When I was 17, I started dating Steffi. She was a lovely girl.She had straight hair. She stood 5 feet 2 and she had lovely legs. Now stop dreaming about Steffi. Before Steffi came into my life, I had a maddening passion for baked beans.I loved them but unfortunately they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on me. Then one day I met Steffi and fell in Love. When it became apparent that we would be dating,I thought to myself, " She is so sweet and caring, she would never stand my post-baked bean reactions." So I made the supreme sacrifice, and gave up the beans.

Some months later, my 18th birthday came. I called up Steffi to treat her in a Restaurant. But she had other ideas. She told me that her parents had gone out of station and that she was all alone at her house and she wanted to treat me specially on my 18th birthday.I was very happy. I put on my best pair of clothing and started walking towards her home. On the way I passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than I could stand. Since I still had miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached her home.

So, I stopped at the diner and before I knew it,I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home I putt-putted. And upon arriving at her home I felt reasonably sure I could control it. Steffi seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the table. I sat down and just as she was about to remove the blindfold from me, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned.


She then went to answer the phone. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while Steffi was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. I took the hand kerchief and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, I shifted my weight to the other leg and ripped three more, which reminded me of cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I fanned the air a few more times with the Hanky, placed it on my lap and folded my hands upon it, smiling contentedly to myself. I was the picture of innocence when Steffi returned, apologizing for taking so long, she asked me if I peeked, and I assured her that I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and I was surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish me "Happy Birthday"!!! All twelve were girls.

-Chronicwriter