Nov 26, 2013

598. Travelling in Airplane

Travelling in airplanes is one of my favorite activities. It helps me to see people showing their different colors. This post explains the type of people who travel in airplanes. It also helps the reader in understanding the behavioral pattern of people who travel in airplanes. The following points will help you in understanding all the nuances of travelling in an airplane. Once you are through with this post, you become qualified to be interviewed by Arnab Gowsami

1) Costumes for airplane travel

If you live in Chennai and if you have a jerkin/ pullover/ a hooded woolen top, you will never ever get a chance to wear it because of the humidity in the place. But when you get a chance to travel in an airplane, you can wear this jerkin. You look cool wearing this ( At least in your opinion).

People who have not worn a shorts in their lives will wear a short trouser when they fly in an airplane. There are many who fall under this category. The first time fliers have a real hard time in finding the right costume for their first flying experience and in the end they end up wearing a comical attire.

Some people wear sunglasses while travelling in airplanes. A few men use this opportunity to wear their wedding suits while flying. They will never ever get an opportunity to wear the suit anywhere else.

2) The Luggage bag

Even if you carry only two sets of underwear, one jean trousers and two t shirts, you should use a trolley to carry them. This gives that travelling edge to you. You will have something BIG to check in. If the security guys ask you to open the trolley bag, you are in trouble. So wash your underwears before packing them in the box.

3) The tag-showoff


Many people travel these days in airplanes. Most of the flyers between the age of 21 and 26 belong to the IT firms. They fly because they get an opportunity to go On Site. For many such people, it would be their first ever opportunity to fly in an airplane. 

Many such people who travel because their firm funds their travel fall under the category of people who put vetti scene. These are the ones who will get offended while reading this post. Such people will always try to show off in their conversations. They make it a point to let others know that they have flown in an air plane. They also make sure that they do not remove the baggage tags from their bags; just to prove that they have done air travel. I used to have some baggage tags in my bag too  :P


4) The Important announcements.

One way of finding whether a person inside an airplane is a first time flyer or not is to see how he reacts to the in flight announcements. When the in flight attendees  (air hostesses) make their announcements on how to buckle your seat belt and how to use the oxygen mask, the first timers will make sure that they do not miss a single line. 

Some even have doubts on how to buckle their seat belts. But they would not ask anyone for help. Instead they would act as if they are experts in buckling their seat belts and in the process end up trapped inside their own seat because of mishandling their seat belts

5) The know it all show offs

These are the loud mouthed species who will make sure that they know everything about flying. Their decibels would be always high and they will make sure that everyone around them notice them. They would talk about how other airlines are better than the plane that they are flying in. 

They talk about world politics, galaxies, Scientology and also behave as if they are the ones who trained the pilots. These people also keep on pressing the button on top of their seats and ask the flight attendants to give them "tissue papers, water, tooth pick, sugar, lemon tea, and everything that is not available on the plane. These people will always try to unbuckle their seat belts and take a stroll on the plane. The simple reason they want to show others is that they know how to walk in a flying plane. They remind me of a Vadivel joke in a tamil film in which he travels in a moving bus in standing position without holding anything; only to fall out of the bus when the driver hits the brakes.

6) Conversations with air hostesses


These are the Romeos (jollu parties) who love striking a conversation with the air hostesses. They practice pick up lines to impress the air hostesses and sometimes even succeed in conveying the message to them. When the air hostess smiles at them , these guys would think that the air hostesses have fallen in love with them. Chronicwriter has fallen in love with many air hostesses in his life.

King fisher was one airline Romeos always wanted to fly because of the air hostesses. But after some time, some Kingfisher airlines started recruiting male flight attendants and also gave pants to the air hostesses, much to the heart break of the Romeos. 

The pride of India - the Air India is one airline the Romeos will never ever dare to fly because of the airhostesses. It has been a long time since my last Air India / Indian airline travel. I would like to know from my readers whether they still have the same air hostesses in Air India?

7) Behavior of frequent travelers

You can notice some guys who travel very light. They never show off and you will never even notice them. These are the guys who are fed up of flight travel; but have no other choice because of their nature of work.

8) Window seat lovers

There are few who love to sit only near the windows even if it is a night flight. Few would love to sit on the aisle seats because that is one place where they can have a better conversation with the air hostesses. 

10) The Saving bank guy

This guy does not eat anything that is served during the flight. He saves everything in his bag. This is the same guy who flicks the soap, hand towels from the bathroom.

11.The I wanna go home soon guy

99% of flyers will behave odd when the airline comes to a halt. Before it comes to a complete halt, the seat belts will be off and people will start standing to get out of the plane as if they were in some hostage situation. Enna avasaramo?

-Chronicwriter

Nov 17, 2013

597. Daddy Enakku Oru Doubtu

Every one of us have questions. Every magazine has some sort of advice column where people send questions for which they need answers. Some questions seem very genuine; some are not. But there are some questions you never know whether they are genuine or not. The popular TV show "Daddy enakku oru doubtu?" has unearthed the agony columns in magazines. The following questions are posted at Chronicwriter. 

1) Dear Chronic, 
My name is Alea. My husband is 7 years younger than me. I am 7 years older than him. Can you tell me why my cat Willy is behaving odd these days?

Dear Alea,
Your cat Willy will behave normal when she turns 7


2) Hi Chronicwriter,
I am a boy in class ten. Can you tell me why I watch pornography?
Alan

Dear Alan,
You watch pornography because you are alone most of the time. Start hanging out in groups.

3) Dear Chrony,
You think you are funny. But you are not. You are a prick. Go to hell
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Thank you

4) Chronic,
My wife is cheating on me. She is 5 months pregnant and I have not seen her in the past one year. Should I tell this to my girlfriend who is 2 months pregnant with my baby?
Steve

Dear Steve,
Are you sure that your girlfriend is pregnant with your baby?


5) Hi there,
There are two women who stay near my apartment. They are always together. I have never seen them interacting with men. Could they be Lebanese?
Peter

Dear Peter,
Did you mean Lesbians? If so, the answer is I do not know.

6) Dear Chronicwriter,
I joined the army to save our country. Now I want to save myself. How can I?
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
Where ever you shoot brings glory to our country. Stay there.

7) Dear Chrony,
My wife is 57 years old. She gets angry very often. Do you think she is going through Mental Pass?
Siva

Dear Siva,
If you had Menopause in mind, then yes she could be on it. But does that really matter?

8) Dear Chrony,
I am a girl. What should I do?
Girl 18

Dear Girl 18,
I am a boy. What should I do?


9) Dear Chrony,
My son married a girl and within 5 months they had a baby. The baby weighed 3 kilograms. They said that the baby was premature. Can a baby of that size be born this early?
Fairy

Dear Fairy,
The baby was on time. The wedding was late.


10) Dear Chrony,
My husband is 75 years old. He still chases women. What should I do?
Glory

Dear Glory,
There is a dog in my street that chases my car eveytime. Some time it catches up with my car; but it does not know what to do after that. So do not worry. He ain't any better than the dog. So don't give a damn.

-Chronicwriter.

Nov 13, 2013

596. Nose Pickers

Everyone reading this post would have picked their nose at one part of their lives. Elders would have taught us that picking the nose in public is a bad habit.

In school, the teachers would punish the children if they picked their nose. But irrespective of all these, everyone still pick their noses.

This article explores into the minds of people to identify the different kinds of nose pickers. All these categories of people live among us.


The Philosopher

The Philosopher takes his or her own time during the nose picking process. They put their thumb inside their nose and then make a roll out of the booger and keep that roll between their thumb and the index finger and look at it for a long time before disposing it.

The Archaeologist

The archaeologist is a digger. He digs deep even if there is no treasure inside the nose. Some times he finds water and at times he does not find anything. There are archaeologists who even have got their fingers stuck inside the nose

The Blind Man

The Blind man is the one who mistakes his mouth for his nose

The Hogger.

This guy even eats the booger. There are many such people around us. So when you read this post, please do not give that "This is a weird blog post".

The Investor

This is one guy who saves his pickings in some place. Usually, he sticks it under the benches. Those who stick chewing gums under the tables have this habit.

The Sewage cleaner

The kind of people who only clean their nose once a year and in the process end up removing a snot piece as big as a football. This helps them to breathe normally.

The Gymnast

This guy can clean his nose with his tongue

The Amazon forest

This guy cannot put his fingers inside his nose because of the density of hair inside his nose. Such people have dandruff inside their noses.

The Chinese

I am not a racist. But the Chinese fellow cannot put his finger inside his nose because the nostrils are so small.

Magician

The magicians often have runny nose and they do not even have to pick their noses. All they have to do is clean that dirt off their shirts.

Arnab Gowsami.

He talks so much that the booger forms inside his mouth and not inside the nose.

-Chronicwriter