Sunday, December 31, 2017

924. The year 2017 is just like this underwear

Nine years ago, a reader of this blog, lost his underwear on this blog. I immediately wrote a warning post to my readers not to be careless while reading my blog. 

Today on the last day of 2017, someone again lost their underwear on my blog. It looks as though the underwear has been used by its owner for more than a decade.

Except for the elastic band that reveals that the owner loves the brand " Crocodile", the remaining part of the underwear looks as if it had gone through some severe torture.

Maybe, this is a new fashion like the torn jean trousers that many youngsters wear these days. Hence I should not be making fun of this underwear's current form. 

I request my readers to tag the owner of this underwear in the comments section to make sure that it reaches its rightful owner just in time so that he can enjoy the new year with his underwear.

I wish all my readers a happy and prosperous new year. Don't forget to tag the owner of the underwear in the comments section

Click this [link] to read about the lost and found post that I wrote nine years ago


Thursday, December 21, 2017

923. Greatest Bakery Plum cake

This place used to be the pride of Nagercoil. Greatest Bakery is the name of the place and you get the best plum cakes in the southern part of the country in this bakery. I have tasted plum cakes from this bakery for the last  4 decades and believe me when I tell this - I long for December to just have a bite of the plum cake.

Nowadays the old taste is not there. Still, the bakery is known for its plum cakes. In the year 2006, my friend Martina came home to celebrate Christmas with us. 

When I started talking about Greatest bakery, she told that she was an expert in making plum cakes. That year, I decided to try the cakes she baked. 

So she went into the kitchen and started baking plum cakes. Everything was going well. But when she took a bottle of rum from her suitcase and frisked it into the kitchen, I followed her into the kitchen and confronted her. 

She convinced me saying that the rum she was gonna add to the cake is her secret ingredient. Since she spoke like an expert, I left the kitchen with hopes of tasting the best plum cake I had ever tasted.  

That evening, when she brought a tray full of plum cakes, my mouth watered and I readily grabbed a couple of cake slices and before my parents could even take a piece, I ate them. 

The cake tasted like idli dipped in honey and tomato sauce. Within a few minutes, I was dizzy and my eyes automatically shut.

When I opened my eyes, it was the next day afternoon. Apparently, the cake intoxicated me and I was sloshed for more than a day. Martina was nowhere to be seen. 
"Party escape"
This year, when my wife told me that she was gonna bake plum cakes, I told her that I was not taking any risks. I am going to have my plum cake fro Greatest Bakery.

In the meantime, Martina has started a cookery blog and also has an FB page. I am not sure how many people she is gonna intoxicate this year.

- Chronicwriter

Note: I am not gonna reveal Martina's original name as she has invited me to her home for dinner. I don't want her to poison me yet again.

Thursday, December 14, 2017

922. Will she survive?

Before she could embrace life to the fullest & drink her favourite wine, she must have her heart broken into pieces, trampled on & crushed into bits.

She must have her emotions exposed & spat upon & have her soul illuminated in a naked posture of embarrassment & scoffed at by someone that she had held very dear.

Then, if she finds out that it did not destroy her, she has found out that her heart can function on as a muscle that pumps blood without the faintest trace of emotion.

When blame & shame,  abuse & exhortation, accusation & punishment,  haunting memories & cruel blows of life, gain and pain have failed to wreck her, then she has started to live life in her own terms.


Wednesday, December 13, 2017

921. An ode to the Bohemian in me

Beneath your clothes is your naked body
Beneath your skin is your naked mind
Beneath your thoughts is your naked soul

Undress your body
Undress your mind
Undress your soul

Don't conform to the rules
Don't think what others will think
Be yourself without the mask
Sail free and trod along with the light within
May that light show the path to someone in darkness

Beneath your clothes is your naked body
If you embrace that nakedness you will find the meaning of life.

- Chronicwriter

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

920. Idli Mondays

Image Courtesy:
The breakfast menu at home was standard during my childhood. My mom would make idlis on Mondays. I used to hate Mondays not just because of school, but also because of the idlis I was supposed to have for breakfast.

We always had Idli for breakfast on Mondays. I detested them like how many Americans hate the Donald of America. My mother would force me to eat 4 idlis. The most common reaction from me would be a duck face and I would make weird sounds to indicate that I was about to throw up. 

My mom would scream from the kitchen saying that If I vomited the idlis, I would have to still eat them from the floor. All the vomit would immediately put reverse gear and go back inside and rest inside my small intestine.

My mom tried all means to make me eat those dreaded idlis. Sambhar, coconut chutney, groundnut chutney, onion chutney, tomato thokku, sugar and ghee, honey, fish curry, chicken and mutton curry were some of the side dishes that she tried to make me fall in love with idli. But I still hated idlis.

When mom was not seeing me, I would throw the idlis out of the window. But soon she figured out I was doing this when the neighbor lady poattu koduthufied this to my mom. From then on, my mom would shut the window in the dining room to block access for the idlis to trespass in the neighbour's premises.

After that, I started sneaking three idlis into my shorts pocket and after eating one Idli, I would rush to the loo and flush the remaining Idlis down the toilet. But back in those days the Indian toilets sometimes used to act funny. One black Monday, the Idlis clogged the toilet bowl and I was caught. It was the year 1992 and I was in class 5. That is when my pet dog Bubbly came into our lives. He came in like an angel in my life. He would eat all the Idlis I accidentally dropped under the table.

Days passed by and soon I entered college and I was introduced to the college hostel Idli. That is when I realized that the Idlis that were made by mom at home was actually a delicacy. But it was too late of a realization for me. When I was in Singapore for almost 3 years, I had to literally pay close to 7 Singapore Dollars to eat a plate of Idli. Incidents like these taught me the great lesson that home food is the best food in the world and nothing can beat mother's cooking.

Yes, I had Idli for breakfast this Monday too. My wife made it. I ate it with mutton curry. It was nice


Monday, November 06, 2017

919. The story behind inky pinky ponky

Inky Pinky Ponky 
Father Had a Donkey
Donkey Died Father Cried
Inky Pinky Ponky

All of us would have sung this rhyme at some point of our lives. This rhyme has helped us to take vital decisions in our life.

I used this rhyme when I gave my CAT exams in 2004. When I looked at the question paper, I was literally in tears as I could not decipher anything in that paper. So I resorted to Inky Pinky Ponky and marked all the answers. Eventually I scored good marks and got into a good B school too.

We have used this rhyme to accurately find the farting culprit in our class too. It failed miserably once when I was chosen as the culprit when someone else farted. It was not an embarrassing moment for me. But owning someone else's part was like making me own someone else's belonging. I still have my doubts on Santhosh.

Talking about Santhosh, he used this rhyme to choose Sandhya over Meena. When Meena cried, he stood there grinning without any remorse. After four years of loving Sandhya, she eventually ditched him and married someone else. Santhosh's gmail password is "s@ndhy@140682"

Do you guys know the story behind this rhyme? If you do not know it, this blog will give you the answer. 

A man had three daughters - Inky, Pinky and Ponky. His wife passed away while giving birth to Ponky. These three girls were beautiful girls. The porukki fellows in the town started eve teasing these girls all the time. Hence the father bought a donkey to protect the girls. Once when a guy followed Pinky, the donkey kicked him between his legs and performed vasectomy for him. You can see the guy in the above picture. Soon the news started spreading across the city. The guy's father was so angry that he poisoned the donkey and killed it. As soon as the father of the three girls heard that the donkey had died, he cried bitterly. He was finally left with the three girls. 

The rhyme narrates the tragic story of three girls and their donkey. When William Shakespeare wrote this rhyme, he literally cried when he finished writing this poem. Historical findings reveal that the three girls went on to marry "Tom, Dick and Harry". After all it is not a sad ending. The three couples lived happily ever after.

Note: I searched every where for the story. I could not find it. Hence I decided to create history; because varalaaru matters prime minister. (Modiya sollala)

- Chronicwriter

Sunday, November 05, 2017

918. My love life and Milk Bikis

Renu was the girl I fell for when I was in Kindergarten. I have written about her many a time in this blog. We had a love hate relationship going on between us all through school life. I loved her and she hated me. 

I loved her in every way possible. Even when I knew that she was in love with Shabir ( my villain in school), my love for her never went down by even 1 milligram. 

I would write to her poems, love songs and even followed her to her home every day; but she never showed her love for me. 

I even symbolically left her love hints using Britannia Milk Bikis biscuits. I am not talking about the useless checkered design Milk Bikis that we get these days. I am talking about the old Milk Bikis biscuits that had the word "Britannia" embossed in each biscuits.

I would first bite off the edges and then eat each letter one by one. But I would never eat the letter "R". That is how much I loved Renu. I used to collect all the "R"s and store it in a plastic box. After a year many "R"s got fungal attack ( symbolical representation of how Renu felt for me). That did not deter me from still adding more R in that box.

One day, my mom saw the box and saw all the "R"s and she got irritated and hence fed those biscuits to our dog Bubbly. I was so angry with my mom that I did not eat food at home for one whole day. But the next day, I was hungry and so I started eating food at home again.


Friday, November 03, 2017

917. The science behind Burps

A Jelly fish's mouth is also its anus. So throwing up and pooping are similar activities for a jelly fish. What is more weird to notice is the fact that the burp of a jelly fish is also its fart. 

At least for human beings we can differentiate between a fart and a burp. My friend Anand used to say that a fart is a burp that forgot its direction. 

Do you know that a person can let out a silent fart; but cannot burp silently. This makes us arrive at the much important question 

" Does Jelly fish fart silently?" 

If the answer is yes, then would not it also mean that it is a silent burp? So going by the principle that one cannot let out a silent burp, we can conclude that jelly fish cannot fart silently. 

Talking about Burps, my classmate Santhosh's burp stinks so much that we always have a doubt whether he farted or burped. 

As burps always come out with a noise, he was never able to blame it on any one else too. He got caught all the time. 


Thursday, November 02, 2017

916. Missing - Royal Stag Whiskey

I found this bottle of Royal Stag whiskey in Tiruvanmayur beach this morning. I clicked this picture to write a blog on it so that this bottle reaches its owner safe and sound. I understand that it is an irresponsible act on the part of the owner to leave a full bottle of whiskey at the beach. But I also believe that a misplaced object should be sent back to its rightful owner. Please share this blog as much as you can till the owner sees this.  Can you please this do this help and make our country a better place to live in?

But my friend Vidhyashankar just reminded me that may be the bottle wanted to be alone as he is a STAG. He has a strong point too. But I don't want to leave him alone.


Wednesday, November 01, 2017

915. She added me for something more than friendship

When I get a friendship request on FB, I usually check the profile of the person before accepting the request from them. People who send friendship requests fall under the following categories
  1. My relatives
  2. My friends
  3. My blog friends
  4. Professional network
  5. Church and Spiritual circle
  6. Music and arts circle
  7. Fake IDs
  8. Fraansheep requests
I have got "7" many a time and it has been fun to chat with such people. Kondaiya maraika theriyaadha fellows.

This morning, when I woke up, I got a friendship request from a girl. I checked her profile and found that we had a few mutual friends. I presumed that she might belong to the music and arts circle. I added her. As soon as I add people, I would ask about them. So I started with the cliche question "Who is this" ( All the grammar nazis would be now pouncing on me to tell me that I missed the question mark in that sentence) and this is how our conversation went

Pudhusu pudhusa kelamburaangaley. I unfriended her immediately. She added me for something more than friendship.


Tuesday, October 31, 2017

914. The puppy shame man

When Hemu touches something it turns into a piece of art. I have always wondered how she finds time to do all that she does. She dances, sings, paints and does somersaults too. If you want to get your butt kicked, you can try to pick up a fight with her.

When I am down and lazy, I always go to her blog for inspiration. This is a picture drawn by her. I don't understand what this is. I thought that this was a man sitting in puppy shame posture. I am glad that he is just showing his back.

When I looked at this picture for sometime, I was inspired and the inspiration started flowing from every pore of my body. The poser, painter and photographer inside me woke up and all of them immediately wanted to showcase their talent. I allowed the poser and the painter to showcase their talent; but asked the photographer to go back to sleep. [Where would I go for a Mark 3? He is a high maintenance fellow]

First the poser

I did not want to pose without clothes. Not because I have any maanam, soodu or soranai. But because I was lazy to shed my clothes. The only difference from Hemu's painting and the poser picture is that you can also see my right hand.

Secondly- the painter

I searched for the painting brush and the water color box. My daughter Anya did not allow me to touch her water color kit. All I could get was a ball point pen and a rough note book. That did not block me from showing my painting (read drawing) skills. As(s) the "W" that I drew was more glamorous than the "w" that Hemu had painted, I decided to add a censorship certificate too

My friend just pinged me and told that the character in the painting is not a guy. Adhu ponnaa?

Follow Hemu's art world to see many more of her artistic wonders.

- Chronicwriter

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

913. Rasathi, Hotel California and Country Roads.

If you had read this blog, you would have known that our band performed a few western classic songs at Aegam Decor Cafe. We did not do a video recording of the performance. But our friends who came to the cafe did record some songs on their mobile phones. Presenting to you three songs that we sang that evening.

Seraph is my sister and she sang Atlast, Feeling good, words, Hotel California Valerie and few other classic songs. I covered Lucky lips, Bachelor boy, Diana, Ten guitars and my own composition. We also sang a couple of duets that included "Country roads". You can listen to that song in the above video. 

Many would argue saying that Hotel California is a satanic song. I have done enough background work to know the authenticity of that claim and when I was strong in my conviction that it was not a satanic song, we decided to sing the song. 

I also ended up covering my favorite Tamil band "Kurangan's song - Rasathi". Infact I killed it (literally kola pannitein) with my own add ons. I hope Kaber and Tenma don't thuppufy on me for ruining their song ( The video opens with that song).

Do check the video. I warn you that this is just a compilation of clips taken from mobile phones. So do not expect a 4K quality from it.


Monday, October 23, 2017

912. Old man on the sidewalk

Old man on the sidewalk, Who art thou?
You look frail and sad and do not even have a pillow to rest your head

Old man on the sidewalk, What is your bank balance?
A dirty pink towel, a plastic bag with two papers and a shirt and a pair of slippers

Old man on the sidewalk, Where is your house?
It is drizzling now and you might catch a cold

Old man on the sidewalk, Do you have a family?
A place you can call home, where there is fun and laughter

Old man on the sidewalk, Do you dream?
Of having a bed for yourself and someone to take care of yourself

Old man on the sidewalk, Why are you here?
Is not there an old age home where you can at-least find some rest

Old man on the sidewalk, Do you have a story?
About your childhood, teenage, youth life and your adulthood

Old man on the sidewalk, Who art thou?
The night is gonna end and you will keep on moving

Dedicated to all the homeless people around the globe. They do have dreams too; but may not have a roof over their head. I do not know what happened to the man in the picture; this might be just a picture which I got from the internet. May be the old man has a home now or may be he is still in some side walk. When you see someone like them, please do help them according to your capacity.


Sunday, October 22, 2017

911. The Arjun Sampath technique of answering a question

I request all the engineering students to take a closer look at the man in the picture. He will inspire you to clear your exams with ease. Clearing all papers to get an Engineering degree is not an easy joke these days. I have been there; felt pain during my exams, beaten to pulp by Engineering mathematics; but eventually rose like a phoenix bird to finally clear my papers to get my Engineering degree.

Some of the papers, that give heart attacks for Engineering students are
  • Mathematics papers (M3 and M4 are dangerous terrorists)
  • Field theory
  • Vera enna varumnu theriyalaiyae. Andha azhagula Engineering degree vaangirukurein ( Power of Madras University)
But there is one paper that can give you piles because of the number of attempts one takes to clear the paper. It is the mighty DSP (Digital Signal Processing). It is also called as "Degree Stopping Paper". It has single handedly blocked many engineering students from sitting for campus interviews.

I somehow cleared this paper with ease. I still do not know a single thing from that paper. Yesterday when I watched Arjun Sampath's debate style, I turned to my wife and said 
"Honey! This is how I cleared my DSP paper. I never knew a single thing in that paper. But still I remember standing up and asking for 12 additional sheets of paper to fill the sheets with my answers. For one ten mark question, I even answered with a film review about the movie Sethu. Three extra sheets were used for that question". 
She gave me a dirty stare. Good that I did not reveal her the marks I got for that paper. 87 out of 100. Check this video to see Arjun Sampath's debating skills and understand how he handles all questions with ease.

I just got hold of a DSP question paper. One sand also I did not understand. Do you understand anything from the picture below? Even if you know the answer, please keep quiet. Do not put vetti scene. Just remember that I have got 87 marks out of 100 for the same paper. So please show some respect.

No one has yet understood the Duckworth Lewis method. Similarly no one will ever understand Arjun Sampath's method of answering a question. I would love to see Arjun Sampath being interviewed by Arnab Gowsami. TRP egiridum.


Wednesday, October 11, 2017

910. The girl in the green half-saree

I was pursuing my third year of B.E. I literally lost any sort of contact with Renu and my love life was almost dead and buried. That is when I saw her. She used to wait at the bus stop every morning to board her bus to college.

The bus stop was right opposite to the house where I stayed. We were 7 guys staying together in the house. None of us had the habit of getting up early. But her presence at the bus stop every morning at 7 changed our lifestyle. All of us started to wake up as early as 5 am, brush our teeth, take bath and present ourselves in the best clothes just to get her attention.

Sometimes she would look in our direction and all 7 of us would assume that she looked at us. She would immediately turn her face and act as if we never existed. But the days when she gave us her 2 to 3 second glance, we would go to cloud nine. All 7 of us would argue with each other claiming that she did not see the other 6.

After one month of just looking at her from a distance, we decided to take it to the next level. The 4 of us would stand at the entrance of our house; Selva would walk up to the bus stop and stand behind her; Edwin would stand to her right and Satheesh would stand to her left. She would have no other option but look at atleast in one direction. She started looking in our direction. So we knew that Selva, Satheesh and Edwin were out of the race. These 3 guys soon understood that she was not interested in them and withdrew themselves from the competition.

That left me, Paul, Suresh and Vijay in the race. We did not know her name and none of us had the guts to make a move to approach her to ask her name. Those days, none of us had a mobile phone. So phone conversations were restricted to the landlines we had in our homes. As we were 7 bachelors staying together in a rented house, we used our neigbour's phone to make calls.

The next day I took my guitar and occupied the position near the door, so that she could see me face to face. Paul and Suresh were angry with me for trying to attract her with the guitar. They walked up to the bus stop and sat there and waited for her to come. Vijay was still in his lungi, scratching his armpits. He did not even take a bath. And that is when she walked in. She was wearing a green half saree. Our hearts started beating faster.

I tried to strum and sing the song "Pretty Woman"; but when I strummed the guitar, I realised that the guitar was out of tune. Paul and Suresh started laughing; they had done this to the guitar without my knowledge. Tears welled up in my eyes because she also started laughing with them. Paul walked up to her and introduced himself. She frowned at him and turned in the opposite direction only to end up looking at Suresh who tried to smile romantically. She gave him a dirty stare that made us all realize that she was hating the special attention that we gave her.

It has been 16 years since that incident took place. She is married for the last 8 years. None of us still have a clue why she fell in love with Vijay and married him.


Wednesday, September 27, 2017

909. Twitter doubles tweet length

Twitter has finally decided not act like a man suffering from PMS.( I know that a man does not suffer from PMS. But If I had used the word "women", many women would have ganged up on me). They have decided to go beyond the 140 character limit.

Their USP was their 140 character limit. With that limit, it encouraged people to be more creative with a few words. Now with increase in character limit, people would start writing essays again. In no time twitter users would demand twitter to increase the character limit to allow them to write notes and articles.

Twitter's justification was "When people don't have to cram their thoughts into 140 characters and actually have some to spare, we see more people tweeting". They made this great discovery after 11 years of existence and revealed this great discovery on a blog post.

Jack Dorsey announced the company’s “small change” but a “big move”: each tweet could now be of 280 characters, instead of the previous 140 characters. However, for now the increased character count is available only to a small group of users.
It is easy to be humorous and expressive with 280 characters and the challenge was to be witty in 140 characters and that is what that made twitter so special all these years. But now on, things are gonna change.

If you ask me what is the difference between the 140 character twitter message and the new 280 character twitter message, the following example will give you an idea

140 Twitter: Show piece for sale. Never used.
280 Twitter: Show piece for sale.  Brass fish with  black eyes. Never used. (Unwanted gift from wedding)


Wednesday, September 20, 2017

908. Aarav and the condom pack

A few days ago,my friend Ravi (name changed on purpose because he is my friend on Facebook too) invited me to his house for lunch .  So here I was sitting in the living room of his house and watching TV, when his 6 year old son Aarav (name changed again) came up to me with a rubber ball. This is how our conversation went

Aarav: Uncle please play with me
Me: Okay. Go stand there. I will throw the ball at you
Aarav: Okay catch this ball
Me: Oops! You have a powerful arm. That throw was fast
Aarav: Haha! Yes uncle! I know. I am stronger than my dad too

Ravi was sitting in the same room and talking on the phone. His wife, Sheela (name changed)  came out of the kitchen,  stared at her son and said "How many times have I told you not to play with a ball in the living room?" 

Suddenly the room was silent. I sat there with folded hands thinking if she was giving a hint to me that she did not like my presence in the house? 

May be she did not like her husband's friends or may be she did not like me. When these thoughts were running in my head, she turned to me and said " Anna! don't take me wrong. I was only shouting at Aarav and its not about you". 

That sentence created more doubts in my head. Aarav ran inside and soon brought a box of crayons

Aarav: Uncle color this note book along with me
Me: Ok! What do you want to color
Aarav: Let us color this whale
Me: Ok! Take this blue colour crayon and fill it

Sheela again came out of the kitchen and said "Anna, Don't encourage him to draw a blue whale and all. I have heard it is a dangerous game". In the space of five minutes, Sheela had stopped her son from progressing forward with his activities. I kinda agreed with her on the first condition because she might have thought that the ball might break some glass items in the room. But the blue whale connection did not sink into my head at all.

Ravi was still on a phone call. What kind of friend would invite me to his house for lunch and make me sit in the living room and be on the phone all the time? Do you know any friends like this makkale? To add salt to the injury, his wife also curbed her son from playing with me. 

Aarav: Uncle, let us play memory game
Me: What is that?
Aarav: We use playing cards to play this game
Me: Okay bring it

Aarav runs inside and shouted in a loud voice "Amma! Did you see my playing cards?" to which her mom replied " No I don't know. Search in Dad's cupboard". Little Aarav was busy searching for the playing card deck and there was silence for sometime. After some time Aarav came running to the living room with a pack of condoms and said " What is this uncle?" Sheela also came out of the kitchen at the same time and she was embarrassed big time.

Aarav: But Amma! What is that?
Aarav: What medicine amma?

She rushed back into the kitchen. Ravi was still on the phone not even realizing what had just happened at his house. Aarav kept the condom pack inside and came out and sat next to me and watched cartoon network along with me. During lunch time, we all ate in silence. Ravi was finally off the phone; but he did not know why his wife never came out of the kitchen; nor did he know why I was eating without saying a word. I was controlling my laughter. 

Little Aarav also does not know what medicine that was! May be he knows.


Friday, September 08, 2017

907. He clapped when he died

Robin was an 8-year-old boy studying in class 3. He was the apple of the eye for his parents. He learnt Karate at a very young age and got a black belt when he turned 7. He was literally strong for his puny stature. But underneath all the strength that he carried inside, he was still an innocent child.
His parents showered all their love on him. His mother would play with him every evening when he returned from school. His father was a man of few words. Though he loved his son dearly, he never expressed his love for his son through words.

Robin’s mother was a famous singer in their town. People in the city remembered her as the “Paadagi Mary” (Singer Mary). Mary and Goldina were great friends. They would always sing together in marriage functions, birthday parties, concerts and religious functions. Goldina’s father “Singh” was a respected man in the society. He would take scripture classes for the people in the town and everyone in the town held him in very high regard.

All the children in the locality was very fond of Singh thatha. He will tell them stories and teach them songs. Mary also wanted her son Robin to learn scriptural ethics and songs from Singh thatha. Singh uncle always loved children. He was an amazing story teller. He will always have chocolates in his pockets and the children knew that he would give them chocolates. But Robin felt something strange with Singh thatha’s behaviour.

“Why is Singh thatha making me sit on his lap when no one is around?”
“Why is Singh thatha putting his hands inside my pockets to hold my pee pee?”
“Why does Singh thatha make me to search in his pant pockets when there are no chocolates inside?”

These three questions were in Robin’s head for some time; but he was scared to raise these questions to Singh thatha. He realised that there was something odd about his behaviour with him. But Robin did not even realise that he was sexually abused by this old paedophile who had a good standing in the society.

A few days later Singh thatha was admitted in the hospital. Robin’s parents rushed to the hospital. Goldina was standing out with tears in her eyes. Mary went to her and asked “What happened”. “Doctors are saying that he is sinking” came her reply. All the friends and family members gathered outside the hospital. The news had spread that the spiritual guide of the town is fighting a battle between life and death.

The doctor came out of the ICU and broke the news that Singh thatha had passed away. Everyone started to cry. Mary and her husband had tears in their eyes too. Goldina was inconsolable. Singh thatha had helped many poor families by donating money for them. All of them were there in the hospital too.

Robin was standing next to his mother and suddenly out of nowhere, he started clapping and laughed out loud saying “I am glad that he died”. Everyone around him stopped crying. How could a young 8-year-old boy be so cruel? Goldina also heard what Robin had uttered. She looked at Robin with the expression that said “How can you behave like this when your favorite thatha has just passed away”. 

Mary felt ashamed by her son’s behavior and gave a slap across his face. Robin was not smiling anymore. He had tears in his eyes. Robin really had no clue why he clapped with so much happiness. He never had the understanding that he was sexually abused by that old man who had just died. But he felt relieved that he was no more.

An old man in the crowd tried to calm the situation. He pulled the young boy Robin from his mother’s grasp and made him sit on his lap and asked “Why did you clap like that Robin? Don’t you realise that it is a sad occasion and Goldina aunty has lost her dad. Do you think what you did was right?

Robin gathered all the courage and replied “I don’t know if I was wrong in clapping and laughing. All I know is that Singh thatha won’t make me sit on his lap and put his hands in my pocket and play with my pee pee anymore; nor would he ask me to put my hands inside his pocket to search for a lollipop when he does not have any chocolates inside his pockets.

Everyone understood the reason for Robin’s laughter and slow and steadily the crowd disappeared from the place. Mary realised for the first time that her son had been abused by an uncle whom she held in regards.

Almost two decades went by and when Robin’s little daughter who was just 3 years old came to him and said, ‘Daddy, my teacher taught me the difference between good touch and bad touch’, tears started to roll down his cheeks.

There are many Singh thathas in every family. If your child is uncomfortable with someone, parents should respect the child’s discretion. It is high time that every child is taught the difference between a good touch and a bad touch.

Thursday, September 07, 2017

906. My favorite politician Valarmathi's video

I was binge watching my favorite Politician Valarmathi's videos on Youtube when I came across this particular video. What caught my attention was the title of the video.

Valarmathi Chief Minister Jayalalithaa's granddaughter's name atop the smell video tribute.

The apostrophes in the title are used correctly. So the entire sentence would not be wrong. I realized that there is a much deeper meaning hidden in that sentence.

It could be a code for the future generations.  There are four gentlemen and four soft ladies in the picture. My favorite politician may be rough on the outside. But she is soft like cotton candy on the inside.

Certain codes should not be decoded. The specialty of those codes are that they should remain a mystery.  This title also belongs to such a category. Hence I have decided not to do any research on the code; but just immerse myself in its presence (Aaraiya koodaadhu; Anubavikkanum).

Even if you happen to find the meaning of the sentence, I request you to keep the meaning with yourself. Adichu kooda ketpaanga. Veliyila sollidaadheenga.


Monday, September 04, 2017

905. Word

Do you want to look like a literary genius on social media platforms? It is simple. All you have to do is find some newspaper cutting. Once you find a news article, just underline some sentence. Take a picture of that news article and post it in social media. 

Make sure to include the caption "WORD" while posting the picture in your social media profile. Adding the caption" WORD" will add value to your post. People will think that you are a genius. Why don't you try this today? 

My friends have tried this on their FB walls and some of them have even gone on to publish books. Yes they are now called as authors. They might have paid some huge amount to publish their books because no traditional publisher came forward to release their book. So What? At least they have a book in their name. 

Remember! It all starts with "WORD".


Monday, August 28, 2017

904. Oviya, Me and the Gold Ring

This picture is so dear to me. I keep this picture under my pillow and every night before I go to sleep, I peek under the pillow to take a look at this picture. Yes I cry every single time I look at this picture. My pillow becomes wet every night because of the impact this picture creates in my heart.

Why is this picture so close to my heart?

This is the exact place where I broke up with my ex girl friend Oviya. We have spent many days sitting in this exact place. We will hold hands, talk about our future, our kids and our future dog. I still remember that fateful day. It seems like it happened just yesterday. It was raining that evening. I was sitting in this bench waiting for her to come. She had called me up on the phone and wanted to meet me that evening. We had been fighting for one long week before that. So I assumed that she was about to patch up with me.

So I waited in that bench. Can you see the dustbin near that bench? I bought it and donated to this park. In fact I bought 8 dustbins and kept it in the park because I was a fan of our Prathan manthri ji. Though this happened in 2007 and he was not yet the PM of the country, I exactly knew what he was going to do for our country in the future in the name of Swachh Baharath. (Postla logic illanu solluveeyaa?)

I had bought a gold ring for her from Joy Alukkas. It was a perfect setting for a romantic proposal. I had planned to put the ring on her finger. Then I had devised a plan to kiss her and ask her to marry me. So with all these thoughts running in my mind, I was waiting for  Oviya.

Finally at 6 pm, she walked in. She was wearing a Pink Sari. She looked drop dead gorgeous. A tall, dark and handsome guy came along with her. I had not seen him before. She came near me and said "Chriz! Look, you have hurt me with your words. It won't work for us. I am going to marry him. He is my maama paiyan."

He looked at me and smiled. My heart pained. My hand became numb. With a feeble voice, I looked at him and asked " Are you Amrika return?"

He said "Yes"
Thousands of arrows pierced me from every direction. I could not take it any longer. A tear drop escaped my eyelid. She saw it; but she showed no mercy. I even tried overacting by letting a few more ear drops escape through my eye lids. Ava kandukkavey illa. At that exact moment, my bladder also became full. It started to rain. So I used that opportunity. No one knew. She walked away with him. 

I put my hand inside my pocket and took the ring. I looked at it with anger. I went near that lamp (diagonally opposite to the dustbin) and looked around and no one was there. So I dug a small hole and planted the ring under the lamp.

With tears in my eyes and sodium chloride in my wet pants, I walked along the pavement into the sunset.

Note: You can still go to the park and take that ring and donate it to the Government for the prathan mandhiri relief fund. Jai Ho.


Sunday, August 27, 2017

903. Push vs Pull

I am a Tamil guy. I think in Tamil and hence my English is not that good.

When ever I see the word "Pull" written on a door, I always do mental mathematics whether I should push the door or pull the door.

You might ask "Why I do that?"

It might be simple for you.

But for me, it is really tough. Each and every single time, I go through this trauma when I see the approach a door.

I would stall for a moment and 9 out of ten times, do the exact opposite of what the door asks me to do.

This is what I expressed in my Facebook page in Tamil

Enna dhaan IELTS and English grammarla pisthaavaa irundhaalum, oru doorla Pull or Pushnu eludhi irundhuchunaa, andha kadhava ilukkanumaa illana thallanumaanu manasula oru kolappam varumla. Andha kolappathukkula swimming poattu veliyila onnumey nadakaadha maadhiri correcta Pull nu eludhi irukura kadhava appadiyae thallikittu, adhuvum correctudhaanu oru agambaavathula pogum 7 kodi Tamilargalil naanum oruvandhaan
If you are not yet following my FB page, you are not yet living your life to the fullest. So better follow it now. If you are single, you will get married on the 7th day after liking this page:

Follow my FB page [ link]


Friday, August 25, 2017

902. Who is Ram Rahim?

1) He was one among the top 100 most powerful men in India in 2015 ( Source ). He was the 96th most powerful man in India at that time. MK Stalin was at 95th position and MS Dhoni occupied the 91st position in the list.

2) He has been accused of rape, murder and forced castrations. Yes! He has forcefully cut off the penises ( or the pair beneath them) of many men in the country. He was finally convicted of rape today and may be sentenced to 7 years in prison on Monday.

Edit on Monday: He has been sentenced to 20 years imprisonment.
This is how he entered the court premises today.
3) Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh was born in a Sikh family; but in the year 1990 he was declared as a saint and became the head of a sect called "Dera Sacha Sauda". The sect claims to have more than 60 million followers around the world

4) Haryana state elections in the last ten years relied heavily on Ram Rahim. He helped Congress to win the elections in 2007. In 2014 elections Pradhan Mandhiri Modi ji got the support of Ram Rahim and BJP flourished under his blessings.

5) He gets z+ security cover. His followers have also been taught to conduct suicide attacks. They have killed Sikhs in the past

6) On 13 January 2016, actor Kiku Sharda (who played the character Palak in Comedy Nights with Kapil) was arrested in Mumbai by the Haryana Police for mimicking Singh on his show. Sharda spent 14 days in judicial custody in Kaithal, Haryana. The case was registered on the complaint of Uday Singh, a follower of Dera Sacha Sauda.

7) He has castraded more than 400 men in his sect telling that they would get closer to God by doing so.

8) He has been conferred with many awards in the film industry for his role in films and he has been awarded with many awards by the Government too.

His followers went on a rampage killing many innocent lives after the CBI court sentenced this criminal to 7 years in jail. The court made another verdict that all the damages will be restored using Ram Rahim's personal money from his account.


Thursday, August 24, 2017

901. Say Hi to the Rs 200 currency

So tomorrow RBI will release the Rs 200 currencies. The 200 note is supposed to reduce the burden of the RS 100 note. I am not sure if that would reduce the burden of the Rs 100 note. But it sure would reduce the burden of all the cops who would stop bikes and demand Rs 100 from the bike riders. From now on they can ask them to give Rs 200. I like these cops. They are not too greedy. They don't demand Rs 500 or Rs 2000 notes. They are happy with Rs 100. 

The big thoppai cop near AMBIT Ambattur once stopped my car because I was not wearing my seat belt. When he asked for bribe, I told him I would rather pay the fine. He finally settled for Rs 10 from which he bought one tea and pocketed the remaining Rs.3 in his pocket. 

The Rs 200 note will yet again have the father of our Nation- Mahatma Gandhi. It becomes boring to see the same face again and again. We should have our respected honorable Pradhan Mandhri Narendra Modiji's picture on our currency notes from here on. I would have also been happy if IlayaThalapathy Vijay Anna's picture was printed on the currency notes.

Sleep cell sources also revealed that there is a green thread that runs through the center, which will turn into blue when the note is tilted. This can be used by all the guys to put soora mokkai magic tricks to attract women in colleges and in work places.

The highlight of the currency note is its backside. The backside of the note does not have Gandhi's backside. Instead the motif of Sanchi occupies the backside of the 200 Rupee note. Sanchi Stupa is one of the seven wonders of India. Originally built by Asoka in 3rd century BC, this monument can single handedly teach us a lesson or two from our history.

Our National emblem- Ashoka Pillar (The four lions) is found in this site. The fourth Lion is none other than Captain Vijaykanth (Raghuvaran confirms this in the film Narasimha).

The backside of the Rs 200 note will also have Swachh Bharat logo. This is Modiji's master stroke; because of the  "VARALAARU ROMBA MUKKIYAM AMAICHAREY" fact. 

Other famous personalities whose images could have been used in the Rs 200 currency are

1) Rohit Sharma - for scoring two double hundreds. But his failure to land his bat while running between the wickets acted against him and he was rejected.

2) Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar - for becoming the first man to score a 200. May be his poor attendance in Rajya Sabha acted against his inclusion.

3) Sunny Leone - for single handedly pulling a 200 thousand crowd in Kerala with a cameo appearance to the state.

Illuminati experts might bring in some new concepts and will find some triangle, an eye and a cat symbol somewhere in this currency and would soon spread some conspiracy theories. So be prepared to have a good laugh.

- Chronicwriter.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

900. When Sachin Tendulkar crashed Cricinfo servers

Did Cricinfo servers crash when Sachin Tendulkar was reaching 200 runs in the 2010 match?

Yes, I was in Singapore at that time and I could not watch the match live. I was following Cricinfo. By the end of the 48th over, Sachin had reached 199 runs.

When the 49th over started, Dhoni was on strike. Dhoni faced all the balls and even though he clubbed Steyn for two sixes and one four, we were all not happy with Dhoni because we wanted Sachin to score that all important one run. To add salt to the injury, Dhoni took a single off the last ball of that over. That meant that he would face the first ball of the last over.

49.1 over - Dhoni scored a six. For the first time, the whole of India was cursing captain Dhoni when he scored a six.
49.2 Finally Dhoni takes a single
49.3 Cricinfo servers crashed. We did not know what was happening. Then I opened Twitter and I saw a Tweet which read “ I love you Thalaivaaaaaaaaaa” and that is how I understood that he scored a double century. Cricinfo was back in action after 5 minutes.

The little master drove 45 million page views to the site and his knock crossed the on-field boundary and crashed the online sites that day.

What is so special about this post? This is my 900th post and this answer of mine on Quora garnered 1 Lakh views and 7000 votes. (That is some feat I am proud of)


Thursday, August 17, 2017

899. Say Hello to the band - Nameless

The journey started a year ago. Me and a group of friends joined together and jammed some songs and sang at a friend's wedding exactly a year ago. We sang some old classics and the father of the groom came and asked us "So what is the name of your band?".

We stared at each other and thought to ourselves " Naaiku soru vachom; peru vaikkalaiyae" (We have done all the practice; but failed to even give a name for ourselves). Telfi (Simeon Telfer) immediately said " Engalukku Per illa" (We don't have a name). We laughed and continued playing. And that is how we got our name "Nameless". This is the picture of the band taken at that time.

I should talk about Telfi here. He is a prodigy and he will make it big. He plays super cool riffs and is a treat to watch. He also plays for Santosh Narayanan and has played strings for many movies. Then we have Beethoven, who composes music for our band. He is calm and speaks less and is the kind of person who lets his music do all the talking. 

Shobi Ashika! The Opera princess and a voice that can reach and hit extreme registers is the lead female vocalist of the band. She is the one in the center in the above picture. Immi plays the Cajon and bass and he is the latest member of the band.  We also have Seraph (My little sister) with whom I have been singing for almost 20 years. She is a good in covering some huge songs. Then we also have Cliffy (a soulful singer) and Siraj ( A rapper and an ex member of the band Hip Hop Tamila).

Our love for covering classics has made us to come together to perform at Aegam Decor Cafe. This is a one of a kind cafe in Chennai and one has to visit the cafe to experience the architectural beauty of this place. 

So the band "Nameless" will be performing western songs from various decades. If you are a lover of old songs and if you like Paul Anka, Engelbert Humberdinck, Frank Sinatra, Elvis Presley, Etta James, Dolly Parton, Neil Sedaka, Carpenters and the likes, may be you should come and encourage us as we perform at Aegam on Saturday the 19th of August 2017 at 6:30 pm.

Click the "The FB event invite page" and confirm your attendance. We will be making some important announcement there.

Nameless band does not have any social media pages. We will have our page when we release our first single :)

- Chronicwriter

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

898. A trip to Crocodile bank in my Big red machine

I recently became a member of the Renault family by buying a Renault Lodgy MUV. After driving a Maruti Alto for 6 years, when I finally started driving a 8 seater, it feels so different. When I make turns at intersections, I am extra careful because of the thought that there is an entire row of seats at the back of the car.

The reason why I love Lodgy is, even though it is a big car, it does not make me look small inside it. Being a shorty, SUVs usually look huge. When I was contemplating on buying a SUV, my friend reminded me of the Vadivelu comedy in Pokkiri movie where a short guy drives a lorry.

My daughter Anya literally slept inside the car when I first brought it home. Today we decided to go as a family to crocodile bank ( A park which houses 2000 crocodiles). A long drive in the ECR calls for a mandatory click near Muttukadu. Many people were getting out of their cars to click photos and I followed suit.

And we resumed our journey to crocodile bank. Anya was excited to see members of the Lizard family. But what caught her attention was the selfie wall where some artist had painted pictures of crawlies on the wall. At first she was scared of the image of the crocodile that protruded through the wall. 

Finally we saw all the Lizards. Some of them were too lazy to even move an inch. We also were lucky to see the largest crocodile in captivity. 

That is the big guy who is 6 meters long.

Crocodile bank is definitely worth your time if you are in ECR.

Time spent : 45 minutes

Now Anya wants to adopt a crocodile as a pet.

- Chronicwriter

Friday, August 11, 2017

897. Do you know why Dhoni knelt and kept wickets during the India Vs Pakistan bowl out in T20 WC 2007?

India went on to the bowl out with bowlers who had maximum stump hit rate while bowling in the nets. If you had watched the match, you would know that Indian bowlers Sehwag, Harbajjan and Robin Uthappa hit the stumps where as the Pakistan bowlers Arafat, Umar Gul, and Afridi missed hitting the stumps.
We all go gaga over the accuracy of the Indian bowlers. I believe Dhoni played a much bigger part in helping them hit the stumps.
  1. Dhoni kneels behind the stumps and positions himself in such a manner that his shoulder frame exactly fits behind the stump frame. So the bowler has to just see Dhoni and bowl at him. This improves the accuracy level of the bowler and gives him the extra confidence when he bowls

Nothing to take away from the bowlers; but my man of that match was definitely Captain Cool- Dhoni. To read my answer full answer  in Quora, please click here [link]


Tuesday, August 01, 2017

896. Miss Sophie

She was my 3rd standard craft teacher in school. She had a long nose, looked beautiful, was always neatly draped in a saree, but when she was angry we would all literally pee in our shorts. Shabir has once pooped once when she got angry with him. She oozed terror out of her every facial expression.

When she gets angry she would scream like a cat suffering from constipation. She would always walk around with a wooden ruler. She might have been a psycho and if she had been a teacher in the present day education system, she would have been definitely arrested and put behind bars.

During the craft period, she would draw some scenery on the blackboard and ask us to copy that in our craft notebooks. I am a pathetic artist. The only scenery that I can draw is a mountain, sun, coconut tree, crows, and a hut. Biswa Kalyan Rath was right when he explained about this in his standup routine.

One day she drew the map outline of India and asked us to draw it in our notebook. My Indian map looked as if India had been badly defeated in a war that was conspired by Pakistan, China, SriLanka and Burma. She got angry. She asked me to stretch out my hand and raised her hand to beat me. Three lashes on my hand. My eyes welled up. She did not stop there. She asked me to turn my hand and show my knuckles. Again three more times the ruler whacked my knuckles. Yes I did cry. Those were the days when the parents would tell the teachers to beat the children if they misbehaved. And Ms Sophie misused that privilege that was given to her by parents and the school management. I am not against punishments; but when I think about my childhood, I can understand that almost all my teachers had been abusers. Miss Sophie topped this list.

What makes me believe that she is a psycho is the fact that she used to smile after beating the students. Any teacher, even if she punishes a student will do it out of love for the child. But Sophie was different. She loved to see us cry. And if we did not cry, she would make sure to beat us till we cried.

To make matters worse, she was always the stand by teacher. When any teacher was absent, she would be the teacher who would come to our class. So we would always pray and wish that no other teacher gets absent.

One day, when she was in our class, another teacher called her out. Miss Sophie left her wooden ruler on the table and left the class. I used that opportunity to spring into action and throw the ruler out of the window. When she came back to our class she searched frantically for the ruler and when she could not find it, she screamed in a loud voice "WHO TOOK THE RULER?". That was it. Almost all of us peed in our shorts. Shabir immediately stood up and said "Miss, Chriz took the ruler and threw it out of the window". She got the ruler back and massaged my knuckles, bum, ankles, shoulders and my thighs with the ruler.
Result: Three days leave from school
You might think that my parents were silent on this issue. But that was our generation and the present day kids will not understand the logic behind this.

Note: Sophie was not her real name. I used the name Sophie because I am still scared of her. What if she comes home with a wooden ruler?