May 29, 2015

728. Sunny Leone Jack fruit fry


Now I have your attention, let me proceed to the main matter of this post. Today I am gonna teach you how to make Sunny Leone Jack fruit fry. Since I am the creator of this particular dish, I took the liberty of naming this dish also.

This dish is suitable to eat along with rice, chappathy, puri and even dosa. It is a dry dish. My daughter loved jack fruit and we as a family murdered a full jack fruit last week and ate to our heart's content. Invariably a whole container full of jack fruit seeds were left with us.

I threw some seeds in the dustbin and I used some seeds to attack the neighbour's dog that barks at me all the time. Some seeds were also used for stealing mangoes from another neighbour's house. Finally only ten seeds remained with me.

I used those ten seeds and invented a board game and formulated my own rules and played that game with my daughter Anya. Soon we got bored of that game because we kept forgetting the rules of the game. So we both decided to make a dish out of those seeds and eat them.

When I told my daughter that we will make a dish out of the jackfruit seeds, she went to the store room and picked an onion and gave it to me. So I cut that onion into small pieces and kept it as an ingredient. Then I asked my daughter whether she wanted a spicy dish or a sweet one. My daughter told that she wanted a spicy dish.

I cut the ten jackfruit seeds into small pieces. One potato was also cut into small cubes. The jackfruit seeds and the potato were kept in a pressure cooker and after one whistle, I switched off the cooker.

Now it was time to fry the jackfruit seeds. Oil was poured inside the pan. Cumin seeds and mustard seeds were added to the oil. Soon they started to pop and splatter and that made us both (My daughter and I) to run out of the kitchen. My wife went into the kitchen and lowered the flame.

Now we both went inside the kitched and added the onion in the oil. A pinch of garam masala, a pinch of pepper, a pinch of turmeric powder, a pinch of red chilly powder and two pinches of salt were added to the onion. 

We saute them in the pan like MGR and Nambiar having a sword fight. After two minutes, the onions started turning into golden brown color. At this juncture we added the jack fruit and potato combination to the mixture and tossed them a couple of times. Again we did an MGR act and soon jackfruit fry was ready.



After our daring cooking act , we both got ready to eat. Along with the rice, we added this jack fruit fry and had a gala time

Ingredients needed

Jackfruit seeds - 10
Potato - 1
Onion - 1

Taste addendums : Salt, turmeric powder, garam masala, pepper, chilly powder

Preparation time : Totally 15 minutes.

Serves 3 people.

Here is a picture of the chefs eating Sunny Leone Jack fruit fry.


- Chronicwriter

May 28, 2015

727. Maria Irudhayam - An Indian Treasure

Some of these sports personalities about whom I am gonna write in this series, may not have got the media hype that some glamorous sports personalities receive because of their sex appeal.

These sports personalities have been my favorites as I grew up watching them on World of Sport in Doordarshan channel on TV. So here we go.


Maria Irudhayam


We have an old carrom board in our house that was first used by my grand mother when she was a kid. My grand mom is an excellent carrom board player.

She introduced me to this man  "Maria Irudhayam". When ever a carrom match was screened on Doordarshan, my granny and I would sit and watch the match together.

The man in the picture was the best player this game has ever seen. It was always a treat to watch this man pocketing the coins with ease. In the 90s he was the world champion of this sport. He was even awarded the Arjuna Award.

He now lives a very ordinary life, away from limelight. The only video of Maria Irudhayam in action that is available in youtube is embedded here.

This video is shot in a small club where a retired Maria Irudhayam has a jamming session with the board.




If anyone has a better video of Mr Mari Irudhayam in action, please share it with me. We have to see him ruling the board when he was in his prime.

Today some of the finest Carrom board players are found in the slums of Chennai near Tea Shops. One might have seen some scenes that depict the reality in the movie Polladhavan. If only such players are groomed and are made to represent the country, India will once again conquer the world.

I encourage my readers to buy a Carrom board and start playing it with your family and friends. You don't need a great investment for this. We need more Maria Irudhayams. 

Note: More such personalities will be featured in this blog

-Chronicwriter.

May 27, 2015

726. Peeing in Public


Have you gone on college tours?

If the answer is yes, please take a look at the photo album of that tour. You will probably come across a picture that has a group of boys standing in the corner of the road and peeing.

Now! If you are that character who looks down on people who pee in public places, you will not like this post. But you can read this post and curse me in the comments section.

All of us would have had the habit of bed wetting when we were kids. I remember wetting my bed even when I was in class 5. But most of my bed wetting incidents have been for a noble cause. Click here [ link ]  to read one such incident where I saved my childhood sweet heart from dying.

Statistics reveal that 10 out of 10 people who get into swimming pools and stay there for more than 15 minutes will eventually pee in the swimming pool. 

A survey conducted by a top research institute revealed that in water theme parks, nearly 1000 litre of urine is mixed with water everyday. Next time you play in a water theme park, remember that the water that you drink while playing may not be just the pool water.

Can any one use a public toilet in India without closing their nose? You might be able to do that. But I can't. Every time I use a public toilet system, I always close my nose and I never inhale until I come out of the toilet.

India does not have proper public toilet facilities. Even when the toilets are there, they are not properly maintained. 

I have lived in Singapore for three years and only during my second year in Singapore, I realized that the Singaporeans clean the public sewage water and use that as drinking water. In short Singaporeans drink filtered urine. We could do some thing like that.

So next time, don't make fun of men when they pee in public places. If you make fun of them, I will ask Nitin Gadkari to bless you with Muthra Water Services.

(im)Moral  of the post: When you gotta go, you gotta go. Otherwise the tank will burst. 


-Chronicwriter

May 19, 2015

725. Chennai's Picasso sells his work of art

Pablo Picasso’s Les Femmes d’Alger (Version O) set a new world record last week for the most expensive painting sold at auction. 


Picasso’s Les Femmes d’Alger (Version O) was painted in 1955 as the final work of a series inspired by Delacroix and painted in homage to Matisse. I do not know who Matisse is and what Delacroix is. I am not bothered to know about these two words.

What bothers me is that a piece of art which is a concocted mixture of breasts and limbs of women was sold for $179 Million dollars. Sadly Picasso is not even alive to know that his art was sold for such a huge price. He does not even get a dime from that money that his art work fetched.

If an art work like that can be sold out for such a price, then artists like me should also get our worth of money for the time and energy we invest in our work.

Most of my readers would not even know that I am a modern artist, a painter. My friends call me as Chennai's Picasso.

I am selling my brilliant art work here. Anyone can buy it. I invite the greatest art collectors and art lovers to place a bid for these art work in the comment section. If you win the bid, you can come home and collect my work of art too. I won't give the auto/ cab fare. You have to bear that too.

The following four work of art are for sale.

1) Marijuana


The marijuana painting is one of the hardest paintings ever painted by Chronicwriter. It took him 23 years to complete this painting. This painting depicts the bad effects of the drug marijuana. Many drug addicts have left their habit after seeing this painting

Art : Marijuana
Artist : Chronicwriter
Art Gallery : Burj Dubao 44th floor reception
Price : USD 324,000

2) Global warming - The art for a cause


This painting is regarded as the best painting ever drawn to depict the ill effects of global warming.

Art : Global Warming
Artist : Chronicwriter
Gallery : The national art museum, Cairo , Egypt.
Price : USD 453,000 only

3) Chinese Dragon


Name of Art : Chinese Dragon
Artist : Chronicwriter
Displayed at : The Lusaunetre Art Gallery,  Belgium
Price : € 456,000 only.

4) Mars Mission


This is a Modern Art by Chronicwriter congratulating ISRO for their successful Mars Mission.

Art : Mars attack
Artist : Chronicwriter
Art Gallery : CBC Facebook Groups
Price : USD 420,000


Let the Bidding begin

Secret Code : Ammaa Thaayae, Bid pannungalein

-Chronicwriter



May 15, 2015

724. Funny Fake ID on Facebook


Today when I opened my Facebook App, I noticed that I had got a few friend requests from people. Some of them were acquaintances; a few others were unknown people. I carefully went through the profile details of all these people. 

When I was going through the details of these IDs, I came across this particular ID. The name of the person was "Sandy Jim". The profile said that the person was from Nagercoil. Nagercoil happens to be my home town too.

I do not know any Sandy Jim from Nagercoil. I have never come across any girl in Nagercoil looking like the girl in the picture. Still I had a doubt if it could be my school mate. So I did an Image search of that picture and it took me to some Mexican page which I do not even want to mention here.

I could only feel sorry for the souls who have accepted the "Fraansheep request" from Sandy Jim. I know that the person behind the fake Sandy must be someone whom I know. 

I would only request that person to use some brains if he ventures to create a fake ID like this. This reminds me of Vadivelu who goes around in various disguises without hiding his Kondai. 

This must be some guy in deed (Mostly) . What would be the intention behind fake IDs creating profiles like this and adding men? Most of the time the reason is to have a sleazy conversation. 

It only becomes way too boring when people lack creativity and come up with ideas. Put your brains to good use. Create a funny page and put all your thoughts in that page. At least a few people will read your page and laugh and have a good time.

I am not getting angry with the creator of this profile. I am only feeling sorry for him (may be HER) for dumping an amazing brain in the septic tank.

To top it all, there was this amazing question from Sandy Jim that made me ROFL. "What are you wearing now?". If I had answered that question, that person would have shut down that profile immediately.

Moral: Never ever check FB when you are in the loo



Should I accept this fraansheep Request Friends?

-Chronicwriter

May 13, 2015

723. Why Vodka is better than Yoga?

Yoga is 1) an art form for some; 2) a meditation technique for a few others and 3) a way of life for many. 

Different forms of Yoga are being taught in many places around the globe.

Vodka on the other hand is a Potato flavoured juice which is mixed with a little bit of ethanol. 

Vodka is also 1) an art form for some; 2) a meditation technique for a few others and 3) a way of life for many.

This blog post will dig deep into the science behind these art forms and also come up with an analytical result of why one form is better than the other.

The Subject of the blog is a give away. You already know the answer. So I am gonna make it simple and easy for you. I will just tell the various reasons why Vodka is better than Yoga. 

Let us take a sample pose of both these art forms. From Yoga I have chosen HalasanaPose and from Vodka I chose KalpanaBales.

Halasana  - Is a pose where you have to lie on your back, place both palms facing the ground. Then you have lift your leg and place it on the ground as shown in the above picture.

Kalpana - Is a pose where you will first place your leg on the bench and drop your head to the floor with a thud sound

1) While performing Halasana you will be conscious of your surroundings. But while performing Kalpana you will be unconscious. 

2) You normally need a mat to perform Halasana. But to perform Kalpana, you do not need any mat. You can even perform this pose in a ditch.

3) Halasana is a basic level art form. Kalpana is challenging and more advanced level of art form

4) In the Yoga pose, only the shoulder muscles come into play. But in the Vodka pose, the shoulder, head, neck and even your groin muscles play a vital role.

5) While performing Yoga, you can't trust your farts. But you can always put your trust on Vodka because even if you fart out loud, you won't even know.

6) You need to learn Yoga from a tutor. But to perform Vodka, you don't need a tutor because Vodka by itself is a tutor. Vodka will make you an artist by bringing out the best in you even without your knowledge.

7) Some Yoga instructors will ask you to perform Yoga with a solemn music playing in the background. To perform Vodka, you don't need any music. Music will automatically start playing inside your head.

8) You don't get a head ache by performing Yoga. But on most ocassions you will have a hang over and a splitting headache after performing Vodka. This also means you give more employment opportunities to physicians. Vodka gives employment and earning opportunities to others in the society. 

These reasons are more than enough to prove that Vodka is better than Yoga on any given day.

- Chronicwriter

May 12, 2015

722. Amma gets freed by Duckworth Lewis Method.



The Social Media is going crazy with the verdict given to the Strongest Lady in the country (Miss J Jayalalitha). Reports are flowing in that Judge Kumarasamy made a calculation mistake in his verdict. 


I calculated the sum and it came to Rs 10,67,31,274. I thought that I did a mistake. So I asked a couple of my friends who have done Masters in Mathematics. 

They came up with the same answer. To confirm, I used the scientific calculator that was used by my friend Ashok in the 12th standard public exams and his answer was also the same. Ashok got 200 in that exam. 

After all these, I still asked myself whether I could be wrong. That is when my team of secret agents revealed to me that Judge Kumaraswamy might have used Duckworth and Lewis method to arrive at that figure. 

That gave us a sigh of relief. It seems Judge Kunha is going through the same emotions that the South African Cricket team went through in the 1992 world cup knock out game against England.

This also reminded me of my friend Sundar who scored 198 marks in his exams and he applied for recounting because he believed that he was supposed to get 200. After the recounting, he got 164. He should have been happy with 198. 

A note to Sundar : I have written about you. So as you promised, please treat me.

If only my secret agents had not told me that Judge Kumarasamy has used the DL method for his calculation, I would have written an open letter to him asking him to take Maths classes from Arulandham Sir. To know more about the terror Arulanandham Sir, click here [ link ]

Mean while Ramalinga Raju was also released the same day. 

Sallu Bhai was also released a week earlier. 

When people started crying foul over all these verdicts, I remained calm because I was taking selfies of my new hair cut. 

Yaaru eppadi pona enna? (Why should I care about them?). 
Namakku  selfie dhaan mukkiyam ( Selfie is what that matters to me)
Time to upload the picture as my profile picture and beg my friends to like it on facebook.

-Chronicwriter

May 5, 2015

721. Nitin Gadkari and his Urine treatment

Nitin Gadkari made a shocking revelation that he used to pee in the lawns of his house. The house was once the office of Sonia Gandhi. Social media was in a buzz because of this revelation and the meme creators sprung into action. 

Tell me from your heart! Have you never peed on a pot of plant? I have done that to the cactus pots in my house when I was a child. I later presented those cactus pots to my maths teacher.

My friend Rahul started making fun of Nitin Gadkari. Rahul is the kind of person who will stop every 5 kms and pee on the road side when we go for long trips. Apparently Rahul also had the habit of wetting his bed even in college hostel. He was 21 then. I am not sure whether he still has that habit. Rahul is a bachelor. To make the record straight, I am not talking about Rahul Gandhi.

With many of my friends having their own organic garden, I thought of setting up my own organic garden in my terrace. But after hearing Nitin Gadkari's words, I have a doubt that some of my friends are urinating on the vegetables. Next time , you eat a vegetable, you might be eating a vegetable that was urinated on by some one.

We might have heard the news that the late Morarji Desai had the habit of drinking his own urine. Many people in our country drink cow urine (Komiyam). I would not be surprised if Urine becomes a refreshing drink that is sold in containers and bottles in the near future.

Imagine a 300 ml bottle of urine being sold for 10 bucks in the retail outlets. There will be a demand for urine in the market. Urine banks will be launched all across the country and many people will come forward to donate urine. 

We might even come across a point in future where "Urine Donation" might become a social cause and Corporates might invest in Urine donation as a part of their CSR strategy. When someone told that water will be sold in bottles, the people of my grand father's generation mocked at him. You might mock at me when I say that Urine will be sold in bottles. But you never know what you and your children might be drinking in the days to come.

Just like the Marine Technology course that is offered as a professional course in colleges, Urine Technology might evolve as a BE course. People with BE in Urine Technology might get onsite offers and might become the most eligible bachelors in town.

Did you see the tummy of Nitin Gadkari? People with pot bellies will be the most handsome men in future. The bigger the pot, the more the Urine. Unfortunately, the author of this blog has a flat tummy.

The person in the above picture is Nitin Gadkari and not Sharon Stone.

-Chronicwriter