539. The unwanted evil called ADVICE

Advice is always the easiest thing to give to anyone and the toughest thing receive from others. I have the habit of reading advice columns in magazines, newspapers and in online forums. Some advises make me laugh out loud. In today's world everyone has something to advice others and if one has nothing to tell others, they can still copy paste some one Else's quote and advice others.

Man faces the problem of advises at a very young age. How to walk? How to eat? How to talk? How to smile... I remember handling corporate eating habit seminars for professionals. Someone in some part of the world has written articles on how to use a fork and a spoon and when this is taught to professionals, they try to even use the fork and a spoon even when the food is rice and vegetables served in plantain leaf. 

The other day I was having a conversation with some pet lovers who were discussing as if human beings are the worst creatures ever to walk on planet earth. " How can he hurt that dog?" said one lady. "How can that man whip that cow with that whip?" said another guy. The conversation went on and on with everyone talking in detail about how animals and birds are ill treated these days. Finally the conversation ended and we all thought we had a fantastic talk advocating for animal and bird rights. Then we paid the bill for the food we ate and went home. [ Two buckets of chicken wings]

We live in a world where we enter into conversations even when we don't know anything about whats going on. Even if we don't know anything, we can get little bit idea on the subject from wikipedia or google and that will be enough for us to act is we are masters in the subject. 

Many a time we follow unwanted advice given by others and start living our life based on those advices. I did my bachelors in Engineering in Electronics and Instrumentation field. Till now I don't know why I did that. Yes. I have a BE degree ; but I don't know anything about the Instrumentation field. Having a BE degree is no big deal these days. There is an engineering college in every nook and corner. The other day my friend and I were driving down the highway when he pointed to an old mechanical shop and said "That's where I did my Engineering". All this time I never knew that it was actually an engineering college. I was actually under the assumption that it was an old workshop.

How many of you reading this article is in the wrong place because you heeded to the advise given to you by someone who thought they are doing you a great favor? Everyone of us have an inner talent. We can make a living out of that talent and when we start realizing our potential and when we start doing what we love to do, we would understand the meaning of JOB SATISFACTION.

When you are about to pursue your dreams, many will surround you and say "You can't do it". Just IGNORE them. They are not YOU and they don't live your life.

Did I just give an Advice here? Oh yea! It is the easiest thing to do. Follow your dreams. Go break a leg readers.

-Chronicwriter

538. Kasab Kasabed

Kasabed = A Tamil colloquial word for "It is finished.

Ajmal Kasab - the lone surviving terrorist in the Mumbai attacks in 2008 was hanged this morning in Pune. His hanging was kept as a secret to avoid any controversies. The Pakistan Government did not accept the letter that India sent regarding Kasab's kasabufication. Hence the Indian Government faxed a letter to the Pak Government regarding his death.

Though many would say that justice has been served to the families of the 166 people who lost their lives, it doesn't make any difference to these families as their precious ones will never return back to them again.

Though many in the social media were blaming the Indian Government for keeping Kasab alive for four years, the Government did its duty by serving justice. I really don't know whether I should be happy because justice is served or should be sad that a Young boy chose a wrong way to die like this.

On a lighter note a friend of mine quoted that Bal Thackarey left earth with a purpose. Within three days of leaving earth, he made it sure that Kasab was finished. Many who do not believe in afterlife would not agree with this statement. But Angel TV preacher Sadhu "who makes frequent heaven trips" might be in a better position to explain this.

My personal opinion on this hanging is that a small branch in a big tree called terrorism is cut. The root is still there. It is a pruning exercise. It is merely impossible to uproot this dangerous tree. But branches like these can be trimmed once in a while to curb this tree from producing poisonous fruits. Kudos to the Indian Govt for pruning the tree.

BTW, Will Kasab get to see the 72 virgins? That is something Kasab has to say! Hope all the 72 virgins are not men.

Kasab could have been trained as a great guy for the future. He fell into the wrong hands and took terrorism as his way of life and he paid a heavy duty for it. There are many Kasab's among us. Infact everyone of us have a Kasab inside us. Let us kill those Kasabs within us before it is too late.

537. Chronicwriter Photography.

Every Monkey that holds a camera is calling himself or herself as a photographer these days. Gone were those days when there were specialists in that field. Now everyone who holds a 2 megapixel mobile phone camera or even a calculator calls themselves as a photographer. If you have not become a famous photographer till now you can adopt the following steps and become a world famous photographer.

Step 1 : Click a picture with any camera (even mobile phones with 2 mp camera will do)
Step 2 : Change the original color of the picture into any shade of your choice (even your dog's choice doesn't matter)
Step 3 : Add a water mark " X Photography" ( X = your name)
Step 4 : Upload the photo on facebook and wait for likes/ shares/ comments
Step 5 : You have become a photographer
Step 6 : Start a Facebook page in X photography name.

When I was contemplating on this idea, I decided to start my own photography page and Here I am.

Please Like this Fantastic Photography page on Facebook

To check the fantastic photos of mine, you have to click the above link . Please like the page too. 

1) Birthday function photography

2) death function photography

3) Bangle putting ceremony for pregnant ladies

4) Turmeric powder applying ceremony

5) Boys drinking parties

6) Wedding reception

7) Love break up function

8) office parties

9) Baby photography

10) Events

11) Hidden camera photography

12) Candid photography

13) Fashion photography

14) Magic photography

15) Forest Photography/ nature photography

All types of photography handled here because we know all details

Please contact us for any photography needs, wants or desires. 

-Chronicwriter

536. My first Cyclone encounter.

Cyclone Nilam was indeed powerful and it was my first ever cyclone experience. I drove my car when she was at her ravaging best in Chennai. My car looked like it had a mud bath. The trees were dancing to glory. On some roads, the trees decided not to stand on their feet and hence fell down prostrate and slept on the middle of the road which resulted in traffic jam.

When I reached home from work, I found that there was no power at home. The coconut tree near my house was behaving like a drunkard. It was not steady at all. It was about to fall any time. The movie 2012 flashed across my mind. All the Christian Preachers who would use this as an opportunity to promote themselves saying " I already prophesied this" also crossed my mind. 

But my first thought was the clothes that were left to dry in the mottai maadi ( terrace ) . I immediately ran upstairs only to find all my clothes on the floor of the terrace. My banian and underwear went missing. "Should I file an FIR?" - I thought to myself. But another thought reminded me that it would have reached a home where it would be used by someone who might actually need it. 

Then I entered my house. As there was no power, it was dark inside. The candles were lit and we all sat around the candle (We = I , my wife and my daughter Anya). Anya did not understand what was going around her. All she could see were the trees swaying big time, the thunder storms and the rains outside.This was a new kind of terror for my daughter. 

She is used to my terror instincts at home and the cyclone did not scare her big time. The power came back at 11 pm. Things turned back to normal. The mosquitoes were swatted out and we slept in peace.

What about the poor man on the pavement? If you happen to see any poor people, please help them. Don't wait for others to help. You be the change you want to see in others. I am not gonna tell what I did; but I have a old man in my mind. 

-Chronicwriter.

535. Cyclone Nilam's dangerous game.

Cyclone Nilam is on a rampage in Chennai. The school kids are happy for her because schools are closed. The poor are not happy because Nilam has made things worse for them. Those who live in the pavement are not seen these days. I do not know where they have gone? If you see someone on the road, please give them a shirt to wear.

In the workplace, the tiled floors are filled with mud. The men walk around with wet pants, people sneezing now and then. The atmosphere is not really healthy. The pantries are always occupied. The smoke joints are smokier than ever before. Coffee looks like a divine portion. 

The real faces of many people are unearthed by this cyclone. Colleagues who apply atleast 1 inch of paint on their faces are unrecognizable. On other days you can even hammer an 1 inch nail on their face without hurting their faces. But on days like this, they look like Chandramukhi Jyothika.

The men walk around with wet pants ; some of them with their pants folded and it looks as though they are walking around in three-fourths. It gives me the feeling that I am in a beach.

When you drive on the road, you get to splash water, mud on the faces of people. Sometimes it is funny and sometimes you feel sorry for them and when you are on the receiving end its not at all funny. This morning I splashed water on many people without any intention to do so. Some of them just did not react and some reacted with some gaalis. Now that I am used to it, I moved on.

When I came to work this morning, I heard my friends telling me that many offices are closed because of the news that Nilam might strike Chennai big time. Suddenly they all turned to my direction and looked at me. Some giggled and Some turned away. I did not know why they all did that. Then one colleague sent me a text message. When I opened the text message it read "Pull your zip up man". You should have seen my reaction.

I remember pulling my pant zipper up when I got ready this morning. But how did it come down? It must be Cyclone Nilam. Yes! Now I believe that Cyclones can do crazy things.

-Chronicwriter.

534. The Scientific Calculator

Every one would have used the object shown in the picture. I was introduced to this brick like device when I was in class 11. 

My mathematics teacher "Arulanandam" made an announcement in class - "Tomorrow all of you should bring a scientific calculator to class". We obeyed him religiously. 

We felt like scientists when we carried the scientific calculator. During those days, if a person owned a scientific calculator he was called a gadget freak. 

Days went by and few of my classmates became efficient in using the scientific calculator. I was only comfortable with the bottom 4 rows of keys in it. I could  do addition, subtraction, multiplication and division using it. But when it came to integration and differentiation, I had great difficulty. 

The top four rows of keys seemed like rocket science to me. In exams we were allowed to use the scientific calculator. But when the exam invigilator came near us to see what we were writing in the answer sheet, I would press lot of buttons in the calculator and would scribble some number in the answer sheet. Once the invigilator leaves, I would give a sigh of relief.

Days went by and I entered college to do four years of engineering. Soon we were asked to use the calculator to do Laplace, Fourier series applications. Chits and bits with answers were hidden inside the sliding cover of the calculator and they helped a lot during our exams. But after using the calculator for 6 long years we did not know the real use of it. 

I can see many readers telling me "Why Blood? Same Blood!" as they read this article. 

Moral : Even if you own half the world, if you do not know how to use it, it is no different from a person like us using a scientific calculator.

Note: I used my scientific calculator now to add two numbers ( 32 and 43) and I got 56 as the answer. GENIASS indeed.

-Chronicwriter.

533. Stripping for a cause.

These days it has become a habit to shed clothes for a cause.

If you want to show your support for animals, then take home a pet animal and feed them. Stripping off your clothes and walking around nude does not help the animals in any way. I have often thought why PETA even encourages female models to strip and pose naked? How does that help animals? It only makes lot of young boys and many married men to ogle at these pictures and master the act of bating their desires to glory. (Enna solla vareinu puriyudhu illa? Arraichi pannaadheenga)

I have not seen men shedding their clothes for animals. If it happens (as in the above picture), would not it help the animals too? Then why aren't men shedding their clothes for animals. Where is the equality concept here? Don't the nudist models go through any puppy shame feelings? 

Another thing I notice these days is the over usage of sexual tones in advertisements. Almost all the body spray ads come with the "If you spray my product over your body, the girls will shed their clothes and run behind you". Namma ooru boys all will immediately go to the nearest shop, buy an axe deo and spray it all over their body with visualised expectations of what they  had seen on tv. See the print ad from axe deo depicted here. Why is that hand going there? Why would guys spray the deo on the crotches?  The most common place is the back and the armpits. The art directors for such ads have such gilugiluppu taste. 

The deos that we buy for approx Rs.100/- are no competition to the perfumes that are in the four digit rates. It is understandable that some sexual tone is given to an ad which places its emphasis on attraction factor. But why does a girl shed her clothes for a toothpaste ad? Beats me completely.

In this article, why am I adding a picture of the muscle flexing Vishal with well oiled body (forgot to take his bath) along with Sembatta hair Nayantara?

Did anyone note that Nayantara also has six packs?

Her six packs will definitely put Vishal's six packs to puppy shame indeed.

-Chronicwriter

532. Happy birthday President

Today is our President's 80th birthday. I wrote a status message to wish him on his birthday. A friend corrected me saying that he was actually the Prime Minister and not the President of the country. It was a puppy shame feeling for me. I covered my face with both my hands and my heart pounded faster and faster and I came with a feeble come back saying if only he had opened his mouth, I would have known that. Talking about Presidents of the country, after the dynamic Abdul Kalaam's tenure, I seriously do not know who and all became the presidents of our country. Such were their presence in this country.

Manmohan Singh has single handedly given a scare to the Japanese Robotic industry. The Japanese are racking their heads to find a better and sophisticated Robot. After Manmohan Singh became the prime minister of our country smiley central introduced the following smiley 

 : |

On this wonderful day, I take this opportunity to wish our wonderful man a fantastic 80th birthday and as faithful citizens of the country, let us celebrate it with silence. These are some of the photos that were taken by our special reporter when rulers of various countries came to wish Manmohan Singh on his birthday.

One friend of mine Karthigeyan just made this amazing statement - " Prime Minister Manmohan has been our role model in our Viva and internals during our college days"

- Chronicwriter

531. Dai Saavu Graaki ( Hey Death Customer)

Why such a Blog Title? You might ask me. This is one phrase that is so abundantly used in the Chennai roads. Do people actually use the phrase "Death Customer" as a swear word? Yes you should come to Chennai to witness it. All you have to do is, cross the road in Chennai traffic and at least one person will call you a saavu graaki. Why do they say that? Do they practise those lines to use it on you or did they use it just by accident? We can ponder on and on and we will never find an answer to that question.

This morning I was driving my car to work. I had to slow down and stop at the signal because the traffic light indicated that I had to stop. Little did I know that the guy in the bike behind my car was actually taught that Red means Go. He kept on honking and when I did not budge, he got off his bike walked to my car and said "Saavu graaki - Don't you know that I am in a hurry to go to office?" I did not want to react in a equally harsh tone for two reasons

1) He had a gym -body.

2) I did not want to argue with an immature kid who acted his shoe size and not his age.

I told him " Boss, even I am going to work. You and I don't even know each other. Do we really have to fight over a small issue? I can do one thing. I can move my car a little and you can overtake me and go"

He walked back to his bike and with an angry look overtook my car and jumped the signal like Laard Labak only to be cornered by a traffic police. In the mean time, the green light came and we all drove peacefully with Laard Labak pleading with the police to let him go.

Why do many of us have road rage? What do we get out of it? By swearing at a total stranger just because he overtook you do we get any peace? Do we all think that we are on an F1 track when we drive on the road? Let me not take this post forward as though I am gonna give all a philosophical advice.

How many Saavu Graakis ahve you come across in your life?

The following pictures shows some Saavu Graakis  we see in day to day life.

Though the above daredevil kind of bike rides are totally unacceptable by the law, such style of riding bikes might become accepted in the future because of rising fuel prices.

- Chronicwriter

530. Scanning the reservation chart.

Remember the train journeys? Many young, single men could relate with this story. Many married men also fall in the same category.

It was the summer of 1999. I was in college. More than 600 miles separated my home and my college and every time I traveled home , I took a train. It is a customary practice for many boys to look at the reservation chart that is pasted outside the compartment.

Why do boys scan this chart ?

The following are the different reasons .

• Boys go through the reservation chart to confirm their seat number.
• Boys go through the reservation chart to memorize the names of all their co passengers to test their memory power
• Boys go through the reservation chart to promote world peace.
• Boys go through the reservation chart to find if there is any terrorist in the compartment

If you had picked any of the above options as the answer to the question, then you have not understood humanism at all.

Boys scan the reservation chart for only one reason - "Girls"

• If a boy sees the name of a girl in the reservation chart, a small smile erupts in his face.
• If the girl is a teenager or in her mid twenties, the smile broadens.

Immediately after seeing the girl's age, a boy will scan for the adjacent seats to find the probability whether the girl is travelling alone or with her folks. Careful primary analysis is done to also find if she is single or married.

• If the girl's seat number is closer to his seat number, his smiling face is accompanied by a slow musical background score in his mind.
• If there are more girls in the compartment, he feels like a king.

The boy would then memorize the name of the girl/girls and will use his memory power to search for the same girls in social networking platforms with the the hopes of making Abdul Kalaam's dream come true.

I have learnt many a lessons from my train journeys. I want to share those lessons here. You can take a leaf out of my experience and you can build a nest out of it and you can even hatch your plans in that nest.

• If there is a girl in the same compartment, she will never have her seat next to yours.
• If the girl is beautiful, she will be accompanied by her strict father who has a big mustache.
• If the girl is extremely beautiful she will be on the phone with her boyfriend throughout the journey.
• There will always be a newly wed couple who will emote public display of affection and will make you go mad.
• Finally when you still attempt to add that girl on facebook, this is what facebook does to you.

Yes, it is an unfair world.

PS : The girl in the picture is some one I met in a train 5 years ago. Her name is Diana Victor. Now don't you dig my friends list on social networking sites with the hope of sending her fraansheep requests. It is still an unfair world indeed.

-Chronicwriter.

529. Shocking Picture of Poonam Pandey

528. Two girls love me

Today as I was driving out of the parking zone in GN Chetty Road, a fortune teller approached me and said

" Thambi, Unga kai regaiya paakalaamaa?" ( Can I read your palm?)

"Venaam, Adhula nambikkai illaingo" (No, I don't believe in that)

"Thambi, Oru nimisham naan solradha kelunga, Unga Moga raasikku innum 5 monthsla neenga foreign poveenga" (Brother, One minute, listen to me. You will go to a foreign country with in the next 5 months)

I grinned at him and he immediately thought that his marketing skills had worked on me and he tried to make me listen to him with some more juicy words.

"Thambi ungala rendu ponnunga love panraanga" (Brother , two girls are in love with you)

" Yov! Enakku kalyaanam aayiduchungo. Oru kolandhaiyum irukudhu" (I am married and I have a daughter)

"Summa sollaadheenga thambi..." (Don't lie brother)

He thought that I was lying and he tried to market harder. I just drove off from that place.

How many fall for such words? Many great sales pitches that win great business deal is done by such guys.

The best time to say no is right at the beginning.

527. Raatchasa Bandhan

The one day that millions of Indian men dread about is Raksha Bandhan. That is one day that girls take advantage of many innocent boys around the globe. Just by tying a piece of twine on our wrists, the girls will adopt many brothers in one single day. To add insult to injury it has become a habit for many girls to expect gifts in kind and cash from their newly adopted brothers. These days girls are demanding RS 500 for every piece of twine they tie on a guy.

Usually girls target all the baddies in college to tie rakhis. The mokkai paiyans who don't fall into the dude category always become victims of rakhis. If the guy looks like Virat Kohli or Farhan Akhtar even if he extends his hands the girls won't tie a rakhi on their hands. This is an universal truth.

For the rest of the guys, The Guys are requested to remain indoors to avoid such emotional blackmails from so-called-sisters. Tips to avoid being tied down by the raatchasa Bandhan.

If any girl approaches you with a rakhi,

1) Act as if you had a heart attack and faint immediately.

2) Hug her tight and tell her that you always like hugging and kissing sisters.

3) Cry out for help and plead loudly " Don't do this to me"

4) Call the police and file an FIR against the girl

5) If you have a gun, shoot her.

6) Hide your hand inside your shirt and tell her that you lost your hands in a road accident the previous night.

7) Tell her that you would accept it only if she knows the history behind raksha bandhan.

If nothing works the following can be tried.

1) Lock yourself in your house and switch off your mobile phones.

2) Don't go to school, College, Office. Tell your teacher, lecturer , boss that you have dysentery. If your boss is a male, he might give the same excuse to his boss.

Even after reading all this gyan, many guys still fall prey to the killer Raakhi. Not everyone are lucky like Powerstar

-Chronicwriter.

526. Social Media Madness

It is always a great feeling to go down memory lane revisiting those old days, places. The joy we get when we go back to our school, college, old workplace cannot be easily explained in words. I have experienced that non-explainable joy when I visited my college after eons.

I tried to do the same thing in the social media world too. Hence I opened all my old- deactivated accounts in different social media sites and in all the different social media sites, I remembered one incident or more that made me to grin.

Yahoo Messenger

First I logged into my yahoo messenger account. The father of all social media sites.Immediately I remembered those days (13 years back ) when Yahoo messenger was very famous among college students (mainly because of the Tamil movie Kadhal Desam) . Back then, I used to prowl in some chat room or the other talking with someone from another continent on issues that would do the world no good at all.

I remembered some chat friends I had during those days. I had their contacts in my diary. Immediately I tried calling a friend from Malaysia. We talked for almost an hour. She was pleasantly surprised indeed.

Back then, the common lingo used in a chat room was ASL. Guys would be hanging on in chat rooms trying to get lucky with a girl. 40 guys would be in every chat room and there would be only one girl who would make her appearance in the chat rooms once in a blue moon. When a girl enters the chat room, the guys would try their level best to get her attention. Even if she is a mokka piece, she will be treated like a queen.

Some guys will write poems for her. Some guys will sing for her and some will praise her. None of the guys would have seen her. She would have a flower picture as her profile pic. The girl would not have got such a royal treatment in her entire life. Such treatment being very new in her life, she would try to throw some attitude. Finally the girl would fall for some guy in the chat room and no body knows what happens after that.

Hi5

Hi5 reached its all-time peak in the year 2005. Facebook was not even considered as a worthy social media site. When I logged into my Hi5 account, I got a message saying "Welcome back".

This was the site where I used to hang out to socialize during my MBA days.

The most wonderful part of HI5 was the Testimonials part. If you buy a Dairymilk bar to your college girls, they will write wonderful testimonials for you. I had more than 50 testimonials written by my college girls. Many dairymilk bars were bartered for that.

Hi5 is the grandmother of social networking sites. When I logged into Hi5, I remembered many incidents that took place during my college days. The profile photo reminded me of the photoshoot I had with a friend in a so-called haunted bungalow. It was fun going through all those old messages.

Orkut

Orkut came like a storm and disappeared like a silent fart. Orkut was the daughter of Hi5. They surged to an all time high in the year 2006. The word "Leave me a Scrap" replaced the commonly used phrases like "send me a text message / call me " .

Indians and Brazilians were attracted to Orkut. We used to say that even in future no social media site would match with Orkut's brilliance. But we were proved wrong within a year. Orkut also had the testimonial page. Many of my friends copied the same testimonials they wrote in Hi5 and pasted them on orkut too. So this did not give great joy like Hi5.

Facebook

Facebook - the spoilt rich bratty daughter of Orkut, silently entered the social media space when Hi5 was at the top of the business. Slowly and steadily FB toppled both Hi5 and Orkut from the competition and surged ahead. The wall became the catch word for every Facebook user. Facebook went through many changes over the years. In fact it has even attained puberty [link ].

People live on facebook to garner more "LIKES, SHARES, COMMENTS" for their post. Why am I giving a lecture on FB (as if you do not know anything about FB). Let me cut short my crap talk here. I really don't have a clue which social networking site will rule the world in the future. But by the current trend I can positively say that FB has sealed a solid place in the Internet world.

- Chronicwriter

525. Is Katrina Kaif dumb?

Public message to all hair removal cream manufacturers!

• When you advertise your product, please select a model who has hairy skin.
• Apply the cream on her hands and shoot the scene which shows how effectively the hair is removed.
• Instead if you show an ad in which a model applies your product on an already waxed skin, the viewer will only be seeing the beautiful model and will not even remember the name of your product.
• In the above ad, one would remember Katrina Kaif but not the hair removal cream.

How did Katrina agree to act in such a dumb commercial? Beats me

-Chronicwriter

524. Steve Jobs unfulfilled dream

Steve Jobs could never convince anyone on two things when he was alive.

Today Chronicwriter is gonna convince to all his readers what Steve could never do during his lifetime. This unfulfilled dream of Steve will become a reality through the following two pictures.

-Chronicwriter

523. A Bachelor room

Many among you would have stayed in a bachelor room where you would have shared the house with 4 or 5 friends. Girls also would have stayed in hostels, PGs and you would have had room mates. If you have been there, you might have experienced the following points

1) Any bachelor room will have one lazy bachelor who always wakes up late and wears that same stinky shirt and goes to college/office.

2) There will be one person who will never wash the utensils. There will be one poor fellow who will wash the utensils.

3) There will be one person who wears the same underwear for a week. This guy can be easily identified because he has a mannerism that is very similar to that of Sachin Tendulkar.

4) There will be one person who will always be on the phone. All the other room mates will be very jealous of him. This person is the dude of the house.

5) There will be a steal-er who steals money from his friends.

6) There will be a pan addict who eats manickchand or smokes up all the time.

7) There will be a hotel near the house in which all the roomies will have an account that transacts better than any bank.

8) There will be a TV in the house which will be ON during the cricket matches and football matches. Otherwise the TV is used a music system.

9) There will be one towel that will be shared by more than one person.

10) There will be one person who tries not to pay his share of the monthly rent.

11) There is a liar who becomes the laughing stock of the room mates because he gets caught in his act all the time.

12) There will be a person who will take leave from work when all the other room mates go to work. This person will be caught by his room mates in un-compromising positions when his room mates come back early from work.

13) There will be a person who will be in love with the girl from the opposite house.

14) There will be a person who will always be on facebook

15) There will be a person whose mouth stinks.

16) There will be a person who leaves all his clothes on the floor.

17) All the underwear will be left to dry on the window grill

18) The shoe rack will stink from the smell of the socks

19) There will be a holy Joe who will fold his clothes, arrange his books and wash his clothes regularly. This is another comedy piece according to the rest of the room mates.

20) There will be one room mate who will be gay.

- Chronicwriter

522. Two Timing

“One man on two boats, will fall into the water sooner or later.”

- AA Lee

Have you ever been ditched? How do you feel when you try to reach your girlfriend or your boyfriend over the phone in the middle of the night and all that you hear is a busy tone? Many of you might have been there, done that and would have learnt a lesson or two from bad experiences. I am not gonna give a gyan on how to handle such issues. This ain't an agony aunt section.

Women, when they two time are extremely cautious and they can manage to two time for a longer period of time. But men are the fools in the two- timing business. When a man two times, he will get caught pretty soon. You might say that you have heard this line in the Tamil movie "Kadhalil Sodhapuvadhu Eppadi".

When I was in kindergarten, I fell in love with Renu. Regular readers of my blog would be knowing this. Though I loved Renu with all my heart, soul, mind and my little nose; I faced a big problem. Yes the problem was my childhood villain, Shabir. He was in love with Renu too. She smiled at all his jokes. So I knew that she liked him. So during those times, I would shudder into little, tiny tears and I would long to wipe my tears on someone.

There was a girl from Kerala in the same class. Her name was Minu. Minu was not as beautiful as Renu neither was she smart like Renu. But she was a mallu and that was the secret. Normally guys from Tamilnadu have a thing for girls from (g)ods' own country. I was no exception. Minu would often lend her shoulder for me to cry. Though Renu did not laugh at my jokes, she would frown when I cry on Minu's shoulders. That reaction of Renu was a clear indicator that she liked me. So to get that reaction from Renu, I would often cry a lot on Minu's shoulders. Slowly I found that I was falling in love with Minu also.

Two timing is a difficult task for grown up adults. So the amount of pressure that I had to face as a three year old boy was too much. What would a three year old like me do ? During those days we did not use a notebook and a pencil. All we used was a slate and a piece of chalk. I found it difficult to even spell the letters in the english alphabet. But Shabir was too good in it. Often I would feel like punching Shabir on his nose. But he was stronger than me and I would curb my intentions.

One day I had a bad cold and I had a running nose. Minu saw my condition and she offered her small hand kerchief. I looked at her eyes and I saw her eyeballs in the shape of two hearts. Love was in the air. Renu did not like it at all. She immediately came to me and offered her handkerchief too. I did not expect this. I turned towards Renu and saw the same hearts in her eye balls also. It is situations like this that men never know how to react. Both were extending their hand kerchiefs and I really did not know whose heart I was going to break with my action. At this moment Shabir also walked upto me and stood in front of me. To my surprise, I found that he also had running nose. Immediately both the girls turned towards Shabir and offered their hand kerchiefs.

Why did they do this?

It is for the simple reason that Shabir had 6 packs even when we were in kindergarten. I felt like a guy who ran the entire marathon only to faint just before reaching the finish line. Yes, I cried that day; but my sympathy creation tactics did not work with both the girls. They walked away with Shabir and I remained sitting in the corner of the room with tears in my eyes.

Note: This post was supposed to end on a emotional tragedy note. The intention of the author was to leave the reader with a heavy heart at the end of the post.

-Chronicwriter

521. How to get a size zero figure.

If your vital statistical measurements of chest-stomach-hips range between 30-22-32 inches and 33-25-35 inches, then you are a size zero figure. Some of the world renowned size zero figures are Kareena Kapoor, Uma Thurman, Illena, Sarah Bosely, Genelia, Katie Green,Victoria Beckam, Chronicwriter and almost all girls in Somalia."Size zero" often refers to extremely thin individuals. Many women dream to have a size zero figure.

The following points are some of the tips that can be adopted by women to get a size zero figure. So If you are looking for tips to get a size zero figure, you are at the right place

1. Watch Arnab Gowsami on Times Now. You will automatically start throwing up and when you watch his talk shows regularly, you will eventually become a size zero figure in no time. Many women in India are becoming size zero following this technique.
2. Take 234 phone calls everyday from your mobile phone. If you have a boy friend who will sacrificially top up your mobile phone you are lucky. Research has shown that adopting this method will make you achieve the size zero figure in quick time.
3. Take the size zero girls for parties and feed them with junk food. They will put on weight. So relatively , you will look thin compared to them.
4. Make nice chicken biriyani and mix five tablespoon of laxative with it and eat it. Do this for one week. You will have awesome figure in no time.
5. Google for "Sreesanth Pictures". See the search results for 7 seconds. You will feel giddy. If you watch the pictures for more than 10 seconds you will pass out. When you wake up, you will find yourself in the hospital and the doctor will come to you and say ,"Congratulations, you are going to become a mother". You will be shocked to hear this. The doctor will then say, "I was just kidding. You just had a bout of dysentery and you have become a size zero figure"

If none of these techniques work out, please read some more blogs written by Chronicwriter; you will soon become size zero.

-Chronicwriter

520. Expressions

How many of us have done this? I have done this many a times. I draft a big mail and then send that mail to a senior official at work without attaching the necessary attachments. By the time we realize that there is no attachment, the mail would have already reached the boss. If someone could capture that precise expression it would look like this.

We are talented in showing facial expressions the day we enter into this world. Some of the common facial expressions are added below. Just see the following pictures and once you are done, you can get back to work.

Now you can get back to your work.

-Chronicwriter