Sep 8, 2017

907. He clapped when he died

Robin was an 8-year-old boy studying in class 3. He was the apple of the eye for his parents. He learnt Karate at a very young age and got a black belt when he turned 7. He was literally strong for his puny stature. But underneath all the strength that he carried inside, he was still an innocent child.
His parents showered all their love on him. His mother would play with him every evening when he returned from school. His father was a man of few words. Though he loved his son dearly, he never expressed his love for his son through words.

Robin’s mother was a famous singer in their town. People in the city remembered her as the “Paadagi Mary” (Singer Mary). Mary and Goldina were great friends. They would always sing together in marriage functions, birthday parties, concerts and religious functions. Goldina’s father “Singh” was a respected man in the society. He would take scripture classes for the people in the town and everyone in the town held him in very high regard.

All the children in the locality was very fond of Singh thatha. He will tell them stories and teach them songs. Mary also wanted her son Robin to learn scriptural ethics and songs from Singh thatha. Singh uncle always loved children. He was an amazing story teller. He will always have chocolates in his pockets and the children knew that he would give them chocolates. But Robin felt something strange with Singh thatha’s behaviour.

“Why is Singh thatha making me sit on his lap when no one is around?”
“Why is Singh thatha putting his hands inside my pockets to hold my pee pee?”
“Why does Singh thatha make me to search in his pant pockets when there are no chocolates inside?”

These three questions were in Robin’s head for some time; but he was scared to raise these questions to Singh thatha. He realised that there was something odd about his behaviour with him. But Robin did not even realise that he was sexually abused by this old paedophile who had a good standing in the society.

A few days later Singh thatha was admitted in the hospital. Robin’s parents rushed to the hospital. Goldina was standing out with tears in her eyes. Mary went to her and asked “What happened”. “Doctors are saying that he is sinking” came her reply. All the friends and family members gathered outside the hospital. The news had spread that the spiritual guide of the town is fighting a battle between life and death.

The doctor came out of the ICU and broke the news that Singh thatha had passed away. Everyone started to cry. Mary and her husband had tears in their eyes too. Goldina was inconsolable. Singh thatha had helped many poor families by donating money for them. All of them were there in the hospital too.

Robin was standing next to his mother and suddenly out of nowhere, he started clapping and laughed out loud saying “I am glad that he died”. Everyone around him stopped crying. How could a young 8-year-old boy be so cruel? Goldina also heard what Robin had uttered. She looked at Robin with the expression that said “How can you behave like this when your favorite thatha has just passed away”. 

Mary felt ashamed by her son’s behavior and gave a slap across his face. Robin was not smiling anymore. He had tears in his eyes. Robin really had no clue why he clapped with so much happiness. He never had the understanding that he was sexually abused by that old man who had just died. But he felt relieved that he was no more.

An old man in the crowd tried to calm the situation. He pulled the young boy Robin from his mother’s grasp and made him sit on his lap and asked “Why did you clap like that Robin? Don’t you realise that it is a sad occasion and Goldina aunty has lost her dad. Do you think what you did was right?

Robin gathered all the courage and replied “I don’t know if I was wrong in clapping and laughing. All I know is that Singh thatha won’t make me sit on his lap and put his hands in my pocket and play with my pee pee anymore; nor would he ask me to put my hands inside his pocket to search for a lollipop when he does not have any chocolates inside his pockets.

Everyone understood the reason for Robin’s laughter and slow and steadily the crowd disappeared from the place. Mary realised for the first time that her son had been abused by an uncle whom she held in regards.

Almost two decades went by and when Robin’s little daughter who was just 3 years old came to him and said, ‘Daddy, my teacher taught me the difference between good touch and bad touch’, tears started to roll down his cheeks.

There are many Singh thathas in every family. If your child is uncomfortable with someone, parents should respect the child’s discretion. It is high time that every child is taught the difference between a good touch and a bad touch.

Sep 7, 2017

906. My favorite politician Valarmathi's video

I was binge watching my favorite Politician Valarmathi's videos on Youtube when I came across this particular video. What caught my attention was the title of the video.

Valarmathi Chief Minister Jayalalithaa's granddaughter's name atop the smell video tribute.

The apostrophes in the title are used correctly. So the entire sentence would not be wrong. I realized that there is a much deeper meaning hidden in that sentence.

It could be a code for the future generations.  There are four gentlemen and four soft ladies in the picture. My favorite politician may be rough on the outside. But she is soft like cotton candy on the inside.

Certain codes should not be decoded. The specialty of those codes are that they should remain a mystery.  This title also belongs to such a category. Hence I have decided not to do any research on the code; but just immerse myself in its presence (Aaraiya koodaadhu; Anubavikkanum).

Even if you happen to find the meaning of the sentence, I request you to keep the meaning with yourself. Adichu kooda ketpaanga. Veliyila sollidaadheenga.


Sep 4, 2017

905. Word

Do you want to look like a literary genius on social media platforms? It is simple. All you have to do is find some newspaper cutting. Once you find a news article, just underline some sentence. Take a picture of that news article and post it in social media. 

Make sure to include the caption "WORD" while posting the picture in your social media profile. Adding the caption" WORD" will add value to your post. People will think that you are a genius. Why don't you try this today? 

My friends have tried this on their FB walls and some of them have even gone on to publish books. Yes they are now called as authors. They might have paid some huge amount to publish their books because no traditional publisher came forward to release their book. So What? At least they have a book in their name. 

Remember! It all starts with "WORD".


Aug 28, 2017

904. Oviya, Me and the Gold Ring

This picture is so dear to me. I keep this picture under my pillow and every night before I go to sleep, I peek under the pillow to take a look at this picture. Yes I cry every single time I look at this picture. My pillow becomes wet every night because of the impact this picture creates in my heart.

Why is this picture so close to my heart?

This is the exact place where I broke up with my ex girl friend Oviya. We have spent many days sitting in this exact place. We will hold hands, talk about our future, our kids and our future dog. I still remember that fateful day. It seems like it happened just yesterday. It was raining that evening. I was sitting in this bench waiting for her to come. She had called me up on the phone and wanted to meet me that evening. We had been fighting for one long week before that. So I assumed that she was about to patch up with me.

So I waited in that bench. Can you see the dustbin near that bench? I bought it and donated to this park. In fact I bought 8 dustbins and kept it in the park because I was a fan of our Prathan manthri ji. Though this happened in 2007 and he was not yet the PM of the country, I exactly knew what he was going to do for our country in the future in the name of Swachh Baharath. (Postla logic illanu solluveeyaa?)

I had bought a gold ring for her from Joy Alukkas. It was a perfect setting for a romantic proposal. I had planned to put the ring on her finger. Then I had devised a plan to kiss her and ask her to marry me. So with all these thoughts running in my mind, I was waiting for  Oviya.

Finally at 6 pm, she walked in. She was wearing a Pink Sari. She looked drop dead gorgeous. A tall, dark and handsome guy came along with her. I had not seen him before. She came near me and said "Chriz! Look, you have hurt me with your words. It won't work for us. I am going to marry him. He is my maama paiyan."

He looked at me and smiled. My heart pained. My hand became numb. With a feeble voice, I looked at him and asked " Are you Amrika return?"

He said "Yes"
Thousands of arrows pierced me from every direction. I could not take it any longer. A tear drop escaped my eyelid. She saw it; but she showed no mercy. I even tried overacting by letting a few more ear drops escape through my eye lids. Ava kandukkavey illa. At that exact moment, my bladder also became full. It started to rain. So I used that opportunity. No one knew. She walked away with him. 

I put my hand inside my pocket and took the ring. I looked at it with anger. I went near that lamp (diagonally opposite to the dustbin) and looked around and no one was there. So I dug a small hole and planted the ring under the lamp.

With tears in my eyes and sodium chloride in my wet pants, I walked along the pavement into the sunset.

Note: You can still go to the park and take that ring and donate it to the Government for the prathan mandhiri relief fund. Jai Ho.


Aug 27, 2017

903. Push vs Pull

I am a Tamil guy. I think in Tamil and hence my English is not that good.

When ever I see the word "Pull" written on a door, I always do mental mathematics whether I should push the door or pull the door.

You might ask "Why I do that?"

It might be simple for you.

But for me, it is really tough. Each and every single time, I go through this trauma when I see the approach a door.

I would stall for a moment and 9 out of ten times, do the exact opposite of what the door asks me to do.

This is what I expressed in my Facebook page in Tamil

Enna dhaan IELTS and English grammarla pisthaavaa irundhaalum, oru doorla Pull or Pushnu eludhi irundhuchunaa, andha kadhava ilukkanumaa illana thallanumaanu manasula oru kolappam varumla. Andha kolappathukkula swimming poattu veliyila onnumey nadakaadha maadhiri correcta Pull nu eludhi irukura kadhava appadiyae thallikittu, adhuvum correctudhaanu oru agambaavathula pogum 7 kodi Tamilargalil naanum oruvandhaan
If you are not yet following my FB page, you are not yet living your life to the fullest. So better follow it now. If you are single, you will get married on the 7th day after liking this page:

Follow my FB page [ link]


Aug 25, 2017

902. Who is Ram Rahim?

1) He was one among the top 100 most powerful men in India in 2015 ( Source ). He was the 96th most powerful man in India at that time. MK Stalin was at 95th position and MS Dhoni occupied the 91st position in the list.

2) He has been accused of rape, murder and forced castrations. Yes! He has forcefully cut off the penises ( or the pair beneath them) of many men in the country. He was finally convicted of rape today and may be sentenced to 7 years in prison on Monday.

Edit on Monday: He has been sentenced to 20 years imprisonment.
This is how he entered the court premises today.
3) Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh was born in a Sikh family; but in the year 1990 he was declared as a saint and became the head of a sect called "Dera Sacha Sauda". The sect claims to have more than 60 million followers around the world

4) Haryana state elections in the last ten years relied heavily on Ram Rahim. He helped Congress to win the elections in 2007. In 2014 elections Pradhan Mandhiri Modi ji got the support of Ram Rahim and BJP flourished under his blessings.

5) He gets z+ security cover. His followers have also been taught to conduct suicide attacks. They have killed Sikhs in the past

6) On 13 January 2016, actor Kiku Sharda (who played the character Palak in Comedy Nights with Kapil) was arrested in Mumbai by the Haryana Police for mimicking Singh on his show. Sharda spent 14 days in judicial custody in Kaithal, Haryana. The case was registered on the complaint of Uday Singh, a follower of Dera Sacha Sauda.

7) He has castraded more than 400 men in his sect telling that they would get closer to God by doing so.

8) He has been conferred with many awards in the film industry for his role in films and he has been awarded with many awards by the Government too.

His followers went on a rampage killing many innocent lives after the CBI court sentenced this criminal to 7 years in jail. The court made another verdict that all the damages will be restored using Ram Rahim's personal money from his account.


Aug 24, 2017

901. Say Hi to the Rs 200 currency

So tomorrow RBI will release the Rs 200 currencies. The 200 note is supposed to reduce the burden of the RS 100 note. I am not sure if that would reduce the burden of the Rs 100 note. But it sure would reduce the burden of all the cops who would stop bikes and demand Rs 100 from the bike riders. From now on they can ask them to give Rs 200. I like these cops. They are not too greedy. They don't demand Rs 500 or Rs 2000 notes. They are happy with Rs 100. 

The big thoppai cop near AMBIT Ambattur once stopped my car because I was not wearing my seat belt. When he asked for bribe, I told him I would rather pay the fine. He finally settled for Rs 10 from which he bought one tea and pocketed the remaining Rs.3 in his pocket. 

The Rs 200 note will yet again have the father of our Nation- Mahatma Gandhi. It becomes boring to see the same face again and again. We should have our respected honorable Pradhan Mandhri Narendra Modiji's picture on our currency notes from here on. I would have also been happy if IlayaThalapathy Vijay Anna's picture was printed on the currency notes.

Sleep cell sources also revealed that there is a green thread that runs through the center, which will turn into blue when the note is tilted. This can be used by all the guys to put soora mokkai magic tricks to attract women in colleges and in work places.

The highlight of the currency note is its backside. The backside of the note does not have Gandhi's backside. Instead the motif of Sanchi occupies the backside of the 200 Rupee note. Sanchi Stupa is one of the seven wonders of India. Originally built by Asoka in 3rd century BC, this monument can single handedly teach us a lesson or two from our history.

Our National emblem- Ashoka Pillar (The four lions) is found in this site. The fourth Lion is none other than Captain Vijaykanth (Raghuvaran confirms this in the film Narasimha).

The backside of the Rs 200 note will also have Swachh Bharat logo. This is Modiji's master stroke; because of the  "VARALAARU ROMBA MUKKIYAM AMAICHAREY" fact. 

Other famous personalities whose images could have been used in the Rs 200 currency are

1) Rohit Sharma - for scoring two double hundreds. But his failure to land his bat while running between the wickets acted against him and he was rejected.

2) Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar - for becoming the first man to score a 200. May be his poor attendance in Rajya Sabha acted against his inclusion.

3) Sunny Leone - for single handedly pulling a 200 thousand crowd in Kerala with a cameo appearance to the state.

Illuminati experts might bring in some new concepts and will find some triangle, an eye and a cat symbol somewhere in this currency and would soon spread some conspiracy theories. So be prepared to have a good laugh.

- Chronicwriter.

Aug 22, 2017

900. When Sachin Tendulkar crashed Cricinfo servers

Did Cricinfo servers crash when Sachin Tendulkar was reaching 200 runs in the 2010 match?

Yes, I was in Singapore at that time and I could not watch the match live. I was following Cricinfo. By the end of the 48th over, Sachin had reached 199 runs.

When the 49th over started, Dhoni was on strike. Dhoni faced all the balls and even though he clubbed Steyn for two sixes and one four, we were all not happy with Dhoni because we wanted Sachin to score that all important one run. To add salt to the injury, Dhoni took a single off the last ball of that over. That meant that he would face the first ball of the last over.

49.1 over - Dhoni scored a six. For the first time, the whole of India was cursing captain Dhoni when he scored a six.
49.2 Finally Dhoni takes a single
49.3 Cricinfo servers crashed. We did not know what was happening. Then I opened Twitter and I saw a Tweet which read “ I love you Thalaivaaaaaaaaaa” and that is how I understood that he scored a double century. Cricinfo was back in action after 5 minutes.

The little master drove 45 million page views to the site and his knock crossed the on-field boundary and crashed the online sites that day.

What is so special about this post? This is my 900th post and this answer of mine on Quora garnered 1 Lakh views and 7000 votes. (That is some feat I am proud of)


Aug 17, 2017

899. Say Hello to the band - Nameless

The journey started a year ago. Me and a group of friends joined together and jammed some songs and sang at a friend's wedding exactly a year ago. We sang some old classics and the father of the groom came and asked us "So what is the name of your band?".

We stared at each other and thought to ourselves " Naaiku soru vachom; peru vaikkalaiyae" (We have done all the practice; but failed to even give a name for ourselves). Telfi (Simeon Telfer) immediately said " Engalukku Per illa" (We don't have a name). We laughed and continued playing. And that is how we got our name "Nameless". This is the picture of the band taken at that time.

I should talk about Telfi here. He is a prodigy and he will make it big. He plays super cool riffs and is a treat to watch. He also plays for Santosh Narayanan and has played strings for many movies. Then we have Beethoven, who composes music for our band. He is calm and speaks less and is the kind of person who lets his music do all the talking. 

Shobi Ashika! The Opera princess and a voice that can reach and hit extreme registers is the lead female vocalist of the band. She is the one in the center in the above picture. Immi plays the Cajon and bass and he is the latest member of the band.  We also have Seraph (My little sister) with whom I have been singing for almost 20 years. She is a good in covering some huge songs. Then we also have Cliffy (a soulful singer) and Siraj ( A rapper and an ex member of the band Hip Hop Tamila).

Our love for covering classics has made us to come together to perform at Aegam Decor Cafe. This is a one of a kind cafe in Chennai and one has to visit the cafe to experience the architectural beauty of this place. 

So the band "Nameless" will be performing western songs from various decades. If you are a lover of old songs and if you like Paul Anka, Engelbert Humberdinck, Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, Etta James, Dolly Parton, Neil Sedaka, Carpenters and the likes, may be you should come and encourage us as we perform at Aegam on Saturday the 19th of August 2017 at 6:30 pm.

Click the "The FB event invite page" and confirm your attendance. We will be making some important announcement there.

Nameless band does not have any social media pages. We will have our page when we release our first single :)

- Chronicwriter

Aug 15, 2017

898. A trip to Crocodile bank in my Big red machine

I recently became a member of the Renault family by buying a Renault Lodgy MUV. After driving a Maruti Alto for 6 years, when I finally started driving a 8 seater, it feels so different. When I make turns at intersections, I am extra careful because of the thought that there is an entire row of seats at the back of the car.

The reason why I love Lodgy is, even though it is a big car, it does not make me look small inside it. Being a shorty, SUVs usually look huge. When I was contemplating on buying a SUV, my friend reminded me of the Vadivelu comedy in Pokkiri movie where a short guy drives a lorry.

My daughter Anya literally slept inside the car when I first brought it home. Today we decided to go as a family to crocodile bank ( A park which houses 2000 crocodiles). A long drive in the ECR calls for a mandatory click near Muttukadu. Many people were getting out of their cars to click photos and I followed suit.

And we resumed our journey to crocodile bank. Anya was excited to see members of the Lizard family. But what caught her attention was the selfie wall where some artist had painted pictures of crawlies on the wall. At first she was scared of the image of the crocodile that protruded through the wall. 

Finally we saw all the Lizards. Some of them were too lazy to even move an inch. We also were lucky to see the largest crocodile in captivity. 

That is the big guy who is 6 meters long.

Crocodile bank is definitely worth your time if you are in ECR.

Time spent : 45 minutes

Now Anya wants to adopt a crocodile as a pet.

- Chronicwriter

Aug 11, 2017

897. Do you know why Dhoni knelt and kept wickets during the India Vs Pakistan bowl out in T20 WC 2007?

India went on to the bowl out with bowlers who had maximum stump hit rate while bowling in the nets. If you had watched the match, you would know that Indian bowlers Sehwag, Harbajjan and Robin Uthappa hit the stumps where as the Pakistan bowlers Arafat, Umar Gul, and Afridi missed hitting the stumps.
We all go gaga over the accuracy of the Indian bowlers. I believe Dhoni played a much bigger part in helping them hit the stumps.
  1. Dhoni kneels behind the stumps and positions himself in such a manner that his shoulder frame exactly fits behind the stump frame. So the bowler has to just see Dhoni and bowl at him. This improves the accuracy level of the bowler and gives him the extra confidence when he bowls

Nothing to take away from the bowlers; but my man of that match was definitely Captain Cool- Dhoni. To read my answer full answer  in Quora, please click here [link]


Aug 1, 2017

896. Miss Sophie

She was my 3rd standard craft teacher in school. She had a long nose, looked beautiful, was always neatly draped in a saree, but when she was angry we would all literally pee in our shorts. Shabir has once pooped once when she got angry with him. She oozed terror out of her every facial expression.

When she gets angry she would scream like a cat suffering from constipation. She would always walk around with a wooden ruler. She might have been a psycho and if she had been a teacher in the present day education system, she would have been definitely arrested and put behind bars.

During the craft period, she would draw some scenery on the blackboard and ask us to copy that in our craft notebooks. I am a pathetic artist. The only scenery that I can draw is a mountain, sun, coconut tree, crows, and a hut. Biswa Kalyan Rath was right when he explained about this in his standup routine.

One day she drew the map outline of India and asked us to draw it in our notebook. My Indian map looked as if India had been badly defeated in a war that was conspired by Pakistan, China, SriLanka and Burma. She got angry. She asked me to stretch out my hand and raised her hand to beat me. Three lashes on my hand. My eyes welled up. She did not stop there. She asked me to turn my hand and show my knuckles. Again three more times the ruler whacked my knuckles. Yes I did cry. Those were the days when the parents would tell the teachers to beat the children if they misbehaved. And Ms Sophie misused that privilege that was given to her by parents and the school management. I am not against punishments; but when I think about my childhood, I can understand that almost all my teachers had been abusers. Miss Sophie topped this list.

What makes me believe that she is a psycho is the fact that she used to smile after beating the students. Any teacher, even if she punishes a student will do it out of love for the child. But Sophie was different. She loved to see us cry. And if we did not cry, she would make sure to beat us till we cried.

To make matters worse, she was always the stand by teacher. When any teacher was absent, she would be the teacher who would come to our class. So we would always pray and wish that no other teacher gets absent.

One day, when she was in our class, another teacher called her out. Miss Sophie left her wooden ruler on the table and left the class. I used that opportunity to spring into action and throw the ruler out of the window. When she came back to our class she searched frantically for the ruler and when she could not find it, she screamed in a loud voice "WHO TOOK THE RULER?". That was it. Almost all of us peed in our shorts. Shabir immediately stood up and said "Miss, Chriz took the ruler and threw it out of the window". She got the ruler back and massaged my knuckles, bum, ankles, shoulders and my thighs with the ruler.
Result: Three days leave from school
You might think that my parents were silent on this issue. But that was our generation and the present day kids will not understand the logic behind this.

Note: Sophie was not her real name. I used the name Sophie because I am still scared of her. What if she comes home with a wooden ruler?


Jul 27, 2017

895. Dr. Vandavasi Murugan- A genius mind from India

Srinivasa Ramanujam, CV Raman, APJ Abdul Kalam, Vikram Sarabhai, CN Rao, Kalpana Chawla are some scientists who are at the top of my mind when I think of Indian Scientists. These people have made India proud in the global scene.
But how many of you know about Dr. Vandhavasi Murugan who is one of the greatest minds the world has ever seen? 

If not for Time Magazine, none of us would have come to know of him. Vandavasi is a small municipality in Thiruvannamalai district in Tamilnadu. In the year 1916 Murugan was born. He was a bright mind who was never understood by his parents. When he was 8 years old, he started solving advanced quantum physics problems. His teachers in the Government school had no clue on his analytical mind. 

When he was in class 5, he had to drop out of school because of poverty in the family. At a time when Artificial Intelligence was a term that was unheard of, Murugan started talking about it with his friends. No one took a 12 year boy seriously. His uncle adopted him and soon Murugan came to Chennai and settled with him. 

From running errands and selling wheat he started helping his neighbors and earned money. A British General Manning Lloyd started noticing Murugan's hard work and came forward to teach him English. Within a month Murugan started conversing in English. Manning understood that this young boy was special and with the help of his friend Dr Wilkins from Cambridge University, he realized that Murugan had an IQ of 245 which was even more than that of Albert Einstein. With the guidance of Dr.Wilkins Murugan compiled a thesis on cloud computing which after many decades has become the driving force in the computer world. 

How could a human being even think of such things at a time when computer was not even a figment of thought for mankind? The Britishers soon realized that Murugan's thought process was way ahead of time and started mocking his writings. After being labeled as a lunatic, Murugan landed in India in the year 1942. Soon he was diagnosed with Malaria and he died in the summer of 1946. A brilliant mind was nipped in the bud at a tender age of 30.  

Time Magazine has recognized him as the top 30 scientists of all time. He is the only Indian to be featured in the list. We should all be proud of  Dr.Vandavasi Murugan. The people in the below picture are the top 30 scientists of all time.

His mother used to call him VanduMurugan.


Jul 26, 2017

894. Pinja Pal Mam said "Good"

So it was "dress up like a working professional" day for Anya at School last Monday. She came to me and said that she had to go to school wearing a doctor's dress. So the night before that (Sunday) I rushed to the near by shop and bought a white lab coat for children. We wrote some lines for her to speak too.

She was told to go to the front and say "I am Doctor Anya". Then she was supposed to walk up to her class teacher and say "How are you?". And then she was taught to use her stethoscope to check her Ma'm.

Joan: What if the teacher says that she is fine? Should Anya still check her with a stethoscope
Me: Yes. She should; because the patient sometimes will not know that they are not fine. So it is the doctor's duty to check her even if the patient says that she is fine

Then we taught Anya to scribble "two tablets" in a post-it note. To make it more authentic, we asked Anya to scribble some gibberish in the paper. Then we handed over a box of tic tac and told her to give two tic tacs ( tablets) to her mam. The next moment Anya started practicing her Doctor skills on me, my wife, grandpa and grandmother.

The pencil was placed at the top left pocket
The post-it note pad was placed in the bottom left pocket
The tic tac box was placed in the bottom right pocket

After a few practice routines, Anya started behaving like a doctor itself. When we were not noticing her, she even ate some tic tac sweet pellets. The next day morning she woke up early and soon got dressed up as a doctor.

When she arrived at school, her classmates were in different attire. Some were cops, some were nurses, some were teachers and there were many doctors. Anya even had a face mask to appear like a professional doctor. The kids started talking with each other and before Anya could react, the kids found the tic tac box in her pocket and they asked her to give them one each. Being the generous girl she is, Anya started distributing tic tac pellets to her friends and soon it was over.

Her time to speak in front of the mic came and Anya did her job. The tablets were not there to give. So she left that part. A few teachers had congratulated her it seems. When I met her in the evening she said "Appa Pinja Pal mam said that I did good". I was shocked. Pinja pal in tamil means "Torn Tooth". One of her teachers had lost her teeth and I thought Anya was making fun of her. 

I decided to counsel her not to refer to her teacher that way and when I approached her to advice her, my wife stopped me on my tracks and said "Do you know who Pinja Pal mam is?". I told her that I was not sure. 

"She is not making fun of any ma'm. She is just saying that Principal ma'm congratulated her. So please don't jump the gun".
 Note: I have the practice session talk captured on video. I shall upload it soon.


Jul 21, 2017

893. In the end it does not even matter...

In the year 2007, our  band performed the song "In the end". I saw the video more than 100 times to imitate each and every single body language of Chester Bennington before singing this song with my band. We fumbled on stage. 

He committed suicide early today and I felt numb listening to his songs this morning after realizing that he is gone. His song “In the end” used to be on the song list of every college band in India in the early 2000s. He never came out of his drug addiction or his depression. But what is so hard to digest is the fact that he was a performer of a totally different level, with a huge fan following and everything seemingly was going right for him. But still he was highly depressed in life.

No one understood what he was actually going through in his life. And suddenly he is gone. Anyone can commit suicide and everyone at some point of time might have contemplated suicide. If you are in a Corporate environment and if you are reading this now, just read the following lines carefully. It will be of great help to you because workplace suicides are on the rise.

Most suicidal individuals give warning signs about their suicidal intentions like talking about killing or dying, writing poems on death, buying harmful elements, settling will, giving away prized possessions, calling their friends & colleagues and suddenly saying good bye and many more. A suicidal person will lose interest in day-to-day activities and show big changes in eating or sleeping habits too. There are many more warning signs that you can spot.

The best way to help someone like them is to find these warning signs and have the ability to respond to them once you spot it. You can play a vital role by pointing a suicidal person to a doctor or a psychologist if needed. The next time, you see a series of depressing messages from someone on Facebook or any other social media channel, make sure that you are there for them to take them out of their depression. Be that friend you always wanted to have for yourself.

I am running this blog all these years for this one sole purpose - that is to put a smile on people's faces. It gives me a great sense of happiness to know that people smile even if the blog has poorest of poor jokes. Just go ahead and make someone smile today. 


Jul 12, 2017

892. How did Kohli become the captain of Indian cricket team? Truth revealed

Virat Kohli, the captain of the India cricket team has two brothers and one sister. Vikash Kohli, Dharmesh Kohli and Bhavana Kohli are their names respectively. Dharmesh and Virat are twins.

When they were young, the siblings got along well. But as they grew up, Virat kohli fell into bad company and started abusing everyone using MC and BC words. The siblings did not like it at all, especially Dharmesh Kohli could not tolerate being called MC at all. 

Virat did not realize that by using such cuss words against his own brother, he was actually cursing his own mother and sister. Dharmesh tried his level best to advice Virat not to use such words. Matters got worse when Virat joined the Indian cricket team. The abuses increased multi-fold. Dharmesh decided to leave the house and with great difficulty he fled to America and changed his name to Dominic Cooper.

After changing his name to Dominic Cooper, he got some movie offers and infact got an opportunity to act in Captain America as Howard Stark. When Virat came to know of this, he went to captain Dhoni and said "My brother has become a part of Captain America. So please hang your gloves. I want to become Captain India". The next moment, Dhoni announced his retirement from test cricket and handed over the captaincy to Virat Kohli. And that is how Virat became the captain of the Indian cricket team. To look different, Virat Kohli asked his hairdresser to put two line marks on his head.

If you find it difficult to believe this true story. you got to see this picture. Now you will believe me for sure.

- Chronicwriter

Jul 11, 2017

891. The fart that wasn't mine

Every body does it every single day of their lives. But no body accepts it. I am talking about farts. People will accept any crime in the world; but they won't admit to farting even if they had let out one. I am not like others. Even today, when I fart, I admit it because I don't like someone else owning my fart. The air that went out was a part of me just a moment ago and how could I disown something that was a part of me. Many people are cruel as they disown a part of their legacy by not owning up their farts.

Till I turned ten, I had the habit of letting out loud farts. I never tried adjusting my muscle to silence it. When air went out, it always came out with a bang. Be it the scooter or the bullet or even a bijili vedi, it always came out with a sound. I was totally against silent farting. But one incident changed my attitude towards farting for ever and scarred me for life. This blog post is about that incident.

When I was in class 5, I used to sit next to Minu. Renu sat in the second row in class. In each bench, two students sat together. Minu liked me; but my heart always longed for Renu. I remember that day even now. It was maths class. Beulah ma'm was teaching us basics of trigonometry. I could sense the bench vibrate at a higher frequency and I immediately realized Minu had let out a silent fart. I did not know till then how to let out a silent fart. She was an expert in that art. She acted as if she was listening to the lecture.

Seconds later Beulah ma'm gave a yukky reaction and said "Now who is that?". The smell filled the room. Minu might have eaten cauliflower fry. When ever I farted, I would say"Guys! That is me". I took pride in letting everyone know that I had imparted a part of me in the class room. But on that particular day, I did not own it up because it was not mine. Minu also reacted as if she did not know who let that fart out. She even looked at me and said "Yew! Was that you?"

I could not bear it. How could I ever own up someone else's fart?. How could she lie like that? Why is she ashamed to own her own fart? All these questions were running in my head. No one were ready to believe me. Even Renu gave me a doubting stare. That literally broke my tiny ten year old heart. Here I was torn between a false accusation and a doubtful stare from the lady of my life. I could not keep quiet after all the pressure I was being forced into. 

I stood up and screamed in a loud voice "That was not me! That was Minu. I don't fart silently and I fart out loud"
The class was silent for the next few seconds. Beulah ma'm got angry with me because I screamed in the class. She asked me to leave the class immediately. I slowly got up and started to make my way out. At that moment, I decided to teach them a lesson. So I gathered all courage and strength, that was ably supported by my intestine muscles and let out a loud fart. 

I turned around and said "If I fart, this is how I fart. And this fart is different from the previous one. You will know the difference in no time". 

Soon my class mates realized that the earlier fart did not belong to me because the loud one that I just released from captivity had a potato flavor. But Minu had a straight face and acted as if she knew nothing. She could have gone on to become a world famous for her acting skills. But she is now working in an IT firm as a project director. I met her at a recent alumni meet. We even had a conversation while we were having buffet dinner. The biriyani that we ate had too much of mint flavor. May be she is using this patch these days.

Click here to read a blog post that I wrote on the different types of farts [link].

You can also click this [link] to read funny incidents and fun facts on farting


890. Bloopers from my home recording videos

I do lot of home video recordings. Those recording sessions are filled with fun, laughter, tamasha and loads and loads of mistakes and retakes. Here I present some of the bloopers from my home recording that I did in the last one month.

If you wanna join me for some home recording jam session, just message me. I will be more than happy to record some bloopers ;)

- Chronicwriter

Jul 4, 2017

889. Weird things I did as a child

When we grow up we understand certain things in life. This is not applicable to those who fight for matters holding on to opinions even when they do not know what they are talking about.

When I was a child, I did not have a proper understanding of various realities in life. I know many of you might also fall under the same category as mine. Well! I remained innocent for quite a longer period of time.
I believed that medical practitioners would never die.
When Doctor Jayakar uncle (Nagercoil) passed away, I ran to my mom and asked "How did he die?"  because I was under the belief that doctors would never die.
I thought all animals were male and all birds were female
Till I turned ten, I believed that all birds were girls and all animals were boys. One day, I saw the bum of two dogs affixed to each other. My little tender heart felt sorry for them. I thought my naught neighbour Aravind might have applied fevicol on the bum of those two dogs and left them in the open. I called Aravind's mom and complained to her that her son had done a great crime to two dogs. She came with me and saw the two dogs in a compromising situation. She immediately closed her eyes and ran inside. I was angry with her for many days that she had blindly supported her son.
I thought cricket players were inside the TV. 
I used to go behind the TV box to check what they were doing between the overs when commercials were being telecasted. During the world 1992 world cup, India was playing against Zimbabwe. Kapil Dev opened the batting for India and blasted a huge six. I ran behind the TV to search for the ball.
I thought chocolate was made from cowdung. 
I knew that cows gave milk. I assumed that the chocolate flavoured milk was because of cow shitting while being milked. I had an aversion towards Bournvita and Boost because of this.
Johnson's baby oil was made from baby urine.
I was under the assumption that Johnson's baby oil was made out of baby urine. Infact I used to collect my own urine in small bottles and take it my class. Once I applied it on Shabir and told him that it was good for his health. He did not know that I had applied pee on him. He thought it was Johnson's baby oil. No one knew why our class room had urine smell.
I used to think that If a man and woman exchanged a handshake, they will get a baby. 
This made me to avoid shaking hands with girls or even holding their hands till I was in class 5. But I always wanted to shake hands with Renu and even succeeded shaking her hands when I was in class 3. When she did not come to school the next day, my friend Anwar teased me saying that Renu had become pregnant and I was responsible for that. I was terrified because I was not mentally prepared to become a father.  I was relieved when she did not deliver a baby after ten months. I even gave her an extra two months grace period. My poor marks in class 3 and 4 was because of this mental trauma.
I peed inside the movie hall while watching Jurassic park. 
Two dinosaurs will be chasing two little children in a particular scene and one of those dinosaurs would jump in an attempt to bite the boy's leg. It was at that exact moment, I felt a warmth in my shorts. No one else knew that I had peed in the movie hall. By the time the movie ended, my shorts was dry too.


Jun 20, 2017

888. Tango with Renu

Most of you would know that Renu was the first love of my life. I fell in love with her when I first saw here in my Kindergarten class. She had this amazing cute smile which floored me the very first time I saw her. My first love letter was written to her. 

Representative Image

Read my first love letter to Renu [link]

Days went by and we finally had to part our ways and Renu is now the mother of two and she has not given my name to her children. That has caused deep hurt in my heart even now. This blog post is about my first dance with Renu.

When we were in class 4, eight of us were selected by our class teacher Beulah mam to be a part of the dance group for the school day function.

Boys : Shabir, Arun, Deepak and Me
Girls: Minu, Anisha, Divya and Renu

Arun and Deepak knew that I was in love with her; so they agreed to partner with Anisha and Divya respectively. So it was Shabir and I fighting to be Renu's partner. Shabir was my villain during my school days. I will elaborately write about this in my forthcoming book (I have been telling that I will publish this book for the last ten years. I will do it soon). 

Minu was a pretty girl; but my love for Renu did not allow my conscience to be paired with anyone else other than Renu. Our class teacher Beulah noticed this and decided to choose partners by lots. Unfortunately for me Shabir and Renu became the pair and I had to partner with Minu.

The song selected for us was "Billy Jean by MJ". The boys were supposed to do a spin and the famed moonwalk. Arun and I were natural dancers and we learnt to slide in no time. Deepak on the other hand performed the moonwalk as though he was suffering from constipation. Shabir slided as if he had piles. That gave me hope. I was hoping that Renu would hate his dance style and would automatically ask to be paired with me. But she did not show any sign that she was interested to dance with me. May be she was showing too much attitude and throwing the "I am not easy to get" game.

Our practice sessions went on for two weeks. I was literally angry to see Shabir dancing with the love of my school days. Though I would be holding Minu's hands, my heart and eyes were on Renu. Minu noticed this and got irritated. One week before the school day function, Minu fell ill with typhoid and she had to pull out of the dance group. I was shocked because now I was the only one in the group without a dance partner. 

Beulah mam still asked me to dance without the partner. Shabir started mocking me with his giggles. I was literally crying inside. I even decided to quit school and stay at home. But I knew if I had did that, my mom would beat me with the dosa spoon. I literally cried every night and wet my pillow that week. As I had the habit of bed wetting, my parents would be confused how on earth the pillows got wet. They thought that I was doing a 360 degree spin in my bed while sleeping.

On the day of our performance, Renu got chicken pox. That was the happiest day of my life. I was happy because Shabir also lost his partner. But Deepak gave me a mild heart attack when he said that Beulah mam might pair me up with Shabir. That was the last thing that I wanted in my life. My little 9 year old heart could not bear that much pain. 

Beulah mam called the dance group to the staff room and said " Chriz and Shabir, you both don't have partners; but you guys have practiced real hard. So you guys can still dance. You can dance for the solo movements; but for all the movements that involve dancing with your partners, you both will be just standing there with pom poms and do our drill steps". And that is what happened on stage. Shabir and I were swatting mosquitoes and flies with pom poms and did a couple of solo movements (spin and moonwalk). I was sad, angry, mad and happy at the same time. If you had been in my position you would understand what I am talking about.


Jun 18, 2017

887. How to lose a friend in few seconds

Almost all of us have 1000 or 2000 friends on FB. After a point of time, we might have the thought to unfriend some of them. But many of us would be contemplating how to do that without hurting the other person. This is a simple tip that you can follow to unfriend someone without hurting the other person. In fact that person would be the one who would be unfriending you.

Please save this photo in your computer/ mobile phone. There are lot of children who suddenly become their father's favorite child today. They will update super sentimental "Father's day" posts today. Spoil their day by posting this image as a comment for their father's days status message.

Note: If they unfriend you, compeinee poruppu aerkkaadhu

By the way, this is my FB status message for the occasion. It is in Tamil.

புள்ள குட்டிகள பெத்து விட்டா மட்டும் போதாது. அவங்களுக்கு நல்ல அப்பாவா இருக்கணும். கட்டுன பொஞ்சாதிக்கு உண்மையா இருக்கனும்.அப்படி வாழந்து கொண்டிருக்கும் ஆம்பளைங்களுக்கு மட்டும் "Happy Father's day". மிச்சம் இருக்கிற எல்லா பயலும் ஓடிடு 

Jun 15, 2017

886. When India hammered Bangladesh

This picture encapsulates the performance of the Bangladesh cricket team against India in the semifinals of the champions Trophy. The team is quiet good, but India plays against them like a wounded lion and thrashes them every time they face Bangladesh in an ICC tournament. One of the major reason is the shock the Indians suffered in the hands of the Bangladesh cricket team in the 2007 world cup.

Bangladesh was lucky to get so far in the Champions trophy. They got to the semifinals because of rain. Australia was extremely unlucky to get knocked out of the tournament without even playing one full match. It was the rain which took the Bangladesh team to the semifinals. Unfortunately for them, it did not rain when they faced India in the semifinals.

Bangladesh team's performance reminds me of the "rain flies" which appear when ever there is a rain. Once sun comes out, they disappear

India just knocked them with brutal force. Sunil Gavaskar was sarcastical in his tweet

The Bangladesh fans who usually show their might with their Photoshop skills were shell shocked when Rohit and Kohli molested their bowlers all around the park.

Before the match, these Photoshop fellows created an image in which a Bangladesh flag draped tiger was seen pouncing on an Indian flag draped dog. I hope they at least learn their lesson not to jump the gun and celebrate before a win. Mushfiqur Rahman learnt this lesson the hard way in the 2016 T20 world cup when he tried to celebrate too early. The following picture is India's response to their Photoshop act

Mean while Indian cricket fans have also started creating Photoshop images to play mind games with the Pakistan team.

If you say "Are not the Indians arrogant by creating images like this? How different are they from the Bangladesh fans?", the answer is simple. We know how Pakistan performs against India in ICC tournaments. We believe in the pacha sattai.

But I strongly believe that Kohli did not use his bowling options well today. He should have given one more over to Pandya. That would have given him an opportunity to complete his century.


Jun 7, 2017

885. The curious case of Mr.IIT

It was the summer of 2004. I had joined a two year MBA course in Rajagiri School of Management. It was a great Business Management institution in Kerala. I had joined MBA after a one year gap after my Engineering. When I joined that college, for one whole month I was the only guy in my batch who had come from TamilNadu. 

During my first day in college, everyone of us were trying our level best to make a good impression. The boys were out to impress the girls. Anterson introduced himself as a rock singer. Joseph Pius Alapatt introduced himself as the royal heir of the Alapatt family. I introduced myself as a dancer and a guitarist. But this guy silenced us all with his introduction.

He went to the stage and said "My name is Midhun Raj. I have done my bachelors degree from IIT Madras. I am a Yoga practitioner and a body builder". That was it. He had all the girls swooning for him with that introduction. 

What else would girls want? Here was a guy who was an IIT product and had a great body. He was the ultimate answer to the brain and brawn question. To add salt to our injury, this guy had an amazing sense of humor too. The girls went gaga over him.

In the first month of our MBA course, we were taken for a rural camp. IIT (that became his nick name and we even address him that way even now) became the physical instructor for us in that camp. He will make us do all sorts of exercises and the girls just followed his instructions like a crowd mesmerized by a magician.

During the end of the first semester, we figured out that he was not an IIT product and that he had graduated from a local college near Chennai (Sriperumputhur I guess) and that was it. The boys were waiting for this opportunity and we all lunged on him and exposed this news to the girls. But still many girls still believed him.

IIT was a great character. He will never ever get angry. You can cross all boundaries and limits and tease him. But he won't get angry at all. That is one character that everyone can learn from him. He encouraged all of us to hit the gym and lift weights. I have a bone laden body and hence I always avoided lifting weights. I would do all exercises that kept me fit. IIT and Anterson on the other hand would lift heavy weights. Joseph Pius would just swim around and share philosophical one liners.
Anterson developing his wings. IIT and me posing for the picture and all of us in the Jacuzzi
The following video symbolizes the friendship IIT and I share. During one of our bachelor parties, IIT as always flexes his muscles for the camera and I tried to do the one hand stand. But I lost my balance and ended up kicking his face. He should have got angry. But he did not. He just laughed and moved on. He must be still having the scar under his eye.

One girl from our batch is still crazy about IIT. She has named her son Midhun. 

- Chronicwriter

Jun 6, 2017

884. Nurse Nancy and the dog's kidney

Bottom Row: L-R: Jaffer, Richard, Prakash, Me.
Top row: L-R: Nagalingam, Praveen, Krishna, Megil.

This was the skit crew during my 12th standard (1999). When everyone were busy preparing for their public exams, we were busy practicing for a skit performance for our annual day function.

The Story: Jaffer goes to a doctor with a problem in his tummy. The doctor finds out that he needs a kidney transplant. As no one comes forward to donate a kidney to him, the doctor decides to take his pet dog's kidney and perform a transplant for Jaffer. I was the pet dog. We had a glamorous nurse (Richard) in the play too. Everyone would try to hit on her. But no one would get her. In the end, Jaffer would turn into a dog and behave like a dog.

Yes, that was our story. That was the epic marana mokka script that we came up with and we had double entendre throughout the script.

I seriously have no idea how Prakash became a part of the script. He just wanted to be around Richard all the time and hence he was roped into the team. Prakash acted as a patient suffering from cough. The doctor would write "vicks" on a piece of paper and hand it over to Prakash. Prakash would eat it and leave the place. 

This scene was later introduced in a tamil movie " Pennin Manathai thottu". Our mokkai jokes were copied in mainline cinema too.

I was selected as the dog, because I could bark well, and behave like a dog too. I would jump up and down everywhere, wag my butt and even lift my legs to pee. I was a male dog and not a bitch.

How ever the main attraction of the skit was Richard. To add glamour to his image, we placed balloons inside his shirt to boost his self confidence. On the day of the event, Prakash pricked the balloon just before we entered the stage. Richard's glamour quotient went down by a large margin. Immediately Krishna gave two coconut shells to Richard and Richard became more glamorous than before. His onstage name was Nurse Nancy. Our classmate Hafeesa gave voice for Richard from backstage.

The skit was supposed to end with Jaffer barking like a dog and leaving the stage. We practiced it to perfection. But Jaffer had other ideas. Before entering the stage, he strategically placed a water bottle and a straw in his pants and he decided to raise his legs and at the same time press the bottle so as to make it appear as though he is peeing at the audience. Unfortunately on that day, our Principal was sitting in the front row and he was subjected to water abhishegam.