Note: This post is not written with an intention to hurt the sentiments of any race/ creed/ religion. If you are an Indian and if it still hurts your sentiment, then the author is definitely talking about you.

Are you a wannabe?

The following are some of the characteristics of a wannabe

  • Do you talk in normal English and your accent automatically changes when a person of the opposite sex approaches you? You are a wannabe

  • Do you wear your baggie trousers so low and reveal your underwear? You are a wannabe (Either wash your underwear or buy a new one)

  • Do you often fold your fingers and show the yo/peace symbol? You are a wannabe

  • Do you often unleash your middle finger and show it to someone to vent your anger? You are a wannabe. (90% of the Indians learn this art in colleges - IBA Report -2002; How ever IBA report -2008 reveals that 90 % of Indians learn it in primary school. India shining indeed)

  • Do you wear your cap in any position other than the normal position? You are a wannabe (Where did you learn it from? You are not a Hippie)

There are various other ways of finding a wannabe. The wannabes are usually born in co-ed colleges in India (Now in schools too)

  • The Typical Muthukumar who enjoys listening to Dappankuthu songs, suddenly starts listening to Rock Music. "In the end"- by linkin park is a song that all wannabes know byheart, even though they wouldn't have a single clue about the meaning of the song. He starts talking about different genres of music too.
  • When he converses with a girl, he usually shows his musical knowledge by talking about a few genres like punk metal, death metal,Trans etc... If you ask him the operational definition of each genre, he would never have any clue about it (Unless he likes all the genres and unless he is a wannabe). There are exceptions too.

  • However a very few guys (NRIs) would be there in every college. They do not fake like the wannabes. The smooth accent in their english is a natural phenomenon that runs in their blood. When they say ,"Yo Dude" or "Ssup Bro", it would sound very natural and they wouldn't take pains to use such words. But the wannabes always try to emulate the NRI guys by depicting some hand gestures ( folding some fingers) while saying "Yo Dude". The hand gestures and the voice modulation never match and they often cut a sorry figure like our very own Appam chappathy @Gopumon[link]

  • Watch this video to have an A/V depiction of wannabes

  • I don't have a clue why the wannabes see normal (Indianised) English as a below the standard way of talking. If British English comes natural to you, I appreciate you. But if it doesn't don't try to talk like Greg Chappel. You would only sound like Latha Mangeshkar talking in a male voice.

  • The guys are not the only culprits here. There are a bunch of girls too who fall under the same category. 90% of the Indian college girls are relatives of Queen Elizabeth. British English flows out of their mouth like honey (Scientists have never discovered the secret behind their English skills). I don't have any problem with their English speaking skills. But most of them try to look cool by using profane language in their speech. If they speak 100 words, the F word would contribute at least 25 of the 100 words. A research conducted in the 90s by WHO revealed that only prostitutes use the F word in their regular conversation. The wannabe guys usually hang out with these girls. If you use the F word, who are you trying to emulate? You can speak clearly and your sentences would be beautiful even without profanity.

  • Coming to the dressing sense of the wannabe girls, I have no problem even if you do not wear anything, but if you wear short skirts, please wax your legs. If you are wearing sleeveless tops, please wax your underarms. If you wanna pierce your belly button, go ahead and do it. It is your belly button and it wont hurt me. If you wanna show your cleavage, go ahead and do it. But do not give dirty stares to guys who ogle at your Breasts. It is understandable if you wanna just stare and intimidate the guy; but if you call him a Bastard for staring at your silicon implants , you are just proving that you are a wannabe.

  • A girl showing her cleavage is her birth right. I am not gonna voice against it and incur the wrath of male readers. But I have seen guys showing their cleavages too. If you have buttons in your shirt, button it up. Unbuttoning the top 4 buttons and revealing your chest doesn't make you look cool for two reasons
  1. You are not a girl and you don't have breasts to enhance your cleavage
  2. Your chest hair is yukky and i would pluck them away.
I have also heard the wannabes using the words "You son of a bitch" to cuss others. How did they ever coin that phrase? and How on earth would that be cussing?

Son of a Bitch

  • Literally a puppy dog is a "a son of a bitch".
  • So "son of a bitch" doesn't even qualify to fall under the vulgar language.
  • So stop using the term out-of-context.
  • Talking about Dogs, they are trend setters.
  • Dog is the only animal which lifts it's leg to pee
  • Chronicwriter taught them the art of lifting their leg to pee.
  • Dogs are trend setters to the art of sex too. Doggy style is a famous sex position.(Chronicwriter did not teach them the doggy style) No one calls it a Tiger style or Lion style.
  • Hence please show your respect to dogs and stop cussing one another.
  • Be yourself. You would look good, if you wear your own mask. But If you still wanna wear somebody else's mask and remain a wannabe, you have every right to do it. I am not asking you to change. Even if you become yourself; India's population rise is not gonna stall, Bal Thakarey is not gonna shut his mouth and Chronicwriter is not gonna stop blogging.