Apr 30, 2009

324. How romantic are you?

Note: This is going to be a mushy post. I need all your contributions to make it more mushy.

Honey, Sweetheart, Baby are some of the terms used by lovers to address their better halves. There are many many such lovely terms used by people in love. This post is dedicated to all those who are immersed in love. This is actually a competition for the most " romantic word".

Rules

1) In the comment section, you can write the romantic word that you use to address your better half. (Even if you don't have a better half, you can still enter a word that you might use in future)

2) Restrict your entries to only one word. (Let it not be a sentence)

3) But you can give more than one entry. If the word is in any other language other than english, then please write the english meaning also

4) If your entry is already entered by another blogger, then priority would be given to the early entrant.

5) The contest is open till 1pm - May5th 2009.

6) The winning entry will be announced on May 5th 2009

Prizes

1)The winner will receive a VCD of romantic movies "Romance of their own" (Korean movie with English subtitles) or "Secret" (Chinese movie with English subtitles). After the winner's name is announced, the winner can send his / her postal address to prason@chronicwriter.com .


The author will send the prize within 7 days.
Who cannot participate?

1)Renu (Because she broke my heart)
2)Mr. X (Because he is my alter-ego)
3) Jeremy and Jolena (My nephew and niece)

Just wear your romantic hats and show your romantic mettle

-Chronicwriter

Apr 29, 2009

323. Lessons that my parents learnt

Note: Bringing up a baby is an experience in itself. Bringing up a nutty baby gives wisdom

The following points are important lessons that my parents learnt in the first five years of my life when they tried to bring me up.

1) A king size water bed holds enough water to fill a house four inches deep.
2) If you pour kerosene on the leather cushion cover and light them with match sticks, they can ignite.
3) A 3-year-old's voice is louder than the priest's voice in a church.
4) Keep paintbrushes out of reach of children, if you want your television to remain in its original color.
5) You should not throw tennis balls up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a tennis ball a long way
6) Always have wooden windows. Never ever have glass windows.
7) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "hehehe", it's already too late.
8) Never ever insert a screw driver inside the electric-power socket.
9) A magnifying glass can burn your feet even on an overcast day. So parents! stay away from your children when they have a magnifying glass in their hands
10) When your three year old is playing with a small bean and if the bean can't be seen, chances are that the bean will be inside the nose or the ears of the child.
11) Chewing gums can also be swallowed.
12) If your child is less than two years of age and if he is not wearing his nappy, do mind your steps. If you don't,you might stamp on something sticky.

The above picture was taken when Chronicwriter was ten months old (February 1983). He is not wearing an underwear in the picture. That was also the first time Chronicwriter graduated from crawling to walking.

-Chronicwriter

Apr 28, 2009

322. Ten things you realise when you have a bad tummy

Note: Wisdom comes from experience


1) Never ever indulge in self-cooking. Hotel food is the best food for bachelors who are bad in cooking

2)Never walk around the house continuously for more than 30 seconds. It is better to sit in one place. (preferably the loo) [link]

3)The loo becomes your bedroom,dining room and heaven too [link]

4)Farting is the most difficult thing to do when you have a bad tummy. You might attempt a silent fart, but what happens next is beyond your jurisdiction power.

5)For once you realise that giving birth to a baby would be a lot easier than having a bad tummy[link]

6)When a running tummy is accompanied by running-nose, please make it sure that Tissue paper and Toilet paper are with-in arm's reach [link]

7)It is irritating to receive phone calls while sitting like a kung-fu warrior

8)When some one advises you to eat bread/drink buttermilk to stop the outflow rate, never heed to such advices.The author ate a slice of bread and within 30 seconds it found its way out through the exit door

9)You feel like a rocket strapped on to a launch-pad. The propellants fail to launch you. Instead you launch the propellants [link]

10)You realise that you can even blog inside the loo (This post is the first ever post in the world that is conceived,devised,edited and implemented inside the loo)

-Chronicwriter

Apr 27, 2009

321. Naan Appadiyae Sock Aayitein

The subject line is in Tamil. It says that i am terribly shocked.

If you guys are wondering why i am shocked see the following three pictures

Malaika Arora
The MTV Love-line girl who never covers any of her skin below her thighs is seen fully covered in this photo.

Namitha

People are constructing temples for her. Namitha is known for implementing management strategies in her acting prowess's. She is the only tamil actress who follows the Pareto principle in her movies. The Pareto principle also known as the 80-20 rule,the law of the vital few and the principle of factor sparsity. In simple words,she covers only 20% of body mass and the rest 80% of her skin is for viewer-entertainment.

So when I came across this picture, I was terrible shocked.

Mallika Sherawat
Her latest milkshake story is creating raves. I don't have to say anything more about Mallika. This photo is enough to shock everyone.


Just when i was getting back to normalcy, I came across this picture[link]. I am glad that Charles Babbage is no more and he doesn't have to go through the same shock by seeing this picture
-Chronicwriter

Apr 25, 2009

320. The animal scientist

I received seven e-mail applications for the post of my female-room mate. 4 were males. So i rejected them without much ado. Out of the remaining 3 girls, two were my blog-mates and one was an anonymous mailer. The two blog-mates bashed me up with non-parliamentary words. The anonymous mailer was very mushy and her/his mail was almost like reading a M&B novel. I also received a proposal from wolf-anusha. Her mail was found in the junk list. I didn't bother to read it. That is how i throw attitude.

In early January of the year 1995,when I was in class-8, my biology teacher said that AIDS was a sexually transmitted disease. I counter attacked her with my statement saying," Ma'm; Birth of a baby is the only sexually transmitted disease". I was sent out of class. That was the exact moment i decided that i would become a scientist. I started working towards my goal. Immediately, i called up my friends Ian Wilmut, Keith Campbell and gave them a ten minute pep talk. The very next year, they came up with Dolly (The first cloned female sheep). The world never knew the actual brain behind cloning. Now for the first time ever, this secret is revealed in my blog.

If you closely follow my blog, you would be knowing that i am a world famous scientist. I have described my findings in the sidebar. If you haven't noticed it, i am posting it again in this post so that you don't have to search for the message in the sidebar
Chronicwriter used to conduct secret nuclear experiments for an undisclosed Western Antartican province and was on the verge of Vasectomizing a female python when he decided to focus on this blog instead.
I started discovering many things about animals. I would soon publish all my discoveries in book form. Please buy the book when i publish it. One such experiment made me to study about cows. I went to my Uncle McDonald's farm and asked his permission whether i could conduct some experiments on his cows. He was more than happy. My experiment was to find out, if a cow could yield more than 20 litres of milk.

So i took a bucket and went to the farm and started milking a cow. After one hour of milking, there wasn't much milk in the bucket. I was disappointed and came back home with a dejected heart. Later when i talked with Uncle McDonald, i came to know that the only animal in that farm was actually a bull and not a cow. No wonder the bull smiled at me, while i was milking it.
My discoveries in the field of animal science was soon recognised by scientists around the Globe. Animal scientists even tried mating lions and tigers and came with a new animal "Liger". I even advised them to go forth in their scientific research to produce "Girze". They have tried all possible ways but all their efforts have failed so far.They sent me a picture of their scientific efforts [link]
Will the world ever see Girze?
-Chronicwriter

Apr 24, 2009

319. Wanted - A female room mate

Disclaimer: Yes! I was drunk while typing this post

That's my room. This is where i sit and type most of my blog-posts. My under-wears are on the floor and one of my socks is on the ceiling fan (You couldn't see this in the picture). I am looking for a room mate (Preferably females). You can sleep on my bed. You can also use the computer. But please stay away from my guitars and my red underwear.

My previous room mate was a guy. His name is Andrew. He had this bad habit of cracking a silent fart inside this already messed-up room. When his intake of garlic increased everyday, i couldn't take it any longer. Now he is not my room-mate anymore. Me, being a trekking fanatic, I would go for a trek in some forest area almost every month along with my friends. Once we decided to go to a dangerous forest for our trek-adventures. We did not take Andrew along with us because of this [link]

Now coming back to the topic, I also promise to cook food for my new room-mate (females are welcome to apply for this post). The new room-mate will also be taken along with me for all my trekking adventures. I once had a female room-mate and i took her along with me for one of my trek adventures. It was a memorable day. We took lot of photos and we even pitched a tent in the forest.

She: Hey Chriz! The tent is big enough. Can I also sleep inside the tent?

Me: No!

She left my room without even telling me after we came back from our trekking adventure.This is the picture of me sleeping inside the tent[link].

Care to be my roomie?

-Chronicwriter

Apr 22, 2009

318. Poor man's world

Now i know that i have your attention. So let me get to the point. The point is that this post of mine doesn't talk about any specific point. I hope that you are still not ogling at the girl in the picture. Are you not ashamed? When i saw her picture, i cried. I felt sorry for her poor condition. I have made it a habit to empathise every day for poor girls like this.

For every page visit, UNIZEF(please don't ask me what it stands for. I really don't have any idea) has promised to donate ten cents to me. In turn i would give all the money to poor girls like the one in the above picture and also to girls like this[link]. I request my readers to send pictures of such poor girls, so that i can empathise with you.

When i was doing my engineering in Pondicherry, an ad-firm approached me and asked my advice to help them promote Indian made products. I immediately called the chief minister and asked him to stop all foreign-goods-imports. But he didn't listen to my advice. So i gave an idea to the ad firm. They executed the plan and it instantly had a great effect. The tag line i coined caught every one's attention as it was written in all buses in Pondicherry. [link]

Now you would have realised that this post is going no where. So i take this opportunity to talk about my neighbour's dog. He has named it tiger. Tiger is a very ferocious dog and everyone in our neighbourhood knows about it. He is the classic example of how a security dog should be [link]

I have heard about boys-only school, girls-only school and co-education school too. Recently students from a college in my place conducted a major strike demanding their democratic right. They conducted the strike demanding for a co-loo. Where is the world heading to? I was really surprised to hear about such a strike and that's when i came across this picture [link]

This is the type of posts that Chronicwriter comes up with, when he is drunk. The subject line has nothing to do with the post. Should he write another post in a drunken state?

-Chronicwriter

Apr 20, 2009

317. Plastic Love

When I was young, i was a major fan of Michael Jackson. I used to do the moon walk in classrooms, playground and even in the shower. One such moon walk had its toll on my leg. I lost my Achilles tendon while practising the moon walk in the loo [link]. After one year in bed, I started walking again. Mean while Michael Jackson went through 13 plastic surgeries and he just turned into a white man and became the first trans-color human being in the entire world.

Later when I started working, I realised that Michael Jackson was not the only trans-color guy in the planet. 90% of the women in my firm were trans-colored too. A thick one inch layer of white coating would cover their face. It was very tough for me to identify them without their make-up. Coming back to Michael Jackson, i still can't believe that he was involved in child molestation cases. I am hundred percent sure that he would never ever harm a child. In technical terms, I'd rather say," MJ never abused any child. He just made love to them"

MJ literally played magic with words in his songs,"Heal the world, Black or white". I still impersonate most of his dance moves and there are many dancers around the globe who try the same. But there can be only one MJ.

Can he still weave the same old magic in his forthcoming tours? I remember buying a red color shirt for a dance competition in college. MJ wore a red shirt for his song"Beat it". Talking about the colour red, how could one forget the TV series, Baywatch?[link].


Baywatch was every teen-age boy's dream series. In India, it was banned by parents in many homes. The boys would strive hard to watch the show on TV. It was indeed great to see the beach beauties in Red. I was also an eager viewer of Baywatch. The color red, sure has some pulling power indeed. Vijay Mallya might not know much about the game of Cricket. But he sure knows the power of the color Red. Please do not come to any conclusion regarding my articles on the red underwear.
I watched Baywatch because i was a great fan of Carmen electra and Pamela Anderson.

Later when Pamela enhanced her image with some silicon implants, i was disappointed. But the disappointment flew away like an eagle when i heard the news that Rakhi Sawant also followed suit and enhanced her image too.

When environmentalists are striving hard to remove plastics from the face of the earth, some human beings like Michael Jackson and Pamela take some additional steps and start implanting these plastics on their bodies rather than dumping them on earth. I salute such people who do such great deed for the world.

By the way, do you guys know that Michael Jackson is now dating Pamela Anderson? [link]. Is this what they call plastic love?


-Chronicwriter

Apr 19, 2009

316. A better future ?

News headlines of this week. These headlines are thought provoking and funny at the same time

  • Mohammed Kaif replaced by Katrina Kaif in IPL. (Where is cricket heading to?)
  • Kasab says that he is innocent. (What should we do with that kid?)
  • I have never advocated violence: Varun Gandhi. ( Yeah Right!!!)
  • Amisha Patel contests for elections ( I will vote for her)
  • Who is next in line for the shoe attack? ( Hope it is not me)
  • More than 100 electoral candidates have criminal cases against them ( And we talk of infuriators from across the border)

Its election time in our Country. I request everyone to administer their voting rights. We would have a black-mark on our index fingers when we vote. But let us not select someone who will end up giving a black mark for the nation.

Vote sensibly

I take this opportunity to talk for Mr. Sharat Babu who is contesting in Chennai Constituency. He is a BITS-Pilani, IIM alumnus. His life story is an inspiration for many souls around the Globe [link]. No wonder he is selected as MTV/Pepsi Youth Icon of India.

Let us not be political-party fanatics. The country needs individuals like him. There are similar candidates in every state. Please vote for such people. If the readers know of any such similar candidates contesting in different parts of the country, please drop a line about them in the comment box. Let us do a noble deed by spreading news about such individuals.Do it fast because we do not have much time in our hands.

Let us strive for a better future.

God bless you all

-Chronicwriter

Apr 18, 2009

315. The Great bank robbery

I still have the first mobile phone sim-card, I ever used in my life. It was a BPL card. I first bought it in the year 2003. Last night I inserted the card in my mobile phone and I was surprised to see some text-messages still stored in it.

There were 8 messages stored in the card. I read them all and I was smiling all along. One message really made me crack up big time. I can't resist but post it here.

The Great Bank Robbery

Ten robbers break open a bank locker and loot TEN JARS. When they open the jars, they discover that the jars contain yogurt.So they just drink to their hearts content and escape from the bank.

The next morning, the newspapers read " Sperm bank looted"

-Chronicwriter

Apr 16, 2009

314. Gimme RED

Last week, I was sitting on the couch in a very provoking posture. A mosquito sensing some action found its way beneath me and bit my bum. It was a very painful bite indeed. Out of rage, with one smack, I killed the mosquito

Would M.Gandhi file a case against me for brutally murdering a mosquito? Is there any lawyer out there who could bail me out if such a thing happens to me? I also found out that the mosquito was a girl. She had nice curves indeed. I told this incident to a few friends of mine.

This morning, the postman came and delivered a parcel to me. There was a small card on top of the parcel and it read " With love from Arv and Anusha". I immediately opened the parcel and when I saw the gift, I had tears in my eyes. Friends like them really make me feel so special. There was a letter attached along with the parcel. It read

Dear Chriz,

We know that you had to undergo pain and struggle after murdering that
mosquito. Hence we are sending you a protective gear that you can wear on top of
your pants. Mosquitoes can never ever bite your bum again.

It was a pack of 7 red underwears. They also had their images stamped on the underwears. Now when ever I go out, I wear the underwear over my pants. I added the pictures of the underwear in this page. But I removed the pictures when Arv and Anusha pleaded with me to remove the pictures. They couldn't handle the limelite, especially Anusha. She fell on my feet and cried). Hence I have removed the pictures from the post. But if my readers are eager to see the underwear, please drop a mail to me. I will send a high-pixel version of the picture exclusively to your email-id.

Thank you guys. Friends like you make me happy. Paris Hilton is searching for a BFF. I don't want her to notice you guys. If she notices you both, i might lose you both. This post is definitely not a repartee for this [link]

Note: More photos to strike this page

-Chronicwriter

Apr 15, 2009

313. The Brand SRK

Disclaimer: Everything that is mentioned here is true to the best of my knowledge and any sarcasm levied on any VIP is made with sound judgement by a human being with an IQ score of 142. Commenting without careful analysis and without sound judgement will be treated as a joke

Year 1990

"Mommy! I have finished studying. Can I watch TV now?" - An 8 year old Chriz pleads with his mother to allow him to watch his favorite serial on TV, Fauji. Fauji was my favorite serial during my pre-teen years. My sister (Akka) and I would sit in front of the TV and wait for Abhimanyu Rai to appear on the screen. Abhimanyu was a naughty trainee in the Indian army.[link]

Chriz: Abhimanyu acts well. Doesn't he?
Akka: Yes he does! He is smart
Chriz: He will be a star one day

Three years later when I was doing my homework on a wednesday night, my sister started shouting Abhimanyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. I rushed to the drawing room and saw my sister watching Chitrahaar ( A connoisseur of Hindi filmi songs)

Akka: Hey look! That is Abhimanyu
Chriz: Yes! That's him. Is he acting in a movie?
Akka: Yes.His original name is Shahrukh Khan.The name of the movie is Baazigar.He has already acted in some other movies too
Chriz: Is it? The song is nice. I will also wear a black dress like that and ride in a horse one day. (That dream of wearing a black dress and riding a horse came true when I went to Kodaikanal hill station in 1995)

I became the biggest fan of Shahrukh khan. I even tried acting like him in school.

Teacher: What is your name?
Chriz: Ki Ki Ki Ki Kriz!
Teacher: Are you trying to mock in my class? Go and kneel down

As a young boy, I liked watching beauty soap advertisements. The Lyril soap ad and the Lux ad were my favorites. The ad-makers of these two brands selected the right personalities and the right storyboard to create wonderful ads. Liril ads always presented the beauty taking a bath in a waterfall. Lux, on the other hand chose a different technique. They made the model to take a bath in a bath-tub. Taking a bath in a bath-tub was treated as a style statement for the elite section of the society in India in 1990s. It still is. Hence Lux soap was treated as a brand in the luxury beauty soap segment.


Madhubala, Mala Sinha, Hema Malini, Sridevi, Madhuri Dixit, Juhi Chawla, Karisma Kapoor, Rani Mukerji, Aishwarya Rai, Amisha Patel, Kareena Kapoor and Tabu were the brand ambassadors for Lux soap. Over the years it was a pleasant site to see all these beauties plunge into the water tub with soap bubble formations on their lovely smooth skin.

But Lux chose a very beautiful brand-promoter for its' 75th anniversary and when I saw the ad on TV, I expected to see another beauty inside the bath tub. But I ended up seeing this [link] and this [link]. The sale of Lux soaps declined in a bigger way in India and the Luxury-beauty soap ended up being called as a toilet-soap.

SRK has excelled in many roles as a TV presenter, stunt director, producer, singer in some movies and also as a great actor. But sometimes trying to be a jack of all trades he tries silly stunts like entering into the bath tub for a beauty soap, breaking a bottle with his head (Yes he was a stuntman in the beginning of his career) .His latest silly stunt is his role in Indian Cricket.
The author of this blog is weird and has done many silly stunts too, like trying his hand in drawing and trying to sing like Britney Spears. But we all know that the author of this page is a crazy weirdo. So stunts like this doesn't harm him in any way. But when a personality like SRK indulges in silly stunts, then it raises a few eyebrows. ( I typed this line with a raised eyebrow)

SRK is a good football player and he also plays cricket. So he has basic understanding of the game and because he is rich, he even bought a franchisee - Kolkata Knight Riders. He payed huge money and made some disastrous player selection and made the biggest mistake of making John Buchanan (An Australian) as the coach of the team which fields in at least 7 Indian players in the team in every match.

John Buchanan's 4 captain theory (Chris Gayle, Ganguly, Mccullum, Hodge) is similar to the coalition ruling game in the centre. I pity poor Ganguly who finds himself amidst problems where ever he goes. One captain per game concept is a total mockery of leadership skill management. John has totally misunderstood the concept of "The art of war by Sun Tzu".

Just Imagine this case.
Gayle is the captain in the first match and KKR ends up winning. Ganguly becomes the captain in the second match and KKR loses. The media will start blaming Ganguly for the loss and totally forget Buchanan's lousy idea.

Buchanan already had a bad time with McGrath and Warne ( The two great bowlers of our era). The funny thing on this subject is that SRK supports such an idea. Ganguly was right in telling "As a captain , I can also demand four coaches for the team". If Buchanan is right, then Ganguly is right too. I was just imagining such a scenario - Buchanan along with three other coaches. I imagined Navjot Singh Siddhu as one of the three coaches. His Siddhuisms would send Buchanan packing.

In the first edition of IPL, Shane Warne handled the role of a playing captain cum coach for the Rajasthan Royals. They were successful. Even Chennai Super kings were a great success until their coach "Kepler Wessels" poked his nose in the finals and eventually CSK lost the match. Skipper Dhoni wanted Badrinath to bat at the fall of a wicket. But Kepler Wessels took his own decision and sent Kapugadera ahead of Badrinath and that cost them the match.
Kepler Wessels is now sacked and Stephen Fleming has become the player cum coach of the team. This is the importance given to players of winning teams. A coach should be a leader and not a dictator. Hope SRK understands this and makes the right decision tomorrow.At the end of the day, I would not want anyone to come and advice me on how to wear my underwear. Similarly SRK doesn't need to be advised on making the right choice. As a number-one fan of SRK, I have every right to comment on him. (Would I make a good politician?)

-Chronicwriter

Apr 14, 2009

312. The last one year

  • "...Thank you Chriz,For all the smiles..." - A few lovely lines by Kajal that made me feel special [link]
  • "...Greater than just wit;And in itself an act of love..." - A wonderful poem by Srini that made me smile [link]
  • "...It was 8 pm and Chronicwriter got ready to execute his long awaited plan.Chronicwriter had been eyeing the girl in the opposite flat ever since he had first saw her. She arrived for dinner on time..." - A deadly attack on Chronicwriter by two of his best nutty blog-mates Arv and Anusha [link]
At times like this i feel that i should have my birthday everyday. The lovely e-mail wishes, the greeting cards flown from all loved ones,the pictures that my friends made for me, the comments for my previous post... All these lovey dovey things kept me smiling the whole day. It was one of my best birthdays so far. I learnt many things in my life in the past one year. Things that taught me more than life can offer me in a decade. All these things have strengthened me to go forth and spread more smiles on every body i come across.
Very common News headlines that I read in the last one year
  • Shoe misses the VIP again. (There have been five shoe throwing incidents so far. All missed the target)
  • Sania Knocked out in the first round. ( I came across this headline many times in the last one year. Incidentally she won the mixed doubles along with Mahesh in Australian open. When the winning pair reached India,the Indian media surrounded Sania and appreciated her for her efforts. There were only two media personnel around Mahesh)
  • Obama - The change has come (Unfortunately Obama has now realised that change is the only constant thing)
  • Terrorists kill innocent civilians ( Even in computer games, the computer characters shoot back at you. These terrorists are just chickens who shoot at un-guarded civilians.)
  • Satyam Rebooted ( I am happy that Tech Mahindra has finally won the bid for Satyam with 31 % stake in the firm)
  • Shahrukh Khan - Six packs/Buys KKR/Strips... (I once appreciated his acting prowess. But now...My next post is definitely on Shahrukh khan)
  • Rakhi strikes yet again ( I have started admiring her for her courage and her out-of-the world advertising skills.)

Two wishes

Happy Easter - The Lord is risen again. Let us open our hearts to him

Happy Tamil New Year day - (Iniya sithirai dhina nal vaalthukkal)

Chronicwriter will strive to keep the upward curve intact. God bless you all


The picture in this post was taken two months back when Chronicwriter was asked to perform stand up comedy for an event.

Apr 13, 2009

311. A big day for a small man

  • In the Bible, the New Testament has 27 books.
  • Jimmy Hendrix and Kurt Kobain died when they were 27 years of age.
  • The Indian cricket Captain, Dhoni is 27 years old.
  • On April 13th, Jallian wallah Bagh massacre took place.
  • On April 13th, Chess legend Gary Kasporav was born
  • On April 13th, Lou Bega was also born
Chronicwriter turns 27 on April 13th this year!!!

One month back


Now



Chronicwriter also received the two greatest gifts in his life on this birthday.

1. A message from Jeremy

Jeremy is 4 years old and he drew this portrait for his uncle. In the picture (L-R) Jeremy,Chronicwriter and Jolena. Chronicwriter's fingers can also be seen in the picture.

2. A message from Jolena

Jolena is just under two years of age and she is Chronicwriter's niece. A special team of 10 intelligent officials have been appointed to decode the message conveyed here. Anyone care to help?

-Chronicwriter

Apr 11, 2009

310. The date that changed the face of History

Disclaimer: This is a true incident.

Additional Disclaimer: Chronicwriter seldom speaks the truth in his blog



Year:2003
Location :Chennai, Besant Nagar beach -Planet Yum
Characters: Chronicwriter, A hot babe (Her name is Neenu Thomas), A Surprise character
Scenario: Neenu is the hottest babe in college. Every guy tries to win her heart. Chronicwriter also tries his luck. He sets up a date with her and this is how the date went.

CW: Hi Neenu. You look Hot ( THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE FIRST FLIRTY STATEMENT)
NT: Ok (SHE GIVES THE ATTITUDE LOOK)

Chronicwriter waits for sometime to get a compliment back from Neenu and when that never came from her, he again starts the conversation

CW: How do I look? ( Chroniwriter was wearing a torn jeans and a sleeveless shirt exposing his chicken-bone arms)
NT: Can I be frank?
CW: I love girls who are frank
NT: You look pathetic. You are trying to be someone that you are not
CW: Sometimes i prefer girls when they are not frank.
NT: Ok. Let us order some food first. (SHE ORDERS THE COSTLIEST BURGER AND A COUPLE OF DRINKS TO ACCOMPANY THAT. HE CHECKS HIS WALLET. HE JUST HAS 100 BUCKS WITH HIM)
CT: I am fasting today.
NT:Anyways you gotta pay the bill cos you invited me here
CT: Don't you have your purse with you? (She did not reply to this question. She knew when to speak and when not to!)

An old man came and sat next to them. He was staring at them. Neenu was the one who was doing all the talking. Her topics varied from pop music to college gossips to fashion fads. The old man felt sorry for Chronicwriter and he started giggling at some of Neenu's dialogues.Neenu was not comfortable with the old man giving those sarcastic smirks.But Chronicwriter was at least happy that he had some old man giving him strength and support during the so called romantic date.

Throughout the conversation Neenu snubbed Chronicwriter and very soon he realised that she was not the girl for him. So he just wanted this date to end soon, so that he could go his way. So he popped the hundred dollar question

CW: Neenu! What kind of guy would you like to have as your boyfriend?
NT: He should be the star among his gang
CW: wow! I know a guy like that... and?
NT: He should be musically inclined and he should play the guitar
CW: The guy i know is musically inclined too... and?
NT: He should tell me jokes all the time
CW: This guy i have in my mind has got a real funny bone
NT: He should stay home at night and adjust with me as my mood changes.

The old man stood up came to the the table and said, "My dear young girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"

Chronicwriter started laughing and the old man gave a hi5 to him. It has been six long years and the old man still keeps in touch with Chronicwriter through mails.Many posts in this blog are inspired by that old man who loves to keep a very low profile

-mr.X

Apr 10, 2009

309. The perfect Hubby

There are different types of hubbies around the Globe. The nagging types, Bossy types,Chicken types, Slave types, Chauvinistic types etc... This post is about six different types of hubbies.After reading the post the readers have three options. All you got to tell me is

  • Which type of hubby among these six guys would you want to be like? (If you are a male)
  • Which type of hubby would you like to have as your man ( If you are a woman)
  • If you are married, you can just give a detailed lecture.

1. The cry baby


He might have the best cross court winner, the best return of serves and the best volley in grass court tennis. But when it comes to relationships he is the emotional baby. He cries all the time and his girl-friend Mirka gives her shoulder all the time. BTW Federer is expecting a baby soon.


2. The two timer

He is the kind of guy who gives equal importance to work and home. Apparently Bill now does the dishes at home and washes Hillary's clothes. He is the action star of the STARR report.


3. The Little Master

He might be younger to his wife by five years. Millions of girls in the country dream about him. But this guy perfectly balances hos work life with personal life.

4. The creative type

Chronicwriter is attracted to girls. This phenomenon is called as being-straight. Chronicwriter has also proposed more than 100 girls in his life. Not even a single girl reciprocated in a positive manner. They all should either dislike Chronicwriter or they should fall under the category of the creative types. Ellen married Portia and Ellen becomes the husband for her wife Portia. There is a sect of such people who think out of the box when it comes to relationships.

5. The immature Kid

The perfect example of what fame and money can do to some people with low IQ and EQ levels. Some fall under this category too. K-Fed is a loser. I don't even feel like mentioning anything about Britney.

6. The Comforter

There is something about this photograph. It speaks volumes for itself. When the Srilankan team arrived in Colombo following terrorist attacks on their team bus in Karachi, a scared and worried wife of Sangakkara came to meet him at the airport. The way he looks at her and his Hug has the answers to all her questions

Now which among the six are you?

Note: Those who comment ,"nice post, good one, inspired"; Please read what is written here and comment accordingly. In other words please read the post before you comment.

Apr 8, 2009

308. The Father of the Son.

  • It is never easy to handle a son who tests the depth of the water with both feet.
  • It is very tough to be the father of a son who breaks all the windows in the neighbourhood
  • It is almost impossible to put up with a son who asks the weirdest questions one could ever imagine
I know a certain father who has been patient with his son over the years. I remember one incident that happened in their dining room. The father, mother and son were having dinner. Suddenly

Son: Daddy, are insects good to eat?
Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!
Mother: Why did you say that, Son? Why did you ask the question?
Son: It's because I saw one on daddy's meal, but now it's gone.

The son used to create trouble in school always. His teacher wrote a note to his father. It read "Your son has a Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met". The father got angry and told the son," Use your lies (SO CALLED CREATIVITY) in some art form and not in real life".

Once the son was 8 years old, fell ill and his father took him to a doctor. They were waiting for their turn to meet the doctor. The father decided to educate his son with some medical terms and asked him few questions

Father:Do you know what an artery is?
Son: Study of art forms
Father:No son. That is wrong. (He went on explaining it for a while and the son fixes his eyes on a certain man lying unconscious in a bed)
Son: Dad! Why is that man lying down like that?
Father: He is in a state of coma
Son: Does that mean that he can also be in semicolon, colon, full stop and other punctuation marks too?

The father just ignored his question. He does that on many occasions. Even today he ignores most of questions. He is celebrating his birthday today. For the world he might be just yet another person; but for me, he is my world. [link]

"Happy birthday Papa". Yes! I call him Papa!!!

The characters in the picture are:[L-R] The son, The mother, The father, The daughter, X-Mas tree.

-Chronicwriter

Apr 6, 2009

307. My Kindergarten love story

I first fell in love when I was just three years old. Most of my regular readers would know her. Renu. She stormed into my innocent heart with a cute smile. She was my classmate in kindergarten. I loved Renu and so did Shabir. Shabir was the class hero. Renu had a tough time to choose between Shabir and me. Shabir was brilliant in studies and he was the only guy in class who could chew a chewing gum without swallowing it. The girls were just amazed by his skills.

Renu liked my calmness too; but every time I had an opportunity to speak to her, Shabir always came in the way and took my girl away from me. As days went by i started realising that Renu was moving away from me.But one day while i was busy memorising a very tough poetry " Twinkle twinkle little star", i figured out that Renu was staring at me. I immediately turned and looked at her. She just blushed.

I was just three years old, but still I wanted to test whether Renu was possessive about me. I thought of playing emotional games with Renu and wanted to see how she reacts when I flirted with another girl. I looked around and saw my class teacher standing in front of me. I immediately flung into action and did this[link].The teacher was shocked and so was Renu. She did not talk to me for one week.

The next one week I undertook superpower training at home to win Renu's heart [link]. I even demonstrated some of the talents at school. But still Shabir defeated me round, triangle and square by demonstrating superior skills. That is when an idea struck me. I thought of studying well and in the process win her heart. I studied very well and even wrote my exams pretty well. When the results were announced, Shabir scored one mark more than me. I lost to him by just one single mark. I looked at my answer paper and saw the error that i had made [link].

All my efforts were in vain and I suffered mental agony which only a three year old guy could understand.I couldn't tolerate the pain and hence decided to end my life.I went to the kitchen; took a knife and then did this [link]. The knife broke into pieces

-Chronicwriter

Apr 3, 2009

306. Kroanik-ryTer - (The Webpage - VasNum expert)

Vastu Sastra [link] is the art of designing and re-engineering architectural constructions.
Numerology [link] is an art mainly used by astrologers to re-design a person's name.
Chronicwriter embarked on a mystic journey and mastered these two great art forms and in the process invented a new art form and he has named it VasNum. That makes the author of this page as the only human being in the world who knows the secrets behind this new art form VasNum.To start the proceedings, he changed his name to Kroanik-ryTer. If the name is closely analysed, we can see that only two alphabets are written in uppercase (K & T). This new strategic adaptation has two reasons
  1. K is in uppercase to denote that such a change would make the author a King in the future
  2. T is also in uppercase because the King is the Top-most person in a Kingdom
Kroanik-ryTer is not only the first VasNum expert in the world; he is also the first ever VasNum expert to implement his strategies in the WWW (wourld- Wyde- Webb). Yes! He has altered the spelling of WWW for the betterment of internet usage across the globe. In this post Kroanik-ryTer would give bloggers around the globe, ten valuable VasNum rules to improve their Blog performance.If all the bloggers obediently abide by the ten rules, they would reap great benefits from their blog.
Kroanik-ryTer's VasNum rules
1. The Template color and the Font color should be the same. If a blogger uses a Black background, then the font colour should also be black. 23% increase in blog viewership is guaranteed.
2. The Publish Post button should be clicked only inside the loo. So Bloggers should take their laptops/ desktops inside the toilet while clicking the Publish Post button. Bloggers who Blog while travelling are requested to go inside the train toilet/Airplane restroom/Public toilet while clicking the Publish Post button. Failing to abide by this rule would result in decrease of page viewership by 9 %
3. All the seven vowels should be used in the subject line. For those who do not know what the seven vowels are, I am adding them here. ( a,e,i,m,o,u,y). The VasNum expert has made a great discovery that the alphabets m and y are actually vowels. Usage of all the seven vowels would result in an exponential growth in the readership base, especially readers from the opposite gender.
4. Suspense story writers are requested to reveal the suspense in the first line itself. This saves time and energy for the readers and they do not have to read the whole article to comment.The author of this blog has a few readers of this category who comment without reading the content of the post. The author wrote a post about he Quitting Orkut [link] and a few readers commented "Welcome to Orkut Chriz, Have a wonderful stay and so on...". There are lot of people who come under this category of commenting without reading the post properly. So this 4th rule would help such people in a bigger way.
5. Bloggers whose birth month falls on the publishing month, should post the entire blog post in the subject line. For example if a blogger's birthday falls in April, then the entire posts published by the blogger in the month of April should be restricted inside the Subject line.
6. The year 2009 is a very bad year for bloggers with more than 100 published posts. So any blogger who has more than 100 posts in their blogs should delete as many posts as possible and should keep the number below 100. Following this rule will result in losing few regular readers. But as this is a rule, it should also be followed strictly by the bloggers because in business there will be profits and there will be loss.Bloggers should learn to tackle losses.
7. Wash the laptop with water before publishing a post. Such posts are called as Wet-posts. One wet-post per month is a mandatory requirement for all bloggers.
9. Send an e-mail to the author of this page thanking him for the VasNum expert advice he is showering here for all the bloggers. For every mail received by the author, the WLO (Women Liberation Organisation) would pay him 10 cents. Using this money, he would be able to buy a shirt for this poor girl [link].
10. If you are a male blogger, your blog name should end with the alphabet R. If you are a female blogger your blog name should end with the alphabet X. Failing to comply by this rule will result in you having confusions regarding your orientation.
The above ten rules would enable a blogger to improve their blog performance by multiple-folds. Don't try to find fault in this post by pointing out that there are only 9 rules stated here. The number 8 is removed from the number system by our VasNum expert.Following a great success and universal acceptance of this new art form VasNum , the founders of Google "Sergey Brin and Larry Page" approached our VasNum expert to give them some tips of bolstering the performance of Google's search engine project. Our author carefully analysed the search engine page of Google and he made some prominent changes to the site. The founders of Google are very happy with the changes made by our expert to Google. We can find these changes incorporated in Google search engine site, very soon. Click the picture below to see the wonderful changes made by our VasNum expert to Google.

Please Note: The author will invent a new art form "VasNumBody" in the month of may this year.This new art form is the art of redesigning and restructuring the human body parts. Eyes of a person can be placed on his back. The readers are requested not to allow their minds to travel wildly.

-Mr.X

Apr 1, 2009

305. I got a mail from Jenny

First part of your post goes here!
Rest of Entry goes here!

Pre-note : Be very careful when you have any 7 year old kid around you.
His name is Ryan. He is my friend's son. Ryan is just 7 years old and he likes spending time with me on weekends. Ryan would tell me all stories about his heroics in school. I would cook up some stories and fool him too. He never buys my stories but he just acts as if he believes them. He calls me "Chriz Uncle". It is fun to have a 7 year old kid around you. He makes me feel young. But sometimes his questions can actually be gun shots aimed at my head.
"Chriz Uncle! Have you kissed a girl?"
"Err.. Nooo Ryan.. I haven't.."
"Shame on you.. I have kissed Dona.."
"Dona! That 5 year old girl who lives next door"
"Yes! She is my girlfriend.."

At times like this, i would walk to the mirror, look at myself and I would see myself controlling my tears. Sometimes I fail to have a grip over my emotional-let-downs.

I sometimes tell Ryan, stories from the Bible. It is sometimes easier to tackle questions from an atheist. But Ryan's questions always end up leaving me running for shelter.On one such occasion, he was patiently listening to my story-telling skills.I was really happy that the kid was under my spell for more than 30 minutes.Suddenly he started speaking

"Chriz Uncle. Does Adam look like Hrithik Roshan?"
"May be. He should have been good looking"
"So he is a good dancer?"
" He might have been a good dancer"

He nodded his head and was silent. I was glad that Ryan was happy with my answers. Suddenly he started speaking again
"Uncle I have found something"
"What is it?"
"Adam and Eve were created from the Apple Tree"
"No Ryan! You haven't paid attention to my story"
" I was. But I lost my concentration when I started imagining you clothed in leaves"

Sometimes it is better not to carry on such conversations. I have paid heavily by replying to such comments. So this time I just ignored his statement. I went into my room to type a post for my Blog.I Logged into my mail account and started checking my mails. Ryan was busy playing in the drawing room. While i was checking my mails, one mail caught my attention. The subject line of the mail was " Never disappoint her again". The mail was sent to me by some girl by the name,"Jenny". Out of curiosity I opened the mail. It read...

Just one small strip 10 minutes before the fun starts,and the magic begins!

There was a small hyper-link next to it. I thought it must be some great illusion-magic-trick site. My love and interest for magic made me to click the link.A pop-up screen opened up and I was shocked to see the pictures of people in that screen. Suddenly I heard a voice behind me,"Shame Shame Puppy Shame". It was Ryan. He had seen the pictures too. I immediately switched off the computer. He gave me a sheepish smile and left the room.

The next day, I got ready to catch up with some tennis. I changed to my track-wear and came out of my house. I met Ryan and his Mom on the corridor. On seeing me Ryan said ," Mommy! Do you know what Chriz uncle does with his lap top?". The next second, I was inside my house. It has been two days and i have not gone out.

-Chronicwriter