Monday, June 27, 2016

796. My daughter is her class monitor

My daughter ran to me from school with her usual smiling face. Today she was happier than before.

"Appa! I am the class monitor".

"Wow, That's nice. So what do you get to do as a class monitor?"

" I can use the remote control for the TV to switch on the TV to play rhymes in our class"

"That is pretty amazing. Any other privilege you have as a monitor"

" Yes, I can also teach my class mates some actions for rhymes"

"Oh No! Please don't teach them the actions that I taught you at home"

"But Appa! I already taught them some of those actions"

"Did you really teach them?"

"Yes I did. Including the grinder moves and the dikilona dance step"

"But did your class teacher approve of those steps?"

"She asked me to bring you to school tomorrow"

I know that I will be getting some nasty comments from the teacher tomorrow. Hopefully I will be able to answer her questions. I seriously have no clue on what other actions my daughter has taught her friends at school.  When I was thinking on my defense tactics while facing her class teacher, my daughter walks up to me again with her smiling face

"Why are you smiling like that Anya?"

"Appa! I will have to give a passot photo tomorrow"

"You mean Passport photo?"

"Yes! Passport photo only. Now don't post this in your blog as if I did a mistake. You make lot of mistakes while typing"

" But why do you need a photo?"

" My class teacher wants to paste my photo in the class chart as the class monitor"

"Let's go to the photo studio"

So we both went to the near by photo studio. She sat on the chair and started to smile again. The photographer told her not to smile as it was a passport photo

"But uncle I have a smiling face and I always smile"

" But baby, for passport photos you are not supposed to smile"

"Who told you that? Am I supposed to show my frowning face? It won't look good"

Nothing could deter her and she posed with her usual smile.. While returning home, she asked me "Appa, Have you ever been a class monitor during your school days?" That question dragged a mosquito coil in front of my face and the coil started to rotate.

- Chronicwriter

Next post : When I was a class monitor

Friday, June 24, 2016

795. The 7 Burphy laws

1) Married house wives living in America will eventually become bakers and will have a cookery blog and a Facebook page on baking.

2) IT employees buying a DSLR will immediately become the official photographers of their respective projects. Eventually they will have a page on FB which has their name followed by the word photography. They would like to click pictures like this. But they never get it right without the help of photoshop.

3) There will be a Carnatic singer in school who will always sing Special song and invocation song in all school functions.

4) There will be one Granny in the house who will always see everything with a negative lens. If you stand on one leg, she will tell you that if you stand on one leg, you will end up alone in life. If you shake hands with your left hand, she will say that it is unruly to shake hands with left hand. The reason she gives is that left hands are used to clean the rear end. Does she know that I am ambidextrous?

5) There is always a silent farter in every school/ office/ family gatherings. He or She never gets caught. I am not talented in this department though because I always get caught

6) There will always be that guy who picks a stone and pelts it at a dog

7) Believe me that there will be an aunt in the family who will ask you when you are going to get married. If you are married she will ask when you are gonna have a baby. If you have a baby she will ask when are you gonna have the second baby. Just when I thought I had silenced all those nagging questions from one such aunt in my family, another aunt emerged out of the blue and asked me when I am planning to have a baby. My answer was "Aunty did you just fart?" . I know that was not the answer she was expecting. But that made her to shut her mouth and now she keeps a distance from me. I am very happy

Why did I name these as Burphy laws? Because the name Murphy laws is already taken

- Chronicwriter

Monday, June 13, 2016

794. The one night stand with another girl

I have to confess that this is a true story. 

You might be angry to know that I have feelings for another woman.

Is this normal for a married man? 

Well! I don't know whether I can justify what I did that night. 

But I guess, It would not be right If I do not confess. 

After a long time, I decide to confess it out loud to the entire world in the form of poetry.

I decided to express this through poetry because I started my blog journey with blogs on poetry before moving on to humor.

If you want to know what happened between me and her that night, just read this.

The one night stand with another girl


She has those beautiful curves
That plays magic with my reserves
As she looks at me with her pout lips
I pick her up and my sweat just drips

As I touch her back and caress her neck,
She keeps her calm as I am about to peck
I become a little bold and undress her tonight
And her body shines so bright in that dim light

[Tense change]

The tension builds up as I move closer
My smile and my gaze froze her
On her neck is my left hand
And on her hip slides my right hand

My cologne was strong and it did linger
And she just simmers as I begin to finger
I was slow to start but soon built my speed
She did not know whether to cry or plead

Grooving and grinding I began to groan
She knew my rhythm and started to moan
My next move was always a suspense
But the action just got more intense

I look down and pull her G string
The door opens and with a shock I spring
My wife walks in and gives me a stare
And Says, The guitar is too loud, please be fair

- Chronicwriter

For the uninitiated, the guitar has a neck, has got curves and has a string called the "G-string"

Thursday, June 02, 2016

793. Ink on my pink face

India’s Sahara group chairman Subrata Roy ‘s face is covered in black ink as he arrives at the Supreme Court in New Delhi on March 4, 2014. Image: PRAKASH SINGH/AFP/Getty Images
We would have seen news articles about public throwing ink on politicians's faces. Arvind Kejriwal has been the target of ink attacks on more than one occasion. This tradition started in my childhood in my school.

We had this unholy tradition of throwing ink on white uniform shirts on the last day of every academic year. In school, I had a friend named Ershad. He studied with me from class 6 to class 10. 

On the last day of my class 6 exams, I sprayed blue bril ink on Ershad's shirt and ran away. After two months of summer holidays, I entered school on June 2, 1993 with my new set of uniforms.

I did not know that Ershad was waiting to take revenge with a full bottle of bril ink. As soon as I entered class, he poured the whole bottle on my shirt and started grinning.  It was a wednesday. I hated Wednesdays after that.

Today is June 2 too. And it has been 23 years since that incident took place. I am recording it in my blog because I know that varalaaru is romba mukkiyam.

Have you been inked during your school days?

Edit-1 : Sheetal who blogs at narrates her experience here

I used to have one empty ink pen and one filled with ink in school. Both identical.  I also had a stupid habit of playing a prank on boys that I would splash ink on them with that empty pen. Once in a petty feud with a guy who sits in a nearby bench, I accidentally took the ink filled pen  and splashed it on his back (pure white shirt). He was looking elsewhere. My heart came out. There were three large blue blue patches on his shirt .He was also a strong guy.Two other guys saw this drama and threatened me. During interval, he realized that his shirt was a mess. He started asking everyone to hand over the culprit to him. My confidantes saved me. Till the end he never knew it was me. Whenever he used to wear that shirt my confidantes grinned at me. I just pretended as if nothing happened. Today if he reads this blog, he will know that it was me. It has been ten years now

Moral: Ball pens are always safer

- Chronicwriter