Jul 21, 2017

893. In the end it does not even matter...

In the year 2007, our  band performed the song "In the end". I saw the video more than 100 times to imitate each and every single body language of Chester Bennington before singing this song with my band. We fumbled on stage. 

He committed suicide early today and I felt numb listening to his songs this morning after realizing that he is gone. His song “In the end” used to be on the song list of every college band in India in the early 2000s. He never came out of his drug addiction or his depression. But what is so hard to digest is the fact that he was a performer of a totally different level, with a huge fan following and everything seemingly was going right for him. But still he was highly depressed in life.

No one understood what he was actually going through in his life. And suddenly he is gone. Anyone can commit suicide and everyone at some point of time might have contemplated suicide. If you are in a Corporate environment and if you are reading this now, just read the following lines carefully. It will be of great help to you because workplace suicides are on the rise.

Most suicidal individuals give warning signs about their suicidal intentions like talking about killing or dying, writing poems on death, buying harmful elements, settling will, giving away prized possessions, calling their friends & colleagues and suddenly saying good bye and many more. A suicidal person will lose interest in day-to-day activities and show big changes in eating or sleeping habits too. There are many more warning signs that you can spot.

The best way to help someone like them is to find these warning signs and have the ability to respond to them once you spot it. You can play a vital role by pointing a suicidal person to a doctor or a psychologist if needed. The next time, you see a series of depressing messages from someone on Facebook or any other social media channel, make sure that you are there for them to take them out of their depression. Be that friend you always wanted to have for yourself.

I am running this blog all these years for this one sole purpose - that is to put a smile on people's faces. It gives me a great sense of happiness to know that people smile even if the blog has poorest of poor jokes. Just go ahead and make someone smile today. 

-Chronicwriter

Jul 12, 2017

892. How did Kohli become the captain of Indian cricket team? Truth revealed

Virat Kohli, the captain of the India cricket team has two brothers and one sister. Vikash Kohli, Dharmesh Kohli and Bhavana Kohli are their names respectively. Dharmesh and Virat are twins.

When they were young, the siblings got along well. But as they grew up, Virat kohli fell into bad company and started abusing everyone using MC and BC words. The siblings did not like it at all, especially Dharmesh Kohli could not tolerate being called MC at all. 

Virat did not realize that by using such cuss words against his own brother, he was actually cursing his own mother and sister. Dharmesh tried his level best to advice Virat not to use such words. Matters got worse when Virat joined the Indian cricket team. The abuses increased multi-fold. Dharmesh decided to leave the house and with great difficulty he fled to America and changed his name to Dominic Cooper.



After changing his name to Dominic Cooper, he got some movie offers and infact got an opportunity to act in Captain America as Howard Stark. When Virat came to know of this, he went to captain Dhoni and said "My brother has become a part of Captain America. So please hang your gloves. I want to become Captain India". The next moment, Dhoni announced his retirement from test cricket and handed over the captaincy to Virat Kohli. And that is how Virat became the captain of the Indian cricket team. To look different, Virat Kohli asked his hairdresser to put two line marks on his head.

If you find it difficult to believe this true story. you got to see this picture. Now you will believe me for sure.


- Chronicwriter

Jul 11, 2017

891. The fart that wasn't mine

Every body does it every single day of their lives. But no body accepts it. I am talking about farts. People will accept any crime in the world; but they won't admit to farting even if they had let out one. I am not like others. Even today, when I fart, I admit it because I don't like someone else owning my fart. The air that went out was a part of me just a moment ago and how could I disown something that was a part of me. Many people are cruel as they disown a part of their legacy by not owning up their farts.

Till I turned ten, I had the habit of letting out loud farts. I never tried adjusting my muscle to silence it. When air went out, it always came out with a bang. Be it the scooter or the bullet or even a bijili vedi, it always came out with a sound. I was totally against silent farting. But one incident changed my attitude towards farting for ever and scarred me for life. This blog post is about that incident.

When I was in class 5, I used to sit next to Minu. Renu sat in the second row in class. In each bench, two students sat together. Minu liked me; but my heart always longed for Renu. I remember that day even now. It was maths class. Beulah ma'm was teaching us basics of trigonometry. I could sense the bench vibrate at a higher frequency and I immediately realized Minu had let out a silent fart. I did not know till then how to let out a silent fart. She was an expert in that art. She acted as if she was listening to the lecture.

Seconds later Beulah ma'm gave a yukky reaction and said "Now who is that?". The smell filled the room. Minu might have eaten cauliflower fry. When ever I farted, I would say"Guys! That is me". I took pride in letting everyone know that I had imparted a part of me in the class room. But on that particular day, I did not own it up because it was not mine. Minu also reacted as if she did not know who let that fart out. She even looked at me and said "Yew! Was that you?"

I could not bear it. How could I ever own up someone else's fart?. How could she lie like that? Why is she ashamed to own her own fart? All these questions were running in my head. No one were ready to believe me. Even Renu gave me a doubting stare. That literally broke my tiny ten year old heart. Here I was torn between a false accusation and a doubtful stare from the lady of my life. I could not keep quiet after all the pressure I was being forced into. 

I stood up and screamed in a loud voice "That was not me! That was Minu. I don't fart silently and I fart out loud"
The class was silent for the next few seconds. Beulah ma'm got angry with me because I screamed in the class. She asked me to leave the class immediately. I slowly got up and started to make my way out. At that moment, I decided to teach them a lesson. So I gathered all courage and strength, that was ably supported by my intestine muscles and let out a loud fart. 

I turned around and said "If I fart, this is how I fart. And this fart is different from the previous one. You will know the difference in no time". 

Soon my class mates realized that the earlier fart did not belong to me because the loud one that I just released from captivity had a potato flavor. But Minu had a straight face and acted as if she knew nothing. She could have gone on to become a world famous for her acting skills. But she is now working in an IT firm as a project director. I met her at a recent alumni meet. We even had a conversation while we were having buffet dinner. The biriyani that we ate had too much of mint flavor. May be she is using this patch these days.


Click here to read a blog post that I wrote on the different types of farts [link].

You can also click this [link] to read funny incidents and fun facts on farting


-Chronicwriter

890. Bloopers from my home recording videos



I do lot of home video recordings. Those recording sessions are filled with fun, laughter, tamasha and loads and loads of mistakes and retakes. Here I present some of the bloopers from my home recording that I did in the last one month.



If you wanna join me for some home recording jam session, just message me. I will be more than happy to record some bloopers ;)

- Chronicwriter

Jul 4, 2017

889. Weird things I did as a child

When we grow up we understand certain things in life. This is not applicable to those who fight for matters holding on to opinions even when they do not know what they are talking about.


When I was a child, I did not have a proper understanding of various realities in life. I know many of you might also fall under the same category as mine. Well! I remained innocent for quite a longer period of time.
I believed that medical practitioners would never die.
When Doctor Jayakar uncle (Nagercoil) passed away, I ran to my mom and asked "How did he die?"  because I was under the belief that doctors would never die.
I thought all animals were male and all birds were female
Till I turned ten, I believed that all birds were girls and all animals were boys. One day, I saw the bum of two dogs affixed to each other. My little tender heart felt sorry for them. I thought my naught neighbour Aravind might have applied fevicol on the bum of those two dogs and left them in the open. I called Aravind's mom and complained to her that her son had done a great crime to two dogs. She came with me and saw the two dogs in a compromising situation. She immediately closed her eyes and ran inside. I was angry with her for many days that she had blindly supported her son.
I thought cricket players were inside the TV. 
I used to go behind the TV box to check what they were doing between the overs when commercials were being telecasted. During the world 1992 world cup, India was playing against Zimbabwe. Kapil Dev opened the batting for India and blasted a huge six. I ran behind the TV to search for the ball.
I thought chocolate was made from cowdung. 
I knew that cows gave milk. I assumed that the chocolate flavoured milk was because of cow shitting while being milked. I had an aversion towards Bournvita and Boost because of this.
Johnson's baby oil was made from baby urine.
I was under the assumption that Johnson's baby oil was made out of baby urine. Infact I used to collect my own urine in small bottles and take it my class. Once I applied it on Shabir and told him that it was good for his health. He did not know that I had applied pee on him. He thought it was Johnson's baby oil. No one knew why our class room had urine smell.
I used to think that If a man and woman exchanged a handshake, they will get a baby. 
This made me to avoid shaking hands with girls or even holding their hands till I was in class 5. But I always wanted to shake hands with Renu and even succeeded shaking her hands when I was in class 3. When she did not come to school the next day, my friend Anwar teased me saying that Renu had become pregnant and I was responsible for that. I was terrified because I was not mentally prepared to become a father.  I was relieved when she did not deliver a baby after ten months. I even gave her an extra two months grace period. My poor marks in class 3 and 4 was because of this mental trauma.
I peed inside the movie hall while watching Jurassic park. 
Two dinosaurs will be chasing two little children in a particular scene and one of those dinosaurs would jump in an attempt to bite the boy's leg. It was at that exact moment, I felt a warmth in my shorts. No one else knew that I had peed in the movie hall. By the time the movie ended, my shorts was dry too.

-Chronicwriter