All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been
more specific.
When I was a little boy, the only TV channel that I could watch was Doordarshan. Street Hawk was my favorite TV show then. I was so much addicted to that series that I started riding my tricycle recklessly. I used to dream of riding bikes at a rapid pace too. I wanted to ride a bike in real life too. That is when I realised that I had to be 18 years old to be eligible to ride a bike.

By the year 1990, I was a big fan of cricket and football. I admired Kris Srikanth and I loved his daring batting style. In fact I imitated his weird Nose-mannerism too. Four years later, world cup football took India by storm. Doordarshan telecast ed all the matches live on TV. Suneet Tandon and Pranoy Roy did special reports on all the teams. My favorite team was Brazil. I loved their samba-ish style of playing. Romario became my Hero. Immediately I decided to become a footballer. But my kicking power was so weak and I had to quit the idea of becoming a world class footballer.

How many of you remember Remington Steele? It was the first time I saw Pierce Brosnan. I loved the TV show not because of Brosnan, but because of the lovely Stephanie. Stephanie acted as a private detective in Remington Steele. I thought that being a detective was cool and I started telling all my friends that I would become a detective when I grow up. But now I realise that I am neither a detective nor the boyfriend of a beautiful girl like Stephanie.

When the swine flu storm hit the world, I did not fret. In fact, I was hoping to get infected by the Swine flu bug. You might think that I have lost my mind. But when I heard that pigs have an orgasm that lasts for 30 minutes, I felt that it would be great to be attacked by swine flu. 30 minutes? . It is almost equal to watching one full episode of FRIENDS, Whose line is it anyway.

I wanted to be like somebody all my life. But suddenly I realise that I am 28 and I have my own identity. A year ago when 13 year old Alfie Patten became a dad, I reminisced on the opportunities that I missed as a 13 year old guy. When I was 13 , I used to play computer games. Kids these days play Real life games without understanding the seriousness behind the games they play.

Have you realised the purpose of your life?

I recently read that Dolphins and Human beings are the only two species that enjoy recreational sex ( Sex for fun). All other living beings have procreational sex (sex to create off springs).

What about the Pig?

The other day I saw two porcupines mating. It was scary. I am at least happy that I am not a porcupine. I would dread to have sex if i were a porcupine. 30 minutes Orgasm would be death penalty indeed.