Thursday, December 19, 2013

603. Captain Vijayakanth reacts to Diplomat Devyani's arrest

- Chronicwriter

602. Who cares about your mental age?

Facebook introduced this new game called "What's your mental age?" where users will answer some questions and Facebook will finally give a random numerical digit as the answer. Some of my friends played this game and posted the results in Facebook too.

What surprised me was some friends who behave as if they are reformatively, superlatively and naturally serious people in life ended up posting results like 18 and 19. That is when I realized that the algorithm for this game should have been designed by someone whose dirty underwear age should be more than 10 years.

Do not ask me what connection an underwear would have with this game? If you are analyzing this silly statement of mine, then your mental age should really be less than 3. Even 3 year olds will know that there is no sense in that statement of mine.

Why does it matter? I am 31 years old now. If I get a mental age of 17, should I be happy or sad? It simply means I am mentally retarded. There is no happiness in posting that on FB and proclaiming to all my friends that I am mentally just 17. Instead of doing that I should be consulting a doctor to get necessary treatment.

When ever I see this lady, I get irritated. I don't know why!!! Some aunties of mine who are in their mid sixties are playing this game on facebook and so happily posting the results as 13,18 and 23 respectively. The aunt who posted her mental age as 23 might be speaking the truth. (She will be reading this post and I am glad that this post served the purpose).

I am 31 and my mental age is also 31. ( Note: I change my underwear everyday... and my socks too)


Tuesday, December 17, 2013

601. Why did 4 people unfriend me on Facebook?

I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day on Facebook. She told me "Chriz! You have become very serious in life. You ain't funny anymore. What happened to your nonsensical comments?" This made me think for a while. I decided to act funny ( a little more hyper than usual) for a day. I started posting nonsensical comments on my friends' photos and status messages. As a result four of them unfriended me. 

Some of the comments are for public display here. To protect the sanctity, privacy and personality of some of the friends (including those who unfriended me), I have blurred their images and ID names.

1) Pepper the cat

I know it is not that funny. That's the exact point I am trying to make here. I can be less funny too.

2) Airtel data charges free ( Is this some sort of SEO key farming?)

The above comment  might be cliche. Notice the timing. I blurred this image because the ID belongs to a super hot girl :)

3) The man with a housecoat

How many of you have peed on sidewalks? 

4) The Christmas mood girl

Yes! She unfriended me :)

5) What about Trisha's life?

He unfriended me too

6) Money can't buy my phone

Anyo one want to buy my old phone?

7) My dentist friend's magic

Now on, I will have to find a new dentist

8) She unfriended for what joy?

Seriously! Does this comment deserve an unfriend response? But who cares?

Now I know how to reduce the number of people in my friends list. I will be trying this experiment again on some of your walls too. If you want your wall to be featured in my blog, just drop in your need and want and desire in the comment section. Satisfaction guaranteed.


Wednesday, December 11, 2013

600. Ishant Sharma to receive Bharat Ratna

Ishant Sharma will receive the Bharat Ratna for the year 2014 for his amazing bowling performance of 4 for 40 in his ten overs in the third and final one day match against South Africa that took place on 11/12/13. 

This decision came as a surprise to many as he edged out Sachin Tendulkar from the race. Sachin was supposed to get the Bharat Ratna for the year 2014. But Ishant ruined Sachin's chances with a brilliant performance with the ball.

Ishant Sharma shocked the Nation by taking two wickets in one over.It was a great shock for the Nation and it came on the same day when Supreme court said that Homosexuals will get a life term. As a tribute to Ishant Sharma's heroics with the ball, rain intervened play and stopped the Indian batsmen from getting yet another thumping from the South African bowlers. It is raining in Ishant's forest.

Doctors who were near the bedside of Nelson Mandela revealed that the last words of Nelson Mandela was "Ishant". He was also scared of this day it seems. Apparently Nelson Mandela was also a Bharat Ratna awardee. He was the second Non Indian to win the Bharat Ratna; the first being Mother Teresa (This is Chronicwriter's dose for General Knowledge for his readers).

Critics say that it was not Ishant Sharma who bowled for India. Some of them even went on the extent of saying that it was Dale Steyn who wore an Ishant mask. We all know that stones will be thrown only on a tree with ripe fruits. So all the critics can go and hang themselves for creating a rumor like this.

Talking to reporters from Cochin, the banned Indian bowler Sreesanth congratulated Ishant's effort. He even added that Ishant Sharma wore a towel inside his pants when he got those two wickets in the same over. He went on to say that he needed to see more aggression from Ishant. Mean while Poonam Pandey has announced that she will strip and run on the same day Ishant receives the Bharat Ratna. 

Politician Vijayaganth who is in Delhi to capture power in the National Capital called this performance "a bandasdik berfarmanze". To honor Ishant Sharma's wonderful bowling figures, he launched his son as a hero in an upcoming film. Historians say that this launch has something to do with the Mayan Calendar that failed to keep up to its predictions of the doomsday prophesy with which it terrorized the world. Statisticians have come to the conclusion that the Mayans might have been approximately right and may be the end of the world has begun on 11.12.13.

The RBI has made a public announcement that Ishant Sharma's face will be used in the Rs 1000 currency note. Speaking to news personnel, the RBI Governor confirmed this decision this evening. How ever he also said that Ishant Sharma's face will feature in the currency note only if he gets a hair cut.


Note : This is Chronicwriter's 600th post. Chronicwriter has been blogging for ten years. This blog is in its 7 th year of Blogging journey and it has seen 10 million page hits over the years. The journey will continue unless and until Chronicwriter gets arrested for his satire posts.

Monday, December 02, 2013

599. Tarun Tejpal is a Virgin?

With Tarun Tejpal caught in the big Molest scam and Salman Khan declaring to Karan Johar that he is a virgin, Arnab Gowsami decided to do damage control and solve all the mysteries in his own style.

- Chronicwriter

(Note : This is a pure work of fiction)