Wednesday, November 26, 2008

270. I hate to say this...

Farewells!!! I hate them... I cried when school ended.. I had tears in my eyes when college life came to a halt and now I don't cry anymore. I have a numb feeling today

I am entering a different phase in my life. Am I going to wander in forests to understand myself? Am I entering the African Jungles? Why this sudden decision? Self actualisation?Lots of questions with a few answers... I won't leave for ever... I will be back in a year or two

I am not gonna quit writing. My pen and paper will accompany me.I recorded this song for my readers.John Denver should forgive me.

Hope you enjoyed the song.

The girl in the picture has promised that she would wear her tops, only when i return.. Should I come back soon?


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

269. How to fall in love?

For Men
How to make a girl fall in love with you!!!

1) Sing for her

2)Cook for her

3)Dance for her

4)Play the guitar for her

5)Write poetry for her

6)Take her for long drives

7)Pamper her

8)Whisper sweet nothings into her ear

9) Give her flowers

10) Treat her like a princess

For Women
How to make a Man fall in love with you!!!

Just smile at him

Game Over.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

268. The yellow shirt

Note: This is another story from the Unknown-author series. Why am I coming up with such stories? I'll tell the answer soon.

The Yellow shirt
The baggy yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away.

You're not taking that old thing, are you?" Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt. "I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954!" "It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class, Mom.Thanks!"

I slipped it into my suitcase before she could object.The yellow shirt became a part of my college wardrobe. I loved it. After graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned.

The next year, I married. When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow shirt during big-belly days. I missed Mom and the rest of my family,since we were in Colorado and they were in Illinois. But that shirt helped. I smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was pregnant, 15 years earlier.

That Christmas, mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I patched one elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to Mom. When Mom wrote to thank me for her "real" gifts, she said the yellow shirt was lovely. She never mentioned it again.
The next year , my husband, daughter and I stopped at Mom and Dad's to pick up some furniture. Days later, when we uncrated the kitchen table,I noticed something yellow taped to its bottom. The shirt! And so the pattern was set.On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under Mom and Dad'smattress.

I don't know how long it took for her to find it, but almost two years passed before I discovered it under the base of our living-room floor lamp. The yellow shirt was just what I needed now while refinishing furniture. The walnut stains added character.

In 1975 my husband and I divorced. With my three children, I prepared to move back to Illinois. As I packed, a deep depression overtook me. I wondered if I could make it on my own. I wondered if I would find a job.I paged through the Bible, looking for comfort. In Ephesians, I read,"So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks, and when it is all over, you will be standing up." I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the stained yellow shirt.

Slowly, it dawned on me. Wasn't my mother's love apiece of God's armor? My courage was renewed.Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother.The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer.Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station.

A year later I discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet.Something new had been added. Embroidered in bright green across the breast pocket were the works "I BELONG TO PAT." Not to be outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an apostrophe and seven moreletters.

Now the shirt proudly proclaimed, "I BELONG TO PAT'S MOTHER."But I didn't stop there. I zigzagged all the frayed seams, then had a friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom from Arlington, VA. We enclosed an official-looking letter from "The Institute for the Destitute," announcing that she was the recipient of an award for good deeds.

I would have given anything to see Mom's face when she opened the box.But, of course, she never mentioned it. Two years later, in 1978, I remarried. The day of our wedding, Harold and I put our car in a friend's garage to avoid practical jokers. After the wedding, while my husband drove us to our honeymoon suite, I reached for a pillow in the car to rest my head. It felt lumpy. I unzipped the case and found,wrapped in wedding paper, the yellow shirt.

Inside a pocket was a note:"Read John 14: 27-29. I love you both, Mother."
The shirt was Mother's final gift. She had known for three months that she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease. Mother died the following year atage 57. I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave.

But I'm glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I played for 16 years. Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring in art. And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirtwith big pockets.

- Author Unknown

Thursday, November 20, 2008

267.Crack the nut please

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. Something I have and YOU want?
4. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it?
5. Describe me in one word.
6. What was your first impression of me?
7. Do you still think that way about me now?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. How do you see me in the future?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
13. Are you going to post this in your blog and see what I say about you?

This is the most popular tag in the blog-village.I myself commented for around 15 posts on this tag and I am now greedy for your comments.

Please crack the nut...


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

266. The empty egg

Shane was born with a twisted body and a slow mind. At the age of 12 he was still in second grade, seemingly unable to learn. His teacher, DorisMiller, often became exasperated with him. He would squirm in his seat, drool, and make grunting noises.

At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain. Most of the time, however, Shane just irritated his teacher.One day she called his parents and asked them to come in for a consultation. As the Davids entered the empty classroom, Doris said to them, "Shane really belongs in a special school. It isn't fair to him to be with younger children who don't have learning problems.

Why, there is a five year gap between his age and that of the other students."Mrs. David cried softly into a tissue, while her husband spoke. "Miss Miller," he said, "there is no school of that kind nearby. It would be a terrible shock for Shane if we had to take him out of this school. We know he really likes it here." Doris sat for a long time after they had left, staring at the snow outside the window. Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul.

She wanted to sympathize with the Davids. After all, their only child had a terminal illness. But it wasn't fair to keep him in her class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach, and Shane was a distraction. Furthermore, he would never learnto read and write. Why waste any more time trying?As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. Here I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared to that poor family, she thought. Lord, please help me to be more patient with Shane.

From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Shane's noises and his blank stares. Then one day, he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behindhim."I love you, Miss Miller," he exclaimed, loud enough for the whole classto hear. The other students snickered, and Doris' face turned red. Shestammered, "Wh-why that's very nice, Shane. N-now please take your seat."

Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a large plastic egg. "Now," she said to them, "I want you to take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life.

Do you understand?""Yes, Miss Miller," the children responded enthusiastically-all except for Shane. He listened intently; his eyes never left her face. He did not even make his usual noises. Had he understood what she had said about Jesus' death and resurrection? Did he understand the assignment?Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the project to them.

That evening, Doris' kitchen sink stopped up. She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it. After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse, and prepare a vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Shane's parents.The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller's desk.After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open the eggs.

In the first egg, Doris found a flower. "Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life," she said. "When plants peek through the ground, we know that spring is here." A small girl in the first row waved her arm. "That's my egg, Miss Miller," she called out.

The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real. Doris held it up. "We all know that a caterpillar changes and grows into a beautiful butterfly. Yes, that's new life, too." Little Judy smiled proudly and said, "Miss Miller, that one is mine."

Next, Doris found a rock with moss on it. Sheexplained that moss, too, showed life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom, "My daddy helped me," he beamed.

Then Doris opened the fourth egg. She gasped. The egg was empty. Surely it must be Shane's she thought, and of course, he did not understandher instructions. If only she had not forgotten to phone his parents. Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another.

Suddenly, Shane spoke up. "Miss Miller, aren't you going to talk about my egg?" Flustered, Doris replied, "But Shane,your egg is empty." He looked into her eyes and said softly, "Yes, but Jesus' tomb was empty, too."Time stopped.

When she could speak again, Doris asked him, "Do you know why the tomb was empty?" "Oh, yes," Shane said, "Jesus was killed andput in there. Then His Father raised Him up."The recess bell rang. While the children excitedly ran out to the school yard, Doris cried. The cold inside her melted completely away.

Three months later, Shane died. Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket, all of them empty.

-Author Unknown

Friday, November 14, 2008

265. The wonder years

I was going through my photo album.Pictures taken when I was just a one year old kid to pictures taken till last month.I have this habit of collecting pictures(hard copies) and pasting them in collage form in albums.

But the last few years, with the advent of digital photographs and high-pixel storage capacity of computers, I seldom take a printed copy anymore. But the feeling of holding a hard copy printed picture in your hand is entirely different. I am sure everyone will agree with that.

Now coming back to this post, I decided to start a tag. The rules are very simple. Go back down your memory lane by adding your childhood pictures and write some lines that correlate to the picture. Finally when you are done with it, just tag the names of those you wish to add their childhood pictures too...I am tagging everyone who reads this post
So here we go... Major incidents in my life

I am just 12 months old(1983).
  • Started using the potty with great efficiency
  • I started walking without any support
I am three years old (1985)

  • I havent spoken a word yet. I lost my tongue a year back.The stitches are still there.Would I speak?
  • I still have curly hair. I never knew that I would the curls after my tonsure that year.
  • Love life with Renu begins
I am six years old (1988)
  • Where did my tooth go?
  • I broke my own record of bed-wetting continuously for 64 nights.
  • I have 8 girls in my love life now
I am eight years old (1990)
  • My first rock concert performance got over ( Will upload the audio soon. I do not have the video of the performance)
  • Renu is still my sweetheart, with our love intensifying like a urinary tract infection
I am Sixteen (1998)
  • I just entered class 12. Renu is so beautiful now
  • It has been three years and I still speak like Usha Udhupth. Will my voice ever become normal again?
I am eighteen (2000)
  • Why do I have this ugly goatie and this leach mush? I just cut my hair short
  • I am doing my second year engineering.I have a back-paper too (Laplace Theorem -Mathematics)
I am twenty one (2003)
  • I have started walking again. I had a major operation in my leg two years back. God is gracious
  • I am out of Engineering college.
  • Renu is still in my memories
I am Twenty three (2005)
  • I am doing my MBA now
  • Renu is married
I am twenty five now (2007)
  • Two years in the software Industry as a Business Analyst
  • I am diving into the Ad field now.
  • I started my own blog this year.
I sit in front of the computer and type this...
Note:I am growing my hair again


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

264. The naked truth

62% of the people who read my previous post wanted to see me exposing myself.I was really happy. 62% of a total of 82 people who attended the poll = 52 People.The remaining 38%= 30 people

I was glad to know that many wanted me to strip for a social cause and do a Marilyn Manroe stunt. I took a closer look of the poll results. I was shocked to know that 40 out of the 52 people were Men. "Why me?", I was about to cry. But then, they say that Men don't cry! So I looked at the No column.22 out of the 30 people who did not want me to expose were women.That is when I realised that most women were possessive about me and they did not want me to expose in public.

But based on the general popular demand, I thought it was high time to shed my clothes for the great pose.I decided to buy a skirt. But as only 62% wanted me to expose, I decided to expose only 62% of my skin and hence the skirt I thought to use for my stunt was quite different from Manroe's skirt.I chose the two side slit skirt

In order to get the same effect as shown in the picture, I first waxed my feet. It was a painful experience..When I was ready, I wore my skirt and went to the soccer stadium in my town. I called a girl and asked her to take a picture of me. She started to scream when she saw me in that pose.

Police... Jeep... Arrested at Gun point... Three days in Prison... Behind Bars... That explains my absence from the Blog world for three days


Saturday, November 08, 2008

263. When the camera smiles

In the last 24 hours,I received a few phone calls from my friends.I received a few mails from anonymous people.I even received some text messages from random numbers.

All of them had only one thing to say. "Chriz ! You are using your niece and nephew to gain popularity". This made me to think.One person even went on to the extent of blaming me by saying," Hey nerdy guy! You are over exposing the kids for your fame"...

Well! I finally took a decision. I am gonna expose myself in my next post. It is not going to be an ordinary exposure. This exposure of mine would go down in the history books as one of the greatest ever exposures of all time. For the first time in the History of mankind, a Man is going to perform a Marilyn Monroe posture for a photo shoot.
I can't do it alone. I need your support. If you feel that I should expose myself please say Yes to the poll here. I will expose only with your permission. Any tips on posing can also be given in the comments section.


Friday, November 07, 2008

262. Commando Training

"War: that mad game the world so loves to play."
- Jonathan Swift
As a kid, I wanted to become a secret agent.I had the secret agent spirit running in my blood.When I was in Kindergarden I was in love with three girls at the same time (that included my kindergarden teacher too). I kept it as a secret and all three never came to know about the love I had for them.

Once when I was in class three, my childhood nemesis "Shabir" punched my friend Rahul on his nose.That act angered me.
I clenched my fists.
Blood boiled inside my tummy.
I wanted to punch Shabir and make him say"Oh mummy".
I frowned at him with anger. My eye's turned red with fury. Shabir was seeing a different me that day.
Shabir immediately landed another punch on Rahul's face and that made me to calm down. Thats when I realised that I had the power to control my anger.
As I look back I realise that I did not become a secret agent nor a Rogue. "Did I lose anything? ", I was thinking to myself and my phone rang.
It was Jeremy"My nephew"
Me: Hi baby. howdie?
Jer: Hello mama! I am fine. I want to tell you something
Me: What is it?
Jer:Me and Jolena have become celebrities in school after we ssaved the country by breaking the purple red or yellow code
Me: Thats really good.
Jer: But Some senior students from class one are jealous about my achievement
Me: Why are they jealous
Jer:Because they could not tolerate a junior ( A kindergarten boy) achieving this victory
Me: So What are you gonna do?
Jer: Two of my seniors have challenged me to fight with me
Me: Two guys against one? Thats unfair
Jer: No! It is two against two. Jolena will be my tag team partner
Me: But she can only bite. Can she fight?
Jer: I am teaching her some tricks and she is sure learning fast
Me: Is it? What tricks?
Jer: The monkey one eye pinch, the high pitch scream, the frog jump, The tiger attack head roll...
Me: The tiger attack head roll? Thats a pretty dangerous stunt! Are you teaching Jolena that stunt too?
Jer: Yes. I am teaching her. She is learning it too. But she has not got the secret behind the trick yet.
Me: What is the secret?
Jer: First we have to jump and land on our heads
Me: Oh. Is it?
Jer: Yes and then we have to balance on our head and raise our legs and do a somersault
Me: That sounds really thrilling. Is it Safe for Jolena to do it?
Jer: As a big brother, I know what is safe for my sister! She does all the steps perfectly. She runs, lands on the head. But instead of lifting the legs, she is lifting the hands.
Me: Thats sad
Jer: But She has the spirit in her. She would do that. Check this video mama. Let me get back to some training.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

261.The fight for the chair

The 1994 world cup soccer finals between Brazil and Italy ended in a Goal-less draw. I was watching that match in Doordarshan on TV. Just when I thought that the world cup would be shared by both Brazil and Italy, I saw the match taking a new turn with the penatly shootout. Brazil eventually won when Roberto Baggio ballooned his kick over the bar.

I understood that big prizes are not for sharing and there is only one winner in most cases.

Most of us would remember that kindergarden story about a monkey dividing a cake for two cats. The cats ended up as just mere spectators and the monkey ate the full cake.

The reason why I stated these two examples is just to explain the fact that When two people achieve something great, they should not be given a single Prize and asked to share it between them. this is What happened to Jeremy and Jolena.

  1. Jeremy and Jolena saved our country HERE.
  2. The Prime minister of the country praised their efforts and presented them with His Royal Chair HERE.

But Why did he just present one Chair?

He should have presented two chairs for the kids. Jeremy and Jolena ended up having a heated conversation in deciding who is eligible for sitting in the chair.See the deadly debate here.


Wednesday, November 05, 2008

260. The Waltz Dance

I was just yawning to glory after watching yet another movie when my phone rang. Yes it was him again. It was Bunny. Thats how I call him. For those who are wondering who Bunny is, Please check this. Yes he is the Prime minister of the country and he happens to be a friend of mine.

I picked up the phone and this is what happened

PM: Hey Chrissy How are you

Me: Hey bunny. I am fine . How are you

PM: I am fine. I want to thank you for the big help that your niece and nephew did for saving the country.
Me: Ok! Dont drag on. Come to the point (With lot of attitude)
PM: I just want to thank them by giving them a present.
Me:Is it? Cool!!! and what would that be?
PM: It is my Royal Throne. I am gonna present to them for their valiant effort in saving the country.
Me: Thats Good. Send it to them. Now I am getting another call from Sania Mirza. So can you please keep the phone.

He kept the phone and I went into a romantic conversation with SM. I had a great night. I am not gonna post the conversation I had with SM.

The very next day, the royal throne of the prime minister was handed over to Jeremy and Jolena. On seeing the throne, the kids were very happy and they started performing a waltz dance to show their happiness.

Check this video:

1) Check the blue colour royal throne in the video
2) Check Jolena's efforts to sit in the royal throne and also see how Jeremy tackles the situation
3)Watch the climax of the video where a powerful rock-bottom is delivered to Jolena
4)and do not forget to watch their cool waltz dance moves


Tuesday, November 04, 2008

259. Shake your Hips Baby

Jeremy (my nephew) and Jolena(my niece) have been selected by the IDC (Intenational Dubakoor Council) to perform a dance at the US-President swEAring in ceremony.

The kids are practising hard and they are gonna put up a great performance. A very rare video (40 seconds) of their practise session is captured here. Check it out.


Monday, November 03, 2008

258. I cannot come to the banquet

A Rich man once gave a big banquet, and invited many people; and at the time for the banquet he sent his servant to say to those who had been invited, ‘Come; The banquet is now ready.’ But they all alike began to make excuses.

Then the householder in anger said to his servant, ‘Go out quickly to the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in the poor ,mute, blind and lame.’ And the servant said, ‘Sir, what you commanded has been done, and still there is room.’ And the master said to the servant, ‘Go out to the highways and hedges, and compel people to come in, that my house may be filled. For I tell you, none of those men who were invited shall taste my banquet.’
- Taken from the Gospel of Luke.

We are living in a world full of sin, hatred,lust and Greed. It is very difficult for us to be pure in such a world filled with all forms of vices. Falling for the vices is very easy. But staying away from it , indeed needs great mental strength and faith in oneself as well as faith in God.Every good deed has its final virtue. A Good man always finds his Peace.Let us keep ourselves clean

MICHTAM ( A christian Gospel group- It includes the author of the blog, His mom, His sister and her hubby) presents the song

"I cannot come to the Banquet".

The lyrics of the song is added here
1)A certain man held a feast on his fine estate in town.
He laid a festive table and wore a wedding gown.
He sent invitations to his neighbours far and wide
but when the meal was ready, each of them replied:

I cannot come to the banquet, I cannot come to the banquet,don't trouble me now.I have married a wife; I have bought me a cow.I have fields and commitments that cost a pretty sum.Pray, hold me excused, I cannot come.

2)The master rose up in anger, called his servant by name,said:
"Go into the town, fetch the blind and the lame,
fetch the peasant and the pauper, for this I have willed,
my banquet seem so crowded, and my table must be filled.

3)When all the poor had assembled, there was still room to spare,
so the master demanded: "Go search every where,
to the highways and the byways and force them to come in.
My table must be filled before the banquet can begin.

4)Now God has written a lesson for the rest of the mankind;
If we're slow a responding, he may leave us behind.
He's preparing a banquet for that great and glorious day
when the Lord and Master calls us, be certain not to say:


Sunday, November 02, 2008

257. Beer Talk

I have three bottles of Beer in front of me as I type this post. I usually finish a bottle of beer in three big gulps.The lack of constant touch has made me think that I have lost my great form in Gulping Beer.

Well, today is gonna be the day. I am gonna prove all my critics wrong. I am gonna prove that my beer gulping abilities are stronger than what it used to be..

I open the first beer bottle.

Beer bottle:One, Gulp:1
The first sip is always not so good. It is just the initial sip which wets the tongue and clears the vacuum space inside the stomach.I feel rejuvenated now . The drink tastes like ginger mixed with Hot water and vinegar.I feel strong and I am pretty sure that this post is gonna be a great one

Beer bottle:One, Gulp:2
The second sip was very soothing. My throat had a cool effect. I can feel my kidneys jumping in excitement. My bladder is getting filled up. Ok I am overjoyed with the beer drinking experience that I forgot to type what I had intended to type. Let me take the third and final gulp from the first bottle

Beer bottle:One, Gulp:3
This gulp just made me sit straight. Never knew that a bottle of beer would make me active.The bottle is empty, but my bladder is full now. Newton was right.Energy can be transformed from one container to another. Wasn't it the law of conservation of energy? Did Newton come up with that finding? Whatever... It is time to open the second bottle.

Beer bottle:Two,Gulp:1

Man! I know that My capacity is great. A super strong beer and a super strong blogger. What a combination!!! By the way, My bladder is gonna overflow.
Be Right Back
Oooooh! That was heaven. But now my tummy is so empty.I need another gulp before I type today's post.

Beer bottle:Two, Gulp:2
It feels like a fresh new start. A new beginning. Am I smiling now? Does that mean I am happy? When I am happy, I always come up with great posts. Wow! I just love this feeling.

Beer bottle:Two, Gulp:3
So soon. Two bottles over.Am the new drinking champion? **Burp**
Where did that come from? It was totally not intentional. So please excuse me. ** Burp**. Again! I need one more gulp to stop this burping thingie

Beer bottle:Three, Gulp:1
This gulp should stop the burping effect. But Is my bladder full again? Man I need to go to the loo. I could experience goosebumps under my feet. Am I ok? Yes I am pretty alright. I can walk straight and I am straight too

Beer pottle:Three, Pulp:2
Why am I sitting on the floor? Am I smelling Bad? Where is the computer monitor? I can only see the keyboard.I need to frink the last gulp

Dear throttle: Free, Hulk: hehehe
Whoa! Did I throw Up? The beer is not good. French Nurse ate a butterfly. I am driving a big blue car. I can jump like a kangaroo. Scoobydoobydoo. I can't see broperlee.


Saturday, November 01, 2008

256. Advantage -Online chatting

Remember those days? Those chat days!!! Internet-Chatting is indeed fun. I still remember those days. Days I used to chat hours together.Those were great ol' fun days.
I remember the chat-abbrevations used as a part of the conversation. ASL,LOL,ROTFL,ASL. These four abbrevations are gonna be the topic for this post.
It was very easy to use this abbrevation while chatting-on-line. It is not the same case when we try doing it face-to-face.

Have you ever tried asing the age/sex and location of a complete stranger on the road? If you have tried doing so, please comment about the repercussions on such occassions.
I was an over extensive user of this particular abbrevation. I pre/post-fix LOL to every sentence that I type when I chat online.

But on the contrary, Can we do it in real life situation. Imagine that we are travelling in a train. Suddenly we burst out laughing. What would be our situation after that?
This is a hyper version of the previous type. Roll-On-The-Floor-Laughing. I just tried a little demo of the same in the drawing room. My mom and Dad are giving me a very dirty look now.

I could atleast digest and understand the previous three words, but this one is a ripper. How could I Laugh-My-Ass-Out? Is it literally possible? Don't they simply call it farting?

Readers can also share some other Chat -abbrevations that are funny and creepy when actually practised.