Tuesday, July 04, 2017

889. Weird things I did as a child

When we grow up we understand certain things in life. This is not applicable to those who fight for matters holding on to opinions even when they do not know what they are talking about.

When I was a child, I did not have a proper understanding of various realities in life. I know many of you might also fall under the same category as mine. Well! I remained innocent for quite a longer period of time.
I believed that medical practitioners would never die.
When Doctor Jayakar uncle (Nagercoil) passed away, I ran to my mom and asked "How did he die?"  because I was under the belief that doctors would never die.
I thought all animals were male and all birds were female
Till I turned ten, I believed that all birds were girls and all animals were boys. One day, I saw the bum of two dogs affixed to each other. My little tender heart felt sorry for them. I thought my naught neighbour Aravind might have applied fevicol on the bum of those two dogs and left them in the open. I called Aravind's mom and complained to her that her son had done a great crime to two dogs. She came with me and saw the two dogs in a compromising situation. She immediately closed her eyes and ran inside. I was angry with her for many days that she had blindly supported her son.
I thought cricket players were inside the TV. 
I used to go behind the TV box to check what they were doing between the overs when commercials were being telecasted. During the world 1992 world cup, India was playing against Zimbabwe. Kapil Dev opened the batting for India and blasted a huge six. I ran behind the TV to search for the ball.
I thought chocolate was made from cowdung. 
I knew that cows gave milk. I assumed that the chocolate flavoured milk was because of cow shitting while being milked. I had an aversion towards Bournvita and Boost because of this.
Johnson's baby oil was made from baby urine.
I was under the assumption that Johnson's baby oil was made out of baby urine. Infact I used to collect my own urine in small bottles and take it my class. Once I applied it on Shabir and told him that it was good for his health. He did not know that I had applied pee on him. He thought it was Johnson's baby oil. No one knew why our class room had urine smell.
I used to think that If a man and woman exchanged a handshake, they will get a baby. 
This made me to avoid shaking hands with girls or even holding their hands till I was in class 5. But I always wanted to shake hands with Renu and even succeeded shaking her hands when I was in class 3. When she did not come to school the next day, my friend Anwar teased me saying that Renu had become pregnant and I was responsible for that. I was terrified because I was not mentally prepared to become a father.  I was relieved when she did not deliver a baby after ten months. I even gave her an extra two months grace period. My poor marks in class 3 and 4 was because of this mental trauma.
I peed inside the movie hall while watching Jurassic park. 
Two dinosaurs will be chasing two little children in a particular scene and one of those dinosaurs would jump in an attempt to bite the boy's leg. It was at that exact moment, I felt a warmth in my shorts. No one else knew that I had peed in the movie hall. By the time the movie ended, my shorts was dry too.


1 comment:

  1. Oh dear! I guess all of us have these. But you were gross - with all that pee fixation.

    Here are some of mine:

    * I used to think that if we swallow seeds, trees would grow inside of us, branching out through the ears, nose and mouth.

    * I thought one could get pregnant by kissing (right up to std X)

    * I used to try seeing the adults' face in Tom and Jerry by trying to push the TV screen.

    * I thought pencil shaves could grow a plant

    I had many more which I cannot recollect.

    Thanks for making me smile and recollect some childish moments.



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