Dec 14, 2014

693. Superstar's Lingaa Review

Bachelors who are in their mid 30s who struggle to get a bride for them would get a burning sensation in their tummy when they see a 40 year old man marrying a girl in her 20s. But when it comes to a certain 64 year old uncle who romances with a 33 year old actress and a 27 year old actress simultaneously, these 30 year old men will only admire the style and charisma of the man on the screen. That is Rajinikanth for you. 

Lingaa is a movie that has got mixed reviews from people. Rajini fans are going gaga over it and the so called critics call it a boring screenplay work. People will always have different opinions. This version of mine is neither for or against the movie. This review is an admiration of each and every frame and showcases what Chronicwriter understood from the movie.

The movie opens with the letters S U P E R S T A R  -    R A J I N I projected on the screen and the audience erupt in joy. Newspapers are torn and thrown in the air. The theatre experiences tremors that could be measured on the Richter scale.

The Introduction for Rajini is the first of its kind in Tamil cinema. Henry Olonga - the Zimbabwe bowler who was once molested by the Little Master does a cameo role in the opening song where Super star is introduced. Super star is accompanied by the Russian belly dancers from Gemini circus.

As usual the mesmerising voice of SPB sets the tone for the perfect introduction song. The68 year old  Guinness world record holder who has sung more than 40000 songs still sings like a man in his 20s. Rajini's make up artist has done a great work on his face. Rajini indeed looks dashing.

Once the introduction song is over, Rajini and his 4 friends are arrested for bad choreography. They are all thrown inside the same cell in the police station. Anushka who was last seen in the same police station a few years back in the movie Vaanam, again makes an entrance inside the police station; this time to bail out Rajinikanth. Rajini steals the chain from Anushka that Simbhu stole in Vaanam movie.

Astonished by his stealing skills, Anushka challenges to go one step ahead and steal a gold necklace from Lalitha jewellery. Together they carry out the most amazing gold robbery that has ever been captured in Tamil cinema History. For the first time in Tamil cinema, Rajini freezes the spy cameras and then steals the necklace.

The stealing scene is copied from an old Hollywood movie. KS Ravi Kumar also follows AR Murugadass in stealing skills. During the stealing process Rajini and Anushka gets locked up inside a cupboard (The same manner how Vikram and Jyothika got locked up inside a cupboard in the movie dhool). A Lizard now makes a sound (This scene is copied from Suryavamsam movie)



Immediately Rajini becomes Jack Sparrow and becomes the captain of a ship. The Mona Mona Gasolina song is played in the background and Rajini starts dancing. The song has the same chord progression of Arima Arima song from Endhiran. I guess A.R.Rahman was so lazy that he just copy and pasted the same song and rearranged some music instruments to come up with this song. This time, Rajini dances better and he is not arrested.



Now as one Rajini is exposed for more than 30 minutes, director KSRaviKumar decides to introduce the next Rajinikanth. The book publishers of "The Hero with a thousand faces - Joseph Campbell" approached KSRavikumar before the movie and told him that the book was not selling properly and pleaded with the director to promote the book in his next movie. So the second Rajinikanth is made to read this book. Rajini shows his amazing reading skills in a moving train.

The Pirattes who danced with him in the ship enter this train and fights with Rajinikanth. After the famous train fight scene from Endhiran, Ravikumar decided to use a train fight scene in this movie to show that he can take a fight scene better than Shankar. The technology used in the fight scene is a mixture of Spiderman stunts + Jackie Chan stunts + Jetix stunts and Super Mario stunts.

The audience erupt again inside the theatre and tremors are again experienced. During the course of the fight Rajini's hair gets disturbed. So in between the shots, the make up artist wipes away the sweat and applies powder on his face and also combs his hair and applies hard Gel on his hair. After the fight is over, superstar's hairstyle again becomes perfectly normal.



The second Rajinikanth is now introduced as a king and the Mysore Palace is shown in the background and they say that it is Lingeswaran's palace. The villain is a Louis Philippe model. Rajini suddenly decides to build a dam to solve the Cauvery issue and because of that decision the Louis Philippe model suddenly decides to copy what Raghuvaran did in the movie Muthu. As a result the King donates his kingdom and his palaces to the peasants and goes into a No-witness place ( Kann Kaana idam) to become a puttu master.

After some time the peasants of the kingdom decide to eat puttu and they go to the No-witness place and eat the puttu made by the puttu master. At this point of time Lingeswaran decides to utter 8 punch dialogues which he read in the book by Joseph Campbell. Tremors in the cinema hall again.

Sonakshi Sinha is given the same saree that Nithyananda wore in the movie he acted with Ranjitha. The same sleeveless rendition of the saree makes the men in the cinema hall to miss heart beat. She is last seen chasing the same train in which the king was first seen reading the book.

Rajni's dressing in the entire movie is top notch. His tuxedos, Sherwanis and his suits are a treat to watch.

The Climax of the movie is the best climax in Tamil cinema history. Jacki Chan is known for his stunts without a dupe artist. Jackie Chan holds the record for the longest jump from a cliff and landing on a parachute. The measured distance was 200 feet. Rajinikanth bettered this record and jumped 400 feet in a bike and landed on top of a parachute. Because of this unbelievable jump rumours start to spread that he would have taken performance enhancement drugs to achieve this feet. So to clear this suspicion he is taken for interrogation by Finishing Kumar aka KS Ravikumar.

Note: Only those who have seen the movie, will understand this review. Others will not understand this review at all.

Additional Note : I am a thalaivar fan. People have either criticized the movie or praised the movie. I did not want to do any one of that. I just wanted to write a review in a manner that would be understood by those who have seen the flick.

-Chronicwriter

Dec 12, 2014

692. Akka - Memories from my childhood.

Yes! That is my akka (elder sister). That's how I call her. She is 3 years older than me. This photo was taken in front of our house where we grew up. The house is located in Watertank road in Nagercoil. Read this [link] to know more about this house.

Akka and I were like India and Pakistan when we were children. I was Pakistan. She would punch me down with a single blow and I would run to Amma crying for help.

The blue window behind us in the picture is a window that I would have climbed more than 1000 times. There is a sunshade above the window and a mulberry tree next to it. 

I will climb the window, hold the mulberry tree and climb the sunshade and get to the roof of the house. Those are unforgettable memories.

A singer tailoring machine will be placed near this window. My mom would be stitching clothes for us most of the time in that machine. At nights, I would climb this window from outside with the hope of scaring my sister and my mom.

On one such occasion, I ended up seeing my own translucent image on the glass window pane at the top of the window and got scared and fell down. One week leave from school :)



This is one of the dresses stitched by mom. My sister and I would wear the same colour combination to church on Sundays and to school on Fridays. Yes I used to wear tie all the time. I am showing my toothless aggression in this photo. I lost those tooth in a cross fire at the India Pakistan border.


This picture where I am sitting on a moda  is taken in the terrace of the house. My friends and I have played cricket with plastic ball, football with a bigger plastic ball in this place. 

My sister and I used to fight for that moda all the time. I would always been asked to sit on the moda. My mom would tell my sister "He is a small boy. Let him sit". 

When I sit on the moda I would feel like a King and when my sister stands next to me, I would treat her like the maid who stands behind the king and fans him with a peacock feather.

All these photos are more than 20 years old. These photos are helping me a lot to remember my childhood in the 1980s and 1990s.  That is the power of photographs. 

We had almost all the fruit bearing trees in our house. We had tender coconuts at arms reach. Mulberry, Mango, Sapota and custard apple were the other trees that served me with delicious fruits all the time. The big jack fruit tree at the back of the house is where I spent most of my evenings. On Saturdays, we would split open a big jack-fruit and our whole family will massacre the jack-fruit like four lions feasting on its catch.


This paasamalar photo with my sister was taken just before we had a big fight for who should clean the water tank. She won as usual.

-Chronicwriter.

The childhood memories series will continue for sometime. I am in that memory mood these days

Dec 2, 2014

691. The Indian Barber Shop - A slowly disappearing Art form

If you are living in an Urban city in India, you would see the boom of beauty parlours and spas in the last ten years. Franchisees of Toni and Guy, Green Trends, Femina, Naturals have taken the cities of India by storm. It has become a prestige symbol for most of the people in the urban community to get their hair cut in one of these parlours.

Offlate I can see one art form slowly disappearing from the Urban scene. I am talking about our very own Barber shop. I still get my hair cut in my favourite barber shop. I grew up in a small town called Nagercoil- the southern most town in India. Even now when I go to Nagercoil, I make it a point to visit Balan Barber shop in Chettikulam. That old man has cut my hair when I was a 8 year old boy.

Every year when I go there, he gives me that broad smile and says " Chennai water has ruined your hair". The manner in which he criss crosses with his scissors is an art by itself. Hair cutting is in his blood. Even when he is not cutting your hair, he would go on clicking the scissors. There will be an old tape recorder in his barber shop that will be playing old MSV/ Mohan hits and Illaiyaraja songs.

Image Source : Internet 
All I have to do is go and sit there on that chair. He would adjust the head stand and ask "Medium or Short?". I would say "Medium". That is all he had to know. He would tie a cotton cloth around my neck and he would spray some water on my face. That feeling when the moist water is sprayed on the face is something that can't be described in words. One has to experience that feeling to understand how it actually feels.

He would then start cutting my hair. None of the present day parlour hair specialists can match his artistic brilliance. He would then take a blade and break it into half and put it inside a razor holder. The shaving behind the ears will start. It would give a tickling sensation and every time I would smile when he does that.

He would put Ponds powder on my neck. and brush off the hair from the neck and shoulders. Then he would apply lather on my cheeks and start shaving. The cheeks will finally have the baby bum feeling. After this, he would dip an Alum block in water and keep it on my cheeks. It is the best after shave lotion in the world.

Now comes the most important part. He would pour a handful of Navratan oil on the head and would start playing drums on my head. The massage is hundred times better than the Ayurveda/ Kerala and Thai massages combined together. The massage would make me to sleep. To give the final touches he would crack all the stiff joints in the body.

Finally he would again spray that water mist on the face and say " Done".  I would then take a Rs 100 note and give it to him. He would take that money from me and keep it inside his inner shirt pocket and return Rs 40 to me. Yes! The total cost for all the treatment is just Rs 60. If I get the same treatment from any new-age parlour, I would have to definitely part away more than Rs 1000.

When my friends boast about their new hair style that they had from the new parlour in town, I would just smile and tell them " You have no clue about Balan Barber shop". Balan uncle must be more than 70 years old.  His brand of barbers are slowly disappearing from the scene. I am worried that this art form will soon totally disappear from the scene in another ten years time.

If you are not from India and if you plan to visit India anytime in the future, please get a hair cut from the Barbers in India. I am sure you would love that experience. I will be going to Nagercoil soon and I will get my hair cut at Balan Barber shop.

- Chronicwriter

690. Tips for Travelling in Indian Trains




There are certain things one need to follow to survive in Indian trains. Indian trains are the home for rats, bed bugs, cockroaches and various other insects that can be only identified by a professor of  zoology.

Carry a rat trap, Odomos cream, "Hit spray" with you while you travel in a train. When the railway attendants hand over the bed sheets, make sure that you check the bed sheets for bed bugs.  Use the "Hit spray" only on the insects. Never ever spray it on the fellow passenger who fights with you for a seat or a berth.

If you are unlucky, you will get a seat in the last cube of a bogie (Seat numbers 1-8 or 65-72 in a 2nd class or 3rd A/C) you will have a treat for your nose. The unflushed toilet will send aromatic waves to knock you down.
 There is no solution for this. Just imagine that you are in the middle of Cooum river or imagine that girl in your college who has that foul smelling mouth. Just bear the smell and wait for your destination.

There are different kinds of travellers you can find in a train. There are the young guys and old men who scan the reservation chart before entering their bogey; hoping that they would be sitting next to a hot girl. Murphy's law plays it trick all the time for those who enter a train with such an expectation. You will always end up sitting next to a stinking guy who has not shaved his arm pits for the last 7 years. There will be kids who will be climbing the ladders and rungs all the time. Every bogie will have a baby who will cry throughout the night. There will be a girl who will be on the phone all night. There will also be that Know-it-all middle aged gentleman who will keep on yapping to glory and give soul stirring speeches that has the power to give you instant dysentery.

You will be one among these people. When ever I get into a train, I climb on to the top berth and close my eyes and go to sleep.

The plug points : The train compartments have plug points that are located near the window. Most of the time those who sit near the window utilise these plug points.

When you travel, take an extension cord along with you and use the cord as shown in the picture. You will be an instant hero in the whole compartment.



If you travel in a chair car, you will face many problems. Getting the middle seat is the worst thing that can happen to you. You will have to fight for the arm rest and if your neighbour is a meanie, your journey will be dreadful.

If your neighbour doesn't give you space to keep your arm in the arm rest, just spread your love with gaseous emissions. But make sure that they don't end up throwing up on you.

These days Eunuchs have started attacking everyone in trains for money. They will demand you to give Rs 100 to them. If you do not give them a minimum of Rs 10, they will kiss you. Sometimes they will even flash for you. It seems that is the highest form of curse that one could receive.

If you intend not to see the private part of a transgender, I request you to go to the top berth and pretend sleeping. If they still wake you up, there is no way you can escape.
- Chroniwriter

Dec 1, 2014

689. Moi Moi - My Chinese girlfriend

This is a picture taken on April 24 1992. This picture is close to my heart for many reasons.

1) This picture was taken on Sachin Tendulkar's birthday.

2) I was 10 years old at that time.

3) The place where this photo was taken is Darjeeling.

4) I had just fallen in love with the girl standing in front of me. She is a Chinese girl. She was a 4 year old girl then. I learnt that she got married now and she has named her child "Chriz". That is when I realised that she had also loved me dearly.

5) The shorts I am wearing looks like a boxer designer underwear. I lost that shorts in the train in Kolkatta.

6) I was shivering when this photo was clicked.

7) Moi Moi and I are wearing the same color tops - A clear indication that we were in love.

8) She was a Chinese girl and I am an Indian. It was a Indo China love story that bloomed much before China started exporting cheap products to India.

22 years have gone by. Things have changed a lot. Today when I took a look at this picture, I felt a chilling sensation down my spine and my body literally experienced the chill weather of Darjeeling. For a moment, I felt like Autograph Cheran.

In fact I took my bicycle and started to pedal it towards Darjeeling. Love can make you to lose all your senses and I was a perfect example of that.

Moi Moi! Where ever you are, stay happy!

- Chronicwriter

Nov 27, 2014

688. My first college bunking experience

This incident is from my Engineering college life. It was the year 1999. I was in first year of the Electronics and Instrumentation Engineering course. Even now, I don't know why I took that stream, nor do I know anything about that stream.

But still I have a bachelors degree in Engineering. That's the irony of doing Engineering in B grade Engineering colleges in India. Let me get back to the topic.

I did my Engineering in Pondicherry. The college was located at the outskirts of Pondicherry - 14 kms from Pondicherry. It was actually in the middle of a forest.

Even if we wanted to bunk college, we had no place to go. The only place we could go was loiter around in the forest. I had never bunked classes during my school days.

During the first year in College, I found that the faculty was not experienced and they had no clue just like the students there.

Some of the professors just mugged up the books and vomited on us. This is what happens when freshers are employed as lecturers by the college management for less salary.

I had three close friends in my first year of College. Ramesh, Jerry and Ravi. All of us had never bunked classes in our school life.


So we decided to bunk class during our first year in college, travel 14 kms to Pondicherry, watch a movie and return back to college by evening. As it was our first bunking experience, we did a lot of planning.

Step 1: The movie was selected. It was a new release called  "Sethu"
Step 2: We arranged four guys in our class for giving proxy attendance for us.
Step 3: We hatched a plan to escape from our campus that had huge 10 feet compound walls. First we decided to escape from class after the first period was over. We decided to go to the boys hostel rest room which next to the 10 feet tall compound wall. We planned to get on top of the rest rooms in the hostel and decided to reach the compound wall and escape from there.

The day started well. The sketch went well as we had planned. After the morning assembly was over, we went to the rest room. We stayed inside the rest room till the classes started. Then we sneaked out of the rest room.

We all got on top of the rest room. I was the smallest of the four and I climbed the wall in a jiffy. Jerry and Ramesh also joined me soon. But Ravi was on the fatter side and he found it real hard to get on top of the rest room.

I tip toed on the roof of the rest room ( Asbestos Sheet) and reached the wall. Jerry and Ramesh followed suit. We jumped on the other side of the wall and waited for Ravi to reach the wall.

All we heard was a shattering sound. We understood that Ravi had placed his legs in the centre of the aspestos roofing and it shattered.

We did not know what to do. Then we heard an agonising cry which sounded like Usha Uthup's voice in G major scale. It was Ravi. We climbed back into the college and found Ravi inside the toilet with a broken arm.

The next moment , we lifted him and carried him to the college Administration room and soon we were in the college van accompanying Ravi to the hospital.

We created a story too. A big stone was placed in the CRIME SCENE to tell the college authorities that miscreant from outside had thrown a big stone towards the college hostel and Ravi happened to be a victim because he was taking a dump in the loo.

For the next three months, we had security around the boys hostel toilet. I am revealing this secret after ten long years. Well! That was my first college bunking experience.

Note: Is this a true story? You gotta ask my college friends. Ravi, Ramesh and Jerry! I request you guys to confuse people even further.

-Chronicwriter

Nov 25, 2014

687. Take that extra effort


I have been trying to publish a novel for the last 6 years. I have not succeeded in it. Procrastination, lack of interest and discipline and getting bogged down often are the reasons for this lag.

It would be a great feeling to finally publish the book and release it. Many of my friends have published books. Many a time, I look at them and think "Why I am unable to do so?".

Yes I have a goal. I know I can achieve the goal; but still I am unable to reach there yet. Why?

We all know the answer. The answer is simple. If we really try with all our heart and when we put effort, it will reap good results.

On paper, It looks goods and it brings a smile on my face when I read such inspirational lines. I have often shared inspirational quotes on my FB timeline. Many have said that those lines have inspired them. If I could Inspire others to achieve success, why am I not able to achieve it?

Two days ago, I was watching a football match where my favorite two players Neymar and Messi were toying with the opposition. In the same room, my daughter and my mom were also playing with a ball. After a point of time, I started noticing my daughter. The game that she played with my mom became more interesting. I started watching her strategy.

My mom would throw the ball at her and Anya would try to catch the ball. Every single time, she failed to grab the ball. I started counting the number of misses. She almost missed catching the ball for more than 50 times. But she did not give up. She had the same energy, smile and determination and she kept on trying.

It looked like a simple fun game between a grand mother and her grand child. But a valuable lesson was hidden inside it. Did my daughter finally succeed? You have to watch this video to see how determined she was. I captured it all on cam.



Have I learnt my lesson? Until I put it in practise, I have not learnt my lesson.

-Chronicwriter

Nov 18, 2014

686. Can a girl pee in Public?

When my friends and I go on long drives, we always stop somewhere in the National highway after a three hour drive to ease ourselves. The men would always stand on the edge of the road and pee on some bushes. The women will sit inside the car and would control their bladder till we find a Public rest room.

Public rest rooms in most places India make you throw up. Most of the rest rooms around the country do not have good sanitation facilities. Many public rest rooms have dried and decayed excreta. Hence many people do not even dare to venture into the public rest rooms.

The following statistics will show you how many Indians suffer because of sanitation problems.

1. Nearly 600 million Indians do not use toilets in India. That is almost 50 % of the Indian population. 
2. There are 940 women to every 1000 men in India. 

Did that send alarming signals to you? 

Yes, women are the main sufferers when it comes to sanitation. See the following two cases where we see how Bablu ( a boy) and Babli ( a girl) handle their day to day sanitation problems. 


Bablu ( Age 12. Class 7, Boy)

He drinks water all the time. He can pee anywhere he wants ( Near the tree, On the wall, In the big plain ground) He doesn't worry about anything at all. When it is time to go, he just goes.

Babli (Age 12, Class 7, Girl)

She drinks less water. Some days she does not even drink water at school. Her school does not have proper toilets. The only rest room in the school is also located near the football ground where boys play football. So if she has to use the loo, she has to cross the big football ground. Since she fears that the boys will tease her, she controls her bladder. The nearest ladies toilet which is located at the factory near her school does not have roof. The peeping Toms from the near by buildings watch the girls in the toilet. So she does not take the risk. She has to wait the whole day to ease herself when she gets back to her home from her school.

The picture below shows a typical class room setting of boys and girls in rural India. 


Ladies are the biggest sufferers because of poor sanitation facility in our country. Good sanitation facility is the need of the hour for the people in our country. Domex Toilet Academy India has taken a wonderful effort with a mission to build 24000 toilets in rural India by the year 2015. 

As a reader of this blog, I request you to help build more toilets across our country. All you have to do is click the following link [  http://www.domex.in/ ]. By clicking the contribute button in the link, Domex will contribute Rs 5/- on your behalf to eradicate open defecation.

Join hands with me in building a Toilet for Babli. Make our country a better place to live in

- Chronicwriter.

Nov 17, 2014

685. What extra make up can do to you?


If you are married, take a look at the above picture.

Now take your marriage album, open it and take a look at yourself. If you are a guy, look at your wife. 9 out of 10 times the above picture will be there in your album.

The make up artists pour paints on the girl's face and say" Only if you have make up like this, it will look good in the photographs". But in reality, your painted face will look the same in the photographs also.

In Indian weddings, the bride and the groom will stand for hours at the reception receiving gifts from all the visitors. At the end of the photo session, the bride will look like a Tsunami affected victim.

Some brides look like someone threw up on their face. This is why you need to think twice before you select your make up artist. 

Now let us move away from the bride and let us focus our attention on the maid of honour and all the bride's maids. These days it has become a trend to have at least 5 bride's maids at weddings. All these girls will be wearing a frock (Most of the time). Some of the girls will be comfortable wearing the frock. But there will always be that one bride's maid who would be wearing a frock for the first time in her life. We can easily find the culprit by just looking at how they carry themselves on the wedding day.




The guys at the wedding will be as usual jollu vittufying  at all the girls at the wedding reception.

Another gang you can notice in a wedding reception is the group of girls who had coloured their hair for the first time. I don't know what force makes them to take the decision to have those streaks in their hair. Some times they over do their colouring act and appear as if they are in a halloween party.

 


Finally, a wedding also throws surprises for us. When we are all dejected looking at all the extra make ups done by the girls, our eyes would finally land up on that one girl whom we all failed to notice during our college days. 

She would walk with such an elegance that would make us all think "How did we fail to notice her during college life?"




This is an attempt by me to take the reader through the incidents that happened during their weddings. Underneath the PJs cracked in this blog, I would be happy if you revisited your happiest moments in life and had a smile on your face. Keep smiling

- Chronicwriter.

Nov 14, 2014

684. Children Day is also Tuning Day

There is a Child inside everyone of us. I can see Pregnant ladies smiling for that line.

Even if you are 50 years old, you tend to let out that inner child out once in a while. During such occasion, people around you might tell you to act your age.

14th November is one day you can be all that you want to be. I remember my childhood days and when I think of all the crazy stuff I had done, I often ask myself "Why did I grow old?". My alter ego will immediately tell me "Dai! You are still young".


I believe the more you tease someone you either kill him emotionally or make him stronger. I have gone through emotional abuses as a child from my so called friends. That did not kill me. It made me strong.

There was a time people used to make fun of Sreesanth for his antics. But he proved his mettle in the 2007 world cup. Regarding the spot fixing scandal, I still believe a big gang is involved.

Virat Kohli, Rohit Sharma, Sir Jadeja, Nehra were characters that were made fun of at different point of time. They all answered their critics with their performances. Actor Dhanush is also one example.

Today is the birthday of Tuning King Lingu. He was such a respected director till he released Anjaan. Then he has become the centre of all jokes. Meme creators have a whale of a time when ever they see him. The once respcted director is now treated as a joker. This could change if he could bounce back.

80 % of the people who made fun of Lingu and his movie Anjaan had not watched the movie - Spy report 2014
14th of November should also be celebrated as Tuning Day. This is my humble request to those who draft the History books. Why should Chacha Nehru have all the fun alone?

In Tamil Chacha means "Chithappa". But instead of calling him as Chithappa, we address him as "Maamaa". That means Indira Gandi is my Mora Ponnu. There must be some conspiracy behind this maamaa -chithappa confusion.



When I was a child, my cousins and I would stand near a wall and pee on the wall and would compete with each other to see who can pee higher. I used to be the winner almost all the time. It has been a long time playing this game. Now I am gonna call my cousins and challenge them once again to rekindle memories that are buried for more than 20 years.

If you as a reader can provide your house walls for us to stage our competition, please send your address in the comment section. We will paint your walls with uric acid.

-Chronicwriter.

Nov 13, 2014

683. The Secret behind Rohit Sharma's success

Rohit Sharma! Once hailed as the only batsman who had the talent in him to better Sachin's records lost his way somewhere in the middle of his career. Sachin once said that Rohit will score 10000 test runs in his career. For sometime it seemed as though Sachin was joking; but Sachin might be right.

Rohit Sharma was one of the reasons for India's 2007 T20 world cup win. Many would remember Yuvraj Singh's blistering performance in that world cup; Sreesanth's performance against the Aussies, Joginder Sharma's last overs. But if you had watched that world cup closely, Rohit played two beautiful knocks in that world cup triumph. His 50 against South Africa enabled India to qualify for the semi finals. In the finals he showed his class again with a quickfire 30 of 16 balls against the Pakistanis.

But after those performances, Rohit Sharma became a lazy goose and he lost his place in the Indian cricket team. He was not even selected for the 2011 world cup squad.

He was the butt of many jokes in the Internet world. He was labelled as NO HIT Sharma. He was rude in answering his critics and this made people to make fun of him even more. He once said that Critics are like girlfriends; they never stop thinking about you". Those lines indeed have so much meaning in it.

He has gone through his lows in relationships too. He dated top model Sofia Hayat. I don't know why they call her as a top model. She broke up with him citing reasons that he never acknowledged their relationship in public.


Her break up with Rohit Sharma on Twitter made him look more like a villain in the public space. Her Tweet was so strong against him that made him lose many followers. She bluntly said that he was not a gentleman.


Later, close associates who knew their relationship revealed the exact reason behind the break up. She broke up with Rohit two years ago (October 2012). Rohit was not performing well at that time and there was a rumour that Rohit was still in the team only because of Dhoni.

This was a classic example of the statement that some girls only associate themselves with popular men. Rohit's dip in form might be because of his relationship with Sofia Hayat. This is just a conspiracy theory.

Rohit did not grow a beard. Infact he started concentrating on his batting and he started batting beautifully. In the year 2013 he scored 209 and in 2014 he scored a brilliant 264. The girls who were so much crazy about Virat Kohli are now going gaga over Rohit.

It is believed that Narendra Modi passed on some super powers to Rohit Sharma that did this trick in Rohit's life. See the below picture where Narendra Modi passes on his super power to Rohit Sharma


The SriLankan team was lured to come to India so that the Sharmas could perform well in the series. Ishant Sharma, Anushka Sharma and Rohit Sharma made full use of the series to prove their worth


Rohit's performance has also indirectly shut the doors for Sehwag of making any sort of come backs into the Indian team. The opening batsman spot is now up for grabs and Rahane, Gambhir, Dhawan, Uthappa have to fight it out for that spot.

Finally, his ex-girlfriend is trying to hit on him again. When everyone were praising Rohit for his brilliant performance, Sofia bared it all and tweeted this


-Chronicwriter

Nov 10, 2014

682 . How to make a successful movie in Tamil?

Steps in making a Tamil movie popular

1) The Director (Read Famous director) should announce that he is making a movie. He should not tell the name of the movie.

2) The Social media crowd (Read as FB users) will go crazy thinking about who the Hero would be and what the story could be?

3) Some FB users will create rumours that thala or thalapathy is acting in that movie

4) The Director now releases the name of the movie and also the actor's name.

5) FB fans go mad again. If Thala is the hero, then thalapathy fans will curse all the thala fans and their family members using foul language learnt during school days.

6) The Director will then announce that the movie teaser will be released on a particular day.

7) The meme creators on FB will create memes and share it across the virtual globe and will have happiness that they had done a great deal of work for mankind.

8) The director will have to then make an announcement that the movie is produced by the onnu vitta chithappa of the ex-girlfriend of Rajapakshe's aunt's son.

9) Immediately few political parties will raise slogans against the movie.

10) Debates on whether the movie should be released or not will be telecast on national television. Sema TRPs (By the way! What is the full form of TRP? Who cares!?!)

11) In the middle of all this mayhem, the director releases the trailer.

12) FB users will again create conspiracy theories. Some of them will even go to the extent of posting articles with the title " Movie story leaked"

13) The director will then announce the movie release day and will make an announcement that the producer's name will not displayed on screen (Who cares? The producer still takes his share)

By this time, the movie would have already become a massive hit even before hitting the screens.

14) The Movie will be released on theatres.

15) Thiruttu DVDs  (Theatre print / Internet print / 2.1 /5.1) will be released on consecutive days

16) Some Social media Magnet will do research on some Korean movies and will expose that the movie was shamelessly copied from a South Korean movie

17) Meme creators will have major fun on FB again by kilichufying the director.

The process goes on.

-Chronicwriter

Oct 27, 2014

681. Pulicat Tales

History used to be my favourite subject during my school days. My grand mother was a History teacher in Sarah Tucker School in Tirunelveli and she taught me Indian History when I was a small boy.

This year, I visited a place called Pulicat (Pazhaverkadu in Tamil) which is at the TamilNadu- Andhra Pradesh border. The place has a rich history. The Arabs, The Portuguese, The Dutch and The British ruled this place.

When I visited the place, I could still sense the Dutch smell in the soil. I do not know how to explain that feeling.

Pulicat has a Natural harbour and the East Indian trade flourished because of this harbour. Every country around the world has had laid its eyes on India and used this port to enter our country. I am sitting in the exact location through which foreigners invaded our country. 


Behind me, One can see a small green patch of land. The Sriharikota Rocket launch pad from where ISRO launches rockets left-right and centre is located in that place. The locals of the region say that they can see the rocket launch with bare eyes.

The Dutch had done great trade in this place, in the 17th and 18th centuries. They had traded with spices and coin minting in this region for over 200 years. The Britishers finally defeated the Dutch and took control of the region.

Even today there is a Dutch cemetery in this place. This is the entrance of the cemetery. 

A skeleton of a lady with a baby in her tummy welcomed me into the cemetery. She reminded me of one of my girlfriends during my college days.

As I entered the cemetery, I noticed some illuminati symbols in the cemetery. 

Some of the Generals and big shots of the Dutch Government are laid to rest in this place. 

The Cemetery does not look like a Christian cemetery at all. It looks like some cultish cemetery with skeletons and skulls all over the place. 

Film makers should definitely scan this area for some great ideas for horror movies.

Opposite to the cemetery the ruins of the Fort Geldria can be seen. The site is now closed for archaeological purposes.


If you are a good conversationalist, you can befriend a local fisherman who will take you around the place in his boat. There is a beautiful island that will make you think that you are in Seychelles. 



And if you visit this place, do not forget to buy crab and prawns. You get the best crabs and prawns in the country in this place. The Buckingham canal (Cooum river) originates from this place.The river has very clean water and even today locals use boat to commute in this canal.

If you are living in Chennai and if you had not visited the place, it is high time you visited this place with family and friends. Search in google maps for directions.

- Chronicwriter

Oct 23, 2014

680. My Struggle with Coconut sticks for Diwali

When I think of Diwali in Nagercoil, I can think only of crackers. I spent my childhood in a place called Nagercoil - The Best place on planet earth.

As a child I never knew the background of why they celebrated Diwali in the first place. But I loved crackers. For me "Diwali was all about bursting crackers ".

When ever I asked my parents to buy me crackers, they would always say " Why should we burn currency?". I was around ten years of age then.

I would feel like replying " Mom, You burn all the dosas and puris in the kitchen. Did I ever ask you why you waste the flour?". But I would not ask that to her.

Then I would feel like asking my dad "Appa! You ride your lamby scooter at 10 km per hour in first gear. Even a person can overtake you by walking. Aren't you wasting fuel?". But I would keep quiet.

I knew that I could argue with logical reasoning. But I was scared of my mom big time. She was a terror. She would beat me with coconut sticks. I used to hate coconut sticks. They look very thin; but they can give you pain.

My Mom used to chase me around the house with coconut sticks. I was a really good runner and I would scramble through the house.

But my sister used to be a stumbling block for me  on many occasions. She would come and block me so that Mom could catch me and beat me with those coconut sticks.

Many a time, I would even run past my sister. My Mom was a good runner too. She is like the 400 X 4 Indian relay team runner. Coconut sticks will be kept in window panes in all the rooms of the house.

So when she is on the chase, she would pick a stick from one of the windows and would still continue chasing me. The window would give her the baton to her all the time.

The problem with me was , I was not a long distance runner. I used to run out of steam and eventually I would be cornered.

I used to cry to my Mom and say " Please beat me with your hand on my back or on my butt. Please don't beat me with the coconut stick."

The coconut sticks would leave a mark on my leg. I was not worried about the pain; but I was more concerned about my class girls seeing the marks on my legs.

Back then I never knew how to gain sympathy from girls using the scars on my legs . So I never used it for my advantage. I only learnt those tricks later in my life.

Let me come back to crackers. My dad will say that If I get first rank in quarterly exams he would buy me a pack of crackers.

I will get first rank and he will buy me a pack of crackers that would contain Changu Chakram (Fire Top) , Bus Vaanam ( Pot) and Sparklers.

Noise crackers were a big No, because I was scared of them.

This picture here will give a very clear picture on how scared I was. My legs will shiver big time and sometimes I would even pee a little when I handle fire.My first noise cracker was bijili when I was 12 years old.

In this post I want to remember the poor people I have across when I was a child. I have seen little children who would wait the whole day for a new pair of clothes. Their parents would not be able to afford to buy them those clothes.

These children will walk around in our street and use the burnt crackers. Sometimes they stand in a corner of the street and watch others burning crackers and these little children will applaud every time someone else lit a cracker. We may see them even now. These children are everywhere around us.

I don't wanna use this blog post for advice. I am not gonna ask you not to light crackers. All I am asking you is, when you light a cracker, don't do it alone, just with your family. Invite the needy, poor children and celebrate along with them. If they can't buy new clothes; buy clothes for them.

Real happiness is not when you smile alone. It is when you make others smile too. That's why I write.

-Chronicwriter.

Oct 16, 2014

679. America for sale

This one is howlarious. America is for sale for just Rs 25. 

The price is negotiable too it seems.

The buyers should be Vegans.




Good friends and family members of Chronicwriter are banned from buying this land because of undisclosed reasons.

Interested buyers are requested to call Chronicwriter immediately from their mottai maadi.

- Chronicwriter.

Oct 3, 2014

678. Actor Vijay's 6 packs


Recently a poster on Kathi film was released on Facebook by Vijay Fans. As I used to be a die hard fan of actor Vijay, I intently looked at the picture and was happy to know that my (once) favourite actor has worked hard for his six packs. I even started to cry looking at the poster. 

I searched on search engines to see how his body had transformed over the years. The picture below shows that Vijay only had one pack a few years ago. So when I saw this picture, I started to cry even more. Only a person with determination, dedication and dignity will work to get such a body in little time.



Later, as my respect for him grew, I started to search for more pictures. A still from the movie Velayudham suggested that he had a flat belly even then. This picture created doubts in my head. I zoomed in and noticed that he was wearing a tantex jetty; but in the Kathi Poster, Vijay was wearing a Calvin Klein jetty. Would my hero be disloyal to a brand in just few years? I knew that he would not do that. So I even had doubts whether someone had done photoshop and had stolen some other body and used it on Vijay.





So I started doing a research on all the VIPs in India who wear Calvin Klein Jetty. I found out that only two VIPs in India wear CK jetties. One is me and the other one is Hrithick Roshan. I was sure that no one had superimposed Vijay's face on my body because I have an even stronger and muscular body. So my doubts zeroed down on Hrithick. So I searched for Hrithick's pictures and found a picture of Hrithick wearing a CK jetty in the movie Kites.




Some die hard fan of Vijay had stolen Hrithik's body and has claimed it to be Dr. Vijay's body. If he had asked me, I would have done better photoshop work and no one could have found it. If you steal, steal intelligently.

Note: I am not an Ajith Fan. Can't I be a Powerstar fan?

A common man
-Chronicwriter.


Sep 24, 2014

677. Dream Newshour panel with Arnab Gowsami



This is the dream panel I want to see in The Newshour on TimesNow. Choosing a topic for these 7 people to discuss in itself is an herculean task.  You might ask me why I have chosen these 7 people to be on the panel to torture Arnab. The reasons are given below

Captain Vijaykanth: 

He is the leader of the opposition in the Tamil Nadu assembly. Alcohol cannot do any harm to him. He is the one who harms alcohol all the time. He was always chased by heroines on screen for his out-of-the-world handsome looks. He can even make Arnab look like a Bagishan Dheeviravaadhi. He is also a brilliant man who is eternally confused between Hindi and English. Watch this video where Captain show's his Hinglish skills.





Manmohan Singh: 

He has ruled this country for ten long years. If you have doubts on that, we can have another news hour debate on that topic. But in my opinion, he is the brain behind the 1991 LPG movement under Rajiv Gandhi's regime. This man can single handedly torture Arnab with his silence.


Poonam Pandey

She is for the TRPs. She comes under the barking dog seldom bite category. She has her own fan base ranging from 10 year olds to 90 year old men. She would single handedly make a majority of viewers to fixate their eyes on her during the entire debate. (Remember! Our main aim is to shift our focus away from Arnab Gowsami). I am not adding any picture of Poonam Pandey here.

Subramanian Swamy

A movie will be a treat to watch only when it has unexpected twists and turns. Unless and until we have a conspiracy specialist in a panel, any debate will be soora mokkai. Swamiji is the best candidate to fill that spot. He is an exposing specialist. He can prove that Sonia Gandhi is not Sonia Gandhi. Unlike TOI which exposes the cleavages of human beings and Gorillas, Swamiji is an expert in transactional analysis. He can single handedly make the interview interesting. No wonder he was a regular at the Newshour when UPA Government was at the helm. This is a short clip of Subramaniam Swamy throwing his gyan on the longest typing mistake.




Siddhu Paaji

He has lightened up the commentary box with his one liners. He has electrified the fourth umpire sessions with his shaiyaris. He has entertained the members of the assembly. Siddhu Paaji is the right candidate to liven up the show with shayaris when ever the discussion loses its charm. If Arnab Gowsami can make room for some cheer girls in the set, Paaji can also shake his leg and show his moves to the entire Nation that does not know what it wants to know from the Newshour.

 TR Rajender

If you do not know him, you are not worth to live on this planet. He is a brilliantly talented man who is teased by many people in social media for his actions. I respect the talent he has. But his actions make me laugh. See this short video. This video single handedly makes him the most eligible candidate to be on the news hour show.






Linguswamy

Finally, the man  of the monet. He is an automatic entry into the panel, because he is the only one who has completely tuned himself for the Newshour debate. 

Substitute: I have Swami Nithyananda as the substitute to fill any of these role, just incase someone does not turn up for the news hour. How ever as Swami is busy with his Yogas and Asanams, we request the TimesNow team to plant hidden cameras in Swami's room so that he can show a full fledged performance at the news Hour.

Arnab Gowsami! The Nation wants to know, if you can handle such a panel. If you have the guts to handle such a panel, I will close this blog and join kekran Mekran company in Dubai.

-Chronicwriter

Sep 23, 2014

676. What's in a Cleavage?

Warning : If you are not comfortable reading this post, I request you to close this page now and leave right away. Don't read the whole post and end up saying "You should not write explicit stuff like this".

My friend Swats encouraged me to write this. Thank you Swats :)

Recently TOI created a stir by writing an article on Deepika padukone's cleavage. A special camera man who carried an expensive camera waited for the opportunity to click a top angle shot of Deepika's cleavage. The Kuppai article is here [ link ] They used a one year old picture for writing that article. After some war on social media sites, people started pouring out their support to Deepika

Deepika Padukone got furious and responded bravely showing beautiful reflexes which resembled her dad's reflexes at the net. Check this [ link ] to know how Deepika responded to Times of India. After her response, support for Deepika grew.

Deepika 2 - TOI -0

Even though there were some supporters for TOI, the tide shifted in favour of Deepika. So the think tank of TOI got together and came back with a stronger reply which was nothing but cow dung material. Times of India's response is here [link ]. 

The social media activists again got busy taking sides. Somee ripped apart TOI. Some started giving moral advice to Deepika and some started attacking Pakistan. Even Lady Gaga was brought into certain discussions.

This is Priya Gupta - The author of that article in TOI.




There was a time when Sify came up with such non sense news. But TOI has taken it all to a whole new level. The paper has now almost become a soft porn material.

Another rumour is floating in the Internet  circle that this whole fiasco has been planned by Deepika and Times of India to promote her next film HNY. I am not sure how far this is true.

 An on-line friend of mine Preethika shared the following picture on her wall. This is the kind of news TOI recommends to its readers. Journalism has gone down to such stooping standards.


Times of India journalists should meet this girl who implanted a third breast [ link ] . Will they have more readers who will be more turned on seeing two cleavages? Will Arnab Gowsami have a Newhour session on Times Now? The Nation really wants to know

No one has written an article on our very own Heroes of Tamil cinema who have flaunted their cleavages. 


And finally before I end, I want to make it very clear that when there are cameras around me, I am gonna wear Chinese coloured shirts. I am not gonna show cleavage. I am a homely traditional guy. 


I miss the pure journalism of Doordarshan days (Sunit Tandon and Usha Alberquerque! I miss you both big time.)

Jai Ho. 

-Chronicwriter

Sep 16, 2014

675. Role of Women in Facebook Ads

It is a common unwritten fact in the world of ads that "Sex" and "Women" sell and convey a point across. This is why we see women acting in lungi ads for men, perfume ads and all the ads where they are not even needed to be portrayed in the first place.

This post goes one step forward in analysing how different products, apps and services are using women and sex to promote their products through Facebook.

If you are a Facebook user, you would have come across "Sponsored Ads" , "Featured Ads" appearing on your timeline. These are paid Ads promoted through Facebook. People can promote the ads targeting age, gender, location of a user and many more categories.

The pictures used in the post are screenshots gathered by Chronicwriter from the ads that appeared on his mobile phone and while using FB through his lap top. So the ads will be a mixture of mobile app related ads and Page Like increasing ads.

Sit back, relax and get ready for a Maanam ketta Gubeer laugh marathon.

1) The formal lady.

This app appeared on my mobile phone and I felt that the lady was looking right at me. Only later I realised that this was a social media dashboard promotion. We are just getting started. So Neenga edhir paarkuradhu will come.



2) The Swimsuit camera user.

Can you find one reason why the swim suit lady is used for this ad? It is a shopping app, where they sell products. 


3) The Cleavage copywriter.

Now don't go on a judging spree and throw a tantrum. If they are promoting a copywriter, they can show a caption that showcases their creative copy content. But a girl with horse hair and a low cut blouse does not convey the reality.




4) The camera girl

This group claims that they are India's one and only interactive online photography institute. There are three such institutes in my locality itself. Here also, a girl is needed to focus the camera.



5)The Quikr girl

Quikr is the last place I will search for a job. These days people are dating using Quikr. Again a girl model is used for this ad. This is targeted for male audiences. 


6) Online MBA girl

This is an Online MBA course and it means that you need not go to class rooms or a college campus to do this course. This girl is not even gonna become my classmate. But sure this girl is more than enough to capture the attention


7) Music App

To listen to Honey Singh, why does she need to sit on his lap?  and when a person gets a chance to meet Honey Singh, would he allow a Guy to sit on his lap like that? But this ad also expresses the gilma effect to the viewers.


8) The girl's butt

This is a social networking app it seems. The ad directly gives an impression that you can take any girl to bed by just joining the site.


9) Back pain Ad

Would you smile like this and pose like this when you have back pain? But the models sure can.


10) Online MBA again

Some more Online MBA courses. NIBM! You are a jagajaala killadi.


11) Now a University

They could actually tell the courses they offer in the ad. Instead a girl occupies half their ad space.


12) The cute bank girl

It is an App by ICICI. The cute girl will indeed catch the user attention.




 13) MBA in USA

Now how many guys want to do an MBA in USA?


14) MTV ad

This is why I am scared to watch MTV at home. I never know what pops up on TV. Sunny Leone for a music channel Ad.


15) Shruthi 

Finally they have used Shruthi too for a lousy mobile recharge ad :(



16) The tablet girl

How many of you saw the tabs before seeing the girl?

17) Social Networking App again

I have never seen people like this lying on the sand near my house. 


-Chronicwriter

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