Wednesday, March 17, 2010

400. Autobiography of Chronicwriter

In this Blog, you would have never seen the author showcasing his true colors. He was always hiding behind a Humor mask with a sole intention to spread smiles. As this is Chronicwriter's 400th post, he is planning to reveal his true identity to everyone. This is one post where he will talk about his journey in life -The sad moments, The Good times, The story behind this blog, professional life and his future Goals. If you still want to read this post, go ahead and read the following milestones in Chronicwriter's life.
  • 13 April 1982 - Chronicwriter was born. Apparently on the same day in 1919, Jallianwala Bagh massacre took place.

  • 1984 - Chronicwriter's lost his tongue in an accident. After two major operations, the tongue was stitched. He began to speak very late.

  • 1986 – Chronicwriter sees a cop using a real Gun and decides to become a cop when he grows up.

  • 1992 – Chronicwriter stops wetting his bed.

  • 1993 – Chronicwriter learns to ride a bicycle . It is a red color BSA-SLR (His sister’s bicycle)

  • 1994 – Chronicwriter showcases his first hint at humor writing. His Tamil-essay book gets confiscated when his mom reads his story in the book. He described about a sensual connection between Karunanidhi and J.Jeyalalitha. He was spanked that day. His folks nipped his humor instincts in the bud.

  • 1996 – Chronicwriter gets his first Men’s Bicycle (MTB- Rockshox with double shock absorber)

  • 1999 – Chronicwriter kick starts his four year Engineering course. His life long dream of sitting in the last bench gets fulfilled. He never got the opportunity to sit in the last bench in his school life because of his compact stature.

  • 1999 – First tryst with Tobacco and alcohol (welcome to Pondicherry)

  • 2001- Chronicwriter breaks his leg as he falls inside the Indian closet. His Achilles tendon gets cut. A titanium string replaces the tendon. After one year he again starts walking

  • 2003- Chronicwriter completes his engineering course. He doesn’t know what to do next and blindly decides to do MBA with hopes of getting a seat in one of the IIMS. He also gets his first taste in events- management ( Thanks to his Uncle, who is a leading event manager in India ) Click this [link] to know more about the event management firm.

  • 2004 – Chronicwriter dares to dream beyond the IIMs, but by God’s Grace ends up in Rajagiri to do his MBA. He becomes the “Chronicle” (College Gossip news) editor of college. He also gets the nickname –Chronicwriter. He also becomes one of the major pranksters in college. He and his friends start calling themselves as the “Sexy Seven”. These seven were closely monitored by college management.

  • 2006 – Chronicwriter decides to start his own blog after being a passive blogger from 2003 onwards. His first blog on poetry bombs big time. He also starts working as a Business Analyst in a leading IT MNC.
  • 2007 - When he hangs out with his friends, he listens to all their jokes. After sometime when he reminisces on these jokes, he realizes that he could crack better jokes than that. So he starts writing all his thoughts in humor form and finally decides to launch his humor blog ( That is how this blog was born.)
  • 2008 – Chronicwriter decides to jump into the field of advertising to fulfill his ambition of becoming the next big thing in the world of creativity. He soon jumps out after realizing that there is nothing creative in the ad industry these days. Creativity is one aspect where Individual brilliance scores well over brainstorming ( Chronicwriter’s personal opinion)

  • 2009 – Chronicwriter rejoins social networking platforms after a one year hiatus. He starts using FB for sharing spiritual insights. He also markets this blog through FB. He also joins twitter and starts tweeting crap. The number of people who unfollow him are more than the number of people who follow him.

  • 2010 – As a marketing consultant, he is trying to exploit the use of the web world in creative online business solutions.

  • Future plans – He would soon unveil his comical avatar through his video-podcasts.

Chronicwriter’s friends compare him with famous world personalities by saying, "Hey Chriz! That guy looks like you”. He never bought their statements. But recently when he saw these photos he started believing his friends. Check the following pictures at your own risk.
He can hold the mic , grow a side burn like Elvis. But He definitely can’t sing like him
He can’t even hold the guitar properly. But he sure has a similar receding hairline like Mark Knopfler

    Big Eyes, ruffled hair, but different IQ levels. The Einstein look
    Who is the real Gladiator?
    If you want to know how Abraham Lincoln would have looked like, when he was young, just look at chronicwriter
    and this one is for the ladies; Guys! Calm down. This is his 400th post. So let him enjoy
    - Our special correspondent

Monday, March 08, 2010

397. You know she is an Indian woman when

Note :John Gray's book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" triggered me to write this Post
Women are usually hot, because they belong to Venus and Venus is close to the Sun. But still they chose to come to earth to drink water and they never quenched their thrist. When Women came to earth, the species from Mars followed suit. Hence there is no life on Mars. The NASA/ISRO's claim, that they have found life on Mars is fake. Actually the original name of the planet was Anus. But the statement "women are from Anus" sounded so gross and hence the planet was renamed to Venus. Venus Williams is from the planet Venus

The perfect man according to the common Indian woman should be "Dark, Tall and Handsome". So the opposite of this should essentially be the features of a perfect Indian woman "Fair, Short and Ugly".
  • If an Indian guy is not Dark, Tall and Handsome he is an imperfect man ( Because he would be having all the features of a perfect woman)
  • If an Indian girl is not Fair, Short and Ugly, she is an imperfect woman.
This post is dedicated to all the perfect Indian women by an Imperfect Indian Man- "Chronicwriter". You know she is an Indian woman when
  1. She gives missed calls to her boyfriend and her boyfriend's phone bills are usually in thousands
  2. She sends lot of text messages to her boyfriend (Provided that she has free sms scheme)
  3. She thinks that she is Hot when she is Not.
  4. She takes much care not to reveal her cleavage or any part of her belly while draping a Saree, but she would boldly display the color of her Bra as her Facebook status message. (Just five things come to an Indian Man's mind when he is reminded of a girl's bra colour. They are 1. Breasts, 2. Mandira Bedi, 3. Nipples, 4. Breasts and 5. Breasts. Please stop being dumb. Men are Horny and nothing can be done about it. Even space scientists are trying to find if there is life on Mars so that they could kick all the men to Mars. But the search is going on for ever)
  5. She behaves like a girl
  6. She behaves like a Tom Boy
  7. She doesn't pay the food-bill when she is on a date with her boyfriend. If she is a lesbian, she would stay hungry.
  8. She ogles at married men like SRK, Hrithick Roshan irrespective of her marital status.
  9. She has many brothers even if those guys are not born to her parents. Ravi, Azhar, Dinesh, Rahul and Chriz are her brothers because they are ugly. How ever Binoy is not her brother because he is handsome
  10. She likes the sitcom FRIENDS.
  11. She reads books. (Men gaze at books)
  12. She watches porn movies with her girl friends,but when guys discuss about porn movies in public she says,"You are so gross"
  13. Her English vocabulary is far better than the average Indian Man.
  14. She has a blog and she writes about herself and she bashes men ( My lady-blogmates don't belong to this category. You girls are so sweet)
  15. She doesn't like anyone calling her "Aunty" even if she is in her mid forties.
  16. She knows that "Men are not from Mars". Apparently 90% of Indian men end up in Bars because of her.
  17. She says "I don't know" (Men! Please be careful of such women. Women! Please be careful of all men)
  18. She says "Cho chweet, Cute, aawww" very often.
  19. She demands for equal rights even though she knows that she dominates man
  20. She wears a Saree for special occasions in colleges, office parties and also for marriage functions (Indian men are so lucky)
Now please stop forming "Anti-Chriz" groups. I know any level-headed person can digest the above 20 points with a smile. But if you are still angry, I am ready to go to Mars.

I wish all my girlfriends, ex-girlfriends and future girlfriends a very happy women's day. Without you, we MEN would have been gay (happy)
- Chronicwriter

Thursday, March 04, 2010

396. Sachin Ramesh (TON)dulkar

He has faced Marshall, Ambrose, Walsh, Wasim, Waqar, Warne, Murali, Lee, Bond, Mcgrath, Donald, Pollack, Malinga, Stein and all of them have bowed down to the master. I am talking about Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. In the late 80's, I was a big fan of Viv Richards and Krish Srikanth for the power batting style. Krish Srikanth used the KISS (Keep it smashy and stupid) style of batting. That's when Sachin made his International debut. There has never been any sportsperson who has captivated me like "The Little Master".This post is a dedication to my favorite sportsman "Sachin". You would have come across various write-ups about the Master Blaster. But this one is a chrony special for Sachin.
Sachin stand 165 cms tall or should I say short. Surprisingly that is my height too. He was born in April. Me too.ICC recently announced 24th of April as World Cricket Day. Sachin was born on that special day. Sachin's Dad "Ramesh Tendulkar" named him after the famous musician Sachin Dev Burman. He wanted Sachin to become a singer. Sachin never tried his vocal chords in singing, but AR Rahman can surely give him a chance in his future films. Who knows? Sachin's voice might just fit in. This picture is that of a 8 month old Sachin.

Sachin was a born as a leftie. He had lovely hair and as he had curly hair, his parents never cut his hair for a long time. This is a very rare photo of a 2 year old Sachin.
When Sachin picked up his bat, his folks realized that he was actually ambidextrous. He started throwing the ball with his right hand too. If you closely analyze the picture below, you can see that perfect stance that even professional crickets of the present era fail to apply after years of playing cricket. Little would he have thought that the Time magazine would one day call him the "The greatest living exponent of his craft.".

When he was young, Tendulkar would practice for hours on end in the nets. If he became exhausted, Achrekar( his coach) would put a one-Rupee-coin on the top of the stumps, and the bowler who dismissed Tendulkar would get the coin. If Tendulkar passed the whole session without getting dismissed, the coach would give him the coin. Tendulkar now considers the 13 coins he won then as some of his most prized possessions
Vinod Kambli and Sachin have been friends from childhood. They both entered the international scene too. But one fell by the wayside and the other is still blooming. Vinod Kambli recently created a fuss saying that Sachin could have helped him in his career too. The manner in which Sachin handled the situation makes me appreciate my sporting icon even more. Be it the Ball tampering incident or the Ferrari incident or the cry-baby-tantrums of Bal Thackarey, he has always maintained his calmness and composture on the field and off the field. A great lesson that all of us can learn from him.
This click is a very rare click from the Sachin photo collection. I treasure this so much. Sachin also loves to play tennis and football.
Sachin made his International debut against Pakistan. He was spotted by Dilip Vensarkar. The manner in which he fended bouncers from Waqar Younis and played the series won great praise from the Pakistan media. Two years later India toured Australia and the fiery pacer Merv Hughes commented to Allan Border at that time," This little prick is going to get more runs than you"
Sachin's rise to fame has never gone to his head. In the below picture, Gary Kirsten's son "Joshua" is giving catching practise to Sachin without knowing the greatness of Sachin and it seems he also taught Sachin how to bat. That kind of humility has never been seen in the cricketing world. "Greg Chappell", who single handedly ruined Indian cricket with his idiotic ideas tried to make Sachin bat at number 6. His brother Ian Chappell went on to say that Sachin should retire and pave the way for youngsters. Little did they know that Sachin was just beginning to play another two decades of cricket.

Sachin married Anjali (5 years senior to him). When he was in class five, she would have been in class 10. He has always aimed big and they are happily married with two kids Sarah and Arjun

Sachin's ten year old son,"Arjun has already made his debut" and he is also a powerful hitter of the cricket ball. He plays left handed and opens the batting too. If the media doesn't intervene into his personal life, he would be soon opening the batting for the Indian national team. Arjun and Sachin duo might be the first father-Son opening pair in the cricketing world. With Sachin's current form, this is a high possibility.

The manner in which he creates, recreates records in the cricketing world, there might be no one else in the future to break his record. Only one thing comes to my mind when I see this picture below." Catch Me if you can"

I just love the following testimonies about Sachin made by cricketing greats

  • Mathew Hayden:"I have seen God, he bats at no. 4 for India"
  • Peter Roebuck:"On a train from Shimla to Delhi, there was a halt in one of the stations. The train stopped by for few minutes as usual. Sachin was nearing century, batting on 98. The passengers, railway officials, everyone on the train waited for Sachin to complete the century. This Genius can stop time in India!!"
  • Dennis Lillee:If I've to bowl to Sachin, I'll bowl with my helmet on. He hits the ball so hard.
  • Andy Flower:

    "There are 2 kind of batsmen in the world. One Sachin Tendulkar. Two all the others."

  • Allan Donald:

    "Sachin Tendulkar has often reminded me of a veteran army colonel who has

    many medals on his chest to show how he has conquered bowlers all over the


  • Geoffrey Boycott:

    Technically, you can't fault Sachin. Seam or spin, fast or slow nothing is a problem.

  • Viv Richards:

    I think he is marvellous. I think he will fit in whatever category of Cricket that has been played or will be played, from the first ball that has ever been bowled to the last ball that's going to be. He can play in any era and at any level. I would say he's 99.5% perfect.

  • Navjot Singh Sidhu:

    "India me aap Prime Minister ko ek Baar Katghare me khada kar sakte hain..Par Sachin

    Tendulkar par Ungli nahi utha Sakte.."

  • Anil Kumble:

    "I am fortunate that I've to bowl at him only in the nets!"

  • Andrew Symonds:

    "To Sachin, the man we all want to be"

    What Symonds wrote on an aussie t-shirt he autographed specially for Sachin.

  • Mark Taylor:

    "We did not lose to a team called India...we lost to a man called Sachin" -Mark Taylor, during the test match in Chennai (1997)

  • BBC Sports, on Sachin Tendulkar:

    Beneath the helmet, under that unruly curly hair, inside the cranium, there is something we don't know, something beyond scientific measure. Something that allows him to soar, to roam a territory of sport that, forget us, even those who are gifted enough to play alongside him cannot even fathom. When he goes out to bat, people switch on their television sets and switch off their lives.

and finally words from the Little master himself," I am not thinking too far ahead, just want to take it one thing at a time". These are the words of a man who knows what he is doing.

Finally on a closing note, let me say a couple of things about Tendelya.

  • It did not allow Saeed Anwar. It did not allow Charles Coventry. 200 was waiting to be made by Sachin
  • He has entered the history books of Cricket. History of Cricket is His Story

  • Ref: Wiki, MSN sports and Chronicwriter's memory