Mar 31, 2014

630. Sunny Leone Wallpaper

This is the only possible way to have a Sunny Leone poster as your wallpaper and still not being ridiculed or scorned by others.


Some quotes get into you directly when they come out of the mouth of some people. I am sure that no one will forget these three points ever in their lives.

Note : For those who have not read the 3 points in the picture, I would request you to read the content written on the right end of the picture.

-Chronicwriter

629. Shocking Prophecy by Prophet "Sadhu" Chronicwriter

On 31st March 2014, the world renowned prophet -" Rev Dr Apostle Prophet Appatucker Sadhu  CHRONICWRITER" made this astounding prophecy. The prophecy is added below

" My Dear Mortals of India, 

Within One month, the Nation will witness a great shocking incident because of the Angels standing near the Indian Ocean. This Angel will be riding a purple horse and he will carry a bucket of purple ink which also might look like blue ink (In some cases, it is also black in color). The underlying thing is, it will be INK. The Ink angel will pour out his spirit on many people in India. These common citizens of the country will have this mark on their fingers. Many such victims will take a picture like this and upload on Facebook.

This prophecy will come to pass. It will happen. I am the first prophet to predict this great apocalypse that is gonna attack and suppress and oppress the nation. This prophecy is not prophesied by anyone in this world. Even the saffron color frock wearing Sadhu who appears in a Christian TV channel has not got this revelation.
 Jai Ho"
- By First class Prophet
Rev Dr Apostle Prophet Appatucker Sadhu CHRONICWRITER".

Mar 28, 2014

628. Every gang has this guy



Every gang has this guy in it. He is the butt of all jokes in the gang. He is also the live wire for the whole group. He is the entertainment package for the rest of the members of the gang. Everyone takes him for granted and at times they even cross their limit with him; but he always maintains his cool. That is the speciality of this guy. In this post, we are going to learn 5 wonderful mantras for life from this guy

1) He makes us smile

He might be the comedy piece for the group. He knows that too. But he does not mind that. He does his duty perfectly well. He makes others smile. When he is around everyone feel light at heart. There is no vacuum among them. There is never a dull moment when he is around

2) He is thick skinned

What ever you do to him, he does not give a damn. His skin is very thick. He does feel the pain inside. But as he has taken this role, he models his skin to take the worst hits from everyone around. He lends his shoulder for everyone in the group; but there would be very less shoulders for him to lean on when he is sad. But that does not deter him. He just carries on

3) He cries in solitude

He expresses his sadness too; but in complete solitude. He is the same person who cries inside the bathroom when the tap water is running. He is the same guy who cries inside the closet. When people see him, they can see only his smile. He would have already finished his crying.

4) His dressing style is out of the world.

He wears the funky dresses one can ever see. Sometimes he wears yellow pants and green shirt. No one sets any rules for him when it comes to dressing. He creates his own fashion statement and he does not care whether others follow his style or not. Others may laugh at him; but that's their loss.

5) He is not a wannabe

He is usually the shortest/ leanest/fattest/ not-so-good-looking guy in the group. Girls love laughing at his jokes; but they would never ever want to marry him because he is a comedy piece and nothing more than that. He knows that too and still he loves being what he is. He is never a wannabe. He is just happy the way he is and he never changes himself for anyone else and he never tries to be someone else also.

I have seen people like them in all the gangs I have been in. I have learnt these 5 mantras from these guys. These guys are leading a wonderful life these days.

If you know of one such guy in your group, do let us know what you have learnt from them?

-Chronicwriter

627. Never Underestimate them



This picture is a classic example not to underestimate anyone.

The Dutch cricket team is the first thing that comes to my mind when I see the above picture. Their current performance is a testimony to the world that we can never write off anyone.

One lesson that every man needs to learn is never to under estimate the power of an extremely angry woman. You never know what comes next

Never ever under estimate the power of eye brows, especially when they belong to Gabtun. 


When people under estimate you, always prove them wrong. Stand up to them and let them know that they are wrong (This is the gyaan for today)

Never ever underestimate the power of Fart. They can make and break friendships.



Never ever underestimate the power of Three friends showcasing their love for their nation. Jai Ho. In other words, never under estimate the power of Human stupidity.


Never under estimate the power of dysentery. They have the power to rule you, conquer you and subdue you. The bravest person in the world is one who chances a fart when he has dysentery.

Never under estimate the pain of a person. Some may be concealing that pain. Do not be the reason to add more pain to them (Sentimental line in this post)

Never under estimate the power to change yourself. Never over estimate the power to change others ( Sutta Quote)

Don't under estimate this person. He can do things differently. He is waving his left hand when others are waving their right hand. He conveys the message clearly through  his non verbal gestures.



Never under estimate the silence of a woman. It is the calmness before the storm. ( I am a storm survivor)

At the end of the day, it is always good to be underestimated by some one else. It gives great joy to prove them wrong.

- Chronicwriter

Mar 27, 2014

626. How to clean the BCCI mess?

With BCCI getting into a lot of hammer and tongs, it is high time necessary actions are taken to clean the mess created in the cricketing scene.

The Supreme court has asked Srini mama to step down. Meiyappan must be laughing his bowels out now after hearing this news. Supreme court has also axed Rajastan Royals and Chennai Super Kings.

But if you look at this picture of Srini mama, would you believe that he is a culprit? He has a milk flowing face . If he wears a saree, he would look like the Tamil CM Amma.

There are suggestions going around the cricketing circle that Sunil Gavaskar should be made as the Chief of the BCCI. He is not like Sreeni maama to just hold on to his post. Gavaskar can walk out any moment he feels like doing so. He has walked out of matches in the past too.

The following are some of the steps suggested by Chronicwriter to clean BCCI

1) Srini maama should be made to go through the newshour debate by Arnab Gowsami. It will be mutual punishment for both. Subramaniam Swamy should also feature in that debate. He will prove that Srini maama's son in law is Rahul Gandhi and not Meiyappan.

2) Instead of making Gavaskar as the BCCI president, they should appoint Sunny Leone as the BCCI head. There will be lot of transparency in BCCI.

3) Ravi Shashtri should handle all press conferences for BCCI and Navjot Siddhu should narrate Shayaris in the press conferences for BCCI

4) Vote for Gabtun Vijayakanth this year. I don't know his party's name. But that does not matter. Just vote for him. Entertainment guaranteed. This point does not help BCCI in anyway. (As if the previous points were of any use)

5) Swami Nithayananda should take over as the spiritual advisor of BCCI. This is one thing BCCI always lacked

6) Ashish Nehra should be banned from cricket. He bowls the last over for India; India loses. He went to Pune Warriors, Pune Warriors went out of IPL. Now he was selected for CSK; CSK is scratched. He should be sent to Pakistan now.

7) MS Dhoni even won the world cup with Joginder Sharma and Sreesanth in the last over in a world cup. He can still do it. We all have to wait and see.  (How does this become a step to clean BCCI? Who cares! Just shut up and read on...)

8) When supreme court blew CSK's whistle "sangu" sound came. (Soora Mokkai! #selfthoo)

9) Shashi Tharoor , Lalit Modi would be having a whale of a time now. Sreesanth would be dancing in his bathroom too. So please vote for Narendra Modi.

10) To Hell with BCCI. Let us go and play kabbadi!

-Chronicwriter

Mar 25, 2014

625. Gab Retorts


Some jokes sound really good in your mother tongue. Tamil is a wonderful language and some jokes that you hear in Tamil lose their beauty when they are translated in English. I have still attempted translating some Tamil jokes to English. Check them out here.

Wife : Honey, please come soon. Our son is crying
Husband : How many times have I told you not to go near him with that heavy make up

***

Light Bulb : Edison
Radio : Marconi
BiCycle : McMillain
Telephone : Graham Bell
Theory of Gravity : Newton
Exam : If Only I find that guy, I'll murder him

***

Smile, when you are happy.
Smile, when you are sad
Smile at all times.
Only then people will realize that the nut is loose up there

***
A Riddle :

It looks like a cow! But it is small. What is it?
Don't know the answer!!!
Ok! The answer is  " A Calf"

***

Five things I like about you
1) Your eyes
2)Your smile
3)Your hair style
4)Your personality
5) Your heart; because even after knowing that all these 4 are lies your heart still believes them.

***

Dad : What were you doing last night in your room?
Son: I was studying for exams Dad
Dad : But the light was swithced off in your room
Son : I was so busy preparing for exams, I din't notice that at all.

- Translated to English by Chronicwriter

Mar 24, 2014

624. The Different uses of the Towel

The Towel is a piece of cloth that has many many uses. No one knows the actual reason for which it was invented. These are the different uses of the towel

1) Towel for wiping the face


This usage of the towel has helped many across the world to wipe their sweat. A wiped face is never again the same and the same applies to the towel too.




2) Langod


The Langod is an Indian Underwear. It is also called as Komanam in Tamil. In English it is the famous loin cloth. It hides the manly part from public visinity. A cotton white towel is usually used for Langod.



3) Head Wrap



The towel plays a major part is allowing the world know that you have taken a bath. Though, people may tell different reasons to justify the head wrap, the only thing I can see is that person has taken a bath. Nothing else matters.

4) Shoulder Thundu



In Tamil Nadu, the towel on the shoulder will signify power. The Nattamais and the Biggies in a place will have the towel on their shoulders. Some towels are good and some are smelly; but all of them give super powers to those people. The towel is used by them to clean the thinnai and benches before planting their rear ends on them.

5) Mopping the floor



Towel can also be used to mop the floor also. The towel is used in many houses in Tamil Nadu to clean the houses. Some floors are cleaner than the faces these days. These towels are very soft on the floors and floors just love them.


6) Wrap around



A picture like this indicates that the bathing process is over. It might also indicate that these guys might enter the spa soon. In both cases, the towel is used as a wrap around. It is the most effective maanam kaapathing clothing in the world.

Even in India, a quick run from the bathroom to the dressing room mostly happens when the towel is used as a wrap around.


7) Shawl for housecoat



We live in a society where shawls are mandatory for women according to some men.

The mannequin in this picture is wearing a shawl too. In many parts of south India, women shop around wearing the nighties (house coats). The towel is used in similar fashion as a shawl. Along with the towel, the nightie automatically becomes a shopping dress for the women.

8) Match fixing



Towels are an effective match fixing tool. The same towel which was used by Sreesanth when bajji slapped him was helpful again in spot fixing an over which resulted in the end of his career.



There are many more uses of the towel. If you know any other interesting use of the towel, please suggest it in the comments section. The most interesting comment will be added along with a picture in this post as the 9th point.

-Chronicwriter.

Mar 21, 2014

623. Sunglasses for Summertime.

I always had a craze for sun glasses. I was introduced to sunglasses when I was a little boy. My uncle used to come home wearing a Ray Ban Coolers. He would come home, remove his glasses and keep it in his pocket. I would often ask him to allow me to touch the glasses and he would never allow me to touch the glass because it was costly and he thought I would break it.

Later, in movies, Rajnikanth started showing his antics with glasses. His cigarette throwing skill was one thing I always wanted to ape when I grew up. His next best stunt was the way he twisted his sun glasses before wearing them. I wanted to try that too. When ever my dad asked me what I wanted, I would say "I need sunglasses". Most of the time I would get sunglasses (3 for Rs 10) and that would give me headache.

In high school, when I was in class 7, my friend Rahul brought a sunglass to school. Everyone in our class got permission from him to wear the sunglasses. We would wear it and then ask our friends "How it looks?". They would say "It looks great". Then we would run to the cycle stand and use the rear view mirror in the cycles to see how we looked. It would be a horrible sight. But we never cared.

Years have passed and my love for sunglasses is still the same. Now I have the liberty to opt only for a polaroid sunglass. As it is summer time in Chennai, I have started wearing coolers everywhere. I step foot outside with my sunglasses on. Even when I walk into any office, the sunglasses are still there. Some might think it is rude to wear sunglasses while having conversations with them. But I don't think so; cos of the jill jill effect on my eyes.

Two places give me problems when I wear sunglasses.

1) A dim lit restaurant. 
I find it very hard to eat food with my sun glasses on. 

2) Peeing in the Loo
Aiming is an art. But I feel like a martial art exponent who shoots bulls eye with his eyes closed. When my shoes are wet, you should not associate that with my poor aim.

Note : Sunil Lal's comment : It is always safe to have your own shoes wet and not the one standing next to you.

-Chronicwriter




Mar 11, 2014

622. Robber - Police Game

How many of you remember this game. This is one game that I loved the most as a young kid. The police will be asked to stand facing a tree, with the eyes closed and after counting till 50, the police will have to run around and find the hiding robbers. No one likes to be a Police while playing this game. All of us wanted to be that deadly Osama. 

The very common hide outs when this game is played indoors are 

1) Under the bed
2) Behind the door
3) Inside the shelf /cupboard
4) The store room
5) Behind the curtains.

Some Polices are so dumb that they do not even search these mandatory places. 9 out of 10 thieves are usually caught easily. The 10th thief is the creative one. He chooses places that a normal sane person would never choose in his life. While playing this game, everyone would want to be this 10th person; but due to shortage of time, most of us would settle with the standard 5 places to hide.

Even now when I reminisce about my childhood days, I always have great memories of this game. After 20 long years, I have started playing this game again. My playing partner is my 22 month old daughter Anya (She is 1 year 10 months old! This is for the math-challenged readers).

Anya is always the cop. I am the robber. She chases me in a car and I always flee in her bike. Half the time, the game becomes a chase. Instead of catching me, she would overtake me and run past me. That's when I realised that she has not understood the rules of the game. After intense coaching and training, Anya has become a super cop now.

Check this Video footage where she chases me in one of our games.



-Chronicwriter

Mar 6, 2014

621. Amma is not a Summa

Amma means mother in Tamil. In TamilNadu Amma also means Power. The following pictures speak for themselves.

Note : I don't own the copyright of any of the pictures. These are pictures I found on the internet and I am sharing this here.

1) Amma can make anyone do push ups


2) Amma Blessing a Dog


3) Vishy bowed down to Carlsen. But Carlsen has to bow down to Amma


4) Amma Counselling a drunkard


5) Vaiko pleading with Amma to give one sip of lemon juice


6) Indian Robots programmed to high precision by Amma


7) Ex CM Mr. Paneer doing Suryanamaskaram Yoga to Amma



8) It is Ex CM Mr Paneer again kissing the floor as a mark of respect for Amma


9) One body guard falling at the staircase as Amma waves her hand


10) Fancy dress competition - A man acting as a Goat


11) Ex CM Mr Panneer has not brushed his teeth as Amma closes her nose



12) Pakkathu ooru Ponna Kaiya pudichu illutheeyaa?


13) Fancy dress competition - A man acting like a tortoise


14) Man sleeping in front of Amma



15) The two greatest CMs of TamilNadu


16) Amma becomes a Christian?

Some Christian preachers will be waiting for such news. Mohan C Lazaras used Nagma to preach in his conventions. I hope he won't approach Amma and get a solid bulb.


17) Amma in Angry mood


18) Amma with Manmohan Singh?

Amma : You look like Manmohan Singh
Montek Singh : But I do speak Amma


19) Semmalai kissing the carpet



 20) Amma shows her compassion for a poor father and his son

SAC : Amma , My son is a good student. He gets nice marks. Please give hall ticket to write exams
Amma : Will you copy in exams?
VJ : No amma. I will mug up and come for exams
Amma: OK. Then you can write your exams


21) Student VJ passes in public exams

VJ : Amma, I have passed the exam in flying colors
Amma : Congrats. Next year. I will make you the class thalaivan (leader)
VJ : No Amma! I will remain an ordinary student for ever.


22) Ex CM falling at the tyre of the van


I don't see any one else who is apt to become the Prime Minister of India at the moment.

My Vote is for Amma

Ammanaa Summavaa?

-Chronicwriter.