Friday, February 24, 2012

503. As per Vaastu

The above picture is a clear indication on what will happen in future because of superstitions. I am not against religion. In fact I am a Christian who believes that Jesus died for my sins and I am saved because of him. But what do I call as superstition? Anything that binds people in the name of Religion, Sun sign and Cosmo power is what I term as superstition. I am just imagining how people would use a toilet, if it is constructed on the walls. If such a thing happens, only Sreesanth can save the world. Only he has the capacity to use such a toilet.

 My friend was not doing well in his college exams and he tried many methods to score good marks. All his methods yielded him negative results. So he finally decided to approach this Chinese Vaastu expert. The expert listened to my friend's story patiently. After listening to his story she did some mathematical calculations in a scientific calculator and told him that the Violet Lion fish will solve his problem. She sold the fish along with the bowl for Rs 13,500/- only. After one week, the fish died. He is now scared to go back to the lady fearing that she might sell him another fish. He is now planning to go to a Nameologist.

Who is a nameologist? A Nameologist is a person who re-Engineers your name with spelling mistakes and by doing so charges you a fee that is more than your monthly salary. I consulted a nameologist for improving the performance of my blog. He carefully analysed my blog name and asked me to changed my blog name to "CROWnicRIGHTER". He had the following explanation for the same

CROW is the unofficial national bird of India. 

I asked him why he changed WRITER to RIGHTER

He said " A WRITER need not be right always; but a RIGHTER is"

I did not heed to his advice and that was the day when many loyal blog readers of this page stopped coming. I am still thinking whether I should rename the blog or not. 

Many cricketers, film personalities and even politicians have become victims to Nameologist. A world renowned nameologist advised Osama to change his name to Obama. He did not listen to the Nameologist and three days later he was killed.

Moving to a related topic, I feel like talking about Vastu- color houses. Back in the nineties they called it as modern art. The older generation would call it as dirty art. 

It is like giving a little child a paint box and a white wall and after sometime the result would be something that would even make you pet dog to control his bladder when he sees that wall.

Similarly these days, many vastu experts advice people to paint houses in different colors and such colorful houses have been responsible for many road accidents in India. 

Some so called Christian preachers have also jumped into this Superstition industry. One preacher is even selling gold plated Keys. These keys cannot open any bank locker. Who would want to open a bank locker these days. Even bank officials are scared to open bank lockers fearing an encounter death.

The so called Christian preacher promises great ROI in businesses if we buy the gold plated key. The cost of the key is in Lakhs. If only a person has that much money, why would he run into losses?

Then we have the colorful pearls and precious stone business which again targets some innocent victim who will fall prey to the whole deal.

Chronicwriter had earlier written a detailed article on Vastu sastra and how to implement it for the betterment of blogs. Many have used this technique and have tasted the benefits. Facebook is one such beneficiary. Click this [ link ] and receive the benefits free of cost

Finally, I would end this post with a message that would bring happiness to every Indian. Pakistan launched a satellite to the moon after consulting me. They have hit the jackpot. Read this to know more.


Note : As per Vaastu, I have changed the name of Vaastu to Vastu. Yes I removed one A

Thursday, February 23, 2012

502. One + One = Twenty Three

The above photo was taken when the South Korean President Lee Myung Bak visited India. This conversation between Manmohan Singh and the South Korean First man was overheard by our waste correspondent.  Now the social media chat platforms are working on for creating the Manmohan smiley and the Lee Myung smiley.

The above photo was taken when the Thai President Yingluck Shinwatra met the Indian Prime minister. 

Many people around the globe call Manmohan as a mute Prime minister. But we should remember that  Mr.Manmohan Singh has single handedly tackled all the rocks thrown at him with one great weapon and that is SILENCE.

Someone somewhere said that Silence is the best answer to many questions. Our PM lives that quote. I am not being sarcastic here. He has the power to quench fiery darts thrown by Rakhi, Arnab and Sidhu. Such is the power of MUTEness. 

Back home, we always fight for the remote control. 

When my mom uses the remote control, devotional channels will run on TV.

When my sister uses the remote control, it would be some sitcom.

When I use the remote control, it would be Nat Geo or the sports channels.

When my dad uses the remote control, it would be the Channel Scan button which would be crying for mercy.

Similarly the congress supremo Sonia used a powerful weapon and that weapon has even tackled Anna Hazare.

A fan mailed me and said, " Chriz, your posts should be informative". Now you know the name of the presidents of two countries through this post. Even I struggled hard to find the name of the Thai President. At first , i thought she must be a Chinese lady and googled for Manmohan Singh with Chinese lady. It gave me dangerous search results. Then I searched for Japanese lady, Korean lady, Hong Kong, King Kong , Taiwan and finally found the name of the lady when I searched for Thai lady. So great hard work has gone for constructing this post.

When ever I talk about hard work, a few people come to my mind.  One such person is Power Star Srinvasan. He has taken the world by storm with his acting prowess. He is the complete package; every girl's dream man and he has the charisma of Rajnikanth and the talent of Kamal Hassan. One should watch his movies before their death. If you watch his movie, that would indeed be your death day.

Finally, I would end this post with one of the greatest statistical calculation ever made to find the best Indian cricketer of all time. This is the result of the greatest research.


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

501. The making of Dracula 007

Family get together is always fun for many of us. When ever I and my cousins meet, we turn the whole place upside down. We are 14 cousins in all. The oldest of the lot is 33 years of age and the youngest is a 7 year old. Hence we try to play games that fit in for all these age groups. When my cousins gathered for my wedding, we shot our first all-cousin video. I wrote a post on that video. If you want to see that post along with the video click this [ link ]

After a period of 6 months, my cousins and I gathered again. This time we thought of shooting our second movie. We all sat together and brainstormed for scripting the movie. All the cousins shared their views

"Can we take a 3D movie? "

"That would cost a lot"

" Shall we all go to some foreign location to shoot a movie "

We all looked at the one who uttered this line and he became silent.

The smallest cousin asked, "Shall we take a movie of my barbie doll collection"

We did not want to disappoint her; at the same time did not want her barbie doll in the movie. So we said  "Instead of the doll, we would have the real doll- you in the movie"

She was happy.

"Shall we have a tag team WWE match and shall we record it as a video"

I personally did not like this idea , because most of my cousins are well built and I knew what would happen to me if I participated in a tag team match.

"Shall we make an animation movie?"

" But none of us know how to make that movie; and we have just one day to shoot the movie. So tell some other ideas please"

" I know we are having too many ideas. Let us first name our movie. Then we will work on the script"

"Bulla-Bulla-Bong Bong"

"That sounds like a Chinese movie"

"What if we name our movie 'Amala Paul' ? "

All the boys were so eager to have that name as the title of the movie. But the girls did not like that idea.

While we were discussing all these, the older generation of uncles and aunts were over hearing us and they did not like the idea of we shooting a movie. So they decided to be the stumbling block for all of us.

From the other room, One uncle shouted, "Tonight no one is gonna stay up late. You are all gonna hit the bed by 10 pm"

That fell like an atom bomb on our movie shooting dreams. We spent the whole evening playing UNO and bluff; but still we were unhappy that the oldies in the family were acting as thorns in our happy flesh.

That night after our dinner, we all hit the bed. The lights went out and there was complete darkness. After sometime, I decided to scare my little cousins and made some scary noises. They were not scared. They responded with some scary noises from their side. A cousin of mine had a torch in his mobile phone. He switched it ON and focused it on our faces. We started making funny faces and suddenly we had an idea.

"Why don't we shoot a horror movie? We have all the characters in this room, We have a torch light and we indeed have mobile phone with cameras. So what else do we need to shoot a movie?"

The next one hour was spent in shooting. We understood one thing. We can turn our weaknesses into our strengths too. We named it "Dracula Pisasu 007". Watch this one minute short film here.

- Chronicwriter

Friday, February 17, 2012

500. Menaka is a Hot Chick indeed

Men are lovers of flesh. Am I making a generalized statement? I might be.

Exceptions are there. Click this [ link ] to see the only man in this world who has the power to control temptation. Yes, No woman can tempt him.

99 % of Road accidents happen due to women showing skin. ~ Source : Nithyananda Publications

So, should all women in India wear a Burka when they walk on the roads? If I say yes to this question, I am pretty sure that all the women in this country will start to hate me. Not just women, the men will also hate me.

Two days ago, my friend Stephen rang me up and said, "Hey Chriz! Tomorrow, I am going to a village called Karisalampatti in Interior Tamil Nadu with a group of friends. I want you to join us"

" Why do you want me to join you all?"

" The Village is very beautiful and it is green and lush and the climate is beautiful"

" That sure sounds good. But That doesn't catch my attention yet. I can switch on the AC and stay at home and have a great time. Tell me some other reason why i should come"

" The Village has great archaeological importance caves"

" I can watch the same on Discovery Channel"

" Ok we can listen to traditional rural music in the village"

"Not Interested"

" There is a glamaorous chick called Menaka and she is HOT"

"Pick me up on your way to Karisalampatti".

The next day, Stephen picked me on his car and we drove to Karisalampatti. It was a dry place and it was nothing close to what Stephen had mentioned on phone. But we did not mind it. We were waiting to see Menaka. Stephen started to narrate about Menaka and her beauty.

" She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. Though she is married, she still maintains her figure. Her lips are small and cute and she has a lovely neck"

Now we were all eager to see Menaka. Stephen then took us all to Menaka's house. Stephen walked around the house and we all hid behind a bush and he gave us the thumbs up sign indicating that Menaka was all alone in the house. He slowly climbed the wall to see Menaka. He stood there like a statue for a minute. Then slowly he got down and ran to us and said , " She is not wearing anything but an underwear."

"Did she see you?"

"No she did not see me. Come soon. Let us all go and admire her beauty"

We all followed Stephen and climbed the wall and saw the Hot chick Menaka wearing nothing but an underwear.

Click this [ link ] to see Menaka's beauty.


Note : Stephen is no more and we buried him in Karisalampatti.

Did I just post my 500th post?