Apr 3, 2009

306. Kroanik-ryTer - (The Webpage - VasNum expert)

Vastu Sastra [link] is the art of designing and re-engineering architectural constructions.
Numerology [link] is an art mainly used by astrologers to re-design a person's name.
Chronicwriter embarked on a mystic journey and mastered these two great art forms and in the process invented a new art form and he has named it VasNum. That makes the author of this page as the only human being in the world who knows the secrets behind this new art form VasNum.To start the proceedings, he changed his name to Kroanik-ryTer. If the name is closely analysed, we can see that only two alphabets are written in uppercase (K & T). This new strategic adaptation has two reasons
  1. K is in uppercase to denote that such a change would make the author a King in the future
  2. T is also in uppercase because the King is the Top-most person in a Kingdom
Kroanik-ryTer is not only the first VasNum expert in the world; he is also the first ever VasNum expert to implement his strategies in the WWW (wourld- Wyde- Webb). Yes! He has altered the spelling of WWW for the betterment of internet usage across the globe. In this post Kroanik-ryTer would give bloggers around the globe, ten valuable VasNum rules to improve their Blog performance.If all the bloggers obediently abide by the ten rules, they would reap great benefits from their blog.
Kroanik-ryTer's VasNum rules
1. The Template color and the Font color should be the same. If a blogger uses a Black background, then the font colour should also be black. 23% increase in blog viewership is guaranteed.
2. The Publish Post button should be clicked only inside the loo. So Bloggers should take their laptops/ desktops inside the toilet while clicking the Publish Post button. Bloggers who Blog while travelling are requested to go inside the train toilet/Airplane restroom/Public toilet while clicking the Publish Post button. Failing to abide by this rule would result in decrease of page viewership by 9 %
3. All the seven vowels should be used in the subject line. For those who do not know what the seven vowels are, I am adding them here. ( a,e,i,m,o,u,y). The VasNum expert has made a great discovery that the alphabets m and y are actually vowels. Usage of all the seven vowels would result in an exponential growth in the readership base, especially readers from the opposite gender.
4. Suspense story writers are requested to reveal the suspense in the first line itself. This saves time and energy for the readers and they do not have to read the whole article to comment.The author of this blog has a few readers of this category who comment without reading the content of the post. The author wrote a post about he Quitting Orkut [link] and a few readers commented "Welcome to Orkut Chriz, Have a wonderful stay and so on...". There are lot of people who come under this category of commenting without reading the post properly. So this 4th rule would help such people in a bigger way.
5. Bloggers whose birth month falls on the publishing month, should post the entire blog post in the subject line. For example if a blogger's birthday falls in April, then the entire posts published by the blogger in the month of April should be restricted inside the Subject line.
6. The year 2009 is a very bad year for bloggers with more than 100 published posts. So any blogger who has more than 100 posts in their blogs should delete as many posts as possible and should keep the number below 100. Following this rule will result in losing few regular readers. But as this is a rule, it should also be followed strictly by the bloggers because in business there will be profits and there will be loss.Bloggers should learn to tackle losses.
7. Wash the laptop with water before publishing a post. Such posts are called as Wet-posts. One wet-post per month is a mandatory requirement for all bloggers.
9. Send an e-mail to the author of this page thanking him for the VasNum expert advice he is showering here for all the bloggers. For every mail received by the author, the WLO (Women Liberation Organisation) would pay him 10 cents. Using this money, he would be able to buy a shirt for this poor girl [link].
10. If you are a male blogger, your blog name should end with the alphabet R. If you are a female blogger your blog name should end with the alphabet X. Failing to comply by this rule will result in you having confusions regarding your orientation.
The above ten rules would enable a blogger to improve their blog performance by multiple-folds. Don't try to find fault in this post by pointing out that there are only 9 rules stated here. The number 8 is removed from the number system by our VasNum expert.Following a great success and universal acceptance of this new art form VasNum , the founders of Google "Sergey Brin and Larry Page" approached our VasNum expert to give them some tips of bolstering the performance of Google's search engine project. Our author carefully analysed the search engine page of Google and he made some prominent changes to the site. The founders of Google are very happy with the changes made by our expert to Google. We can find these changes incorporated in Google search engine site, very soon. Click the picture below to see the wonderful changes made by our VasNum expert to Google.

Please Note: The author will invent a new art form "VasNumBody" in the month of may this year.This new art form is the art of redesigning and restructuring the human body parts. Eyes of a person can be placed on his back. The readers are requested not to allow their minds to travel wildly.

-Mr.X

57 comments:

  1. dai.. you sat and wrote this for a full day???

    some people are going to kill you man.. dont ever get caught in that mob...

    LMAO... I loved this post dude...

    should try out that name change though... LOL...

    have a nice evening da... cheers...

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  2. bdw the above comment was me. find out :D

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  3. Yen ipdi imas panreenga Chriz!

    Ppl whose birthday falls on the same month as the post should include the post in the subject line! lol. Room pottu yosipeengala? rotfl.

    The blog template and font should have the same colour: yen blogs-ku yerkaname traffic kammi, idhavera pannenaa avlo dhaan!

    VasNum? Chriz unga humour book-nodaya written hardcopy yenakku dhaan. lol. Don't worry, I will preserve the copy-right and left protection.

    Great, great post.

    Had fun. Merci monsieur!

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  4. * imsa panreenga - that was supposed to be!

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  5. ammaaa... aiyooo mudilaaa!!! epdi unnala mattum ipdi laan eludha mudidhu...

    and putting laptops in water gives WET POSTS? ashooooo

    Kroanik-ryTer >> i like this name tho... :)

    Hillarious post chriz.. now head is aching.. what expert advise will VasNum give on how to not get headache after reading Kroanik-ryTer s blog?

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  6. funny funny all the way

    hahahaha

    lol

    hey wht wud be my name acc to vasnum ;)

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  7. This was a rockstar post...!! Seriously hillarious..WET POST rocked and the thing about taking the lappy to the loo was fantastic.. :p

    oh..my god..am dying here.. :) I wud ask ur help fr a dear frnd of mine.He's trying to floor this bloody nerdy gal who doesn fall to his bag of tricks..what does VasNum say??check out my blog for details.. :)

    Take care bro.. :)

    Nikhil

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  8. ROFL... that was absolutely hilarious...

    but "wet post" takes the cake... thanks for all the tips to fellow bloggers... the only problem is that our blog readership will decrease by 100% if ur tips are followed...

    if Vasnum is like this, I cant even begin to imagine how Vasnumbody will be! :|

    Thanks.. I had a great laugh! :)

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  9. You can fund a programme at the local university and be the full-time Chair and Professor of the department of HS!

    The abbreviation should not be too difficult to guess. lol.

    Goodnight and godspeed!

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  10. Nice vastusastra guruji...
    As per ur advice,i will do a wet post soon.
    Revealing suspense in the first line is a fantastic idea
    Even I thought that the poor big gal is worth a shirt.
    iam a female blogger but Arunax sounds weird, dont u think so!!!

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  11. I cant believe the fact that your blog is the second most read funny blogs in the world. The post was long and wasnt funny.

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  12. hey!..
    u not there on orkut?
    i was trying to look for u..and that is why could not find u!!!

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  13. Rofl! :D And oooh, pity that poor lady without a shirt! :P :P

    Know what? I think I shd start following ur rules - my Feedburner readers list has plummeted from 80 to 12! :( :( Do something! x(

    Take care, bro'...

    Peace. Have an uber weekend.

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  14. ROTFL!!!!!
    Vasnum? Man, you ve some pretty pretty extra fitting jobs up ur sleeves. pple ve to ve their antennae up and watch out to escape forgeries.

    Btw, after a gloomy day, your blog is sure sure sure a solution to get back to element ji!:-)

    You ROCK:-)

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  15. hello...Kiriz..En indha kola veri???
    But it was fun to read....as usual :)
    btw i have a doubt which i've been thinking for long tym, are u jobless?? how could u get tym to think abt all these mokkais and kadis?? hats off 2 yo :)

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  16. Member of Boost kudichittu room potu yosikkum sangam

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  17. female bloggers' blog name should end with an 'x'? :O

    lol

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  18. walah!...My name is already in vasnum......Or am i wrong there?.. :P..

    lol!

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  19. hehehehe... whr do u get these topics frm mate!!!!! simply amazing!

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  20. humorous... YES. Hilarious... YES :D thought provoking... YES YES

    nethiyadi..liked it

    "Kroanik-ryTer" "VasNum" who can even think of such a thing. looking forward to VasNumBody...

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  21. I hope you liked by above comment.. It's font color is same as ur template's... :)

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  22. Nice Blog... Lots to read ... will spend some time later in the week... Keep writing!!!

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  23. hahahah I can't stop laughing :)

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  24. I read this post for the third time!!! Super, super:-)You r the best!

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  25. You name should have a capital M too for mad. Oh i returnd to life btw

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  26. :O:O...
    only word is coming all the way for you "NAUTANKI" :P :P \m/

    hilarious post..heheh..

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  27. :O :O :O :O :O :O :O
    lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    :O :O :O :O :O :O :O
    lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

    am unable to control my laughs!!
    u r truly the King and Top person for sure!!
    wonderful Kroanik-ryTer.

    three cheers to VasNum

    and thnx for 9 rules errr... 10 rules.. it myt help new comers! they wil find it beneficial..

    lolzzz
    swetha

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  28. @everyone

    thanks for the mails and thanks for the sarcasm too.. loved reading each and every single mail..

    srini! thanks for that lovely mail.. appreciate your patience.. honoured..

    and the comments here also will keep me going :)

    vasnumbody will soon hit the page cos of special requests from folks..

    Arv! happy birthday bro! God bless

    Tan! guess you are a first timer here.. glad to see your comment.. keep coming

    Farah! welkum back girl.. get back to full time blogging..

    Prachi! haha.. am not in any social networking forums.. been there and done enough damages to the networking sites.. now my blog is my networking platform..

    God Bless you guys

    :)

    chriz

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  29. P ! Ho long did ou take to concieve n then actually type out the whole post ?!!!

    LOL !

    For the record I absolutely hate the Vaastu guys, the bunch who are sabotaging the freedom of free-spirited architecture....lets hope we never meet, I'm gonna incarcerate you for sure !!!

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  30. Dai Aduthvanga blog ku nee appu vaika try panra .... Arun Simond Mathiri appavinga unmainu nambi duvanga ... Funny one !!! Loosa pa nee

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  31. Dai Aduthvanga blog ku nee appu vaika try panra .... Arun Simond Mathiri appavinga unmainu nambi duvanga ... Funny one !!! Loosa pa nee

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  32. VasNum kinda reminds me of Kama Sutra...oh wait that is VasNa...but then even u were talkin abt wet-posts...hmmmm!!!

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  33. hahahaha...funny post..!!

    the bgcolor and the font color must be the same....first u follow it yaar..they we will try it..!!
    but how do u manage to make such funny posts all the time yaar??

    nicely write up..smiles all the while..!!

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  34. "Failing to comply by this rule will result in you having confusions regarding your orientation." - hahahahahaha !!

    did you consider naming the art "NumVas" ?? ... like vanvas?? it certainly sounds more interesting - please look into the VasNum aspects of the word.

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  35. you use Internet Explorer?? tsk tsk.

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  36. you really are very vetti !! Very vetti !!!

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  37. Kronic ryTer,
    pleese do the spellings off my name too according to VasNum :P

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  38. @cinderellex - will meet you soon
    @sivar - :) ellam sagajam
    @ mayer - what is Kamasutra?
    @ yamini medimix - you should never advice the vasnum expert.. thats the 11th rule
    @ HPIX- great vasnum experts use IE
    @THOORikax- yaaru solradhu?
    @rickshawx - done.. now you gotta pay me 20 dollars as consultation fee

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  39. ROFL

    LMAO

    LOL

    i cant still get over it!!hehehhehe :P

    u r too good man!! :)

    really tickled my funny bone..one that i thought was defective... :P

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  40. LOL!
    I read in one comment, the same word came in my head too..."NAUTANKI"!
    So, VasNum Expert Ji...can u tell me how to make a better future for my blogs, other than this 9..err..10 ways?

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  41. hahah...:P..man u make me smile the first thing in the morning :)...

    urs..hemu..

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  42. @rax
    welkum after some gap..glad that u smiled
    @ramyax
    thanks for coming.. follow the ten rules .. you will succeed.. You should never think out of the box in vasnum
    @hemz
    hope you read it
    @srini
    vaalga valamudan

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  43. hmmmm...so thats why i dont have much of a readership !!!
    thanks for this free VasNum advice, Chriz..

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  44. oh..i needed it badly!!
    wow..new service in the market..!

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  45. omg....just too good!lol.....rofl....he he how do write such stuff buddy.

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  46. I come back to your blog to laugh my butt off! Chriz I want to know like Cindi does.. How long does it take you to put your posts together?? hahaha

    You are a great Writer...
    G-d Bless you.

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  47. LOL Chriz hahaha u r too funny!

    btw eversince I got back, my attention span per post has become very limited...so all ur color coding instructions made me wanna scream!


    AND Chriz, my first ever flatmate, ur new profile pic is HOT!

    Keshi.

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  48. Chriz,

    I am sure you did not mention [m] and [y] just for fun; or perhaps you did. [y] - the sound - is actually called a semi-vowel (guess you are aware of that); technically called a glide.

    [m] - as a nasal sound - is closer to vowels than consonants. That's for that.

    Aayushmaan bhava!;)

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  49. Eppadi... Room pottu yosippingala?

    Hilarious, man! :-D

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  50. Guys thanks for the patience..

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  51. lets hope that there aint any real vastu and numer readers, they'll start a new business and some day when yu are walking by Mylapore yu'll find boards hanging by ...lol...

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  52. Hey VASNUM expert... I'm a loser in blogging...hope I apply ur rules for sucess

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