Jul 21, 2017

893. In the end it does not even matter...

In the year 2007, our  band performed the song "In the end". I saw the video more than 100 times to imitate each and every single body language of Chester Bennington before singing this song with my band. We fumbled on stage. 

He committed suicide early today and I felt numb listening to his songs this morning after realizing that he is gone. His song “In the end” used to be on the song list of every college band in India in the early 2000s. He never came out of his drug addiction or his depression. But what is so hard to digest is the fact that he was a performer of a totally different level, with a huge fan following and everything seemingly was going right for him. But still he was highly depressed in life.

No one understood what he was actually going through in his life. And suddenly he is gone. Anyone can commit suicide and everyone at some point of time might have contemplated suicide. If you are in a Corporate environment and if you are reading this now, just read the following lines carefully. It will be of great help to you because workplace suicides are on the rise.

Most suicidal individuals give warning signs about their suicidal intentions like talking about killing or dying, writing poems on death, buying harmful elements, settling will, giving away prized possessions, calling their friends & colleagues and suddenly saying good bye and many more. A suicidal person will lose interest in day-to-day activities and show big changes in eating or sleeping habits too. There are many more warning signs that you can spot.

The best way to help someone like them is to find these warning signs and have the ability to respond to them once you spot it. You can play a vital role by pointing a suicidal person to a doctor or a psychologist if needed. The next time, you see a series of depressing messages from someone on Facebook or any other social media channel, make sure that you are there for them to take them out of their depression. Be that friend you always wanted to have for yourself.

I am running this blog all these years for this one sole purpose - that is to put a smile on people's faces. It gives me a great sense of happiness to know that people smile even if the blog has poorest of poor jokes. Just go ahead and make someone smile today. 


Jul 12, 2017

892. How did Kohli become the captain of Indian cricket team? Truth revealed

Virat Kohli, the captain of the India cricket team has two brothers and one sister. Vikash Kohli, Dharmesh Kohli and Bhavana Kohli are their names respectively. Dharmesh and Virat are twins.

When they were young, the siblings got along well. But as they grew up, Virat kohli fell into bad company and started abusing everyone using MC and BC words. The siblings did not like it at all, especially Dharmesh Kohli could not tolerate being called MC at all. 

Virat did not realize that by using such cuss words against his own brother, he was actually cursing his own mother and sister. Dharmesh tried his level best to advice Virat not to use such words. Matters got worse when Virat joined the Indian cricket team. The abuses increased multi-fold. Dharmesh decided to leave the house and with great difficulty he fled to America and changed his name to Dominic Cooper.

After changing his name to Dominic Cooper, he got some movie offers and infact got an opportunity to act in Captain America as Howard Stark. When Virat came to know of this, he went to captain Dhoni and said "My brother has become a part of Captain America. So please hang your gloves. I want to become Captain India". The next moment, Dhoni announced his retirement from test cricket and handed over the captaincy to Virat Kohli. And that is how Virat became the captain of the Indian cricket team. To look different, Virat Kohli asked his hairdresser to put two line marks on his head.

If you find it difficult to believe this true story. you got to see this picture. Now you will believe me for sure.

- Chronicwriter

Jul 11, 2017

891. The fart that wasn't mine

Every body does it every single day of their lives. But no body accepts it. I am talking about farts. People will accept any crime in the world; but they won't admit to farting even if they had let out one. I am not like others. Even today, when I fart, I admit it because I don't like someone else owning my fart. The air that went out was a part of me just a moment ago and how could I disown something that was a part of me. Many people are cruel as they disown a part of their legacy by not owning up their farts.

Till I turned ten, I had the habit of letting out loud farts. I never tried adjusting my muscle to silence it. When air went out, it always came out with a bang. Be it the scooter or the bullet or even a bijili vedi, it always came out with a sound. I was totally against silent farting. But one incident changed my attitude towards farting for ever and scarred me for life. This blog post is about that incident.

When I was in class 5, I used to sit next to Minu. Renu sat in the second row in class. In each bench, two students sat together. Minu liked me; but my heart always longed for Renu. I remember that day even now. It was maths class. Beulah ma'm was teaching us basics of trigonometry. I could sense the bench vibrate at a higher frequency and I immediately realized Minu had let out a silent fart. I did not know till then how to let out a silent fart. She was an expert in that art. She acted as if she was listening to the lecture.

Seconds later Beulah ma'm gave a yukky reaction and said "Now who is that?". The smell filled the room. Minu might have eaten cauliflower fry. When ever I farted, I would say"Guys! That is me". I took pride in letting everyone know that I had imparted a part of me in the class room. But on that particular day, I did not own it up because it was not mine. Minu also reacted as if she did not know who let that fart out. She even looked at me and said "Yew! Was that you?"

I could not bear it. How could I ever own up someone else's fart?. How could she lie like that? Why is she ashamed to own her own fart? All these questions were running in my head. No one were ready to believe me. Even Renu gave me a doubting stare. That literally broke my tiny ten year old heart. Here I was torn between a false accusation and a doubtful stare from the lady of my life. I could not keep quiet after all the pressure I was being forced into. 

I stood up and screamed in a loud voice "That was not me! That was Minu. I don't fart silently and I fart out loud"
The class was silent for the next few seconds. Beulah ma'm got angry with me because I screamed in the class. She asked me to leave the class immediately. I slowly got up and started to make my way out. At that moment, I decided to teach them a lesson. So I gathered all courage and strength, that was ably supported by my intestine muscles and let out a loud fart. 

I turned around and said "If I fart, this is how I fart. And this fart is different from the previous one. You will know the difference in no time". 

Soon my class mates realized that the earlier fart did not belong to me because the loud one that I just released from captivity had a potato flavor. But Minu had a straight face and acted as if she knew nothing. She could have gone on to become a world famous for her acting skills. But she is now working in an IT firm as a project director. I met her at a recent alumni meet. We even had a conversation while we were having buffet dinner. The biriyani that we ate had too much of mint flavor. May be she is using this patch these days.

Click here to read a blog post that I wrote on the different types of farts [link].

You can also click this [link] to read funny incidents and fun facts on farting


890. Bloopers from my home recording videos

I do lot of home video recordings. Those recording sessions are filled with fun, laughter, tamasha and loads and loads of mistakes and retakes. Here I present some of the bloopers from my home recording that I did in the last one month.

If you wanna join me for some home recording jam session, just message me. I will be more than happy to record some bloopers ;)

- Chronicwriter

Jul 4, 2017

889. Weird things I did as a child

When we grow up we understand certain things in life. This is not applicable to those who fight for matters holding on to opinions even when they do not know what they are talking about.

When I was a child, I did not have a proper understanding of various realities in life. I know many of you might also fall under the same category as mine. Well! I remained innocent for quite a longer period of time.
I believed that medical practitioners would never die.
When Doctor Jayakar uncle (Nagercoil) passed away, I ran to my mom and asked "How did he die?"  because I was under the belief that doctors would never die.
I thought all animals were male and all birds were female
Till I turned ten, I believed that all birds were girls and all animals were boys. One day, I saw the bum of two dogs affixed to each other. My little tender heart felt sorry for them. I thought my naught neighbour Aravind might have applied fevicol on the bum of those two dogs and left them in the open. I called Aravind's mom and complained to her that her son had done a great crime to two dogs. She came with me and saw the two dogs in a compromising situation. She immediately closed her eyes and ran inside. I was angry with her for many days that she had blindly supported her son.
I thought cricket players were inside the TV. 
I used to go behind the TV box to check what they were doing between the overs when commercials were being telecasted. During the world 1992 world cup, India was playing against Zimbabwe. Kapil Dev opened the batting for India and blasted a huge six. I ran behind the TV to search for the ball.
I thought chocolate was made from cowdung. 
I knew that cows gave milk. I assumed that the chocolate flavoured milk was because of cow shitting while being milked. I had an aversion towards Bournvita and Boost because of this.
Johnson's baby oil was made from baby urine.
I was under the assumption that Johnson's baby oil was made out of baby urine. Infact I used to collect my own urine in small bottles and take it my class. Once I applied it on Shabir and told him that it was good for his health. He did not know that I had applied pee on him. He thought it was Johnson's baby oil. No one knew why our class room had urine smell.
I used to think that If a man and woman exchanged a handshake, they will get a baby. 
This made me to avoid shaking hands with girls or even holding their hands till I was in class 5. But I always wanted to shake hands with Renu and even succeeded shaking her hands when I was in class 3. When she did not come to school the next day, my friend Anwar teased me saying that Renu had become pregnant and I was responsible for that. I was terrified because I was not mentally prepared to become a father.  I was relieved when she did not deliver a baby after ten months. I even gave her an extra two months grace period. My poor marks in class 3 and 4 was because of this mental trauma.
I peed inside the movie hall while watching Jurassic park. 
Two dinosaurs will be chasing two little children in a particular scene and one of those dinosaurs would jump in an attempt to bite the boy's leg. It was at that exact moment, I felt a warmth in my shorts. No one else knew that I had peed in the movie hall. By the time the movie ended, my shorts was dry too.


Jun 20, 2017

888. Tango with Renu

Most of you would know that Renu was the first love of my life. I fell in love with her when I first saw here in my Kindergarten class. She had this amazing cute smile which floored me the very first time I saw her. My first love letter was written to her. 

Representative Image

Read my first love letter to Renu [link]

Days went by and we finally had to part our ways and Renu is now the mother of two and she has not given my name to her children. That has caused deep hurt in my heart even now. This blog post is about my first dance with Renu.

When we were in class 4, eight of us were selected by our class teacher Beulah mam to be a part of the dance group for the school day function.

Boys : Shabir, Arun, Deepak and Me
Girls: Minu, Anisha, Divya and Renu

Arun and Deepak knew that I was in love with her; so they agreed to partner with Anisha and Divya respectively. So it was Shabir and I fighting to be Renu's partner. Shabir was my villain during my school days. I will elaborately write about this in my forthcoming book (I have been telling that I will publish this book for the last ten years. I will do it soon). 

Minu was a pretty girl; but my love for Renu did not allow my conscience to be paired with anyone else other than Renu. Our class teacher Beulah noticed this and decided to choose partners by lots. Unfortunately for me Shabir and Renu became the pair and I had to partner with Minu.

The song selected for us was "Billy Jean by MJ". The boys were supposed to do a spin and the famed moonwalk. Arun and I were natural dancers and we learnt to slide in no time. Deepak on the other hand performed the moonwalk as though he was suffering from constipation. Shabir slided as if he had piles. That gave me hope. I was hoping that Renu would hate his dance style and would automatically ask to be paired with me. But she did not show any sign that she was interested to dance with me. May be she was showing too much attitude and throwing the "I am not easy to get" game.

Our practice sessions went on for two weeks. I was literally angry to see Shabir dancing with the love of my school days. Though I would be holding Minu's hands, my heart and eyes were on Renu. Minu noticed this and got irritated. One week before the school day function, Minu fell ill with typhoid and she had to pull out of the dance group. I was shocked because now I was the only one in the group without a dance partner. 

Beulah mam still asked me to dance without the partner. Shabir started mocking me with his giggles. I was literally crying inside. I even decided to quit school and stay at home. But I knew if I had did that, my mom would beat me with the dosa spoon. I literally cried every night and wet my pillow that week. As I had the habit of bed wetting, my parents would be confused how on earth the pillows got wet. They thought that I was doing a 360 degree spin in my bed while sleeping.

On the day of our performance, Renu got chicken pox. That was the happiest day of my life. I was happy because Shabir also lost his partner. But Deepak gave me a mild heart attack when he said that Beulah mam might pair me up with Shabir. That was the last thing that I wanted in my life. My little 9 year old heart could not bear that much pain. 

Beulah mam called the dance group to the staff room and said " Chriz and Shabir, you both don't have partners; but you guys have practiced real hard. So you guys can still dance. You can dance for the solo movements; but for all the movements that involve dancing with your partners, you both will be just standing there with pom poms and do our drill steps". And that is what happened on stage. Shabir and I were swatting mosquitoes and flies with pom poms and did a couple of solo movements (spin and moonwalk). I was sad, angry, mad and happy at the same time. If you had been in my position you would understand what I am talking about.


Jun 18, 2017

887. How to lose a friend in few seconds

Almost all of us have 1000 or 2000 friends on FB. After a point of time, we might have the thought to unfriend some of them. But many of us would be contemplating how to do that without hurting the other person. This is a simple tip that you can follow to unfriend someone without hurting the other person. In fact that person would be the one who would be unfriending you.

Please save this photo in your computer/ mobile phone. There are lot of children who suddenly become their father's favorite child today. They will update super sentimental "Father's day" posts today. Spoil their day by posting this image as a comment for their father's days status message.

Note: If they unfriend you, compeinee poruppu aerkkaadhu

By the way, this is my FB status message for the occasion. It is in Tamil.

புள்ள குட்டிகள பெத்து விட்டா மட்டும் போதாது. அவங்களுக்கு நல்ல அப்பாவா இருக்கணும். கட்டுன பொஞ்சாதிக்கு உண்மையா இருக்கனும்.அப்படி வாழந்து கொண்டிருக்கும் ஆம்பளைங்களுக்கு மட்டும் "Happy Father's day". மிச்சம் இருக்கிற எல்லா பயலும் ஓடிடு 

Jun 15, 2017

886. When India hammered Bangladesh

This picture encapsulates the performance of the Bangladesh cricket team against India in the semifinals of the champions Trophy. The team is quiet good, but India plays against them like a wounded lion and thrashes them every time they face Bangladesh in an ICC tournament. One of the major reason is the shock the Indians suffered in the hands of the Bangladesh cricket team in the 2007 world cup.

Bangladesh was lucky to get so far in the Champions trophy. They got to the semifinals because of rain. Australia was extremely unlucky to get knocked out of the tournament without even playing one full match. It was the rain which took the Bangladesh team to the semifinals. Unfortunately for them, it did not rain when they faced India in the semifinals.

Bangladesh team's performance reminds me of the "rain flies" which appear when ever there is a rain. Once sun comes out, they disappear

India just knocked them with brutal force. Sunil Gavaskar was sarcastical in his tweet

The Bangladesh fans who usually show their might with their Photoshop skills were shell shocked when Rohit and Kohli molested their bowlers all around the park.

Before the match, these Photoshop fellows created an image in which a Bangladesh flag draped tiger was seen pouncing on an Indian flag draped dog. I hope they at least learn their lesson not to jump the gun and celebrate before a win. Mushfiqur Rahman learnt this lesson the hard way in the 2016 T20 world cup when he tried to celebrate too early. The following picture is India's response to their Photoshop act

Mean while Indian cricket fans have also started creating Photoshop images to play mind games with the Pakistan team.

If you say "Are not the Indians arrogant by creating images like this? How different are they from the Bangladesh fans?", the answer is simple. We know how Pakistan performs against India in ICC tournaments. We believe in the pacha sattai.

But I strongly believe that Kohli did not use his bowling options well today. He should have given one more over to Pandya. That would have given him an opportunity to complete his century.


Jun 7, 2017

885. The curious case of Mr.IIT

It was the summer of 2004. I had joined a two year MBA course in Rajagiri School of Management. It was a great Business Management institution in Kerala. I had joined MBA after a one year gap after my Engineering. When I joined that college, for one whole month I was the only guy in my batch who had come from TamilNadu. 

During my first day in college, everyone of us were trying our level best to make a good impression. The boys were out to impress the girls. Anterson introduced himself as a rock singer. Joseph Pius Alapatt introduced himself as the royal heir of the Alapatt family. I introduced myself as a dancer and a guitarist. But this guy silenced us all with his introduction.

He went to the stage and said "My name is Midhun Raj. I have done my bachelors degree from IIT Madras. I am a Yoga practitioner and a body builder". That was it. He had all the girls swooning for him with that introduction. 

What else would girls want? Here was a guy who was an IIT product and had a great body. He was the ultimate answer to the brain and brawn question. To add salt to our injury, this guy had an amazing sense of humor too. The girls went gaga over him.

In the first month of our MBA course, we were taken for a rural camp. IIT (that became his nick name and we even address him that way even now) became the physical instructor for us in that camp. He will make us do all sorts of exercises and the girls just followed his instructions like a crowd mesmerized by a magician.

During the end of the first semester, we figured out that he was not an IIT product and that he had graduated from a local college near Chennai (Sriperumputhur I guess) and that was it. The boys were waiting for this opportunity and we all lunged on him and exposed this news to the girls. But still many girls still believed him.

IIT was a great character. He will never ever get angry. You can cross all boundaries and limits and tease him. But he won't get angry at all. That is one character that everyone can learn from him. He encouraged all of us to hit the gym and lift weights. I have a bone laden body and hence I always avoided lifting weights. I would do all exercises that kept me fit. IIT and Anterson on the other hand would lift heavy weights. Joseph Pius would just swim around and share philosophical one liners.
Anterson developing his wings. IIT and me posing for the picture and all of us in the Jacuzzi
The following video symbolizes the friendship IIT and I share. During one of our bachelor parties, IIT as always flexes his muscles for the camera and I tried to do the one hand stand. But I lost my balance and ended up kicking his face. He should have got angry. But he did not. He just laughed and moved on. He must be still having the scar under his eye.

One girl from our batch is still crazy about IIT. She has named her son Midhun. 

- Chronicwriter

Jun 6, 2017

884. Nurse Nancy and the dog's kidney

Bottom Row: L-R: Jaffer, Richard, Prakash, Me.
Top row: L-R: Nagalingam, Praveen, Krishna, Megil.

This was the skit crew during my 12th standard (1999). When everyone were busy preparing for their public exams, we were busy practicing for a skit performance for our annual day function.

The Story: Jaffer goes to a doctor with a problem in his tummy. The doctor finds out that he needs a kidney transplant. As no one comes forward to donate a kidney to him, the doctor decides to take his pet dog's kidney and perform a transplant for Jaffer. I was the pet dog. We had a glamorous nurse (Richard) in the play too. Everyone would try to hit on her. But no one would get her. In the end, Jaffer would turn into a dog and behave like a dog.

Yes, that was our story. That was the epic marana mokka script that we came up with and we had double entendre throughout the script.

I seriously have no idea how Prakash became a part of the script. He just wanted to be around Richard all the time and hence he was roped into the team. Prakash acted as a patient suffering from cough. The doctor would write "vicks" on a piece of paper and hand it over to Prakash. Prakash would eat it and leave the place. 

This scene was later introduced in a tamil movie " Pennin Manathai thottu". Our mokkai jokes were copied in mainline cinema too.

I was selected as the dog, because I could bark well, and behave like a dog too. I would jump up and down everywhere, wag my butt and even lift my legs to pee. I was a male dog and not a bitch.

How ever the main attraction of the skit was Richard. To add glamour to his image, we placed balloons inside his shirt to boost his self confidence. On the day of the event, Prakash pricked the balloon just before we entered the stage. Richard's glamour quotient went down by a large margin. Immediately Krishna gave two coconut shells to Richard and Richard became more glamorous than before. His onstage name was Nurse Nancy. Our classmate Hafeesa gave voice for Richard from backstage.

The skit was supposed to end with Jaffer barking like a dog and leaving the stage. We practiced it to perfection. But Jaffer had other ideas. Before entering the stage, he strategically placed a water bottle and a straw in his pants and he decided to raise his legs and at the same time press the bottle so as to make it appear as though he is peeing at the audience. Unfortunately on that day, our Principal was sitting in the front row and he was subjected to water abhishegam.


Jun 1, 2017

883. While my Peacock gently weeps

Warning: This post is not for children below 18 years of age as it contains explicit sexual acts caught on camera. Children are requested to watch the videos with parental guidance.

"Peacock, our National bird is a celibate. The  male peacock does not have sex with his wife. The female peacock collects the tears of the male bird and delivers a baby peacock." - This is the statement made by Justice MC Sharma of the Rajasthan high court.

If you think that I just made it all up, you got to watch the video below.

His statement makes me to believe that we have to reopen all the cases where he has given his landmark judgments. I have friends who believe the statement made by him. They even go on to the extent of saying that the baby peacock is formed inside the beak of the peacock and the lady peacock delivers the baby through her mouth. 

This is far more worse than my belief that Peacocks are born when we keep the feathers inside our class note books. My previous blog post explains how a girl cheated me in making me believe that peacocks deliver babies that way.[ Read Blog]  May be she must have been a distant relative of the judge. 

In the past one year, the peacock population has come down drastically. This might be because of the large scale production of peacock contraceptives in the Indian market. The picture of a peacock contraceptive is added below for the constipation of my readers.

This is why I strongly appeal that we should ban Johnson's baby shampoo, because their presence would bring down the quantum of tears of the male peacock. I want UNESCO to go through my appeal and certify my appeal and declare our National bird as the best National bird in the world.

- Chronicwriter

May 15, 2017

882. When a girl cheats a guy

"How would a Peacock feather put kutti?", I asked her

"When you keep a peacock feather inside a notebook and leave it closed for a month, the feather will multiply into two."

So I went home and kept the feather inside my Maths notebook. I did not open the book that month and failed in my monthly exam. Later that day I was told that Peacocks don't give birth to baby peacocks. When I discovered that they lay eggs, I realized my folly. I was furious. I walked up to her and asked her why she cheated me.

"Female peacocks lay eggs. But male peacocks give birth to baby peacocks if you keep the feather inside the note book"

"But you told me that the feathers will multiply. How will a baby peacock be born?"

" After all the feathers are formed, you have to take the feathers and keep it inside a box for a month. If you do that, the body, legs and head of the Peacock will be formed"

And so I believed her again. Well I was 8 years then and I was super innocent that time. These days, 8 year old boys are becoming fathers of children and many 8 year old boys already have girlfriends. I only had a crush at that time. But even after 1 year, nothing happened to that peacock feather. I was disappointed. So I again tried to confront her.

" I think you lied to me. The peacock feathers never multiplied"

" Only male peacock feathers multiply. What you had kept in that notebook must be a female peacock feather. Female peacocks lay eggs. They don't give birth to baby peacocks. Stop blaming me"

" Sorry! I did not think of that". Can you give me a male peacock feather?"

" Okay here you go. But make sure that you follow all the necessary rules in preserving the feather in the notebook"

So I kept the feather inside a used rough notebook and carefully placed it in my desk in school. I never took it home. After a month, when I opened it there were two feathers. I was very happy. I went to her and thanked her and told that I was sorry for not trusting her completely. She forgave me and showcased her big heart. I did not fall in love with her because I was already in love with Renu. If Renu had not been there in my life, I would have fallen for her.

The very next day, I saw her opening my friend's notebook and placing an additional feather inside his notebook, when he was not in the class. I realized that she had cheated me. But I was too scared to confront her. It has taken me 25 years to finally come out of the shell and write about my pain in this blog. But I am still scared and that is why I have not revealed her name yet.


May 13, 2017

881. That Bodhai when you get record post views.

I have been in Quora writing answers on sports and this happened.

I know that this would be a jujubi matter for Quora experts and they would say"What is so special about this?"

For a die hard Sachin fan (I know many my age would be), writing something about Sachin gives me a lot of happiness and to get such a reception for the answer I wrote about him has taken me to murunga maram top.

Read my answer here [Prason's Quora Answer on Sachin's 200].


May 12, 2017

880. Autograph movie in real life

These grannies created a sensation when they decided to stitch their school uniforms that they wore 50 years ago and wear them for their alumni meet. That is swag style at its best. This happened in Vallapattanam in Kerala.  Some of them even had their old school note books in their bag.

This gives hope for all of us to conduct a school alumni meet. The WhatsApp school groups will be active for the next few days and there would be heavy planning going on to have an alumni meet.

But things may not be the same if we have a school alumni meet. We would have a scenario in which the following might happen

1) Srinivas and Radhika might come to school. Back in school, they were the inseparable Rakhi sister-brother duo. She will tie a rakhi in his hand every year. But now they are husband and wife and the proud parents of two lovely children. We will rag them to death.

2) Ravi will also come for the meet. Ravi was Radhika's boyfriend in school and Srinivas was his best friend during school days. Ravi is now married to Radhika' friend Soundarya.

3) Balaji will get an opportunity to take his revenge on Chemistry sir - Mr. Daniel. Mr Daniel just gave 20 out of 50 marks for Balaji in Chemistry practicals because of which Balaji did not get good marks in his +2 exams. Balaji swore to take his revenge some day. But he is now in a good position. But it would be funny to see how he reacts when he meets Mr Daniel. Mr Daniel is retiring this year

4) We might all have a chance to see our French ma'm. All the boys were crazy about her. In fact I took Tamil as my second language. But I was in the French class all the time.

5) The first thing I will do is to go to the school loo to see if my artwork in the loo wall is still there. I had expressed my love for Renu in the toilet wall. 

6) To see if Natarajan anna still comes to school in his cycle carrying the ice box. He used to sell icecreams for 50 paisa

There are many other things that we would love to re-live. But I can't express them in this blog as it will separate families and make some to end their life too.


May 8, 2017

879. Manda Bathram; because I am dangerous

In West Indies, when a boy baby is born, they will say "Okay this boy will become an opener for a cricket franchisee in the IPL". West Indies produces some of the greatest hard hitters in the world. But do they lack stamina? 

Look at all the muscle clad body builders of the West Indian cricket team. They can enter the WWE ring and lift Big Show and Goldberg easily too. But they don't last longer than 20 overs in cricket. In test match cricket, they don't last longer than 3 days, but in T20 cricket, they are literally unbeatable. Check out for these guys 
  • KKR has Sunil Narine. Who would have thought that this guy can bat? But he has the fastest 50 in this IPL
  • RCB has Gayle. T20 was defined by this monster
  • MI has Lendl Simmons. He is the dark horse of the team
  • SRH had Sammy; he was not their opener, but he was a successful captain.Now KXIP has him
  • DD has Carlos Brathwaite, the beast who smoked 4 successive sixes. He is not an opener too; but he might soon become one
  • GL has Dwayne Smith, who can single handedly win a match for their team
  • RPS do not have a single West Indian; but they have Dhoni. You might ask "Is Dhoni from WI?" When RPS lifts the cup, I will reveal the answer

Even Ussain Bolt is a sprinter. He can't run long distances. If you had seen long distance runners, they are either from Ethiopia or Kenya or Somalia. Guys who are just made of bones have lot of stamina. 

Note to all the body builders: This statement does not have any double meaning statement hidden in it. So don't get angry. Even if you get angry, I don't mind, because the stamina example was evident from the movie Pudhupettai too, where Dhanush (just bones) would be beaten to pulp by a gunda gang; but he will endure the test of time and eventually beat all those guys. Why am I telling this? I have a bone body too. So manda bathram.

Note: Bayathula chuchu poyiteengala? Idhukkey bayandhaa eppadi? Innum evlavo irukkey.


Apr 25, 2017

878. The knock that marked the beginning of Sachin Tendulkar

Yesterday 30,000 people sang the " Happy birthday to you" song to Sachin Tendulkar as he cut the cake in Mumbai during the IPL match between MI and RPS. It was heartening to see the effect the little master still has with the crowd. I have followed him through out his career. When I started following cricket as a 5 year old boy (1987), Krish Srikanth was my favorite batsman. 

I loved cricketers who smashed every ball and at that point of time, India had only one swashbuckling opener and his name was Srikanth. Navjot Singh Sidhu was also good with his six hitting abilities; but when Srikanth was facing the ball, you can always expect him to throw his bat at everything and that was a joyous sight to see.

I used to like Tendulkar because he scored quick. He was young, came in at 5th or 6th scored some brisk 30 or 40 runs. He would often come in to bat in the 45th or 46th over. March 27th 1994- the date is still fresh in my memory. I was writing my 7th standard annual exams. India was touring New Zealand. It was the second ODI.

India pinned its hopes on Navjot Singh Sidhu the opener.  But on that fateful ( or should I say joyous) day, Sidhu woke up with a stiff neck and he could not turn his neck. Young Sachin ran up to his captain Azhar and pleaded with him to let him open the innings. Azhar and Ajit Wadekar were surprised with a young batsman running up to them with such an offer.

New Zealand had a deadly bowling attack spearheaded by Danny Morrison. Chris Pringle was unplayable in those conditions and Larsen was pinpoint accurate. And taking the responsibility to open the batting against such an attack was an act of bravery. 

New Zealand batted first and scored a paltry 142 in their allotted 50 overs. A score of 142 in New Zealand was still defend-able because matches in New Zealand were low scoring affairs. Sachin and Jadeja opened the batting for India. I was watching the match on ESPN and was surprised to see Sachin walking into bat. Morrison and Pringle were taken to the cleaners. 

Sachin redefined the art of opening. Indians were scoring at ten runs per over. He faced 48 balls and smashed 82 runs from it. Gavin Larsen was a stump to stump bowler and Sachin clearly unsettled him by coming down the wicket and taking him to the stands. 
A star was born on that day. India chased down the total in 23 overs at a run rate of 6 per over. The world media turned their focus on this guy from India. The little master finally made the world to notice him and from then on, there was no turning back.

He no longer had to come into bat in the 45th over. He would open the bating and score a brisk 50 and take the team score to 100 odd runs in the first 15 overs itself. After he gets out, the whole team would crumble down. But more often that momentum he gives would be more than enough to help the team cross the shore. 

He went on to score 100 centuries in his career. The desert storm century, world cup 90 against Pakistan in 2003, first man to score 200 happened in his career. But in my opinion, it all started in that match in Auckland in 1994.


Apr 20, 2017

877. The story behind Jolene

Have you ever been in a situation where you had felt that someone is trying to steal your better half? Have you pleaded with that someone not to come between you and your better half? If you had been in such a situation, you could relate well with this song.

Dolly Parton, who happens to be the aunt of Miley Cyrus wrote this song Jolene, which went on to become a cult hit that has been covered by people all over the globe. When Dolly Parton was newly married to a banker Carl Dean, a red headed bank clerk tried to flirt with him. That incident became the foundation for the song Jolene. 

 "Jolene" tells the tale of a woman confronting Jolene, a stunningly beautiful woman, who she believes is trying to steal away her lover and begging her "please don't take my man." Throughout the song, the woman implores Jolene "please don't take him just because you can."

I recorded this song on Smule. You can check my version of the song here.

When you listen to the song, there is so much desperation in the song. It echoes the sadness with which a girl pleads with another girl to save her marriage.

I love various covers for this song. I am going to add three cover versions here

1) Miley Cyrus - Backyard cover.

Though I am not a fan of Miley, I actually liked her in this song.

2) Benton Blunt's version of Jolene

I am a sucker for music reality shows. I follow almost all of them. When Benton Blunt came on stage to audition for America's Got Talent, no one was actually prepared for what's in store for them. He blew them all away with his rendition of Jolene.

3) Pentatonix and the Grammy award winning cover

What makes this version so special is that this cover enabled Dolly Parton to win a Grammy 44 years after she recorded this song. Dolly Parton also makes an appearance in this song.

In a way, if a person has to plead with another woman not to steal her husband, the husband is not really worthy because he is an easy bait. Similarly if a husband has to plead with another man not to steal his wife, she ain't a keeper. In Dolly Parton's case, she is married to her hubby for more than 50 years. Ain't that adorable?


Apr 18, 2017

876. How to prove you are a true Indian

Post the comment "Modi is the best PM in the world" in public forums, especially on FB

Go to a movie theater and search for someone who does not stand up for national anthem, If everyone are standing up, search for someone who does not stand in attention; if you find an adimai, beat him slap him and shout " Bharath Mata ki Jai". Also shoot a video and post it on FB, or go live on FB
Wheel chair bound guy kicked for not standing up for National Anthem

Give one star rating for Snapchat and Snapdeal

Abuse Pakistan in comments in FB

Write random shit in Hindi and post that Hindi script in Tamil forums and when any Tamilian argues with you that Hindi is not the official National language, tell them that they are anti national 

Stop Ogling at her

Preserve the Indian sanskari/ sanskriti by slapping any boy and girl walking together in public. Even if they are a brother and sister duo, slap them hard and make them accept that they are wrong

Randomly shout Anti Kejriwal slogans and when AAP supporters corner you, change the topic and abuse Rahul Gandhi by shouting Pappu joke

And finally, if a Pakistani attacks you in public forums, ask them to go to Pakistan.

- Chronicwriter

Apr 17, 2017

875. Do not say "Don't" for everything

 "Oh baby! Don't climb the stairs. You will fall down"
That was his mother when he was a 2 year old baby

" Ashwin! Don't run fast. You will fall down and bruise your knees"
This was his father when he was 3

" My dear grand son, Don't talk with Rahul. He is from THAT caste"
This was his grand father injecting caste feelings for his 5 year old grand son.

" Ashwin! Don't share your snacks with others. If you share your snacks; you won't become strong"
This was his grand mother teaching him to be selfish

"Don't take Maths Biology. Take Computer Science as specialization in your class 11"
This was his uncle advising him on what career he should choose in his life.

"Don't select that college. They are liberal. Study in this college because they are strict and you will get good marks"
His maternal uncle gives his expert advice on college selection.

"Don't marry her. Her family does not have enough money. Marry Reethu aunty's daughter"
His mom gives him relationship advice.

" Don't have a baby soon. At least postpone it for 3 years"
That was his married friend giving him a lecture on family planning on the day of his marriage.

" Midhun! Don't run fast. You will fall down and bruise your knees"
That is our Ashwin talking to his 3 year old son Midhun.

And history repeats. Most of us can relate with Ashwin.The life that we live is conditioned by people around us. If we have gone through such a conditioning, let us atleast try our level best not to pass this disease to Midhun. 

Allow Midhun to fall, get hurt, fail.
Allow Midhun to choose a path that he wants to trod on
Allow Midhun to be independent.
Allow Midhun to live his life.


874. So I danced and covered "Sway"

Do you have two left legs? And do you think you can never dance? Well, this blog is for you. If you have not listened to the song “Sway”, you should probably listen to the song now. Why am I saying this now? Because, once you listen to the song, the music will flow through your nerves and veins and you would automatically start dancing.

I used to dance like a crazy monkey and my lifestyle in the last few years made me like a robot. I could hardly move to music. I sing a lot and started singing in Smule. A month ago, I decided to record this song “Sway”. It used to be a ball room/ party dance song and it is still the same. When I started to sing this song, I automatically started moving.

This song was written in 1953 as "Quien Sera" by the Mexican bandleader Pablo Beltran Ruiz. Norman Gimbel wrote the English lyrics for the song and Dean Martin recorded it with his voice. Martin sings that when he sways with his dance partner on the dance floor she is all he sees. If you are a salsa dancer, this is the dance you should try out with your dance partner. You can jive to this and even do samba moves to this song. There are so many layers to this song. Check this recording of mine here. The lyrics are added too

The song lyrics for Sway by Norman Gimbel and Dean Martin.

When marimba rhythms start to play, Dance with me, make me sway
Like a lazy ocean hugs the shore, Hold me close, sway me more

Like a flower bending in the breeze, Bend with me, sway with ease
When we dance you have a way with me, Stay with me, sway with me

Other dancers may be on the floor, Dear, but my eyes will see only you
Only you have the magic technique, When we sway I go weak

I can hear the sounds of violins, Long before it begins
Make me thrill as only you know how, Sway me smooth, sway me now

Other dancers may be on the floor, Dear, but my eyes will see only you
Only you have the magic technique, When we sway I go weak

I can hear the sounds of violins, Long before it begins
Make me thrill as only you know how, Sway me smooth, sway me now

Singers who have performed this song are Bobby Rydell, Ben E. King, Michael Bublé, Cliff Richard. Jennifer Lopez recorded it for the 2004 movie Shall We Dance. If you had watched the movie Sexy Beast, with Ben Kingsley and Ray Winston, you would have  heard this song in it. This song still sounds fresh and modern even though it was made over 50 years ago. So if you think you can't dance, just try listening to this song again and again.


Apr 12, 2017

873. My Hercules Rockshox cycle

When I was 11 years old, I asked my parents to buy me a bicycle. They told me that they would buy me a bicycle only if I get first rank in School for three consecutive months. That was their way of saying No to me. So I only had a chance to ride my sister's bicycle. It was a red color BSA SLR. 

What made it worse for me was that it was a ladies bicycle. My classmates would make fun of me when I took that cycle to school. So I decided to get first rank for three consecutive months and make my parents buy me a men's bicycle.

Eventually I succeeded only when I turned 14. My dad kept his word and bought me a double shock absorber cycle( Hercules Rockshox). Back then, owning such a cycle would me that you are cool. But there was a problem. As I was short, it was pretty difficult to ride that cycle. More often, I would sit on the bar and ride the cycle.

That's Pravin and I going to school
Every morning Pravin and I would go together to school in our bicycles. We would race with each other, try riding it without holding the handlebar and try various stunts. After school, we would paint the roads by exploring and navigating through all the streets en-route to our home. I had this cycle even in my college days.

Today, people buy bicycles to exercise. Back then it was our only mode of transport. May be I would buy a cycle someday and start riding it again.

Some of the memories with my cycle include

  • Locking the cycle with a chain lock
  • Skidding the cycle like a boss
  • Paying 50 paisa every week in the bicycle shop to fill air for the tyres
  • Tightening the cycle chain when it gets loose
  • Making noise with the bell
  • Using the right brake for the stopee effect.
  • Actress Devayani has sat on this bicycle once
Because of my short stature, I would literally sit on the bar and ride the cycle and most of the time, the bar played a big part in me lying down and writhing in pain. Even though it hurt the sensitive parts of my body, I would make it a point to ride this cycle, because I loved the cycleDo you have memories with your bicycle?


Apr 10, 2017

872. My Primary School Teacher - Matilda

A couple of days ago, I wrote a blog post about my first mimicry performance in school. In the image used in that Blog, my teacher Matilda can be seen in the background. [link]

And I saw her after 30 years in a Facebook picture. Matilda ma'm. She was my primary school teacher. She was known for discipline and in the 1990s she was in her late 50s and was about to retire. Now she must be in her 80s. She is the same lady who is standing behind me during my first mimicry performance.

I do not know her story. I don't even know her family members. But there is something about her face that made me to write this blog post. A sense of accomplishment or A sigh of relief or happiness or sadness. I seriously don't know what emotion to connect her with for the first photo; but that stance just depicts a lifetime of achievement. The first thing that comes to my mind when I think about her are the following two sentences

Goooooood Mooorrrrnnniiinnnnggggg Misssssss
Good Morning Students! Sit Down

Some of you might just look at the above picture and say "That is a picture of an old lady". For me that is a symbol of someone who has taught hundreds of students who are all settled in different parts of the globe. This blog is just a simple tribute to all the teachers who have spent their time and energy in laying the foundation for our present life. 

Edit: After posting this blog, I realized that Matilda Ma'm is my FB friend Stuart annan's mother. I am glad that I came to know about this now.


Apr 7, 2017

871. Adios from my present workplace

As I clicked the E-resignation button, I was left with mixed thoughts. Flashes and scenes from the last two years of my life at this workplace appeared in front of my eyes. The wonderful boss Smitha who made a huge difference in my life; the vibrant marketing team, my friend Siva who has been an angel in disguise about whom I have no words to express my gratitude - all of those memories flooded my thoughts.

You can't call any place your home. We are all hitchhikers moving on in a journey 

This workplace helped me realize that I can shuffle between two masks effortlessly. The calm-lost-in-thoughts mask and the crazy monkey mask. Sadly the latter mask was used only in a small circle. When the former mask started taking control of my personality, I decided that it was time to move on.

Note to readers: You did not understand the previous paragraph right? Good for me

The lessons have been many. In fact, my present stint has been a life-changer for me and that is why it is hard for me to move away from this place. But life goes on and we all have to keep moving.

Here is a picture of me about to make the job switch.

Where am I moving on? I am going to be driving in the same road; but in a different gear.

A picture from the present workplace, that always makes me laugh is added below. Believe me! I am not sleeping.