Wednesday, January 09, 2013

541. Do you know how to SLEEP

I  have mastered the art of Sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.

Sleep is a gift given to mankind. If one has  proper sleep, his day would be so great. People who have less sleep have many problems in life. 

There are two kinds of people
1) Those who stay late at night. They are popularly called as the night owls.
2) Those who wake up early. They are usually disciplined when it comes to time keeping.

I belong to the first group. I am never on time. I sleep late. I have swollen eyes and I love sleeping in the morning hours. I get irritated when someone wakes me up in the morning.

My favorite sleeping position is lying down on my sides, with both my hands safely locked between my thighs. When I sleep in this position I dream big. This is the position in which I make Abdul Kalam proud.

The worst thing is when I feel sleepy when I use facebook. It becomes a very tough choice to make. As I type this post, I remember how I used to sleep during my childhood and How I sleep these days. So let me take all of you down my memory lane. As I share my memory on this amazing gift called Sleep, most of you would relate to it and some would say "Hey I did that too". So sit back and enjoy this post

My sleeping style  - As a baby

When I entered this world, my parents lost their sleep. I used to be awake all night, pooping in my nappies and peeing the whole mattress. My mom tells me that I have the habit of sucking my toes while sleeping. Things became worse when I started sucking the toe of others. No one wanted to sleep next to me when I was a baby.

As a Young Boy

As a young boy , I had the habit of bed wetting. Now don't you guys give that dirty smile. I know many of you would have done that too. When ever I wet my bed, my dad made me to pick the whole mattress and dry it in the hot sun. The mattress would be very heavy. My sleeping sessions during those days were heavenly too. I often dreamt of eating cotton candies during my sleep. When I wake up in the morning, I would be shocked to see that I had actually torn the pillow and has eaten some cotton from the pillows. I was made to use air pillows to stop me from eating cotton from pillows. The bed wetting continued till I was ten years old. After that the frequency became less and I last wet my bed when I was 12 years old. I still remember that night. 

My dad used to tell me that he will put a cockroach inside my underwear if I continue to wet my bed. He should have just made this paper cup solution for me.

As a teenager

When I entered my teens, my love for sleep became so intense. I started sleeping in classrooms. I woke up very late in the mornings. I had school at 9 AM. I used to wake up at 8.30 AM. So some days , I had forgotten to brush my teeth and some days I went to school without taking bath. 

Sleeping between 4 AM and 8 AM is the amazing part of the sleeping life. My dad never liked it when he saw me sleeping on the bed after 6 AM. He would try all means to wake me up. He would switch on the tube light. The tube light would flicker for sometime and that would be so irritating for me. I would pull the bed sheet up and cover my face with it and get back to sleep. Next he would come near me and constantly say " Prason wake up" on my ears. When someone tells that once , it is ok. But when the same dialogue is repeated for an hour, you go nuts. I would still manage to sleep.

Then he would pull the bed sheet so that my face is not covered and he would use this opportunity to sprinkle some water on my face. I considered this as third degree torture. But I would still use the bed sheet and wipe my face, roll down to the other side of the bed and then continue sleeping. When nothing could stop me from sleeping, my mom enters the scene with something from the kitchen. If the morning breakfast is puri, she would enter the room with a puri kattai (a wooden cylindrical stick used to roll puri) and she would directly get into action. I was a Gandhian and I never liked Violence. Hence I would immediately wake up and head to school.

As a youth

As a college going boy, my sleep pattern changed. I started living with classmates in hostel and later in rooms. We never slept in the night. We spent our nights doing all sorts of nonsense stuff. We used our class hours to sleep.

As a married man

This was a period in which I learnt to share. No fights for the bed sheet. No pillow fights. I started living life - King Size. When you have a wife who wakes you up with a good morning kiss and a cup of hot coffee, what else do you need?

As a Father

Now I am a father of a 7 month old baby. She does the exact same stuff that I used to do. She is an amazing sleeper. She can sleep in any position and in any place.  I still sleep with my hands  placed between my thighs. My wife gets up early everyday. My daughter Anya and I are the lazy birds. We keep on sleeping. To stop me from this sleeping habit, my wife designed a plan. The plan is very simple- I have to baby sit my daughter after 6 am everyday. This is a very tough job for me because I love sleeping till 8 AM.  So when my wife wakes me up at 6 am and asks me to watch over my daughter, I started working on a plan to SLEEP as well as BABY SIT at the same time.

Finally I found this technique. This works perfectly fine.



  1. Geetha BalakrishnanJanuary 9, 2013 at 11:44 AM

    Now I see why you are rated among the top humor bloggers around the world. You had me ROFL

  2. The King is back. I smiled lotssss. Your baby is so cute

  3. awwww... this is freakin hilarious...

  4. The part where you described how your dad tried to wake you up is really good hahaha

  5. haha Baby SIT literally !!! ROFL! Good one !

  6. I thought this also works out to stop wetting your bed. Haha
    Nicely narrated one.
    I like the one when you made Abdul Kallam proud

  7. I can't really explain, how much I loved this one!!! U probably should be a stand up comedian.

  8. who came up with the idea of putting baby dick in a paper cup to stop bedwetting ?


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