May 28, 2008

178. Thanks Gary

I have a weather forecasting stone , tied to the tree in the backyard of my home...
Thanks to Gary...

I want to see this creative fellow. * Bows Down *

-Chronicwriter

( Am recovering from fever. So I would not be regular in the blog village this week)

May 27, 2008

177. Three to Taggo

I took this tag from a random site

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY
Chriz
Chrissy Boy
Chronicwriter
THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD
iamtheguyurdadwarneduabout (Yahoo messenger)
shilpa_1486 (Yahoo messenger)
osamabinladdu (Yahoo messenger)
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
The mole under the toe in my right leg
My belly button (It is similar to Anna Kournikova’s)
The beard that I shaved off last week
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF
The hair inside my nose
My wisdom tooth (Wisdom overflows from it)
Mr. X (My alter-ego)
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE
Buckingham palace
Eden Gardens (The one where Adam and Eve lived)
Jessica Alba (My Fiancée)
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU
Rakhi Sawant
Mallika Sherawat’s Romantic expression
Renu’s Husband
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS
Mirror (To admire myself)
Deo (For the kick-Axe effect)
A cozy bed ( I love sleeping)
THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
Jockey vest
Dirty-smelly socks
Pierced belly button
THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
Back massage
Bear Hugs
A parker pen
TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order)
I am a boy
I am a girl
Renu loves me
THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU
Smile
Intelligence
Voice
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW
Sleep
Lights off
Dream
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING
Chairman of Microsoft
President of United States of India
Thief (To steal Renu’s heart)
THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION
Afghanistan and play Bomb-Bomb with Osama
Russia and play lawn tennis with Anna Kournikova
Extra Innings Show and sit next to Mandira Bedi
THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKED
woink
Gwoink
Bloink
THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
Bowl to Sachin Tendulkar
Bite Mike Tyson’s Ears
Salsa with Amanda Estilo
THREE PEOPLE YOU ARE TAGGING NOW
Salma Hayek – www.salmahayek.com
Penelope Cruz – www.penelopecruz.com
Sania Mirza – www.chronicwriter-girlfriend.com

Wanna take this tag?
You can...

-Chronicwriter

May 25, 2008

176. Day and Night

I have often asked the question to myself... Why do we have day and night? What made God to create such a sequence? Why does it get dark in the night and Why is it so bright in the day time?

I have thought about this question right from my childhood days; sitting in the classroom, while playing, while hogging and even while taking bath... Finally some day -last year I got the answer to this question when I was in the Loo.

Day and Night
When God created the earth, He saw it empty and hence He created the Oceans and Land. Still He was not really happy with What he created and so he created some trees.Still God wanted a twist in his creation and so he pondered for a while and finally said in a Loud Voice,"Let there be Light"... Immediately The SUN appeared from no-where and smiled with great confidence. Immediately God said,"Let there be Animals".. Immediately Britney Spears, George Bush, Mike Tyson,Osama Bin Laden, Michael Jackson,Pamela Anderson emerged from the Bushes and started running around the land...
God had a great shock and he immediately said," Let there be darkness".At once, the sky became dark, stars appeared in the sky and moon slowly peeped-in from behind the clouds.God was happy cos he did not have to see the animals with his eyes now.God also gave some finishing touches to the moon and as a result, the moon started to shrink every 24 hours. Nights went by and one night, the moon completely disappeared (New Moon)... God waited and waited; but moon was not to be seen. So he fine tuned some stars and they started to twinkle.God could see what was happening in Land now. He was again shocked because certain animals took advantage of complete darkness and started their own activities. The culprits, this time were Monica Lewinsky, Bill Clinton. God made a report of their activity...As the moon went into a hiding that night, and God caught Monica and Bill using the STARS, the report later came to be called as the STARR report...A few other culprits were also noticed by God... Paris Hilton was one among them..
God wanted to put a full stop to all these. So he made Day and night to follow each other.I guess I have found the answer to the never-to-be-solved question...
-Chronicwriter

May 24, 2008

174. Chronicwriter's daily routine

What do I do on a every day basis?
Every one have their own daily routine and it is very hard to change the routine. My routine has been dynamic ever since I stepped foot on Mother earth ( I was three months, When I first fell out of my cradle and set my foot on the ground). I have never had a solid time table that I followed on a day-to-day basis. But every country dog has its day. Mine came when I embraced the IT world. Things were never dynamic. For the last two years, I am going through the same routine each and every single day.

My Daily Routine

My day starts exactly at 6 a.m.when Shakin' Stevens starts singing "You drive me crazy" through my Mobile phone. Oh Yea!!! That is my alarm tone. My hand automatically moves from under the blanket, finds the alarm snooze button and presses it accurately.Over the past two years, I have become an expert in switching off the alarm with my eyes closed(even in my sleep). This process of snoozing goes on till 7.15 a.m; because that is the exact time when my bum willbe spanked by my roomie.

7.30 a.m is the exact time my official conveyance reaches my place and hence I have very little time to brush my teeth,complete the metabolic activity,Iron my clothes, take bath, Apply soap on my body, Apply shampoo on my balding head, dab my underarm with some kick-Axe effect and change into my formal attire that includes knotting tie.Still I haven't figured the right way of knotting the tie. I tie it around my neck in a fashion that is very similar to Paris Hilton's Tube tops. ( I feel sorry for the guys who come here for some Hot paris hilton stuff)

I somehow manage to catch the conveyance and the one hour long drive to office starts off. As soon as I get into the vehicle I doze off. The driver wakes me up at 8.30 a.m and I find myself in my office. Work place is one place where the real devil in me reveals his shades in true eastman colour.

8.30 a.m : I log into my system (The boot time makes me impatient. I walk around and disturb my colleagues in the mean while)

8.35 a.m : I come back to my seat and Check my blogger comment section and reply to all the comments. I hop around my blog-mate circle and comment like a beggar vomiting on George Bush's mouth.

9.00 a.m : I raise my arms and spread the Axe-effect around

9.01 a.m : After getting dirty stares from the babes at work, I move to the pantry to munch on some chocolates and biscuits.

9.30 a.m : Long tea break is over and hence it is time to commence work.I open my Task list and in the process of reading through it, I get confused

9.35 a.m : Log into Orkut. Didja believe that? A guy getting Fraaansheep requests. Thanks to the Blog. Reply to scraps.

10.30 a.m: Quite tired after one hour of orkutting. So Time for a break. I send a invitation to all the nutty co workers and everyone head towards the pantry. Laughter follows. This is the long tea break

11.30 a.m: Boss calls for team meeting. Team meeting is a place where everyone talks like the proceedings in the parliament.

12.noon: Come back to seat and check my Blog again.

12.30 p.m: Lunch time

1:30 p.m: Lunch should be followed by dessert.

2:00 p.m: Dessert should be followed by a long walk. The nutty gang joins in for the fifteen minute walk around office

2: 15 p.m: Back to office. Time for a small nap

3.30 p.m: What a sweet dream.** Yawn**. I am awake now. I look into my computer screen. Some mails ( Loads of forwarded mails and a couple of work related mails). Forwarded mails get the first priority.

4.30 p.m: Time to check my work related mails. (Only one hour more for the day to get over. Yeah my work timing is from 8:30 a.m to 5:30 p.m). Slog.. Slog.. Slog till 5.30 p.m

5.30 p.m: Get back into the conveyance vehicle and get back into slumberland

6.30 p.m: Time to give some work to my mobile phone. Make prank calls to my friends

8 p.m: Dinner time

8:30 p.m: Back to bed ( Thoughts running wild.. What should I post tomorrow?)

I really do not know when exactly I doze off. I am trying to figure that out soon

-Chronicwriter

May 23, 2008

173. My matrimonial Ad

Solitaire is an exceptionally talented girl with a mind that travels across space and time, She made us all to write a matrimonial Ad in her Wonderful blog . She also gave a structured template that I had to use to frame my matrimonial ad.


Here is my matrimonial ad: (Mr.X played a major part in devising this ad)




WANTED a Hawt chick ( Temperatures always soaring above 100 F) with a sweet voice, female for a handsome (yes he has two hands),funny (not a joker though) and a writer ( Mind you he writes on any surface) male.He always stood first in his school (Thanks to his height) and stands a total of 165 cms. (Sachin Tendulkar’s height). He also has a six pack (Already consumed four packs and the remaining 2 packs of family ice-cream would be consumed this weekend)

Comes from an Indian family born to an Indian Father and an Indian mother.Father is a Scientist (He designs rockets) and mother is a Home maker (She doesn’t build any homes though) and has a sister.


His hobbies include blogging, singing, tuning the guitar and cleaning the guitar, dancing (he calls himself a good salsa dancer. His partner doesn’t agree with him though). He earns his living by talking and talking.


Would prefer a Blogger, singer (who can dance when asked to).Preferably a woman.Must be sweet (He wont lick and test), should come from a funny family (jokers are not entertained though).Preferred Vital stats = 40-30-40.Should serve coffee in bed and should massage his back when ever asked to. If her name is Renu, her chances of getting selected is more.
Remember, the applicant was born on the thirteenth of Friday. (It was a good Friday too)Applications without photos will not be entertained.

Attached is a recent pic of the man mentioned in this Ad.

He will soon add two more pictures of himself after he gives the finishing touches to the fotos in photoshop.
Do you wanna be his girl?

-Chronicwriter

May 22, 2008

172. Headlines this week

I came across a few NEWS headlines and I immediately wanted to write a post on them. These are headlines that we come across almost every other day in our day-to-day life.I have added a few headlines that caught my attention and my alter Ego, "Mr.X" (Hope you guys still remember him) wanted to give his own views on each of these headlines.
So here he goes...

1)Lie detectors to catch 'sick' employees
Does all sick people tell lies?
What will happen to the emploees once they are caught?
Will they be asked to kneel down?
What if the employer falls sick?
What if the lie detector becomes sick?
2)Keyboards dirtier than toilet seats
I agree with this headline 100%. I could not find any difference between my toilet seat and my keyboard. BTW who did this survey?
3)Singapore top place to work
Now I am liking this survey very much
4)Workplace romance impacts quality of work
My team is full of men. What should I do? I am perfectly straight, though I have a doubt that I might be a lesbian
5)Coconut-plucking : New career option
Will an experience in plucking mangoes(rather stealing mangoes) help?
6)Women divers make a mark
Hope they do not make a mark on my bum
7)Britney and Mel together on a holiday
Shucks... Leave the kids alone...
8)Buffy strips for a cause
Why did she strip? What was the effect?
I guess It is high time that I tried something like this

-Chronicwriter

May 21, 2008

171.Hot Britney Spears pictures

Are you trying to figure out why I have such a peculiar heading to this post?
Keep reading...

When I received a mail recently that my daily page hit has crossed 300, I was very very happy. I should have stopped right there. Out of curiosity I tried to find out the means through which the readers approach this blog.I was stunned when I found the results.Out of the 300 page hits only 5 % leave a comment on my page. This 5% constitute regular readers of the blog and also my blogmates. The remaining 95 % end up reading my blog either through reference or as a punishment for the sinful deeds in their previous birth.The most common router is the Search Engine, and Google has acted as the biggest aid in this case. The most common keywords used by readers to approach my page are

1) Mallika Sherawat in wet Saree.
The only picture of Mallika Sherawat that I have in my blog will even give shock waves to the actress herself because she is fully covered in that particular picture. I feel sorry for the expectant souls who came here to view some wet pictures.

2) Mandira Bedi's %**%$
Man! What do you think about my blog?

3) Wet Underskirt pictures
I really appreciate the creative brains that worked on such a keyword.

4)Kate Winslet Nude in bed
Hahaha... My Oh My... Jeremy's artwork would have given you guys the answer

5) A walk to remember
For once I was happy.. I just read that post once again

6) Jessica Alba niBBles
What is he going to do by knowing what Jessica Alba nibbles, eats and drinks?
Or Did the searcher had some other idea in his mind? Was he not as innocent as me?

7) Hot Britney Spears pictures
This particular fellow doesn't have any taste

That explains the reason behind the title of the post. Guys Thank you for hopping down to my blog. Happy reading... If there is a dissonance in your mind because the content is entirely different from what you expected, please forgive me. You can continue your creative hunting. Anyways Thank you for stopping by.

-Chronicwriter

May 20, 2008

170. Dare-Copy-Cat-Act

Warning: Not to be followed by present day kids.

Remember those college days. The most fun filled phase in our life. I stepped my right foot inside my college on a rainy day (October 3 ,1999). The memory is still fresh in my memory. I saw a whole bunch of hyper-fun-craved souls eager to take a ride on a 4 year course called Engineering.Renu was not physically present with me at that time. But she occupied the entire breadth and depth of my mind.
The next four years gave me the best experience I could have ever dreamt of. I had friends from different parts of the globe. Some big and some small like me. Some nutty ones and some bad bozos. The class room lectures, the ragging sessions, fun in the hostel, bunking for a living, exam time, combined studies, college tours, sports events, dance and musical shows are still fresh in my memory.

After nine years, I went back to my college to refresh my memories. Believe it or not, I experienced Goosebumps for the whole two hours I spent inside the college.Two of my classmates, "Bernard and Ram" accompanied me to college that day. We went and sat in our classrooms. We could picturize our lecturers scribbling on the board. We also searched in the benches for the great inscriptions that were carved by us in those days. Finally When I saw the words ," Leena" Inscribed in one of the benches, a smile curved around my lips. Leena was my "process control" professor. Then we went to the canteen and had food. The quality of the food is stil the same. We went to the hostel which was inhabited by the present day college kids. I went to my room and sat on my bed. I can't describe the feeling.

We even went to the college auditorium. The last time I went there was for my farewell speech. Each and every single word that I spoke five years back flashed across my mind.As the emotions were getting on a high, we three guys decided to enact a few acts that we did in our college days. We wanted to capture it on camera and wanted to have it for our memory's sake. We wanted to do lot of things that we did during our college days.

But finally we settled for the Dare-Copy-Cat Act. This act was the dangerous of all the hyper active stunts that we did in our nutty days.We used to do this act when ever we had examinations in college. Each examination lasts for a whole long three hours. A few of us were very quick in the answering process and hence we would be out of the examination hall within an hour. The next two hours is spent on the Dare-Copy-Cat Act. The act was a three step process

1) Writing answers for the examination questions in a small chit of paper.
2) Passing the chits to fellow students ( through the windows in the classrooms) who needed our valuable help
3) Escaping from the action scene sans getting caught by the professors.
But there was a big complication always. The examination normally happens in the first floor of the building and hence the act also involved a lot of climbing and jumping to do. We have had bruises and ligament-eruptions on such occassions.
Finally we caught the whole act on camera...


The Ambulance pictures and the crying-agony pictures are not added here for the author's own well being.Children are requested not to try this at home/school/college and even in their blogs.
-Chronicwriter

May 19, 2008

169. Jolena speaks

Hi Uncles, Aunties, Big Brothers, Big Sisters, Grannies, Grandpas and my dear toddler friends,
My name is Jolena. I am the Godchild of the owner of this Blog.Well my uncle is really naughty. He is my momma's younger brother and I call him maamaa. When ever he speaks to me over the phone, all I do is lick the phone and run away. I have only seen him through this blog and through the photos that my momma shows me every now and then. Hope he comes and sees me sometime soon. Well I am here today to talk about myself. I celebrated my first birthday last week ( May 8-2008). In India, it was the 9th of may. So does that mean I have two birthdays? These grown-ups just complicate things. Do you wanna see some of my birthday fotos? I am gonna show you some. Here you go...

That is my anna (Brother) dancing for me. My momma says that my maamaa dances well. But according to me , my anna is the best dancer in the whole world. See his facial expressions, his hand-eye-leg coordination.

Here I am.. Standing and admiring my anna dancing to glory. Even I wanna dance like him. But I just started walking a couple of months back. What if I fall down?

Thats enough anna.. You have danced too much. You might take the limelite away from me if you go on dancing like this. Today is MYYYYYYYY birthday


Sowieeee annaaa. Did I hurt you so much?? Wokey.. Have this kissshh.. Muahhhh...

My anna is a great artist. My maamaa wrote about his artistic skills HERE. If I draw better than my anna, my maamaa would write about me too.

My momma asked me to wear this cap. Now I can't see anything.


Now I am walking like a crab. I always do; the only difference is I do not know where I am heading to...

Wow. Now I have become an expert in walking with my eyes closed. But am I walking in circles?

Well , Let me try my hand in basketball. Momma says, No basket ball in the living room. But today is my birthday and I make the rules at home...

I found this thing while I was crawling. I don't know if I could put it in my mouth.

My dad said that I look like my momma in this snap...

Can you see my ears? They pierced it. Funny people. They make me wear all these stuff. Going back memory lane, I can still remember the day when that uncle pierced my ears. He promised me that It wont hurt. But it was a big fat lie. Infact it hurt me very much and I cried big time.

Wooh. Do I look cool... But why is anna looking different today? Anna!!!! You look like a blue doll.

Mommaa!!!! Anna's face and dress are matching matching.. Even I wanna be like that...

Anna! Why are you laffing like that? Are you making fun of me? Gosh!!! Even your teeth is blue in colour.
Now this is my birthday dress.. My anna's tennis raquet is also seen in this foto...
Anna is also dressing up for the occassion. Btw How is my pose?
One day even I will have more teeth.
Look into my eyes, I say....

I guess I just soiled my diapers....
I am scratching my thumb.. Did you see my bangles?

It is very tuff to walk in this attire. Momma says that it is called "pattu pavadai"
Ok. It was a tiring walk. I am gonna take some rest...

Can I fly like that balloon?

Crawling is better than walking... I am so happy today...
Maamaa! I am starting to speak these days... Momma finds it hard to understand my language... I guess I have to start speaking her language...
Thats all folks...
-Jolena

May 18, 2008

168. S.C.A.N.

Being a big fan of MJ, I never allowed anyone to talk ill of my all time favorite singer and dancer. I tried every possible way to imitate my legendish idol for all the wierd reasons. When My friends started cornering him for his allegations regarding Child abuse, I used to defend him with my own statements," MJ never molested any kid. He made love to them".Those days we just laughed it out.But the last two years made me realise that Child abuse is not a joke to laugh at.We never know who is abusing our child. Might be someone we know very well too. I would not bear it if some little kid in my family ends up as the victim. Gone were those days when we loved when someone pampered our child.Its an irky feeling that has creeped in me because I am not in a position to believe anyone around me.

What is child abuse?
1) Verbally abusing child
2) Teasing a child unnecessarily
3) Exposing a child to pornographic acts or literature.
4) Touching a child where he /she does not want to be touched.
5) Forcing a child to touch you.
6) Manipulating a child.
7) Using a child as a servant.
8)Hitting a child.


I would not appreciate anyone doing any such acts on my children.

I came across these two pictures and I just wanted to add them here.


Lets us Stop Child Abuse Now. I enjoyed my childhood days. I still remember those days.Playing with other little kids Fresh in my memories. Are the present day kids safe ?

It shouldn't hurt to be a child...


After all, Every Child is special

- Chronicwriter

May 17, 2008

May 16, 2008

166.Anyone can be a model


Reid and Taylor pulled in Amitabh-Big B to be their brand ambassador for their suitings range.
Pierce Brosnan had been endorsing the same range for a while. His association with the brand rhymed well with R&T's tag line, "Bond with the Best". Somehow I get the feeling that Reid and Taylor has a strong bondage with the letter B. These two Bs played a significant role in the good brand performance.
Indian Textile brands have either gone for a Cine-personality or for a Cricket star for promoting their brands.The following pictures says it all.
Salman Khan sporting his Mayur suitings. A very rare picture of him with his dress on.

Akshay is seen here in this picture endorsing Grasim suitings.


Remember the first ads that graced the Indian audience in the early 70s? Pataudi endorsing Gwalior suitings.

Ad agencies failed to realise that Indian audience kept on admiring their favorite stars and were not giving major attention to the message conveyed through the ads. The complete man venture by Raymonds took advertising to a new level in India. Unfamiliar faces started wearing the suitings and were gracing the media and it really made a great impact on the viewers' minds too.These guys were a new breed of models who were camera shy and never looked into the camera. Still Raymonds was successful in conveying the message across to the audience with their wonderful jingle.

Well if little known guys can make a big impact in the world of advertising, Why can't a little guy like me shine in front of the camera? I just travelled a few places and posed all by myself for these three clicks. I hope atleast the local - vest- brand from my home town endorses me for their product.



Now you would have realised that the whole post was written just to post these three pictures of mine in my blog. Cheap mentality right? BTW, I came across this shocking picture of Mallika Sherawat.

This is the first ever time I am seeing her properly dressed. No wonder I am shocked.

-Chronicwriter

May 15, 2008

165. Bonded for life

I am amazed at the creativity behind certain ads.
O & M's fevicol ad is a puller indeed.

A few fevicol ads are added here for viewer satisfaction.



It would be insane from my part to keep mum.
A big kudos to the creative brain behind these creative ads.

Taking a leaf out of these creative ads, I just wanted to introduce my own brand ambassador for a possible- future-fevicol ad. The name of my brand ambassador is Shilpa. She is a tortoise. I am using her to endorse the ad

Her shell is bonded to her body thanks to fevicol. Hope Menaka Gandhi does not file a suit against me for sticking that shield on Shilpa's smooth back.

-Chronicwriter