Jan 9, 2014

607. Husband and Wife jokes

This is a copy -paste post. This post contains a few jokes about husbands, wives and about marriage. 

Do not take it personally. 

You might have seen these jokes. But the whole point of writing all these jokes is to read through them again to have a good laugh. 

We call these jokes as  "Josyl Annan" jokes. Josyl annan is an online friend of mine. He is known for jokes like these.

 I have taken all these jokes from his timeline on Facebook. 

Enjoy these jokes. 

1 ) Advice to Male youngsters, If you want to change the country do it now, because, once you get married, you can't even change the TV channel

2) Argument with a wife is like reading the Software License Agreement.In the end, you ignore everything and click 'I agree'

3) Patient : Doctor, When ever I see my wife, I start to shiver. Is anything wrong with me?
Doctor : You are perfectly normal.

4) Husband: Do you know what Hypnosis means?
Wife: It is nothing but controlling someone's mind and making them behave the way you want to....
Husband: Liar, that is called 'Marriage'

5) Husband : I should burn my brains in the gas stove for marrying you
Wife : We have the gas stove. Where will you go for the brains?

6) Customer : Barber, please cut my hair short
Barber : How short?
Customer : Very short, so that my wife will not be able to grip it when she beats me

7) Someone asked an old man: "Even aftr 70yrs, u still cal ur wife Darling, Honey, Luv. Whats the secret?
Old man:I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I'm scard 2 ask her 

8) A cockroach's last words to a married man who is about to kill him:- "Go ahead & kill me, u coward! U r jealous of me coz ur wife is afraid of me & not afraid of u."

9) Once Mom asked: Whom do you Love more? Me or your Wife?
Husband replied: I don't know.. but your Love makes me forget my Wife & Her Love & care reminds me of You!

10) Husband sent a text to his wife at night,"Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes
and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return."

He sent another text,"And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"

She texted back, "OMG really?"

Husband replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message".

11) A shocking note left by a wife while going out for shopping...

"Dear Husband..Your wallet was getting fat so i am taking it out for a walk" 

12) A woman was kidnapped, the kidnapper cut her finger and sent to her husband to ask money.
Husband replied "I want more proof, Send me her HEAD NOW." 

13) Doctor: Howz your headache now..??
Patient: Ohh...!! She is out of town... 

14) Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket
she sees four legs instead of two! She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done,she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. :"hi darling", he says,"your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you have said hello to them.

15) Wife: Honey before we got married you used to give me gifts and expensive jewelry.
Husband : Yes.... And?
Wife: how come you don't nowadays?
Husband: have you ever seen a fisherman give worms to a fish after catching it?

16) Wife : Why are you crying like this watching this mega serial?
Husband : See carefully. It is our wedding CD.

17) Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife :- Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don't discuss ur problems, no tv serial, dont demand new clothes & gold jewels, Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.

On the way home.
Husband :- wat did the doc say ?
Wife :- No chance for u to survive.
-Chronicwriter

Note: If you can't handle these jokes and if you feel like banging your head, please go ahead and do that. Do not try to attack me with your comments. Already I have been attacked big time. Be kind to me. Please.

5 comments:

  1. Seriously?
    Someone is giving you flak over these jokes, they are older than internet itself.
    These folks need to take a chill pill.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know they are old jokes. But still when you nothing to blog and to increase the SEO for this site on a specific topic, I needed to do this :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've never seen any of these before! All were new to me :D

    ReplyDelete
  4. ^^^ oh and I laughed out loud in the computer lab!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I read all these jokes quickly and laughed out nicely as fast as I can before my wife came home!!!

    ReplyDelete

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