Jul 16, 2010

422. The Nasty CANE

I was very good with numbers till I was 15. But when I completed my class 1o exams, I decided to major in computer Science for my higher secondary education. I neither had great love for computers nor did I want to become a computer engineer. Still I wanted to major in computer science for three reasons.

  1. I was very bad in drawing and if I had to major in Bio-Maths, I would have had to draw many Biological and zoological diagrams.

  2. By taking computer science elective, I could become a computer science whiz by becoming a world class programmer in cutting edge programming languages like BASIC, PASCAL ( Back in the year 1997, these were hi-5 programming languages indeed)

  3. I could also play mind boggling computer games like Skyroads, Prince of Persia,Dave and Super Mario. ( Some body would upload these games in the school computers via a floppy diskette). I learnt all the cheat codes in all these games.
There was a problem. The school, where I did my class ten did not have a computer science course for higher secondary education. So I was left with the only option of finding a school where computer science subject was taught. Hence I landed in CSI Matriculation school. It was a new school for me with a new environment.
I was one of the bright lads in my previous school. But in this new place, I was totally out of place. The only saving grace was my love for the subject Mathematics". I was very sure that I could blow away anyone with my number tricks. Shakuntala Devi's puzzles were solved in a jiffy. Yet I never knew the surprise that was waiting for me in this new school.The first week in the new school, all of us tried to garner attention by telling the best possible lies that we could tell our new classmates. I soon had a small crowd around me with my wits. The subjects that I had to encounter in the next two years were announced. They were

  1. English

  2. Tamil ( Though I took Tamil as my second language, I was always found in the French class. The French ma'm was HOT)

  3. Chemistry ( This was one subject that I was very good at)

  4. Physics ( Though I did not have a great liking towards this subject, my dad's scientist cells were flowing in my veins)

  5. Computer Science ( Read it as computer games)

  6. Mathematics ( I was the guy to watch out for. I was very confident that there would be no one to beat me on this)

But I was wrong. The Devil came in the disguise of my mathematics teacher. His name was Arulanandham. He symbolised all that was evil. He would walk inside the class frowning like a Gorilla. He would always have a cane in his hand. Everyone hated him for that one reason. Yet I believed that I could confuse him with the genius mathematical brain that I had.

After the first week, the ice was broken and we had our own gangs. I wanted to sit in the last bench. But because of my short stature, I had to sit in the front row in class and as a result of which, I was always chosen by the teachers to rub the black board. I found it real hard to rub the top portion of the black board with a duster. Yet I managed it.


Arulanadham took special interest in my poor bum. He often tested the flexibility of his cane on my bum. On one occasion he caught me singing inside the class. He exercised his cane lashing skills on my bum and I found it hard to sit on the wooden bench for one whole week. Very soon, I developed an Arulandham-phobia. He had a very bad habit of making the students answer mathematical formulae and when they gave an incorrect answer, his cane would do the talking.

I still remember that Friday afternoon class. He suddenly asked me ," Chriz! Can you tell me what (a+b)^2 is?". His eyes were burning like red coals. He was flexing his cane too. I had a gulp in my throat. My mouth became dry and the mathematical genius in me committed an instant suicide. "Can't you even tell the answer of a simple formula?". I still did not answer. The cane played music on my bum. The girls in the class saw it. They enjoyed it too, because I was the only MALE CHAUVINISTIC PIG in the class.

My friend Prakash's butt was also pampered to glory. That day , we decided to take revenge on Arulandham sir. Prakash and I hatched a plan to flick Arulandham's cane. Without the cane, he would only be a half tyrant teacher. He was not effective with the other canes. The cane that he had was so special. It would bend like an elastic wand and when it comes in contact with our rear ends, we would hear jazz music in our ears.

Arulandham sir kept his cane on his bike. The cane was always tied to the side grip of the bike. I and Prakash went to Arulandham sir's house that night. It was 9 pm. The bike was parked in his front yard. Only the street light was on. His house was locked and the lights inside the house were switched off. I climbed the compound wall and jumped inside, ran to the bike, took the cane and jumped out of compound wall. It all happened in no time. Prakash was waiting outside on his bicycle. We escaped from the scene. Prakash cycled as fast as he could. Our hearts were pounding faster. But soon everything returned to normalcy. I was the most happiest boy in the planet. I broke the wooden cane into two and threw it in a dustbin. I had a peaceful weekend.

After the joyful weekend, I headed to school. During the morning assembly, the school principal (Mr. Williams) came forward to give an important announcement. "Chriz and Prakash are requested to come forward to the stage". I literally peed on my pants. When we walked to the stage, we were greeted by Arulandham Sir. He had a brand new cane in his hand. I heard unpleasant non stop music in my ears for ten minutes. At the end of the music session, i was lying on the floor. Prakash was also in a similar condition.

Moral : If the light inside the house is switched off, it is very difficult to spot people inside the house. But that doesn't mean that people inside the house cannot notice all that is going outside the house.

Latest News: I met Arulandham sir after 10 years. He still remembers the incident

-Chronicwriter

Jul 15, 2010

421. Fake Reality

I love to sit in a chair and reminisce on the past. Memories always give me a warm touch to my soul. Here I am sitting in front of my computer, thinking of a topic to type for my blog post. I remember my childhood days now.


When I was a little kid, my aunt narrated the Cinderella fairy tale to me. I loved listening to fairy tales. Which kid would not? She also told me many other stories. She was my favorite aunt. All my cousins loved her so much. In one of the stories, she talked about the "Flying Cat". Now I am not a child anymore and I do not get an opportunity to sit and listen to fairy tales. I have neither seen a flying cat all my life. But just now as I type this line, the fairy tale incident came true in my life. I saw a "Flying cat" for the first time in my life.

Well, The cat was sitting on the window in the 24th floor. It was a brown cat. I did not have time to check the cat's gender. The cat was sleeping. Unfortunately for the cat, I was sitting near the same window. My hand did the trick. The cat flew. I looked around. No body saw that. So I am continuing with this post. I have seen human beings flying around in science fiction movies. But in reality, I have never seen a human being fly. Hopefully I will see a human being fly too.
Now I am happy that I could at least write about one incident in this post. I always type my post without a clue on what the paragraph would eventually look like. The flow always carry me along with it. When I was 6 years old, I never had any inhibitions. I would wear a frock and run around the house, climb trees and even chase hens in the neighbour's farm ( When I say Farm, I am talking about the real Farm and not the fake farmville which attracts people with IQ less than 20). But One day, I climbed a Neem tree wearing a frock. A wood pecker lived in the trunk of the tree. I am not going to explain the history of the incident. That was the last time I wore a frock. Now I wish I could still wear a frock and walk around freely.

I am sleepy now. So should I end this post here? I feel that I have not done justice by just talking about two incidents in this post. I guess I will get some ideas from my cup board.So let me write about one more incident before I end this post. (Chriz opens his cup board and closes it immediately and resumes typing this post)
Let me tell you, What I saw inside the cupboard. I saw a boy Lizard making Love to a Girl Lizard. Being a guy who respects True Love, I did not want to disturb them. I did not place a hidden camera inside the cupboard too. If only Lenin Karuppan had been as Noble as me, Nithyananda would have never been on Youtube.

( This type of writing is called as Real Time writing. It was just invented by me)


-Chronicwriter

Jul 12, 2010

420. Childhood Ambitions

I was going through my Dad's photo album and this picture caught my attention. This picture was taken in the 1950's [click picture for an enlarged view]. My dad is in the extreme left of the picture. The rest are his brothers and cousins. This picture conveys the message of humor to us.It was clicked during one train journey. My uncle (extreme right) had cracked a joke and that has made my dad and his cousins to laugh. My dad vaguely remembers that incident, though he couldn't exactly remember what the joke was.

Every Human being would have a childhood ambition. My dad wanted to become a scientist. The hardships that he went through to achieve his childhood Goal were many. I am proud of him because of what he has achieved in life. His ambition never changed and he held on to his goal and worked hard to achieve it. He joined I.S.R.O in the 1970s and he is still with the same firm and reaching the very top of the organisation. Staying with the same firm for close to 40 years is something that I could not even fathom in my dreams.

I have changed 5 jobs in 5 years. My childhood ambitions kept on changing with time.When I was three years old - I wanted to become a cop. But when I was Three and half years old I fell in love with Renu. Before I turned Ten, I had already wanted to become a lawyer, doctor, District collector, Bike racer and Chef. But when I turned ten, I was still wetting my bed and hence my only goal in life was focused on quitting bed-wetting.

When I entered my teens, I became a great fan of Sachin Tendulkar and hence I wanted to become a cricketer. I started watching detective series too and hence I also wanted to become a detective. By the time, I was done with school, I thought that being an Engineer would be cool. As soon as I joined an engineering college, I realised that being an engineer was not at all a cool thing. But very soon I realised that over the years, I developed a strong sense of thinking out of the box. It took me many years to realise the potential that was sleeping somewhere near my small intestine.

There are two kinds of people
  1. People like my dad, who realise their potential at a very young age and work towards achieving their Goal.
  2. People like me, who take life as it comes and in the process realise their potential.

If you have not realised your potential yet, keep on experimenting with life. One day, you would realise your potential. On that day, all your failures would act as a great case study material for you to present to the future generation.

If someone asks you the million dollar question," What is your goal in life?" and if you do not have a specific answer, he might even put you down by saying " You are not serious in your life yet". Yes! You might not have been serious in life. But still there is hope and you can always realise your potential anytime in life.

Sometimes you have to aim at the target and shoot at it. Some times you have to just shoot blindly at the wall and call it the target. None of us are failures.Let no one despise your ambitions and do not allow anyone to steal your dignity.

Note: I did not intend to take this philosophical turn. But this is a much needed message for a few of my friends who are going through a tough time in life.

I would like to congratulate my dad and his team for successfully launching the 5 satellites in orbit.You guys have done our country proud. If only the rocket had fallen inside the Bay of Bengal, I would have had an opportunity to pull your legs. Never the less, good work.Next time, please send Rakhi Sawant and Bal Thackarey to space too.

One Question: What was your childhood ambition?

-Chronicwriter

Jul 9, 2010

419. Men can do anything

Note : This post is not written by a Male Chauvinistic Pig. Hence all the female chauvinistic pigs can stay away from this post.

In a world Dominated and Ruled by Women, the male species have gone through shame and abuse on a consistent basis. If you disagree with me, please take a look at the Tenth and Higher Secondary Exam results ratio between Men and Women.

But the gang of men have realised that they can't be molested for ever. They have decided to prove their mettle to the rest of the world and to prove their worth, they have successfully accomplished the following five amazing things.

1) Men can have babies. Yes If you do not believe me, use Google to know the results
2) Men can breast feed too. [Google for help again]
3) Men can sit in one place and do NOTHING.[ Go to any IT firm and you will find the proof]
4) Men can fix anything too. Please see the following pictures.


The best broom in the whole wide world. Other recommended books that can be used for making a broom/mop are a. Engineering Books (AK Sawahney) b. Oxford Dictionary c. Any Medical book.

The trolley can be used for many reasons. It can be used as a transport device. It can also be used for an awesome GRILLED evening.


A brick in time saves a Fall. No need for a mason. The brick can be removed and the hole can be used as a kennel for your puppy. If your wife irritates you so much, you can shove her inside this hole too.


A carom board striker and a permanent marker is enough to solve this problem.

Now we have seen 4 amazing things that men can also do. But don't go away. The Best is yet to come.


5. Men can Cook.


Women are always considered to be great chefs. But they don't make the cut in hotels and restaurants (Usually) because the world knows that men can cook better than women. But still the gang of girls claim that they are better wizards inside the kitchen. To make matters worse, all the food Blogs are penned by women. I am not sure whether they really cook all the dishes that are displayed on their blog or whether their poor hubbies are threatened not to reveal the truth.


One man (A blog friend of mine) decided to make a statement that MEN CAN COOK too. They say that You can never tame an African Elephant. My friend is one such person. He made a mighty entry into the food world by cooking all the following dishes.

His name is Sajeeve and his blog "BOY MEETS GRILL" has already started creating waves in the west. Click his picture to visit his Blog. Get started with yummy recipes.

Latest News :

Chronicwriter has finally said good bye to Jockey under wears. Last week, he burnt all his 12 Jockey under wears. He took this daring decision when he found that Dr. Vijay also wears a jockey underwear. Now he is surviving with this [link] . Please suggest a Brand that suits a humor blogger.

-Chronicwriter.

Jul 1, 2010

418. The first indiblogger meet outside India

The first Indiblogger meet outside India took place in Singapore (Indising) and I am proud to say that I took part in it. It was entirely different from the usual blog-meets where the ice breaking session would consume 50 % of the time. 11 participants took part in the Indising meet and it took no time for the 11 of us to break the formal shackles. We sat around a table and started yapping like college students catching up after ages.

It was good to come across bloggers with diverse interests and skills. Some of the highlights of the meet were

  1. There was not even a single know-it-all-crap-talker in this meet. Though a couple of the participants were really brainy, they gelled well with a group without thumping their class
  2. The food was excellent. We took two hours to finish the starters
  3. We even started pulling each other's legs at the end of the two hour meet.
  4. Everybody had their moment of happiness
  5. As it was a small group, we got to know more about each other
Now It is my duty to introduce to all my readers, the ten bloggers I met through this meet. If you carefully follow the story board below, you would surely be remembering all the names of the 10 bloggers.

Venue: Class Room - The Indian Blogger School

Characters

  1. Maria (The school teacher)
  2. Jamshed (The class leader)
  3. Honey ( The beauty of the class. 3 students in the class has a crush on her)
  4. Sushant ( The calm and good guy)
  5. Krunal ( The wise man in the class)
  6. Chriz ( The class comedian)
  7. Divya (The teacher's pet)
  8. Gandhi ( The Lover Boy who is always in a dream world)
  9. Krithika ( The silent girl of the class)
  10. Vijay (Everybody calls him a kiddo)
  11. Anirudh ( Girls go crazy when he smiles)
You can click each picture to get a better view.




The back bench students are known for their notorious under-the bench dealings in class


Chriz is a very innocent guy. But Miss Maria doesn't like him


Jamshed's first time in the last bench.



One for all. All for one

Jamshed is very generous and he likes sharing with everyone in the class


If you had followed the story so far, all the 11 characters would be in your finger tips. If not, read again.

-Chronicwriter