Monday, February 22, 2010

394. Are you a wannabe?

Note: This post is not written with an intention to hurt the sentiments of any race/ creed/ religion. If you are an Indian and if it still hurts your sentiment, then the author is definitely talking about you.

Are you a wannabe?

The following are some of the characteristics of a wannabe

  • Do you talk in normal English and your accent automatically changes when a person of the opposite sex approaches you? You are a wannabe

  • Do you wear your baggie trousers so low and reveal your underwear? You are a wannabe (Either wash your underwear or buy a new one)

  • Do you often fold your fingers and show the yo/peace symbol? You are a wannabe

  • Do you often unleash your middle finger and show it to someone to vent your anger? You are a wannabe. (90% of the Indians learn this art in colleges - IBA Report -2002; How ever IBA report -2008 reveals that 90 % of Indians learn it in primary school. India shining indeed)

  • Do you wear your cap in any position other than the normal position? You are a wannabe (Where did you learn it from? You are not a Hippie)

There are various other ways of finding a wannabe. The wannabes are usually born in co-ed colleges in India (Now in schools too)

  • The Typical Muthukumar who enjoys listening to Dappankuthu songs, suddenly starts listening to Rock Music. "In the end"- by linkin park is a song that all wannabes know byheart, even though they wouldn't have a single clue about the meaning of the song. He starts talking about different genres of music too.
  • When he converses with a girl, he usually shows his musical knowledge by talking about a few genres like punk metal, death metal,Trans etc... If you ask him the operational definition of each genre, he would never have any clue about it (Unless he likes all the genres and unless he is a wannabe). There are exceptions too.

  • However a very few guys (NRIs) would be there in every college. They do not fake like the wannabes. The smooth accent in their english is a natural phenomenon that runs in their blood. When they say ,"Yo Dude" or "Ssup Bro", it would sound very natural and they wouldn't take pains to use such words. But the wannabes always try to emulate the NRI guys by depicting some hand gestures ( folding some fingers) while saying "Yo Dude". The hand gestures and the voice modulation never match and they often cut a sorry figure like our very own Appam chappathy @Gopumon[link]

  • Watch this video to have an A/V depiction of wannabes

  • I don't have a clue why the wannabes see normal (Indianised) English as a below the standard way of talking. If British English comes natural to you, I appreciate you. But if it doesn't don't try to talk like Greg Chappel. You would only sound like Latha Mangeshkar talking in a male voice.

  • The guys are not the only culprits here. There are a bunch of girls too who fall under the same category. 90% of the Indian college girls are relatives of Queen Elizabeth. British English flows out of their mouth like honey (Scientists have never discovered the secret behind their English skills). I don't have any problem with their English speaking skills. But most of them try to look cool by using profane language in their speech. If they speak 100 words, the F word would contribute at least 25 of the 100 words. A research conducted in the 90s by WHO revealed that only prostitutes use the F word in their regular conversation. The wannabe guys usually hang out with these girls. If you use the F word, who are you trying to emulate? You can speak clearly and your sentences would be beautiful even without profanity.

  • Coming to the dressing sense of the wannabe girls, I have no problem even if you do not wear anything, but if you wear short skirts, please wax your legs. If you are wearing sleeveless tops, please wax your underarms. If you wanna pierce your belly button, go ahead and do it. It is your belly button and it wont hurt me. If you wanna show your cleavage, go ahead and do it. But do not give dirty stares to guys who ogle at your Breasts. It is understandable if you wanna just stare and intimidate the guy; but if you call him a Bastard for staring at your silicon implants , you are just proving that you are a wannabe.

  • A girl showing her cleavage is her birth right. I am not gonna voice against it and incur the wrath of male readers. But I have seen guys showing their cleavages too. If you have buttons in your shirt, button it up. Unbuttoning the top 4 buttons and revealing your chest doesn't make you look cool for two reasons
  1. You are not a girl and you don't have breasts to enhance your cleavage
  2. Your chest hair is yukky and i would pluck them away.
I have also heard the wannabes using the words "You son of a bitch" to cuss others. How did they ever coin that phrase? and How on earth would that be cussing?

Son of a Bitch

  • Literally a puppy dog is a "a son of a bitch".
  • So "son of a bitch" doesn't even qualify to fall under the vulgar language.
  • So stop using the term out-of-context.
  • Talking about Dogs, they are trend setters.
  • Dog is the only animal which lifts it's leg to pee
  • Chronicwriter taught them the art of lifting their leg to pee.
  • Dogs are trend setters to the art of sex too. Doggy style is a famous sex position.(Chronicwriter did not teach them the doggy style) No one calls it a Tiger style or Lion style.
  • Hence please show your respect to dogs and stop cussing one another.
  • Be yourself. You would look good, if you wear your own mask. But If you still wanna wear somebody else's mask and remain a wannabe, you have every right to do it. I am not asking you to change. Even if you become yourself; India's population rise is not gonna stall, Bal Thakarey is not gonna shut his mouth and Chronicwriter is not gonna stop blogging.



    1. deivamaaaeeeeeee... neenga engayooo poitinga :D .... cha..! epadi!


    2. Haha. Your first line //If you are an Indian and if it still hurts your sentiment, then the author is definitely talking about you.
      // was just the soup before a heavy dinner!

      Hilarious man! Every line is soo true and funny! :)

    3. SUPERB MESSAGE bro: be yourself - no masks. The fact you carried that through interspersed with a cream of reality and humour once again proves, if proof were needed, that you are absolutely the best in your business - humour blogging. :D. Though I am panting at the frequency of your posts in the last couple of weeks, lol, boy! I am glad too. :) Inspired - and inspiring - stuff.

      I liked the line where you talk of Greg Chappell and the male version of Latha Mageshkar's voice: that's the fount of creativity in humour. :D

      I am glad you have been balanced in your approach to the English-speaking habits and mannerisms of both sexes. Thoroughly enjoyed it. :D

      PS: I suffer from the opposite syndrome - probably because I have lived by last half a decade away from home! :) And that is... I would like to talk in thamizh, especially my dialect of it, when girls are around. :D :D

    4. stella maris ponunula situ adichu adipatta mathiri therithe..yedho loyola wannabe corrict pantala un aala?

    5. i fake accents, especially mallu and bihari, i say super atleast three times i find anything nice.
      well, lining park is definitely shittiest band on earth, too religious about music, so wont write anything more than this.
      British english.... LOL, that is much more easy to fake, just have a stiff upper lip.
      h'm even arsehole is not really an abuse, comon we all have arsehole?
      cleavage display is now more of passe now, we want more!

    6. and yes, staggered thoughts. You delivered an ace in reemphasising the ugliness of swear words. I do trust people who read this will at least THINK twice before using them.

      PS: I do have some laddees and jentalmayn in mind. lol

    7. Fortunately I failed the exam to be a wanabee!

      Nice one!

    8. and regarding that 'F' word, some get a knack for saying it at a pretty young age

      you see :)

    9. hmmmmm i know few and few know me as wannabe ..any way supp bro.?? lol

    10. Very nice karuthulla post chriz... :) :) I've never used swear words till my mba 1st year... and after talking to few classmates, it comes out of my mouth so easily these days.. need ta look at it.. cuz I know its too UNSOW.. sowmiya is always gentle and sweet :P

    11. HAHAHHAHA @ the video!

      I strated using those Words.. after getting married.. Ermm.. NO NO... He is not a wannabe! He is born and brought up so! :P hehe! apdiyae enakkum ottikiduchu :D

    12. But sometimes Being a wannabe is fun, and I just realized that it wud make you a 'wannabe wannabe' :P

    13. WTF! oopss.. i disclosed my self!

    14. oh shit! thn m also a wannabe????!!!
      neways...this post was sooo true..!!

    15. seems you are on a blogging spree :D no ones complaining though :)
      loved your take... it takes a lot more to carry a style and copy it... on;y a fine line distinguish funny and fabulous :D
      hillarious post :D

    16. hahaha! this was really funny! man u rock!

      Adding your site to my favorite! :)

    17. ehehe FUN!!! I so agree on this one :)

    18. back in college, you never made the cut, eh bro!! :D

      unattainable grapes are always sour. and similarly. undesirable wannabe's are always going to be there...what to do man?

      next post: how to deal with a wannabe?

      ps: "chest hair is yukky and i would pluck them away"

      why in the world would you go anywhere near someone's yucky-sweaty chest hair??? O_o`

    19. heyy ..a true post indeed..wish ppl learn frm sumetimes we do feel fun in followin others n tryin 2 b wannabe..hehe..nice post ya..!

    20. Great post...

      Some truths are always funny!!! You proved it!!

    21. •Do you wear your cap in any position other than the normal position? You are a wannabe (Where did you learn it from? You are not a Hippie)

      hahhaah...nice post!
      I admit..i do use the "F" word... but i didn't "wannabe" like anyone here.. =|

      take care =)

    22. Yo man!!! Cool dude..

      I loved it bulls-eye post

    23. thank you for writing this ! i'm so tired of the BEEPs !
      the wannabe part is good too ... there are just too many of them .. (i'm one of them too .. i'm a wannabe geek :P so i google everything and try to show that i'm cool.)

    24. One of the best original and definitely a 'non-wannabe' post that I've encountered in recent years. You have pointed out our desi stereotypes with great elan invoking quality satire in the process. A true definition of rising India-this post is an eye opener..!!! Infact, India itself is an wannabe in most global aspects except...industry and cricket. For the it films or mass media, they are just hopelessly emulating the west...!!!!

      5/5 for this formidable blog post...!!!

      Keep it really got some fucking skills with the pen man...!!!

      Or wait...did that just make me a wannabe??? O__0

    25. ipo i understand... yu are goin rite bro.. informative humor!! :D

    26. Haha nice one.
      And there are a few songs you could add to list that contains- In the end!
      What about Gasolina? *pukes*

    27. Just too good to resist saying its too good. Awesome... Very true and hilarious... :)

    28. This is the best post in recent times .

      I want you to be a bit socially responsible like this !!


    29. LOLzzz ... one of the few posts that I can really get !! :)) Keep blogging

    30. does saying 'duh' count as wannnabe? because i feel very du-uh right now :P. Mental u. U r wannabe crazy. oh n saying wannabe is wannabe :P. hah :D i am so meannnnnnnnnnnnnn. no u can cuss me with a wannabe f

    31. kool post,,,, Last week i too had a question about sons of bithes curse, If that is a curse than daughters of bitches should also be equally popular :P

    32. I was once told that a fruitcake escaped the zoo, heard they've been searchin for him since 1982, I've been on the lookout for him too, now I've finally found u when I least expected to, and fell in love with the monkey in you.
      39 comments for post number 394 eh? nice work dude.

    33. I just fit in to your description of wannabe ...... and you might just fit in my description of a failed wannabe (tried but never got accepted) ...... sour grapes ...hehehehe

      just kidding man .......

      Njoy ... there is a thin line that separates "wannabe-e" and the actual "bee"

    34. :) video was awesome :P..


    35. I was smilin all throughout the post.. I used to get super pissed wid ppl like these in college.. I went to a college like Xavier's.. So met a lot of em ulhasnagar boys turnin into banruh (read bandra) boyz('z' for added impact) Saala Khajur log cud hardly speak in english man.. Jus coz they smoked and cud jive, they thought they had become pav walas.. LOL

    36. wah.. ungo intelligent blog post ee paathu yen kannu kooosudhu... :P

    37. SO true... some people... all of a sudden start listening to 'rock' music... and that too just the typical ones... they 'wannabe' considered as cool... FTW...XD XD XD

    38. just when i have written a post in my blog 'me thinks' on title 'constipation with concentration' u have uploaded your photos... hilarious man.. can i get one of those for my blog, so i can say, 'this is how a constipated guy shits'?

    39. I am not a wannabe.:-)

      Funny like always..!

    40. I was going to roast you upon the flames of my sarcasm for saying that wannabes like to talk about genres, but then I saw that you've added "exceptions are there" so i guess we're The thing is, I am a drummer and i do have some knowledge about the technical differences between various geners. And i like to keep that to myself. Also, the music in India is changing, with A.R. Rehman making awesome fusions and whatnot, so those 'typical' Indians listening to classical have become rare indeed inn this generation. And i see nothing wrong with changing your taste in music. As for the 'refined' accent in front of opposite sex... LMAO bro, I've seen such retards so often that it doesn't register anymore.


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