275. Intelli-Gent(s) Conversation

Remember those drunken encounters. When we saw stars inside our drawing hall. Birds flying under our bed sheets. A state of drunkenness can make wonders in the pre-hangover session for anyone. All the drunkards around the globe would agree with me on this.If you do not agree with me, all you gotta do is take a gulp of alcohol before reading any further.

This is an intoxicating post.Have you had a conversation with a drunk maniac? On most occasions the conversations would be real fun. But sometimes it may end really bad for the passive listener. I was a passive listener on one occasion. But I was made to actively participate in the conversation

It was the autumn of 2004. Do not ask silly questions like ,"Does India have Autumn season?". I read a Irwing Wallace book and found a particular chapter commencing with such a line and hence I too wanted to write that way. Coming back to that interesting and fateful night...

It was 9.30 pm. I was in Chennai. I was planning to return home from work and found that my bike had a flat tyre. I decided to take the public transport to go back home. Five minutes later, I boarded a bus.Very few travellers were inside the bus. I took a seat near the back of the bus next to a man in his mid thirties. It was a very rare sight to see such an empty bus in Chennai. The seats were occupied by people but no one were standing.

Just when I thought that everything was calm and peaceful, the man next to me started smiling at me.He was heavily drunk and I felt something odd in his smile. I turned away."Why did you turn away?", I heard a rough tone behind my earlobes. It was him. I tried to Ignore him. But again he patted on my shoulder and asked me to turn and sit. I turned and sat facing him.He started a conversation

Drunk Maniac: Why did not you smile back at me?
I just looked at him
Drunk Maniac: Smile
Me: Sorry for not smiling at you. (I smiled at him)
DM: Don't you brush your teeth? Close your mouth you idiot.
I never saw that coming
DM: Why are you not answering me. See my teeth
Then he smiled and showed his teeth. It looked like the yolk of an egg flowing through the rear end of a pig
Me:Yes sir! Your teeth looks great. I would also try to keep my teeth as white as yours
DM: gOoOOOOd.
and then he burped. The smell was unbearable.
DMWhat is your name?
i thought of telling some other name
Me: Bill Clinton.
DM: No wonder your teeth is in that colour
two young guys were sitting behind us and they were following our conversation. They started smiling at me. Shame engulfed me.
Me: Sir! What is your name
DM: George Bush. Hahahahahaha.
handling this guy was very difficult. he played my trick in my own playground.
DM: Which school are you in?
that was the biggest insult i faced that day. I am a 22 year old ADULT and he was asking me which school I go to!!
Me:Sir ! I am not in school. In fact I am working.
DM: HAHAHAHAHAHA. Can you laugh like me
Me: Yes sir
DM: Then laugh
Me: hahahaha
DM: laugh louder man. Why are you laughing as if you are suffering from constipation
Me:Sir this is a public place and lot of people are sitting in this bus
DM:I know that. But we are living in a democratic country. You should laugh now
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
now everyone in the bus were looking at me. the ticket collector in the bus gave me a dirty stare. I stopped laughing immediately
DM: you laugh like an idiot
Me: Thank you sir

Suddenly the drunk maniac pulled the hair of the lady sitting in front of us. I never thought in my wildest dreams that he would do such a thing. The lady stood up from her seat and started swearing at me.The drunk maniac was also looking at me as if I was the culprit.

The conductor blew the whistle and the bus stopped. I was asked to step out of the bus. I was at least glad that I was not beaten up.I wanted to cry and say that I was innocent. But I had more than enough that night and hence I got down from the bus. Not all stories have happy endings

-Chronicwriter