Monday, June 30, 2014

658. The fake dive specialists

Robben became the butt of many meme jokes on the internet after his infamous last minute dive that shut the doors for the Mexicans in the round of 16 against the Dutch. There are many other footballers who are diving specialists.

My favourite team - Brazil is full of Oscar award winning actors. Neymar and Hulk have the tendency to succumb to the gravitational pull once they enter the opposition box. This post is dedicated to my favourite team Brazil.

Brazil leads the table in the most unfair play award category of this year's world cup. The table below shows that Brazil has had special training from the Russian gymnasts in the art of diving.

The Dutch and the Portugal team who are known for their rough play are the most fair playing teams in this year's worldcup. How ever Robben single handedly has pulled the Dutch team into the top 5 unfair teams with his dive against Mexico.

Brazil faces Columbia in the Quarter finals of world cup 2014. The Colombians look lot stronger this time. But still Brazil will win the match. Scholari has found a new method that will enable the Brazilians to win the match against Colombia. The method is explained in pictorial- story board format. Scholari's new technique is inspired from the movie Karuppusamy Kuthagaikaarar.

Those who have watched the "Karuppusamy Kuthagaikaarar Comedy sequence involving Vadivelu will understand the story board. 

- Chronicwriter

Sunday, June 29, 2014

657. Killer hairstyle of Footballers

For all those who are watching football for the first time in their life (Thanks to world cup football 2014), this post will give you tips for your next style. You might have seen some of these hairstyles in the head of hairstylists in some of the SO-CALLED leading hair salons in our country. Some of the footballers are etched in my memory because of their weird hairdo.

1) The Bad Zebra suffering from Jaundice

Abel Xavier was the morattu paiyan of the Portuguese football team. I first saw him in the 2002 world cup. He was a defender. This guy would scare the forwards with his baddie look. He has tossed many forwards high in the air. His hair style is never ever replicated by any other footballer in the history of the game.

2) The Valderama (Afro) style

The colombian star Valderama adorned this afro style, that became his own trademark haisrstyle in the game of football. Now a days a few Brazilian players have adopted his style ( Luiz and Marcelo).

3) Giovanne Simeone

This Argentinian striker is one footballer I badly wanted to watch in this year's world cup. How ever he did not make it to the world cup squad. He would have made a comedy statement with his hairstyle

4) The Pineapple

Jason Lee was the famous English  footballer who used to run around the football field with a pineapple in his head. He was a treat to watch. The reason for adding many past players is because these are the players I watched 20 years ago , when I used to follow the game religiously.

5) The Hyena tail 

Neymar, my present favoirte footballer (Just because he is in the Brazilian team) used to have this hyena hair style which is a mix of mottaboss hairstyle and Roberto Baggio tail style. This guy has speed. Though this year's Brazilian team is weak in its defence, I am still supporting them because they wear the Chennai Super Kings jersey.

6) The Jim Carrey Ronaldo style

This is one of the funniest hairstyles sported by my favorite footballer of all time. He was the best finisher in the sport. That is why I call him as the original Ronaldo.

7) The Dhoni Hairstyle

With Srini mama in the helm of the ICC, we might soon see the Indian cricket team qualify for the 2018 world cup. Dhoni will captain Indian cricket team and he will score the goal in the 89th minute 59 seconds of every world cup. This will be his hairstyle because he will invent the helicopter Kick

8) The Apocalypto

I dedicate this hairstyle to the Chile players. In their knock out game against the Brazilians, they kicked two things 1) The ball 2) Neymar. They really looked like the villains from the movie Apocalypto.

- Chronicwriter

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

656. The different masks of Sports Persons

If you are watching too much of sports these days, you would have been fed with the whole haystack and most of you would be gagging badly by now. It has been an overdose of sports this month. 

I was watching worldcup football on Sonypix and during the halftime break, I changed channels to stay away from caferio and I landed up in DD Sports where the Indian football team was playing against Mozambique football team. The Indians won. The speed was different. The class was different. The strategy was different. It was a totally different league. It would take years for India to make a mark in the International scene in football.

Last night Italy became the latest European team to be shown the door by a South American team in this year's world cup. One man who stood out was Pirlo. That guy is the Robert Downey Junior of the Italian football team. He has magic in his feet. The way his legs caresses the ball is a treat to watch. I will be missing him in action in the knock-out stages. Pirlo reminds me of Daniel O Bryan from WWE.

In Italy's match against Uruguay, Luiz Suarez stood between Italy and their world cup dream. He did a few mistakes too. In an attempt to be selfless, he made mockery of himself when he was all alone in the Italian box with only Buffon standing in front of him. Instead of shooting the ball into the goal, he tried to pass the ball and ended up looking like a joker. 

But the nasty act came when Suarez bit Girogio Chillieni. This is the third time Suarez has bit an opponent. The demon of Mike Tyson enters Suarez when ever he is hungry. FIFA is contemplating whether masks like this should be provided to people like Suarez.

When I played football at school level, I was the goal keeper for the Blue house. With my short stature, I found it very difficult to safeguard the net. But as I dived around like a monkey, our coach decided to make me the team goalie. During one of the Division matches, I ended up biting the Forward on his thighs. Three of them ganged up and punched me on my face. My swollen eyes were a testimonial reward for my biting prowess. That was also the last time I played football in my life.

The Wimbledon Tennis matches are also happening in England. I used to be a die hard fan of Stefan Edberg. Then after two decades, I have started to like Fedexpress. I am hoping for Federer to rule the lawns this year. How ever gone were the days when I kept track of women singles. I was a fan of Navratilova,Sabatini and Seles. Now a days except for the Williams sisters and a few Russian known names, I don't even know who is in the circuit.

Yesterday I was watching Maria Sharapova in action. When I got out of the house, my neighbour gave me a dirty look and said  "Anna, when you watch dirty movies, please keep the volume low". Sometimes people get a different picture. I am gonna be careful when I watch women tennis from now on. The volume will be in mute


Sunday, June 22, 2014

655. Why this Paadal? - The making of the song

Making funny videos has always egged me in the past. The last funny video I made was a year ago. Yesterday (21 June 2014) is not just the longest day of the year; it was also the day when we wrote the song " Why this paadal?"

In the morning Bragadeesh Prasanna (A good friend of mine for ten years) came home. He has bought a new bike and he rode his bike from the other end of Chennai to my house. Apparently both of us blog too. We were chatting to glory when we suddenly thought of inviting our Blogger friends to my place.

Immediately Bragadeesh called Gokoulane who is known for his ability to sleep in any place and at any time. A Mobile App developr by profession, Gokoulane came home in just ten minutes. After he came home, we went to a near by lake and started chatting. I was personally meeting Gokoulane for the first time.

We then decided to call Vidhya, a Carnatic singer. She is also the sister of Shakthishree Gopalan. Vidhya soon joined us. While we were discussing on various topics, we suddenly came across a topic of paying tribute to Chennai. "Lets do a song then" I said.

Note books were pulled out. A pen was taken from Anya's toy box. Gokoulane and I started writing the song. We did not know how to start the song. So we decided to make that as the first line of the song

Why this Paadal? 
Adhudhaan Thedal

(Meaning: Why this song? That's what we are searching for!)

The first two lines were ready and we had a sense of accomplishment. After this first two lines, Vidhya started humming some tunes and got ready to compose sweet music for the lines. This got us going further. Next Gokoulane came up with two brilliant lines

Kekkura neenga Loosu
Paadura naanga massu

(The listeners are idiots and the singer is great)

Vidhya immediately protested and told that she would not sing these lines. We tried to convince her that it would go well with the audience and that they would like it. But she put her foot down and gave a firm NO. When I tried to convince her more,She reminded me that she punches people badly. We immediately changed the lines

Kekkura neenga massu
Paadura naanga loosu

(The listeners are great and the singer is an idiot)

She showed us the fist. Gokoulane and I are quick learners and immediately sunk into action. The final lines were ready. 
Kekkura neenga massu
Pudichirundha Naanga passu

(The listeners are great; if you like it we will pass )

Vidhya said OK and started humming. The lyricists got back to action.

Chennai fulla Veyilu
Trackla paayudhu Railu
Chappanikku jodi Mayilu
Cooumdhaan Chennaiyin Nileu.

Vidhya got ready to sing. I took the mic I use for recording.Vidhya did some sound check of the song on Gokoulane's ears and he was the first person in the world to download the song directly into his ear. Then this song was recorded in my Samsung S4 Voice recorder. Bragadeesh was the production manager of this song.

It just took 30 minutes for us to write, compose, sing and record the song. The video for the song is also ready. Check this song and if possible share this song on social media sites. If we get 1 Million hits, we will be signed by Apple records. We hope you like this song. 

Based on the response, we will be recording another song that depicts the spirit of Chennai.


Tuesday, June 17, 2014

654. Indian Cricket fans become Gajinis

It has been reported that the Indian cricket fans who do not follow any other sport other than cricket have ditched their favourite game Cricket and have started watching World cup football. 

Talking to reporters, the greatest ever Indian Cricket fan "Poonam Pandey" said that the Indian cricket fans are suffering from a problem called "The Gajini effect". For one month, the Indian cricket fans will only watch football and every one would be talking random words like Pirlo, Messi, Ronaldo, Neymar, Muller and so on. They will start watching cricket after the world cup gets over in July.

Without the support of the Indian cricket fans, the Indian cricket team is rattled by the Bangla tigers in Mirpur. Today India was bundled out for 105. This score card says it all.

This is the first time ever in the history of cricket that the fans have disowned their heroes for the game of football. Mean while football fans around the globe have started to doubt that Indian cricket might be behind laying the football pitches in Brazil because in every match average score is 3 + goals. Only Indian pitches result in such huge scores. There is a definitely an Indian spell behind football.

Chronicwriter predicts that either a team that wears the CSK jersey or the Indian cricket team jersey would lift this year's world cup. Till then every Indian cricket fan will be roaming around like a Gajini.


653. Captain is angry with Jai mani.

The first reaction after scoring the first goal for his own team in his own net, Marcelo gave a "valiyudhupaar- thodachuko" kinda smile. The smile that we all mastered during our school days when the class teachers scold the boys in front of the girls. Apparently when our secret agents questioned Marcelo, he said that he learned this art of smiling from the most eligible bachelor of our country. Sources reveal that as it was a selfie (self goal) Marcelo got reminded of smiling for a selfie ( Soor Mokkai - I know)

Captain Vijaykanth is very angry with Jai Mani. The reasons for his anger is depicted in the picture below. 

After watching the Germany- Portugal match, I found that Portugal team is the most over rated team in this world cup. I should not judge them from one match. Let us wait and see. But Ronaldo was pathetic. His freekicks were all over the place. In a desperation to score his 50th International goal, he went nuts and he started showing his dribbling stunts at a time when it was not at all needed. His speed reminded me of Inzamam Ul Haq'a running between the wickets. The Jai Mani just toyed with the Poricha Kozhis in the world cup game.

- Chronicwriter
( Naanum World Cup Paakurein. Naanum World Cup paakurein. Naanum Football Fandhaan)

Monday, June 16, 2014

652. Who is the best dad?

In a shocking news, it has been reported that on a single day, more than 25000 fathers suffered heart attacks on father's day. Some of the fathers suffered from mild head aches and a few others showed signs of nausea. Our special reporters from around the globe went on a interview spree and talked with many fathers and here are the interview snippets

Mr. Saminathan : My Son is an Engineer and  after he got married he could not accommodate me in his house. So he put me in an Old age home. Yesterday I saw him uploading a picture of me in his Facebook page with the caption "Dad! You are the best!". I felt like telling the whole world that he is lying. But he is my son and I don't want to expose him. I still love him.

Mr Dhanapandian : I am overjoyed to know that my son loves me. All these years I thought that he remembered me only when he needed money. Now, he has opened my eyes by letting the world know that I am the best dad on his Facebook page

Mr Suresh Nayagam : My Son and I are not in talking terms for the past 7 years. Yesterday, he posted a picture of mine on his facebook page and I am happy

Mr. Kirubagaran : I have three children. My youngest daughter felt that she did not get enough share of the property when compared with her two brothers and she filed a case against me in the court. I finally gave my house to my daughter and I am living with my elder son. Yesterday my daughter posted a picture of me on her FB page with the caption "World's best Dad".

While many dad's around the globe expressed their views like this, some husbands and wives also shared their views about their inlaws.

Mr Ganesh : My wife and I are married for three years now. My wife's parents played a major role in planting the seed of enmity between my wife and I. Because of their constant poisoning, my wife left me and is now living with her parents for the last two years. Yesterday she posted a picture of her father on FB and wrote " I am my father's princess". Would a good dad poison her daughter's mind and separate her from her husband? 

All these are vanity.

There is nothing wrong in showing love on Facebook. But let it be implemented in your life too.


Sunday, June 15, 2014

651. Gabtun Shocked by World Cup Scores

Gabtun Vijaykanth got the shock of his life when Costa Rica thumped Uruguay by 3 goals to 1. When he read the results in a newspaper, it has been reported that he sweated a lot and also experienced mild head ache. His BP also shot to an all time high. Only after people consoled him and explained the whole situation, he came back to normalcy. The reason behind Gabtun getting a shock is explained in the following picture.

- Chronicwriter

Friday, June 13, 2014

650. World Cup Football Tamasha

During IPL  season everyone becomes an expert in cricket. People who do not know ABCs about cricket will start discussing about strokes, styles, strategies. During that period, Twitter will be a mayhem.

During ELECTION season in India, everyone becomes a politician. Every Facebook user will start talking about political parties, reforms that Political parties are supposed to do. Some great friends have become great enemies during election season.

Now football, everyone becomes a pro footballer and talk as if they played Dikilona with Pele (thanks to google. wiki, twitter, media). People who do not know anything about football have now become experts.

I was an avid football fan and I remember every single match of the 1990, 1994, 1998 and 2002 world cups. After that, I lost touch with football. I have always been a Brazil fan. Dunga, Romario, Ronaldo and Ronaldinho are some guys who I have admired during each world cup. But in the last one decade, I do not know what is going on in the football world. I don't even know who plays for what team.

The next one month, Social media will be buzzing with Football news. Footballers will trend in Twitter and Indian fans will get more involved in football than the players on field. It would annoy some real football lovers; but still you got to bear with the empty vessels. Let them make some noise too. That noise will become mute once the world cup is over.

As a Brazil fan, I tried to watch last night's opening match between Brazil and Croatia. I know only Neymar and Oscar. So before watching the match, I spent some time on Wikipedia and tried to understand about each player. After going through their profiles, I have a feeling that Brazil may not be the best team in this year's world cup. This was evident from last night's match against Crotia. 

Brazil was not the best team yesterday. They scored all 4 goals (including the self goal). The Brazilians did not play Samba style of football. Their defence looked weak. But still they managed to sneak in 3 goals in the Croatian net. Brazilians even played rough football. Neymar received a yellow card and he continued to play rough game. Seeing his play, Scholari replaced him with a substitute in the dying minutes of the game.

What I hated most was the Sony Pix coverage of the match. It was pure torture. When Gaurav walked in, I had a feeling that it would be like the IPL talkshow and he proved me right. The best thing about the show was the commercials that came in between (This was told by my friend Vidhyashankar).

Some of the lessons learnt from the match between Brazil and Croatia

  1. Brazilian footballers should get a hair cut; especially those who have Mallinga's hairstyle. They tried to score three own goals.Mallinga's bowling action and their leg action were similar.
  2. Brazil adopted the Selfie movement. They started the tournament with a selfie.
  3. All the Brazilian defenders should become forwards. This will increase opportunity for Brazil to score more goals
  4. Dhoni should walk in at least during the dying moments of the match if Brazil is trailing by a goal. Our Captain Cool can make things possible with his helecopter shot.
  5. The Japanese referee was surrounded by the Croatian players and would have felt like "Mummy paavam. No bad words.. No No No.. Daddy also paavum" when he gave the spot kick to Neymar.
I still would back Brazil just because they wear the yellow jersey. I am a CSK fan. Chennai Super Kingsukku whistle Podu.


Friday, June 06, 2014

649. Are we buying Junk ?

In the month of May, a man sold the word "THE" on eBay. Surprisingly he got more than 40 people bidding for his sales proposition. See this [ link ]

My friend Ashok asked a question on Facebook why Delhi Daredevils are not yet sold on Internet sites yet? A very valid question. The game of cricket was sold to sponsors long time ago.

A few years ago, I tried to sell my underwear on Ebay. No one bought it. A screenshot of that is added here for the Viewer discretion. Back then, no one wanted to buy that underwear. Now after so many years, it has become a "Vintage wear". I am planning to sell it online soon. Keep tuned to this Blog to buy it.

Click this [ link] to read the post I wrote in 2009 when I attempted to sell the underwear. The word "Vintage" indeed has some magnetic power. You can sell any old junk you have at home by adding the tag "Vintage" to it.

A few months ago, I saw a handbag in a trash bin in my street. I picked the bag from the trash bin, cleaned it and added the tag "Vintage Hand Bag" to it and even sold it for Rs 300/-. This is when I found out that one can sell anything and everything Online if only they have the knack of selling things. The picture of the "Vintage handbag" in natural settings is shown in the picture below.

When you have not taken worm tablets for more than 6 months, you tend to behave in a weird manner. I behave in such a manner all the time irrespective of whether I have had worm tablets or not. Today I attempted to Sell "OLX" on "OLX" itself. I am expecting some buyers for this.

In today's world the words "50 % Off" , "Discount", "Buy one get three free" have made many people to buy things that they would have never bought in the first place.Our buying behaviour is not based on our needs. It is based on the "Brainwashing" done by the advertising guys. (Chronicwriter is an advertiser too).

Unless and until we start using our brains and ask ourselves "Do I really need this thing that I am going to buy?" we would continue to buy junk and our houses, cupboards, wardrobes will be full of junk.