May 31, 2011

466.Meeting with the United Nations delegates

Note : One could understand this post only if they have a grip of the recent developments in Libya. If you don't know anything about the Libya Crisis, you can still read the post because even if you don't have a grip of this post, you are not gonna lose anything.

Recently Chronicwriter was invited to Libya to solve the internal crisis of the country. So he took a Pallavan Bus from Koyambedu bus stand on Saturday Night and reached Libya - early Sunday morning. He was greeted by delegates from three nations.
  1. Muhamed Kathafi from Libya
  2. Abama from US of A
  3. Melson Nandela from South Africa
The bus came to a halt in the Main Bus stand in Libya. The three delegates came forward to meet him. They did not give him a red carpet welcome nor did they garland him; but they had love in their hearts. This is evident from the photo. Click the pictures for a better view.



As soon as Chronicwriter got down from the bus, the delegates introduced themselves to him. Pleasantries were exchanged. He had bought Tirunelveli Iruttu kadai Halwa for them.



For some reason, Melson Mandela came for the meeting without any dress. Apparently he was taking bath and when he saw Chronicwriter entering Libya in a bus he did not want to waste time by wearing a dress. Soon, the delegates entered into a conversation. The three delegates discussed on how to stop Zooma from complicating things in Libya



The delegates and Chronicwriter, then had a detailed talk about NATO's intervention in Libya and also about Asama's Lucky helicopter raid on Pakistan. They even agreed to send an Anonymous mail to the G-8 summit.


Finally after a peaceful talk where no one understood anything, the discussion ended in chaos.



Chronicwriter's Black coolers was flicked by one of the delegates. He has a strong doubt on Abama.

- Chronicwriter

Revelation by Mr.X.

The above five pictures were actually taken during a short-film shoot in Alampara fort near Pondicherry. Chronicwriter is acting as the Villain in the short film and this short film will soon be featured in the program -"Naalaiya Iyakkunar" in Kalaignar TV. Watch out for this funny short film by "Aahaa Productions".

-Mr.X

May 16, 2011

465. The Mummy Returns (Happy Mummy day for TN makkals)

The Mummy finally returns to power. Chennai super kings will have a jersey color change from yellow to green.No more manjal will be used in marriages and in samayal. It will be replaced by a green color powder that is made from arali vidhai.. In Tamilnadu, the yellow powders wont be used for the next five years in rangoli, kolam and even while celebrating holi. They will be replaced by additional quantity of green powder.The tamil song "Manja kaatu mainaa" will be reworded into "pacha kaattu mainaa". Mangos, guavas and papayas will not be allowed to ripe.

Now it is time for the people in Tamilnadu to enjoy the following benefits from Mummy.



Free Mixie, Fan & Grinder to women

Even if these three are given freely to women, in many households, the husbands are the ones who are gonna use it. Poor men . They will have to be in the kitchen for the next five years.


  • Free Laptop for +1 (plus one) & +2 (plus two) students

Now this is a super offer. Which OS? Which processor? RAM? Does it have pirated crack version of

MS office software? Mummy has to be very careful on this. The oppositions will be waiting for a chance to find fault with her.

  • 20 kg free rice for all ration card holders

Mummy goes one step further by giving 20 kg free rice. Kalaignar gave rice at Re.1 per kg.

  • Free Bus passes for senior citizens to travel within and nearby towns

Now the buses will be crowded with oldies. Young guys and girls would not find buses to be a great means of trans

port.

  • 20 litre free mineral water for those Below Poverty Line (BPL)

Mummy stresses on the hygiene factor also. (Utkaarndhu Yosipaangalo?)

  • Rs. 1.8 Lakh Green house for poor

Green houses? So the yellow houses are finally snuffed out of the scene! The tussle between th

e two colors YELLOW and GREEN has finally found its answer in Green houses. Will these house produce gree

nhouse effect?

  • 3 cent land for landless poor

This would ensure equal distribution of property for the poor. I would personally like to see this promise implemented within this 5 year period.

  • Hospital on wheels to villages

Creativity at its very best. This would have made Mahatma Gandhi happy.

  • Caste Certificate and other certificate will be given in schools itself

When we are striving hard to eradicate castism, why is Mummy bringing this up now? Smells fishy. The only

promise that doesn’t go well with Chronicwriter.

  • 4 set uniform & footwear for Government school students

I have had a few friends who used to come to school with torn pants. This should be implemented at the earliest. Schools are gonna reopen in june.

  • 4 gram gold free for Women Mangalyam

and make Dr. Vijay as the brand ambassador of the Mangalyam ads? By the way, is the Gold worth 24 carats?

  • Sottu Neer Pasanam free for all farmers

This is possible if Cauvery water is opened. This would probably create a problem between the two states.

  • 60,000 cows for 6000 villages to increase milk production

A facepalm to Farmville. No more strawberry milk and Chocolate milk. Yippie.

Facebook was bombarded with interesting status messages about the election results

  • Friday the 13th becomes a solar eclipse for DMK
  • The sun sets by noon
  • No sun burns for Mummy in this election.
Chronicwriter predicted this on his birthday. Check his hand gesture.



Where is Vadivel? The latest Vadivel picture



and What is gonna happen to Kalignar? Will we see yet another arrest drama?



Captain was last seen catching a train to flee to Bagistan.I am not much worried about Vadivel. I feel sorry for our gaptun.


Winston Churchill had predicted this victory almost 60 years ago.


On a lighter note let me end this nutty post with a conversation between the outgoing CM and our PM. (If you had watched the Tamil movie Giri and if you watched the bakery joke between vadivel and Arjun, you would understand this following dialogue)


-Chronicwriter

May 11, 2011

464. David Beckham attempts suicide?





The CBI (Chrony Bureau of Investigation) on Thursday made a noble deed by saving David Beckham. Apparently Beckham had tried to commit suicide. He had seen the above picture of Vijay and that might be the reason for his heartbreak. How ever the exact reasons for his suicide attempt has not been discovered.



Now let us forget about David Beckham and let us concentrate on our Illayathalapathy Vijay. He shot into fame through the movie Kaadhalukku mariyaadhai. He gave a series of hits and he soon became a super hero in the Tamil film world. Chronicwriter was one of his greatest fans during his college days. But soon Vijay fell into bad company and ended up doing C grade movies. All these movies had the same story line and as a result 10 of his movies bombed big time in the box office. The story line of the ten movies is given below



Introduction of Hero through a song or through a fight. Usually Vijay emerges out of a Steel shutter or through a crowd or through his bike riding skills. In one movie he even emerged out of the sea. Click this [link] to read Chronicwriter's review on the movie Sura in which Vijay emerges out of the sea in the introduction scene.



One Kuthu song. It doesn't matter even if it doesn't fit into the movie.



Vijay will always have one sister in every movie and he will do anything for her.



His best friend will be killed by the baddies.



The heroine will be the daughter/bride/ sister of the Villain.



Vijay can fly.



The old ladies and grandpas in the locality always love our hero.



Punch dialogues with non-synchronising hand gestures appear every now and then.



Producer goes bankrupt.



Chronicwriter gets bashed up by Vijay haters because Chronicwriter is a big fan of him.



After a series of 5 flops, Chronicwriter also started pulling Vijay's legs and hence ditched his brand loyalty towards his favorite hero. Actor Vijay has acted in commercials too. He is the only actor in the world whose commercial also flopped big time. Check the commercial here.








The commercial is in Tamil. If you don't understand Tamil, you are very lucky. The commercial is not worth a single penny. How ever Vijay has bounced back with a beautiful commercial through Joy Alukkas again. Hope he finds his new rhythm in his forthcoming films.



On other news, Chronicwriter's favorite footballer Ronaldo (Brazil) is making is hollywood debut at the end of this year. Hope he doesn't join the big list of sports personalities who have proved to the entire world that they can't act at all.



Additional news :


1)Chronicwriter has added a phrase on the windshield of his car. The phrase is yielding unnecessary stares from the Chennai crowd when ever they see his car. The picture of the car will be added in the next post


2)Chronicwriter has joined a gym now. You will soon see the Indian Arnold's photo in this blog


3)Chronicwriter will reveal another good news in this blog soon ;) [The man who called wolf is finally trapped by the wolf?]



-Chronicwriter

May 10, 2011

463. Bathroom - The King of all rooms

Bathroom is one place where many people invent and discover new things in life. Bathroom is just not a place where one takes a bath. Many enter into a self-actualized state inside this room. The Lion is the King of the jungle and likewise the bathroom is the King of all rooms. You might ask ," Which is the Queen of all rooms?". I have an answer for that too. Let us call the Toilet as the queen of all rooms. Now the feminists will go on a rampage and call me a MCP for addressing the Toilet with a feminine term.

Till the late 1980s most Indian houses had a separate bathroom and Toilet in their homes. The bathrooms were normally built somewhere in the back of the house. In the olden days the toilets were built outside the house. I remember that in my grandpa's house the toilet was in the backyard. I used to be scared to go out to pee in the night. The long passage in the garden would scare me. So I would tell my grandparents that I am gonna wash my face in the bathroom and the peeing activity will be done in the bathroom itself. I was a young boy then. No body knew this secret all these years. Now you know.

As days went by, the toilets were attached to the bathroom and they looked similar to the one you see in this picture. The western commodes came into the scene in the late 80s and soon Indians started getting accustomed to the new age technology. A small mug is an integral part of every bathroom.

The Indian bathrooms are the birthplace of the greatest singers in the world. Many sing their heart out as soon as they enter the bathroom. I am a bathroom singer too. I open the shower and stand under it and sing aloud. Some times I open the mouth and face the shower and sing too. This would give different fibrillated effects to the singing pattern.

Bathroom is the favorite place for almost every teenager. Young girls use their mobile phones inside the bathroom at midnight when they talk with their boyfriends especially when their parents are strict with them. Many parents are dumb on this matter. The tap is turned on and the bucket gets filled up with water. Sometimes the bucket gets filled up for more than one hour. Some parents are so dumb that they don't even realize that one hour is too much of a time to fill one bucket with water.

In some bathrooms one can find cobwebs on the walls. One favorite activity of mine is to pour water on the cobwebs and have sadistic pleasure in seeing the spiders die. I have killed many spiders like this in my life time. If you are also a spider killer, give me a five.

In school life, class 12 is the most difficult phase in every student's life. He or she has only one activity in life and that is studies. Parents would wake their children as early as 4 am in the morning and they would ask their children to study. Even in the nights, the children would be made to study till 12 pm. 4 hours of sleep seemed so less then. But now we sleep for only 4 hours and we don't regret it. A teenager would not mind talking on the phone for 4 hours at a stretch. But studying for more than 1 hour is like being in hell. When I was in class 12, my folks would wake me up at 4 am too. It is the highest degree of torture one could do to someone. I would be in the middle of a very romantic dream with Renu and when dad wakes me up, I would get irritated.

As soon as I wake up, coffee would be served to me and I would have to go and sit in my table and study. I hated this procedure and I started thinking of ways to avoid this procedure. "Bathroom" came to my rescue. So as soon as my folks woke me up, I would directly head to the bathroom and would sit on the tub and start sleeping again. My parents would call me from outside, "Why are you taking so much time?". I would reply that I am suffering from constipation. My folks thought that I was suffering from a serious constipation issue.But very soon they figured out that I was actually sleeping inside the bathroom. (I have no idea, how they found it. There were no hidden cameras involved anyways). Now as I type this post, I can hear my neighbor shouting at her teenage daughter -"Why are you spending too much time inside the bathroom?". That is a million dollar question which can be answered only by that girl. I know all the things that I used to do in the bathroom and I have a wry smile when I think about it. Bathroom is indeed the King of all rooms.

If you ask me the reason behind Julia Roberts's picture for this post, my only answer is "Should I give an explanation for that? Let Obama release Osama's dead pictures. I will tell the reason then".

-Chronicwriter


May 6, 2011

462. The Dream Girl.

Everyone has a dream girl in their mind. Men would not easily accept that they have a weakness for slim, fair and good looking girls. But whether we accept it or not, truth can not be altered. How ever exceptional cases do exist.

When Prince William laid his eyes on Kate Middleton in the year 2011, they fell in love. Their love life went from strength to strength; but all of a sudden Kate decided to call it quits. they broke up in the year 2007. But after a few months of spending time away from each other, they realized that they could not live away from each other. They started dating again and now they are husband and wife. Their wedding was one of the most expensive weddings in recent times. The cost of the wedding came to around $35 million.


Hold a second! Indian Steel Tycoon Lakshmi Mittal's daughter's wedding is the most expensive wedding in the history of mankind. Her wedding expenses came to $60million dollars.

The only difference between the two weddings is that one person used his own money for her daughter's wedding and the other used the country's money. Are you guys waiting for a Kate or a Vanisha for your life? Both these girls are one of the most well dressed women of the modern day.



I was searching the net for some pictures of Kate, for this post. The related searches gave me the hint that many peeping Toms and Cats are loitering in the web world.

A question for all the men who read this post. Please answer the question truthfully in the comments section. You can answer anonymously too.Women can also reply based on their experiences with men.

What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about your girlfriend? (Even if you don't have a girlfriend, you can always keep your dream-girl in mind)

  1. Her features
  2. SEX
  3. Love
  4. Beaches
  5. Eat-outs
  6. Lust
  7. Your favorite song
  8. Her Vital statistics
  9. Future kids
  10. Her eyes/Lips
  11. Her Voice
  12. The way she smiles
  13. Others _______________ (Please specify)
You can select multiple answers also.

I am collecting the answers for a study.

Note : First Night pictures of Kate and Williams were clicked by an Italian Paparazzi group. I am not adding the pictures on my page as my webpage is for all ages. How ever if you are 18 + and if you are mature enough to view adult-pictures, you can watch the steamy click here [Link]

Now please answer the question in the comments section.

-Chronicwriter

May 4, 2011

461. Words have the power to Change your life.

The alter ego of Chronicwriter went into hibernation for a very long period of time. When Osama was killed (According to Obama), the alter-ego woke up and asked Chronicwriter whether he could write a post on this blog. Chronicwriter readily agreed. Mr. X is an expert philosopher who has philosophically counselled many people across the globe. His gave the courage to Sharon Stone to act in the movie Basic Instinct. More over Chronicwriter has gone on a date with Poonam Pandey. So Mr.X is gonna author this post.


He is now gonna give Ten Inspirational One liners that will change your life.

Note: Mr. X doesn't stop with ten.

Additional Note : His one-liners doesn't stop with one line.

1) Cigarette smoking is like a three year old kid trying to dip his feet in sea water. The kid is scared at first to dip his feet inside the water. But once he starts enjoying it, it is difficult to pull him out of the sea. If you have a three year old kid, you will know what I am talking about. (Forget about a 3 year old kid. 29 year old idiots like Chronicwriter behave like lunatics when they enter sea shores.)

2) Strong willed men/women are like dysentery. No one can stop them. ( Are you a strong person?)

3) No body reads a book to reach the middle. Reading till the end makes all the difference. When you start a project , finish it. Don't Quit. (Not applicable if you are suffering from constipation)

4) In USA and China, they drive on the Right.
In London and Singapore, they drive on the left.
In India we drive on what is left.

So If you can drive in India, you can drive anywhere in the world. But you can't drive in India with your driving experience in other parts of the globe.

5) Saddham Hussein - Done
Osama Bin Laden - Done
Arnab Gowsami - When?

6) Men who have hair on the legs always ogle at women. Men who have hair on their ears should be vary of little children. Little children love to pluck the hair from your ears. Chronicwriter has a great track record of plucking hair from ears. Now he himself has some hair on his ears. One has to reap what he has sown.

7) If you have to make an omelet, you have to break the egg. The one who has never failed does not exist. Shucks! Why am I turning into a sissy like Chronicwriter with clich├ęd statements like this?

8) An always-angry man is a lunatic. When he gets into a fight, the pigs appear dignified.

9) Three women I always pity
  1. Wife of Navjot Singh Sidhu
  2. Wife of Arnab Gowsami
  3. Future Wife of Chronicwriter
10) You are a lazy person if you have the habit of pressing the snooze button in your alarm clock every morning. The man who invented the snooze button is the laziest person in the world.

11) When I was a young boy Ass meant donkey, Gay meant happy, Straight meant line, Cock meant rooster, Pussy meant cat, Stag meant deer, Tit was always for tat. Americanization of English has done a great damage to the English language.

12) Everyone loves to facebook. But a true student is one who hates to face his books. When he tries to fall in love with his books, his bed falls in love with him.

13) If nothing goes right, all you have to do is "Go left"

14) If you are having a smooth relationship with your wife and if you haven't fought with her for ages, you might be having a boring life. You can start a fight with her very easily. All you have to do is create a doubt in her mind. Take your mobile phone and text her "I love you too"

15) 1st April is called as "All fools day". Be it March 31 or April 1st or April 2nd - a fool i always a fool. ( Chrony! Are you listening?)

16) If you are working in the telecommunication industry and if you have loose motion and if you want to apply for a leave at workplace; and if you don't want to mention to anyone that you have loose motion, just type "Suffering from Unlimited outgoing with various ring tones".

17) I am gonna reveal a secret about Chronicwriter. He was a brainy guy when he was in school. Sometimes he was the only student in his class who could answer questions posed by teachers in his class. I am adding one incident from Chdonicwriter's diary which talks about how he was the only one who could successfully answer a question in his class.

Date: 12 July 1992
Class : Six
Time: Morning 11 am.
Venue : Class room - History class

Teacher : Who farted in Class?
Chronicwriter : Ma'm. It was me.

Chronicwriter was the only one who could answer this question in his classroom for many years

and finally the message for the day

18) Life is like a coin. It has two sides - 1) happiness 2) Sadness. One side is always visible in your life. But remember the other side is waiting for its turn. Sometimes you need to flip with hopes of viewing the happy side. If you end up on the sad side, you can flip one more time.

-Mr.X

May 2, 2011

460. Osama

The Osama is Gone.



If you closely analyse the picture you can see that the US forces did not harm his nose, mustache, teeth or even his ears.



They had some sort of hatred towards Osama's eyes.



The left eye is plucked out.



How ever heavy damage is not done on the right eye.



Was Osama smiling when he died?



Why have they poured Tomato sauce on his forhead? Did they eat his left eye with that sauce?



Do you know that Osama is the son of the Tenth wife of his father?







TEN WIVES?!?!?!?!



If you are gonna give such an expression, I would say, " Hold on". After Osama was born, their parents divorced and Osama's mom married another man. Unhappy childhood could be one of the reasons for Osama turning into a terrorist.



Osama went on to marry 5 women and fathered 25 children through them. What an achievement!!! He was 6 foot 4 inches tall (Almost a foot taller than Chronicwriter).



Osama has a long history with aeroplanes. His father died when the pilot misjudged a landing. His brother died when he flew the aeroplane int a powercable. Some of his friends also died when they flew into the twin towers. How ever Osama had a different ending.



Many consider Osama as a soft spoken and a well mannered man. If that is true, how can a man like him become the Most wanted Terrorist in the world?



EMOTIONAL CONTROL is the answer. Every one of us have a Terrorist inside us. When we are rubbed in the wrong manner, we erupt. Osama also was a victim of emotional instability. His beliefs, His ideologies have physically and emotionally hurt many. Finally he paid the price for his actions.



This post is not written with an intention to throw darts of hatred against Osama . I started this post on a lighter note. But as I started typing this post, I understood the need to pass an important message



Everyone among us have an Osama inside us.



We should Kill that Osama within us before that Osama Kills us.


Note : It is very sad to know that even Osama is not safe in Pakistan - Jerush

Wait! Our Sania Mirza is also in Pakistan. :(


But wait a minute, Guys!!!

Is he really dead or is it Obama's trick to get into office one more time?


- Chronicwriter.