Readers of this blog know that Anya was born within a year's time after I married my wife. For the uninitiated - Anya is my daughter.
I have not been in a situation where relatives, neighbors, friends and sometimes even strangers ask a married couple on when they are planning for a baby. It is one of the most idiotic question that any person could ask a couple.
We may never know what the couple is going through. But the oldies don't get it most of the time. They simply want to poke their nose in some one else's life and ask questions that will put a couple in a dicey situation.
Things were fine and everything was going smooth! But now the nosy jokers have slowly started to emerge out of the bushes and poke indirect questions on when I am gonna have a second baby. Wow! How sweet of them!
There are two people who have started this question. Both of them are ladies and both of them are in their 60s. I do not know why Men don't ask this question much. May be they don't give a damn.
I am writing this for a reason! I am writing this to let my readers (including family members) know this is how I handled those questions and this is how I will handle such questions in future too ( sometimes worser than this) if you have the nerve to enter the private space.
Incident number 1
Aunt 1 : She has the capacity to make any news viral. I seriously do not know how she does it. She is not related to me. I know her through a common friend. She has always been that nosy parrot who would love to listen to juicy gossips.
I think she must have been suffering from constipation that day; that she had to choose me to throw her questions.
"So Chriz! Your daughter is going to school. Have not you planned for a second child?"
I thought my single word answer would have conveyed her the message that I am not interested to carry this conversation with her. But she did not seem to get it and she popped another question
"You know Chriz! It is not good to have only one child because your child will not learn about sharing"
The free gyaan went on and on and I decided to put an end to this
"So aunty, why did you stop with only one son?"
"Look! Chriz I am not talking about me. I am talking about you. I am telling this for your own good. I have gone through a difficult phase because of only one child and I can only advice you based on what we went through"
I immediately sensed that she was getting irritated when the same question was thrown back at her and I wanted to close her mouth once and for all
"So aunty, did you and uncle use a contraceptive?"
She never expected this question from me and she really felt really bad. Yes she did advice me on how to behave with elders and tell me what to speak and what not to speak with people. I did not want to be the one with the last word on this conversation; because I was sure that the message was conveyed strongly to her.
Moral : If you can't handle the same questions that are thrown at you, don't ever dare to ask that question to others.
Incident number 2
Aunt 2: This aunt is a relative of mine. I am not saying whether she is related to me through my wife's side or through my side. All I can reveal here is that she is related to me She will be reading this post too. That is the reason why I am writing here. She is a good soul. But she has to get into my private space too. This aunt has a son whom my daughter calls as "maamaa" (Uncle)
She is a little different from "Aunt 1".
Aunt 2 does not confront directly. She comes through the back door. She is the "Pinch the baby; rock the cradle" type of aunt. She will go to my daughter and tell my daughter "Ask your dad that you need a younger brother"
There are two poisonous stuff in this
1) Planting a desire in the child's heart even without realizing how it would affect the child
2) Already making a choice of the gender
My daughter would come to me and ask innocently "Appa , I need a small paapaa (baby)". I realized who was planting this thought in her head. So I told my daughter "Next time, that aunty tells you to go and ask for a younger brother, tell that aunty to deliver a small maamaa and give it to you".
So this aunt 2 is temporarily keeping quiet. But if she continues doing this, I will join along with my daughter and trouble her by asking " Give my daughter a small maamaa". I will ask this question in family functions in front of other relatives and some times would even ask her some questions that I asked aunt number 1.
Note : Why did I have to post this? Before you enter the private space of someone and ask such questions, try to pause for a moment; put yourself in their shoe and ask yourself " Would I hurt them if I ask this question or should I continue to be a prick?". The answer to this question will determine whether you are matured or a prick.