Saturday, January 31, 2009

286. Funnel poetry!

January is drawing to an end and as promised I am gonna give the best post award to the post that I liked the most this month. The winner of this award is Shiv. His posts are really informative for Business management students;especially those who pursue a marketing dream.The Chronic-Award for January goes for his innovative post on Tissue-pack marketing. Click his picture to read this award winning post.

I just realised that it has been more than a year since I posted my so called poetic interludes. Inspired by the the winning post I decided to just go along with the flow and dedicate a poem for my future wife. The funnel poetry style is adapted by the author (Funnel poetry style gives a funnel structure to the poetic-flow)

Because I love you

I am standing near the gate of your life
Will you open it?
I am knocking at the door of your soul
Can you hear me?
I am near the window of your mind
Can you read me?

All I want is a passage
To see you
To feel your thoughts
To know how you act
To find how you look at me
All I want is a Vision
To picturise you
Just a little peep
A small crack
A keyhole
A window
A door

The truth is I dont know you
But I want to know you
Because I love you


Thursday, January 29, 2009

285. Five things i do when i get drunk

Most of us do the craziest of things when we get drunk. I do not drink now. But during my college days, when alcohol used to play hide and seek with my taste-buds, I have acted weird too.Some people get very emotional and cry a lot and realise the value of their folks when they are drunk. Some puke around the whole place and give you headaches and nauseating feelings.There was this guy who proposed his girl friend by throwing a Rose flower on her head. She suffered head injuries. Apparently he threw the rose flower along with the flower pot.

I am not gonna talk more about what others do when they are sloshed. I am gonna brag about what I do when I am stoned. The following are five things from my experience; The experience of an ex-drunkard...

1)C programming -2000

I remember this incident very well because 2000 was the year I started drinking. I also remember the year because that was the year I first got drunk too. Me and my friend were totally smashed that night after three mugs of beer (He had two and half mugs and I had half a mug of beer). I puked on his C- programming book by Balaguruswamy (Madras University students will know this name) and as a result he cleared the paper only in his fifth attempt

2)The drowning episode -2005

Me and my six friends (We call ourselves The sexy seven) drank like wild boars that night . We finished two crates of beer bottles (24 bottles in all. I just had half a bottle as usual). We all hit the pool. The sad part is all my friends can swim and I do not know the art of splashing in the pool. I had to wear the floating jacket and I jumped into the kid's pool which was near the main pool. I drowned in it and my friends had to carry me off the pool.

3)The sallu-bhai story-2003

It was my final year of Engineering. Our juniors gave a very good farewell to us. Alcohol was flowing freely that night. It was a beach party. The juniors were watching us. To prove to them that I am an expert in the art of drinking, I gulped one full bottle of beer (650ml in all). The dance floor invited us to dance. We went crazy on the dance floor. A few guys wanted to do a La-Salman Khan show. The girls went wild. I joined the gang of guys too. After a while the girls went wilder. They were cheering more than before. The next day when my friends told me that Salman khan removes only his shirt, I realised my folly

4)College Suspension- 2002

Never get drunk before you attempt any form of examination in your Engineering degree even if it is just a class test. Chances are that you might get suspended from college for 25 days. I am not gonna explain more on this.Two more guys were suspended along with me. Sundar and Edwin are their names.

5) Stairway to heaven- 2001

I was standing at the bottom of a staircase for two hours. Later I realised that it was not an escalator.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

284. Jim - The idiot

There are around 50 houses in the street where I live . In the evenings all the kids would be on the street playing cricket, football and some local games.When I was a kid, I used to play all these games in the same street. But these days all I do is just go out meet some friends in the street and talk with them. I also love watching the young kids of today's genration play the same old games that we once played.

A young boy, Jim also lives in our street. He is quite dumb and poor compared to the other kids. The other kids never play with Jim because he is very poor and cos he is dumb. Jim would also stand near us and watch the kids play. The other Kids would call him " Idiot Jim". He would just smile at them. I would feel like hitting the other kids, but I never do that because the kids are rude and arrogant indeed. What if they beat me up? So I always keep quiet.

The kids would tease Jim all the time, calling him names, and punching him on the shoulder as they passed. To mock him for being dumb, they would offer him a One Rupee coin and a Ten Rupee currency note, telling him he could have just one. They said he always took the one rupee coin because it was heavier and that it would not get torn.This continued for so long. I would pray that he picked the Ten rupee currency note at least once and teach all the kids a lesson. But It never happened

This weekend, after Jim took the One rupee coin, I pulled him to one side and said, "Hey Jim, don't you know they're making fun of you? They think you don't know that the Ten rupee currency note is worth more than the One rupee coin. Are you really grabbing the One rupee coin because it's heavy, or what?"

"No," Jim said, "but if I took the Ten Rupee currency note they'd quit doing it!"

I felt like an idiot...From now on, I would enjoy watching the kids tease Jim everyday..That clever little boy...

... JIM


Sunday, January 25, 2009

283.A racist of a third kind

I am not a racist. I am gonna talk about my own people. My own Blood. My own country people and hence this is definitely not a racist post.Today I am gonna talk about Men and Women from India. The focal point of this post will revolve around a very common phenomenon that everyone around the globe aspires for... Yes! "The Looking-Good factor".. Let me begin with the ladies.

Indian Women are the most beautiful women in the world. I do not have to prove it to the world. We have our very own proof. Sushmita Sen, Aishwarya Rai, Priyanka Chopra, Lara Dutta, Katrina Kaif, Mandira Bedi and the list goes on... (Mandira Bedi was added to this list on a special recommendation by the author himself) People all over the whole will agree with me about the beauty about the babes of MY country.
But something happens at middle age.
It is very sudden.
There is no warning.
It is like a tsunami .
Unexpected like the 9/11
You never see that coming.
The beautiful Indian women suddenly become an aunty.
Oh My God. Why such a disaster?

Indian Men are not left behind. We have Arjun Rampal,Chronicwriter, John Abraham, Dhoni and the likes...(Chronicwriter added his name here cos this is his blog) With Greek Image looks and a body that every girl on earth would yearn for.

But there comes the season called Autumn and all hairs break loose. The Indian Cricketer Sehwag is one classic example of this early Autumn attack. If you are an Indian male reader and if you are not yet attacked by the autumn bug, don't you laugh now. You never know when that attacks you.I know it will attack me too and i am ready for it.. The weaving therapy is a solution for us.

Another strange phenomenon that is especially found in Indian men is excessive-body hair. We have hair everywhere. Chest, privates, legs, backs and even inside the ears. When I wear a short trouser and sit next to a human being from any other race, I get this severe complex because I look like a monkey from the stone age. Was this whole thing a practical joke?

If you are an Indian woman reading this, don't you laugh at Indian men, because I have seen women who have more hair in their legs than mine.


Friday, January 23, 2009

282. Strip tease

Two girls wanted me to be their valentine for this year. So they approached me and shared with me about why they are crazy about me. I was in a fix. The valentine rule book says that I should not two-time with girls.

Hence I told them to take their decision after they ask me 15 questions each. They prepared 15 questions each and approached me. By the way their names are Anusha and Archana respectively and dis-respectively.

These two girls first had a pillow fight to decide who will go ahead and ask the first 15 questions. Anusha muscled her way and defeated Archana in the pillow fight and hence got ready to ask her 15 questions to me. She looked into my eyes and these are her questions. I have added my answers too

Anusha's question

1. What is your occupation Chriz?Bed wetting (When I was a kid)
2. What color are your socks right now?Barefooted now. So all I can see is my hairy feet.I think I have real sexy legs. What do you say?
3. Can you drive a stick shift?
Would love to drive an automated version. But am not that rich
4. Do you like me?I love you. You are five inches taller than me. If you wear a two inch heel and stand next to me, we would look like Amitabh Bachan and Sachin Tendulkar.
5. How old are you today?
26 years and 9 months. O M G. In another three months I would be 27 and that means I am just three years away from becoming 30. Boy I still look like an 18 year old boy.
6. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
Hide and seek
Ice-ball (A south Indian version of Scotland yard)
Dikkilona (The south Indian version of Rugby).
7. What are your favorite drinks?
Salpeitaa (Its again a South Indian version of Tequila)
8. Have you ever dyed your hair?
No. But I perm it regularly.
9. Favorite food?The food that is served at home. (People who stay far away from their home would agree with me)
10. Favorite day of the year?
April 13th every year. That was the day I was born. I am very surprised at the co-incidence because it is my birthday too
11. Do you want your friends to e-mail you ?I prefer a female to an email.
12. What is on the floor of your closet?
My underwear. It is a Ellen underwear.
13. What did you do last night?Wrote a letter to Renu. Then her hubby's strong frame came across my mind. I tore the letter.
14. How many states have you lived in?
Tamilnadu, Pondicherry, Singapore, Kerala, Guangdong (China) and Beijing (China)
15. What is your wish for this new year?
To spread more smiles on the faces of those with whom I interact with.
The 15 questions got over and Anusha was all happy with the answers she got. She left the scene and Archana approached me next with her list of 15 questions

Archana's Questions
1) If your Lover betrayed you, what would your reaction be?Don't irritate me. First get me a lady love.
2. If you have one dream which could come true,it would be?Have my own talk show on TV
3.What would you do with a billion dollars ?Buy millions of underwears
4.Who is more blessed-loving someone or being loved by someone ?Giving and taking and sharing and loving.I wanted to sound philosophical in this answer.I know that i failed miserably
5.If the person you like is secretly attached,what would you do?I would make it sure that, that person doesnt come to know about the secret attachments that I have with other babes
6.If you could root for one social cause,what would it be?Voice against Child abuse
7.What takes you down fastest?Arrogance and Artificial attitude
8.What according to you is blogger in denial?Those who can copy but cannot paste properly.
9.What’s your fear?
Female mosquitoes
10.Your opinion about me?If you were only as strong as Anusha, you can save me from the baddie girls if they try to molest me
11.What is the first thing you do when you wake up?I drink 1.5 litres of water and then head directly to the loo to drain my bladder
12.If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, whom would you pick?The lighter one. If I cant pick her up, i'll ask her to pick me up.
13.Would you give all in a relationship ?Yes I would give my all. But I won't share my underwear
14.Do you prefer being single or in a relationship?Man. 30 is just around the corner. I have been single all this while.
15. Ok bye Chriz
By the way .. is that a question?
Archana also left the scene. The girls are yet to call me. Sometimes I think that two-timing is not at all a big sin.
Note:Guess no one will tag me from now on...

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

281. Hairy business

Being the girls' man is a very tough job for any man. I can see every man-reader agreeing to this statement. No man knows what a girl really expects from a man.. Is it emotional stability? or is it the Greek god looks? or is it the 6 pack body? or is it the chocolate boy look? or is it the leather belt whacker? It is a very tough problem to crack. I am Mr.X (Chronicwriter's alter ego). I am here to talk about my alter ego,"Chronicwriter" and how he tried to become the Girls' man.

The chronicwriter embarked on a journey to crack this mystery and made a very great discovery. From a very famous survey done by DCRDM (Dubakoor Council of Researches on Dubakoor Matters) surprising results sprung up. Every girl likes a Man's hair
  • 97 % of women loved men with nice hair and they loved ruffling them.
  • 2% of the women loved bald men
  • 1% were undecided ( Men should be very careful about these women)

This research findings made the chronicwriter to think a lot and finally he found the trick of becoming the girls' man. He was not interested in the 2% women because in another two years time, chronicwriter doesn't have any other option other than settling down with these 2% women.

In order to become the ultimate heart-throb of every woman, he decided to grow his hair. For this, he contacted DCRDM to conduct a personalised survey for him and they provided the results in no time. The top three hairstyles of all time (according to woman) are

1. David Beckham's Horse style

2.Josh Holloway's Lion style

3. Captain Dhoni's Bird-Wing style

The Chronicwriter tried a mixture of all these styles and spent a very huge sum of money for his hair-care and conditioning. After three months, his hair looks like this

What should he do now?

NB: Somebody has stolen the author's red underwear. He doubts a couple of his blogmates.When I had a talk with him after five shots of tequila, this is what he had to say to me...

I never ever thought in my wildest dreams that one of my blogmates would actually be my underwear fetish.

If you guys have it with you, please return it to the chronicwriter.Please mail it to him at

Chronicwriter is planning to add his latest picture soon.Which picture should he add?

  1. The picture in which he is wearing the red underwear (or)
  2. The picture of his present hairstyle

-Mr. X

Monday, January 19, 2009

280. The number-10 jersey

Gary Linekar, Pele, Zidane, Maradona, Dennis Berkamp, Michel Platini, Roberto Baggio, Francesco , Ronaldinho, Alessandro Del Piero, Gheorghe Hagi, Cesc Fabrigas and Baichung Bhutia have worn the number 10 jersey in the soccer centre stage. I am just taking this opportunity to announce that I had the privilege of wearing the number 10 jersey too.

This incident happened a year ago.I started working in the ad field. The very first day at work, I was told that I would be taking part in the Inter-media-firms Soccer tournament in Chennai.

80% of my workmates were from the fairer sex and only 20% belonged to the male species of the human community.The firm had only 10 men. Including the delivery boy, we had a full fledged soccer team. But we did not have any reserve player in the team.The main reason for me being selected was that I was the youngest of all ( and obviously we had to field in 11 players). None of the rest were under 30 years of age.

The captain of our team was the creative director of our firm. He was in his mid forties. He had a big pout.He told us that we would have practise sessions from the very next morning. Most of us had never played soccer before. I had played it in the street with my neighbour kids. But that was some ten years back.

The very next morning at 6 am, we all gathered in the near-by playground. We all did some warm up. There wasn't any coach.So we did our very own exercises. Soon everyone realised that i was the most flexible and energetic soul in that ground.Why would not I be? 3 of my team mates were in their early 50s. The rest all in their mid forties and two in their 30s. No wonder!!! I was given the centre forward position.I was happy because it meant that I would be wearing the number-10 jersey

We even bought jerseys for us. Our team looked very professional. I was happy because I would be the one who would be leading the offence charge for my team.The babes in my firm formed a cheergroup team and they even practised some choreo-steps. Another creative bunch of girls even prepared some posters and banners. We indeed felt like super-sportstars that whole week.

The night before the game, the jerseys arrived. They had ordered for free-size jerseys.When i tried it i found it too long and it went till my knees and considering the way it clung on to me, I was pretty sure that I never needed shorts.But still the rules stated that I should wear a trouser. The whole night I was dreaming about the goals i would be scoring in the matches. Free kicks, super dribbles, bicycle kicks.. Indeed I had great skills in my dream.

Morning dawned and we assembled in the soccer stadium. To our surprise we got a direct entry into the second round because the opponents did not turn up. so the next game for us was scheduled later that evening. We just sat there and had fun cracking jokes and talking about all the greatest soccer games we had seen so far.

Finally the much awaited time came. We were up against the team from Vijay-TV ( a popular media house in Tamilnadu). We won the toss and we knew that it was a great start for us. We chose our end and the game started. The cheer girls started their performance and they were indeed great in their act. The game also became intense.

In the second minute of the game, an opposition player made a rough tackle on me and I fell on the ground. I did some serious acting and the babes gave a sympathetic look on me. The medical staff tried rushing to the scene to help me, but the referee did not allow them into the ground. He came to me and said," If you do not get up now, I would be flashing an yellow card for you". The very next minute I was on my feet full of energy. I understood that the referee was such an inspirational speaker.

Ten minutes into the game, the opposition team scored their first goal. But we knew that we could easily get back on level terms and even score more. We played like true champions. At half time the score read 11-0.At half time, the cheer girls were not cheering for us anymore.(They might have forgotten their steps) That is when I decided that I was not gonna let my team down.I gave a pep talk to my team-mates and I knew that they were raring to go.

The second half saw us struggling even more. The opposition team scored another 9 goals and the scoreline read 20-0. Only five minutes remained and now we were playing for our pride. Our captain told us that we should at least score one goal and avoid a big humiliation.
The opposition midfielders controlled the ball very well and passed with great ease. I gave them a good chase and with my great tackling skills, i got the ball and dribbled past two men and kicked it towards the goal.It took a deflection from my team mate and went inside the net. Even though it took a deflection from his leg, everyone knew that I was the one who was responsible for that wonderful goal. The referee blew the final whistle.

My captain frowned at me.I knew he was jealous that he was not the hero behind the goal.I turned towards my other team mates. They were staring at me too. Even the goal scorer wasn't delighted. The final score line read 21-0. What if it was an own goal? Atleast we scored one goal.That was the last time I ever played a soccer game.

I would like to make a comeback and score more goals.


Saturday, January 17, 2009

279. Sharon Fernando

Airplane journeys excite me for two things.
  1. The food &
  2. The air hostesses

I am not a major foodie. So now you would have figured out that the sole reason why I like to fly. Yes! The BABES.When I fly ,I always prefer the aisle seat near the emergency exits for obvious reasons.

This post is about my journey from Singapore to Chennai in Silk Airways a couple of years back. When ever I travel, I always dream of a romantic interlude with the air hostesses. But every time there would not be any romance. But this journey was different from my previous flight experiences. Even before I took the flight I knew that something really mushy was in store for me.

I saw her standing near the entrance when I climbed the stairs. She was longingly looking at me. "Was she in love with me?". Immediately, I wanted to call my mom and tell her not to hunt for a bride for me . But I just wanted to wait a little longer and enjoy the moment. When I climbed the stairs, she looked into my eyes and smiled.

She was in a Green dress. I was in a green t-shirt too. "Did she know that I would be wearing a green shirt", Thoughts raced across my mind. She said " Welcome aboard". Immediately I wanted to give her a welcome hug. But being a gentleman, I controlled myself and went inside and took my seat.

I had just taken my seat. It was not the same old aisle seat . Just when I was about to fasten my seat belt, she came to me and started a conversation. "Sir! You are sitting near the emergency exit"."Is it? By the way you can call me Chriz. Can I know your name?"." My name is Sharon Fernando, and as you are sitting near the emergency exit.....". She went on explaining the safety measures that I should follow in case there is an emergency.

"Why did she care so much for me?"

" Why is she saying all these things to me?"

" Is she in love with me?"

"She did not like me getting hurt."

Immediately I wanted to propose. But I waited.The plane took-off. She walked to and fro and always smiled at me .There was an old lady sitting in the aisle seat. I told the old lady that I had a bad tummy and I would be rushing to the loo quite often and hence if she could kindly exchange seats with me I would be grateful to her. She readily agreed. The next minute I was sitting in my favorite location.

A few minutes later Sharon came to me and gave me a wet towel to freshen up. But she also gave the wet towel to everyone in the plane.I immediately understood that she was testing whether i would show my possessive nature.I was not ready to fall for this .I acted as if I never saw anything at all.I knew she wanted me to react and tell my love for her in front of everyone. But I wanted to make her wait. Even I could play mind games. I smiled within myself.

I took my mobile phone and started playing a game. Sharon rushed to me and said in a naughty tone," You shouldn't use your mobile phones during the flight".

"Why didn't she want me to use the phone?"

"Did she think that I was messaging my girlfriend? "

"So she was actually jealous and she wanted me all for herself."

I did not want to play with her feelings anymore. Hence I kept my mobile phone inside my pocket again.She then came to me and asked what I would like to eat. I was lost in her beauty and I did not reply. She looked at me for sometime and then she placed a tray in front of me and left. I opened the cover and found a chicken burger. How did she find my favorite junk food? She understood my silence. She was the just the right match for me.Why didn't she come in my life for the past 26 years?

She even came and collected the tray from me after I finished my meal. "I shouldn't wait any longer", I thought to myself and I stood up and walked near her.There was another air hostess standing near her. So I made my way to the Loo. I went inside the loo and practiced my pick up lines in front of the mirror. Boy! I was indeed romantic.

I came out of the rest room like an Olympic Champ. She was still standing next to the other babe. I calmly walked to my seat and sat down. After sometime she came to me and gave me a form. She told it was a service quality feedback form. "Was she trying to make me write my feelings for her in that paper?". I did not want to disappoint her.

I came up with an extempore poetry. I wrote it just for her. My love flowed like clear honey through my words. She collected the form after sometime. She didn't go through it. I knew she would read it later. I even wrote my telephone number in that form.

The plane soon landed and I got ready to leave. Sharon was still standing at the back of the plane. She did not have the strength to come to the door to see me leave. I understood her silence. She must have felt real sad.Anyways I was just a call away.I smiled at her. Our eyes spoke. I assured her that I am all hers. She understood it, cos she smiled at me.I left the airport.

It has been three years and I haven't got a call from her yet. Many girls have come and gone in my life.But I am still waiting for that one girl who will give me a ring one day....



Thursday, January 15, 2009

278. The guy who flicked my Gel

Every one would have come across a guy like that , especially if you had stayed in a hostel. This is a real story about a guy who paid heavily for stealing.It was my first year in College.I was put up in a Men's Hostel.It was my first time away from Home.

I happened to share my room with three other guys. Stephen,Edwin,and Robert. We were 4 different guys from four different places in India. We were from different economic, cultural, social backgrounds. It did not take long for us to adjust with each other. That is the beauty of Hostel life.We had our differences but still , we got along well.

Stephen was the sleeping beauty of our room. Any hour of the day, he would be sleeping. Edwin was a Master singer and he had such a beautiful voice. When it came to Light music, the first name that would come to any one's mind in college was Edwin's.I am not gonna talk about myself cos I have blown my trumpet already in my blog. But I have to talk about Robert because this post is dedicated to him. I am purposely using the original names cos even if I change it, my friends would know who I am talking about.

In hostel life no one owns anything. Your bathing soap would be missing from the soap dish. Some one else would be using your towel. Even shirts and trousers would be shared by friends. I was happy that at least, my friends did not use my underwear. Some days I would plan to go out in my best shirt and I would have ironed it and kept it on my bed. But when i return from my bath, Robert would be wearing it.We started calling him the flicker cos if anyone loses anything, we all knew where to find it. It would be in Robert's cupboard.

As days went by we were all irritated by Robert's attitude.He was such a pain. He would use our shoes without our permission and he even used Stephen's toothbrush once. I tried my level best to talk to him but nothing worked. He never changed his behavior.I never took it seriously when he used my shirts without permission but the day I found that he was even flicking money from my wallet, I thought of teaching him a lesson. A lesson that he would never forget in his entire life.

The very next day, I bought a hair styling gel.I did not keep it inside the shelf. I openly kept it on my table. Robert saw me using the hair gel and I knew he was tempted to try it. But he never had the guts to ask me openly. Days went by and the gel started to decrease in quantity and I knew that he was using it.

Soon I bought another hair cream. It was Brylcreem this time.When all my roomies were inside the room, I announced to them that this cream is the best of all hair creams.I even asked my friends to use it. They all tried.Robert had long hair and he was a Arjun Rampal look-alike.The cream really played wonders to his hair. I knew Robert liked it.After that day he started using it without my permission. I knew that the fish had fallen inside the net and hence I decided to pull the net to the shore.

Soon I bought another hair gel box , emptied its contents and filled it with Nads-waxing cream .That evening, I told Robert that the new cream is better than the old one. I also asked Stephen and Edwin not to use the cream.They agreed.

I waited for the anti-climax and I knew that i did not have to wait for a long time.The moment we all waited for, finally arrived.The very next day we saw Robert in a new look.He looked like a porn-model molested by an ape.The message was conveyed in an effective way. He never spoke to me again.


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

277. Big Ben is innocent

PG required - Children below 12 years of age are requested to ask their parents to explain certain parts of this post.Anyways the author is pretty sure that the children would be the ones who would be explaining the hidden meaning in this Adult post

This post is not about my friend Andrew. He has this habit of talking insane topics when no one is interested to listen.No ! I am not gonna write about him.This post is about Branding. The reason behind me pulling Andrew into this topic is mainly due to the fact that he was the first person who opened my eyes to the concept of Branding.We were in College. Those were the days when mobile phones and hi-tech electronic gadgets were not introduced into the market. Every guy in college wanted to be one step ahead of the other guy in one way or another. Different routes and methodologies were adopted by every guys to garner attention. Bikes, Guitar and Apparel were the few things used by the college guys of our era.
In our College there were three guys who used these things to make the babes fall for them. When it came to bikes, it was Surya. He modified his Hero Honda CD-100 bike into a sports bike and the babes went gaga over his bike riding skills. All we guys prayed that he should fall from his bike at least once. But he was way too super cool.He was the man to watch in our college.

Talking about Guitar,it was my turn to take the centre stage. I would always dream about the babes going crazy over my guitar strumming skills. But when ever we performed on stage it was always that Loser-killer drummer who got the attention with his stick-juggling act. I hated him.The girls would just go crazy at him and start screaming. Even when I had the opportunity for a one-on-on date with a girl, I would always end up being screamed at (Not the same sorta screaming that the killer drummer gets) Somewhat I never ended up as the girl's guy in college.
And finally talking about apparels, it was Andrew. He could sweep any girl of her feet and heels with his cool dressing. He always wore super-Branded apparels and beat us all in the trade of dressing up for the occasion. When all we guys used to have two pairs of jeans, he was the only one to wear Lee trousers in college. I am talking about the year 1999. Wearing a Lee jean was something very big then.

We would wear Bata/action shoes and he would always be in Reebok/ Nike. He was the first person who took branding to a new level in college. But one day when I was taking a closer look at his shoe, I figured out that the spelling of the shoe was actually NYKE.(a picture of an original nike shoe is added for viewer delight.)
This discovery made us to probe further and soon we figured all his jeans had the spelling Leee. We were very happy for our discovery and we soon announced it to every girl in college. A flower was nipped in the bud.

Branding has its plus points and in some cases it even pulls in political insurgence. In Russia a very popular American condom was banned. The name of the brand was PUT-IN condom. It was Vladimir PUTIN who was heading the government and hence the condom was driven out of the country.

The best case of innocent bargaining power of the consumer is that of Ben Johnson's. I hope everyone would remember his world record beating run in the 100 metres in the Seoul Olympics.He Shocked Carl Lewis and the entire world with that run in 9.79 seconds( The author of this blog takes time to blow his own trumpet now. He still holds his college record for running 100 metres in 11 seconds flat)
Coming back to Ben Johnson,he was disqualified and his record was scratched off because his urine samples contained Stanozolol ( A performance enhancing drug). The Olympic committee did not even give Big Ben a Chance to plead for innocence. But I take this opportunity to voice my support for Big Ben after two decades.

The Real Ben Story ( Explored and Discovered by Chronicwriter):

Two months prior to the race in the Seoul Olympics, Big Ben and his wife were on the verge of a break up. Big Ben's sexual performance was in question. Just to prove her wrong, he took to performance enhancing drugs to save his marriage. Little did he know that he was misled by the pharmacist. At least my readers now know that Big Ben is innocent.


Sunday, January 11, 2009

276. Loo Discoveries

The toilet is one place where most of us discover lot of stuff. The brain works in a supersonic speed in the Loo. The visual delight that the eyes come across help us to unearth the deeply covered truths. Most of my posts were written based on brainwaves that hit the shore when I was in the Loo. This morning When I went to the Loo to read the newspaper, my brain suddenly started working. Answers to many questions flowed through my thoughts. Here I present to all you people, my Loo discoveries.

Loo Discovery 1: The ten plagues on Egypt

In the Bible, The Lord tested the heart of the Egyptian King by sending ten different plagues on the Egyptians.I have read this passage in the Bible and I have even heard the story from different men of God.I always wondered about God's wonderful plan. Why did he test the Egyptians? Why not the Americans or the Europeans or the Asians?

This morning I was in the Loo and my troublesome tummy reminded me that I had a weird Chinese food the night before. That helped me solve the question about the plague. If only God had sent the plague on the Chinese, the Chinese would have rejoiced instead of being troubled. Just Imagine God sending a legion of Locusts/Grasshoppers/ Frogs on the Chinese. They would have just eaten them all.

Loo Discovery 2 : Barking Dogs do not bite

We would have come across this phrase "Barking Dogs do not bite". I have never tried to find the validity of this statement. But call it the seventh sign from down under, I found the answer in the LOO again. Dogs are not multi-taskers. They have only one mouth. When they Bark, they could not bite and vice-versa. It has taken all these years for me to understand this simple logic.

These two discoveries of mine has made me to use the Loo more often and come up with more and more discoveries... I got two e-mail forwards from a friend of mine and I did not think twice to add it in my blog.

1.The Vampire Bat

A vampire bat comes back to his fellow vampires with a blood on his mouth.
They ask him where he got the blood.
He asks them, - "Did you see that tree back there?"
"Sure," they reply.
"Well I didn't!"

2.The Annoying Boy

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!

kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"


Friday, January 09, 2009

275. Intelli-Gent(s) Conversation

Remember those drunken encounters. When we saw stars inside our drawing hall. Birds flying under our bed sheets. A state of drunkenness can make wonders in the pre-hangover session for anyone. All the drunkards around the globe would agree with me on this.If you do not agree with me, all you gotta do is take a gulp of alcohol before reading any further.
This is an intoxicating post.Have you had a conversation with a drunk maniac? On most occasions the conversations would be real fun. But sometimes it may end really bad for the passive listener. I was a passive listener on one occasion. But I was made to actively participate in the conversation

It was the autumn of 2004. Do not ask silly questions like ,"Does India have Autumn season?". I read a Irwing Wallace book and found a particular chapter commencing with such a line and hence I too wanted to write that way. Coming back to that interesting and fateful night...

It was 9.30 pm. I was in Chennai. I was planning to return home from work and found that my bike had a flat tyre. I decided to take the public transport to go back home. Five minutes later, I boarded a bus.Very few travellers were inside the bus. I took a seat near the back of the bus next to a man in his mid thirties. It was a very rare sight to see such an empty bus in Chennai. The seats were occupied by people but no one were standing.

Just when I thought that everything was calm and peaceful, the man next to me started smiling at me.He was heavily drunk and I felt something odd in his smile. I turned away."Why did you turn away?", I heard a rough tone behind my earlobes. It was him. I tried to Ignore him. But again he patted on my shoulder and asked me to turn and sit. I turned and sat facing him.He started a conversation

Drunk Maniac: Why did not you smile back at me?
I just looked at him
Drunk Maniac: Smile
Me: Sorry for not smiling at you. (I smiled at him)
DM: Don't you brush your teeth? Close your mouth you idiot.
I never saw that coming
DM: Why are you not answering me. See my teeth
Then he smiled and showed his teeth. It looked like the yolk of an egg flowing through the rear end of a pig
Me:Yes sir! Your teeth looks great. I would also try to keep my teeth as white as yours
and then he burped. The smell was unbearable.
DMWhat is your name?
i thought of telling some other name
Me: Bill Clinton.
DM: No wonder your teeth is in that colour
two young guys were sitting behind us and they were following our conversation. They started smiling at me. Shame engulfed me.
Me: Sir! What is your name
DM: George Bush. Hahahahahaha.
handling this guy was very difficult. he played my trick in my own playground.
DM: Which school are you in?
that was the biggest insult i faced that day. I am a 22 year old ADULT and he was asking me which school I go to!!
Me:Sir ! I am not in school. In fact I am working.
DM: HAHAHAHAHAHA. Can you laugh like me
Me: Yes sir
DM: Then laugh
Me: hahahaha
DM: laugh louder man. Why are you laughing as if you are suffering from constipation
Me:Sir this is a public place and lot of people are sitting in this bus
DM:I know that. But we are living in a democratic country. You should laugh now
now everyone in the bus were looking at me. the ticket collector in the bus gave me a dirty stare. I stopped laughing immediately
DM: you laugh like an idiot
Me: Thank you sir

Suddenly the drunk maniac pulled the hair of the lady sitting in front of us. I never thought in my wildest dreams that he would do such a thing. The lady stood up from her seat and started swearing at me.The drunk maniac was also looking at me as if I was the culprit.

The conductor blew the whistle and the bus stopped. I was asked to step out of the bus. I was at least glad that I was not beaten up.I wanted to cry and say that I was innocent. But I had more than enough that night and hence I got down from the bus. Not all stories have happy endings


Wednesday, January 07, 2009

274. The record breaking Gamer

My dad bought our very first personal computer in the year 1993. Owning a computer at that time was like driving a Mercedes Benz.I guess the simili doesn't hold good for today's kids cos Merc is used as a cab in many countries.

I was in class seven then.My sister used to be a major computer whiz. She used to confuse me by keying in lots of command prompts in the DOS screen. She was also a major programming expert. She used hi-technical programming languages like BASIC & PASCAL.

I used the computer for a few purposes. The paintshop (now the MS Paint), and the free set of games that came along with Windows package. The version of windows was some 3x. The 90 series came years later. One of my favorite games used to be the Minesweeper. The reason behind me getting addicted to it was due to the fact that I never succeeded in it. I always believed in the phrase," a collection of failures = success"

Soon I saw many changes in our computer. The versions in windows kept on updating every year. I came across many computer games. Prince of persia, Dave, mario, roadrash, skyroads, NFS,Brian lara cricket,Age of empires,EA sports collection and many more. But I never could complete the game minesweeper.It was always in the back of my mind.

Soon it was the internet era and I was busy socialising with the world through yahoo chat rooms, hi5, orkut, facebook, and all the social networking garbages. Then I figured out that I could indeed make a living out of my Blog and here I am...

It has been 16 long years and in this long journey, if there is one unfulfilled dream for me, it is nothing but a win in the game "Minesweeper". With determination and dedication and with just one aim, a mind to win, I played the game yet again. Finally I did it. I completed the game in a record breaking time and I was a winner. Please check this new record set by me. Click the image for a better view.

Please feel free to congratulate me on my new achievement. I hope my Record would surely inspire a lot of today's generation kids.