Mar 18, 2009

299. Men Don't Cry

Note: This is not a humor post. Some would read it as a story. Some would just ignore this. But for me,this is very special post.



I quit consuming alcohol two years back. I started it back in college and then it continued in parties at work place. But when I decided to call it quits, my decision was strong and I took it boldly. In the last two years peer pressure had tried to pull me back to get back in touch with alcohol. But I was strong in my decision.

“What has happened to me today? Why am I feeling like drinking tonight?.” After two years I wanted to drink tonight. Why is my mind playing such a trick to restart a lost addiction? Was my mind reminding me to drink or was my mind reminding me of her…

I went to a Bar and bought two beer bottles. I did not want to drink at my place. So I went to a near-by football ground. It was 10 pm. The moon shone bright and the sky was very clear. There was a Phone-booth there and a small shop. No body else was around. It was a very calm place indeed. This was the same football ground where my friends and I have got drunk many a times. But tonight I was sitting all alone in the ground with the two beer bottles. The wind was blowing freely. The air around me was still though. The breeze ruffled my long hair and the tear drops dried.

I was crying all along. The guy in the Bar who sold me the two beer bottles even asked me the reason behind my tears. I didn’t answer him though. I opened the first bottle with my teeth. I took my first sip. It was sour. I hated beer but now I needed it.

It has been four years and I haven’t talked to her for four years. I first met her in the year 2000.We were in love for four and a half years. But why am I crying today? Why am I sad? Why have I bought these two beer bottles? Why am I sitting all alone? I did not lose anything. I have my family. I have my friends. I am having my fun for the last four years. But why am I crying today?

She was my junior in college. The first time our eyes met, I knew that she was born for me. "What is your name?”, my rough voice echoed through her ear drums. "Pooja", a soft voice soothed my ear drums. She was my favorite junior and my batch mates were not allowed to rag her (Strict instructions from me). She loved my voice and I started singing songs for her everyday.

Chriz”, Do you smoke and drink? “ Yea, Not heavily though”. She did not talk to me for two weeks. Now I feel I should have left her that instance. But she met me again and asked me to promise that I would never drink or smoke again. I promised, but still continued smoking and drinking.

*******
I looked at the beer bottle. It was still full. I have had just that one sip. It had lost its chillness. I looked around. There was a guy in the telephone booth, busy talking with some one

******

College day celebrations. She was sitting in the crowd. I was on stage with my band.I did not take my eyes off Pooja.She had her eyes fixed on mine too. The vacuum between us was so thick that I could actually cut it with a knife.Lady in Red. My friends knew that I dedicated the song for her.

That night my hostel warden came to my room and said “ Phone for you chriz”. Nobody used to call me at my hostel number. Not even my parentsI was thinking who it would be.I picked up the phone.

“Chrissy Boy, Thanks for that song. I love you”

“What did you just say? Say that again”

“Golden words are not repeated”

“ I didn’t hear that clearly enough. Why don’t you say that again?”

“I will tell it to you tomorrow, when we meet in college. Till then miss me” and she hung up the phone, I felt like I was the most beloved person in the world. We grew closer.

I am in my final year of engineering now. We now know each other for two years. Two years of togetherness. I took her to the beach. We were in love. Neither of us ever proposed to each other. But we knew in our hearts that we were in Love and we kept on telling,” I love you” every day. I finally popped the question, "Can I make you mine?"... A few minutes of silence.. Our eyes spoke the language of love. Our love finally blossomed in the beach.

The next year (2003), I was out of college. I had bought a mobile phone. That was the year mobile phones came into India in a bigger way. I presented her with a mobile phone on her birthday. We talked for hours together everyday. The heavy mobile phone bills said it all.

The next year, I got admitted for an MBA program in Cochin. She got a job in a famous IT firm in Mumbai. We had not met in a long time. I decided to meet her and went all the way to Mumbai. We had a great time. I knew she missed me a lot. She was not the same girl, I once knew. She was a shy little girl in college. Now she is working and she had a matured way of looking at things in life. When I was about to leave, she asked me

"When will you marry me?"

"Wait till I finish my MBA"

"But my parents are looking for a guy for me. It is very hard to convince them. You are Tamil. I am a Sindhi. You are a christian. I am a Hindu. Do you think that it will work out?"

" Why such a doubt after four years? That too on a special day?"

"Just wanted to ask you! Do you think that we could make it?"

"What ever happens, I am sure that we will make it through"

Our daily phone calls became once in a week phone calls. When ever we talked, she kept on telling me the different proposals that are coming her way. “Chriz! I think we should break this. I don’t think this will work out” I was left behind. She couldn’t hear me. She couldn’t sense the shudders I silently broke into whenever she talked that way. Why aren’t men allowed to cry aloud?

It’s unfair. I was a man. I could not cry.
I could not hate her.
I was not cracking my usual jokes these days.
I had forgotten to smile.
I could not joke which had been my trademark symbol.
I could not Sing.

She stopped talking with me. She stopped attending my calls. I would get a text-message saying " I am busy in a meeting. I’ll call you later”. But I would never get a call back. I even thought of begging to her to talk to me. But, Can a man beg? I have heard people say the phrase “Act like a man. Do not beg”. Women can cry. Women can beg. The world accepts these emotions as natural outcomes of feelings. But why are men not allowed to do all these? What are men supposed to do? I never found out.

The two beer bottles were still full. One bottle was open and the other one was still not open. I looked at my watch. It was midnight. I turned around and I could still see the young boy in the phone-booth. He was still talking on the phone. I could hear his voice clearly. He was listening intently for several seconds. Then he spoke in a shivering voice, "Please Minu ... Don’t leave me like this. I feel like dying ... ". I left the bottles in the football ground and started walking. As I walked , I observed his face. I saw a glitter of wetness in his eyes.

and i thought ... "Men don’t cry".

-Chronicwriter

83 comments:

  1. I dunno if this story is a real one or jus fiction. but i have seen couple going apart like this. and as you said "Even Humorous people have sad memories"

    Happens..

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  2. dude... you have way too many women in your life. beyond permissible limits.

    Of course men (and women)can cry, beg etc. ... its just weird to do it in public.

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  3. Is this your story or are you reporting some one's?

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  4. mmm..Something serious from a humorous guy..:)..nice write up....njoyed reading though its emotional..:)

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  5. //Men don’t cry...//

    I guess u will understand what I meant bro..

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  6. Men dont cry - thats true...
    Woman cry for silly things - thats natural..I believe this is your story.

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  7. men don't cry. i hate men who cry :O
    even humourous people hv sad memories- so true!!
    when a sad touching post comes from a usual humourous person, it makes a really nice read. n u wrote this really well n v. touching...
    hope it wasnt ur true story... :(

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  8. bro.....am i too young to say anything?

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  9. Surprising Chriz, From you. Liked the way it has been written down. I really am not going to comment about men crying. Tears are gender unbiased, I presume. But women tend to feel insecure and weak when they see men cry. Perhaps, Thats what makes men ,men. M-E-N.

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  10. ponga pa...

    anyways.. i don't like men crying, but wen i see them crying i just feel very bad for them...

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  11. Who says Men don't cry... A human who can't vent out his feelings through his eyes isn't man enough!!! hmphf!

    Nice story btw... but is it a repost of sorts?

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  12. i did think i've read it somewhere..
    if you cared to post it twice,then it must be true...

    “All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope... all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect... who might be searching for us.”

    The wonder years.

    shouldn't have resumed drinking though.

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  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  14. hell yeah, all men cry, weep and even pass out drunk!! don't be fooled by all those who say otherwise. i have shouldered too many of my mates up to the pub and back home to say we are indestructible metal blokes (Iron Man is a comic book character. never forget that). and when it was my turn, i was in bloody dry state Gujarat.

    life is the ultimate prankster!

    *sigh* you left those two beer bottles alone in the field! poor bottles, lonely bottles. now i could cry! but a nice idea man...the woman left you and you left the bottle...good handover of the baggage funny guy!

    :)

    ps: proud of you mate! only a swig and then once again back to abstinence. chin up, we all survive life's mishaps! (now if that's a good thing or bad, you decide)

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  15. am so touched that m at loss of words. these incidence are so very common but still i hope its not ur true story.


    the way u have written it is commendable as i hv only read humour posts from u.

    take care :)

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  16. Chriz, I love a man that can show his emotions. But be like manly about it. LOL!! Don't throw fits like us gals do when we are having a break down.

    Alcohol! I am so glad you are not drinking anymore..It takes a great deal of strength and a Lot of G-d to help some addictions!!

    This was a great read!

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  17. of course guys can beg n cry too..but they somehow r too egoistic to do so in front of d gal. foolish i say..coz gals cant handle tears.

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  18. I just hope this is fiction! Beautifully written, the pain came out really well. Take care. God bless.

    It's definitely OK for men to cry, it's a different thing they choose not to.

    PS-And a great interview there! Congos! :D

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  19. emotional story.. nicely written..

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  20. Men do cry.. only their tears r not seen.. for they r tears of blood *sigh*

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  21. well written Chris. i dont mean to be insensitive, but is this fiction or..?

    i think real men r those who are not bothered about hiding their tears from the world.

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  22. aww man.. i'm speechless...

    :'(


    and yeah, REAL men cry and that only makes them more human and more loveable...

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  23. There ain't any big deal in crying in public..but its just that we can't do it, because it shows some "emotional imbalance"..but well..when it comes to our Chrissy dude..nope, you shouldn't cry, 'cos you're the smile guy

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  24. Dunno what to say bro'... Honestly.

    I'm back from my hiatus and quite frankly, looking at the title, I expected another Chronic-treat...

    All I'll say is crying is a way to vent out all that anguish. And nothing wrong in pouring it all out.

    Something entirely different from you. Reading this brought memories of an article I read in the news not too long ago. How comedians deal with sadness and strife.

    C'est la vie.

    Peace. Be well.

    ---
    Hey,

    Thank you for those warm words, buddy. Will definitely look out for a publisher in the coming days.

    Trust things are fine with you.

    Will catch up on your other posts in the coming days.

    Peace.

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  25. this hit me dude...i wasn't expectin this...n i sincerely hope this is all fiction...

    as for men not cryin...i think tears is what makes us human...n its always nice to b in touch wid our human side...

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  26. Wow! sooper cool! that i am getting advices free of cost.. let me see more of this advice drama and then ill break the news :)

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  27. hey Chriz.....whatever happens, happens for good!!! If this is your true story, u will find a better one...mark my words!!!!!!

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  28. whose story is this btw!!!!!

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  29. yes men don't cry ..in front of everyone ...they cry all alone :D

    the story is fab ^:)^

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  30. Who's story is this? Anyways I believe men must cry...afterall god has given them tear glands too. Anyways like in Dil Chahta Hain Aamir khan had said: Aaj pooja, kal koi duja. So wait for that duja to come.

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  31. Is it a story chriz? If not, I am sad for you:)
    Who says men don't cry? Let me tell you...it is laways the mark of a strong man when HE cries!Because men are not expected to do that but if they do, they seem like real humans too...(lolzz)
    that was for laughs. Now get out of your morose mood:)

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  32. ah! man! i understand.. men dont cry! they kick butt, drink directly from the carton, kill duck, eat raw meat.. but they dont cry..

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  33. i usualy avoid reading lost post. bnut this one just kept me going. i kept my fingers crossed that things wrked out. it was sad ending. wht eva happens happens for good, man cry but not in front of others. if man cry who wil console woman. man has to be strong cuz women are burdened with unnecessary emotions

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  34. that oft used silly billy adage of "distance making the heart grow fonder" hardly shines through the test of time n truth, does it?

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  35. Hmm..whats with broken love and blogs this week...Even what I wrote was unexpectedly weird by my own admission :P

    I don't know if this story is true or not..But my experience tells me that the super cool, humorous, care-free people I know have turned out that way coz of certain real life situations in which they had to change themselves that way to overcome those situations. Lol..too much thinking..I stop!!

    @Arshat
    Ya right! Men drink from the carton? Huh!! U cudn't finish off even half a mug..But not that I'm complaining! ;)

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  36. it takes great courage to write something like this (if this does pertain to your personal life).
    the moment we start facing our fears is the moment we start doing better in life. Good luck :-)

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  37. tons of reactions coursed through me... its hard how to react.. specially being a girl.. understanding her psychology... anyway another time for all that gyaan.. :)

    as for the story its really nice... there were lots i could connect with :)

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  38. I have to write an essay if I have to respond to these posts; and do full justice to them. But I am not going to do that for a couple of reasons: (1) I find myself in a similar position and perhaps I can more than empathize with you; and (2) I think I do not want to spoil the beauty of these posts too.

    I do not know the details but I totally think it is "unfair" that men should not cry. I believe in conceding my strengths as well as weaknesses; and yes held hands, fragrances of certain types of places - beaches for instance - make me remember my loved one too!

    As a perspective, I respect the fact that women expect men not to cry: but again as a perspective, it takes more than just "not crying" to be a man Chriz. Thanks for this post... thanks a tonne... It just made my week and even if only for a while, it has obliterated the heartburns and just made me savour the memory of "having been in love!" For some memories may not be anything; for those struggling to move on, they are everything!

    Sorry for a personal commentary there - have made it a semi-history after all. lol. But thanks. And yes, I guess I have got everything too - a great family, wonderful friend etc except for HER. I miss her in poverty and plenty!


    PS: Looking at your linked post with the dates and all reminds me of a recent post of mine in another blog!

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  39. and I see there are women here who have commented with both types of views Chriz. Ultimately, I guess it is not about black or white; mor right or wrong; or even strong or weak: it is about "natural". My dad keeps reiterating; there is a beautiful word in "thamizh": "iyalbu". I guess if we can keep to our own "natures", that will first make us first of all human! I am still trying to discover what it takes to be a "man"!

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  40. chriz..
    fictional hai???
    if not..then u r star man..u got lots of gals in ur lie :P...

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  41. nyways to hv story like this frm u...is diff..
    ..luved it..nice read..:)

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  42. A few years back I had the notion that men were insensitive being,,,who just card for the fun factor in their lives...and beyond that nothing else mattered tot them,,,,
    but i now agree and believe that men can cry,beg,feel emotional...and sad too...
    probably at times they r far more sensitive than us women..just the worlds perception of the strong them doesnt allow them to come out of that farce...


    nice read Chriz...though i have to admit that i got a little more emotional reading it...:(

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  43. :( sob sob!! too touchy...

    yeh, men dont cry.. bt dont hide the tears. atleast cry whn u r alone!!

    nicely written! i dont think its a fiction.. :)

    take care
    swetha

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  44. Haina!! main toh senti ho gayi :(

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  45. awww ... this was very emotional chriz...
    n yeah i totaly disagree when people say men dont cry!

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  46. A man's got to do what a man's got to do... and it aint no different when it comes to crying...

    if others say no... then I say 'eff 'em.

    I dont believe in holding back the emotions dude...

    as for the post itself... I saw the real writer in you today bro... Awesome :)

    take care.. cheers...

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  47. Well Man do cry...atleast I do...sometimes..interesting read...I wished for happy ending...

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  48. make crying an excercise for life...it will be less painful.
    trust me

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  49. :(( , true, even humorous people have sad memories :(

    reminds me of another quote :
    the wider the smile, the deeper the wound behind it

    donno if its a story or reality, it was really well written :)

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  50. ayyo..ayyo..ayyoo..wish this ain't ur tragedy now.. :)

    Ur never seenb around des days.. :X still goin places eh?? :(


    Nikhil

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  51. hey chriz
    I think its okay to cry , its just a belief stuck around men. we need to move on, even though everything is not the same. Huggss!! I hope the beer helps.

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  52. men do cry...i've a guy crying like a baby begging for love...!
    i hope its not your real story...coz when love fails,it hurts a lot...i've experienced it!

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  53. i somehow believe it's a true story..very touching indeed...
    ..so u left the beer bottles at the football ground itself..good that you didnt break ur resolution of not drinking

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  54. Men r no different frm wimmen..they do cry and its OKAY!

    HUGS, Chriz :)

    PS: Given the nature of ur blog, a post like this coming frm u is a lil shocking

    TAKE CARE

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  55. you know how traditions, ideologies, adages etc can get distorted over a period of time ..

    the way i see it .. when two in a relationship are faced with difficulties one of them has to assume the responsibility of the strong one and support the other even though internally the pain and suffering might be shattering him/her . If both weaken and both only discuss their weakness there is no support and the relationship faces it's end... generally a man who is assumed to be less emotional and sentimental compared to a woman, is given the responsibility of providing strength because of the above mentioned assumption .. so u see why men don't cry ;)

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  56. I guess I'd tears on my eyes.. but somehow pushed it back.! as u said MEN DON't CRY!!

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  57. Loved it...

    Every emotion...pure... superb!!!!!!
    Fell in love with this post...

    Cheers

    *PEACE*

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  58. another lie factory production h?;)
    was really nice though.touched the right chords:)...but have i read it somewhere before?:O

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  59. Tht was very touching....read both the posts. Now tell me is it ur story?? whatever it was, had lot of depth. I wept by the time i reached the end....i dont like sad endings! :(

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  60. Ok Chriz. Just saw ur msg up there. *ahem*, what's on ur mind... :D

    Peace.

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  61. Men do not ..... But Boyzzz do ;-)

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  62. Ok, if not for the last disclaimer, i would have thought it was you ! Men can cry, why not? They do own tear glands right?

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  63. When one goes thru such situations, one invariably feels all alone even in the middle of a crowd, which implies that one is not in public.. So one can cry his heart out :)

    Whats the news that u r going to break to all of us???

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  64. very nicely put...but really--do men NEVER cry??
    or is it that they just dont want to admit they do?

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  65. first things first.
    Men cry and you know it.. i know it.. :)

    this post left me sad and sighing..

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  66. men cry da....

    ahhhh!! that post touched me...

    I hav read a small part earlier on too so that tells me this is not fiction....:)

    tc

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  67. well if u write "this is very special post because this is my life"...then what do u expect other than aww...m so sorry for u??? and aww...how touching....

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  68. This is a special post for me too Chriz....i hate it wen love falls apart due to such trivial absurdities of society.

    i donno if its ur story or not...its indeed very beautiful...not just one of ur fav but also one of the best i have read.

    www.enchantinganki.wordpress.com

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  69. Men do cry...I do!! Doesnt make me one "quarter" less a man!! :)
    Loved the post!! This break-from-humor post was awesome! :)

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  70. Chapters are many but the lesson is one ...This too will pass ... Good post diff from what u used to write :)

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  71. I quit consuming alcohol two years back.


    --> valkeiyile senja muthal urupadiyana velaiku, valtukkal

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  72. Y must man cries.. she shud cry for left him..~!

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  73. Oh this is horrifying..It is tough for the person who is going through...



    Haiku poetry

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  74. ok.. I don know what to say.. ! Don resume drinking.. ! You are not gonna gain anything by that.. ! People around you still care for you.. !

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  75. hey Chronic writer...
    greetings..
    this is the first time m reading ur blog, and i will read it everyday.... theres a lot to cover...

    Bro, i believe its hard to make words flow for u unless u have experienced them... and if... if it is a true stories, i know nobody but u know how to get over it...

    I had posted something on my blog... same "BOYS DONT CRY" thing... please go thru it if possible...
    heres the link..
    http://mishrarohit.wordpress.com/2009/03/01/i-wont-love-again/

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  76. whoa! look at the comments... he he.. nice one anyway... though the story is not uncommon..

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  77. your book in the stands will make you rich with in no time.why dont you try writing one?

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  78. Heartfelt..jus one word for this post, bro.

    Loved it.felt it.had lived it.

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  79. hidden in here some where is a story every man has to share.

    Chris, bless you.

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  80. dude u should have enjoyed the beer

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  81. I did not know you could write this well in other genres too. Loved it! :-)

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  82. Woh chali gayi mera dil todkar, le gayi mere kaleje ka ek tukda na jaane whoh kyon mujhe paagal bana gayi.

    Bas uski yaadein, kuch meethe pal, zindagi yoon guzar gayi; uski talaash main hi unhi :(

    Brilliant post Chris - in fact will rate it as your best!

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