Saturday, May 26, 2012

516. The girl who turned my world upside down.

She is just 8 days old and she has already turned my world upside down. I have started seeing the world through her eyes. Hope every dad would have gone through similar feelings when they had their first daughter.

Anya smiles in her sleep. If a baby smiles in her sleep we admire the baby. But if a teenage girl smiles in her sleep she has to face lot of music from her parents. When my little one smiles in her sleep, it means that her tummy is full. If she starts frowning, then it means two things
1. She has soiled /Wet her nappy
2. She is Hungry.

Babies these days have wonderful communication skills. It is the adults who create a lot of confusion by not communicating effectively. I am learning a lesson or two from Anya on how to effectively communicate with less words (or should i say "just sounds").

This is how we wrap her. Back those days I used to sleep in a cradle made out of my mom's saree. But today things have changed and Anya feels cozy inside this bundle. Yea! She is my new bundle of joy.

In the beginning, we just had to change around 20 nappies a day. But Anya is a goal achiever and she betters her own record everyday. Yesterday she set her own record of 34 nappies in one day. She is already on her way of bettering her own record today.

This is her favorite pose while sleeping

Other notable people with similar poses are Dhirubhai Ambani and Dr. Abdul Kalaam. One launched mobile towers, another launched rockets and Anya launches something else that makes me to change her diapers every now and then.

Last night, she got scared of her own fart sound and it took 30 minutes for us to calm her down. Chronicwriter sure has a tough competitor in this field.

Some say that I have a good voice and I always have the habit of singing for my friends. But when ever I sing for my little girl, she starts crying. These days she has started to sing too. Last night she made a tune that was similar to the OST of the movie gladiator.

More Anya stories to come.


Wednesday, May 23, 2012

515. Anya's diary

My name is Anya. I am the daughter of Chronicwriter.

Note to all ladies : If my pappa is sight adichufying anyone; please let me know. i will escalate the matter to my mom.

As I am a small baby, I will not be able to write long posts like my dad. So I will be writing short posts with some pictures of mine.

1) My dad creates noise all the time. He calls that singing. He tries to put me to sleep by creating that noise. Sometimes I sleep. But when I can't bear his noise, I cry out loud and he keeps quiet. He is a strict dad.

2) This is my dad. You might be knowing him. But anyways, it is my duty to introduce him. They say that he is 30 years old. But still he jumps around like a teenager.

3) I am a fashion model and my dad is a fashion designer.

4) I heard that he pulls my leg on his blog and on facebook. This is my first and last warning to him.

5) My worst experience in this world.

With this post, I have become the youngest ever blogger. I am 6 days old.

- Anya (Chronicwriter II )

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

514. I am a dad now

At 5 am on the 18th of May 2012, I got a call from my wife. My wife was at her parents' place which was more than 500 kms away from Chennai. I was sleeping when she called me. Half asleep, I picked her call and this is how the conversation went.

She : Pa, I think, I am gonna deliver our baby now (She calls me Pa)
Me : Wow! That's good news.

and I hung up. I went back to sleep. She called me again


That raised tone woke me up completely. No husband would dare to sleep after such a raised tone. I am no exception.

Me: Whaaat? Our baby is gonna be born today? Can she stay inside the tummy till the IPL finals get over?

There was silence at the other end.  I knew that if I asked any more silly questions, I would have to face a loud symphony. But how do I reach her place on time? The only available flight was the infamous King fisher airlines. When I went online to book a ticket, there was only one seat left on the plane; I booked the ticket immediately. When I boarded the flight, almost all the seats were empty. The local town bus was lot better. The push back in my seat was not working. The air hostess came to me and asked "Sir, Do you want to buy food?" 

The "BUY" part seemed suspicious to me; but still I ended up buying the Non-Veg puff. After eating the cold puff, i realized that there was no meat in the puffs. Vijay Mallya might have used the meat to pay for the losses incurred. The captain must have had a bout of fits when he landed the plane. The plane hopped three times before it came to a halt. As soon as I landed, I switched on my phone and I got a call from my mom with the news that I had become the father of a beautiful baby girl. I became numb and thanked God for the amazing gift he has given me and my wife. Then I updated my status message and rushed to the hospital.

As I walked into the hospital room, the nurse gave me a bundle and there I saw my baby inside the bundle. She was sleeping peacefully. I am not able express that feeling through words here. That is in fact the best feeling I have ever had in my life. She was a little shy of 3 kilos.

Every thirty years a new member enters our family. 1892 - Selvanayagam(my great grandpa)
1922- Robin( my grandpa)
1952 - David ( my dad)
1982 - Prason (Me)
2012 - Anya (My daughter)

Hope Anya would break this record in future. The life of little Anya is something everyone would yearn for. The following flow chart explains her lifestyle.

Henry David once said " Every child begins the world again." Yes, Anya has changed my world yet again. There will be a new series in this blog dedicated for my Anya.

Note: I am still contemplating whether I should use the pet name RENU for my princess Anya.

When my wife told my little doll that her dad is a humor blogger, this was her reaction. This was her first smile too. A poker faced one.


Tuesday, May 15, 2012

513. Dangerous IPL conversations

Pictures speak louder than words. Just check these pictures. This post has lot of Tamil conversations. So if you do not understand Tamil, please use google translate software.


Wednesday, May 02, 2012

512. IPL5- Cricket Ground Experience

30 April 2012 is a memorable day in my life. A friend of mine rang me up and said " lets go to the cricket stadium to watch the match between CSK and KKR". I was thrilled because that was going to be my first IPL match at the stadium. So after work, the car raised towards the Chepauk stadium. The atmosphere was electrifying. We got a wonderful place to sit and I realized that watching a cricket match in a stadium is way better than watching it on TV. 

The excitement factor is all that makes the difference. The chants, the mexican waves that were totally asynchronous and the yellow color jerseys, the placards, the facepaints, the dances, the flags - they all brought a piece of excitement for everyone in the stadium.

Being an ardent Chennai Super Kings Fan, I was proud to wear the yellow jersey and sit in the crowd full of CSK supporters. But call it pure evil plotting by the organizers, a bunch of KKR supporters ended up sitting behind me. All of them were Bengali girls.

The match started and Chennai was asked to bat. I eagerly waited for some huge sixes from the great Chennai batting line up. Raina scored one and and that too just cleared the boundary line by a small margin. No huge sixes to the stands and that was a bit of disappointment.

 Brett Lee was standing near the boundary line fielding for KKR and we made fun of him. But he was such a sport. He was very quick too. His fielding was great and he had such a strong throwing arm. No wonder he stood in the boundary. In one of his dives, he pants tore and we can see his whole legs through the slit. He started to plead with Gambhir to allow him to go to the dressing room and change. But Ghambir told him NO. The naughty Yusuf Pathan started teasing Brett Lee and it was a sight to see. These incidents would have never been caught on camera and those who watched the match on TV sets would have definitely missed these actions.

How could I ever write about IPL without a mention about the cheer girls. There were 4 platforms near the boundary at four corners of the ground. In two of these platforms KKR cheer girls were dancing and in the other two platforms CSK cheergroup danced. They danced for everything. Suddenly mid way through the CSK innings, drums shivmani made his entrance and there was a big roar in the crowd. He would carry his drums and go from one platform to another and he started playing drums from each of these platforms. 

When someone from the crowd appeared on the big screen, they became hysterical. Some painted their faces in all colors. Some had painted their bodies. Some had different color wigs. One such person was mistook by a few for Mallinga. Some had placards in their hands. A poor little girl held a placard through out the match with hopes of appearing in the big screen. The bad camera man did not even capture a glimpse of her. She was very sad.

Around the 12th over of the CSK innings, the girls behind me started to cry out loud as if they all had a sudden attack of dysentery. I turned around and saw some of them crying and some of them going berserk with their hand-leg-body movements. One girl almost fainted. I was shocked for a moment and I thought some weird virus had attacked them. But when I saw them closely, I noticed that all of them were looking in one direction of the stands. I looked at that direction and I found the virus which caused all this. Yes SRK had made his appearance to the stadium. This is what IPL is all about. World class cricketers playing a wonderful game of cricket and girls in the stands ogling at SRK in the stands. 

One know-it-all old man was sitting in front of me and he was saying something or the other. When Hussey was run out he said that the match was fixed. Then when Raina got out he said that IPL was just like WWE wrestling where everything is pre-planned. I felt like pushing him down from the stands. But when I saw that he good muscles, I controlled myself.

CSK did not score a big total and KKR chased them easily. The guys who sold snacks made merry. One cup of coke was sold at 40 bucks. Dry chappathy with cabbage inside it was sold for 50 bucks. It was nightlight robbery. But still we bought those and ate it.

Finally when the match ended, the KKR supporters had the last laugh; but still we were not really sad. When we made our exit, we felt like leaving a movie hall. The presentation party was going on. Dhoni was called to speak and he started his speech with the words

"Well Actually" ...


Tuesday, May 01, 2012

511. Bloody Love Letter

  1. Do you want to win the Love of your sweetheart? 
  2. Is she ignoring you all this while? 
  3. Are you in this one-sided-love battle for years? 
If the answer to the above three questions is Yes, then you are in the big group of men who are not successful in converting their one sided love into two sided love. This post might help you to come out of your Single Status.

It has been a long time since I wrote about my kindergarten girl friend Renu. This article will silence that long gap. I was in class 8 then. We were all in our early teens. Renu was the most beautiful girl in my class. If you are a regular reader of this blog, you might know that I loved Renu and she was in love with a guy called Shabir. Yes! Shabir was the biggest villain of my school life.

Till class 8 we all mingled well with the fairer member of the human species. But suddenly there was a change in the manner in which the boys looked at the girls and vice versa. The girls and boys had trouble to have a conversation freely. Many love stories bloomed during that time. How ever I was an early bloomer. Remember; my love life bloomed when I was in kindergarten. 

When I entered 8th grade, I decided to make Renu - mine. Sometimes I even thought of murdering Shabir. Shabir was the geek in the class and all the girls loved him and so did Renu. 

I was the prankster in class and was a member of the varutha padaadha vaalibar sangam. Yes only the boys liked my jokes. The girls would often write complaints against me and hand it over to the class teacher. Some of the complaints are 
  1. Miss! Chriz is eating our lunch 
  2. Miss! Chriz broke my pen
  3. Miss! Chriz poured water in our bags
  4. Miss! Chriz hit me with a chalk piece
  5. Miss! Chriz is copying from me
  6. Miss! Chriz pulled my hair
The list was a long one. But none of this complaints deterred me from my evergreen love for Renu. I tried many means to win Renu's heart. Nothing worked. So I decided to do the unthinkable. Yes, I decided to pen a love letter to Renu with my blood. So that night when everyone was asleep, I slipped into the kitchen and flicked the knife and came to my room.  I took a piece of paper and just when I was about to cut my wrist to collect blood for writing the love letter, I got reminded of the bloody gory scene I saw on TV. Immediately I stopped the act. But still I decided to go ahead with the plan but with a twist in it.

I again went into the kitchen and saw a maggi tomato sauce bottle (Yes I am giving free advertisement to Maggi) I grabbed the bottle and did this

I slept off in peace. The next day morning, when I woke up, my hands were swollen. and they were full of ants.

Moral of the story : Ants like Tomato Sauce

To read my first ever love letter that I wrote in kindergarten - Click this  [link]