Friday, October 14, 2011

488. Acquired Breaking News Virus.

NDTV and TimesNow are the two leading OPINION makers in India. They telecast their own opinions which contradict each other. These two channels suffer from a dangerous disease called as Acquired Breaking News Virus.

Little kids usually fight with each other for numero-uno position. I finished eating first. I finished doing the homework first. I finished coloring the book first. I finished my potty time first. The kids fight for everything. Competition is in the blood of every human being. This competitive spirit when it crosses the limit transforms into a disease called ABNV. This disease has hit both these channels. This whole disease was discovered a couple of years ago when Ajmal Kasab and co stormed into Mumbai and warred with India. Both these News Channels were fighting with each other trying to claim that they were the first channel to break the News. After that incident, they are Breaking every day. CNN-IBN and Aaj Tak are also transmitters of the ABNV.

Viewers suffer from Breaking News Syndrome when they watch these channels. Children complain that they are seeing the word BREAKING NEWS on their text books. Corporate employees are also complaining that they are seeing the word BREAKING NEWS on their computer screens.

Viewers also suffer from uneasy sleep and nausea. They get bad dreams of Barkha Dutt, Arnab Gowsami and Karan Thappar Breaking their Sleep with Breaking Dreams. My wife Joan got scared when I woke up in the middle of the night shouting "Breaking News Breaking News".

Some of the Breaking News Caption that comes on TV these days

  • Police arrest everyone on February 22
  • Man executed after long speech.
  • Man accused of killing attorney receives a new attorney.
  • Bihaar's literacy program shows improvement. ( See how Bihar is spelt)
  • Commissioner of Delhi Police Has Lost His Dog
  • Finally Commissioner Dog Came to House
  • Ruling Congress Top Leader Rahul Gandhi Lunch Menu was also a breaking news.
  • Big B catches a cold.
If you have come across any funny BREAKING NEWS , please post it in the comments section.



  1. could you, of all, have forgotten to include the 'Breaking News' hungama over Rakhi Sawant's Swayamvar err...on-screen porn or watever that might be called????

  2. An offshoot of ABNV is ABN(BA)SMV which expands as Acquired Breaking News (Broken Again Through) Social Media Virus. Most recently, I got royally annoyed when every third person on FB changed their DP's to a picture of Steve Jobs (or something relating to Apple); or kept saying in different ways "R.I.P Steve Jobs" (at some point in time I wanted to interpret "rip" literally and not as an abbreviation :D); or coined such new expressions starting with "i" that I ended up feeling "imad" even without being "isad".

    Oh, no offence meant to signor Jobs and great respect to an absolute innovator but I feel Steve Jobs (or his death) was, during those few days, as they say on twitter, "trending"; nothing more nothing less.

    I think there has developed among us a compulsiveness to share every news on social media forums as if we own it. That irritates me as much as ABNV.

    Sorry for the tangential essay. :D Loved the post as usual. Especially the part about breaking dreams and Barkha Dutt, Arnab Goswami and others. (Did YOU really have a dream? ;))

  3. Breaking News:: "Young Girl got raped" - It was a Sunday, a young girl whose age is 65, got raped by unidentified men. Police in search of the culprit..

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