Sep 7, 2009

358. My kind of girl

I never felt that I was missing something in life until I realised that i am still single. So if you would ask me whether i would be ready to mingle; the answer would be a loud NO. I find it really hard to handle myself (No pun intended in this line)and i do not want to think about settling down now . There should be only one chatterbox in the family and i strongly believe that it should be me. So should i find a dumb girl? I guess this has nothing to do with my latest attracton towards blondes.Sharapova, Kournikova,Ivanovic; Are you girls listening?

I wanted to marry Sania Mirza, because if she had become my wife, i could accompany her to the grandslams and sit in the crowd and start a conversation with a pretty girl in the crowd. But things did not go as planned and Sania got engaged. I was still ready to accept her. But when she was blanked in the US open second round 6-0,6-0 by Flavia Pennetta, i changed my mind. I dont wanna marry Sania anymore.

It is really hard to find a silent, calm girl. So the probability of me finding a calm girl is nearly nil. Hence I am finding alternate methods to adjust my life, if I end up with a chatter box as my wife. This is the kind of car I would buy. I would make it sure that my wife never gets to drive the car.

Do I have any other options? Should I marry a call girl? err... I meant a call centre girl/ telemarketing girl. I have got a very poor rapport with telemarketing girls. When I was working in the IT Industry, i used to receive regular phone calls from telemarketing girls. I didn't have a clue how they used to get my phone number. I would at least get two calls every week. I soon found a way to deal with them. I am gonna write about three conversation-incidents I had with telemarketing girls (TMG).
1) The caring girl

Chriz: Hello! Who is this? ( I did not know that it was a call from a telemarketer)
TMG: Hello Sir! How are you today? (I hear a girl's voice. My eyes go big)
Chriz: I am fine. Can I know who this is? ( In my best tone)
TMG: Sir I am calling from ABC company. Is it a right time to speak to you? (My eyes go small now and I have had more than enough from telemarketers. So I think of playing along)
Chriz: Yes! This is the perfect timing to talk with someone. I wanted to talk with someone. You know onething; No one cares for me these days. I am glad that you called.
TMG: But sir! I called to inform you that...
Chriz: What is your name?
TMG: Oh sorry sir. My name is Suneeta
Chriz: Wow. that is a lovely name. I had a classmate. Her name was Suneeta too. She is dumb. Hope you are not like her.
TMG: Sir I called to inform you that we have an offer
Chriz: An offer? Wow! You are so sweet. How thoughtful of you. Is it a free flight ticket to Australia?
TMG: Excuse me sir. But i called to inform you
Chriz: Hey Suneeta. I need to go and pee now. Why don't you give me your mobile number? I would give you a missed call tonight. We can talk freely. I would pour my heart out to my new friend
Bang...

That was last time I ever received a call from Suneeta.

2) Hutch Customer Care girl

Back then,I had a hutch phone connection. So i used to get calls from Hutch customer care girls on a regular basis. At first, it was fun to receive calls from them. But when it became an habit, the calls became an headache. One day a girl named Binita called me and tried to get me to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan.When I replied in a husky voice, "I don't have any friends. would you be my friend?" she hung up.

3) Renu?

Once I got a call from a telemarketer and she sounded like my Renu. I kept on insisting her that she was indeed Renu. I asked to stop playing a joke too. "Come on Renu, cut it out! I found you, How is your hubby? Why didn't you name your son, Chriz?". The caller hung up. Now i think it was really Renu at the other end.

My tryst with call centre girls has yielded negative results so far and hence I decided to call my friend Stephen to give me gyaan about girls. Stephen was my college mate and he is like the Will Smith of Hitch. He recently got married. I rang him up.

"Hey Chriz buddy. How with you? Long time bro".

" Yes Stephen! How is married life?"

" It was good in the beginning. Now its boring?"

" Why? You were very good with girls and you ditched every girl in college. Now your folks found a cute girl for you. Why is it boring?"

"Marriage is like a bodyspray bro. It is fresh and nice in the beginning. But very soon the scent mixes with your sweat and combined effect is bad."

" So should i go for an arranged marriage or should i go for love marriage?"

" Well! Let me tell you something. Marriage is like a river. The bridegroom is a creature who doesnt know swimming. Arranged marriage is an art in which the bridegroom is pushed into the river by his folks. Love marriage is the art of committing suicide in which the groom takes the plunge all by himself"

"That is sad. I am scared of getting married now"

" Well. Let me tell you some thing more about life. Life has only two paths.1) Career and 2) Love. Career is nothing but building your career. Love is nothing but building your love"

"Err. How many pegs down?"

" Now pouring my 7th peg bro. Lemme tell you about two more things about life"

" I'll call you laterz bro"

Moral: Never ask advice from a drunk friefnd.

-Chronicwriter

64 comments:

  1. Haha :) Missed reading you! I agree, never ask for advice from a friend who is drunk. And the TMG... Poor things.. But deep down inside I feel they deserve this for troubling a thousand other customers in the circle :P

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  2. ahan... give me ur number.. i ll give u a missed call :P


    u ll remain single for all this fun u poke at these "poor" girls, chriz :-)

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  3. Lol, and I'm thinking the angry customers at my company are sad. =))
    That was a good read.

    You don't have to sound all serious about the marriage thingie. And you're not the only one who is actually practical about being single. :| I've other reasons to add in too and they are from the ''guy'' crowd. =)

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  4. nice one, may be i'll try some of your lines to keep them at bay. cheers.

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  5. heyy!

    loved reading the post :D
    as usual amazing !!

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  6. It reminded me of our school days when we never had any cell phone & we used to use public phone for prank calls on every Wednesdays later we used to discuss throughout the week for next weeks plan!

    Thank you! Chriz

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  7. "Career is nothing but building your career. Love is nothing but building your love"
    hehe......
    an enlightenment indeed...
    and yes I read and I smiled!!

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  8. Poor call centre girls..:D
    Amd your drunk friend.After reading this, I have decided to not to talk with frnds when they are drunk :D

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  9. lmao @ marriage is a river! =)) =))

    nice post!

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  10. well i muss say u've got good tactics to handle these TMGs hahah
    n am sure if some gal stalks u u'll handle tat too in a very cool way ..

    cool for u n trouble for the person on the other side..hahah

    U reminded me of one incident wen i handled a stalker like tat :P:P

    abt luv or arrange marriage...i'd bettr advise to u go for love + arranged...cos if it's successful take credit for falling in lluv wth her...n if it's a failure ...u always have a scapegoat :P:P

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  11. Well i guess i can only say that i tried feeling indignant and hurt on behalf of the girls and failed :)

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  12. as always amazing post....i hope u find ur girl.

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  13. tringggg tringgggggggg...
    hello...is that chronicwriter???
    i wanted to ask you if u have any rich hot frnd around..plz..pass my blog link to him ...
    i m ready to mingle..loud YES :P

    hehheh..
    ll try this method...thxs..chrony you saved our poor soul..from these telemarketing ppl...lol

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  14. "Well. Let me tell you some thing more about life. Life has only two paths.1) Career and 2) Love. Career is nothing but building your career. Love is nothing but building your love" - WHAAAtAY statement from your "freund" Chriz bro! :) This will last me for twenty-two (just a random number, you see) lifetimes.

    I am not saying anything else! :)

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  15. :P...thats nice way to handle the calls :P...well i should be taking these ideas from u :)....and rong time to call ur frnd should have called me abt marriage :)..

    urs..hemu..

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  16. Hey Chriz..
    The TMG part was sooo sad,i hve a soft corner as ive seen them struggle to meet targets,but such statements should make their life brighter na ! :)
    About being single ya double,its all about love and to love & be in love & that too forever is an art,and i believe u have art with u na,ur posts show that,the art of humuor(its said humuor is the most difficult emotion to create),so u should be succesfull yaar,try it :)

    I can atleast be happy to have shown someone the wrong way :)

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  17. moral of the story: never let a friend get married. :D

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  18. oh, and awesome conversations !! HAHAHAH !!

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  19. those telemarketing gals r my favorite victims too...
    I just love making a fool of those idiots who call at the most inappropriate time..
    loved ur friend's advises:D

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  20. Lol..damn funny!
    Enjoyed reading all the conv :P

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  21. I loved the closing lines by your drunk phrand... career is nothing but building career and love is nothing but building your love :) Hilarious post.. :) :) suneeta binita renu.. how are they ;)

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  22. super post bro! Sania vidunga y don't you to get married to Flavia? adhae grandslam adhae girls...

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  23. This was so funny. I was talking with another friend while reading this post, and i burst out laughing so much.. esply abt the marriage is like a river part.. and then I read and explained the story to my friend too...haha..:)

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  24. hehehe... poor you... poor frnd :P poor gals :D

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  25. hii...this time i have gone thru same kind of sitautions..very familiar with the calls ...so nowadays i just tell i m nt interested if u r callin me for a creditcard/homeloan/insurance... atleast i save their energy :D...
    n abt marriage, who knows whether u end up marrying a bigger chatter box :P

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  26. Poor call girls :( I mean.. Call center gals :P

    "Will u be my friend" it seems. Hahahaha :D

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  27. Bechari TMGs!!! :P :D

    And yeah calm and girl are like oxymorons. :D :D

    Cute post. :)

    Cheers

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  28. Everyone here is talking about your quest after telemarketers and your free shrink practise...
    But I see this post for what it really is...
    You trying to get some sympathy votes from the ladies?
    lol! Gotcha! :P

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  29. leave ur number !! i ll give u a missed call and we can talk...

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  30. :))
    nice ways to deal with TM guys:))

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  31. hahaha

    LOL@ your frenz advice...

    The TM people are really irritating at times... but then its their job... I knw sometimes my frenz play similar pranks on them...

    Funny post :D

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  32. humor level coming down? watch out.

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  33. Hahaha..the first tmg exp was really rofl..
    ""Marriage is like a bodyspray bro. It is fresh and nice in the beginning. But very soon the scent mixes with your sweat and combined effect is bad."" LOOOL!

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  34. go for love marraige. Wait till u find "yeha she ithe gal type" or love some one who is crazy abt u :P

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  35. Chriz,

    I guess all those TMG girls curse only made you to call Stephen and end up the way you were.

    All the best. Stay Single

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  36. hayo sami :) , y dont yu join the telemarketing company for part time..yu get to call and find out silent gals :)! he he ungaluke ithu over ah theriyula? yu need to pee :D lol!!!

    HaRy

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  37. Hey I will try like what you tried with TM guys..will share the results with u too...

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  38. As usual a fantastic read. As usual, you got your Renu into it. :-)

    Btw, Thats a nice way to handle telemarketing callers.

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  39. really fun post!!! too bad abt ur frnd stephen, though!!!!
    keep looking for ur girl dude. from looks of it, its going to be a long one!!!!! :P









































    btw,

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  40. jus ponderin..."What a marvellous turn your blog 'd take if u get married"
    get married soon chrisji! :P

    as always "hahaa" for the post!!

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  41. Haha Poor Sania..whatta life-turning match for her! She's saved by the God's Grace :P

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  42. well i have such a bad experience with call center chics, they dont really try to get close to me, just selling their stuff.

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  43. yeah...I did smile!:) Came blog-hopping 'n had a hearty laugh reading this piece...will cm back for more!cheerzz!

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  44. Sema kalai:)

    Being single is a gift:) Savor it:) :)

    Hilarious, cliche:)

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  45. Lol!! But ya i agree witt Arc...njoi ur singledom while it lasts!

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  46. Funny stuff. Brings back memories. I showed my wife the cartoon. Asked her if she thought it was funny. Now, I have to cook my own dinner...

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  47. Mwahahahah....you so second my ideas on marriage.

    Sometimes I think is it normal to be a girl and still be shit scared of marriage, especially when you have been in a relationship with a very nice guy for over 10 years !

    This post tells I am kinda normal perhaps. LOL !

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  48. awesome as ever yaar really, and guess what you have a surprise on my blog, go grab it hope you like it


    take care and keep writing...........

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  49. hee heee... nice stuff!! pretty interesting...u sure seem to b a chatter box. am ur first time visitor n hope to come along ur page often :)

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  50. Gosh...this was so funny!!!
    loved how u tackled suneeta...:)poor girl must have not called any customer for the next few days..:)

    didnt know my absence from the blog world was making me miss out on so much...i'd rather not take such long breaks now:)

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  51. "Well! Let me tell you something. Marriage is like a river. The bridegroom is a creature who doesnt know swimming. Arranged marriage is an art in which the bridegroom is pushed into the river by his folks. Love marriage is the art of committing suicide in which the groom takes the plunge all by himself"

    hahaha I loved the quote and gosh u r funny with girls..last time I got a call from a girl and i convinced her that the product she is selling is actually a bakwaas :D ... :P

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  52. so the overall gist is

    - never speak with a telecaller if she is a girl

    - no advice about gals from your stephan anymore

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  53. Ha Ha.. Hilarious. Now I knw why all companies black listed you :)

    God saved all Suneeta's / Renu's

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  54. give me ur number...i will call u

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  55. Marriage is like a bodyspray bro. It is fresh and nice in the beginning. But very soon the scent mixes with your sweat and combined effect is bad.
    Marriage is like a river. The bridegroom is a creature who doesnt know swimming. Arranged marriage is an art in which the bridegroom is pushed into the river by his folks. Love marriage is the art of committing suicide in which the groom takes the plunge all by himself.


    classic!!! :D
    where do u come up with these stuff???

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  56. LOLOL. Loved the picture with those seatbelt.

    :D :D

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  57. Marriage is like a body spray..tht was a good one!

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