Saturday, July 20, 2013

587. My wife's cooking

There was a time when I was asked to eat burnt offerings. There were days when I was given a papad to eat and then later told that it was a poori. There were days in which the sambhar had tasted like payasam. There were even days when the dosa tasted like Italian Pizzas.

Try, Try till you succeed (Vida muyarchi Viswarooba vetri) is a mantra that my wife follows. I had to write this post for two reasons . 1) These days every meal is a treat to eat. ( This is today's lunch - prawn / fish fry/ sambhar/ bitter gourd / ladies finger (okra) / salad / papad). 2) In future, I want these treats to continue to happen.

Note : After this post, two things might happen
1) If the first paragraph of this post takes a deep impact, then I might be given burnt offertory once again
2) If the second paragraph wins the competition, then I am lucky.

- Chronicwriter

Thursday, July 18, 2013

586. The three Innocent Sadhus

I always have a soft corner for Sadhus. As the name suggests, they are very soft people. They are kind hearted people who always stretch their hand and help those who are in need. They have a big heart and they are an asset to the nation. 

Sadhus are also the first people in the world to wear Sarees. Later the Indian women started copying from the Sadhus and have made saree a women wear. But the sadhus never fought for their rights; because they are good hearted people. 

Over the years , the Sadhus have always been targeted by media personalities. Sadhus are people who do not have a private life. They renounce everything and live like an open book. But still there are bad people who try to poke their nose in their private lives by place hidden cameras in their bathrooms and bedrooms.

What I am asking is "What is wrong in Sadhus having a jolly time?" Aren't they human beings too? For example, look at these wonderful Sadhus of the 21st century. See their faces.

When you take a closer look at their faces, you can see that they have a gentleman's look. They have a smiling face and they are as soft as a goat led to slaughter. Just because they look soft, should we make fun of them and take advantage of their soft outlook. Don't they also have feelings?

If they had done mistake, who are we to talk about that? They are people who have got special gifts. One person takes lingam out of his mouth. Another person makes frequent visits to heaven and another person can fly in the air. Can you and I do what they do? They are an asset to our country. So we should stop making fun of these three gentlemen.

Moral : I strictly order all my readers not to make fun of these three innocent Sadhus. If we ourselves do not stand for them, who will stand for them? How long will Malathi, Malliga and Ranjitha support them alone? Let us also join together and support these innocent Sadhus.


Wednesday, July 17, 2013

585. Truth that Bald men need to know

Are you balding? or Are you already bald? If the answer is Yes, then this post is for you. I dedicate this post to all the bald friends of mine.

Truth that bald men need to know

1) You don't have to buy a comb. People who use a comb pollute the world with strands of hair. You do not contribute to pollution and you don't belong to the polluting society.

2) You will not suffer from dandruff problem. No lice on your head too. You are hygienic compared to those who have hair.

3) When you are bored, you can play music on your head. Your head automatically becomes a percussion instrument.

4) Bald men should realize that they are taller than their hair. The hair is still inside. They just grew up faster than their hair.

5) You don't have to perm, straighten, color your hair. You automatically become cost-effective. You are an asset to the nation.

6) Girls like bald men.

7) Bald head + Big belly = You are irresistible

8) If you are bald, fair and little fat, people might even think you are Ramesh Srivats.

9) If you are over 30 with a full head of hair, then you are a sissy. You are not even man enough to knock a little hair of your head. Grow up! Be a man! Go bald.

10) Bald men are better leaders.

11) If you have a bald head, people respect you.

12) Some people who are balding (like the author) are like the cat on the wall. They try all means to grow that hair back. But they never grow. So my sincere advice is " Go and tonsure" . You will look a lot better than looking like a half shaven Pomeranian dog.

13)  Your head is a natural reflector. You don't need additional lights to take photographs.

14) You can draw a face on your head and it will exactly look like the ball friend that Tom Hanks had in Cast away.

15) God only made a few people with a perfect head. The rest of them, he covered with hair.

If you do not have hair on your head, just remember that you are better than the rest. A cut above the rest. Let the hairy ones make fun of you. Don't give a hoot, because one day they will also become hot like you

- Chronicwriter (Chronicwriter is balding too)

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

584. Indian traffic rules

When we are on the road, we will have a feeling as if we own the roads. The public roads automatically becomes our family property. Many of the points mentioned in this post came as a Tamil post. I have added my points to the post and have tweaked it to my style. These are some of the beliefs of drivers and riders on the Indian roads.

1) Always have an angry face while driving on the roads. By keeping an angry face, you will scare everyone on the road.

2) The white stop line in the traffic signals are just some design on the road. The vehicle should be parked after the line and not before the line. Anyone who stops the vehicle before that line is a fool.

3) When the traffic light turns from yellow to red, it is an indication for you to drive faster so that you cross the white line.

4) Honking the horn is our birthright. The thumb should always be on the horn. If we do not press the horn, then there is something wrong with our vehicle.

5) The light indicators are just for decoration purposes. We can switch them on and off when ever we want to.

6) A person who parks his vehicle before the white line does not deserve to live because he is a fool.

7) Helmets should not be worn on the head. They should be placed above the petrol tank. This is done for the safety and protection of the petrol tank.

8) Wearing a helmet is not safe for the hair. People who wear helmets lose their hair fast. So never ever wear an helmet.

9) If you do not have an hands free, then wear an helmet and squeeze your mobile phone between your ear and the helmet. The helmet should be used only for this purpose.

10) Wearing the seat belt in the car is harmful for your tummy; especially when you have a big tummy. It will leave a seat belt mark on your body. This will reduce the glamour quotient. So never ever wear a seat belt.

11) The traffic police is a man who allows you to pass by if you pay him tips. Never argue with him. Just pay him tips and continue on your journey. If you have good bargaining skills, you can handle this man very well. He does not have to follow any traffic rules. Rules are for others. He is exempted from following any rules.

12) The indicator on the bike or car should not be used when we take a turn. We conserve power by not switching the indicator ON. The people who come behind us should have the brains to understand where we turn and they should act accordingly.

13) The rear view mirror or the box in the bike will spoil the beauty of the bike. Even if you have a rear view mirror, it should be used only for combing your hair.

14) You can use any fonts for the number plate. It is your vehicle and you have every right to use any designer font of your choice. Never ever use the prescribed standard fonts.

15) U turns should be taken where ever there is a board that says that you should not take a U turn. Remember! It is your father's road and you have every right to take that U turn.

16) Traffic rules should be followed only from 8 am to 10 pm. After that you can go in the opposite direction in one ways and you can use all sorts of creativity while riding the bike.

17) Even when there is a traffic jam and the vehicles are waiting one behind the other, you should always see to that you overtake all of them so that you can beat them all. Yes, you are participating in a race and you have to beat them all.

18) You should not reduce your speed while crossing a speed breaker. If you slow down, it will bring dishonor to your family. Keep the same speed and slowly lift your butt a little bit and your bike will cross the speed breaker in a jiffy.

19)  You can park your vehicle in any direction in the parking lot even if it blocks the other vehicles. Taking care of their vehicle is their own headache.

20) There is no dim light facility in your car. Always use high beam so that you have better visibility. Even if it makes the oncoming rider uncomfortable, never ever lower the beam. He should close his eyes and ride. He should take care of his safety.

21) The public buses are designed and manufactured in such a way that they stop only in the middle of the road. They never go and stop on the corner of the road. Poor drivers! What can they do? Don't blame them.

22) Getting a drivers license is very easy. You need not know driving too. All you need to do is spend some money. The license is yours. The road is yours. It is your life. Enjoy.

23) Begging in traffic signals is an occupation. It is also a place for people selling stuff to others. It is a transit market.

24) You can use mobile phones while driving because you are an expert in it. Others should not use it as they are not as good as you in using mobile phones while driving.

25) If you are a guy, you should never ever allow a girl to overtake you. It is almost like getting a kick between your legs. So make sure that you overtake them and give them that dirty stare.


Monday, July 15, 2013

583. The beginning and ending of a relationship

Every one are giving relationship advises these days. We use Facebook status messages to convey some silly thought or the other in a philosophical way and  we all have become advice column specialists because we all have a wall to write non sense. I have my blog and I write non sense here. I could have just written a one line sentence here and finished this post. But I am gonna post a picture because I believe that pictures speak louder than words.

That would have conveyed the message for everyone.Still if you wanna search for a relationship through social media sites, go ahead and hurt yourself.


Wednesday, July 10, 2013

582. The different uses of sun glasses

I was waiting for an opportunity to post this picture of mine on my blog. Finally I got a suitable topic and I grabbed the opportunity immediately. This picture was taken in Alampara fort when yours truly did an amazing balancing act on a tree branch. I climbed the tree and gave this pose; but after the picture was clicked, I found it difficult to climb down. This picture was clicked by my friend Prasanna. It was one road trip which is close to my heart. It was my last road trip before my marriage. Now let me come to the topic. Sun glasses have many uses. This post will list down the different uses of sun glasses

  1. Sunglasses can cool the eyes and protect them from sun rays.
  2. Sunglasses can also act as a hair band. My sun glasses are mostly oily as I keep them on my hair all the time. The crickets started this trend and many people like me follow it
  3. Sunglasses can be stylishly held in one hand and rotated. This is done by some to gain attention.
  4. Sunglasses can be worn on t shirts, shirt pockets. This is also for style quotient
  5. The sunglasses can be worn to view color pictures as they give the photographs an instagram effect.
  6. If you are bald headed, wearing a sun glass might make you a Kalaignar look-alike.
  7. Sunglasses are like Facebook. You can stare at anyone without getting caught.
  8. Sunglasses take away your shyness by a larger extent.
  9. Some people are recognized by others only when they wear their sunglasses . Examples : - Director Balachander, Powerstar and Carrie Anne Moss. You might also be someone like that. Make an impact with sunglasses.
  10. Giant sunglasses make unattractive girls look cute. Now I have incurred the wrath of the ladies with this point. So it is time for me to end this post

Friday, July 05, 2013

581. The many uses of Public Toilets

The inventor of public toilets would have never thought that his invention would be used for different reasons in the future. In the past the public toilets were used only for the outgoing process. But today public toilets are used for many other reasons.

1) For artists to display their artistic skills

In the past, great art forms were only seen in art galleries. Today Public toilet walls depict different art forms. Many artists who don't have a launch pad use the public toilets to show their artistic skills. One can see the artistic skills of these artists in public train toilets. Most of these drawings are about the physical attributes of the human body. They must have got their inspiration from their biology class in their school days. Some write the names of their lady love. Some write their mobile numbers on the walls. Mark Zuckerberg got the idea of facebook walls when he travelled in an Indian train. Credit goes to our country.

2) People doing Kasamusa

With many movies spoiling kids these days, the public toilets are a place that are selected by young couples to do the kasamusa. Train toilets are used for this reason too. The railway police is doing an amazing job to prevent this. In the past, young couples used to have the hanky panky time in internet cafes. But now as the internet cafes have become stricter, they have chosen the train toilets for unleashing their hormonal urges.

3) Dining room

In IT companies, the rest rooms are also used as dining rooms. If you are selfish and if you do not want to share the chicken burger with your team mates, you can rush to the rest room and eat without anyone noticing you. There was a colleague who used to do this. He used to burp in the rest room too.

4) The perfect place to rest

Some people use the public toilets to take a short nap too. That is one way of whiling away your time during office hours.

5) Photo shoots.

This is the main usage of many public rooms. Girls use the public toilets for photo shoots. Even guys do it. As soon as they enter the public toilets, they stand in front of the mirror, take out their camera phones and go on a clicking spree. While clicking these snaps, they show all kinds of poses which they think is cute. They upload the photos on their facebook albums too. I have a friend who has an album with 128 photos of bathroom poses.

- Chronicwriter.

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

580. News from my house.

1) My daughter had her first hair cut last week. It was an unforgettable experience for her and for us. She has promised to write an article about it. So I am not gonna explain further about this.

2) Last week, my daughter ate some neem leaves. Her facial reaction was priceless. Photos to be uploaded soon on my Facebook page.

3) I am growing a beard again. That Abraham Lincoln look. I did not have a beard for the last two years as my wife told me not to grow a beard. Recently some one called me a college boy and that is when I decided to grow a beard again

4) My daughter has started to walk. After she wakes up in the morning, she directly goes to the trash bin in the kitchen. I do not know what attracts her so much!

5) My daughter's ears are pierced too. She did not create much fuss. It was I who created lot of fuss when her ears were pierced. She has promised to write a post on it in her blog too. So I am not disclosing any more news on this topic.

6) My daughter hates it when I am use my lap top. She crawls around me, bites me, throws things at me and makes lot of noise till I shut down the laptop.

7) Anya spends lot of time in front of the mirror. She talks to herself and she smiles at herself. There is competition at home now.

8) Anya's favorite activity is the car drive that she has with me and my wife every evening. As soon as I start the engine, she giggles and smiles a lot. Then she tries to tune the FM channels to which I respond with a stern No. After some time she will try to touch the gear with her right leg. Again a stern No will escape my lips and she will act as if she is scared. This will continue for some more time.

9) Of all my favorite things, my movie collection and my book collection stands right at the top. I group my DVD collection under different titles. Drama, Romance, Thriller, Horror, Comedy, Musical are some of the genres under which I have grouped my DVD collection. Last week as I was browsing through my collection, I saw my wedding CD in the Horror section. I do not know how it went there.

10) I'll be celebrating my second wedding anniversary soon. Any surprise tips from my readers?

- Chronicwriter