Apr 23, 2010

404. Error code - IPL

Cricket was a gentleman's game in the past. With the inclusion of corrupt men in the mid 80s, cricket no longer was a gentleman's game and with the invasion of IPL, the game has lost its charm. If there is one entity that has gang-banged the game of cricket, it has to be IPL. Entertainment, Cheer girls, movie stars and every Tom, Dick and Harry who do not have any clue about the game have become the centre of attraction because of IPL. The good talented cricketers are made to warm the benches.

IPL - Idiot's Panga League, Idli Pulav Ladoo, Italian Pizza & Lasagna, Indian Premier League. The name doesn't matter as long as some bozos govern it.

For starters, IPL is a spoof show in cricket which is an idea stolen from the English Premier League. Indians are not good footballers. The only Good footballer -Baichung Bhutia is being kicked around between Mohan Bagan and East Bengal. A spoof football show is not a bright idea in India. Hence the Directors and Script writers of IPL chose Cricket as the victim and that is how IPL was born. The Indian Premier league has already seen three shows so far. Infact the third show is in its climatic phase now.I would like to do a recap of the three IPLs that has taken place so far.

IPL -1 ( The trailor )

  • 8 teams were selected to play in the inagural edition of IPL
  • Chennai Super Kings team, led by the highest paid employee "Dhoni" looked like the team to beat. But mid way through the tournament, the Australian bench strength moved back to play for their country and that made them to falter at the final hurdle
  • Rajasthan Royals were the minnows. They were led by an ageing captain "Warne" with a bunch of amateur kids. But these kids proved that they can bite any piece of cake. Yusuf Python emerged as the man to watch
  • Delhi Daredevils and Kolkatta Knight Riders had a strong line up. But they lacked the finishing touch.Mumbai Indians had the Little Master in their ranks. But he did not play a major part of the series due to Injury.Bangalore Royal challengers heavily relied on Rahul Dravid's brilliance as all the foreign imports failed to deliver.
  • Kings XI Punjab had an inspirational coach in the form of Preity Zinta. Her Hug-therapy did wonders to the team. Sangakkara and Yuvraj became regular recipients of the Hug therapy. Sreesanth never got a hug from Preity and that made him to burst out crying after a match against the Mumbai Indians (See picture below)
  • Deccan Chargers were the jokers in the pack. They resembled the real madrid team which is full of forwards. The batsmen behaved like drunken monks.
  • Politicians started debating on the issue of cheer girls. Bhangra dancers replaced the cheer girls of the Rajasthan Royals cheer squad much to the disappointment of Warne and Shilpa Shetty.The Chennai cheer girls were asked to wear pants because drummer sivamani's actions were intimidating.


IPL-2 (Shooting in Foreign Location)

When the director of IPL - Lalit Moodi decided to shift the second edition of IPL to SouthAfrica, the whole movie crew travelled to South Africa.

  • Mohammed Kaif was replaced by Katrina Kaif in the movie. Kaif was sent back home.
  • Deccan chargers, no longer wanted to don the comedian's role in the movie. They wanted to be Heroes for a change. Hence Shahrukh Khan decided to become the joker in the pack. The Gabbar Singh of Australian Cricket - John Buchanan wanted to be the co-joker. They made the viewers to ROFL.
  • Fake IPL player started his blog and became an instant success.
  • Lalit Modi became a very good ANALyser of the situation (See picture below)
  • For two years in a row, a foreign captain won the cup
  • Glen Mcgrath was insulted by the Delhi Daredevils and he was made to warm the bench.
  • Shane Warne made the find of the season by picking up Kamran Khan in his team, but soon the poor chap was sidelined for chucking
  • Shivamani started scaring the South African cheer girls too.

IPL-3 (The anti-climax)
The directors of IPL got bored with the foreign location and decided to come back to India. Shahrukh khan and Bal Thackarey indulged in a customary dog fight to kick start the proceedings.
  • Mumbai Indians added an Anaconda in their team. His name is Pollard.
  • Ajit Agarkar gained two more kilograms and became 48 kg.
  • Yuvraj singh became pregnant.
  • Hayden started using a bat called the mongoose bat and in the process was stuck in a rut between cricket and baseball.
  • Rohan Gavaskar and Jhunjhunwala got a chance to bowl, bat and field and ended up getting raped by their opposition team as well as their own team mates.
  • Catch was renamed as "Karbonn kamaal catch". Sixer was renamed as "DLF maximum" and a wicket was renamed as "City moment of success"
  • A balloon was tied on top of the stadium as a mark of respect for Ravi Shastri and it was given the name "MRF Pimp"
  • Harsha Bhogle ate a full jackfruit and his hair started growing. He is no longer a bald man. But he lost his commentary touch and started speaking like Ravi Shastri.
  • Harbhajan Singh became the winner of the Karbonn kamaal catch award for brilliantly catching the richest lady in India

IPL- 4 (What next?)
This might happen in the future
  • Bal Thackarey becomes the first Marathi commentator
  • Narendra Modi becomes the coach of Kochi IPL
  • Preity Zinta becomes the president of IPL and makes a rule that cricketers should bowl, bat and field in the ramp outside the boundary.
  • The cheergirls will dance on the cricket pitch. Shivmani will have his drums behind the stumps
  • MRF Pimp, Ravi Shastri, Danny Morrison and Sivaramakrishnan will occupy strategic positions inside the cricket ground and comment about the game.
  • Vijay Mallya, Siddharth Mallya, Deepika Padukone and Shilpa shetty will play badminton in front of the black screen.
What ever happens, WE, the citizens of India will show our loyalty to IPL and still watch it and tweet about it. Keep fooling us.We don't mind being fooled.
-Chronicwriter

Note: Happy 37th birthday to the Little Master! You have entertained us for two decades and we love you and adore you. God bless you

28 comments:

  1. :)...thnks ....i almost forgot wat happnd during last two seasons,,,,

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  2. Nice post :) refreshed me :)

    Happy b'de Lil' Master !

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  3. hahaha..as always...another funny post... I dint know about this Bhajji n Nita's stunt...

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  4. Yuvraj singh became pregnant....

    lol...
    ;P

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  5. yeah. Sivamani scared everybody around !
    :)

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  6. The IPL is a business, true, Chriz but the silver-line in the cloud have been youngsters who would otherwise never have got their names in a corner of the newspaper let alone headlines and the titanic veterans of such as Sachin, Kallis, Rahul, Warne and Kumble the likes of whom the world will miss in a few years. The formula is triumph; but genius in conception is often accompanied by an inner darkness. Caesar's was hubris. Othello's was possessiveness. Geoff Boycott's was his head-strong nature. Lalit Modi's was avarice and hell-bent money-mindedness. So even if the administration and the unwanted elements go out, the IPL must stay.

    Fine post by the way. Did not like certain references here though to be honest!

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  7. Great one.. all 3 editions of IPL summarized in amazing fashion...

    You should ask cricinfo/cricbuzz to host this article (in their 'Surfer' or 'Blogs' section).
    This is really good.

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  8. Whatever it is...IPL is entertaining us all..in whatever possible way..!!

    :)

    ;)

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  9. yuvi is pragnent...haha :-D
    hilarious !!
    Indians really dont mind being fooled!!

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  10. hahaha...

    now that's one nutty recapping.. :D


    ROFL// :)

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  11. Very much with you regarding this IPL fooling game....... I hate it so much.. Cricket has lost its charm now >.........

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  12. Now here's a guy who talks some sensible cricket! Who in their right frame of mind follows cricket man! Let alone this torture called IPL...bleedign hell, cricket (which wasnt much anyway) lost everything the moment this thing was born. And now the game is a sad joke. To add to the jazz Modi is really working pp crank up the notch.

    I am so sick of Bollywood celebrities, isnt all the camera footage they're getting enough? What the eff is the matter with them?! JObless retards prancing to any goddamn where to make a few bucks. EEKS!

    The world is boiling down to what George Orwell mentioned long long ago.

    The only thing mentionable is the numbers of young cricketers who got a chance to showcase their skills. (As if this effin game needs skills...duh!)

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  13. :D...indian political league is better one :)..

    urs..hemu..

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  14. thank god, i am not into cricket anymore, but this is so embarrassing to see corruption at this level.

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  15. the pictures added to the fun quotient...good post...

    :)

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  16. OMG! The pics were hilarious -- so was the post! Can't stop laughing :D :D The Vijay Mallya and Shilpa Shetty one takes the cake...

    And rofl @ PZ becoming IPL president... she will flash her dimples then like in her tweets *ting!* :P

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  17. naan sola vantha elathayum neengalae solitinga :)

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  18. Awesome,Awesome Awesome Sir.. :D Especially loved Sree there.. ;)

    Happy Birthday to the Master blaster.. :)

    Love,
    Nikhil
    www.madrascentral.wordpress.com

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  19. It has become a fashion to criticize IPL.Sorry to say I personally feel your are the Sivamani in the blog villa.Look at your banners!OMG

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  20. Good that you reacted and changed the photos.

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  21. wow great post so thanks for sharing the nice stuff... i love this blog..

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  22. Very little about Deccan Chargers..! :( Are you not going to write a prologue about this IPL? Please do it soon..!

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