Jan 9, 2009

275. Intelli-Gent(s) Conversation

Remember those drunken encounters. When we saw stars inside our drawing hall. Birds flying under our bed sheets. A state of drunkenness can make wonders in the pre-hangover session for anyone. All the drunkards around the globe would agree with me on this.If you do not agree with me, all you gotta do is take a gulp of alcohol before reading any further.
This is an intoxicating post.Have you had a conversation with a drunk maniac? On most occasions the conversations would be real fun. But sometimes it may end really bad for the passive listener. I was a passive listener on one occasion. But I was made to actively participate in the conversation

It was the autumn of 2004. Do not ask silly questions like ,"Does India have Autumn season?". I read a Irwing Wallace book and found a particular chapter commencing with such a line and hence I too wanted to write that way. Coming back to that interesting and fateful night...

It was 9.30 pm. I was in Chennai. I was planning to return home from work and found that my bike had a flat tyre. I decided to take the public transport to go back home. Five minutes later, I boarded a bus.Very few travellers were inside the bus. I took a seat near the back of the bus next to a man in his mid thirties. It was a very rare sight to see such an empty bus in Chennai. The seats were occupied by people but no one were standing.

Just when I thought that everything was calm and peaceful, the man next to me started smiling at me.He was heavily drunk and I felt something odd in his smile. I turned away."Why did you turn away?", I heard a rough tone behind my earlobes. It was him. I tried to Ignore him. But again he patted on my shoulder and asked me to turn and sit. I turned and sat facing him.He started a conversation

Drunk Maniac: Why did not you smile back at me?
I just looked at him
Drunk Maniac: Smile
Me: Sorry for not smiling at you. (I smiled at him)
DM: Don't you brush your teeth? Close your mouth you idiot.
I never saw that coming
DM: Why are you not answering me. See my teeth
Then he smiled and showed his teeth. It looked like the yolk of an egg flowing through the rear end of a pig
Me:Yes sir! Your teeth looks great. I would also try to keep my teeth as white as yours
DM: gOoOOOOd.
and then he burped. The smell was unbearable.
DMWhat is your name?
i thought of telling some other name
Me: Bill Clinton.
DM: No wonder your teeth is in that colour
two young guys were sitting behind us and they were following our conversation. They started smiling at me. Shame engulfed me.
Me: Sir! What is your name
DM: George Bush. Hahahahahaha.
handling this guy was very difficult. he played my trick in my own playground.
DM: Which school are you in?
that was the biggest insult i faced that day. I am a 22 year old ADULT and he was asking me which school I go to!!
Me:Sir ! I am not in school. In fact I am working.
DM: HAHAHAHAHAHA. Can you laugh like me
Me: Yes sir
DM: Then laugh
Me: hahahaha
DM: laugh louder man. Why are you laughing as if you are suffering from constipation
Me:Sir this is a public place and lot of people are sitting in this bus
DM:I know that. But we are living in a democratic country. You should laugh now
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
now everyone in the bus were looking at me. the ticket collector in the bus gave me a dirty stare. I stopped laughing immediately
DM: you laugh like an idiot
Me: Thank you sir

Suddenly the drunk maniac pulled the hair of the lady sitting in front of us. I never thought in my wildest dreams that he would do such a thing. The lady stood up from her seat and started swearing at me.The drunk maniac was also looking at me as if I was the culprit.

The conductor blew the whistle and the bus stopped. I was asked to step out of the bus. I was at least glad that I was not beaten up.I wanted to cry and say that I was innocent. But I had more than enough that night and hence I got down from the bus. Not all stories have happy endings

-Chronicwriter

90 comments:

  1. fastest comment. :) I know only a loser can understand another one. Loved the post and yeah me too never saw that coming. It was one of the best post after you returned to active blogging.

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  2. And please recolor the fonts of dark blue to some other color its not visible to non losers :P

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  3. Chriz- Feeling dizzy now :)..Will come back later and read.

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  4. Hahaha...did i laugh alright
    ??? nd the blue color font is not visible...

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  5. lol ...:P...blue some wat not visible :P....change it to orange or red :)...good read :).

    urs..hemu..

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  6. i like the scroll message ...ur not responsible for loss of under wear..:P...how can a reader loose tat :P...heheh

    urs..hemu..

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  7. cant read anything written in blue:(

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  8. Oh my God~~~~that must have been a torture...:)
    nevertheless your whole encounter was a fun read:D
    totally enjoyed it..and just imagining ur facial expressions right after the lady started yelling at you:D

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  9. Super Chriz good one after ur come back this is the best keep rocking the Innocent chris was too cool and the narration was absolutely funny

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  10. hahahah...good one..must have felt much better after steppin out of the bus :D

    ne mystery in Drunken Maniac becoming DC instead of DM??? :D

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  11. hey bro.. thomas here..

    Send me ur ph number.. I’m been trying to contact u for ages. !

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  12. someones missery is someones dose of laughter...sorry dude cudnt help but laff my ass to ur condition!!!

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  13. :P

    now u named him right-maniac

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  14. ok that pic itself made me laugh out loud! :)

    Keshi.

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  15. hahahahahaa..gud One...
    Can you pls change that blue color...its nt clear..

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  16. hehehe... am sorry... cant help laughing... :D

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  17. @santosh
    is it? hehe thank you bro

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  18. @santosh
    yea bro.. changed the colour now.. thanks... hehe

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  19. @josh
    feeling dizzy.. haha.. how is the hangover effect now?

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  20. @abhishek

    welkum bro.. yes changed the blue color font now:)

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  21. @hemant

    yea! everyone talking abt the blue font.. chenged it bro.. thanks...

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  22. @renu

    everyone told that... i changed it... there is an option of highlighting and reading..

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  23. @santasizing richa

    haha.. torturous.. yes.. it was fun too..

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  24. @shiva
    nandri.. hehe.. you know this na.. i was talking abt the pattimandram.. an inspiration.. :)

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  25. @PRAKHAR

    i never noticed that.. it was a mistake.. haha.. thanks a bunch bro.. i changed it.. DC is now DM

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  26. @HEMANt

    haha .. underwear! someone lost their underwear in my blog sometime back...

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  27. @thomas

    hey bro.. glad to see your comment.. sending it right away thru mail...

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  28. @mayz


    even am laughing at myself now...

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  29. @dgypsy

    yes maniac he is...welcome back girl

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  30. @keshi

    yes got that picture as a mail forward as the best drunk conversation.. thought it would be suitable for this post

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  31. @minniegirl

    thanks for coming

    ,.. yes changed the blue fonts..

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  32. @harshita

    glad to know that u dint need help for laffing.. keep laffing

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  33. me laughing my stomach out...

    sathiyama Chriz...that was hilarious... enda bus route... i will miss that bus wen i am back to TN next...

    knck knock..
    Yaaru pa adhu George bush ah??
    Scoot...

    ROFlarious...

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  34. thats wokay.. i had similar experiences :P

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  35. I love the pic you've used...

    How did you reach home finally?

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  36. Chris- Pic was too gud..I would say that you were fortuante that he did that only :)...You have inspired to write my new post..Check it out.

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  37. @RAT

    haha.. the mount road to guindy route... keep coming .. and when u r back in chennai u would have fun too in buses

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  38. @anusha

    you were the active drunkard or the passive drunkard?

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  39. @akansha

    two legs.. walk.. yes i lorved the picdure too

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  40. @josh

    yes would come and visit your page...

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  41. why did you give into the drunkards' fancies.. ?
    that was some experience!!! now my fear and disgust for drunkards (who are always present in buses late night) has increased all the more..

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  42. HAHAHHAHAHA!!!! Recently even I was a passive listener when a friend of mine decided to get drunk on his bday and drowned me in his sorrows!!!! Happens!!

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  43. @pink orchid

    if i had nt answered him it would have been a different scene that night

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  44. @thoorika

    you take me back to my college days.. emotional nights.. cryings.. heehe.. those were fun filled days

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  45. oh ya.... oops i never thought of that..
    i hope you never come across anything like that again..

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  46. holy shiiiiiiiiiiiit!! muahahhahahahhahahahahha...

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  47. ROTFL.. That was hilarious.. Neverthless you must have had a tough time handling that dude :)

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  48. Gee! The irwing Wallace Reference, I liked it:-) And i recently had one awesome nightmare coz of this one drunkard when i was walking back home . Ha, i see so many peoples(lol) sailing thro the same boat.

    The pic was just :P material.

    Keep them coming:-)

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  49. Chriz dude U write so much like how I want to write ...Your humor mann I love it ....
    lol...Intelli-gent(s)..Indeed :P

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  50. @pink

    unless i get drunk....:)

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  51. @trinaa


    i have heard people say this.. how can shit be holy???

    hehe!!!

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  52. @shalini

    i never handled him at all.. i am very much straight...

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  53. @archana

    yeaa its the same boat.. and we call it Tight-tonic

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  54. @anurag

    i am taking a big bow now...i am glad.. thanks a bunch bro

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  55. lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    serves you right mr chris and his smart ass comments!!!

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  56. @phoenixx


    how rude raka... to disown me like this... yes it served me right cos i met a babe after i got down from the bus

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  57. hahahhaha:D
    loved tht one..
    being a non-drinker and having spent lotta time with heavy drinkers, I really understand the situation u faced...
    still pulling the hair of the lady...
    tell me thr truth yaar..dint u do it:P

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  58. Haha (no this is not an idiotic laughter)...!! ;)
    Nice to know u met a George Bush spoof in 2004!! The original would have been no different!! :D
    Good post there! Could relate very well to the first paragraph! ;)

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  59. .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    See. I am not drunk. See. I made a straight line :P

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  60. OMG... I cannot imagine wat u must hv gone thru at dat moment...


    He He He :-)
    Cheers.

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  61. @praveen

    on second thoughts.. mi am not pretty sure if i did it..

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  62. @sree
    talking abt george bush.. i am planning to write an article on him... he is leaving office.. should pay him a fitting farewell

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  63. @Urv

    thaaliyaaaa.wonderful.. did someone help you?

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  64. @tejo\

    welkum to my page.. i am used to drunken interludes now.. so that wasnt a major shock for me anyways

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  65. Thnks...
    Used to??
    God common man.... U must b jokin...

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  66. @tejo

    yae am a common man.. not a rare species.. btw did you mean come on man?
    in that case.. jokes make this blog life tick along.. i have to do that :)

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  67. Oh gud to see such a person i mean go easy kind....

    Happy Writin n living..

    Cheers

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  68. @tejo

    haha.. a toast to the new blogmate..

    cheers!!!

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  69. Didn't you tell the woman that you had not pulled her hair?
    WACKY! =P

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  70. i had a brush(literally) with a drunkard yday nite, chriz.. the idiot was driving a bike and suddenly brushed and tried to pull my leg (i was on a friend's bike)... the guy got a nightmare of thrashing from my friend... :-|

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  71. @AAYUSHI

    i dint tell her... she was not a babe...!!! she was married and she was probably in her forties.. why would i tell her?

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  72. @rat

    poor drunkard.. never ever beat a drunkard.. always talk with them and listen to them.. they have their own sad stories...

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  73. @archana

    coming to check it ji

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  74. (finally they have removed the filter:D...they might have overheard ur plot to kill the server:P)

    nice one...u r slowly getting ur (humour)senses bak;)

    also loved ur chrony-stuff in the sidebar:)

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  75. @neeths
    haha
    thanks a bunch girll.. glad to see back in the commenting section...

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  76. lol..:) good read..:)
    i also hav similar experiences but i ran away b4 speakin with the d.person:)
    happy blogging

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  77. :) funny experience...good u got off, Bill otherwise u would have been beaten up by George n busmates...to think that he pulled that lady's hair !!!

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  78. @resonator

    you just missed a golden oopportunity of having a great romantic conversation.. i feel sorry for you

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  79. @vinnie

    if i had been beaten up for pulling an aunty's hair, i wouldnt have forgiven myself

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  80. Lol I wonder what the hell that man had drunk

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  81. haha :)).. u shd be thankful to God.. the lady left u with just words.. the first time I visited chennai.. I sat on a ladies seat in a bus and the bus was full.. there were a few college girls standing in the front..then suddenly a middle aged lady starts shouting from the rear door..I had no idea abt wat it was.. and the girls standing nxt to me were laughing lookin at me.. after sometime the conductor asked me to get up.. I didn't knew that in chennai the whole left row in a bus is reserved for ladies..the lady from behind came and sat on the seat with an ugly stare on me.. thats it.. after that I never sat on a seat in a bus in chennai..this happened in the year 2000
    ..nice pic..and the post is really funny.. it reminded me of my experience

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  82. @bloggermouth

    probably salpeitaa

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  83. @unknown
    haha welcome to chennai's culture bro.. u shud have had fun indeed.. hope u don sit there anymore.. thanks for sharing ujr experience

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  84. Next time I see a drunkard, I'll direct him to this post... :P

    Too good, man... :D

    Peace.

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  85. oh so.....sad the conclusion is terribly sad...i was expecting some exchange of beatings to happen...you disappointed me chrissss...:)))

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  86. Did this really happen? Ohmigoshh!!

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  87. Oh i cant believe it, you actually laughed so loudly in the bus ??? But nice experience i must say! :)

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