Thursday, March 24, 2011

450. Guys! Beware of the Cancer Game

Guys! Do you remember the Bra game and the bag on the couch game that many girls played last year on facebook ? This time, they are back again with yet another game. Pass this message to all the Men around. I got this confidential information from a Black Sheep ;) Thanks to wikileaks links and some black sheep among the women community, I got this news.

The messagethat was supposed to be circulated only among girls by Laura Watkins-Yes! She is the culprit

We are playing a game. Someone proposed that we GIRLS do something special on to help with Breast Cancer Awareness. Its easy, and Id like you to join us to help it spread. Last year it was about writing the color of the bra that your were wearing in your status and it left men wondering for days why the girls had random colors as their status. This year it has to do with your relationship status. You will state where you are, by... posting one of the codes below. Remember - don't reply to this message just type your 1 word response in your status box on your profile. Then cut and paste this whole message into a new message and send it along to your female friends....

Blueberry: Im single
Pineapple its complicated
Raspberry: Im a touch and go woman
Apple: Engaged
Cherry: In a relationship
Banana: Im married
Avocado: Im the "other one"
Strawberry: Cant find the right one
Lemon: Wish i was single
Grape: wants to get married.
Orange: Likes to just "Look"
Melon: Sadly Widowed
Pear: no strings attatched. friend with benifits !!

If you have recently and honestly donated money to this cause there is now a "GOLD' catagorie ie: GOLDEN BANANA!!
If you have donated your "HAIR" for locks of love then you can now become a ''SILVER'' fruit!!!
If you have suffered with this terrible disease and are strong enough to share it with everyone then add the word "DIAMOND" before your fruit!!!
The Girls who are waiting eagerly to fool the guys
Note: Also remember to check for lumps on a regular basis and get to know your two friends well. One day it could save your life!!
The bra game reached TV, lets get this one to do the same, and show everyone how powerful women are or if your feeling generous please make a donation. every dollar counts!!!

Message leaked by
- Chronicwriter (Pass this to all the Men)

Note : If you see any fruit as a status message on any girl's FB profile, just remember the monkey face. Pass this message around

Comments are disabled for this post

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

449. Do you remember us?

Do you guys remember me?

Yes! I am Jolena. I am a big girl now and I am growing my hair like my Uncle- Chronicwriter. I am now going to school and I have learnt to throw attitude also. Now a days , I don't get scared of the dark; still I hate sleeping. But my folks put me to sleep by 9 pm. This is what happened last week. My mom tucked me in bed, gave me a good night kiss and went downstairs. After five minutes

Jolena: Mommeeeee
Mom : What?
Jolena : I want to drink Milo.
Mom : Not anymore. Now its your bed time. Go to sleep.

After five minutes

Jolena : Mommy! I am thirsty. Can I have Milo?
Mom: I said no. If you ask again, you will be spanked.

After Five minutes

Jolena : Mommy
Mom : What?
Jolena : When you come to spank me, can you please bring the Milo?

My mom says that I have a good voice. My brother is my super hero. He plays the guitar, piano and he can run very fast. He taught me to use the computer. Now I know to operate the computer on my own. My brother is a very good dancer. In my humble opinion, my brother dances better than my uncle.

How do I look in sunglasses? This is how I throw attitude. I wear the glasses everywhere I go. School, Playground, Home or Malls, I have them on me all the time. I even wear them while taking a nap. These days everything looks brownish in color. Even white rice looks brown. I have fallen many a times because of the sun glasses. But nothing is gonna deter me from wearing glasses.

That is my brother Jeremy. He is very strong. He can do somersaults and He can even perform Kattas on Karate. He can defeat Jaedon Smith. I know this for sure. The other day he broke a brick into two halves. My uncle is also a black belt in Karate or should I say that he claims that he is a black belt in the art. My brother likes the subject Chemistry. He writes lot of chemical formulas on his notebook. He says H20 is Hot water and C02 is Cold water. Do you agree with him?

Special Note: My Uncle was brutally attacked by three women as they were furious with him for writing the previous blog post. Hence I am posting an article on his blog today.

My brother and I love the snow. After school, we go out and play with snow. We tried making the snow man. But it ended up looking like our Uncle. Taking a bath in winter is a pain. I run around the house when mom calls me to take a bath.

Do I look like an Eskimo. BTW How do I call the people who live in Moscow? Can I call them Mosquitoes ?

Too much of snow is not good for health. We might catch a cold if we remain here in the snow for a long time. Spray some Axe spray on your nose to be free from Nose-blocks. My Uncle did that last week and now he has dysentery because of that. So we are gonna go indoors and start doing our home work. You can also go back to your work. Stop using facebook during work hours and stop using proxy sites to access blocked sites in office. This is my sign-off message.

Love you all. Muah


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

448. Ladies and driving

I always considered myself as a very good driver. My three year old niece thinks so. So with that thought in my mind, I take this privilege to pass some expert comments on the driving skills of the members of the fairer sex.

Note : I am not a MCP. I am not a sexist. This is written for plain humor and If you can't digest it, you have the liberty to bash me, curse me and even start Anti-Chronicwriter forums and use that to bitch about me. I don't give a hoot. In fact that would give this blog more visibility and I don't care about the negative advertisement.

  • When two bachelors meet after a long time, the common topic would mostly be Girls.
  • If three bachelors meet after a long time, the common topic would again be Girls.
  • If married men meet for a drink, their common topic would also be Women, Girls and Wives.
If any guy disagrees with the above three points, and if he thinks that he is not that kind of a man who always talks about girls, then he would get a free ticket to spend a lonely dinner in a closed room alongside Navjot Singh Sidhu and Arnab Gowsami.

Yes! Now let's talk about girls. There would be many girl readers for this blog post too. You can also read this because it is about you. You would hate me after reading this post. But your hatred is not gonna give me my bread and butter. So continue hating me. I haven't yet started the post. So without further ado, let me take this privilege to write on "women and their driving styles". Now some men would be already nodding their heads in agreement even before I start this post of mine. I know that you are also victims to the tsunami-driving of the members of the fairer sex.

Sreesanth is a comedian. That doesn't mean that all Keralites are comedians. Rakhi Sawant is loud mouthed and that doesn't necessarily make all silicon implanted women loud mouthed. Chronicwriter is a bozo; that doesn't mean that all humorists are bozos too. Similarly many women are comedy-drivers; but that doesn't make All women bad drivers.

If Navjot Singh Sidhu describes the driving style of women, he would just use one word to describe it -" Idiotic". Now don't angry with me. You can get angry with Sidhu saab. Why would Sidhu call women driving - Idiotic?
  • When ever we think of bikes and cars, we usually think of men like Rossi and Alonso and not to forget Schumi. There is nothing wrong in their driving style. They had complete control on their vehicles. The only difference with women-drivers is that they don't have control over their vehicle.
Note to women : Are you tightening your grip on the Mouse? If you are angry with me, throw your gaalis at me. Why do you show it on that poor mouse?

  • All the six lanes in the highway doesn't belong to you. When you switch lanes, you got to use the indicator. Its not an F1 track where you can just drive as if you are playing an NFS video game.
Additional Note: Am I getting on your nerves now? Don't worry. I am just getting started

  • In a car, there are three pedals - Accelerator, Brake and Clutch. For a woman, the only pedal that comes int contact with her legs is the accelerator. They would not hurt the brake or the clutch. If you press the accelerator, the car moves forward. If you release the accelerator, the car slows down. The hand brake (parking brake) can be used even while slowing down. The gear is just a joy stick which can be placed in any position. The gear box makes lot of noise because the clutch is not pressed when the gear is changed. Women do not use the clutch in order to preserve the life usage of clutch. The brakes are not used because using the brakes would result in wear and tear of the tyres. The road belongs to them. They can drive in the wrong direction in a one way road.
Note to women: Just checking! How many cuss words did you use so far against me? You can't get angry with your husband just because he agrees with me. Does he have to sleep on the couch tonight? He wouldn't mind

Note to the poor husband: Are you angry with me because I am playing volleyball in your married life? If your answer is yes, I am sure that you are reading this blog along with your wife.

  • Then comes the 40 + women. They are slow death inducers. They drive very slowly. They would not even hurt the accelerator. One could even overtake them by walking. Their cars are full of dents. They honk at freewill and they are extremely cautious. They use the right turn indicator while turning left. Both their hands will be fixed on the steering wheel. They would completely stop the car even to shift gears. They would sit on the edge of the seats while driving. They would constantly receive gaalis from other fellow drivers at very regular intervals. But nothing stops them from driving.While reversing, they hit the bike parked behind their car. They hit the road divider while taking U-turns. Traffic jams happen when ever they take a U-turn.
Note to women: Now are you tired of cursing me or are you still behaving like a zombie? I am sure that your hubby is now sleeping in the couch. Just go and check him out. He might be happily watching the football match or the world cup cricket.
  • Am I saying that men are better drivers? Now even if I say , Yes, would that matter to you? Or Would you accept my answer? I leave it to you for assumption. Exactly Ten years ago, my dad attempted to teach my mom to drive the car. We sold the car exactly 9 years and 11 months ago. The car had lot of dents.
If a lady walks up to me in a public place and slaps me all of a sudden, I would know the reason.

Happy Driving.


447. Sachin - You Beauty

Ravi Shastri is definitely not on my favorite commentators list. I would pack him along with Navjot Singh Sidhu and if given a chance would even lock those two along with Sreesanth and Arnab Gowsami in one room. Ravi Shastri's weakness came to the fore in the ipl-3 when he was at loss of words on many occasions. He kept on repeating his usual sentences
  • 24/2 after 3 overs
  • That goes at the rate of knots
  • Tracer Bullet (I seriously don't know how a tracer bullet looks like)
  • You beauty
You beauty is a line that Bill Lawry uses more often. Ravi might have picked it from him. Forget about Ravi. Let me come to the main Topic. I am gonna use that word You beauty for this post. I couldn't think of any other word when I thought of writing this post. Spend time on each photo for at least a few seconds and then say "You beauty" before you proceed to the next photo.

Sachin Tendulkar - You Beauty

Do you remember this photo? Three year old Sachin announcing to the world about his future.

The Caddick Hook - You Beauty

The Hook shot that he played against Caddick in the world cup is my all time favorite Sachin shot. The reaction time was so less and the manner in which he hooked the ball out of the ground made me go bonkers when I watched that match. The West Indians are known for their hook shots. But If there is one batsman who could even make the West Indians to stop and learn a trick or two about the hook shot, it has to be the Little Master.

The Straight Drive- You Beauty

Sachin fans would never forget the two thundering straight drives of Brett Lee. The greatest way to insult a fast bowler is to hit one past him. Sachin knows that trick and he does that in every game.

The Cover Drive - You beauty

If there is one batsman in the world who plays this shot exactly as it is written in the cricket manual, it is Sachin. His first match as an opener against the Kiwi's enabled him to unleash this special weapon and the world saw the talent hidden in the form of Sachin. Thanks Navjot Singh Sidhu for the opportunity that you gave to the Little Master.

The Fiery Flick - You beauty

Sachin finds himself along with Rahul Dravid and Kallis as the masters of this technique. Anything on the leg side will get the deserved treatment. You beauty

Don't bowl him bad balls, he puts the good balls for boundaries - Michael Kasprowicz (Australia)

The Guider - You beauty

When a 1oo mile bouncer approaches to hit your face, you would either duck or end up getting a body/head blow. But if you ask Shaun Tait and Shaun Pollack, they will tell you different stories about their experiences with Sachin. You gotta watch these shots to understand what I am referring to. You beauty

"Sachin rarely gets into verbal duels and soon we too realized that sledging at him only strengthens his concentration and resolve. No wonder then that some of the most talkative Australians went quiet when Sachin was in the middle." - Mathew Hayden(Australia) in his blog

The Square Cut- You beauty

Johnty, Collingwood, ABD, Dilshan are some fielders who normally stand in the point region and when they occupy this position, they would make sure to save at least 20 runs in that region. But that doesn't happen when Sachin is at the Crease. Even Johnty found it difficult to reach to the bullet cuts of Sachin. You beauty

The Upper Cut - You beauty

Sehwag and Tendulkar are the greatest exponents of this art. Pakistan was at the receiving end when two of the greatest upper cuts of all time were effected on them by the Indian openers in the ICC World cup. Waqar and Akthar were at the receiving ends. Parthiv Patel also tries this cut on various occasions only to be caught inside the 30 m circle.

Dancing down the wicket - You beauty

Ganguly is the first name that would pop up in an Indian's mind when we think about dancing down the wicket. Now almost every Indian cricketer does this with ease. Sachin's dance against Warne can never be forgotten. You beauty

I used to go to bed by having nightmares as if Sachin steps down the track and hit’s a SIX straight over my head - Shane Warne (Australia)

Running between the wickets - You beauty

Not one of the greatest runners between the wickets. But it is a treat to watch him running between the wickets. He has run more than any other cricketer in this world. You beauty.

Sachin Pull - You beauty

Place five fielders on the boundary and still he can find a gap between them. Such is his strength on this area. You beauty.

The Paddle Sweep- You beauty

When he returned back to play a world cup game against the Kenyans after his father's death, Sachin used this shot more than once . He even used the reverse-paddle sweep on his way to his hundred. That was an emotional innings. You beauty.

Sachin is arguably the best batsmen in the world, the kind of cricketing shots he has invented when he plays, is something we folks wouldn’t have even attempted to play during our times - Barry Richards (Australia)

The Bowler - You beauty

He started his bowling career as a medium pace bowler. He has even opened the bowling attack for India. Then he chose leg spin and in one match against the Aussies in Kochi, he spun the ball a mile and ended up getting 5 wickets in that match. How can one forget the famous googly ball that Moin Khan missed? You beauty.

Arms Wide Open - You Beauty

There was a period in Indian cricket, when Sachin got out, the entire batting order would collapse. This was the fate of the Indian team in the late 90s. Now the Indian team has great talents in the form of Sehwag, Dhoni and Yuvi. But Sachin is still the backbone for the Indian team. It is very evident in this world cup.

How many times have we seen this spectacle? He will do it yet again for his 100th International 100. That's gonna be a moment which will give us an opportunity to say "You beauty" once again.

Walking Tall - You beauty

None of us would admire a batsman when he gets out. But Sachin is an exception in this too. He walked tall even when the umpire gave him not out. Cricket is still a Gentleman's game.

Any day, I would not mind spending 1000 dollars to watch this guy play the game, even if he gets out in the very first ball. It is just the magic he adds into the field that matters a lot - Sir Vivian Richards (W.I)

You Beauty

- Chronicwriter

Monday, March 21, 2011

446. Bablu - The Greatest allrounder India never had.

When I was in Class 8, I was one among the popular guys in my class. But when I entered class 9, he joined our school. There was something about him that made everyone to turn their attention towards him. He had an aura of Grace around him. He carried himself like a True Gentleman. I knew that my popularity days in school are finally gonna get over.

Note: Why is Jadeja's picture added here? Read on, to know the answer

On the second day after he joined our school, He brought a whole cricket kit to school. The kit included a cricket bat, three stumps, cricket pads and even a groin guard. The bails and the ball did not feature in his cricketing kit. He would practice his shots with an imaginary bowler and we all saw his imaginary shot making practice sessions from our class room windows. On a couple of occasions he even stepped down the track like Ganguly and hoisted the imaginary ball for a mighty six over the Girls Toilet. After every shot, he went down the pitch and hit the ground with his bat. None of us knew why he did that. We had seen the professional players doing that on TV. But we did not know why it was done. The girls were soon falling for him and I did not like that.

The third day, we approached him and soon we found out that he knew everything about cricket. He used too many technical terms which none of us understood. None of us dared to ask any doubts. He even said that he had a video cassette of the match in which Kapil Dev scored 175 against Zimbabwe in the 1983 world cup. Only after the intervention of computers and Search Engines, I found out that the 1983 world cup match between India and Zimbabwe was actually not covered as BBC went on a strike. But that was almost a decade after I was fooled by Bablu. Yes that was his name. When he was born, his parents started calling him Bablu and that eventually became his name.

Coming back to Bablu and his heroics, we soon found out that Bablu was not just an amazing batsman but also a world class bowler. He always talked a lot about Shane Warne, Mutthiah Muralidharan and Kumble. He even predicted that Shane Warne and Mutthian Muralidharan will one day become world class bowlers. Cricket was flowing in Bablu's blood. Even while holding a pen for writing, he would hold it as if he was gripping a cricket ball. He would always do some hand gestures and would call that gesture as "Top spin", "Leg Spin" ,"Off spin , " Flipper" etc.. We have heard of slipper; but definitely not flipper. We never dared to ask him to explain more. We silently believed all that he said.

After a month of "All Barking and No working", we finally decided to enter the cricket field and play a game along with Bablu. After much fuss, he finally agreed.

"Look, friends! I normally play matches only in Chepauk Stadium. But as you are my friends, I would play with you," Bablu's voice had a sternness in it. He also told us that he would soon be featuring in the Indian under 16 national team. When our classmates selected our respective teams, we all wanted to be in Bablu's team. Unfortunately 11 of us had to be in the other team and I was one among the unlucky 11. To add to my woes, I was given the role to open the bowling attack. I literally shivered because I wasn't a fast bowler. I was an ordinary leg spinner who could turn the tennis ball a long way. But this was my first time with a real cricket ball. I was even more scared because Bablu would be facing my first ball. I have seen him coming down the wicket and play imaginary shots like Ganguly.

With a short run up, I bowled the first ball. It pitched wide of the leg stump and spun a long way and hit the leg stump. I was about to jump in joy when Bablu shouted " Trial ball". We had this habit of bowling a trial ball before bowling the actual ball. So I went back to my original position and started my run up. But Bablu was not ready. He was not happy because a small boy stood outside the Long-On Boundary. Bablu said that he was blocking his view. The boy was removed from the scene. So I started my run up for the first ball with little confidence. Bablu charged down the track. The ball spun away and the keeper did the rest. We shouted with joy and jumped around. Taking the wicket of Bablu wasn't an ordinary deal at all. But Bablu shouted and said " Chriz! You chucked ". I seriously did not understand what he said. Then he said that as we were cheating, he did not want to play with us. He took the stumps, packed it in his cricket kit and walked off. He did not come to play with us the whole of next week.

Finally after a week, we pleaded with him to come and play. After much coaxing he agreed. This time he was the bowler. His run up was similar to Shane Warne's. He would also grip the ball like Shane Warne. While releasing the ball, his facial reaction also replicated Shane Warne's release expression. The only difference was that Shane Warne's ball would spin a mile and Bablu's ball just went straight. When we asked him why it did not spin, he would say that it was the "Flipper". As always , he was too technical for us and we did not dare to cross question him. But we found one thing - "Bablu neither knew how to bat nor bowl". If at all the ball hit the batsman's pads, he would sit in western-toilet position, extend his arms and shout "Howzaaaaaaaaatttttttt". Even if the ball had pitched way outside the off stump and even if it was missing the stumps, he would go on appealing. Then he would even walk up to the umpire and tell him some technical stuff which the umpire would have no clue about.

That evening he called us all and told us that he would soon introduce a new form of bowling called as "Chinaman" bowling. The next day, Bablu came to the ground and bowled like the South African cricketer Paul Adams. We were all shocked. The ball landed everywhere except in the pitch. He soon told that such bowling will be suitable only in Chepauk pitches. We all burst out laughing. We felt sorry for the poor Indian under 16 team that would soon have our Bablu in their ranks. We knew that he was lying, but we did not corner him because none of us had a cricket kit with us.

Last night, I happened to see a cricket match in which Ravindra Jadeja played for India. When ever I saw him bowling, the only person who came to my memory was "BABLU". If you are Jadeja's classmate, please share your school life experiences with Jadeja. I am sure that Jadeja would have been like our Bablu.


Wednesday, March 16, 2011

445. World Cup Tamasha 2011

India is a cricketing team that always appears strong on paper. But in the Ongoing world cup, they are seen stumbling along. They defeated the minnows like Bangladesh, Netherlands and Ireland without much hassle ( Err, They struggled to get past Ireland ) ; but found the going tough against England and South Africa

Barring Sachin Tendulkar every member of the Indian team have let us down in this world cup. Sehwag, Yusuf, Virat showed momentary forms but lacked in consistency. Dhoni's not-so-brilliant moves which won him the inaugural T-20 world cup is not reliable anymore. Bringing on Nehra in the final over against SA where he was molested by Peterson was a classic example.

Joginder Sharma was lucky against Pakistan in the T20 finals. But things are not the same anymore. Raina is still warming the bench and Ashwin (who can be a real threat) is still waiting for a chance to grip the ball. Every Tom, Dick and Harry has something to say about cricket. Last year even my 73 year old neighbor started talking about world cup football when Football fever gripped the world. I can sense the same thing. In another two weeks, we would be talking about IPL. The Shahrukh Khan, Preity Zinta, Katrina Kaif, Blimp, Ravi Shastri Jokes will be back in action.

For the last 20 years, Indian Cricket has heavily relied on Sachin Tendulkar. The team has let him down many a times. The team has let him down in this world cup too. What will Team India be without Sachin? A question for which many would never have an answer. The Indian team that won the first T20 world cup in South Africa did not have Sachin. This is a clear indication of the fact that our team could indeed perform without him. But what exactly is the problem now?

How can this problem be rectified?

  • Should Mandira Bedi be brought back to the Indian Dressing room for some pep talk?
  • Should someone stuff a cork in Navjot Singh Sidhu's mouth?
  • Should Sreesanth lead the Indian Cheer girl's team and cheer the team to Glory?
  • Should Dhoni be replaced by Deep Das Gupta behind the stumps?
  • Should India's greatest all rounder "Ravindra Jadeja be included in place of Sehwag?

Questions are many. But If anyone can come up with a solution, I could try to talk with BCCI and implement the solution to benefit team India. We don't have much time in our hands. If the Indian team's performance continues the same way, we would even see them making their exit from the world cup. The Indian Cricket team has even practiced some steps that would help them to minimize damages when angry fans attack them from behind. This is one of the moves

The spin department has lacked the sting in this world cup. Harbhajan , who was not at his best, found his form in the match against South Africa. When even my 3 year old niece would have selected him to bowl the last over against South Africa in which the Africans needed more than a dozen runs to score, Dhoni did the unthinkable. Nehra was given the ball and the Africans had a ball. Nehra was brutally assaulted. When two cricketers (Sachin and Bhajji) perform amazingly well only to be left high and dry, they can either get angry or sad. But in the case of Sachin and Bhajji, they just laughed it off and started playing "Ring aring of roses, a pocketfull of posies, atishoo, atishoo, all fall down"

Some one becomes the butt of all jokes in every World cup. It was Gibbs in one of the earlier World cups when he dropped a sitter from Steve Waugh. This time, for team India, the undoubted joker is Ashish Nehra.

But still, Kamran Akmal beats Nehra by a large margin with his drop(pings). We would have heard the famous quote that behind every successful man there is woman. On the same lines , we can very surely say that behind every successful batsman there is Kamran Akmal.

Will Team India win the 2011 World cup for the country and for the Little Master?

Are you low, sad and angry because of India's performance in this world cup? Just one look at this smiling face would drive all that feelings into the trash bin.

Sachin! We adore you

- Chronicwriter

Monday, March 07, 2011

444. The Blind Drive before the Semester examination

The late David Shepherd is my favorite cricket Umpire and he would be the favorite for every cricket lover. I always loved watching him in action. He had a peculiar way of signaling fours. He had this tendency to shake his hands while signalling fours. Many of his fans still mimic this action while celebrating fours. Perhaps his most famous quirk is the NELSON hop. (The number 111 is known as the NELSON and is considered unlucky for the batsman). Shepherd would lift one foot off the ground whenever the score reached 111, or multiples thereof, they being regarded as unlucky by Shepherd in a ritual dating back to his childhood cricket team days. He died of Lung cancer in 2009.

Now, Why am I writing about David Shepherd? Is it because of the reason that this is Chronicwriter's 444th post? The answer might be Yes. But there is a better connection than the Nelson Number that is associated with this post. This post is about an unforgettable incident that made a friend of mine to hop on one leg like David Shepherd. Without much ado, let me get into the incident.

18th November 2005

It was a cold friday evening in a college in Cochin (A Southern State in India). Chronicwriter and his four friends (Midhun Raj, Anterson Antony, Joseph Pius, Shyam) were in a mixed state of mind. In another three days (21st November) they would be writing their MBA third semester exam on Advanced Operations Research Paper. The subject was one of the toughest in the third semester. They had no clue about the subject. They knew that only Mahatma Gandhi could help them pass the exam ( The college was accredited to MG University)

The Plan

" Shall we go for a movie? ", Joseph Pius started the discussion as usual.

" No, You guys carry on. I am waiting for a call from my wifey (girlfriend)", Shyam gave his usual reply.

" Come on guys! Let us at least go to the ladies hostel and sing songs for them " , Midhun got our attention with this statement.

" What about Punjabi Dhaba for dinner", Anterson gave his suggestion.

"Or What about Cherai beach? It is just 18 miles from college", Chronicwriter joined in the conversation.

We started the discussion at 6 in the evening and it went on for an hour. We did not come to a conclusion yet. But we all had one Goal in mind " We wanted to have fun"

The Action

Finally we decided to just hop inside Joseph Pius's car and drive to any place, the car took us. ( In this picture, you can see Joseph Pius posing along with his Maruti 800 car). Joseph took the wheel. Anterson Antony sat in the front. Midhun Raj, Shyam and I sat in the backseat.It was almost 8 pm. We were about to leave the hostel when He asked us , " Where are you guys going?". We stopped the car to find who it was? It was our very own Butter. (Original name is not added for Chronicwriter's wellbeing). Butter was clad in a Banian (Sleeveless Vest) and a Lungi (Dhoti). We did not know what to answer him. So we told him that we were going to have dinner in Punjabi Dhaba. " I know that the car is already full, But still Can I join you guys for dinner?", Butter asked innocently. We were moved and we asked him to hop in too.

" Let me wear my slippers", Butter blurted out.

"No need to wear your slippers. We would just drive in and order food and eat it inside the car itself. So just come as you are ", Joseph gave a wise suggestion.

The next moment, Butter was also inside the car. He was barefoot and he was clad in his vest and lungi.

"Guys, Did you study for the exam? I have studied very well for the exam. I can help you guys if you need any help", Butter voluntarily came forward to help us.

The car did not go towards Punjabi Dhaba. It started moving in the opposite direction. Punjabi Dhaba is situated just 2 miles from our Hostel. It takes less than 10 minutes by car to reach the place. Butter suddenly got a doubt when he realised that we were driving for more than 30 minutes

"Where are we guys going? ", Butter again posed his inquisitive question.

" You will know soon", Anterson Antony replied from the front seat.

" But I need to come back to Hostel and help others in revising for the exam ", Butter's tone had a percentage of Uncomfort in it.

No one replied him. The car soon stopped near a Tasmac shop ( Alcohol shop). Two Crates of Beer were loaded inside the car ( Totally 48 beer bottles). Butter was now really worried. Butter would never forget that Friday night in his life. He never knew where we were heading too. He was almost on the verge of crying. The funny part of the story is that neither the rest of us had any clue on where we were heading to.

The clinging sound of the bottles were soon heard inside the car which was accompanied by all of us saying, "Cheers to Operations Research Exam". Butter was a Teetotaller. But the others were drunkards.

Chronicwriter used to drink those days. But One beer was more than enough to get him stoned. Midhun also was not into drinking. He would just take a couple of sips from the beer bottle. Alcohol was not at all necessary to get these two guys High. But the Trio of Shyam, Anterson Antony and Joseph Pius were Elephants when it comes to drinking. They could each gulp ten bottles of beer each without getting high.

The car started moving again. We were driving without a destination. Butter started crying. His cry fell in deaf ears. When ever he cried, we laughed at him. Suddenly he said , "Idiots I don't even have a pair of slippers on me." The only reaction that he got from us was our loud laughter.

He got pissed with us and he then delivered the most inspirational one liner ever," You Fagg@#$ ! I am just wearing a vest and a Lungi". Loud laughter erupted inside the car once again. (That is Butter in his Red Designer Lungi and White Vest, moments before he performed the Nelson Hop)

The car stopped after 6 hours in a place called Calicut with 5 drunk guys and one guy with swollen eye bags. It was early saturday morning and we had travelled almost 140 miles. Butter did not have any more strength to cry. The only reaction that he got for all his pleading cries was an irritating loud-group-laughter from all of us. The journey did not end there. Saturday morning was spent in the Calicut beach and very soon the car started its journey again. Butter was now happy because he thought that we were heading back to college. But his happiness was shortlived when he discovered that the car was moving further north. After a few hours, we were in Karnataka and we reached Goa in the Night. To add salt to the injury, we pulled Butter to a Night-disc and we all danced to glory. We started our journey back to college on Sunday morning. We reached Cochin on Monday Morning at 8 a.m. with a heavy aching head. The exam started at 9.30 am. We had no clue what we wrote in the answer sheets. The creative brain in all of us were in full flow and we managed to even write answers to questions that we never understood.

Click the picture below to have a clear idea on the Three day journey that we had before our semester exam. We are in good positions in different sectors around the globe. We have moved away from the vices too. Still these little old memories bring you that wry smile when you reminisce about it.

Note: Except Butter, all of us passed the exam with flying colors.


Wednesday, March 02, 2011

443. Bathing and the Age Factor

Note: This is a post about Boys.

Age 3 and below : Mom takes care of your daily bath. We all smell so nice and wonderful during this period. Johnson and Johnson is one product that took full advantage of this age group.

Age 3 to Age 5 : Our experimentation with self-bathing exercise is kick-started. Almost all of us get it wrong when it comes to applying the soap on our face. Mom comes to the rescue when she hears the loud scream that comes from the bathroom. The bathroom looks like a war scene during this period.

Age 6 - Age 10 : This is the period when one becomes a master in the bathing experience. Decent amount of water is poured on the body before and after the soap is applied. The bathing process is also quick. One takes less than 5 minutes to take bath. Children living in South India apply coconut Oil prior to taking bath.

Age 11 - Age 13 : The Ugly Ducklings. No one in this age group would love to have a bath. Instead, They would prefer to play in the streets with a cricket bat and a ball. Mom's would get mad at their boys. The boys would smell like Rotten Eggs and they would look like Sreesanth during this period.

Age 14 - Age 17 : The Golden Age. Suddenly, the Bathroom becomes the most special place for boys of this age group. They would even spend an hour inside the bathroom. The one hour is usually spent on thinking about world peace, making the country a better place to live in, striving for gender equality for women, dreaming about sending 2G-spectrum rockets to space and many more useful things.

Age 18 - 21 : This is the time when most of the boys would be having a whale of a time in their college life. Everyone would love to look like Edward Cullen. New bathroom products are applied on their bodies and as a result most men would end up looking like a male version of Rakhi Sawant.

Age 22-26 : The Fast-food age. Men would be working in some IT firms. They take three minutes to take a bath. But the post grooming process goes on for an hour. Expensive perfumes are a part of this process. Almost everyone uses an Axe-Body spray with the hope of making heads turn at them. How ever the body-spray has a peculiar output especially when it mixes with sweat.

Age 26 and Above : Complicated Era. For some , it would become the Golden age. For many it would still be the Fast-food age. For a few, it is natural disaster period. It depends on the kind of life partner that one gets during this period.

The Chennai Effect : All through my life, I had the habit of using at least 500 liters of water while taking bath. The shower would be always on even when I applied soap all over my body (Like Preity Zinta in the Liril Ad). I never had the opportunity to take bath like Sharukh Khan (Remember the Lux Ad?). Now let me come back to the topic. All these years, "The save water" campaign fell into my deaf ears. But now I know what it really means. Yes! I am now in Chennai for good. I am getting used to taking bath in half a bucket of water.

Two mugs are used before applying the soap and four mugs of water are used after the soap is applied. I would soon look like Sreesanth. My two year Singapore stint has finally come to an end. I would soon be writing a few articles about my experience in Singapore.

Doubt : Should I write a post on women and their relationship to bathing?