Saturday, December 31, 2016

818. New year revolutions

New year resolutions (or is it revolutions?) are like Prime Minister Modi's plans. They keep on changing every single day. If you are a Modi fan, you might be already frowning at this blog post. That is definitely not a great way to open a blog post :)

I have stopped making new year resolutions because I have realized that I end up breaking them within 24 hours; but this year I have decided to have some. If Modi can make plans, why can't I?

1) I will wash my underwear daily: This year I will wash my underwear daily. I request everyone to follow the same with your respective underwear too. I know my friend Srijith does not wash his underwear at all. But I want him to wash his underwear atleast once a week. This does not apply to Robert because he never wears them

2) I will start playing computer games: When it comes to computer games, I am outdated. The last set of computer games I played happened 15 years ago when I played Prince of Persia, Dave, Solitaire. Now a days when I see my niece and nephew playing computer games, I have no clue how to play. So I have decided to finally come back from retirement and start playing computer games

3) I will stop being diplomatic: For example, when Radhika lets out those silent farts in office, I will say it loud and clear to her to stop doing that. Her farts stinks a lot and they suffocate everyone of us at work. As she has a calm face, people even think that I am the culprit. I would like to tell everyone that I am not a fan of silent farts and even though I have mastered them; I always believe in letting them out with a bang

4) Have those six packs: This is a serious confession. I will hit the gym and I will pile up muscles and I will have that Greek Olympian body. Hope I get a good gym instructor; who will bear my loud farts

5) I will be a good person: Because I seriously can't believe that it has already been a year and I have not yet become one

6) Start posting humor blogs: As there is a constant complaint from my readers that my blog posts have become boring, I have decided to beg, borrow, steal from real humorists and spruce this blog with comedy articles.

Have a happy 2017


Friday, December 30, 2016

817. Chronicwriter's 2016

Blogging: Not a great blogging year for me. Wrote very few humor blogs. The numbers show it all. I have to improve on that
Stand up comedy: It was a great year. Did four acts this year; including one solo act. Given the fact that I do a niche form of stand up comedy (that includes impromptu singing with my guitar), I see that there is a huge potential for growth in this area
Song writing: Wrote 15 new songs this year. One of the best years in my song writing career
Corporate life: It was a balanced year; I would not say that I had growth this year, but definitely it helped me to re look at my growth trajectory
Family life: Had my ups and downs; but the two ladies in my life kept me going.

Spirituality: Have a long way to go. Did wonderful mission trips at the end of the year. This has to improve
Reading:Was the worst year in my life; I could only complete three books.
Memorable moments: Sister’s India visit, Mission trip to Chhattisgarh, the iPhone presented to me by my wife and the Aattukutty song that was composed and recorded in a single day.
Key takeaways: Gotta be disciplined, adhere to timelines and read more.
Wish for 2017: Release my music videos, publish my book

Thursday, December 29, 2016

816. The Plastic chair

What you are seeing in the above picture is not a designer sofa. It is just a plastic chair with some clothes on it. All of us have this plastic chair in our house; where we dump all our clothes.

I have a plastic chair at home too where I dump all my clothes. In fact the chair will have both clean clothes and clothes laden with dirt. I find it hard to differentiate between the clean ones and the dirty ones.

1.It acts as a quick fix to dump clothes, books and you can shove it inside a room when guests make a surprise visit

2. The chair can be easily carried around. You can show your strength to people around by carrying a plastic chair stack. I can carry a stack of three chairs when no one is noticing me and I can carry around ten chairs when girls notice me

3. The plastic chair can be used as a ready made stool to climb on to pull out things from the top draw of the cupboard

4.Plastic chairs avoid usage of wooden furniture. So it helps in our fight against deforestation

5. They are cheap compared to other forms of furniture.

6. They are waterproof too. 

But there is a danger of using plastic chairs. You can't fart silently in a plastic chair. It produces a whistling sound. You will be easily caught. So if you feel like farting, get out of your chair, walk around, let out a silent fart and then come back and sit.


Wednesday, December 07, 2016

815. I am Superman with a lightsaber

Eight years ago someone left their underwear in my blog. I even wrote a blog post to find the original owner of the underwear. No one replied to that blog. A screen shot of the blog post is attached here

After 4 years, I got a call from Superman himself. I first thought that it was some one playing a prank on me. So I hung up. But he kept on calling me and finally when I picked the call, our conversation went like this

Superman: His Chriz, It is me Superman

Me: How can I trust you that you are superman

Superman : In the year 2008, I lost my red underwear in your blog and you have it

Me: Why did it take you this long to call me back?

Superman: I searched for it every where. Later when I searched for my underwear in google search, I discovered that you have the underwear

Me: So what should I do now?

Superman: I am acting in a movie called "Man of Steel". So I need my underwear back

Me: No! I am not giving it back to you. Your grace period is over. Now the underwear is mine

Superman: Please give me my underwear.

Me: I can't because I have started wearing it. Now it has got some holes in it too

Superman: Oh No1 What should I do now?

Me: Just act without the underwear. Now please don't call me again and again like a friend-zoned guy

I kept the phone and I did not hear from him again. The next year, the movie "Man of steel" hit the theaters and I was surprised to see that he had acted in the movie without his underwear.

I immediately searched my wardrobe for the underwear. I could not find it. Later I discovered that my mom had started using it as a floor mob cloth. Without her knowledge, I detached the red underwear from the floor mop, washed it and wore it again and it fit me perfectly.

Then I wore it and went to a railway station and with the help of my brother Balaji, I clicked a few pictures. He added glamour effect to my underwear using Photoshop. He also fixed a light saber (star wars sword) in my hand  and gave me superpowers through Photoshop. My daughter saw the photo and asked me "Appa! Are you superman". I nodded my head in agreement and said Yes. Now she is going around and telling everyone that I am superman.

She also thinks that she is spidergirl.  Read this blog to know why my daughter thinks that she is spider girl. The other day, she came and asked me, "Appa, if you are super man, how did I become spider kid? I should have become super kid!".

I did not have any other option but to reveal the truth to her. I told " Appa is superman! But when Appa was in Bombay, he had another name and that is Spiderman". Read this line with Basha theme music in the background.

- Chronicwriter

Tuesday, December 06, 2016

814. One photo. Many stories

Just one look at this photo and you would have guessed that we were in some wild mood when this picture was clicked. I was travelling from Andhra Pradesh to Tamilnadu in an unit train. We were in an highly animated mood. It was a 4 hour train ride.

1) I think I was responsible for a ten year old boy suddenly starting to cry in the train. He was telling his elder brother that someone pinched him. No body found it out till the end of the journey

2) I was responsible for the lady in yellow saree to sit in the corner seat in that same pose all along the journey. She must have thought that I was mentally unstable.

3) I bit the shoulder of the man ( in dark blue shirt) sitting next to me while he was sleeping. He mistook the guy to his right ( the guy who clicked this selfie) as the one who bit him.

4) When some one in the compartment farted silently, I found the culprit using the inky pinky ponky technology. The victim eventually got off the train in the next station. But the fart smell continued to emanate from the compartment. May be a different person; but it was not me.

5) Everyone in the compartment displaying signs of dozing off were kept awake with my barking sounds. This was one of the reasons why the lady in yellow saree assumed that I was mentally unstable. She was also the only witness of the biting incident.

I left so many memories for so many people to ponder, yonder and think about restarting their lives again. Some are scarred for life and some are confused for life. But as they say, life just goes on.

So these are the 5 small stories that are associated with this picture. Till I come back again with yet another story around another picture, live peacefully.