Thursday, November 29, 2007

89.Suzanne's movie project - Part 1

Wednesdays usually last longer than the usual days. Yesterday I was almost dozing off in office when a colleague of mine;Suzanne, messaged me through the intra-office chat facility.BTW, Suzanne is one of my salsa partners. This post is pretty long. The reader should have the patience of a turtle to read this one.

Suzanne/IBS (4.22) Hi Chriz, Have work?
Chriz/IBS (4.23) Not that busy
Suzanne/IBS (4:24 PM) me neither.
Suzanne/IBS (4:24 PM) im feeling sleepy
Chriz/IBS (4:25 PM) tell a story then
Suzanne/IBS (4:25 PM) hmmm
Suzanne/IBS (4:26 PM) which one do u want
Chriz/IBS (4:26 PM) the chicken crossing the road story
Suzanne/IBS (4:27 PM) once there was a chicken who loved crossing the roads
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) she loved crossing the road every now and then
Chriz/IBS (4:28 PM) ok
Chriz/IBS (4:28 PM) it was a she chicken?
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) and her dream was to cross a highway at heavy traffic
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) yea she chicken
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) buckbuck buckaeeekk
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) she chicken
Chriz/IBS (4:28 PM) did she have siblings?
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:28 PM) a step sister
Chriz/IBS (4:28 PM) a sister who stood on a step higher than her?
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) yea
Chriz/IBS (4:29 PM) or did her sister have step hair cut?
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) her passed away when she was very young
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) her dad
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) passed away
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) nope her sister had looong hair
Chriz/IBS (4:29 PM) oh ok
Suzanne/IBS (4:29 PM) so as i was saying
Suzanne/IBS (4:30 PM) she wanted 2 cross the road
Chriz/IBS (4:30 PM) then how did she have a step sister ?
Chriz/IBS (4:30 PM) her dad passed away na?
Chriz/IBS (4:30 PM) her mom married again?
Suzanne/IBS (4:30 PM) b4 her dad passed away
Suzanne/IBS (4:30 PM) no
Suzanne/IBS (4:30 PM) her mom died due 2 childbirth
Chriz/IBS (4:30 PM) whats the name of of our chicken?
Suzanne/IBS (4:31 PM) HENrietta
Suzanne/IBS (4:31 PM) She's a french chicken
Chriz/IBS (4:31 PM) now this is getting better
Chriz/IBS (4:31 PM) what was her color?
Chriz/IBS (4:31 PM) the usual yellow?
Suzanne/IBS (4:32 PM) nope she was a dark red
Suzanne/IBS (4:32 PM) brown chicken
Chriz/IBS (4:32 PM) after she was roasted?
Chriz/IBS (4:32 PM) or when she was alive?
Suzanne/IBS (4:32 PM) no b4 she was roasted
Suzanne/IBS (4:32 PM) she had brown feathers
Chriz/IBS (4:32 PM) ok continue
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) yea so she always wanted 2 cross the road
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) So our Henrietta one day was talking 2 her half Spanish step sister
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) about her dream of crossing the highway
Chriz/IBS (4:33 PM) her step mom is spanish?
Suzanne/IBS (4:33 PM) and her sister was shocked
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) well duh
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) her step mom is spanish
Chriz/IBS (4:34 PM) her sister got electrocuted?
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) nooo
Chriz/IBS (4:34 PM) why did she get a shock?
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) surprised
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) and she was why of all the things do u have such a dream
Suzanne/IBS (4:34 PM) she scolded her
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) u r supposed 2 live and lay eggs like all the other chickens
Chriz/IBS (4:35 PM) did henreita have a guy?
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) but Henrietta said
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) I want 2 b a different chicken
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) nope
Chriz/IBS (4:35 PM) so was she a nun?
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) it's H-E-N-R-I-E-T-T-A
Suzanne/IBS (4:35 PM) spell it rite
Chriz/IBS (4:36 PM) henrietta
Chriz/IBS (4:36 PM) yup pardon me
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) and no she was a feminist kind of a person
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) so not interested in cocks
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) or guys dominating her world
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) :-)
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) yea
Chriz/IBS (4:36 PM) ;-) ?
Suzanne/IBS (4:36 PM) that's what i call a smart chicken
Chriz/IBS (4:36 PM) ok...
Suzanne/IBS (4:37 PM) and her sister was like 'Don't even think abt it... Don't let Mama hear u speak like this or she'll slap u silly'
Suzanne/IBS (4:37 PM) Henrietta felt sad
Chriz/IBS (4:38 PM) mama was dead na
Chriz/IBS (4:38 PM) her spanish mama?
Suzanne/IBS (4:38 PM) but she silently thought i dont need them 2 make me achieve my dream
Suzanne/IBS (4:38 PM) her spanish mama is alive
Suzanne/IBS (4:38 PM) i said her mama is spanish not was spanish
Suzanne/IBS (4:38 PM) pay attention 2 teh story
Suzanne/IBS (4:39 PM) ill tell it only once
Suzanne/IBS (4:39 PM) :-)
Chriz/IBS (4:39 PM) paying
Chriz/IBS (4:39 PM) her french mama died
Suzanne/IBS (4:39 PM) yea
Chriz/IBS (4:39 PM) was she papa's pet daughter?
Suzanne/IBS (4:39 PM) but spanish step mama very much alive
Suzanne/IBS (4:40 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:40 PM) b4 he died
Chriz/IBS (4:40 PM) he is also dead?
Suzanne/IBS (4:40 PM) when she was small he used 2 make her sit on his lap
Suzanne/IBS (4:40 PM) and tell abt his yound days of crossing the road
Suzanne/IBS (4:40 PM) when cars used 2 honk and pass him
Suzanne/IBS (4:40 PM) his close calls with death
Suzanne/IBS (4:41 PM) and he died tragically in a road accident
Chriz/IBS (4:41 PM) he told about his death also?
Chriz/IBS (4:41 PM) so he was a prophet dad?
Suzanne/IBS (4:41 PM) nooo
Suzanne/IBS (4:41 PM) that part im telling
Suzanne/IBS (4:42 PM) he only told abt his close calls
Chriz/IBS (4:42 PM) oh ok
Suzanne/IBS (4:42 PM) so in short she by seeing this dream come true she was in short making her dad's dream a reality
Chriz/IBS (4:43 PM) her dad was like ambani?
Suzanne/IBS (4:43 PM) nope
Suzanne/IBS (4:43 PM) he was a middle class French cock
Suzanne/IBS (4:44 PM) So, Henrietta kept on dreaming
Chriz/IBS (4:44 PM) day dream?
Suzanne/IBS (4:44 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:44 PM) of crossing the highway
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) and one fine morning
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) when she was walking by the highway
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) she thought why not
Chriz/IBS (4:45 PM) why not what?
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) so summoning all the courage
Chriz/IBS (4:45 PM) her own courage?
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) why not cross the HIGHWAY
Suzanne/IBS (4:45 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) she walked 2 the side of the highway
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) and waited
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) and observed
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) she concentrated
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) and tried 2 decide when 2 make a move
Suzanne/IBS (4:46 PM) and then
Chriz/IBS (4:46 PM) was that a dream again?
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) she put her first step onto the highway
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) nope
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) we r nearing intermission time
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) if u wud pls
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) i cud continue
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) she put her first step onto the highway
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) and then the 2nd
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) she felt so amazed
Chriz/IBS (4:47 PM) ok
Suzanne/IBS (4:47 PM) she had started on her dream!!!
Suzanne/IBS (4:48 PM) she walked 2 more steps
Suzanne/IBS (4:48 PM) but then she saw a car move 2 her way
Suzanne/IBS (4:48 PM) she flapped her wings in horror
Suzanne/IBS (4:48 PM) zzzzzzzzzzzooom
Suzanne/IBS (4:48 PM) missed her
Chriz/IBS (4:48 PM) cha
Chriz/IBS (4:48 PM) who was driving the car?
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) and she move d left trying 2 dart the next one
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) and the next
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) and finally it became a struggle
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) then she closed her eyes and ran back 2 where she started
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) she didnt cross the road
Suzanne/IBS (4:49 PM) she was upset
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) sad
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) she cried
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) she cudnt control herself
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) 'Hey Missy' she heard a voice
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) she looked up
Suzanne/IBS (4:50 PM) and saw a rooster
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) 'Y were u trying 2 get urself killed?
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) She said it's my dream
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) and then
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) he said u need training
Chriz/IBS (4:51 PM) did she cry out loud?
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) ill teach u 2 cross the road
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) :-)
Chriz/IBS (4:51 PM) i want pop corn now
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) remaining 2morrow
Chriz/IBS (4:51 PM) and coke too
Suzanne/IBS (4:51 PM) go get it
Suzanne/IBS (4:52 PM) yep
Chriz/IBS (4:52 PM) its ur movie
Chriz/IBS (4:52 PM) and you have to give me the stuff
Suzanne/IBS (4:52 PM) no
Suzanne/IBS (4:52 PM) farah khan didnt give neone popcorn for om shanti om
Chriz/IBS (4:53 PM) cos it ran in many movie halls
Chriz/IBS (4:53 PM) but this is running only in this movie hall
Suzanne/IBS (4:54 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:54 PM) but i didnt bore u
Suzanne/IBS (4:54 PM) did i?
Chriz/IBS (4:54 PM) no u did not
Suzanne/IBS (4:55 PM) gud
Chriz/IBS (4:55 PM) villain?
Chriz/IBS (4:55 PM) any?
Suzanne/IBS (4:55 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:55 PM) u have no idea
Suzanne/IBS (4:55 PM) it will b revealed at climax
Chriz/IBS (4:55 PM) coool
Chriz/IBS (4:55 PM) music director?
Suzanne/IBS (4:56 PM) mmmm
Suzanne/IBS (4:56 PM) whom do u want it 2 b
Chriz/IBS (4:56 PM) whats the director's choice?
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) ummm
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) a r rahman
Chriz/IBS (4:57 PM) but the viewer is an illaiyaraja fan
Suzanne/IBS (4:57 PM) ok
Suzanne/IBS (4:58 PM) let this b viewer's choice
Chriz/IBS (4:58 PM) and dance director?
Chriz/IBS (4:58 PM) choreo?
Suzanne/IBS (4:58 PM) u want it 2 b kalpana?(my salsa instructor)
Chriz/IBS (4:59 PM) no
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) k
Chriz/IBS (4:59 PM) she is unwanted noise
Chriz/IBS (4:59 PM) all crap girl
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) yea
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) ok
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) then vaibhavi
Chriz/IBS (4:59 PM) why dont u be the dance director?
Suzanne/IBS (4:59 PM) we'll call her
Suzanne/IBS (5:00 PM) no i dont want the dances 2 b perfect
Chriz/IBS (5:00 PM) what about Rohit for company? (Rohit has a soft corner for Suzanne)
Chriz/IBS (5:01 PM) we even have a crying scene in the movie
Suzanne/IBS (5:01 PM) he is the villain's long lost cousin brother
Suzanne/IBS (5:01 PM) the villain has found him in the kumbamela
Chriz/IBS (5:01 PM) hahahaha
Chriz/IBS (5:02 PM) this transcript is saved my dear
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) i dont care
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) even im saving it
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) i liked my story
Suzanne/IBS (5:02 PM) :-)
Chriz/IBS (5:02 PM) hehe
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) cool one
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) can i publish in my blog?
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) wait till u hear the whole thing
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) yea if u think so
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) but no perverted stuff in it
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) its worth it
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) this is gonna be published as it is.
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) Henrietta will not dance for mehbooba mehbooba
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) no frills attached.
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) k
Chriz/IBS (5:03 PM) now you are giving me ideas
Suzanne/IBS (5:03 PM) noooo
Chriz/IBS (5:04 PM) am innocent
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) my Henrietta is a chicken with only one goal in mind
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) cross the highway
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) neway my sleep is gone
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) thanx
Chriz/IBS (5:04 PM) too many ideas now.......
Suzanne/IBS (5:04 PM) stop
Chriz/IBS (5:04 PM) u r welkum... now kaum kar... teek saarey paanch bajey hogaiyae ab.. me leaving
Chriz/IBS (5:05 PM) bubye

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

88 Action packed 18th birthday

When I was 17, I started dating Steffi. She was a lovely girl.She had straight hair. She stood 5 feet 2 and she had lovely legs. Now stop dreaming about Steffi. Before Steffi came into my life, I had a maddening passion for baked beans.I loved them but unfortunately they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on me. Then one day I met Steffi and fell in Love. When it became apparent that we would be dating,I thought to myself, " She is so sweet and caring, she would never stand my post-baked bean reactions." So I made the supreme sacrifice, and gave up the beans.

Some months later, my 18th birthday came. I called up Steffi to treat her in a Restaurant. But she had other ideas. She told me that her parents had gone out of station and that she was all alone at her house and she wanted to treat me specially on my 18th birthday.I was very happy. I put on my best pair of clothing and started walking towards her home. On the way I passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than I could stand. Since I still had miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached her home.

So, I stopped at the diner and before I knew it,I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home I putt-putted. And upon arriving at her home I felt reasonably sure I could control it. Steffi seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the table. I sat down and just as she was about to remove the blindfold from me, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned.

She then went to answer the phone. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while Steffi was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. I took the hand kerchief and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, I shifted my weight to the other leg and ripped three more, which reminded me of cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I fanned the air a few more times with the Hanky, placed it on my lap and folded my hands upon it, smiling contentedly to myself. I was the picture of innocence when Steffi returned, apologizing for taking so long, she asked me if I peeked, and I assured her that I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and I was surprised!! There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish me "Happy Birthday"!!! All twelve were girls.


Monday, November 26, 2007

87. I want a G-string

For those who started reading this post after getting a little curious with the Blog title,I would assure you that this post is not gonna feed your perverted thoughts.

I have a spanish nylon acoustic guitar.As it is the christmas season, I started strumming it to keep myself going with the festive season performances. Unfortunately, during one of the practise sessions, the third string of the guitar succumbed to my not-so-gentle strumming. With only few days left for the stage performance, I desperately needed the string replaced.

Now a little bit of information about the physical attributes of the guitar. The common acoustic guitar has six strings. Each string has a name of its own. They get the different names from the different notes they produce. The six strings have the names E,B,G,D,A,E respectively.

The third string,"G" was not found in any of the musical shops. It is really hard to find replacement for nylon strings at my place.After one whole day of hunting for the third string, I was still unsuccessul. Finally I thought of calling up a shop in Chennai and place an order for the third string. I soon got the number of the shop and dialled the number.A lovely voice answered my call with the most sweetest Hello, I heard in my whole life. I said," Can I have a G-string?". She banged the telephone. I called her again and asked the same question again in an even more gentle tone. She threatened me that she would call the cops if I called again. I am so dejected now.

Can anyone give me a G-string?


Sunday, November 25, 2007

86. Revelational Raagaa

Thats my latest band. We are a band of six guys. We play Rock and Roll genre fused with Indi Raagaa. Our plan for the month is to carol the churches in the southern most part of the country with our music.Our first performance will be staged at the church where I worship.

Venue: NesamonyNagar Church
Time: December-2-2007 (6.30 pm onwards)
Song : "Look Down"

Revelational Raagaa

Thomas : Bass/Rythm strings and Vocal accomplice
Franklin : Keys
Vivek : Tabla
Navin : Flute
Sam: Rythm Pads
Chriz: Vocals and Lead strings

Photos and videos will be added after the performance. Folks from Nagercoil can come to the church and be a part of the united carol service.Glory, Honour and Praise be to God alone.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

85.I am not straight!

Disclaimer: Those who are very sure about their orientations can continue reading this post.

Bill clinton who once was the first guy of US of A was caught by the STARR report for his biological experiments. He managed to keep it a secret for eight years.But thanks to Monica , his experimental results were published throughout the world .. Today Bill Clinton ,even as I write must be thinking, hoping he hadn't cheated. Not his fault. Cheating on wives / girlfriends comes naturally to me(n).

I was introduced to the concept of cheating at a very young age. I think I was only 14 years of age, when I found out that both my girl friends were cheating on me. They infact knew each other pretty well. But they never revealed to me about their friendship. Terror struck me on that fateful day when I happened to meet them both at the same shop where I was spending my solemn evening with a friend of mine. I made a vow not to fall in love ever again in my life. But satan is very cunning. He knows the exact tricks that would make me fall for his gambits.

I fell in love again when I was in class ten. I was 15 years of age. Martina was her name. She had studied in the U.S till class nine .She came down to India to continue her studies.She hated me for the sole reason that I was very innocent in school. The innocence in me was very evident from the kind of doubts that I tried to clarify with my Biology teacher. Most of the time, the teacher ended up blushing at my doubts. Seldom did she answer my innocent doubts.I thought that she was ignorant. So considering the fact that Martina specialised in Biology in her high school, I thought that she would be the right person to answer my doubt.The biggest doubt,that I had then was the exact meaning of the term Lesbian. So one fine afternoon I approached Martina to clear my doubts. She was one of the most brilliant students in my class. I went and sat near her and this is how our conversation went

Me: Hi Martina. I have a doubt
She: Yes Chrissy boy. Ask your doubt
Me: Who is a lesbian?
She: A lesbian is someone who is interested in girls.
Me: Then, Am I a lesbian?
She: Why do you think so?
Me: Because I am interested in girls.
She: No. You cannot be a Lesbian. You have to be a girl to become one
Me: Now what should I do? Are not there any means by which I can become a Lesbian?
She: You got it all wrong chriz. I'll explain it to you.
Me: Ok ! Martina ( The innocence was over flowing)
She: I am a Girl and I am interested in Boys. So that makes me Straight.
Me: Wow. Now You have cleared my doubt. I am not interested in Men. So that means that I am not straight. Am I right?
She: No. You are Straight.
Me: I am very clear that you do not know the meaning for the word,"lesbian".
She:Thats enuff. Now leave me alone.
Me: By the by; Did you just say that You like Guys?
She: Yes. But I do not like You.

She got up from that place and went in an angry mood. She never spoke to me after that.

BTW, the term "lesbian" sounded better than " straight". So I started calling myself a Lesbian for a very long time. Still I am very confused with the term. Are you a lesbian?


Saturday, November 17, 2007

84. Tagged again

Santosh (8 pm) tagged me.

1. Name one person who made you laugh last night?
That guy who sat right infront of me, in the movie hall. He was sitting between his two friends( a girl and a guy). His head tilted only to his right and landed on the shoulder of the girl. The guy on his left had strong shoulders. But Why did the head tilt towards his right?
2. What were you doing at 0800?
I do not drive that fast. Might be at 80 kmph. But not at 800 kmph
3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Taking a presentation for a client. I am working on a saturday. Poor me.
4. What happened to you in 2006?
I became the prime minsiter of India.
5. What was the last thing you said out loud?
My vocal decibel intensity is far higher than 15000 hertz.
6. How many beverages did you have today?
Powdered milk from coffee machine, one glass of water and ofcourse a whole bottle of litchi juice.
7. What color is your hairbrush?
I do not use a hairbrush. I use a multicolored comb.
8. What was the last thing you paid for?
I hate credit card payments.
9. Where were you last night?
Movie hall. Watching a hindi movi, Om shanthi om.
10. What color is your front door?
I always sneak in through the back door.
11. Where do you keep your change?
I do not carry coins with me. If at all I have some ten bucks with me, it will be in my jeans pocket.
12. What’s the weather like today?
I just set the air-condition temperature to 10. I am expecting my neighbour cabin guy to freeze soon.
13. What’s the best ice-cream flavor?
Any flavour goes as long as it has nuts.
14. What excites you?
I am innocent
15. Do you want to cut your hair?
No. I do not fight with natural phenomenon.
16. Are you over the age of 25?
Not a number more;Not a number less.
17. Do you talk a lot?
No. Never. I am the mostest- calmest- silentest guy ever born on earth.
18. Do you watch the O.C.?
Have watched a couple of shows.
19. Do you know anyone named Steven?
Yes. He used to sell his underwear for a living.
20. Do you make up your own words?
Yes. I do. There is no fun using the same old words again and again.
21. Are you a jealous person?
Jealousy is a sin. But I am a sinner.
22. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘A’.
Anna kournikova. Her original name is Annalatchumi. But when ever she calls me up, her name appears as Anna kournikova in my mobile phone
23. Name a friend whose name starts with the letter ‘K’.
Katrina kaif. Refer previous question and its answer. Sorry Kasthoori.
24. Who’s the first person on your received call list?
Bellybum. I am not revealing that person's original name. She reads my blogs.
25. What does the last text message you received say?
Who is this? ( Advice to my blog readers: Please refrain from giving anonymous missed calls to random numbers)
26. Do you chew on your straw?
I am still very innocent.
27. Do you have curly hair?
I curled it once. Then I straightened it, and now I have receding hairline.
28. Where’s the next place you’re going to?
29. Who’s the rudest person in your life?
Me, myself. Half the time , I do not listen to myself.
30. What was the last thing you ate?
I am eating Custard apple now. Oh my gawd. The keyboard that I am typing now is a total mess now.
31. Will you get married in the future?
I cannot get married in the past.
32. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the past 2 weeks?
Om Shanti Om.
33. Is there anyone you like right now?
My kids
34. When was the last time you did the dishes?
I am not a dish fetish
35. Are you currently depressed?
Are you some emotional comforter? If so ; Oh yea! come comfort me.
36. Did you cry today?
Is this an extension of the previous question?
37. Why did you answer and post this?
Work on a saturday. Then you would probably know.
38. Tag few people who would do this survey.
8 pm
Control Praveen
gay-3 media
India's Funniest Blogger
keshi's comments
May Flower
Nitty Vig
Priti's Research
Roger's Bass
Satyajit Ray
Sirpy's Mankeyism
Soothening Singer
The medic's diary
Violent Mahathma
Yemme's Yummy Dishes
zee talk

- Chronicwriter

Friday, November 16, 2007

83. Climax

I expect the unexpected when it comes to watching a movie. The other day I was watching this Tamil movie, Paruthi-veeran and without my knowledge I had tear drops welled up in my eyes in the end. Road to perdition was another movie which made me drop my jaw for a while for its strong philosophical lines. User discretion and excretion is necessary while reading the following line. Climax indeed plays a vital role in movies.

I still remember the first movie I saw in a movie hall. It was The Ten Commandments. It was released in a Rated movie hall (Rajam Picture palace) in my town because English movies were not released in any other movie halls. I remember Moses ruling the roost in the movie. Instantly he became my super hero at that time overtaking street hawk, Poi’rot, Superman and even He-man. I was in class two then. My interest for movies developed with time and soon I started acting and directing my own movies in my dreams.

My second movie in a movie hall made me biologically revolutionize my own pants in the movie hall. I was in class six then. The movie was Jurassic park. The dinosaurs often reminded me of my school principal. Many a days I had sleepless nights which resulted in my bed getting wet every morning. My folks never bought my story that I sweated lot because of the hot climate.

Those were the only two movies I saw in my entire school life in a movie hall. Being the innocent guy who never knew the process involved in bunking classes, I missed out on a lot of extra curricular activities then. Soon I was in college and I never missed a movie in the movie halls in Pondicherry. I painted each and every single movie hall in the state. The innocence zoomed to new heights that I never bunked even a single movie.

Now let me come to the reason behind this post. Last night, my old college-mate called me up and told me that he is in Trivandrum. His voice has changed big time. Then he had a screechy Britney spears voice. Now he speaks like Usha Udhupth. I still doubt his orientations. He also told me that he is waiting to watch a Hindi movie with me (He doesn’t understand Hindi. What ever I translate is Hindi for him). Once I translated the whole Hindi movie, Dil Chahta Hai for him. Later I came to know from an online-movie-review that Dimple Kapadia was not Akshay’s mother in that movie. Even today he believes each and every single line that I translated for him.

But I won’t forget the help that he offered me when we watched the movie, Sixth Sense together. That fateful day we bought the tickets for the movie and as soon as we sat in our respective places, he came close to me and said, “Bruce Willis is the Ghost in this movie”. I never had a chance to take revenge on him. But last night when he called me, he asked whether I could accompany him for the movie, Om Shanthi Om. He wanted me to translate the movie. Tonight is going to be fun. Every Dog indeed has its BIG day.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

82. Sky watching

Last night,Me and my friend were looking into the dark sky. A few stars were twinkling weakly as clouds covered them only to announce the arrival of a drizzle. It was nine o clock in the evening, we were at our balcony,Chriz and Andy,two souls trying to deduce the mystery behind the cosmos.We could see the moon wandering companionless, everchanging, vaxing & receding.
Suddenly he pointed out his finger & said to me "Chrissy , look there do u see a star.
Me-Which one?
Andy-The bright one , over there
Me -What about it?
Andy-Shhhh! man , look carefully.

I strained my eyes..I could still hear the sound of the bikes zooming across the road& I also tasted dust in my lips.Without removing his pointed index finger he said "See that planet & see that house , yes over there.If you look clearly you can see two people sitting in their balcony and see, they are pointing their fingers at us & telling "See those two idiots pointing their fingers at us."

I thought about it for the next two hours..... The more I think about it now, the more I want to gaze at the sky . I am Waiting for tonight


Monday, November 12, 2007

81. I am Superstitious

I am superstitious...
I never believed in superstitions, fortunes,black magic, vOOdoo, witchcraft. But last week's incident has changed my take on the whole issue...

Last week's Issue

November 3rd 2007:21:30 hrs - I had beef fry and beef sausage for dinner.

November 4th 2007:04:00 hrs - first call from nature.

November 4th 2007:05:30 hrs - second call from nature.

November 4th 2007:06:00 hrs - third call from nature.

November 4th 2007:06:39 hrs - I logged on to orkut. Orkut provides with a daily fortune service. My daily fortune for the day was, " You will prosper in what ever you do,today"




And I really prospered that day. I am glad that I did not have to prosper for one whole week.

I am superstitious now.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

80. Sweet Diwali Memories

Diwali is an Indian Festival. I am not going to detail on the history of the evolution of Diwali. You can use Wikipedia or any other search engine for that matter. This post is about the most unforgettable Diwali I had in my life. Rather than narrating the incident in a prose format, I would like to present this story in an Incidential format. For those who do not know what an Incidential format is all about, do not panic; because even I am going to know about it only after this post is drafted.

In the year 1999, I was a fresher in an engineering college. Fate played its part in me being dumped with a Branch of engineering called "EIE". Apparently late in the summer of 2004, I realized that EIE was actually an acronym for "Electronics and Instrumentation Engineering”. Soon after I joined engineering, I came to realize that I was selected as the captain of the team that was going to participate in a month long sport event. My batch mates later told me that the name of the sport was "Ragging". As days went by, I realized that being the captain was not an easy joke. The seniors in college really liked me so much as I showed enthusiasm in participating in the sport.

Soon I was hanging out with the seniors in college more than hanging out with my own batch mates.Soon Diwali came. It was time to celebrate. Me and my seniors devised some plans to celebrate Diwali in a big way. We jotted down some points and finally decided to execute three major points.
1) Find one girlfriend each before Diwali
2) Getting into the good books of our professors &
3) Surprise the hostel warden by lighting crackers in his room.

We had only one more week left for executing these three decisions that we made that night. I wanted to carry out one plan at a time. So I set out on a mission to find a girlfriend.I thought of using the advancement of technology to find a girlfriend for myself. I was new to the internet world. I started a yahoo messenger id. To make it really appealing, I registered myself with a name
“Iamtheguyurdadwarneduabout”. As a first pitch attempt, I tried to search for a girl friend in one of the Chat rooms. I came across a chat room named Romance. It had sub-chat rooms, viz- adult, teenage, bicurious and gay. I misinterpreted the word “gay” for happiness and me being a very happy guy, I entered that chat room. I started my chat session with “Icanmakeyouhappy”

Iamtheguyurdadwarneduabout: Hi, Are you free to chat with me?
Icanmakeyouhappy: ASL please
Iamtheguyurdadwarneduabout: ?
Icanmakeyouhappy: Are you a male or a female?
Iamtheguyurdadwarneduabout: Male
Icanmakeyouhappy: @#$K off. You @$$ #0!*

She must have been really sad, I thought to myself. Soon I realized that it was not easy to chat in the chat room. So I started a new id “ Shilpasweetgirlchennai”

Shilpasweetgirlchennai: Hi. Care to be my friend
Priya24us: Hi ASL?
Shilpasweetgirlchennai: 19/F/Chennai (By this time I figured out that ASL stands for age, sex and location)
Priya24us: That is great. I am 24/M/Chennai
Shilpasweetgirlchennai: oh. I am male too
Priya24us: @@##$ $%## up your @$$

I never visited chat rooms again.

Even after five days of hard work, I did not have a girlfriend. So I decided to fulfill the second and third decision made by me and my seniors. I thought of impressing my electronics professor who happened to be the wife of the HOD of Computer Science department. I did not know that she was his wife.

Me: good morning ma’m
She: Good morning Chriz
Me: Ma’m you look awkward in this saree (I actually meant awesome)
She: What do you want? (She was fuming with anger)
Me: Sorry ma’m. I did not mean to say that. I just wanted to get into your good books
She: All you have to do is study well, be obedient in class and stop asking stupid questions in class
Me: Ok ma’m. I will do that. By the way, Do you have any kids ma’m?
She: Yes. I have two kids
Me: What are they doing ma’m?
She: The elder one is in class two and the little one is attending a crèche.
Me: Cool ma’m. I love kids. By the way, Are you married ma’m?
She: Get lost. You fit for nothing,scoundrel.

She mistook my innocent mind for a scoundrel. I left that place with a saddened heart. Considering the twin failures that I had with the first two decisions that I made with my seniors, I wanted to fulfill at least the last one.

I bought some crackers and proceeded to the warden’s room. The warden went for his usual rounds. So I sneaked into his room and placed some crackers under his bed and tied the end to an ignition powdered rope. The plan was well drafted and the rope was well concealed behind the wall paper and the end of the rope finally landed outside his window. I had earlier planned to light the rope after warden goes to sleep. But before I could get out of the room, I heard footsteps outside the room and I knew that it was the warden coming back to his room. I did not have a way out. I finally ran and hid myself under his bed. All my friends had a wonderful Diwali night with their new found girl friends and they also found their way into the good books of the professors.I spent the night under the wardens bed. I learnt that it was not easy to sleep on the floor, under the warden’s bed without creating any sound that too after catching a glimpse of the warden’s royal posterior when he changed his clothes while slipping into his night dress.


Tuesday, November 06, 2007

79. When the Subject line fails

We get mails everyday in this fast paced e-life. I am no exception for the fact that I receive almost 300 mails everyday. 90% of the mails are spam. I delete them without going through the mails. But last week, I thought of going through some of the mails befor I trashed them. I am yet to come out of the shock.I learnt the lesson not to go by the Subject line. I am adding a few subject lines which corrupted my innocent mind in the recent past.Click on each subject line to get a clear picture.

After reading this subject line, the innocent mind in me did not comprehend who SHE was... I opened this mail to find who she might be. I was shocked to see her in a very pathetic condition.Her name was Sylvia. My heart cried for her because she did not have any clothes to wear. Apparently a lady colleague of mine who happened to cross my cubicle when I was sympathising for the poor girl,is not talking to me anymore.

I should have guessed it right before opening this mail. But I did not. It was an automated spam mail which when opened will spring up mails to my inbox at regular intervals. I want to kill this Fabian Davis.

When my Boss told me that my performance has improved big time at the work place, I felt so happy and as a result I was seen charged up during my presentations and demos. But when I received this mail from Angel, I was eager to super charge my performance. Opening the mail enlightened me. The word performance has multiple meanings.

Some people never learn from mistakes. I am one among them.

Right from my School days, I was found among the company of girls. My orientation worth was never in question. But when Alfredo sent me this mail, I wanted to check what he meant. I warn all you guys not to open a mail with a similar subject line. I did not have food for two days on a trot.

Why me?

BTW, I am still sad for Sylvia. She is so poor. Somebody please help her.

Monday, November 05, 2007

78 Wanna make fraansheep?

These days,Social networking sites are crowding the net space and we have no time to breathe. I get invitations from various social networking sites these days. The pathetic situation is that 90% of these friendship requests come from human beings of my gender.For all such maniacs, please give me a break. I am very clear about my orientation.
I spent the whole of 2004 in a social networking site called hi5. I made fraands and fraandhseeps with guys, girls and even eunuchs across the globe. It was fun then . But soon I got fed up with Hi5,and so in late 2005, I joined orkut. BTW, am completing two years in orkut this month and am planning to celebrate it in a big way. Just leave a congratulatory scrap in my scrap book within the next 24 hours and I will dedicate a post to the to the best scrapper. Do I sound sooo desperate?

Coming back to the topic on me getting fraansheep requests from souls of the same gender, I am just re-assuring the fact that I am very straight ( I might sit with a curved back though). I might even peep into other soul's profiles like a peeping tom. In the rarest of rare cases, I might end up scrapping a stranger too. But that does not mean that generous souls can partake with my orientations.
I just made it sure that I deleted my account from every social networking site, with orkut being the only lucky networking site where I still exist. I really do not know why I am so much addicted to Orkut. I might as well start a social networking site in the future and redefine the terms in the site. For example, orkut popularised the word " Scrap". We often use the term,"scrap" in our day to day life. I would replace the word,"scrap" with the word" kiss". It will rock the next generation for sure. I can send a message to Renus' "Kiss-Book" and proudly say to my friends that I kissed Renu. ( Innocent souls like Sajeeve,Sirpy, Jammy, Honey are requested not to start a networking site of their own. I can imagine the words that might be used by you guys.)I happened to count the social fraansheep sites that are available in the market now.

Given the rate of mass production movement in the west, east, the north and the south which has resulted in an ever-increasing population, i think we can still have another 5 million more social networking sites.Then, we can have so many friends and friendships and so many more fraands and more fraandships!! Wherever you go you have a friend. Who knows? Even Osama might find his way in your friends list.

Go to Jharkhand, you have Rabri's sister as your blind date friend;
Go to Hawaii and you have a beach babe of a friend there.
Go to Sahara desert and you have a Mummified friend there.
Go to Antartica and you have an Eskimo friend in 2nd Igloo street,3rd main Igloo colony.
Go to Somalia,Mangolia,Afganisthan and you have a friend there.
Go to the toilet and you have a friend there too.

I just got a fraand request from a total stranger, with the lines " Wanna make fraandsheep with me?" Trivia: This time , it is a girl.


Thursday, November 01, 2007

77. Hips do not lie

Onam 2004

1)My first Onam.( Onam is a festival celebrated in Kerala)
2)My first mundu experience.( Mundu is a traditional MEN's wear in Kerala. It is similar to the Indian Dhoti)
3)My first malayalam movie.
All three happened on the same day.

The day started as usual...The alarm started its daily routine of trying to wake me up at 8 am..As usual my hand had enough strength to reach for the alarm Button and calm it down...I snoozed my way back into my dirty bedsheet... The alarm rang again at 8.15 am...My hand again came out of the bedsheet and searched for the alarm clock. But I could not find it.My MBA roomie( Joseph) moved it to a place which was out of reach.

I suddenly felt a pain on my Royal Posterior. I realised that it was the powerful left leg of my roomie that just kicked the brains off my lower back.My roomie kicked me again and this time I found myself out of the bed..Still wrapped in my bedsheet.. But, before he gave me a third kick which would have resulted in the sudden stoppage of my future generation evolution, I woke up....(Joseph! I hate your left leg)..

Having full faith in my roomie( I was / is straight.. and he was/is straight too), I allowed him to tie the knot around my waist( I am referring to the mundu). It was funny for me.I had doubts whether the mundu would stand the test of time and energy.But the belt that supported the mundu, gave me enough confidence.Oh! It was a great feeling to wear a mundu and walk around.The whole day went in a gala mood.Pookalam( Flower carpet decoration on the floor), vadam pulling( Tug of war), chakki and changaran( Mr and Ms Onam).and lots of other extempore games.. I had great fun... Little did i know that the real fun was yet to come..

The day finally over and it was around three pm and I started my long walk back to the place where I stayed..(It was a long uphill road from the college).. The sun was beaming full of confidence..Suddenly my hip and the belt had a bi-lateral conflict and beforeI realised, I was walking without the mundu.. I was releived because I had a long kurta top.. I turned around and to my horror saw a bunch of senior babes walking behind me..What can i do? I closed my eyes and ran inside my room... I heard them giggle as they crossed my room and the giggles erupted into laughter when they saw me peeping out of the window... Wisdom struck me at the right time.. Our national leaders have gone through sufferings worser than this and what happened to me then was not a big deal..

So I boldly came out of the room,still in the same outfit only to find another bunch of babes walking towards me from the opposite direction. As I was a gentleman, I tried to have an eye to eye contact with them. But they were really shy. They were not looking into my eyes..Only after they went past me , it crossed my mind where exactly their gaze went to...Well as they say! great men have to go through struggles and trials.So I took it again in my stride.

That night, my friends took me out for a movie..My first malayalam movie.." perumazhai kaalam".. I did not understand a single word though.. It ended up to be a sentimental film.. Two hours went by.Still I did not understand a single line in that movie. Suddenly the whole crowd went calm.I turned to my right.Tears in my friend's eyes(Joseph)...I turned to my left . Tears again ( Jithin). I realised it was an emotional scene.I tried crying too..But tears would not just come out of my eye sockets.

So when no one around was looking, I dipped my hand into the coke bottle that Joseph was drinking from and used the dampness to wet my eyes.I tried to give a real effect to the situation by crying out louder;but accidently I ended up burping... The guy sitting in front of me turned around and started shouting Therees at me..(Therees are golden words in malayalam which evolved as a result of the Vulgar-verbal revolution that happened in the earlier part of the twentieth century).As the intensity of the therees grew louder,my friends rose up and showed that we were a big bunch indeed. Drawing inspiration from the sudden support provided by my friends, I tried to give a lecture to the Theree Guy..My friend turned towards me and warned me that he would leave me alone to be massacred by the Theree Guy, if I continued my lecture..I immediatelt stopped my lecture,not because of any sort of fear. But just because I love my friends. Now You ought to buy this story, because all that is written in this post are true to the best of my knowledge.
- Chronicwriter