Tuesday, July 28, 2009

351. The Kung-Fu Master

Warning: Extremely dangerous post. Readers are requested not to try this at home.
It is just one month away. I am waiting for that big day in my life. August 28th 2009 is gonna be a great day for me. I am looking forward to it. Dreaming about that day has kept me away from my page for more than a week. I came back to write something about some good old memories from my life.
When I was a 7 year old kid, I saw the movie," Enter the Dragon". I became an instant fan of Bruce Lee. From that day onwards my poor sister would be at the recipient end of my kicks and punches. I would often stand in front of the mirror and admire my rib cage bones (I still do that) and scream like Bruce Lee. Out of rage, I have even gone to the extent of tearing pillows and venting my power output on the cushions. Such outbursts had resulted in my mother punishing me very badly. I am sad that the option of 911 was not there when I was a kid.

I soon joined a Karate class and after 7 years I got my Black belt in Karate. Breaking a clay-brick was not a very tough job anymore. It was as simple as killing a mosquito. Throwing a clay-brick from the top of your house on the road is a simple method to break the brick. I was very good in it. I still do it with ease. When I entered college, I became eligible to become a Karate Master because I also learnt Kung-Fu and I had completed 4 dons after my black belt. But I never told any of my friends that I am an exponent of a martial art.

Soon, I started working in an IT firm and my colleagues found out that I am a Kung-Fu Master. These were the same boys with whom I joined hands and formed the Biker Boy gang (Please read this [link] to know about the dangerous adventures of the Biker Boys). So after much pressure from my friends, I decided to teach them Kung-Fu. In Mandarin, the word "Zhu" is used to refer to a Master. So as a first lesson, I made my colleagues to call me Master.Zhu. They instantly obeyed my command because they knew that if they did not respect their master, they would be subjected to his wrath and his iron fists.(I was their Master)

I envisaged a plan and decided to teach them two Killer Moves that would topple any enemy.

  • 1) The Power Lift
  • 2) The Ostrich kick
The Power Lift is a very dangerous technique that can be performed only by expert Black belt exponents like me. If a person masters the art of Power Lift, he can lift even an elephant.

(Chronicwriter preforming the Power Lift)

The Ostrich Kick is another extreme dangerous martial art move. This move is deadly and can be used to kill three persons simultaneously. This particular move involves great flexibility and the Kung-Fu exponent performs this move in mid air by jumping 6 feet above the ground. The exponent not only jumps 6 feet above the ground but also does a 180 degree split in mid air and spreads his hands like the tail of an ostrich. This move instantly brings death to the enemy.

(The Ostrich Kick) [To be pronounced as Ass-Stretch Kick]
The above two moves are very dangerous and I request my readers, not to try this at home or at market place or in the toilet. Coming back to the topic, I took my friends to the top of a mountain and put them under rigorous training for 30 days. They became physically strong. But to perform the above two deadly moves, one should be emotionally strong too. So I decided to train them with a new form of meditation. I again took them to the top of a mountain and taught them to meditate. If they had meditated for 30 days, they'd have become mentally strong too.

29 days of meditation made them really strong and I knew that they were almost ready for fighting against the world. But on the last day, the unthinkable happened. All my efforts went down the drain because one of my friends (Shiva) did the unthinkable. The candid camera caught him red-handed. He wasn't meditating properly but was smiling during the meditation session and hence my dreams of building a strong team of martial art exponents came down crashing on the final day.

Shiva is now the father of a kid and his naughtiness still prevails. When I think about this Karate memories, a few drop of tears escape from my eye lids.

Note: I am pretty sure that the readers of Chronicwriter.com would have realised by now that the whole post is full of lies. But I assure you that One thing that I mentioned in this post is absolutely true. Can you find what it is?

Additional Note: Chronicwriter is going to shed his clothes for his next post.


  1. Enjoyed as I usually do, dear Chriz!

    *claps* *claps* *claps*

  2. I found the truth Chrony!!!
    You own a black belt obviously bought in some shop :DDD

  3. Hey Chriz, laughed so much.
    Too good.

  4. The truth is that your friend has a kid and is still as naughty as can be.


  5. ha ha ha... yeah one thing is true...
    "When I was a 7 year old kid, I saw the movie," Enter the Dragon"."

  6. The true thing is that you still look at ur rib cage and scream at the mirror? LOL.

  7. Tell me something chris, were the photos for the post or the post on the photos? :P

  8. Tell me something chris, were the photos for the post or the post on the photos? :P

  9. too good "-)
    Laughed so much!

  10. that was a scary post!! :P And i m sure ppl r goin to wait for ur next post for sure. ;)

  11. hey, will come back for this, after writing a long post, my eyes are swearing bad words at me. Will see you soon. TC..:))

  12. "Shiva is now the father of a kid"

    This is a truth?

  13. Shiva is the father of a kid... Thats the truth..

  14. heyaaaaa!!

    nice read again...reprimand that shiva for disturbing the entire schedule :P


    the truth is that u admire ur rib cage bones!!!


  15. "the whole post is full of lies."

    THis is the ruth:P

    How do you manage to think like this? CRAZY!!!

    Rotfling:)Your blog is the ultimate entertainment hub:)

  16. Very Funny Chriz...ROFTL!!!
    The truth is "this blog is full of lies"
    Hotel potu yosikaringala Sir???
    and I enjoyed this post so so so much
    :) :)

  17. Hahaha....hilarious..!
    I'm still in splits..!!
    Keep it up master..! :D

  18. the truth is that u threw bricks from the top floor of ur house down on the streets, and u still do!! LOL

  19. Shiva is the father of a kid :) That's the truth.

    Good one Mate.

  20. Lol...i should also try to learn some moves from you :)

  21. konichiva!

    I just want Master.Zhu to do Drunken Monkey style.

  22. The warning that this is an extremely dangerous post is the ultimate truth?? Wish I did take it seriously...sigh!!

  23. funny post as usual... altho it seemed to lack the punch that others had.

    as for the single truth in the post.. i m not gonna even try. u can reveal it urself thank you! and i'll be more than happy to understand! :P

  24. Truth is.. You can really break the clay brick from the top of your house on the road. :D


    Btw, it is not that easy to kill a mosquito. Really.

  25. (Shiva) did the unthinkable.

    The picture of shiva says it all !

    Man - I was checking your page almost every second day but finally you came again with the unthinkable.

  26. Awesome Ostrich kick...u wud hav joined karate!

  27. "throwing bricks from a great height remains the best and most efficient way to break them"...that my dear Crazy is the truth!!

    ...baaki saab bakwaas.


  28. That power-lift is a major gag! LOL LOL LOL!


  29. Dangerous post???

    This is one post filled with comic lies :P

    better luck next time machi :P

  30. :)

    Liar! Liar!

    You made me laugh yet again..

    I felt as if you got the pictures and then you made a comic story arnd it...hehehe

    about the truth "Shiva has a kid" is the truth out of the whole thingie...may be.

  31. the truth is tht you watched enter the dragon and tore those pillows to pulp lol

    you always make my day chriz, may god bless you with all the smiles and happiness nd with the most beautiful girl on earth

    blog updated hope to see ya there soon,

    take care and keep writing.........

  32. Very dangerous post!!! Sane ppl can go mad :D You have a black belt .. dnt u ?! Tats the truth !

  33. ho ho, i know wat is the only truth in the post - "The whole post is full of lies" , thats the only truth :) , maybe yu have watched the movie another one...ana comedy kemedy panalaye? ha ha :) kalakitingo


  34. LOL @ the power lift! Really good yaar, wonder how you manage to come up with such great ideas! One true thing aa? I think that thing about August 28? Annika yenna? :)

  35. my brother is a big time martial arts fan!! he is learning it too!!
    dunno how can ppl manage to do all those feats!!

  36. you going to shed your clothes??? send me the MMS.

  37. You beating up your sister is the truth isnt it? It has to be..my brother does that with me..so Im sure u do that to ur sister too..all brothers are the same!

  38. The only truth in this post is the line where u said u r lying :D

  39. I second Nachi.. thats d only Truth :-P

    u kicking your sister ah??? we know u wr d one who used to get regular kicks from her and her kids :-D

    ponga pa...

    hey but why this long gap btw posts??? is anythin wrong??

  40. shall i wrtie ur testimonial here :p

  41. Bruce Lee fan...thts the truth!!!
    awesome post as always bro:)

  42. Amazing pics..they are all candid.

  43. ROFL!!
    the only truth must be the movie "enter the dragon" that you watched when you were 7 yrs old? :P

    everything else lies lies!! :D
    funny post as usual!


  44. the only truth is tht the post is full of lies :P

    i just have one word for ur blog - LOL :)
    keep writing :)

  45. Heheheheh...seriously was a dangerous post :)

  46. ROFL IMFAO ooo gosh the last sentences made me laugh more tonesss

    what is true might be watching the movie and becoming the fan :P
    and those pics were amazing ROFL ur too good =)

  47. i guess u watching the movie ws the truth ...i guess so.:P

    well am late sorry...:(

  48. Good job...buddy! The blog is truly full of (original) humor...keep it up...

    Btw..answer to your question: The only truth..you work in IT..!! Let me know if I am right ;)


  49. heyyyyyyyy Chris,

    long time.. how are youuuuuuuuu? missed your blog sooooooo much.. I am back to blogging now.. see you around man..

    Hugs and Cheers
    Kajal (the pink orchid)

  50. The truth could be the fact that you dropped the bricks from the top of your house?:) That was a good post Chriz. The thing with your posts is that it prompts you to read thru' even if you know that every line out there is a mere lie !!! :)

  51. Maachi Karate !!!Seri Vidu Youa re my best frd (Manathai Thrudi Vittai) - Prabhu Deva Dialogue !!!

  52. illa da i couldnt find the truth wats it

  53. Ufff!! You can be SOO funny!!

    Next post >>>> :O ??? What did we ever do to you?? :P


  54. rotfl!!
    *whistles*read your blog after a month and made me laugh yet again...awesome one buddy!!
    and anyways the truth is "shiva is the father of a kid"and "you can break a clay-brick"(you know how!)he he

  55. hi mamaji !
    hilarious post.. !! loved the Ass-stretch kick.. very innovative !

    ive tagged you .. hee hee.. but this one is mandatory ! check 'Sach ka Samna' on my blog :-)

    happy f'ship day

  56. i m ready to join ur classes ...
    how much fees???
    i m comfortabe with Power Lift pose(if u will add that pic in ur log :P...conditions apply)

    as usual..mast mast..post

  57. true one? 'Throwing a clay-brick from the top of your house on the road is a simple method to break the brick. I was very good in it.'?? ;)

  58. Eureka!! I found it!! This is written none other than you chriz. Man you know how to make us laugh, seriously

  59. I was trained in direct by BRUCE LEE's second shisya THAKA LEE..

  60. Your blog is awesome. How do u keep the humour level high every time?

  61. You are having a black belt? I am having a transparent one....the reason others didnt find it out :)

    The only truth would be that shiva is now a father :D


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