Jun 20, 2017

888. Tango with Renu

Most of you would know that Renu was the first love of my life. I fell in love with her when I first saw here in my Kindergarten class. She had this amazing cute smile which floored me the very first time I saw her. My first love letter was written to her. 

Representative Image

Read my first love letter to Renu [link]

Days went by and we finally had to part our ways and Renu is now the mother of two and she has not given my name to her children. That has caused deep hurt in my heart even now. This blog post is about my first dance with Renu.

When we were in class 4, eight of us were selected by our class teacher Beulah mam to be a part of the dance group for the school day function.

Boys : Shabir, Arun, Deepak and Me
Girls: Minu, Anisha, Divya and Renu

Arun and Deepak knew that I was in love with her; so they agreed to partner with Anisha and Divya respectively. So it was Shabir and I fighting to be Renu's partner. Shabir was my villain during my school days. I will elaborately write about this in my forthcoming book (I have been telling that I will publish this book for the last ten years. I will do it soon). 

Minu was a pretty girl; but my love for Renu did not allow my conscience to be paired with anyone else other than Renu. Our class teacher Beulah noticed this and decided to choose partners by lots. Unfortunately for me Shabir and Renu became the pair and I had to partner with Minu.

The song selected for us was "Billy Jean by MJ". The boys were supposed to do a spin and the famed moonwalk. Arun and I were natural dancers and we learnt to slide in no time. Deepak on the other hand performed the moonwalk as though he was suffering from constipation. Shabir slided as if he had piles. That gave me hope. I was hoping that Renu would hate his dance style and would automatically ask to be paired with me. But she did not show any sign that she was interested to dance with me. May be she was showing too much attitude and throwing the "I am not easy to get" game.

Our practice sessions went on for two weeks. I was literally angry to see Shabir dancing with the love of my school days. Though I would be holding Minu's hands, my heart and eyes were on Renu. Minu noticed this and got irritated. One week before the school day function, Minu fell ill with typhoid and she had to pull out of the dance group. I was shocked because now I was the only one in the group without a dance partner. 

Beulah mam still asked me to dance without the partner. Shabir started mocking me with his giggles. I was literally crying inside. I even decided to quit school and stay at home. But I knew if I had did that, my mom would beat me with the dosa spoon. I literally cried every night and wet my pillow that week. As I had the habit of bed wetting, my parents would be confused how on earth the pillows got wet. They thought that I was doing a 360 degree spin in my bed while sleeping.

On the day of our performance, Renu got chicken pox. That was the happiest day of my life. I was happy because Shabir also lost his partner. But Deepak gave me a mild heart attack when he said that Beulah mam might pair me up with Shabir. That was the last thing that I wanted in my life. My little 9 year old heart could not bear that much pain. 

Beulah mam called the dance group to the staff room and said " Chriz and Shabir, you both don't have partners; but you guys have practiced real hard. So you guys can still dance. You can dance for the solo movements; but for all the movements that involve dancing with your partners, you both will be just standing there with pom poms and do our drill steps". And that is what happened on stage. Shabir and I were swatting mosquitoes and flies with pom poms and did a couple of solo movements (spin and moonwalk). I was sad, angry, mad and happy at the same time. If you had been in my position you would understand what I am talking about.

-Chronicwriter.

Jun 18, 2017

887. How to lose a friend in few seconds

Almost all of us have 1000 or 2000 friends on FB. After a point of time, we might have the thought to unfriend some of them. But many of us would be contemplating how to do that without hurting the other person. This is a simple tip that you can follow to unfriend someone without hurting the other person. In fact that person would be the one who would be unfriending you.



Please save this photo in your computer/ mobile phone. There are lot of children who suddenly become their father's favorite child today. They will update super sentimental "Father's day" posts today. Spoil their day by posting this image as a comment for their father's days status message.

Note: If they unfriend you, compeinee poruppu aerkkaadhu

By the way, this is my FB status message for the occasion. It is in Tamil.

புள்ள குட்டிகள பெத்து விட்டா மட்டும் போதாது. அவங்களுக்கு நல்ல அப்பாவா இருக்கணும். கட்டுன பொஞ்சாதிக்கு உண்மையா இருக்கனும்.அப்படி வாழந்து கொண்டிருக்கும் ஆம்பளைங்களுக்கு மட்டும் "Happy Father's day". மிச்சம் இருக்கிற எல்லா பயலும் ஓடிடு 
-Chronicwriter

Jun 15, 2017

886. When India hammered Bangladesh


This picture encapsulates the performance of the Bangladesh cricket team against India in the semifinals of the champions Trophy. The team is quiet good, but India plays against them like a wounded lion and thrashes them every time they face Bangladesh in an ICC tournament. One of the major reason is the shock the Indians suffered in the hands of the Bangladesh cricket team in the 2007 world cup.

Bangladesh was lucky to get so far in the Champions trophy. They got to the semifinals because of rain. Australia was extremely unlucky to get knocked out of the tournament without even playing one full match. It was the rain which took the Bangladesh team to the semifinals. Unfortunately for them, it did not rain when they faced India in the semifinals.

Bangladesh team's performance reminds me of the "rain flies" which appear when ever there is a rain. Once sun comes out, they disappear

India just knocked them with brutal force. Sunil Gavaskar was sarcastical in his tweet


The Bangladesh fans who usually show their might with their Photoshop skills were shell shocked when Rohit and Kohli molested their bowlers all around the park.


Before the match, these Photoshop fellows created an image in which a Bangladesh flag draped tiger was seen pouncing on an Indian flag draped dog. I hope they at least learn their lesson not to jump the gun and celebrate before a win. Mushfiqur Rahman learnt this lesson the hard way in the 2016 T20 world cup when he tried to celebrate too early. The following picture is India's response to their Photoshop act


Mean while Indian cricket fans have also started creating Photoshop images to play mind games with the Pakistan team.


If you say "Are not the Indians arrogant by creating images like this? How different are they from the Bangladesh fans?", the answer is simple. We know how Pakistan performs against India in ICC tournaments. We believe in the pacha sattai.

But I strongly believe that Kohli did not use his bowling options well today. He should have given one more over to Pandya. That would have given him an opportunity to complete his century.

-Chronicwriter

Jun 7, 2017

885. The curious case of Mr.IIT

It was the summer of 2004. I had joined a two year MBA course in Rajagiri School of Management. It was a great Business Management institution in Kerala. I had joined MBA after a one year gap after my Engineering. When I joined that college, for one whole month I was the only guy in my batch who had come from TamilNadu. 

During my first day in college, everyone of us were trying our level best to make a good impression. The boys were out to impress the girls. Anterson introduced himself as a rock singer. Joseph Pius Alapatt introduced himself as the royal heir of the Alapatt family. I introduced myself as a dancer and a guitarist. But this guy silenced us all with his introduction.

He went to the stage and said "My name is Midhun Raj. I have done my bachelors degree from IIT Madras. I am a Yoga practitioner and a body builder". That was it. He had all the girls swooning for him with that introduction. 

What else would girls want? Here was a guy who was an IIT product and had a great body. He was the ultimate answer to the brain and brawn question. To add salt to our injury, this guy had an amazing sense of humor too. The girls went gaga over him.

In the first month of our MBA course, we were taken for a rural camp. IIT (that became his nick name and we even address him that way even now) became the physical instructor for us in that camp. He will make us do all sorts of exercises and the girls just followed his instructions like a crowd mesmerized by a magician.

During the end of the first semester, we figured out that he was not an IIT product and that he had graduated from a local college near Chennai (Sriperumputhur I guess) and that was it. The boys were waiting for this opportunity and we all lunged on him and exposed this news to the girls. But still many girls still believed him.

IIT was a great character. He will never ever get angry. You can cross all boundaries and limits and tease him. But he won't get angry at all. That is one character that everyone can learn from him. He encouraged all of us to hit the gym and lift weights. I have a bone laden body and hence I always avoided lifting weights. I would do all exercises that kept me fit. IIT and Anterson on the other hand would lift heavy weights. Joseph Pius would just swim around and share philosophical one liners.
Anterson developing his wings. IIT and me posing for the picture and all of us in the Jacuzzi
The following video symbolizes the friendship IIT and I share. During one of our bachelor parties, IIT as always flexes his muscles for the camera and I tried to do the one hand stand. But I lost my balance and ended up kicking his face. He should have got angry. But he did not. He just laughed and moved on. He must be still having the scar under his eye.



One girl from our batch is still crazy about IIT. She has named her son Midhun. 

- Chronicwriter

Jun 6, 2017

884. Nurse Nancy and the dog's kidney


Bottom Row: L-R: Jaffer, Richard, Prakash, Me.
Top row: L-R: Nagalingam, Praveen, Krishna, Megil.

This was the skit crew during my 12th standard (1999). When everyone were busy preparing for their public exams, we were busy practicing for a skit performance for our annual day function.

The Story: Jaffer goes to a doctor with a problem in his tummy. The doctor finds out that he needs a kidney transplant. As no one comes forward to donate a kidney to him, the doctor decides to take his pet dog's kidney and perform a transplant for Jaffer. I was the pet dog. We had a glamorous nurse (Richard) in the play too. Everyone would try to hit on her. But no one would get her. In the end, Jaffer would turn into a dog and behave like a dog.

Yes, that was our story. That was the epic marana mokka script that we came up with and we had double entendre throughout the script.

I seriously have no idea how Prakash became a part of the script. He just wanted to be around Richard all the time and hence he was roped into the team. Prakash acted as a patient suffering from cough. The doctor would write "vicks" on a piece of paper and hand it over to Prakash. Prakash would eat it and leave the place. 

This scene was later introduced in a tamil movie " Pennin Manathai thottu". Our mokkai jokes were copied in mainline cinema too.

I was selected as the dog, because I could bark well, and behave like a dog too. I would jump up and down everywhere, wag my butt and even lift my legs to pee. I was a male dog and not a bitch.

How ever the main attraction of the skit was Richard. To add glamour to his image, we placed balloons inside his shirt to boost his self confidence. On the day of the event, Prakash pricked the balloon just before we entered the stage. Richard's glamour quotient went down by a large margin. Immediately Krishna gave two coconut shells to Richard and Richard became more glamorous than before. His onstage name was Nurse Nancy. Our classmate Hafeesa gave voice for Richard from backstage.

The skit was supposed to end with Jaffer barking like a dog and leaving the stage. We practiced it to perfection. But Jaffer had other ideas. Before entering the stage, he strategically placed a water bottle and a straw in his pants and he decided to raise his legs and at the same time press the bottle so as to make it appear as though he is peeing at the audience. Unfortunately on that day, our Principal was sitting in the front row and he was subjected to water abhishegam.

-Chronicwriter

Jun 1, 2017

883. While my Peacock gently weeps

Warning: This post is not for children below 18 years of age as it contains explicit sexual acts caught on camera. Children are requested to watch the videos with parental guidance.

"Peacock, our National bird is a celibate. The  male peacock does not have sex with his wife. The female peacock collects the tears of the male bird and delivers a baby peacock." - This is the statement made by Justice MC Sharma of the Rajasthan high court.

If you think that I just made it all up, you got to watch the video below.


His statement makes me to believe that we have to reopen all the cases where he has given his landmark judgments. I have friends who believe the statement made by him. They even go on to the extent of saying that the baby peacock is formed inside the beak of the peacock and the lady peacock delivers the baby through her mouth. 

This is far more worse than my belief that Peacocks are born when we keep the feathers inside our class note books. My previous blog post explains how a girl cheated me in making me believe that peacocks deliver babies that way.[ Read Blog]  May be she must have been a distant relative of the judge. 

In the past one year, the peacock population has come down drastically. This might be because of the large scale production of peacock contraceptives in the Indian market. The picture of a peacock contraceptive is added below for the constipation of my readers.



This is why I strongly appeal that we should ban Johnson's baby shampoo, because their presence would bring down the quantum of tears of the male peacock. I want UNESCO to go through my appeal and certify my appeal and declare our National bird as the best National bird in the world.

- Chronicwriter