Tuesday, June 30, 2009

345. Liar Liar. Pants on Fire

Hi everyone. This is Mr.X. (The alter-ego of Chronicwriter). As Chronicwriter is reluctant to write anything on his blog, i decided to come here and tell everyone one dark secret about Chronicwriter. He is a Liar. Don't believe anything that he says on this blog. (Ok. alright, You can believe all that he says about his folks and about his kids). But do not ever believe a single word when he says that he is in love. He is a total loser and he simply dreams about being in love with a hot girl and all that he writes in this page about his love life are figments of his wild imagination. I am ashamed to call myself as the alter ego of such a loser.

You might ask me why i am so irritated with him.I am mad at him because he tried fooling me this afternoon. I had a conversation with him and he tried to be too smart with me and that is the exact moment I decided that I am gonna tear his image into pieces. Please go through the conversation i had with him.

Mr.X: Hi Chriz! (Chrony/Chronicwriter). Why aren't you blogging or visiting any blogs these days?
Chrony: I couldnot find anymore fotos of her.
Mr.X: Whose photos?
Chrony: Divya
Mr.X: She is your girlfriend( Read this[link] to read about Chronicwriter's new girlfriend Divya)
Chrony: You believed that too? Hahaha
Mr.X: So you lied?
Chrony: I never lied. If only such a girl exists...
Mr.X: Then whose photo is that?
Chrony: She is a model. I just have three of her fotos.[photo-1] , [photo-2]
Mr.X: So you are gonna reveal to your blog mates that you played a prank
Chrony: No! I am not gonna do that. I just morphed her third picture along with me and i will continue to fool them by posting that picture in my next post.
Mr.X: But do you think that your readers believe you? They already know that you bluff in this page.
Chrony: But they will believe when i write one more post about Divya.
Mr.X: What Joy do you get by doing so? Are you really that desperate?
Chrony: If you are single like me, you will understand my feelings
Mr.X: I am not gonna accept all your excuses. I Will tear you apart by blowing the whistle
Chrony: Why would you do that?
Mr.X: So that you stop fooling around with your imagination.
Chrony: Come on... You can't do this to me
Mr.X: I could and I will. When you really get hitched, no one is gonna believe you.
Chrony: Hahaha. Even I am not gonna believe if such a thing happens.
Mr.X: Now don't try to crack a joke. I am gonna reveal this to the blog world. Bye

Chronicwriter went back to post something on his wall in facebook and I came here to write this post. By the way, do you want to see the third picture? If the answer is Yes, I can clearly say that, No One can really save you.
Please Note: The picture is so cute!!! Should I add it in the next post?
Before I leave I would like to give an advice to all the pregnant women in the world.
Mr.X's Advice to pregnant women
If you have an appointment with the dentist because of tooth ache and if you have an appointment with the gynaecologist for your regular check-ups, please make it sure that you go to the right person for the correct treatment. Remember that a dentist and a gynaecologist are different people performing different professional work

Thursday, June 25, 2009

344. The lefties

I have always had an admiration for left handed guitarists. I started learning guitar when i was in class 3. I was 7 years old then. I am right handed. But i always used to dream about playing the guitar in left handed position. My dream never came true. I did my first ever guitar concert when I was 8 years old.Left handed guitarists have always had the centre stage. My first inspiration was Jimi Hendrix. His native American style of riffing blues along with jazz is a feet that was never achieved by anyone in the string industry.

Another left handed guitarist who had my attention was Kurt Kobain. The nirvana stringster is one of the all time great songwriters in history. He had a very short life.His punk rock style of plucking the guitar sure was a complete contrast to his rough stoned external looks.

How could one write a post on music without Beatles in it. Beatles is my all time favorite secular band. They were the innovators of all genres of music. John Lennon had the voice that any man would always dream of. But Paul McCartney was the heart-throb, not just because of his looks and his skills with the bass guitar but also because of the fact, that he was a leftie.

If there is one name that comes into my mind when i think about surf-stringing, it has to be Dick Dale.In the sixties,he introduced single-note staccato technique which is now very popular among death-metal bands

There is a new left handed guitarist in the block. He will make it big one day. He is now 4 years old. He doesn't play any chords nor does he riff along with the strings;but he sure knows how to use the guitar. He is my nephew Jeremy. He will soon start taking guitar classes. But his interest for the six-stringed instrument is so great that he is already performing in the dining room, hall and bedroom.Check one of his home performances here.It is a one minute video.It wont take much time for you to view the video. So please view the video before commenting on this post.

To view Chronicwriter's first on-stage performance (20 years ago),click here[link]


Wednesday, June 17, 2009

360. Private Parts for dummies

When God created Man and Woman, he did not create them with a Colourful shirt, Gucci jeans and Jordan shoes. God just created them naked. So when God created human beings, he did not segregate a few parts as private parts. Each and every part of the body was available for public display. One day Man was running around in the woods when a mosquito bit him in the "Crouching Tiger" part of the body.The bite was so painful; it made man to cover his Crouching Tiger with his hand and run around crying in pain. This particular incident formed the crux of the movie "Crouching Tiger -Hidden Dragon". The movie talks about the pre-mosquito bite days(crouching tiger) and the post- mosquito bite days (hidden dragon) of Man.

Coming back to the topic; man soon found a leaf and covered the mosquito bite region and called it the forbidden island.When woman saw man with a leaf she did not have a single clue about the reason for man covering the forbidden island with a leaf. She wanted to know the reason. But her ego did not allow her to ask the question. So she assumed that man invented a new way to throw attitude and she wanted to go a step ahead of man. So she took a leaf and covered the south pole part of her body with it. She used her hair to cover the north pole part of her body. The above picture will give you a better idea. So in due course of time these parts of the body which were originally available for public display were screened behind leaves and they came to be known as "Private parts" .

After so many years, we still call them, private parts and these parts of the human body are usually covered with clothes. The society does not allow these parts of the body to be displayed in public. This is the reason why young boys and girls when they attain puberty, become so curious to conduct experiments and researches on the private parts. Many young boys and girls take one more step forward and garner knowledge on the private parts of the opposite gender. 

Internet PORN acts as a major teaching source for the hormone-bubbling young boys and girls. (PORN is the abbreviation of Private Organ Revealing Network). The Film censorship boards have devised age validated certificates for films which would allow youngsters to view Private Parts according to their age. The age certification details are given below.

PG - Youngsters can watch the private parts with parental guidance
15 - Youngsters can watch private parts, a maximum of 15 times
18 - Movies that are suitable only for 18 years and above, because north pole is occasionally shown.
A - Adult movies. These movies are not suitable for children, because adults act like children in such movies.
XX - Educational movies that feature frequent display of north pole and occasional display of The Crouching Tiger
XXX - Movies that are suitable for people with High IQ levels. The focus of these movies are only on the private parts.
7X - These kind of movies are the associates of pet societies like PETA,Blue Cross, Go Green Movement. Man's love for animals is explained in detail in such movies.
U,G - There is no need to explain the meaning of such movies in this post.

So far, I have just given the introduction for this post. I haven't got into the topic yet. So without further ado, let me jump into the topic. Over the years, the private parts haven't changed. The North pole,South pole and The crouching tiger have always remained as private parts. 

Mallika Sherawat, Rakhi Sawant, Kate Winslet and Monica Bellucci are certain human beings who have not understood the meaning of the word, "Private Parts" and hence they cover the public parts of their body and constantly reveal their private parts for public display. Environmentalists have warned the world that due to Greenhouse effect, the ice will melt from the North pole and as a result the whole world will be flooded with water. No one had any idea to solve this upcoming great danger. But Pamela Anderson became the pioneer in a great revolutionary moment by enhancing the North Pole with plastic implants. Many great environmentalists soon followed suit.

The earth is no more a safe place to live in because of pollutants. Harmful diseases are spreading worldwide because of Bacteria, Virus, Germs , Parasites and John Buchanan. Because of this diseases like common cough to Swine flu have started to terrorise people. The face mask is a protective gear which is advocated for everyone to protect them from harmful diseases. Face mask has now become a fashion statement indeed. Every Tom, Dan and Harry wear a face mask these days. If this trend continues, face mask would soon become a regular costume for human beings. The french kiss would lose its magic.

The nose and mouth would become the private parts of the future. If such a scenario happens, the following incidents will also take place in future.
  • "Ma'm! Nikhil showed his mouth"... "Nikhil! How dare you do such an obscene act? Come to school with your parents"
  • 12 year old Tony talks to his friend Steve - "I saw the heroine's nose in that movie"... " You are lucky. Do you have that movie DVD? Please pass it on to me. I would watch it without my parents' knowledge"
  • Mother to Daughter -" Cover your nose fully. Cover it till the eyes. Boys these days will take advantage of it. Girls from good families never show their nose"
  • Steve to Tony -" I saw a movie in which the heroine shows her mouth"... " Wow! Did you see the lips?"... " I saw the teeth too"... " Can you give me the DVD?"
  • Sheela to Reena -" Can you see that guy over there?"... " Yes! What is so special in him?"... " He has a long nose. I can see it from his face mask"... " Don't you dare dream about him. He is taken"
  • Pictures like this would be available only in porn sites in the future.

This is a picture of a blog friend of mine. She is a blonde. I added a Nose picture of another blog mate too. But when she threatened to kill me, I removed her Nose from this post.


343. Sibling Love

Hi Everyone! It is me!! Jolena!!!

I am the niece and Godchild of the author of this Blog. I am pretty sure that I am more famous than my Uncle,Chriz. I am two years old and I can talk a few sentences in two languages (Tamil and English). My mom says that I am very naughty. I eat all the time. I love eggs and i always tell me my mom to make me Bulls-eye. I am a perfectionist and hence if the yellow is not in proper circular shape, i start to cry. My mom pinches me sometimes. But she is scared that my brother might dial 911 for our safety. So on most occasions, I have things going MY WAY.

My uncle is busy these days with some aunt.My Uncle is my mom's younger brother. I call my mother,momma and I call my Uncle, maamaa. The relationships are so confusing for a little girl like me. I am not sure whether he is really going around with that aunt because my Mom said," Chriz maamaa doesn't have the talent to woo a girl". She also said,"Barking dogs seldom bite". I never understood the meaning of that sentence. But anyways, as my uncle is busy with that aunt, he asked me to write a blog post on his page. So I am just taking a little bit of time from my busy schedule to write this post. I am gonna write about brother-sister relationships.
You all know, that I always add lot of pictures when I narrate a story. My uncle copied my idea and that is how he became famous. Let me come back to the topic on sibling relationships.
This is my mom and my Uncle when they were kids. My mom was five years old and my uncle was just two then. My uncle was a brat and he used to pinch, kick and bite my poor mom. But now they are great friends.

This is me and my brother. He will turn 5 soon and I am 2 years old now. We are great friends too but at times we fight too. I love to dress up in matching colors. Do you have a fashion sense like me?

My brother is my Hero. He can dive

He can play the drums

He is also good with the computers. My brother might soon start a blog also.

He can slide sideways

My brother is a leftie. He plays the guitar left handed like Paul McCartney. I always play with my doll.

I also love to play basketball. But I don't know the rules of the game. There are no rules when I play the game. I make the rules.

This is our new tent. I love to play alone in the tent. But my brother doesn't respect my privacy on most occasion. During such times, I would throw tantrums and my dad would come and solve the matter for us. Apparently the tent is now missing from our house. I think that my mom has hidden it somewhere.

I love my Dad. I call him "Dada".

Dada is my brother's physical trainer. He takes us to the playground and trains my brother to perform gymnastic stunts in the playground.

Sometimes it is so scary to see some of the stunts that my brother does

I watch all these action from the swing. I love playing in the swing.

Nirmal uncle is my Mother's cousin. My mom taught me to call him "Chithappa". That was tough for me. So i devised my own way of calling him and I call him "Pachi". One day Nirmal uncle (Blue shirt) came to our place. When no one was looking at me, I bit my brother and ran away. My brother was very cross with me and started chasing me. I ran behind my Pachi and he saved me from getting beaten up by my brother.

One day me and my brother were watching TV and we saw some men fighting on TV. My mom came to the room and said," Who made you watch WWE?" in a very rough tone. She switched the TV off and asked us to go and play. So me and my brother decided to play Towel wrestling.

He grabbed me,lifted me up and threw me away. I flew like a bird.

But In Round Two, I gained upper hand and in fact I went on to pin my brother on the mat.

My dada counted 1,2,3 and I won.

I knew that my brother lost on purpose to make me feel happy. He is a good brother.

At the end of the day we would be so hungry and we would end up sitting in the kitchen like this and watch our momma cook food for us.

My maamaa says that he is busy with this aunt.He sent many photos of this aunt to my mom. Her name is Divya. I am not sure if he is telling me the truth or not. In my life, I have never seen a confused soul like my uncle.

He might be speaking the truth. He might be cooking up stories. I don't care because even if this aunt comes into his life, he would still be writing about me and he would still be my maama and nothing can change that. I know that I am his only God Child.

Monday, June 15, 2009

342. When I am in love...

I never like to take up tagged posts. But now I wanted to do this one because this is one tag that will be done by people in Love. Chronicwriter has also fallen in love and hence this tag.

- Available: Yes I was, till a week back. But now I am taken
- Age: 27
- Annoyance: Anyone getting personal with me
- Animal: Bow Bow

- Beer: Bomber, Foster and our very own Kalyani.I am non alcoholic now
- Birthday/Birthplace: April 13th every year/ A hospital in Coimbatore in India
- Body Part on opposite sex: Those sugar sweet lips
- Best feeling in the world: When she says "Heluv Chroneee"
- Blind or Deaf: Blind in love
- Best weather: Summer with a cool breeze
- Been in Love: It is a very new feeling
- Been on stage?: Always. I love handling the microphone. Being a stand-up-comedian is good in one way[link]
- Believe in yourself?: I believe in my God
- Believe in life on other planets: Yes. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Does that mean OTHERS are from Earth?
- Believe in miracles: Yes. My life is full of miracles. [The miracles in my life]
- Believe in God: I do worship the One God- The Alpha and The Omega.( Yahweh, Ruah, Yeshua are His trinitarian names.)

- Car: I am not much into cars. Would love to get Oscar one day.
- Candy: Would prefer anything with a chocolate spread
- Color: Beaten Black and Blue (Red Underwear)
- Cried in school: Not in front of girls. But many a times in the loo.
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla frosting on Hot Chocolate sauce
- Countries visited: India,South Africa, Yemen, Singapore and China

- Day or Night: The Lion hunts in the dark.
- Danced: Yes! I am a dance instructor. Now teaching basic salsa steps to Divya.
- Dance in the rain?: Yes. I have even cried and peed in the rain.
- Do the splits?: Yes.I am still flexible. Sometimes end up with groin cramps.

- Eggs: Put a hole and suck it raw.
- Eyes: When my fingers play with her eyebrows.(If you are in love, you would understand it)
- Everyone has: emotions

- First crush: Renu.
- First thoughts waking up: Where is the snooze button.
- Food: Self cooking. Chef diaries would be active in this blog soon.[link]

- Greatest Fear: Judgement day
- Giver or taker: I was a taker. Now i am learning to give.
- Goals: Be good and save souls.
- Get along with your parents?: A wacky mom who makes a great partner in crime.She did my portfolio[link]. A calm dad who always admires the crazy stunts.

- Hair Colour: Black.Soft and curly.The quantum changes according to my mood.
- Height: 164 cms (5 feet 4.8 inches) But i always round it off to 5 feet 5 inches (Sachin Tendulkar's height)
- Happy: That is why this blog exists
- How do you want to die: With a conviction that i will go to heaven.
- Health freak?: Yes. Very conscious about my figure. Next mission is size zero.
- Hate: Temptations to fall for sin.

- Ice Cream: No. I keep myself away from Ice cream.
- Instrument: I sleep in a double-cot with my guitar on one side. My mouthorgan will be under the pillow and the keyboard under the bed.

- Jewelry: A thin chain that is around my neck for a long time with a cute cross as the pendant.
- Job: I am a Gospel evangelist. I am working on building a simple writing career.

- Kids: Love my nephew Jeremy(4) and my lollipop niece Jolena (2)
- Kickboxing or karate: Black belt in Karate (Shito-Ryu)
- Keep a journal?: My personal diary is an interesting read for my friends. It is full of lies too

- Love: Being alone thinking crazy stuff. But now I love being with my Love.
- Laughed so hard you cried: I wanna do that someday
- Love at first sight: Yes. I am practising it.

- Mooned anyone?: Yes.Once in the college where I did my MBA,"Rajagiri". In one crazy drunken state I mooned my hostel warden. He was also a priest. I was thrown out of hostel only to be taken back after my acting skills worked well with the college management.
- Marriage: Bells will ring sometime soon.
- Motion sickness?: I am in a state of inertia now.

- Number of Siblings: one lovely sister (The mother of Jeremy and Jolena)
- Number of Piercings: Had Three (Two on my ears and one on my right eyebrow)

- One wish: I want this love to last for a lifetime.

- Place you'd like to live: My bedroom at my folks place.
- Perfect Pizza: I am not much into pizzas. I would prefer rice with fish curry any day
- Pepsi/Coke: Anything goes.

- Questionnaires: Prepared many for my research and thesis work.
- Queue: Thanks to online booking, I don't have to stand in queues and more.

- Reason to cry: Now I have many reasons to smile
- Reality T.V.: For immature kids
- Roll your tongue in a circle: and then. do what?

- Song: Christian Gospel
- Shoe size: 8
- Slept outside: Yes . Once with my dog.
- Seen a dead body? Yes. Tsunami-December 26,2004 comes to my memory. I was in Chennai.
- Smoked?: Yes. In college. Not anymore.
- Skinny dipped?: Yes. Me and my six crazy friends in a pool(We used to call ourselves sexy seven). They did it in the main pool where as I splashed around in the baby swimming pool.The sexy seven[link]. All of us are perfectly straight.
- Shower daily?: Twice a day. Cleanliness freak.
- Sing well?: I guess so.
- In the shower?: Always. I stand under the shower and sing aloud facing the shower, with water filling my mouth. That is how new genres are invented.
- Swear?: No. I don't indulge in swearing.
- Stuffed Animals?: Presented one to my Love.
- Single/Group dates: Always preferred a group date. But now I am loving the Two-to-Tango concept.
- Strawberries/Blueberries: I love both.Fresh ones though.
- Scientists need to invent: A lie detector machine that can catch me red handed

- Time for bed: 4 am.
- Thunderstorms: She hugged me when there was a thunderstorm. I want more thunderstorms.
- TV: Talk shows-Ellen,Letterman,Whose line is it anyway
- Touch the nose with your tongue: I tried and succeeded in touching her nose with my tongue.

- Unpredictable: Always.In that way, I am predictable.

- Vegetable you hate: I don't hate any vegetable.
- Vegetable you love: Ladies fingers (Prefer manicured ones over ordinary ones)
- Vacation spot: Silicon Valley ( I am not talking about Pamela Anderson's cleavage)

- Weakness: My blog page
- When you grow up: I never grew up physically and I don't really think that I grew up mentally too.
- Worst feeling: When you can't lend your shoulder to a friend who needs it.
- Wanted to be a model?: Yes. Have done ramp walks in school. But I was never considered for ramp walks in college due to my huge physical frame.
- Where do we go when we die: I wanna go to paradise.
- Worst weather: Non stop rain.

-XRays: I used to keep the Xray sheets between my record note books in school

-Year it is now: 2009
-Yellow: Never had jaundice

- Zoo animal: Mosquito
- Zodiac sign: Aries


Saturday, June 13, 2009

341. Chronicwriter is Hitched

Some people just walk into our life and perform magic tricks with our heart. I have never experienced LOVE in the romantic sense. I have walked in this planet Earth for the past 27 years and there has been crushes and infatuations and i have even had the HOTS for a few girls. But I was never ever reciprocated with love.But they say that change is the only constant thing, and that change happened in my life two weeks back. I first saw her 12 days back. Now as I type this post I am so glad because her words," Chriz, I love you too" is still echoing in my ears. Now, even I know the feeling of being by loved by someone so sweet and special.Yes! Chronicwriter is hitched.
How did it happen?
I live in the 32 floor in a two bedroom apartment. I am very close with all my neighbours. My previous post was on my 7 year old neighbour Ryan. The opposite house remained unoccupied for more than three weeks.The previous inhabitants were a bunch of unruly bachelors and the owner of the apartment asked them to vacate the place.But 12 days back, someone moved in and occupied the house. I was very glad because now I did not have to always look at a locked door. But when i went to see the new occupant, the house was locked. Later I came to know from a neighbour that a girl has moved in and she has gone for work. I waited till evening and finally caught a glimpse of her when she made her entry into her house on her way back from work. She was very cute.
The next day, I woke up early and again found the door locked. By evening, I had gathered few information about the girl.
Name: Divya Sukumar (Sukumar is her father's name)
Job: Sports Journalist in a very reputed media firm.
Mother Tongue: Tamil
These information were more than enough for a bachelor like me. The next two hours were spent on the net to find out all the information about Divya. Thanks to social networking sites and blog-networks, i finally gathered a few more information about her.
Age: 22 years (A gap of 5 years. I am 27)
Height: 5 feet 2 inches (Yipee! I said to myself)
Status: Single (One of the social networking sites mentioned that Divya had never been in a relationship)
In one of the social networking sites, she had stated that she was interested in humorous people. That made my day. I also found that she was a blogger and also found her blog URL [link]. But i was very much disappointed because I could not gain access to her blog as it was open only for invited readers. But I started reading all her articles in her sports page and i really liked her writing skills. I even sent her an email saying that I was a blogger and I would be happy if she could grant me access to her blog. She did not bother to reply. She did not know that the mailer was actually her opposite guy neighbour. I was disappointed because she did not even bother to check my blog either.
Now I really wanted to meet her and talk to her. I noticed her daily routine. She left for work at 8 a.m, and returned from work at 7 p.m. So i decided to meet her in the lift. I was Glad because the lift travel would take almost a minute because we were in the 32nd floor. The next morning, i woke up early and went to the lift bay at 7.50 a.m. She came there at 8 a.m. The next moment we were inside the lift. Her perfume was so soft and tender. I couldn't speak to her. That's when I realised that LOVE can even freeze a non-stop-chatter-box's mouth.

That evening I travelled with her from ground floor till the 32nd floor. We walked side by side and we opened our doors at the same time and our eyes met just before we shut the doors of our houses.I smiled at her and she gave back the sweetest smile I have ever see in my life. I was the happiest guy around. I started jumping around. The lift journeys continued and in the next three days we had exchanged a few words too, " Hello, Good morning, Good evening, Hi, Floor number 32 please". Last week, i had the opportunity to carry on a conversation with her because the lift was not in working condition and we had to climb all the 32 floors. Almost everyone would have hated such a climb; but that was the best climb i ever had. We talked about our likes, dislikes and i found out that she was a good conversationist too. Finally when we reached the 32nd floor, she was very tired

Me: Did you get a mail from a blogger asking for permission to view your blog?

She: Yes. How do you know that?

Me: You are speaking to him.

I gave her my blog link and we said good night to each other. The next morning, i found that she had commented on 30 posts of mine. She even sent a chat invite to my mail id. She also sent an invite to read her blogs. I was the most happiest person in the world. We spent hours on chatting with each other and soon we were talking to each other on the phone. We found that we were very comfotable with each other. For the last four nights we were having our dinner together. This evening I jokingly quipped,"Divya! Shall we get married?" "Why not" came the instant reply. Silence followed. Our eyes spoke the language of love.

"Was that a serious answer"

"Yes It was. I think I have found my guy!"

"Can I make you mine?"

"You can!"

"Let me make it sound classical then. Girl;-I Love You"

"Chriz,I love you too"

We walked back together. Hands held together. It was completely a new feeling for me. I did not want to leave her hand. I came back to my place and I rang her up

She:Yes Chrony (She calls me Chrony when she gets mushy)

Me:I am gonna blog about you.

She: I dont think you would do that.

Me:Why would you say that?

She: You always write funny stuffs in your blog. I don't think you would write something like this

Me:Everything has a new beginning. I am also adding a picture of you in my blog

She: Are you serious?

Me: Yes! The one in your facebook profile.

She: Your readers would treat it as a joke.

Me: I don't think so.

She: Ok. Tell me when you publish it. I want to be the first one to read it.

After our call got over, I started typing this post. I even gave a call to my mom and said,"Mom! Your son has finally found a daughter-in-law for you". "Don't fool around". " Check my blog mommy". By the way, this is my Divya.


Tuesday, June 09, 2009

340. The Beer Boy

Beauty lies in the eyes of the Beer Holder
- Anonymous Drunkard
I am very good with kids. Not the Michael Jackson way;but in a very healthy manner. The kids near my place like talking and spending time with me because I tell them stories all the time. Most of the time I will start telling them a story and the story would go on and on and I would not have any idea on how to end the stories.Last month I caught my 7 year old neighbour-"Ryan", drinking a can of beer. He was shell-shocked and he pleaded with me not to tell about it to his mom. But I wanted to take my revenge on him for what he told about me to his beautiful mother [link]. But finally I assured him that I would not complain about him to his mom when he agreed to give me ten bucks everyday- for one whole month
The very next day, He gave me ten bucks and I asked him," Ryan! So tell me... What does your dad do when he gets drunk?"
"My dad sleeps off when he gets drunk. So I gulp the rest of the beer bottle and even give some beer to my dog and it is really funny to see my dog when it is stoned"
"Does your mom know about it?"
"No! She gets sloshed before Dad"
The stories that he told gave me a chilling effect on my tail bone. He also told me that he had his first beer when he was just 12 months old. In the picture below, Ryan is all excited about his first beer. If you want to know about my first experience with alcohol, read this post [link]

The next day Ryan again gave me another ten bucks and he also showed me some other pictures from his photo album. Apparently Ryan had his first girlfriend when he was three years old. In the below picture, Ryan is seen drinking with his ex-girlfriend. Ryan is now 7 and already he has had eleven girlfriends in his life. I am a 27 year old single guy and Ryan really gave me a big complex when he explained about his love escapades.

Ryan's dad has got the biggest Beer belly, I have ever seen. He can do many tricks with his belly. He is seen performing one of his tricks in the below picture. Ryan's dad is having this big belly for the past ten years. If you think that a woman has to suffer a lot by carrying a child in her womb for 10 months, you gotta see Ryan's dad. When ever I see him, I feel like asking him lot of questions about his beer belly. But I never do that.( Ryan's dad is a bouncer and he can punch real hard)

Ryan gave me another ten bucks today and finally the one month pact got over and now he can breathe in peace. I still can break the deal and complain about him to his mom. But i am not doing it because Ryan has promised to introduce me to the cute girl who has moved in to the opposite flat. Ryan told me that her name is Divya and that she loves humorous people. Should I make the move?

Note: For the past one month, ten bucks started disappearing from my wallet everyday. Is something wrong with my wallet?

Additional Note: Just as I was typing this line, I looked out the window and saw Divya. She smiled at me . Is this a new beginning in Chronicwriter's life?


Monday, June 08, 2009

339. Those daily activities

When I was a little boy I had to do a daily chore which was tiring indeed. I used to get up at 7 am. As soon as I got out of bed, I used to remove the bedspread,take it to the bathroom and soak it in a bucket of soap water. Then I would come back to my bedroom and carry the bed-mattress all the way to the top of the house and leave it there for the sun to dry the wet bed. Carrying a heavy bed was not an easy job at all. Then I would come down,brush my teeth, clean my tummy, take a bath, wash the urea-perforated bedspread, have breakfast, and then rush to school. After coming back to school, I would go upstairs and carry the dried mattress down to my bedroom.

This was my daily activity as a child. Everyday I would take a decision that I would not pee in my bed anymore.But every morning when i wake up, I would realise that i had failed to abide by my decision.My folks tried every method under the sun to stop their son from wetting the bed every night. They did not allow me to drink water in the night. All their efforts went in vain. I am not gonna reveal the last time I wet my bed as a CHILD. All I can say is that I don't wet my bed anymore.Does that mean that I don't have any more wet dreams? If you are laughing at me, I am sure that you would have done it too. I can hear you saying,"Been there . Done that mate".

Another daily activity of mine was getting punished at school; for not doing the homework, for sticking chewing gum under the table, for hiding Shabir's pencil because of he talking with Renu (Renu was my childhood sweetheart and Shabir was her sweetheart. We were classmates from kindergarten). My school teacher lacked the creative punishment skills. She either made me to kneel down or made me to hug my own thighs (see picture below- The boy sans the school bag is me)

Another daily activity of mine was stealing mangoes from a house on the way back home from school.There were many mango trees in my house with tasty mangoes. But the taste of a stolen mango was way sweeter than eating mangoes from your own backyard. Now a days when little kids climb our compound wall to steal mangoes from our house, i remember my childhood days and that brings a smile on my face.

Practically I complete two years of blogging today, though theoretically I am blogging for 27 years. I would also like to announce the winner of the Chronic caption Award. The contest was a tough one and there were many entries.[link] I liked almost all the captions. Finally I selected one caption that I thought was the best among the lot. The caption is,"I'll return it, i promise!".The winner is a One and a half year old baby, "Emaan".

The caption must have been written by his Daddy.But still when I saw the photo, I did not think twice to select the winner. I congratulate Emaan baby for winning the contest.Chronic-Maamaji's kisses flying all the way across blog-ville for Emu-Boy. I am pretty sure that all the girls would be saying "Chow chweet-baby, Emu et all". Yes Emaan is the ultimate ladies-Baby Boy. I also convey my sincere appreciation to all those who participated in the contest.

My present daily activities would hit the page soon


Friday, June 05, 2009

338. You say it

It is competition time yet again.

Rules & Regulations:

1) Give a caption for the following picture ( Maximum 8 words)

2) Send your entries before 4 pm (IST) 07-June-2009.

3) Vulgarity is prohibited.

4) One person can send in more than one entry but not more than five entries


1) The winner will be announced on 8th June 2009.

2)The winner will get the Chronic-Caption-Award.

3) The winner will also win an award winning foreign language movie VCD (with English subtitles) [The movie will be from IMDB's top 100 movies]. After the winner's name is announced, the winner can mail his/her mailing address to prason@chronicwriter.com. The VCD will be couriered to the winner.

May the most Creative person WIN!!!


Wednesday, June 03, 2009

337. Philosophy for a change

Does Humor and poetry gel well? The previous post was a clear indication that humor and poetry are indeed a deadly combination. This post doesn't have humor in it. I am just taking a little break from my forte -"Humor".

When a friend of mine approached me and said,"Chriz! Why don't you write an article on your favorite subject-Psychology", I gave much thought to it and finally decided to write one article on the same. After ploughing my brain for a while, i decided to pen an article on Relationships.

I chose this topic because everyone could relate to it. Though the subject line indicates that it is a philosophical post, this article is embedded with psycho-Analytical statements.I would refrain from using technical language to make this post reader-friendly.

Disclaimer: The author was not drunk while typing this post.

Relationships are built on Trust. So to understand the term-"Relationship", one should exactly have a very clear idea about TRUST.

A couple ended their relationship after loving each other for more than ten years . When a common friend approached them and asked the reason behind they splitting up their answer was,"we have never understood each other and we don't trust each other any more". So It took 10 years for them to realize it?

Doesn't that sound Strange?
Why do people fall out of trust?
Can we conclude "Lack of Trust" as the reason behind relationship failures?

When such questions arise, we should test our own Senses. Yes! The Five Senses. We all know that the five senses are

1) Sense of Sight
2) Sense of Taste
3) Sense of Hearing
4) Sense of Touch
5) Sense of Smell

These five senses play a very major role in the decision making process of any human being. But can we Trust these five sensory inputs of our physical form? The answer is No. Our senses deceive us every minute.

1. Deception in sight
Place a stick in a bucket of water. It appears to have a bend,but we know that there is no bend in it.Yes our eyes deceive us.
2.Deception in Taste
Eat a bar of chocolate or anything sweet & then drink milk or coffee with sugar in it.Our tongue will say that there is no sugar in it.
3.Deception in Hearing
If we think that we can at least trust our ears, we are complete fools because our ears doesn't pick up millions of radio frequencies.
4. Deception in Touch
In a physics laboratory we would have done the experiment with hot & cold water.Take two containers of water, one hot & another cold. Place one hand inside hot water and the other hand inside cold water.After 2 minutes reverse your hands.The cold water will appear hot & hot cold.
5.Deception in Smell
You could even survive without a bath for one whole week. No one around you will know it if you spray perfume all over your body.

Yes our senses are the greatest deceivers

People often say that Trust can be built over a period of Time. But again we can never Trust Time. People often fall out of relationships not because of lack of trust, but because they never understand the value of relationships. Yes! Self realisation is needed to strengthen a relationship. You either have 100 percent Trust or No Trust. There is nothing in-between in Trust.


Note: Humor posts will continue. An exciting competition is coming up.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

336. The Kick - Poetry

My first day in the football field
I did not have a proper shield

Like a lightening came a boy so small
And kicked the wrong Ball

Harleys, Planes and Racing Cars
I even saw some twinkling Stars

Agony and pain was in a Tangle
I thought I was in Bermuda Triangle

I limped,then I fell and I crawled a mile
Painful memory; But now it just leaves a smile


We all have painful memories. Some memories would have been so painful when we encountered it. But when we turn back and look back at those painful moments, we might end up having a smile in our faces. Everyone would have painful memories - be it emotional or physical.

But do we cling on to the painful memories?
Do we have the strength to look at such moments and Smile

Note: Painful memories that you have come across,can be shared in the comment section. Please note that the aim is not to vent or crib in the comment box, but to convey your positive take on painful memories. It might be soothening for many pained souls.