Tuesday, March 22, 2011

448. Ladies and driving

I always considered myself as a very good driver. My three year old niece thinks so. So with that thought in my mind, I take this privilege to pass some expert comments on the driving skills of the members of the fairer sex.

Note : I am not a MCP. I am not a sexist. This is written for plain humor and If you can't digest it, you have the liberty to bash me, curse me and even start Anti-Chronicwriter forums and use that to bitch about me. I don't give a hoot. In fact that would give this blog more visibility and I don't care about the negative advertisement.

  • When two bachelors meet after a long time, the common topic would mostly be Girls.
  • If three bachelors meet after a long time, the common topic would again be Girls.
  • If married men meet for a drink, their common topic would also be Women, Girls and Wives.
If any guy disagrees with the above three points, and if he thinks that he is not that kind of a man who always talks about girls, then he would get a free ticket to spend a lonely dinner in a closed room alongside Navjot Singh Sidhu and Arnab Gowsami.

Yes! Now let's talk about girls. There would be many girl readers for this blog post too. You can also read this because it is about you. You would hate me after reading this post. But your hatred is not gonna give me my bread and butter. So continue hating me. I haven't yet started the post. So without further ado, let me take this privilege to write on "women and their driving styles". Now some men would be already nodding their heads in agreement even before I start this post of mine. I know that you are also victims to the tsunami-driving of the members of the fairer sex.

Sreesanth is a comedian. That doesn't mean that all Keralites are comedians. Rakhi Sawant is loud mouthed and that doesn't necessarily make all silicon implanted women loud mouthed. Chronicwriter is a bozo; that doesn't mean that all humorists are bozos too. Similarly many women are comedy-drivers; but that doesn't make All women bad drivers.

If Navjot Singh Sidhu describes the driving style of women, he would just use one word to describe it -" Idiotic". Now don't angry with me. You can get angry with Sidhu saab. Why would Sidhu call women driving - Idiotic?
  • When ever we think of bikes and cars, we usually think of men like Rossi and Alonso and not to forget Schumi. There is nothing wrong in their driving style. They had complete control on their vehicles. The only difference with women-drivers is that they don't have control over their vehicle.
Note to women : Are you tightening your grip on the Mouse? If you are angry with me, throw your gaalis at me. Why do you show it on that poor mouse?

  • All the six lanes in the highway doesn't belong to you. When you switch lanes, you got to use the indicator. Its not an F1 track where you can just drive as if you are playing an NFS video game.
Additional Note: Am I getting on your nerves now? Don't worry. I am just getting started

  • In a car, there are three pedals - Accelerator, Brake and Clutch. For a woman, the only pedal that comes int contact with her legs is the accelerator. They would not hurt the brake or the clutch. If you press the accelerator, the car moves forward. If you release the accelerator, the car slows down. The hand brake (parking brake) can be used even while slowing down. The gear is just a joy stick which can be placed in any position. The gear box makes lot of noise because the clutch is not pressed when the gear is changed. Women do not use the clutch in order to preserve the life usage of clutch. The brakes are not used because using the brakes would result in wear and tear of the tyres. The road belongs to them. They can drive in the wrong direction in a one way road.
Note to women: Just checking! How many cuss words did you use so far against me? You can't get angry with your husband just because he agrees with me. Does he have to sleep on the couch tonight? He wouldn't mind

Note to the poor husband: Are you angry with me because I am playing volleyball in your married life? If your answer is yes, I am sure that you are reading this blog along with your wife.

  • Then comes the 40 + women. They are slow death inducers. They drive very slowly. They would not even hurt the accelerator. One could even overtake them by walking. Their cars are full of dents. They honk at freewill and they are extremely cautious. They use the right turn indicator while turning left. Both their hands will be fixed on the steering wheel. They would completely stop the car even to shift gears. They would sit on the edge of the seats while driving. They would constantly receive gaalis from other fellow drivers at very regular intervals. But nothing stops them from driving.While reversing, they hit the bike parked behind their car. They hit the road divider while taking U-turns. Traffic jams happen when ever they take a U-turn.
Note to women: Now are you tired of cursing me or are you still behaving like a zombie? I am sure that your hubby is now sleeping in the couch. Just go and check him out. He might be happily watching the football match or the world cup cricket.
  • Am I saying that men are better drivers? Now even if I say , Yes, would that matter to you? Or Would you accept my answer? I leave it to you for assumption. Exactly Ten years ago, my dad attempted to teach my mom to drive the car. We sold the car exactly 9 years and 11 months ago. The car had lot of dents.
If a lady walks up to me in a public place and slaps me all of a sudden, I would know the reason.

Happy Driving.



  1. Have you tried overtaking them!!! OMG I almost always am ready to pull my hair by the time I overtake them!!!!

  2. 1. How are u sure in de 2nd and de 3rd pic, tht it ws done by HER and not HIM?
    2. I agree tht women do drive frantically at times, but my observation is coz of MEN driving thr bikes frm extreme right to extreme left in 0 seconds make us (atleast me) go zapped...on top of that, MEN shud learn that if u hav blown de horn once, de vehicle ahead of u needs atleast 2-3 seconds 2 get on a side, so plz don't keep on honking ur blaring horns non-stop, scaring away de driver ahead (men or women)
    Lot of points, but humor wise, i loved it.. but Men, pls stop scaring away women (even some sensible men) on de road... CHEERS!!!

  3. @Joshua : I experienced it this morning while driving to office..

    @ Nikita :

    1) It is understood :)
    2) Feel free to slap me
    3) I agree to this point of yours
    4) I concur
    5) Thats true

    haha.. keep coming :)

  4. Okay, to an extent I will agree that some , read, only some women barely give a damn about the traffic rules, and the roads, and other drivers. For them, it's about the destination and time. BUT, I've seen some women who are actually careful. In Mumbai, sometimes, I'm forced to think that men are equally bad.
    Humor wise, bang on. :)

  5. hmmm... I feel you couldnt express all your thoughts/experiences because of constant imagination of threats in future! ;)
    ohh and in so many years I finally found one post and blogger in India who mentioned 'ROSSI'!

  6. Hey Chriz, I have been amusing myself through your blogs for quite sometime now, however i was bemused to see 2 blogs quite similar to this one.



    Hmmm.... so did the lightening struck all of you at once... ;)
    are we looking at Multiple Personality Disorder ;)

  7. Thanks Mayank for the notification. Both the guys have copied the post from me on the same day. The funny thing is, one guy has even copied the contents that i have on my sidebar.

    Let those guys have fun for sometime :)


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