Feb 10, 2010

390. Fun with farting

Note: This blog will really stink very bad. Hold your breath till you finish reading this post.
When we were babies, we all farted to glory sans any care about the world around us. But when we grew bigger, the elders spoiled us by telling us that farting is a dirty activity. We were taught to lie. Those elders were masters in the art of silent farting then. We too gradually mastered the art of silently letting out a fart. Believe me! Silent farts have a killer effect.

Farting is not a sin. But still no one would own responsibility of a fart. Farting is just a means of communication through sound and smell. Talking is a means of communication in which only sound energy travels out of the mouth of the person who talks unless he/she has a foul mouth like Darkha Butt.
Hence Farting becomes an effective communication technique which brings out different emotions like anger, guilt, smile, laugh, denial, lying, shame and many more. No other forms of communication can invoke such diverse emotional reflexes.
But what language is farting? Does it have any scripts? Questions are many. English is spoken in 115 countries. Apparently people in all these 115 countries indulge in farting. Hence Farting can be called as a common attribute of English speaking people. However,on country-wise clustering, we find that the biggest farting population of the globe are Chinese. India comes in a close second and Facebook comes third.
Women are more efficient in the art of silent farts than men. Hence the male community are the victims of passive farting and also labelled as guilty offenders of active farting. I have given enough boring gyaan on farts. I am now gonna write some ways through which we can use our farts for entertainment purpose.

When you have no one to socialise with, When you are cut-off from Internet connectivity, When you are all alone, When you are completely bored and if your girlfriend has eloped with her boyfriend,you would feel really sad indeed.
If you are in such a situation, I would like to suggest a wonderful activity that would rejuvenate you and give you more happiness that you would have never had in your entire life (It gives more pleasure than Sex and Masturbation -Scientifically tested and proved). Yes i am gonna talk about having fun through farting. The following are few methods that you can try at home.


1) The Ussain bolt fart
If you are sitting in your bed room, all you have to do is let out a fart. It doesn't matter if that was a loud fart or a silent one. The secret behind this game is as soon as you let out a fart, you have to start running and you have to find whether you can beat your own fart till you leave your house.
You might ask,"How would i Know who won?". The answer is simple. If you can smell your own fart while running, then the fart has beaten you. But if you can still beat your fart, then you are an absolute winner. You can even time your running speed and you can aim to beat your own record. I assure you that this would be great fun indeed.
The author has never been able to beat his own fart. But if you can beat your own fart-speed, please let me know and also share the techniques you adopted, that helped you to beat your own fart.
2)Bubbles/fart
The best place to play this game is your bath-tub. If you do not have a bath tub at your home, do not fret. You can even play this game if you have a bucket and if you can squeeze yourself inside the bucket.
Pour water inside the bath-tub/bucket and sit inside the bathtub. Now let out a well controlled fart. Bubbles will form on the surface of water. Count the number of bubbles per fart. A controlled fart will yield more number of bubbles. The author has counted till 23 bubbles and he is planning to break his record soon.
How ever if you are having dysentery, please don't play this game. The results will be very bad.
3)Musician
Fart can produce music too. Practise it regularly and start singing songs with your fart accompaniment. Creating music through farts is an art by itself (The 65th art form).
Parting words: These games can be played when you are alone. How ever there are many more farting games that you can play in groups.
-Chronicwriter
--------------------------------
Related topic : Letting it go [ An inspirational research on farting by Chronicwriter]

24 comments:

  1. durrrr burrrrrrr..... dysentry time la whatever it is...disaster only :D ...personal experience nala irukungo

    ReplyDelete
  2. lol.. stinky post.. as you've mentioned in the DISCLAIMER...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hahaha - This reminds me of extremely insightful dinner-table conversations with cousins and friends :-))
    Perhaps you should also write on "group" games next :-D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Why avenging Burkha Dutt! One (not at all) paavam jarnalisht! lol.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ahahaha about Darkha butt!

    Check the link and see if you a winner
    http://www.fart.com/fartwavs.html

    ReplyDelete
  6. Farting should become the next purest language after mathematics....what are the authorities doing? Still fretting over demeanour caused by farting that happened in the LoS Kabha long ago?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Farts must be acknowledged as the simple yet profound sound known to man. A simple fart can mean a lot of things, one can do to distract the topic, indirectly saying one is not interested in a particular conversation or something. A simple sound resulting in the release of bodily gases, but so deep in meaning !

    P.S stinky smelly post chris !! but we are humans !!

    ReplyDelete
  8. damn it took me hard to hold my breath till now..:(...

    but yeah it was stinky as u mentioned and i dint know these many types till now :P...

    urs..hemu..

    ReplyDelete
  9. hahah,this post is hilarious - it's helped in getting me throguh this afternoon!!
    x

    ReplyDelete
  10. yuckkk!! eww....!! aaaaaaaaaaa!! DYSENTRY!!!! :P :D

    ReplyDelete
  11. errr thats grosss really stinky post :P

    ReplyDelete
  12. Usain bolt fart !!! ROTFLMAO !!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. i ll share this with fella mate, he is master of art of fart, even his little daughter 6 months has inherited his thunder farts, LOL.
    But you know my grandfather is the king of farting, he once farted for entire minute and in villages, farting is not really consider bad at all.

    ReplyDelete
  14. somehow I'm still listening to the "Winds of Change" as I read this :D

    ReplyDelete
  15. I just couldn't believe the disclaimer..so I took the courage to read it but I guess disclaimer was there for a perfect reason

    ReplyDelete
  16. o' my fart ...you make us smile it should be added as a indoor sport, what say ??

    ReplyDelete
  17. You are a farting king!!! Keep farting.

    Your old visitor who was lost and still lost.

    Cheers,
    Devil

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hey Chriz, long time.....looks like u've changed the layout completely.

    ReplyDelete
  19. lots of disclaimers these days.. wondering how wud ur 400th be? btw, post # 390 and followers 396...which wud reach 400 first? :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. i won't be surprised if you've tried these games out FOR REAL, buddy!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your weblog.
    There are many website who famous for funny video clips and Funny articles. Thanks for sharing such a nice post.

    ReplyDelete

Did you smile? Do let me know about your views of this post. Please read the post before commenting