May 12, 2010

406. Dr. Joseph Vijay - The Shark god (Sura)

Dr. Joseph Vijay Chandrasekhar is the biggest gift that Tamilnadu has ever got in History. He is a phenomenon that has taken the Tamil film Industry by storm. He has donned many death defying roles and has acted in 50 films till date. His latest movie Sura (Shark God) is definitely worth an Oscar. This post is a review on Sura. But before I get into the movie review, I should introduce this PhD genius of my country to my Non-Tamil friends.

Note: If you are a Dr. Vijay fan you need not read any further. This post might give you a heart attack. If not, it will definitely force you to hate Chronicwriter

Dr. Vijay

Dr. Vijay was destined to be a super hero. But just because he was reluctant to wear the underwear outside his pants, he was born as a normal human being. Vijay means victory. He was born on 22 June 1974. Doctors, Scientists, Numerologists and Deepak Chopra predicted that he would be born on 21st June 1974. But Dr. Vijay wanted to prove them wrong and prolonged his own appearance on earth and hence entered this world a day later. This baffled all the experts and immediately they named 21st June as the longest day in a calendar year (A True tribute to Dr. Vijay)
Dr. Vijay started his acting career when he turned 18. When his first film Naalaiya Theerpu (Tomorrow’s judgment) was released in the year 1992, AIDS started spreading in Africa and eventually Magic Johnson tested positive for HIV.

Vijay is an excellent dancer, stunt man, romance artist, singer, sentimental actor and midnight masala dancer.If you could remember the program “Midnight Masala” (Sun TV) which single handedly corrupted the innocent minds of millions of young adults (including Chronicwriter's) in the mid nineties, you would definitely remember Vijay. Midnight Masala was a program that was screened at 12 am.Dr. Vijay was a regular dancer in that program. He would reveal his belly button in almost all the songs that he danced.To prove his versatility, he decided to quit his Midnight Masala activities and started acting in romantic movies. Some of his movies that I would recommend for you are
  • Kaadhalukku Mariyadhai ( Respect for Love) - A movie in which he elopes with his girlfriend only to realise that she loves her parents more and hence decides to drop her back at her home
  • Thullaadha manamum thullum ( The heart that doesn't jump will jump) - A movie in which the heroine is a collector and he even makes the collector to run behind him in love.
  • Friends - A movie in which he sits in a chair for 6 long years because of constipation problem.
  • Kushi ( Happy) - A movie in which his girlfriend donates blood to him and he reciprocates his love by glancing at her hips.
  • Gilli ( Smartass) - A movie in which he inspires his kabbadi team to win the finals even after losing in the semifinals
  • Pokkiri ( Bad boy) - A movie in which he acts as an undercover agent with a love for uppuma

After acting in movies depicting his acting talents, he decided to venture into comedy roles. He immediately struck Gold. Today he is the number one comedian in Tamil film industry. Actors like Vadivel and Vivek (who are great comedians too) are no match to Vijay's exemplary comedy skills.

He has been instrumental in inducing head aches, dysentery, heart attacks, nausea, kidney disorder and urinary infection to those who watch his movie. Because of his movies, medical practioners are lucky enough to have more patients in their hospitals. The doctors have become rich in the past few years solely because of Vijay. Hence to honor him, they presented him with a honorary Doctorate degree.

Sura was his 50th film as hero. Chronicwriter wanted to be the first person to write a review on the movie. But when he saw the movie, he suffered heavy dysentery and hence could not immediately write a review. Now he is alright and still alive and living to tell the story.

Sura – Review

Disclaimer: Everything that is written below is true and if you have any nauseating symptoms while reading the review, feel free to throw up on your laptop/computer/mobile phone.

I spent 12 dollars to watch this flick. If I could convert it to Indian money it would be Rs 396. I could have used the same money to buy myself a dozen poompukar underwears. But still I decided to spend this money on Dr. Vijay’s movie, because I used to admire his acting skills during my college days. I regret it now, but still the movie is now worth a blog entry.

The movie opens in the beach. NDTV,TIMESNOW, Bark Dutt and Anshuman gather at the Yazhnagar beach in search of some juicy gossip. The fishermen of Yazhnagar are missing in action for 6 long days. Helicopters , rescue boats go inside the sea to search for them and successfully brings them back to the shore. But our hero “sura” does not return to the shore. With sad background music, the viewers are made to believe that the hero had lost his life inside the sea. If only he had lost his life inside the sea, it would have done the film a world of good. But our hero suddenly emerges out from the middle of the sea and zooms up into the air like AGNI missile, swims in the air for approximately 7 kilometers and lands on the shore (See below picture)


As soon as he reaches the shore, he runs inside the village and starts dancing with the babes of the village. This is the first song of the movie. When he comes out of the water, his shirt is brown in colour and when he reaches the shore and starts dancing, it automatically becomes blue(see picture below). The director of the movie must have written the script on a toilet paper for sure.

Sura is the brother for every girl in the village and the son for every parent. In other words, He is the pillar of support to all the families. He even makes a pledge that he would marry only after all the problems of the villagers’ are met. But after seeing Tammanna (the heroine of the movie), he changes his plans and breaks the pledge.

Vadivel (Comedian) tries his level best to crack jokes, but he stands no comparison to the comical genius of Vijay. If you think that I would be writing a review on this movie, I feel sorry for you, because there is no content in the movie that I could actually write about. But one thing is guaranteed, “Sura is an outright entertainer” and if you want to have some laughs, I would recommend it for you.

How ever,Pregnant ladies can avoid watching this movie. But if you want to have immediate labor pains, Sura is the movie for you.

The punch dialogues in the movie are scattered all across the movie, like a crow pooping into the Tiffin boxes of school children. One punch dialogue is worth mentioning,

“ Sura kitta modhuradhum, Transformerkulla thalaiya viduradhum
onnudhaan”
( Fighting against Sura is similar to Inserting your
head inside an Electric Transformer)
.

Watching this movie gives you the same effect also. You might think that I am satirically criticizing the movie and the actor. But if you have common sense and Love for good movies, then you would relate to my feelings.

-Chronicwriter

30 comments:

  1. 100 % SURE ...THANK GOD I SWITCHED OFF MY LAP AFTER VIJAY CAME OUT FROM SEA....

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  2. i HAVE to watch this now!! even thou i wont understand anythin

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  3. Ha ha :-D I appreciate your "Risk edukardhellaam, enaku Rusk saapadra maadhiri" attitude !!

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  4. Chriz,

    Stomach ache into 3 (the other two being appa and sister! :D) I read it out to them and they thoroughly enjoyed it esp the reference to winning the finals after losing the semis in Gilli. (My sister wants to watch this again - but does it happen Chriz, or ungaloda thillalangadiyaa? :P)

    Thanks again for making US laugh! :)

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  5. LOL!! @ friends movie's description :P

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  6. Hehe, Great review boss.:D

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  7. Watched this movie with wifey and cousins. One of my cousin has become Vijay Worldwide rasigar mandram thaialvar after the movie.

    Blockbuster. Over night he gets an Audi. No problems on registration waiting period for Vijay.

    Songs are even better.

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  8. 50 movies, 50 million reviews blasting his crap movies...

    and still that bugger wants to act...

    Unbelievable...

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  9. AMAZING!!!!!!! u sure do crack me up!

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  10. i lyked pokiri in telugu, dont know about tamil,

    might be bcoz of illeana ; :P

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  11. being a hindi speaker, i generally dont comment on cinema, I dont understand(in term of culture and the language offcourse). But I have to watch good cinema especially shivaji ganeshan ones.

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  12. hey SUN TV does bogus promotion that it is running in full houses. Kalavaani pasanga. Sangam theatre people cheated my frnd into buying balcony tickets for it. They said 10 rs and 45 rs ticket were over, only to see they sold only balcony ticket, pannadai.

    And about Gilli,i am not defending him but the fact is they only said "kashtamayidichi machi" they never said they lost the match :P

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  13. Really...I gotta be watching it...no matter it'll have to be a Hindi dubbed version!!:)

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  14. ^5!!! full of LOLlu stuff!! still wasting 12$ was crazy from u part... but worth this blog post though!!

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  15. hahaha :D :D OMG I so wish that vijay would read this :D
    hillarious...

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  16. God!!! Thanks for the review but now i m suffering from Constipation...

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  17. Terrific review dude hahah!It is fitting that this needs to be published in the Friday Review of The Hindu :D

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  18. hey Chriz, when you saw that movie? cos 12 dollars at present conversion rates come to 500+ rupees. and by ur calculation its just 33Rs per dollar. which was way back in 1990's.

    BTW after reading ur reviews about vijay's movie i wont be watching any of his movies

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  19. @vivek : you did a noble deed

    @mayz: doesnt matter even if u dont understand a thing.. have you see porn stuff?

    @shrihari: got used to it bro

    @srini: yes! they lose in the semi's and enter the finals

    @marsh : din't i tell the truth?

    @ZB :thank you very much indeed

    @sid : have to erect a statue for your cousin

    @Arv : he is a doctor. he knows what is best

    @gibsy : thats the sole reason why this blog exists

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  20. @Lincoln : Pokkiri was good- thanks to vadivel

    @Tequila : shivaji ganesan ones? the archaic period of tamil cinema

    @venky : same blood. kashtamayiduchu in slang means " we lost it"

    @Jaunty : you are gonna jump into a lion's den

    @sreevas : lollu indeed.. born with that

    @ Kavi: sura = soora mokkai

    @ Rajalakshmi : he would say SILENCE

    @ Anup : eat lot of laxatives.. hope you would be better soon

    @ Jeremy : thanks for the enco

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  21. @santosh : i appreciate your lateral thinking process.. but US is not the only country which has dollar as its currency.. there are other countries too.. and Rs 33 exchange rate calculation was exact and guess the country

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  22. Hi! Chriz,

    superrrrrr herooo vijay...no match for u eh?
    The first film of vijay i watched was Azhagiya Tamil Magan, so u can imagine in what state i would have been... :)
    but u know i go for tamil movies expecting certain undigestive scenes...so usually i get into the mood....
    My fav is kamalji & his movies are far different from normal tamil movies...
    but now i see a lot of realistic movies too in tamil yaar....lot of improvement i should say( leave the sura kind eh!)

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  23. Good review. Liked that you did honors to who ever that is :)

    There are movies made for the common man too who sometimes cannot appreciate the finer aesthetics of film-making. And who is interested in watching some great masala stuff on the screen.

    For them, every scene, song, dance and action sequence is an opportunity to experience a larger than life image on the screen. To master all these at least to an extent where people turn out in larger numbers in smaller cities is the perfection of his role as an actor catering to his select audience of common folk.

    And getting the formula right every time to make sure a decent collection for his producers in the box-office and a visual treat for his fans. The movie makers laugh all the way to banks. Reviewers get a chance to discern the good and bad and pass judgments on what they feel is quality cinema.

    Those who don't like make a mockery of it and that serves as an excellent tool for humor writing. All in all Dr.Vijay deserves this success and popularity for all the hard work he has done over the years. To act in 50 movies is a huge task and still remain a star attraction is because he has got talent, simple!

    Loved the review, keep writing :)

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  24. lols.. bestest review... even after millions of ppl damaging our SURA thala.. he continue acting... tats what I wanna appreciate about :) :)

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  25. i gotta say, this is heck of a good shit!!! i cracked up massive....

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  26. Lols :D Kickass job bro !! Wish Vijay Should read this review .

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  27. I just watched this movie for the sole reason you had mentioned ,non-stop comedy from start to finish...

    he's surely giveing comedians a run for their money..

    gr8 post ..
    cheers !!!!

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  28. vijay sir i give mama work......... r u ready...??????
    by billa venky

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  29. hi every1..the review abt ghilli is sumthing i won't agree but rest is true esp. sura...the review abt sura has been so hilarious n that june 21st longest day was so funny.anyway..some of his older movies were watchable but recent films hv been disappointing.
    Overall,the post made me laugh. wonder if chronicwriter posted without laughing? lolz

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