Tuesday, August 28, 2012

530. Scanning the reservation chart.

Remember the train journeys? Many young, single men could relate with this story. Many married men also fall in the same category.

It was the summer of 1999. I was in college. More than 600 miles separated my home and my college and every time I traveled home , I took a train. It is a customary practice for many boys to look at the reservation chart that is pasted outside the compartment.

Why do boys scan this chart ?

The following are the different reasons .
  • Boys go through the reservation chart to confirm their seat number.
  • Boys go through the reservation chart to memorize the names of all their co passengers to test their memory power
  • Boys go through the reservation chart to promote world peace.
  • Boys go through the reservation chart to find if there is any terrorist in the compartment
If you had picked any of the above options as the answer to the question, then you have not understood humanism at all.

Boys scan the reservation chart for only one reason - "Girls"
  • If a boy sees the name of a girl in the reservation chart, a small smile erupts in his face.
  • If the girl is a teenager or in her mid twenties, the smile broadens.
Immediately after seeing the girl's age, a boy will scan for the adjacent seats to find the probability whether the girl is travelling alone or with her folks. Careful primary analysis is done to also find if she is single or married.
  • If the girl's seat number is closer to his seat number, his smiling face is accompanied by a slow musical background score in his mind.
  • If there are more girls in the compartment, he feels like a king.
The boy would then memorize the name of the girl/girls and will use his memory power to search for the same girls in social networking platforms with the the hopes of making Abdul Kalaam's dream come true.

I have learnt many a lessons from my train journeys. I want to share those lessons here. You can take a leaf out of my experience and you can build a nest out of it and you can even hatch your plans in that nest.

  • If there is a girl in the same compartment, she will never have her seat next to yours.
  • If the girl is beautiful, she will be accompanied by her strict father who has a big mustache.
  • If the girl is extremely beautiful she will be on the phone with her boyfriend throughout the journey.
  • There will always be a newly wed couple who will emote public display of affection and will make you go mad.
  • Finally when you still attempt to add that girl on facebook, this is what facebook does to you.

Yes, it is an unfair world.

PS : The girl in the picture is some one I met in a train 5 years ago. Her name is Diana Victor. Now don't you dig my friends list on social networking sites with the hope of sending her fraansheep requests. It is still an unfair world indeed.


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

529. Shocking Picture of Poonam Pandey

528. Two girls love me

Today as I was driving out of the parking zone in GN Chetty Road, a fortune teller approached me and said

" Thambi, Unga kai regaiya paakalaamaa?" ( Can I read your palm?)

"Venaam, Adhula nambikkai illaingo" (No, I don't believe in that)

"Thambi, Oru nimisham naan solradha kelunga, Unga Moga raasikku innum 5 monthsla neenga foreign poveenga" (Brother, One minute, listen to me. You will go to a foreign country with in the next 5 months)

I grinned at him and he immediately thought that his marketing skills had worked on me and he tried to make me listen to him with some more juicy words.

"Thambi ungala rendu ponnunga love panraanga" (Brother , two girls are in love with you)

" Yov! Enakku kalyaanam aayiduchungo. Oru kolandhaiyum irukudhu" (I am married and I have a daughter)

"Summa sollaadheenga thambi..." (Don't lie brother)

He thought that I was lying and he tried to market harder. I just drove off from that place.

How many fall for such words? Many great sales pitches that win great business deal is done by such guys.

The best time to say no is right at the beginning.

Thursday, August 02, 2012

527. Raatchasa Bandhan

The one day that millions of Indian men dread about is Raksha Bandhan. That is one day that girls take advantage of many innocent boys around the globe. Just by tying a piece of twine on our wrists, the girls will adopt many brothers in one single day. To add insult to injury it has become a habit for many girls to expect gifts in kind and cash from their newly adopted brothers. These days girls are demanding RS 500 for every piece of twine they tie on a guy.

Usually girls target all the baddies in college to tie rakhis. The mokkai paiyans who don't fall into the dude category always become victims of rakhis. If the guy looks like Virat Kohli or Farhan Akhtar even if he extends his hands the girls won't tie a rakhi on their hands. This is an universal truth.

For the rest of the guys, The Guys are requested to remain indoors to avoid such emotional blackmails from so-called-sisters. Tips to avoid being tied down by the raatchasa Bandhan.

If any girl approaches you with a rakhi,

1) Act as if you had a heart attack and faint immediately.

2) Hug her tight and tell her that you always like hugging and kissing sisters.

3) Cry out for help and plead loudly " Don't do this to me"

4) Call the police and file an FIR against the girl

5) If you have a gun, shoot her.

6) Hide your hand inside your shirt and tell her that you lost your hands in a road accident the previous night.

7) Tell her that you would accept it only if she knows the history behind raksha bandhan.

If nothing works the following can be tried.

1) Lock yourself in your house and switch off your mobile phones.

2) Don't go to school, College, Office. Tell your teacher, lecturer , boss that you have dysentery. If your boss is a male, he might give the same excuse to his boss.

Even after reading all this gyan, many guys still fall prey to the killer Raakhi. Not everyone are lucky like Powerstar