Monday, August 28, 2017

904. Oviya, Me and the Gold Ring

This picture is so dear to me. I keep this picture under my pillow and every night before I go to sleep, I peek under the pillow to take a look at this picture. Yes I cry every single time I look at this picture. My pillow becomes wet every night because of the impact this picture creates in my heart.

Why is this picture so close to my heart?

This is the exact place where I broke up with my ex girl friend Oviya. We have spent many days sitting in this exact place. We will hold hands, talk about our future, our kids and our future dog. I still remember that fateful day. It seems like it happened just yesterday. It was raining that evening. I was sitting in this bench waiting for her to come. She had called me up on the phone and wanted to meet me that evening. We had been fighting for one long week before that. So I assumed that she was about to patch up with me.

So I waited in that bench. Can you see the dustbin near that bench? I bought it and donated to this park. In fact I bought 8 dustbins and kept it in the park because I was a fan of our Prathan manthri ji. Though this happened in 2007 and he was not yet the PM of the country, I exactly knew what he was going to do for our country in the future in the name of Swachh Baharath. (Postla logic illanu solluveeyaa?)

I had bought a gold ring for her from Joy Alukkas. It was a perfect setting for a romantic proposal. I had planned to put the ring on her finger. Then I had devised a plan to kiss her and ask her to marry me. So with all these thoughts running in my mind, I was waiting for  Oviya.

Finally at 6 pm, she walked in. She was wearing a Pink Sari. She looked drop dead gorgeous. A tall, dark and handsome guy came along with her. I had not seen him before. She came near me and said "Chriz! Look, you have hurt me with your words. It won't work for us. I am going to marry him. He is my maama paiyan."

He looked at me and smiled. My heart pained. My hand became numb. With a feeble voice, I looked at him and asked " Are you Amrika return?"

He said "Yes"
Thousands of arrows pierced me from every direction. I could not take it any longer. A tear drop escaped my eyelid. She saw it; but she showed no mercy. I even tried overacting by letting a few more ear drops escape through my eye lids. Ava kandukkavey illa. At that exact moment, my bladder also became full. It started to rain. So I used that opportunity. No one knew. She walked away with him. 

I put my hand inside my pocket and took the ring. I looked at it with anger. I went near that lamp (diagonally opposite to the dustbin) and looked around and no one was there. So I dug a small hole and planted the ring under the lamp.

With tears in my eyes and sodium chloride in my wet pants, I walked along the pavement into the sunset.

Note: You can still go to the park and take that ring and donate it to the Government for the prathan mandhiri relief fund. Jai Ho.


Sunday, August 27, 2017

903. Push vs Pull

I am a Tamil guy. I think in Tamil and hence my English is not that good.

When ever I see the word "Pull" written on a door, I always do mental mathematics whether I should push the door or pull the door.

You might ask "Why I do that?"

It might be simple for you.

But for me, it is really tough. Each and every single time, I go through this trauma when I see the approach a door.

I would stall for a moment and 9 out of ten times, do the exact opposite of what the door asks me to do.

This is what I expressed in my Facebook page in Tamil

Enna dhaan IELTS and English grammarla pisthaavaa irundhaalum, oru doorla Pull or Pushnu eludhi irundhuchunaa, andha kadhava ilukkanumaa illana thallanumaanu manasula oru kolappam varumla. Andha kolappathukkula swimming poattu veliyila onnumey nadakaadha maadhiri correcta Pull nu eludhi irukura kadhava appadiyae thallikittu, adhuvum correctudhaanu oru agambaavathula pogum 7 kodi Tamilargalil naanum oruvandhaan
If you are not yet following my FB page, you are not yet living your life to the fullest. So better follow it now. If you are single, you will get married on the 7th day after liking this page:

Follow my FB page [ link]


Friday, August 25, 2017

902. Who is Ram Rahim?

1) He was one among the top 100 most powerful men in India in 2015 ( Source ). He was the 96th most powerful man in India at that time. MK Stalin was at 95th position and MS Dhoni occupied the 91st position in the list.

2) He has been accused of rape, murder and forced castrations. Yes! He has forcefully cut off the penises ( or the pair beneath them) of many men in the country. He was finally convicted of rape today and may be sentenced to 7 years in prison on Monday.

Edit on Monday: He has been sentenced to 20 years imprisonment.
This is how he entered the court premises today.
3) Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh was born in a Sikh family; but in the year 1990 he was declared as a saint and became the head of a sect called "Dera Sacha Sauda". The sect claims to have more than 60 million followers around the world

4) Haryana state elections in the last ten years relied heavily on Ram Rahim. He helped Congress to win the elections in 2007. In 2014 elections Pradhan Mandhiri Modi ji got the support of Ram Rahim and BJP flourished under his blessings.

5) He gets z+ security cover. His followers have also been taught to conduct suicide attacks. They have killed Sikhs in the past

6) On 13 January 2016, actor Kiku Sharda (who played the character Palak in Comedy Nights with Kapil) was arrested in Mumbai by the Haryana Police for mimicking Singh on his show. Sharda spent 14 days in judicial custody in Kaithal, Haryana. The case was registered on the complaint of Uday Singh, a follower of Dera Sacha Sauda.

7) He has castraded more than 400 men in his sect telling that they would get closer to God by doing so.

8) He has been conferred with many awards in the film industry for his role in films and he has been awarded with many awards by the Government too.

His followers went on a rampage killing many innocent lives after the CBI court sentenced this criminal to 7 years in jail. The court made another verdict that all the damages will be restored using Ram Rahim's personal money from his account.


Thursday, August 24, 2017

901. Say Hi to the Rs 200 currency

So tomorrow RBI will release the Rs 200 currencies. The 200 note is supposed to reduce the burden of the RS 100 note. I am not sure if that would reduce the burden of the Rs 100 note. But it sure would reduce the burden of all the cops who would stop bikes and demand Rs 100 from the bike riders. From now on they can ask them to give Rs 200. I like these cops. They are not too greedy. They don't demand Rs 500 or Rs 2000 notes. They are happy with Rs 100. 

The big thoppai cop near AMBIT Ambattur once stopped my car because I was not wearing my seat belt. When he asked for bribe, I told him I would rather pay the fine. He finally settled for Rs 10 from which he bought one tea and pocketed the remaining Rs.3 in his pocket. 

The Rs 200 note will yet again have the father of our Nation- Mahatma Gandhi. It becomes boring to see the same face again and again. We should have our respected honorable Pradhan Mandhri Narendra Modiji's picture on our currency notes from here on. I would have also been happy if IlayaThalapathy Vijay Anna's picture was printed on the currency notes.

Sleep cell sources also revealed that there is a green thread that runs through the center, which will turn into blue when the note is tilted. This can be used by all the guys to put soora mokkai magic tricks to attract women in colleges and in work places.

The highlight of the currency note is its backside. The backside of the note does not have Gandhi's backside. Instead the motif of Sanchi occupies the backside of the 200 Rupee note. Sanchi Stupa is one of the seven wonders of India. Originally built by Asoka in 3rd century BC, this monument can single handedly teach us a lesson or two from our history.

Our National emblem- Ashoka Pillar (The four lions) is found in this site. The fourth Lion is none other than Captain Vijaykanth (Raghuvaran confirms this in the film Narasimha).

The backside of the Rs 200 note will also have Swachh Bharat logo. This is Modiji's master stroke; because of the  "VARALAARU ROMBA MUKKIYAM AMAICHAREY" fact. 

Other famous personalities whose images could have been used in the Rs 200 currency are

1) Rohit Sharma - for scoring two double hundreds. But his failure to land his bat while running between the wickets acted against him and he was rejected.

2) Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar - for becoming the first man to score a 200. May be his poor attendance in Rajya Sabha acted against his inclusion.

3) Sunny Leone - for single handedly pulling a 200 thousand crowd in Kerala with a cameo appearance to the state.

Illuminati experts might bring in some new concepts and will find some triangle, an eye and a cat symbol somewhere in this currency and would soon spread some conspiracy theories. So be prepared to have a good laugh.

- Chronicwriter.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

900. When Sachin Tendulkar crashed Cricinfo servers

Did Cricinfo servers crash when Sachin Tendulkar was reaching 200 runs in the 2010 match?

Yes, I was in Singapore at that time and I could not watch the match live. I was following Cricinfo. By the end of the 48th over, Sachin had reached 199 runs.

When the 49th over started, Dhoni was on strike. Dhoni faced all the balls and even though he clubbed Steyn for two sixes and one four, we were all not happy with Dhoni because we wanted Sachin to score that all important one run. To add salt to the injury, Dhoni took a single off the last ball of that over. That meant that he would face the first ball of the last over.

49.1 over - Dhoni scored a six. For the first time, the whole of India was cursing captain Dhoni when he scored a six.
49.2 Finally Dhoni takes a single
49.3 Cricinfo servers crashed. We did not know what was happening. Then I opened Twitter and I saw a Tweet which read “ I love you Thalaivaaaaaaaaaa” and that is how I understood that he scored a double century. Cricinfo was back in action after 5 minutes.

The little master drove 45 million page views to the site and his knock crossed the on-field boundary and crashed the online sites that day.

What is so special about this post? This is my 900th post and this answer of mine on Quora garnered 1 Lakh views and 7000 votes. (That is some feat I am proud of)


Thursday, August 17, 2017

899. Say Hello to the band - Nameless

The journey started a year ago. Me and a group of friends joined together and jammed some songs and sang at a friend's wedding exactly a year ago. We sang some old classics and the father of the groom came and asked us "So what is the name of your band?".

We stared at each other and thought to ourselves " Naaiku soru vachom; peru vaikkalaiyae" (We have done all the practice; but failed to even give a name for ourselves). Telfi (Simeon Telfer) immediately said " Engalukku Per illa" (We don't have a name). We laughed and continued playing. And that is how we got our name "Nameless". This is the picture of the band taken at that time.

I should talk about Telfi here. He is a prodigy and he will make it big. He plays super cool riffs and is a treat to watch. He also plays for Santosh Narayanan and has played strings for many movies. Then we have Beethoven, who composes music for our band. He is calm and speaks less and is the kind of person who lets his music do all the talking. 

Shobi Ashika! The Opera princess and a voice that can reach and hit extreme registers is the lead female vocalist of the band. She is the one in the center in the above picture. Immi plays the Cajon and bass and he is the latest member of the band.  We also have Seraph (My little sister) with whom I have been singing for almost 20 years. She is a good in covering some huge songs. Then we also have Cliffy (a soulful singer) and Siraj ( A rapper and an ex member of the band Hip Hop Tamila).

Our love for covering classics has made us to come together to perform at Aegam Decor Cafe. This is a one of a kind cafe in Chennai and one has to visit the cafe to experience the architectural beauty of this place. 

So the band "Nameless" will be performing western songs from various decades. If you are a lover of old songs and if you like Paul Anka, Engelbert Humberdinck, Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, Etta James, Dolly Parton, Neil Sedaka, Carpenters and the likes, may be you should come and encourage us as we perform at Aegam on Saturday the 19th of August 2017 at 6:30 pm.

Click the "The FB event invite page" and confirm your attendance. We will be making some important announcement there.

Nameless band does not have any social media pages. We will have our page when we release our first single :)

- Chronicwriter

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

898. A trip to Crocodile bank in my Big red machine

I recently became a member of the Renault family by buying a Renault Lodgy MUV. After driving a Maruti Alto for 6 years, when I finally started driving a 8 seater, it feels so different. When I make turns at intersections, I am extra careful because of the thought that there is an entire row of seats at the back of the car.

The reason why I love Lodgy is, even though it is a big car, it does not make me look small inside it. Being a shorty, SUVs usually look huge. When I was contemplating on buying a SUV, my friend reminded me of the Vadivelu comedy in Pokkiri movie where a short guy drives a lorry.

My daughter Anya literally slept inside the car when I first brought it home. Today we decided to go as a family to crocodile bank ( A park which houses 2000 crocodiles). A long drive in the ECR calls for a mandatory click near Muttukadu. Many people were getting out of their cars to click photos and I followed suit.

And we resumed our journey to crocodile bank. Anya was excited to see members of the Lizard family. But what caught her attention was the selfie wall where some artist had painted pictures of crawlies on the wall. At first she was scared of the image of the crocodile that protruded through the wall. 

Finally we saw all the Lizards. Some of them were too lazy to even move an inch. We also were lucky to see the largest crocodile in captivity. 

That is the big guy who is 6 meters long.

Crocodile bank is definitely worth your time if you are in ECR.

Time spent : 45 minutes

Now Anya wants to adopt a crocodile as a pet.

- Chronicwriter

Friday, August 11, 2017

897. Do you know why Dhoni knelt and kept wickets during the India Vs Pakistan bowl out in T20 WC 2007?

India went on to the bowl out with bowlers who had maximum stump hit rate while bowling in the nets. If you had watched the match, you would know that Indian bowlers Sehwag, Harbajjan and Robin Uthappa hit the stumps where as the Pakistan bowlers Arafat, Umar Gul, and Afridi missed hitting the stumps.
We all go gaga over the accuracy of the Indian bowlers. I believe Dhoni played a much bigger part in helping them hit the stumps.
  1. Dhoni kneels behind the stumps and positions himself in such a manner that his shoulder frame exactly fits behind the stump frame. So the bowler has to just see Dhoni and bowl at him. This improves the accuracy level of the bowler and gives him the extra confidence when he bowls

Nothing to take away from the bowlers; but my man of that match was definitely Captain Cool- Dhoni. To read my answer full answer  in Quora, please click here [link]


Tuesday, August 01, 2017

896. Miss Sophie

She was my 3rd standard craft teacher in school. She had a long nose, looked beautiful, was always neatly draped in a saree, but when she was angry we would all literally pee in our shorts. Shabir has once pooped once when she got angry with him. She oozed terror out of her every facial expression.

When she gets angry she would scream like a cat suffering from constipation. She would always walk around with a wooden ruler. She might have been a psycho and if she had been a teacher in the present day education system, she would have been definitely arrested and put behind bars.

During the craft period, she would draw some scenery on the blackboard and ask us to copy that in our craft notebooks. I am a pathetic artist. The only scenery that I can draw is a mountain, sun, coconut tree, crows, and a hut. Biswa Kalyan Rath was right when he explained about this in his standup routine.

One day she drew the map outline of India and asked us to draw it in our notebook. My Indian map looked as if India had been badly defeated in a war that was conspired by Pakistan, China, SriLanka and Burma. She got angry. She asked me to stretch out my hand and raised her hand to beat me. Three lashes on my hand. My eyes welled up. She did not stop there. She asked me to turn my hand and show my knuckles. Again three more times the ruler whacked my knuckles. Yes I did cry. Those were the days when the parents would tell the teachers to beat the children if they misbehaved. And Ms Sophie misused that privilege that was given to her by parents and the school management. I am not against punishments; but when I think about my childhood, I can understand that almost all my teachers had been abusers. Miss Sophie topped this list.

What makes me believe that she is a psycho is the fact that she used to smile after beating the students. Any teacher, even if she punishes a student will do it out of love for the child. But Sophie was different. She loved to see us cry. And if we did not cry, she would make sure to beat us till we cried.

To make matters worse, she was always the stand by teacher. When any teacher was absent, she would be the teacher who would come to our class. So we would always pray and wish that no other teacher gets absent.

One day, when she was in our class, another teacher called her out. Miss Sophie left her wooden ruler on the table and left the class. I used that opportunity to spring into action and throw the ruler out of the window. When she came back to our class she searched frantically for the ruler and when she could not find it, she screamed in a loud voice "WHO TOOK THE RULER?". That was it. Almost all of us peed in our shorts. Shabir immediately stood up and said "Miss, Chriz took the ruler and threw it out of the window". She got the ruler back and massaged my knuckles, bum, ankles, shoulders and my thighs with the ruler.
Result: Three days leave from school
You might think that my parents were silent on this issue. But that was our generation and the present day kids will not understand the logic behind this.

Note: Sophie was not her real name. I used the name Sophie because I am still scared of her. What if she comes home with a wooden ruler?