Friday, October 16, 2009

366. Tips for love making

Note: If you have come here with the intention of reading some kinky stuff, i am really sorry. This post is not going to feed your Horny - Corny - Hormonal Thirst. This is a post that will be written by my alter-ego. I have no clue what he is gonna come up with.

mr.X is my alter-ego. I did not give him an opportunity to participate in my blog for a very long time. Today he nagged me big time and asked me to allow him to post an article on my page. At first , i was reluctant. But when he said that he will write a post on Love, i knew that he would do a good job because he is a road side romeo.
He has molested three girls in his life and he is an expert in the art of flirting. So I do not find anyone better than him to write an article on Love. In this post mr.X will give great ideas in the art of proposing a girl. Guys can take a leaf out of this post and can use it for their own good. Girls can read this post and feel like a princess.

mr.X has been a love guru and he has helped many of my friends to get hitched. Eager and desperate guys always have a lot of questions in their minds when they approach a girl. My alter-ego has read all such eager minds and is all set to give a crap-lecture. Check his love Gyaan.

What is meant by a love proposal?
What is your IQ level? But still as you have asked this question, let me help you. A love proposal is an act in which a living creature asks permission from another living creature for a possibility of leading a life together. Both the living creatures can be of the same gender. But in general, both the living creatures are of different genders.
The creature which performs the act of proposing is called the proposer and the other creature automatically becomes the proposee. The proposer normally belongs to the Male gender and the proposee usually belongs to the female gender. But over the years we have seen many exceptional errors too.

Can I propose myself?

You are suffering from malignant Narcissism. You can propose yourself. But make it sure to accept or reject your own proposal. This question reminds me of a friend of mine- "Robert". When he is sloshed, he would often get excited seeing his own thigh and does crazy things which even involves attempts of kissing his own thigh. Hope you are not a creature like that.

How should I propose a girl?

There are many ways to propose a girl. You can propose her face-to-face. You can even text message her. You can call her up over the phone and propose her. You can write a poetry to her. You can also send a hand written love letter for her. There are many ways to propose a girl.

  • Always remember to use the three magic words "I Love you".
  • You can also use the five magic words "Can I make you mine?"
But do not mix these two sentences when you propose her. You might end up saying, "Can I make love to you?". You might think that you are highly creative. But sentences like this would land you up in trouble. But a recent survey shows that even the "Can I make love to you?" phrase has yielded positive results.
Can I give her some flowers?

Flowers and love always go hand-in-hand. A red rose has always had a great effect in the proposing process. I do not know why it has such an effect. I have tasted the petals of a red rose. It tasted good. That might be the reason. Let me not deviate away from the subject. Coming back to flowers, do not present her with cauliflower or shoe flower.
Always stick on to roses or ask suggestions from any personnel from a flower boutique. You might get great ideas from such a person. A bunch of roses also is said to give a romantic effect while proposing. But do not take the rose plant, planted in the pot. Also clip the thorns from the stem.
While proposing her,can I touch her nose ?

Yes you can. if her nose is so inviting, you can touch her nose. But she might not like it and she might even physically harm you. If you are ready to face the repercussions, then go ahead and touch her nose. But do not poke your fingers inside her nose. That is gross and if she has rhinorrhea you are in great trouble.
What should I do to make her say Yes?

If I had known the answer for this question, my alter-ego "Chrony" would have married Renu and he would have had at least three kids by now. But let me make an attempt to answer this question in a brilliant manner. Do not ever do any thing that would make her to say No. Proposing a girl is almost equivalent to committing suicide.Some people succeed in the first attempt. Some people succeed the second time. Whether you succeed or not, death is a surety.

Should I write her name in the walls of the toilet in my college?

You can do that if you have a good handwriting. Remember to include your name along with her name. But if someone else adds an indecent line along with it at a later point of time, you should be able to accept that too. If you can't digest that, do not write her name in the toilet walls.
Another Guy is constantly texting her.What should I do?
You should eliminate all your competitors before you make your move. So you should eliminate the guy and keep him out of contention before you propose her. I would suggest an idea which you could use to eliminate him from the competition. It involves a few simple steps
  • Find that guy's mobile number.
  • Write that phone number on all toilet walls ( Public toilets, college toilets, cinema halls and train toilets)
  • Next to the phone number add a girl-name (Ananya, Ashika, Lavina, Meena, Tina, Minu)
  • Any girl name would do. Guys would keep him busy with their non-stop calls. Even if he changes his phone number, find his new number immediately and continue the process. Keep him busy always.

Her father is a Police officer. Please Help

Please forget her. You have never contacted me. I have not talked with you. The culprit is Chronicwriter (Not me, cos i am his alter-ego).

What if the girl slaps me?

Slap her back. But if she is with her friends, they might over power you. If she is in a crowded place, people might support her (cos she is a girl). Slap her only if she is alone. But if she is powerful than you and if you do not have the courage to slap her, look around and see if anyone has noticed your hour of disgrace. Then run away from her.

What is a pick-up-line?

A pick-up-line is an American jack fruit that you can easily pick up. Pick-up-line has another meaning too. It is defined as "A phrase that is used by a creature to woo another creature". Some cheesy pick-up-lines are

  • If i were you, i would have kissed me now.
  • You look a lot like my next girlfriend
  • You see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think i am cute.

There are a few pick up lines that would not work at all

  • Are you for free or would you cost me a lot?
  • Can i buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
  • I am gay. Straighten me out.

But I might be wrong because for some lucky souls the last these pick up lines have worked too

I am a girl and i love this girl. What should I do?

Hey missy. Glad to know that you are interested in girls. Me too! I might not be of great help to you. Hence I would like to refer you to Ellen Degeneres. She might be able to help you on this.

I am 20 years old and I love Aishwarya Rai. How should I let her know?

You are not living in the 90's brother. This is almost 2010. You have arrived very late. But if you still insist on letting her know, do talk to Abhishek Bachan on this. You can even leave a comment on his dad's blog. You can even talk to Aishwarya when Abhishek is not around. (I do it all the time). But let me tell you. I have watched two of her interviews.

  • The one she had with David Letterman (She was HOT and brainy)
  • The one she recently had with Oprah ( She proved that as you get older you are no more interesting)

What is the best place to propose a girl?

Historical evidences prove that the beach is the best place to propose a girl. Take her out in a car, park the car near the beach and as the sun sets, pop the question. If she accepts your proposal, you can take her for a walk along the sea shore. If she doesn't accept your proposal, ask her to get out of your car and drive back with hopes of finding another girl.

What dress should i wear when i propose a girl?

Any dress that you are comfortable with. Do not wear something too bright. But wear something. Wearing a feather-cap brings good results. A red underwear is sure to make many girls running behind you.

NB: I am wearing a red underwear now.

Can i propose a girl when i meet her for the first time?

If she is cute, you can. If she is not cute, don't hurry. Keep her as one of the options. Try all other options and when no other options work out, you can propose the not-so-cute one.

Should i kiss her before proposing her or after proposing her?

Kissing her before proposing her is always the best option. When you propose a girl, she might say a "Yes" or a "No". If she says a "No", you might feel bad for not kissing her and she wouldn't allow you to kiss her also. So you do not have anything to lose by kissing her before popping the question. If she loves you, she would blush. If not she might slap you. If she slaps you, you already know what you are supposed to do.
What if she proposes me, before I could propose her?

Bingo. You are a lucky guy. Accept her proposal, but still hunt for other options. The grass is always greener on the other side. If you fail to find good pastures for grazing, you can settle down with the girl that proposed you.
Can i propose her through text messaging?

You can. But in such a case, buy a free sms phone card. This would help you to send the same text message to many girls. They say "More the merrier".

If she accepts my proposal,what movie should I take her to?

That depends on your intentions, If you are a movie buff, take her to a good movie. It is a great feeling to watch a movie holding her hands; when she rests her head on your shoulders it would feel like heaven. But if you are a horny boy, do not take her to a movie. There are other places that you can take her. Even school kids take their girlfriends to movie halls for biological explorations. I am sure that you are not immature like a school kid.

Suggest a cheap and best gift that i can give her!

Girls can easily find out whether a gift is costly or not just by looking at the gift. It is very tough to cheat them in the "Gifts" zone. A kiss is the cheapest gift that you can give her. But when presented properly, it becomes the most expensive gift too.

She is Hot, Sexy, Size-Zero, has strawberry lips and is a Jessica Alba look-alike. What should i do?

Give her phone number to me. Forget about her. She is mine.



  1. Yeee!!! First To comment !! Mr.X, Have you tried out all the above methods.. Chrony !! Where the hell were u when he tried these out !! I jus realize how many slaps u ve got !!!

  2. That was awesome.. Hey Mr. X is such a cool person. Semma adi pola?? Good luck with your next one

  3. cool.these help urself series are really great. and as usual hilarious

  4. mr x did so many ...were u sleepy crony..and the tips as usual awesome :)...cant stop the smile :)...


  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

  6. Wow! Thank God Mr X skipped my name in the nose part of the post. :P

    You've to mention your red underwear everywhere?

  7. why would somoone want to touch a girl's nose while proposing her...:):)how did u come up with these things ?

  8. i smiled a lot actually :P

    now i'm ROFLin....

  9. *sakshi in a state of shock after realizing she actually read the whole post* God where in the heavens where you born and what time???? I think all the planets where in total disarray during ur birth time.....

    ROFL at pick up line is American Jack Fruit!!!

  10. Interesting post for guys... girls ku tips ezhudhina nalla irukume .... am waiting for that... I love your alter ego.. romba nallavara irukaru...

  11. Lolzzzz... poke fingers in nose... ewwww what made you think like that :P

    awesome post... and god help those who apply these tips and tricks :P

  12. Haha.. that was awesome..
    chriz, you shd let mr.X do posts more often.. :P

  13. "Another Guy is constantly texting her.What should I do?"
    Thaarumaaru! ithuku thaan trainla , stepsla number ezhuthi vekraangala??:O

    "... a few pick up lines that would not work at all..."

    "... ask her to get out of your car and drive back with hopes of finding another girl...."
    gethu idea!

    you're the only,real,100% certified humor man! I was laughing maniacally reading this post!

  14. y u doing social work these n tips :P..

    btw...i have a ques...plz ask female X for me :P..
    shud i ask the guy which color underwear he is wearing?:P:P

  15. hahahahahaha

    MR X indeed has some points covered up :D

    will defn keep them in my mind :D

  16. Hmm..U indeed are an amalgamation of personalities Chris! There might be a Mr.Y, Z, A, B, etc. hidden somewhere there!
    Now if only the real Chris cud utilise all the alter's advices, he wud be a king of all trades! Sooper Love Guru-ish post!

  17. nice guide book...Beware dear coz many of ur readers will start following the Mr. X :D

  18. i was literally ROFL reading this :D this and ur meeting-wala post are ur best yet!!!
    i'm saving this post for hysterical laughter future references!!!

  19. infuriatingly hilarious......

  20. thalaivaaa, please tell me your mobile number...

  21. as always cool, awesome, insanely funny,and great, had a good long laugh, thx for that :)

    a very happy diwali to you, have fun...

    take care and keep writing..........

  22. That's awesome Man.. long time no see how are you mate?

  23. lmao.. u shd let ur alterego to type in more posts.. i liked this new word.. malignant narcissism..

  24. since when did u turn into a Love Guru? :)

    Hi Chriz!


  25. loved the line on kiss being cheap and expensive at the same time in different ways. Sheer poetry!

    mathadha pathi naan yedhuvum solla virumbala. :p.

    PS: I trust you to expect brick-bats from certain quarters for your alter-egos notoreity. Belated Deepavali wishes! :)

  26. ha ha!!Mr. X....i m sure all the guys who read this post must have learnt a lot from it. :P

  27. that was hilarious like anything, ROFL.

    I am sure that would invite some slaps for sure.

  28. Mister X, you do realize how politically incorrect your suggestions are?! Anyways, that didnt stop me from giggling and laughing out loud! Good job! Keep 'em coming!

  29. Hi...
    This post is so adorable...I am sure this may work as the best pick-up piece’s so cute that were I a hot, sexy, size zero babe, with strawberry lips and a Jessica Alba look alike...I would have surely swooned...
    Tch,tch...alas that I am not! I do pray that u love guru continue to rock with your advices which mostly made a lot of sense!
    A thoroughly enjoyable read..


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