Nov 26, 2008

270. I hate to say this...

Farewells!!! I hate them... I cried when school ended.. I had tears in my eyes when college life came to a halt and now I don't cry anymore. I have a numb feeling today

I am entering a different phase in my life. Am I going to wander in forests to understand myself? Am I entering the African Jungles? Why this sudden decision? Self actualisation?Lots of questions with a few answers... I won't leave for ever... I will be back in a year or two






I am not gonna quit writing. My pen and paper will accompany me.I recorded this song for my readers.John Denver should forgive me.





Hope you enjoyed the song.

The girl in the picture has promised that she would wear her tops, only when i return.. Should I come back soon?

-Chronicwriter

Nov 25, 2008

269. How to fall in love?

For Men
How to make a girl fall in love with you!!!

1) Sing for her


2)Cook for her


3)Dance for her



4)Play the guitar for her

5)Write poetry for her

6)Take her for long drives

7)Pamper her

8)Whisper sweet nothings into her ear

9) Give her flowers

10) Treat her like a princess


For Women
How to make a Man fall in love with you!!!

Just smile at him


Game Over.
-Chronicwriter

Nov 23, 2008

268. The yellow shirt

Note: This is another story from the Unknown-author series. Why am I coming up with such stories? I'll tell the answer soon.

The Yellow shirt
The baggy yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away.


You're not taking that old thing, are you?" Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt. "I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954!" "It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class, Mom.Thanks!"

I slipped it into my suitcase before she could object.The yellow shirt became a part of my college wardrobe. I loved it. After graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned.

The next year, I married. When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow shirt during big-belly days. I missed Mom and the rest of my family,since we were in Colorado and they were in Illinois. But that shirt helped. I smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was pregnant, 15 years earlier.

That Christmas, mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I patched one elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to Mom. When Mom wrote to thank me for her "real" gifts, she said the yellow shirt was lovely. She never mentioned it again.
The next year , my husband, daughter and I stopped at Mom and Dad's to pick up some furniture. Days later, when we uncrated the kitchen table,I noticed something yellow taped to its bottom. The shirt! And so the pattern was set.On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under Mom and Dad'smattress.

I don't know how long it took for her to find it, but almost two years passed before I discovered it under the base of our living-room floor lamp. The yellow shirt was just what I needed now while refinishing furniture. The walnut stains added character.

In 1975 my husband and I divorced. With my three children, I prepared to move back to Illinois. As I packed, a deep depression overtook me. I wondered if I could make it on my own. I wondered if I would find a job.I paged through the Bible, looking for comfort. In Ephesians, I read,"So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks, and when it is all over, you will be standing up." I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the stained yellow shirt.

Slowly, it dawned on me. Wasn't my mother's love apiece of God's armor? My courage was renewed.Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother.The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer.Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station.

A year later I discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet.Something new had been added. Embroidered in bright green across the breast pocket were the works "I BELONG TO PAT." Not to be outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an apostrophe and seven moreletters.

Now the shirt proudly proclaimed, "I BELONG TO PAT'S MOTHER."But I didn't stop there. I zigzagged all the frayed seams, then had a friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom from Arlington, VA. We enclosed an official-looking letter from "The Institute for the Destitute," announcing that she was the recipient of an award for good deeds.


I would have given anything to see Mom's face when she opened the box.But, of course, she never mentioned it. Two years later, in 1978, I remarried. The day of our wedding, Harold and I put our car in a friend's garage to avoid practical jokers. After the wedding, while my husband drove us to our honeymoon suite, I reached for a pillow in the car to rest my head. It felt lumpy. I unzipped the case and found,wrapped in wedding paper, the yellow shirt.

Inside a pocket was a note:"Read John 14: 27-29. I love you both, Mother."
The shirt was Mother's final gift. She had known for three months that she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease. Mother died the following year atage 57. I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave.

But I'm glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I played for 16 years. Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring in art. And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirtwith big pockets.

- Author Unknown

Nov 20, 2008

267.Crack the nut please

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. Something I have and YOU want?
4. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it?
5. Describe me in one word.
6. What was your first impression of me?
7. Do you still think that way about me now?
8. What reminds you of me?
9. If you could give me anything what would it be?
10. How well do you know me?
11. How do you see me in the future?
12. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn’t?
13. Are you going to post this in your blog and see what I say about you?



This is the most popular tag in the blog-village.I myself commented for around 15 posts on this tag and I am now greedy for your comments.


Please crack the nut...

-Chronicwriter

Nov 19, 2008

266. The empty egg

Shane was born with a twisted body and a slow mind. At the age of 12 he was still in second grade, seemingly unable to learn. His teacher, DorisMiller, often became exasperated with him. He would squirm in his seat, drool, and make grunting noises.

At other times, he spoke clearly and distinctly, as if a spot of light had penetrated the darkness of his brain. Most of the time, however, Shane just irritated his teacher.One day she called his parents and asked them to come in for a consultation. As the Davids entered the empty classroom, Doris said to them, "Shane really belongs in a special school. It isn't fair to him to be with younger children who don't have learning problems.

Why, there is a five year gap between his age and that of the other students."Mrs. David cried softly into a tissue, while her husband spoke. "Miss Miller," he said, "there is no school of that kind nearby. It would be a terrible shock for Shane if we had to take him out of this school. We know he really likes it here." Doris sat for a long time after they had left, staring at the snow outside the window. Its coldness seemed to seep into her soul.


She wanted to sympathize with the Davids. After all, their only child had a terminal illness. But it wasn't fair to keep him in her class. She had 18 other youngsters to teach, and Shane was a distraction. Furthermore, he would never learnto read and write. Why waste any more time trying?As she pondered the situation, guilt washed over her. Here I am complaining when my problems are nothing compared to that poor family, she thought. Lord, please help me to be more patient with Shane.

From that day on, she tried hard to ignore Shane's noises and his blank stares. Then one day, he limped to her desk, dragging his bad leg behindhim."I love you, Miss Miller," he exclaimed, loud enough for the whole classto hear. The other students snickered, and Doris' face turned red. Shestammered, "Wh-why that's very nice, Shane. N-now please take your seat."

Spring came, and the children talked excitedly about the coming of Easter. Doris told them the story of Jesus, and then to emphasize the idea of new life springing forth, she gave each of the children a large plastic egg. "Now," she said to them, "I want you to take this home and bring it back tomorrow with something inside that shows new life.

Do you understand?""Yes, Miss Miller," the children responded enthusiastically-all except for Shane. He listened intently; his eyes never left her face. He did not even make his usual noises. Had he understood what she had said about Jesus' death and resurrection? Did he understand the assignment?Perhaps she should call his parents and explain the project to them.

That evening, Doris' kitchen sink stopped up. She called the landlord and waited an hour for him to come by and unclog it. After that, she still had to shop for groceries, iron a blouse, and prepare a vocabulary test for the next day. She completely forgot about phoning Shane's parents.The next morning, 19 children came to school, laughing and talking as they placed their eggs in the large wicker basket on Miss Miller's desk.After they completed their math lesson, it was time to open the eggs.

In the first egg, Doris found a flower. "Oh yes, a flower is certainly a sign of new life," she said. "When plants peek through the ground, we know that spring is here." A small girl in the first row waved her arm. "That's my egg, Miss Miller," she called out.

The next egg contained a plastic butterfly, which looked very real. Doris held it up. "We all know that a caterpillar changes and grows into a beautiful butterfly. Yes, that's new life, too." Little Judy smiled proudly and said, "Miss Miller, that one is mine."

Next, Doris found a rock with moss on it. Sheexplained that moss, too, showed life. Billy spoke up from the back of the classroom, "My daddy helped me," he beamed.

Then Doris opened the fourth egg. She gasped. The egg was empty. Surely it must be Shane's she thought, and of course, he did not understandher instructions. If only she had not forgotten to phone his parents. Because she did not want to embarrass him, she quietly set the egg aside and reached for another.



Suddenly, Shane spoke up. "Miss Miller, aren't you going to talk about my egg?" Flustered, Doris replied, "But Shane,your egg is empty." He looked into her eyes and said softly, "Yes, but Jesus' tomb was empty, too."Time stopped.

When she could speak again, Doris asked him, "Do you know why the tomb was empty?" "Oh, yes," Shane said, "Jesus was killed andput in there. Then His Father raised Him up."The recess bell rang. While the children excitedly ran out to the school yard, Doris cried. The cold inside her melted completely away.


Three months later, Shane died. Those who paid their respects at the mortuary were surprised to see 19 eggs on top of his casket, all of them empty.

-Author Unknown

Nov 14, 2008

265. The wonder years

I was going through my photo album.Pictures taken when I was just a one year old kid to pictures taken till last month.I have this habit of collecting pictures(hard copies) and pasting them in collage form in albums.

But the last few years, with the advent of digital photographs and high-pixel storage capacity of computers, I seldom take a printed copy anymore. But the feeling of holding a hard copy printed picture in your hand is entirely different. I am sure everyone will agree with that.

Now coming back to this post, I decided to start a tag. The rules are very simple. Go back down your memory lane by adding your childhood pictures and write some lines that correlate to the picture. Finally when you are done with it, just tag the names of those you wish to add their childhood pictures too...I am tagging everyone who reads this post
So here we go... Major incidents in my life

I am just 12 months old(1983).
  • Started using the potty with great efficiency
  • I started walking without any support
I am three years old (1985)

  • I havent spoken a word yet. I lost my tongue a year back.The stitches are still there.Would I speak?
  • I still have curly hair. I never knew that I would the curls after my tonsure that year.
  • Love life with Renu begins
I am six years old (1988)
  • Where did my tooth go?
  • I broke my own record of bed-wetting continuously for 64 nights.
  • I have 8 girls in my love life now
I am eight years old (1990)
  • My first rock concert performance got over ( Will upload the audio soon. I do not have the video of the performance)
  • Renu is still my sweetheart, with our love intensifying like a urinary tract infection
I am Sixteen (1998)
  • I just entered class 12. Renu is so beautiful now
  • It has been three years and I still speak like Usha Udhupth. Will my voice ever become normal again?
I am eighteen (2000)
  • Why do I have this ugly goatie and this leach mush? I just cut my hair short
  • I am doing my second year engineering.I have a back-paper too (Laplace Theorem -Mathematics)
I am twenty one (2003)
  • I have started walking again. I had a major operation in my leg two years back. God is gracious
  • I am out of Engineering college.
  • Renu is still in my memories
I am Twenty three (2005)
  • I am doing my MBA now
  • Renu is married
I am twenty five now (2007)
  • Two years in the software Industry as a Business Analyst
  • I am diving into the Ad field now.
  • I started my own blog this year.
Today
I sit in front of the computer and type this...
Note:I am growing my hair again

-Chronicwriter

Nov 12, 2008

264. The naked truth

62% of the people who read my previous post wanted to see me exposing myself.I was really happy. 62% of a total of 82 people who attended the poll = 52 People.The remaining 38%= 30 people

I was glad to know that many wanted me to strip for a social cause and do a Marilyn Manroe stunt. I took a closer look of the poll results. I was shocked to know that 40 out of the 52 people were Men. "Why me?", I was about to cry. But then, they say that Men don't cry! So I looked at the No column.22 out of the 30 people who did not want me to expose were women.That is when I realised that most women were possessive about me and they did not want me to expose in public.

But based on the general popular demand, I thought it was high time to shed my clothes for the great pose.I decided to buy a skirt. But as only 62% wanted me to expose, I decided to expose only 62% of my skin and hence the skirt I thought to use for my stunt was quite different from Manroe's skirt.I chose the two side slit skirt

In order to get the same effect as shown in the picture, I first waxed my feet. It was a painful experience..When I was ready, I wore my skirt and went to the soccer stadium in my town. I called a girl and asked her to take a picture of me. She started to scream when she saw me in that pose.

Police... Jeep... Arrested at Gun point... Three days in Prison... Behind Bars... That explains my absence from the Blog world for three days

-Chronicwriter

Nov 8, 2008

263. When the camera smiles

In the last 24 hours,I received a few phone calls from my friends.I received a few mails from anonymous people.I even received some text messages from random numbers.

All of them had only one thing to say. "Chriz ! You are using your niece and nephew to gain popularity". This made me to think.One person even went on to the extent of blaming me by saying," Hey nerdy guy! You are over exposing the kids for your fame"...

Well! I finally took a decision. I am gonna expose myself in my next post. It is not going to be an ordinary exposure. This exposure of mine would go down in the history books as one of the greatest ever exposures of all time. For the first time in the History of mankind, a Man is going to perform a Marilyn Monroe posture for a photo shoot.
I can't do it alone. I need your support. If you feel that I should expose myself please say Yes to the poll here. I will expose only with your permission. Any tips on posing can also be given in the comments section.



-Chronicwriter

Nov 7, 2008

262. Commando Training

"War: that mad game the world so loves to play."
- Jonathan Swift
As a kid, I wanted to become a secret agent.I had the secret agent spirit running in my blood.When I was in Kindergarden I was in love with three girls at the same time (that included my kindergarden teacher too). I kept it as a secret and all three never came to know about the love I had for them.

Once when I was in class three, my childhood nemesis "Shabir" punched my friend Rahul on his nose.That act angered me.
I clenched my fists.
Blood boiled inside my tummy.
I wanted to punch Shabir and make him say"Oh mummy".
I frowned at him with anger. My eye's turned red with fury. Shabir was seeing a different me that day.
Shabir immediately landed another punch on Rahul's face and that made me to calm down. Thats when I realised that I had the power to control my anger.
As I look back I realise that I did not become a secret agent nor a Rogue. "Did I lose anything? ", I was thinking to myself and my phone rang.
It was Jeremy"My nephew"
Me: Hi baby. howdie?
Jer: Hello mama! I am fine. I want to tell you something
Me: What is it?
Jer:Me and Jolena have become celebrities in school after we ssaved the country by breaking the purple red or yellow code
Me: Thats really good.
Jer: But Some senior students from class one are jealous about my achievement
Me: Why are they jealous
Jer:Because they could not tolerate a junior ( A kindergarten boy) achieving this victory
Me: So What are you gonna do?
Jer: Two of my seniors have challenged me to fight with me
Me: Two guys against one? Thats unfair
Jer: No! It is two against two. Jolena will be my tag team partner
Me: But she can only bite. Can she fight?
Jer: I am teaching her some tricks and she is sure learning fast
Me: Is it? What tricks?
Jer: The monkey one eye pinch, the high pitch scream, the frog jump, The tiger attack head roll...
Me: The tiger attack head roll? Thats a pretty dangerous stunt! Are you teaching Jolena that stunt too?
Jer: Yes. I am teaching her. She is learning it too. But she has not got the secret behind the trick yet.
Me: What is the secret?
Jer: First we have to jump and land on our heads
Me: Oh. Is it?
Jer: Yes and then we have to balance on our head and raise our legs and do a somersault
Me: That sounds really thrilling. Is it Safe for Jolena to do it?
Jer: As a big brother, I know what is safe for my sister! She does all the steps perfectly. She runs, lands on the head. But instead of lifting the legs, she is lifting the hands.
Me: Thats sad
Jer: But She has the spirit in her. She would do that. Check this video mama. Let me get back to some training.
-Chronicwriter

Nov 6, 2008

261.The fight for the chair

The 1994 world cup soccer finals between Brazil and Italy ended in a Goal-less draw. I was watching that match in Doordarshan on TV. Just when I thought that the world cup would be shared by both Brazil and Italy, I saw the match taking a new turn with the penatly shootout. Brazil eventually won when Roberto Baggio ballooned his kick over the bar.

I understood that big prizes are not for sharing and there is only one winner in most cases.

Most of us would remember that kindergarden story about a monkey dividing a cake for two cats. The cats ended up as just mere spectators and the monkey ate the full cake.

The reason why I stated these two examples is just to explain the fact that When two people achieve something great, they should not be given a single Prize and asked to share it between them. this is What happened to Jeremy and Jolena.

  1. Jeremy and Jolena saved our country HERE.
  2. The Prime minister of the country praised their efforts and presented them with His Royal Chair HERE.

But Why did he just present one Chair?

He should have presented two chairs for the kids. Jeremy and Jolena ended up having a heated conversation in deciding who is eligible for sitting in the chair.See the deadly debate here.

-Chronicwriter

Nov 5, 2008

260. The Waltz Dance

I was just yawning to glory after watching yet another movie when my phone rang. Yes it was him again. It was Bunny. Thats how I call him. For those who are wondering who Bunny is, Please check this. Yes he is the Prime minister of the country and he happens to be a friend of mine.


I picked up the phone and this is what happened

PM: Hey Chrissy How are you

Me: Hey bunny. I am fine . How are you

PM: I am fine. I want to thank you for the big help that your niece and nephew did for saving the country.
Me: Ok! Dont drag on. Come to the point (With lot of attitude)
PM: I just want to thank them by giving them a present.
Me:Is it? Cool!!! and what would that be?
PM: It is my Royal Throne. I am gonna present to them for their valiant effort in saving the country.
Me: Thats Good. Send it to them. Now I am getting another call from Sania Mirza. So can you please keep the phone.

He kept the phone and I went into a romantic conversation with SM. I had a great night. I am not gonna post the conversation I had with SM.

The very next day, the royal throne of the prime minister was handed over to Jeremy and Jolena. On seeing the throne, the kids were very happy and they started performing a waltz dance to show their happiness.


Check this video:

1) Check the blue colour royal throne in the video
2) Check Jolena's efforts to sit in the royal throne and also see how Jeremy tackles the situation
3)Watch the climax of the video where a powerful rock-bottom is delivered to Jolena
4)and do not forget to watch their cool waltz dance moves

-Chronicwriter

Nov 4, 2008

259. Shake your Hips Baby

Jeremy (my nephew) and Jolena(my niece) have been selected by the IDC (Intenational Dubakoor Council) to perform a dance at the US-President swEAring in ceremony.

The kids are practising hard and they are gonna put up a great performance. A very rare video (40 seconds) of their practise session is captured here. Check it out.

-Chronicwriter

Nov 3, 2008

258. I cannot come to the banquet

A Rich man once gave a big banquet, and invited many people; and at the time for the banquet he sent his servant to say to those who had been invited, ‘Come; The banquet is now ready.’ But they all alike began to make excuses.

Then the householder in anger said to his servant, ‘Go out quickly to the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in the poor ,mute, blind and lame.’ And the servant said, ‘Sir, what you commanded has been done, and still there is room.’ And the master said to the servant, ‘Go out to the highways and hedges, and compel people to come in, that my house may be filled. For I tell you, none of those men who were invited shall taste my banquet.’
- Taken from the Gospel of Luke.

We are living in a world full of sin, hatred,lust and Greed. It is very difficult for us to be pure in such a world filled with all forms of vices. Falling for the vices is very easy. But staying away from it , indeed needs great mental strength and faith in oneself as well as faith in God.Every good deed has its final virtue. A Good man always finds his Peace.Let us keep ourselves clean

MICHTAM ( A christian Gospel group- It includes the author of the blog, His mom, His sister and her hubby) presents the song

"I cannot come to the Banquet".


The lyrics of the song is added here
1)A certain man held a feast on his fine estate in town.
He laid a festive table and wore a wedding gown.
He sent invitations to his neighbours far and wide
but when the meal was ready, each of them replied:

I cannot come to the banquet, I cannot come to the banquet,don't trouble me now.I have married a wife; I have bought me a cow.I have fields and commitments that cost a pretty sum.Pray, hold me excused, I cannot come.

2)The master rose up in anger, called his servant by name,said:
"Go into the town, fetch the blind and the lame,
fetch the peasant and the pauper, for this I have willed,
my banquet seem so crowded, and my table must be filled.


3)When all the poor had assembled, there was still room to spare,
so the master demanded: "Go search every where,
to the highways and the byways and force them to come in.
My table must be filled before the banquet can begin.


4)Now God has written a lesson for the rest of the mankind;
If we're slow a responding, he may leave us behind.
He's preparing a banquet for that great and glorious day
when the Lord and Master calls us, be certain not to say:


-Chronicwriter

Nov 2, 2008

257. Beer Talk

I have three bottles of Beer in front of me as I type this post. I usually finish a bottle of beer in three big gulps.The lack of constant touch has made me think that I have lost my great form in Gulping Beer.

Well, today is gonna be the day. I am gonna prove all my critics wrong. I am gonna prove that my beer gulping abilities are stronger than what it used to be..

I open the first beer bottle.

Beer bottle:One, Gulp:1
The first sip is always not so good. It is just the initial sip which wets the tongue and clears the vacuum space inside the stomach.I feel rejuvenated now . The drink tastes like ginger mixed with Hot water and vinegar.I feel strong and I am pretty sure that this post is gonna be a great one


Beer bottle:One, Gulp:2
The second sip was very soothing. My throat had a cool effect. I can feel my kidneys jumping in excitement. My bladder is getting filled up. Ok I am overjoyed with the beer drinking experience that I forgot to type what I had intended to type. Let me take the third and final gulp from the first bottle

Beer bottle:One, Gulp:3
This gulp just made me sit straight. Never knew that a bottle of beer would make me active.The bottle is empty, but my bladder is full now. Newton was right.Energy can be transformed from one container to another. Wasn't it the law of conservation of energy? Did Newton come up with that finding? Whatever... It is time to open the second bottle.

Beer bottle:Two,Gulp:1

Man! I know that My capacity is great. A super strong beer and a super strong blogger. What a combination!!! By the way, My bladder is gonna overflow.
Be Right Back
Oooooh! That was heaven. But now my tummy is so empty.I need another gulp before I type today's post.

Beer bottle:Two, Gulp:2
It feels like a fresh new start. A new beginning. Am I smiling now? Does that mean I am happy? When I am happy, I always come up with great posts. Wow! I just love this feeling.

Beer bottle:Two, Gulp:3
So soon. Two bottles over.Am the new drinking champion? **Burp**
Where did that come from? It was totally not intentional. So please excuse me. ** Burp**. Again! I need one more gulp to stop this burping thingie

Beer bottle:Three, Gulp:1
This gulp should stop the burping effect. But Is my bladder full again? Man I need to go to the loo. I could experience goosebumps under my feet. Am I ok? Yes I am pretty alright. I can walk straight and I am straight too

Beer pottle:Three, Pulp:2
Why am I sitting on the floor? Am I smelling Bad? Where is the computer monitor? I can only see the keyboard.I need to frink the last gulp


Dear throttle: Free, Hulk: hehehe
Whoa! Did I throw Up? The beer is not good. French Nurse ate a butterfly. I am driving a big blue car. I can jump like a kangaroo. Scoobydoobydoo. I can't see broperlee.

-Whronicriter

Nov 1, 2008

256. Advantage -Online chatting

Remember those days? Those chat days!!! Internet-Chatting is indeed fun. I still remember those days. Days I used to chat hours together.Those were great ol' fun days.
I remember the chat-abbrevations used as a part of the conversation. ASL,LOL,ROTFL,ASL. These four abbrevations are gonna be the topic for this post.
1)ASL
It was very easy to use this abbrevation while chatting-on-line. It is not the same case when we try doing it face-to-face.

Have you ever tried asing the age/sex and location of a complete stranger on the road? If you have tried doing so, please comment about the repercussions on such occassions.
2)LOL
I was an over extensive user of this particular abbrevation. I pre/post-fix LOL to every sentence that I type when I chat online.

But on the contrary, Can we do it in real life situation. Imagine that we are travelling in a train. Suddenly we burst out laughing. What would be our situation after that?
3)ROTFL
This is a hyper version of the previous type. Roll-On-The-Floor-Laughing. I just tried a little demo of the same in the drawing room. My mom and Dad are giving me a very dirty look now.

4)LMAO
I could atleast digest and understand the previous three words, but this one is a ripper. How could I Laugh-My-Ass-Out? Is it literally possible? Don't they simply call it farting?

Readers can also share some other Chat -abbrevations that are funny and creepy when actually practised.
-Chronicwriter

Oct 31, 2008

255. Sensex

"The bear is on a rampage. Will the Bull charge back?"
This caption is a terminology used in economics. In laymen language,"When the economy is doing well, we call it the Bullish economy and when the economy is going from good to bad, we call it Bearish"


My knowledge on economics and finance is not really good. But the very little knowledge that I have on this subject is just because of one term "SENSEX".Let me take you back down memory lane and explain how "SENSEX" changed my life.


2-May-2005


I have completed one year of MBA.This day was a very crucial day of my life. I had to choose my elective papers. My course pattern indicated that I could do a dual degree. I took marketing as my Major degree.
As I could take up a dual degree, I took Information Technology as my Minor degree.An MBA in Marketing and Systems sounded really great. But after selecting all the papers, I found out that I had the liberty to choose one more paper.


The only elective that was left open was Finance. I knew that I was not born for finance. But my inner mind told me that I could do well in that subject too.I finally decided that I would do a paper in Finance too. I glanced through the various papers available under the heading "Finance".
1)Income tax 2)Security and Portfolio management 3) Sensex 4) Stock Market 5) credit analysis.

To be frank I had no idea when I read these five subject names. But one subject really caught my attention. "SENSEX". I enrolled for that class and classes started.


I was so very happy because the most beautiful lecturer in college happened to take that subject. Days went by and I realised that SENSEX had nothing to do with Sensuality and Sex. I managed to clear that paper in exams but I am really surprised cos I do not know a single thing in that subject. Just when I was about to blame the examination system of the country, I chanced upon this video




When she can win Miss Teen USA title, I am not at all ashamed of clearing my SENSEX paper
-Chronicwriter

Oct 30, 2008

254. BARKa-nusha-Dutt

Date:October 3rd 1985
Venue:A kindergarden classroom

The class teacher (CT) was asking a few questions to her three year old toddler students.

CT: Hey Nisha What do you want to become in the future?
Nisha: Ma'm I want to become a Nurse
CT: That is good. Maddy! What will you become when you grow up?
Maddy: I will become a daddy
CT: Haha..Now Renu! Tell me, what would you become?
Renu: Ma'm I want to become the future prime-minister of the nation.
CT: Thats a very good answer. Students give a big round of applaue for Renu
(Everyone clapped. I clapped too. Yes I was inside that very same class. I was clapping without knowing the meaning of two words 1.prime-minister and 2. applause)
CT: Now Chriz!Tell me what will you become in the future.
Chriz: I will come in the newspapers Ma'm
CT: Haha! Dream on you silly boy. First try to recite the 26 alphabets.

Everyone in the classroom laughed at me. That day I made a pledge. Yes! I made a pledge that I would appear on a newspaper one day.In the years that followed I was disappointed to see news on Osama,K-fed,Britney, Rakhi Sawant and even Paris Hilton flooding the newspapers.I did not lose hope and that is when I decided to go to the warfront.


The only reason why Abhinav Bhindra clinched the Gold medal for India was because I did not participate in the shooting event. Yes! I was busy in the battle field fighting againts terrorism. I was a champion shooter. My commander considered me to be an asset to the team.My gun used to do the talking all the time. On one such occassion, I was fighting against a gang of terrorists and that's when I saw her. Her name was Anusha. She was a Journalist.


She crawled and approached me. Yes she came close to me. She had a microphone in one hand and a camera in the other hand. She started interviewing me. I lost my concentration and in the process, the enemies shot me in the leg. My leg was hurt big time. But being a strong girl, Anusha carried me to a safer place and we continued with our interview.

I came to know that she calls herself "The wolf" and that she also writes a Blog.We had a long conversation. Anusha apparently is from my Home-state too,"Tamilnadu".Her interview was quite different. She did all the talking and I was asking the questions. It was fun.

29-10-2008
I woke up to read the newspaper and Yes an article about me appeared in the paper. Thank you, "Anusha-The wolf" for that awesome write-up. A future Burkha Dutt in the making.

-chronicwriter

Oct 29, 2008

253. Attitude! Girl, Attitude!!!

The Tips that were offered to men in one of my earlier posts evoked mixed reactions from all the quarters in the country. Men from different parts of the country came together (no pun intended) and started an “Anti-Chriz” community. They staged a nation wide protest in their respective houses.

Some of their slogans were,
1) Chriz is a womanizer
2) Chriz is a Chicken
3) Chriz behaves like Britney spears.


I had a heavy heart when I came to know about these slogans. The first two slogans did not trouble me at all. The 3rd slogan however scraped my heart into shreds. When ever I am down with a heavy heart, I fling myself on the bed and cry my eyes out on to the pillow.

I cried the whole of last night; and my pillow appeared like a sponge soaked in water. My mom never believed me when I tried convincing her that I was indeed crying the whole night. She has doubts that I still wet my bed during my sleep.

The male community has lost faith in me. My folks have lost faith in me. That is when I thought, I should win back my pride. In order to win back my lost-pride, I present to all of you the much awaited post (I really know, no one would have awaited for this post. But writing like that gives me pleasure. So please bear with me)

Orkut for WOMEN
This post is a special dedication for all the women around the Globe. If you follow the tips given here, the guys will be following you for ever.
Pre-Requisite: All the girls are requested to say the word “ATTITUDE” five times before proceeding any further.
Ok here we go…

How to design an Orkut profile? (For women)

Name: This is the second thing that a guy would look for when he scans through different Orkut profiles (The first thing being the gender). So all the girls are requested to type in a girl name. I have a few girl-mates with Boy names. Arun, Ryan… If you have similar names, just add the letter A at the end and make it Aruna and Ryana respectively. Also a girl’s profile name should be a mixture of upper-case letters and lowercase alphabets and some special characters.

If your name is Shiney Abraham, you should type it as “$#In3Y @Bra#Am”. Do not use much of your intelligence and add the alphabet “A” at the end of the word Abraham. You should remember that it is your surname.

About me: Remember the word ATTITUDE when you fill this section. Every single word should be filled with raw-never-care-attitude. The following line is a mandatory line. “I am not here to make Fraansheeps. So if you don’t know me, please don’t scrap me”. If you have this line in your About me section, then you are bound to have more scraps.

Gender: The first thing that a guy would look for… Be proud of your feminine nature. Even if you are a tom boy and even if you have doubts regarding your orientation, just select the word “Female”. 100 scraps are guaranteed within 24 hours.

Relationship Status: It doesn’t matter even if you are married or divorced. If you are a member of the fairer gender and if you have typed “Female” as the answer to the previous question, just select any option of your choice as an answer for this question.

Birthday: Never add your birthday. Invariably a guy would ask your birthday in the sixth or seventh scrap and that question would help you in throwing more attitude.

City: Do not write all the names of the cities you have visited in your life. If you are living in Chennai now, then type it as Chennai. If you move to Mumbai tomorrow, then change it to Mumbai. Let the guys keep on guessing.

Zip/Postal code: Any six digit number will do. You can even type in your mobile number. No one will even bother to look at this

Interested in: Don’t answer this question. Answering this question will result in a 20% decrease in potential scraps..

Children: Do you have children? Then type the number of children you have

Ethnicity: Black or white. Red or Blue, a girl always has the upper hand in Orkut.

Political view: Don’t answer this question. Be honest.

Humor:Slapstick humor goes well with boys for obvious reasons.

Fashion: You are a modern girl. Remember that.

Language: As a girl you would at least know 5 languages. Type all the languages you know.

Sexual orientation: Even if I give a tip on this one, would you choose “bicurious”?.

Smoking, drinking: Do not answer this question. Gone were those days when Guys hated girls who smoked

Living: Do not check all the options. If you do so, it would read like this, “living alone with parents and a partner with kids and friends visit often with roommates who party every night with your pets”.

Passions: Go on… Show your mettle.. I needn’t help you with this one.. Don’t ever say that Hrithik and Brad Pitt are your passions. Guys are possessive (Equally possessive like their counterparts)

Sports: Even if you have pink pyjama parties with your girl friends and play truth or dare, do not add them here. I once peeped inside my neighbor babe’s bedroom. She was playing “Truth or dare” with three of her friends”. One dare-act she performed that night still gives me sleepless nights.

Books: Just type the names of the books that are currently within 1 foot away from you. I am sure you can at least come up with five names.

Music: Don’t add any gay-boy bands. You should be inclined to heavy death metal. Are you interested in Pop? Don’t add that name.Guys love rock.

Movies: I am hundred percent sure that you drool at Hrithiks biceps and Josh Holloway’s chiseled looks. But stick on to the names of the movies that you have seen. Do not go over board and express your feelings for all the reel-heroes.

TV Shows: If you are a girl, you should have Friends, sex and the city and all the girly sitcoms that you usually watch.

Cuisine: If you do not know what cuisine is all about, just add the names of some countries in your list. Indian, Chinese, Italian, Spanish would do. Do not add names such as Iraq, Afghanistan and United States of America.

Profile picture: As long as your gender is female, you don’t have to worry about the profile picture. Leaving the space empty without a profile picture invokes mixed reactions. Guys will either think that you are drop dead gorgeous or they’d think that you are an attu figure (A look alike of briney spears/Rakhi Sawant).So this portion involves lot of pyscho-precision. Either add a picture of one of your eyes, or click a picture of your ear and post them or even add a picture of your index finger. Anything works here

Recent Visitors: Boys would of course visit your profile in large numbers. So your recent visitor’s list would always have new names everyday. Just take a picture of the recent visitors list and add that picture in your photo album with the caption “These guys are crazy about me”. It sure does give you kick.





Scraps: Remember that you are a girl and try to keep your scraps short and sweet. Do not scrap the way you talk. There should not be more than four words in a single scrap. The most important thing is never to answer any question posed by a guy. Remember you are the question-master

Fans: If you are careful enough to state that you are a member of the fairer gender, you are bound to have every Tom, Shane and Harry as your fan.(Do not ask me, who Shane is.. I am pretty sure that you are not bothered to know about Tom and Harry)

Testimonials: Just create a decent Orkut profile and don’t forget to state that you are a female. Testimonials would flood in. Add some testimonials to your friends. Invariably they would return their favor by adding a testimonial for you. Accept their testimonial, but do not forget to delete the testimonial you added for them.

Remember to flaunt with your attitude in every inch of your profile. So when you fill your profile, just remember to mutter the following sentence," I have an Attitude"

-Chronicwriter (An Ex-Orkuttian)

Oct 27, 2008

252. Cracking Diwali



I am now celebrating Diwali with my friend.
As I am travelling now, I could not come up with a long post.
Yes blogging with a mobile phone can be a pain
I am showing off with the above line to stress on two points
1) I have a mobile phone
2) I have WAP in it.
Have a great Diwali. Feel free to read my Diwali memories.


-Chronicwriter

Oct 26, 2008

251. Shiv -Ram

You know Bill Gates?
I know him too
You know Philip Koetler?
I know about him too
Sachin Tendulkar
Every one knows.
Shivram
If you do not know about him, You can know about him now

I first met him almost four and a half years back. The first impression that I had about him was, "Oh such an innocent guy". Apparently the first impression he had on me was," Oh such a loud mouthed idiot"... In due course of time my impression on him changed and I realised that he was not an innocent, calm and sullen guy but a loud mouthed beef just like me.His impression on me never changed anyways.
2004, June.

I was in college for my MBA in Rajagiri School of Management in cochin. Cochin is a city in a southern state called Kerala.Well I was new to the place and I soon found that I was the only Tamil guy in that entire college.
The whole college was flooded with Mallus, Gujjus, Marathis, Northies and even people from the north-east. But only one from Tamilnadu. Yes Thats me. After one week of college, a new guy entered college. He spoke Tamil and I realised that he was also from Tamilnadu.
I went to him extended my hand and said," Hey doood! Welcome to God's own country,and I am Chriz". He just looked into my eyes for a few seconds and slowly extended his hands," Well My name is Shivram". I knew he was feeling the pressure cos he was a new bird feeling a news breeze in a new forest.
We started having a good bond because when ever I wanted to speak in my mother tongue to someone in my college, the only person I could turn to was Shiv.Soon I realised that he was a nut cracker too.
Another common thing between us was our Masala capabilities. If a topic is given to us for presentation, we could go on talking about that subject for an hour (we wouldn't have any clue what we were talking.Our fellow students would also have no clue). I still remember a few of my class mates ,"Woody,Ghosh" who would ask doubts for our presentation too.
We had a small gang in college. We called ourselves"The sexy seven".Shiv used to hang out with us.In the picture below, the one in green is Joseph Pius Alapatt. I already blogged about him.The one on the extreme left is Anterson.I would soon come with a post on him too.The pinky boy is me. I still feel yukky for wearing pink, fluorescent shirts in my college days.
No wonder I never became committed with anyone.The guy with very less hair (next to me) is Shiv. This photo was taken exactly one after Shiv's birthday. We tonsured his head on his birthday. We almost massacred him on his birthday

Shiv also had this peculiar habit of sitting in the front seat of an autorickshaw. Even if he travels alone, he always prefers a seat next to the autodriver.We never understood the reason behind the same though.

This picture was taken in our college cafeteria. Me, Sateesh and Shiv are having our regular movie time. This was our regular place when we bunked classes.That canteen water comes goes across my memory now.We had to pay five bucks and wait in front of the coffee machine for five minutes for that coffee powder mixed water. This fellow is so concerned about his shirt. But that white shirt became a T-shirt that day.

And finally, after many backpapers,projects, love failures,lectures and hardships we are finally MBAs. The so called professional look.Anterson, Me, Abraham, Jithu and Shiv pose for our memory.

Shiva is a now a research analyst.He works in Hyderabad. He has stepped foot into the world of blogging too. Click HERE to visit his page. It would be really informative unlike mine.I am paying a visit to Shiv's place. We are gonna celebrate Diwali together.It is time for me to catch up with him with our college day talks after two and a half years.Happy Diwali

-Chronicwriter