Monday, May 17, 2010

408. Twitter for blondes

During the summer of 2009, a friend of mine sent me a request to join in a social networking site called "Twitter". I ignored her request and continued to show my loyalty to Facebook. But very soon everyone started talking about Twitter; but still i did not want to fall into the trap of yet another social networking site. But by the end of 2009, when my friend(enemy) Robert joined Twitter, I could not take it any longer. I created a Twitter account [link]too. When a person like Robert (who could not differentiate between the right hand and the left hand and often uses the wrong hand for the right reasons) could have a twitter handle, why could not I?

After creating a twitter Username, I tried to explore deep into the social networking site and after spending 24 hours on the site, I decided to call it quits. After two months , when I reopened my twitter account, I had around 100 followers. I had tears in my eyes. How could I crush the hearts of hundred souls who were waiting to see one brilliant tweet from me. To attract their attention, I tweeted a brilliant one liner and logged off. The next day when I logged in again, 50 followers had unfollowed me.

This post is to educate my blonde girlfriends about Twitter. After reading this post, you would be enlightened. You can even erect a statue for me and sit underneath it and gain wisdom. I would not mind it. But before we go any further, let us know a little bit of Twitter from our Sexy PlayBoy.

Twitter for blondes

Do you remember the English classes during our school days? The English miss (That's how I used to call her) used to give us a big paragraph and ask us to convert it into one sentence.

For example, she would give us a paragraph like this
" On a warm and sunny Saturday afternoon, Mike, his wife Teresa and their three children went to the beach to have a fun time. The kids built sand castles. Suddenly a mad dog came there and bit Joshua's leg and hand. Joshua was the second son of Mike and Teresa. Joshua started screaming aloud in pain. His hand and leg started bleeding. Ryan got scared and ran to his mommy. Ryan was just 2 years old and he was the youngest kid of Mike and Teresa. Mike always doubted that Ryan was not his baby because Ryan's face resembled Chriz's face. Chriz was Mike's friend. When Mike saw Joshua in pain, he rushed towards his son and saw his hands. The hands had the bite marks of the dog . Then he saw his son's legs. It was bleeding too. His heart started beating fast and he asked the question,"Why God? Why Me?"
and she would ask us to convert it, into a single sentence. I was in 6th grade then. I would think hard and finally shrink the paragraph into a telegraphic message like this

"Why Blood? Same Blood!"
If you could shrink any story and produce a telegraphic message as short as this, then you are ready to join the twitter league of men and women. But there is a hidden agenda to it. One can't type more than 140 characters in a single tweet. If you are a king/Queen of one liners, then twitter is for you.

"Bloggers like me , who have the habit of typing long posts usually will not succeed much in twitter". The rate at which I lose followers everyday is a proof for the previous statement. If you can't express your thoughts in a single line, don't even dare to dream of using twitter in your life.

Now after creating a twitter handle, you might ask the question, " What should I tweet?". You can tweet anything of your choice.
  • You can tweet about your girlfriend
  • You can tweet about the breakfast that you had.
  • You can tweet about what you did at that very instant. If you had just yawned, you can tweet that too
  • You can tweet about your boss . But make it sure that your boss is not following you.
Talking about followers, they are the poor souls who would be able to read all that you tweet on your page. If you are concerned about preserving them , tweet sensibly. The author of this blog was so concerned about preserving his followers and hence used to tweet sensibly. He lost many followers. Now he tweets crap and still loses followers. So now he has become a numb tweeter.

If you want to make your presence felt in the twitter world, constantly talk about the latest topics. Don't just stick on to one topic. Tweet about politics, sports, music, movies, spirituality and all that you can dish out from google.

Always remember that you have to follow some people so that they become your followers. Some souls do not reciprocate your love for them and they never follow you. If their tweets are brilliant , you can forgive them. But if their tweets are useless like yours, you can unfollow them. But if you are Sachin Tendulkar, you need not follow anyone. Everyone will start following you.

There are terms like "hashtags # , Retweet RT, Trending topics" which you would understand once you start using twitter. Now you might think that you can do all this using chat messenger itself. So why Twitter?

A chat session requires two people at least. One person will type and the other person will read that crap and reply. But twitter doesn't require two people at all. You alone can do it. It is almost like speaking to yourself. I am pretty sure that all of us have the habit of speaking to ourselves when we stand in front of the mirror. Twitter is like that. Your followers will know what you are speaking to yourself. That is the whole point behind twitter.

No wonder, Paris Hilton has defined Twitter as "Verbal Masturbation"

Yes! You can do it alone.



  1. lol! great post! i was initially quite confused about using Twitter too and even though I now have the hang of it, i just don't know how to say things in a mere 140 characters, so i just stick to reading what everyone else is tweeting..

  2. u missed the great Modi who messed his whole life with a twit

  3. idhukku yedhukku "blonde" title-la? :P one more technique to attract, eh? ;) Hehehe.

    Funny in parts, read it one go, Chriz bro! :)

  4. Hahaha...really funny post..
    And...LOL at the last line! brilliant stuff!!
    I stopped using twitter coz i could'nt make any sense of what was going on.....140 characters were too I went back to my good old blog...

  5. i found twitter to be the shittiest idea in the world

  6. Great!! A very useful post!! I was really confused to use twitter for the last few months.. What shall I do in twitter? I do not know. Somehow, I managed to follow you now!!

  7. :D...i guess ur blonde friends got educated now...well with the paris hilton one liner many must have got educated :P....

    tweet about how innocent we both are to :)...hehe :)..

    i guess i dont have so many followers how to get many ...any idea u can share with me :)...

    well lets then tweet tweet and tweet now :P....

    celebrities also tweet so long they use external website to tweet longer then 140 chars...


  8. She called it that... Paris Hilton..

    Nice one.. for pple who are entering into the world of tweets

  9. er? a blonde galfrand? u r kidding chriz!!!
    no one noticed but i caught you right here and in next post you are going to make it look so obvious, you lawyer....i mean lair.
    Twitter is better than fakebook. its all text, feels like my terminal. But 100 monkeys with keyboards can't make twitter a better place, no wonder few ministers and few misturrs have to resign.

  10. I'm not registered to social networking sites like Orkut, twitter, facebook etc. I just like blogging.

    I liked your last line..Nice post.

  11. didn't use it for 10 months since I created y account and now thanks to work am active on it :P (seriously non-professional use)

  12. Wonder how u learnt that little piece of info regarding paris hilton. Twiiter... Do u remember a cartoon in uturn about twitter craze. First guy mumbles 'I dont know why on earth ppl woud want to join twiter and announce to the whole world what they are doing'. The secomnd guy says 'do u kno, priyanka chopra is on twiter'. First guy immed replies 'REALLY!!!, do u know how to join?'.

  13. You are impossible, Chriz!


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