Wednesday, June 11, 2003

3.The Brave Dreamer

Do you dream? or atleast have you saved anyone in your life? If not ,this inspirational story of mine would change ur life for ever.

I had my first dream when i was just two months old. I used to dream about Israel-Palestine peace talks and also about world peace. I was so worried about the humanitarianism that even in my dream i used to strive hard for a green world. My heart used to be so heavy during such dreams that i used to cry non-stop. My parents had a tough time taking care of their two month old son who was busy dreaming about world peace. I even used to wet my bed during such dreams ( The concept of wet dreams evolved from one such incident). I even used to wet my bed when i grew up. The burden for the society was of such high decree.

As days flew by, i became a dreamer and my dreams gained expertise and i started dreaming about biotechnology, sociology, genetic science, archeology, business administration and before long i celebrated my first birthday. The burden in my heart was so much that i did not even have enough power to blow the candles in my birthday cake. My mother helped her genius son( that is me) in blowing the candles.

Days went by and i was in School. I was in kindergarden. My dreams had a disastrous effect because of a girl called Renu. She was also so much concerned about the society , cos she always cried in class. What a pair, we made! She cried during the day time and i cried in my sleep. She had lovely blue eyes and a pint size nose that oozed out Phlegm cos her nostrils did not have a stopper. Her lips were like those sugar coated strawberries( Now! Don't u go into a dreamworld! she is mine!!ok ok.. she WAS mine.. atleast in my dreams).She was taller than me though. But does size matter? Her hair was as soft like the brush we used to clean our toilet. ( Am i describing her in a obscene manner? Glad that we did not have any sexual harassment policies in kindergarden)

Every love story should have a villain. In our case, the villain came in the form of Shabir. He was the hero of the class because he was the only one who can chew a chewing gum without swallowing it. The girls were amazed at his wonderful chewing gum-chewing abilities. He used to defeat me round and square in academics also. My vocabulary was so limited then. according to me "A was for Apple". But Shabir used to confuse everyone saying that A was for air-plane,Anaconda,Acracadabra and so on.

When we were using chalk pieces and black slate boards for writing , he was the first one to use a note book and a pencil. To cope up with the ever increasing competition, i bought my first note book and pencil. I never knew how to hold a pencil. But who cares , cos now i had half the class's attention. Shabir could not take it any longer. He grasped my pencil and broke it into two pieces. Such actions were considered to be an act of bravery. Renu fell in instant love with him. Now i wanted to show that i was one step ahead of him in the race. I started screaming at the top of my voice. My class teacher( on whom i developed an affection at a later point of time) rushed to the scene and instead of punishing him , she started thrashing my bum( cos possession of pencil in kindergarden was treated as a crime under the POTA kindergarden Act).Renu started avoiding me.

That night i had a dream. The whole school caught fire because of a cosmic explosion planned by Iraq and Iran. I started weeping cos i saw Renu caught between the flames. I ran as fast as my little feet could carry me and before long i was standing in front of the class. I opened the door with one powerful kick and searched for a fire extinguisher.

But i could not find one in the near by surroundings. That night before hitting bed i drank lots of water and as the water tank was full, i decided to save my Renu by extinguishing the fire using the only resource available at that time. I did not give a second thought and with in seconds, I was performing the extinguishing act. Suddenly some one hit me hard on my back and i woke up to see my angry dad, closing the refrigerator with parting words “ stop peeing in the refrigerator”


Tuesday, June 10, 2003

2.The secret behind my winks

I think when i wink
- Robert Clive.

DISCLAIMER: All the information provided here are true to the best of my LITTLE knowledge. Any resemblance to any creature alive or dead is done with a purpose

Robert Clive winked at an Indian Babe in the post independance era . The local public were enraged by such an act and so they bashed him up and took him to the great freedom fighter Shri . Jai Manohar Kolkatta ,who happened to be the local panchayat head at that time and when Robert Clive was asked whether he had anything to say before his last breath, he uttered these words," I think when i wink".

These words entered the history books basically because of two reasons
1. Robert Clive escaped from being stoned to death
2. The City of calcutta was renamed as Kolkatta.

Jai Manohar Kolkatta incidently happens to be the greatest ever Independance hero the country has ever produced. Legend has its history that he was a martial arts exponent and was also the founder of the martial art form of Kung-Fu. But all his exploits were not published. The only book that has all the details about Kolkatta was discovered by my pet dog, "Bubbly", on 24-02-2004 in my back yard.

Flashback to 24-02-2004.

As Bubbly has a very good appetite unlike his master( his master happens to be me), he eats at will. and so nature calls him pretty often. And when ever nature calls him, Bubbly runs to the backyard and squarts like a true warrior and stands like Jackie Chan and performs the metabolic activity. The expression in Bubbly's face during his metabolic activity is almost similar to the expression that Kate Winslet gives in the movie, "Titanic" when ever she sees the man she is engaged to.The post- activity effort to cover-up the treasure is indeed a sight to see. Bubbly has this unique god given gift of covering point B when actually point A needs to be covered.

On that historic day, my pet dog Bubbly was performing his usual covering up act in the backyard . As he ate a lot that day, he had to do extra work for the covering up act;in the process he accidently dug a 14.23 feet long hole. Suddenly he stopped his covering up activity and started barking in C minor scale. That peculiar bark was a warning sound for his master(once again am reminding u all that I am his master). I ran to the backyard and what i saw really left me speechless.

Bubbly had this book in his mouth. I took the book from Bubbly and started reading it. The book had lots of controversies hidden in it.All pre Independance secrets were in that book. I had tears in my eyes. I turned around and saw Bubbly crying too. I wiped his tears with my hands and Bubbly tried wiping my tears with his paws,but i did not allow him to do so, cos he did not do the covering act properly and he still had some traces of metabolic proof on his paws..I winked at him and he winked at me...