358. My kind of girl

I never felt that I was missing something in life until I realised that i am still single. So if you would ask me whether i would be ready to mingle; the answer would be a loud NO. I find it really hard to handle myself (No pun intended in this line)and i do not want to think about settling down now . There should be only one chatterbox in the family and i strongly believe that it should be me. So should i find a dumb girl? I guess this has nothing to do with my latest attracton towards blondes.Sharapova, Kournikova,Ivanovic; Are you girls listening?

I wanted to marry Sania Mirza, because if she had become my wife, i could accompany her to the grandslams and sit in the crowd and start a conversation with a pretty girl in the crowd. But things did not go as planned and Sania got engaged. I was still ready to accept her. But when she was blanked in the US open second round 6-0,6-0 by Flavia Pennetta, i changed my mind. I dont wanna marry Sania anymore.

It is really hard to find a silent, calm girl. So the probability of me finding a calm girl is nearly nil. Hence I am finding alternate methods to adjust my life, if I end up with a chatter box as my wife. This is the kind of car I would buy. I would make it sure that my wife never gets to drive the car.

Do I have any other options? Should I marry a call girl? err... I meant a call centre girl/ telemarketing girl. I have got a very poor rapport with telemarketing girls. When I was working in the IT Industry, i used to receive regular phone calls from telemarketing girls. I didn't have a clue how they used to get my phone number. I would at least get two calls every week. I soon found a way to deal with them. I am gonna write about three conversation-incidents I had with telemarketing girls (TMG).

1) The caring girl

Chriz: Hello! Who is this? ( I did not know that it was a call from a telemarketer)

TMG: Hello Sir! How are you today? (I hear a girl's voice. My eyes go big)

Chriz: I am fine. Can I know who this is? ( In my best tone)

TMG: Sir I am calling from ABC company. Is it a right time to speak to you? (My eyes go small now and I have had more than enough from telemarketers. So I think of playing along)

Chriz: Yes! This is the perfect timing to talk with someone. I wanted to talk with someone. You know onething; No one cares for me these days. I am glad that you called.

TMG: But sir! I called to inform you that...

Chriz: What is your name?

TMG: Oh sorry sir. My name is Suneeta

Chriz: Wow. that is a lovely name. I had a classmate. Her name was Suneeta too. She is dumb. Hope you are not like her.

TMG: Sir I called to inform you that we have an offer

Chriz: An offer? Wow! You are so sweet. How thoughtful of you. Is it a free flight ticket to Australia?

TMG: Excuse me sir. But i called to inform you

Chriz: Hey Suneeta. I need to go and pee now. Why don't you give me your mobile number? I would give you a missed call tonight. We can talk freely. I would pour my heart out to my new friend

Bang...

That was last time I ever received a call from Suneeta.

2) Hutch Customer Care girl

Back then,I had a hutch phone connection. So i used to get calls from Hutch customer care girls on a regular basis. At first, it was fun to receive calls from them. But when it became an habit, the calls became an headache. One day a girl named Binita called me and tried to get me to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan.When I replied in a husky voice, "I don't have any friends. would you be my friend?" she hung up.

3) Renu?

Once I got a call from a telemarketer and she sounded like my Renu. I kept on insisting her that she was indeed Renu. I asked to stop playing a joke too. "Come on Renu, cut it out! I found you, How is your hubby? Why didn't you name your son, Chriz?". The caller hung up. Now i think it was really Renu at the other end.

My tryst with call centre girls has yielded negative results so far and hence I decided to call my friend Stephen to give me gyaan about girls. Stephen was my college mate and he is like the Will Smith of Hitch. He recently got married. I rang him up.

"Hey Chriz buddy. How with you? Long time bro".

" Yes Stephen! How is married life?"

" It was good in the beginning. Now its boring?"

" Why? You were very good with girls and you ditched every girl in college. Now your folks found a cute girl for you. Why is it boring?"

"Marriage is like a bodyspray bro. It is fresh and nice in the beginning. But very soon the scent mixes with your sweat and combined effect is bad."

" So should i go for an arranged marriage or should i go for love marriage?"

" Well! Let me tell you something. Marriage is like a river. The bridegroom is a creature who doesnt know swimming. Arranged marriage is an art in which the bridegroom is pushed into the river by his folks. Love marriage is the art of committing suicide in which the groom takes the plunge all by himself"

"That is sad. I am scared of getting married now"

" Well. Let me tell you some thing more about life. Life has only two paths.1) Career and 2) Love. Career is nothing but building your career. Love is nothing but building your love"

"Err. How many pegs down?"

" Now pouring my 7th peg bro. Lemme tell you about two more things about life"

" I'll call you laterz bro"

Moral: Never ask advice from a drunk friefnd.

-Chronicwriter